Renfield Takes Russian Sailors Hostage In Sea of Azov

November 29, 2018 at 11:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing sailed on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s submarine The Amphitrite II accompanied by a brigade of British Army Gurkha commandos straight through the Strait of Kerch to the Sea of Azov.

They rammed a Russian Navy submarine the Svyatoy Ivan and sank it to the bottom of the sea.

As Renfield sang “Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me…” on the Amphitrite II waterproof outdoor loudspeaker, the mermaid Miranda raised the sunken Svyatoy Ivan above the waves where the hatch was opened after being fired upon by a miniature Tesla Death Ray carried by Renfield.

A white wolf with blue eyes, a black jaguar with silver eyes and several Gurkhas jumped aboard the vessel.

Through a bullhorn bearing an autographed picture of the Australian Holstein Friesian steer Knickers, Renfield gave the Russian sailors an ultimatum and a choice.

They could either get their testicles cut off by the Gurkhas and their famous daggers or get some of their body parts bitten off by the white wolf with blue eyes or get their body parts scratched and clawed by the black jaguar with silver eyes or they could surrender.

Every single Russian sailor surrendered.

The Union Jack was raised on the flagpole of the Svyatoy Ivan while Inna Huculak played “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves…” on her Ukrainian ukulele.

Renfield R. Renfield pulled his pants down and took a crap on a lifelike effigy of Russian President Vladimir Putin as Inna Huculak sang a song from the musical Oliver “What is the cause of his red shiny nose? Could it be Oom-pah-pah?”… while playing the accordion with her magnificent pair of knockers.

The ghost of Orson Welles filmed everything with his camera and uploaded it to YouTube and Instagram.

The surrender of the Russian sailors and Renfield’s defecating actions were then projected on to a large airport runway in Argentina as Vladimir Putin’s plane landed in Buenos Aires for the G-20 Summit.

Putin suddenly came down with a severe case of heartburn which the airplane doctor attributed to an overindulgence in Ukrainian cabbage rolls on the Russian leader’s part.

As the ghost of Orson Welles and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill sat on a yacht in the Strait of Kerch and drank wine and brandy respectively, Welles lamented on his marriage to actress Rita Hayworth.

Welles said mournfully that if he had spent a little less time intellectualizing his many ideas and spent more time making out with the lovely Rita Hayworth, his marriage might have been saved.

Meanwhile the lovely Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak sat on a pier in a marina in the Strait of Kerch on the Crimea when Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approached:

Inna Huculak immediately took Dracul Van Helsing over her knee and spanked him for making out with Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva a couple of days earlier.

She then made wild passionate love to him herself after spanking him and screamed “Republic of Ukraine forever!” as she orgasmed in a massive outburst of cosmic energy from all that tantric sex forever.

Renfield R. Renfield meanwhile was on his smart phone checking on his order of a Japanese sex robot that he had ordered for himself for Christmas from Amazon.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 29th
2018.

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Renfield On Kerch, Crimea and The Sea of Azov: Let’s Get This Strait

November 26, 2018 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was currently consulting with the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles and the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Hukulak to lead a commando raid of British Army Gurkhas on the Russian Navy at the Strait of Kerch to rescue two Ukrainian Navy gunboats The Nikopol and The Berdyansk and a Ukrainian Navy tug and 30 Ukrainian sailors who were seized by the Russian Navy yesterday,

In Kiev, Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko declared martial law in Ukraine for 30 days in order to put the country on a full war footing.

Donald Trump as usual was busy dithering and tweeting about “immigrants on the U.S-Mexico border” in the midst of yet another major international crisis.

He was also trying to make up in his own mind who was the nicer guy- Russian President Vladimir Putin or Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

On November 25th, Russian Spetznatz commandos of the Russian Navy seized the Ukrainian gunboats and the tug wounding half a dozen Ukrainian Navy sailors in the process.

Russia had used a Russian ship under the recently completed Kerch Bridge to illegally block passage to Ukrainian ships seeking to enter the Strait to access the Sea of Azov.

The Ukrainian Navy vessels had gone to ask the ship to stop blocking the entrance when they were fired upon by Russian Navy ships and then deliberately rammed.

Renfield and the Gurkas would be sailing on the Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed submarine The Amphitrite II to the Kerch Strait to rescue the Ukrainian Navy ships and sailors.

The Amphitrite II was invisible to both radar and sonar.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s original submarine of this design The Amphitrite I and its crew disappeared on its maiden test.

Although a computer at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor had picked up the fact that The Amphitrite I had wound up at the U.S. Navy shipyard in Philadelphia on October 28th 1943 where it slammed into the U.S. Navy destroyer escort The USS Eldridge.

The meeting between the four in Renfield’s office came to an end when the ghost of Orson Welles received an emergency Hermes transmitted telegram from the ghost of Nikola Tesla in the underworld realm of Hades.

Meanwhile outside the Westminster Houses of Parliament, the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was waiting to assassinate Renfield.

It was while she waited for Renfield on the park bench that Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing spotted her.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 26th
2018.

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Russia’s GRU Chief Dead- Who Is Responsible?

November 22, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Donald Trump was being briefed by the CIA while sitting in his briefs (and looking at photos of Shakira for nobody had bothered telling the Twitterer-In-Chief that she was in fact Colombian) on the death of Russia’s GRU (Military Intelligence Directorate) head Colonel General Igor Korobov.

“So he died from a long illness?” Trump asked.

“Well so the Russian media would have us believe,” said CIA agent and cyborg operative George Akirason as he cleared his throat of both phlegm and nanites, “but in fact Korobov only started feeling unwell back in mid-September after having received a severe reprimand from President Vladimir Putin.”

“And what brought about this reprimand?” Trump asked as he combed both seaweed and Black Sea caviar out of his toupee.

“Because Putin got what he thought was a welcome (but she turned out to be unwelcome) visitor in his bedroom one night,” George Akirason coughed a mixture of both phlegm and nanites into his Stormy Daniels photo emblazoned handkerchief, “a sensuous and lovely Kazakh Dragon Sister but she had a poison ivy laced dildo with her which she proceeded to shove up the Russian leader’s anus. She then stapled a note to Putin’s phallus which had on it a message that said, “You’ll never guess what’s going to happen next.” And the message was signed “R.R.R.” The GRU then conducted raids on the Kazakh Dragon Sister’s Moscow apartment but she had fled back to unknown locales in Kazakhstan. Howver the apartment contained several autographed posters of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”

“Renfield R. Renfield?” The hair in Trump’s toupee stood on end 😨, “That man gives me nightmares for some reason.”

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was receiving a briefing from a leather skirted female dominatrix Malaysian agent for the German Federal Intelligence Service.

Chancellor Merkel was astounded by how much the woman looked like world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

The woman whose secret agent code name was Magic Mushrooms and Killer Tomatoes spoke, “Contrary to what the media is saying, Colonel General Igor Korobov did not die from his illness. He was found face down in his bathroom with both his pants and Rasputin photo emblazoned boxer shorts pulled down and a 20 pound giant banana (with the words THE MAPLE LEAF AND CANNABIS PLANT FOREVER written on it) shoved up his behind. The trauma of the impact was what killed him. A well known Kazakh Dragon Sister assassin was seen leaving his place.”

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in his parliamentary office drinking brandy and smoking cigars with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“Well,” Renfield raised his glass in a toast, “another successful operation planned by the once and future Prime Ministers of Great Britain. And executed by our beloved Kazakh Dragon Sister secret operative.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 22nd
2018.

A Kazakh Dragon Sister with a love for all things British.

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Wilkie The Cat As Count Dracula: A Halloween Theatrical Poem

October 29, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, Literature, Poetry, Satire, theatre, Theatre Arts) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Narrator:

Gather around, all ye folks,
If you’re Canadian, watch your tokes,
In this theatre, pot is for peeing and not for smokes.
Our story begins here on Broadway
where Donald Trump sought starlets to lay
before Vladimir Putin turned him gay

Oprah Winfrey (as a transgendered Othello) :

Oh where, oh where is Desdemona?
I lie here in bed making many a moana
but I hear no Desdemona a groana.

Narrator:

Ms. Winfrey, you’re in the wrong theatre
this is what happens when you drink too much beera
The LGBTQ production of Othello is next door
please watch those Jesuit condoms on the floor
as from this theatre to that, you kindly pass
while Pope Francis’ order celebrates a Baphomet Mass

Oprah:

Oh damn, oh damn,
so much for a grand slam,
Roseanne Barr plays a transgendered Iago
while Donald Trump calls Robert Mueller a fago.

Narrator:

And now Oprah is moving her ass
as from this theatre to that, she kindly does pass
And now we shall begin our own theatrical tale
as Greenpeace activist encounters a methane gas producing carbon emissions whale
caused by Jefferey the otter’s cooked extra spicy pork and beans tipping the scale

And the good ship Demeter crashes
as Mina Harker bats her eyelashes
for the methane gas producing whale has sunk the ship
while Greenpeace activist takes a Justin Trudeau inspired trip
And Count Dracula (played by Wilkie the Cat) swims ashore
while his coffin is carried by a yarmulke wearing rabbi wild boar
it’s a good thing the boar is no porcine Hannibal Lecter
otherwise his culinary tastes would violate the Mosaic laws inspector

I forgot to mention that Mitzi la feline actress Parisienne plays Mina Harker
as Dr. Jack Seward’s asylum patient Renfield eats Peter Parker
Spiderman is now gone
a marvel of a swan song
Lackey of Christopher Lee has triumphed over a Lee named Stan
as Antifa takes a statue of Robert E. into the can

The Confederate military hero
is to the political left a great big zero
even though he freed his own slaves long before did Ulysses S. Grant
but this is all ignored in a New York Times rant

Dracula swims ashore near Whitby Abbey
where Canterbury’s ex-ArchDruid Rowan Williams looks crabby
he should have had the lobster flambe instead of crabs a l’amour
given him while dallying with a young French paramour

And Jonathan Harker (played by Kelsey Grammer) watches in horror
as Dracula seduces his sweet love Lenore
oops! – wrong script! – Poe’s The Raven is the performance for tomorrow night
as this Wilkie production of Dracula shuts down this theatre’s marquee light

As Dr. Abraham Van Helsing played by David Hyde Pierce
moves in to collect Dracula’s Transylvanian government tax arrears
he stabs the vampiric nobleman through the heart
as the carbon emissions whale in the sea lets out one last fart.
Both Greenpeace activist and Count Dracula are now dead
The janitor will have to wipe the spot where Wilkie has bled
for a real stake was mistakenly used instead of a prop
the hazards of hiring for a prop hand a drunken sop.

-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Saturday October 27th
2018.


Desdemona’s Death Scene by Dante Gabriel Rosetti
A scene from a 19th Century British production of William Shakespeare’s Othello
very different from an early 21st Century American production of Othello

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Wilkie The Cat Performs Nat King Cole: A Poem

October 19, 2018 at 8:59 pm (Comedy, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Musicals, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, theatre, Theatre Arts) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Wilkie The Cat
had a lovers’ spat
His girlfriend Mitzi
was raging spitzy

She had broken her parasol
saving Wilkie from a very deep hole
by red hot pokering a Saudi librarian mole
Trump defended the Saudi librarian assassin
and took to Twitter tweety bashin’

Saudi Arabia had threatened to fly planes into Canadian Toronto’s CN Tower
while Mohammad bin Salman like Putin gave Trump a golden shower
No wonder the Donald’s hairpiece was a sickening gold yellow toupee
for Putin and the Saudi Crown Prince performed like it was a rainy day
Mid-term elections were soon on the way
Was Robert Mueller making hay?
Democrats wondered
as Lizzie Warren blundered

The New York Times defended the Senator’s DNA test
because of brains and intelligence, The Times had not been blessed
It took one to hate one was that old adage
which is why Trump and The Times exchanged nasty tweets and cabbage

But fortunately for Wilkie’s relationship, he got a good gig
and an assignment that his girl Mitzi should really dig
He and she were invited to perform at a political party function
and did not have to play the part of Beverly Hillbillies at Petticoat Junction

It was at the Lincoln Performing Arts Centre
and Wilkie promised Mitzi he wouldn’t go on a bender

Mitzi dressed as Elizabeth Warren took to the stage
while politicos gazed at her like lions released from a cage
Mitzi began to sing,

Cherokee people,
Cherokee tribe,
so proud to live
so proud to die

and maybe someday when we’ve learned,
Cherokee Nation will return, will return

Wilkie The Cat came on stage dressed like Nat King Cole,
he really relished getting into this role
He pointed at Mitzi as Warren and began to sing,
“Oh yes, she’s the great pretender…”
after the show, Wilkie went on a bender.

For he got the attending crowd wrong
turning this into his Lincoln Center swan song
He thought he was performing to Republicans but alas! they were Democrats
and now Wilkie and Mitzi were once again unemployed performing arts cats.

-A Wilkie The Cat poem
written by Christopher
Friday October 19th
2018.

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The Great Eastern Orthodox Schism

October 16, 2018 at 10:27 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Great Eastern Orthodox Schism

Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane had prayed to God The Father that all His Apostles be one.

But the plans of men with their free will undid His prayer.

The Egyptian Coptic and Ethiopian Churches broke with Rome and Constantinople in the 5th Century AD.

The Great Schism of 1054 broke communion between Rome and Constantinople leading to the formation of the Catholic Church in the West and The Eastern Orthodox Church in the East.

Martin Luther’s Protestant revolt of 1517 led to the formation of the Protestant Church and the Protestants have been dividing up into more and more different denominations ever since.

The Church of England under Henry VIII broke Communion with the Pope of Rome in 1536.

And since that time the Anglican Communion has been a strange union of people who share the same Sacramental view of the Church as that held by the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox Churches united with people in the same Communion who hold the non-sacramental view of the Church held by Calvin, Zwingli and some of the other major 16th Century Protestant Reformers.

There had never been a major schism in the Eastern Orthodox Church until today- Tuesday October 16th 2018 when the Russian Orthodox Church under the Patriarch of Moscow announced that it was no longer in Communion with the Ecumenical Patriarchate of Constantinople.

What brought about the schism between Moscow and Constantinople was Patriarch Bartholomew of Constantinople’s decision of Thursday October 11th 2018 to recognize autocephaly for the Ukrainian Orthodox Church (the Ukrainian Orthodox Church would be under its own Patriarch in Kiev rather than be under the jurisdiction of the Patriarch of Moscow).

The move angered Patriarch Kirill of Moscow a staunch Russian nationalist ally of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The whole political and military conflict between Kiev and Moscow over Crimea and Eastern Ukraine 🇺🇦 had now entered the religious-theological realm of Eastern Orthodoxy.

So now the 150 million members of the Russian Orthodox Church are now out of Communion with the 110 million members of the other Eastern Orthodox Churches whose nominal and titular head is the Patriarch of Constantinople.

Although other branches of the Eastern Orthodox Church in Eastern Europe may choose to forego Communion with Constantinople in order to remain in good standing with both the Russian Church and State.

The really big question at the moment is what will the Serbian Orthodox Church now do?

Serbia had always been strong allies with Moscow.

It was the strong and enduring alliance and friendship between Serbia and Russia that led to the First World War when the Austro-Hungarian Empire (backed by the Imperial Germany of the Kaiser Wilhelm II) declared war on Serbia for what Vienna saw as Belgrade’s involvement in the Sarajevo Bosnia-Herzegovina assassination of the Austrian ArchDuke Franz Ferdinand.

Russia in response declared war on Austro-Hungary leading to a bunch of European powers declaring war on one another the next couple of months.

It was U.S. President Bill Clinton’s decision to bomb Serbia in the spring of 1999 to grant Kosovo independence from Serbia that led Russian President Boris Yeltsin to adopt a less friendly attitude towards the West and to name the Russian ultra-nationalist former KGB agent and then FSB head Vladimir Putin to the position of Prime Minister of Russia in August 1999.

During the last days of December 1999 Yeltsin resigned as President and named Vladimir Putin his successor.

And Vladimir Putin has either been President or Prime Minister of Russia ever since.

And the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had now been given the go-ahead by her boss the Supreme Leader of The Russian Federation to go ahead and bump off Patriarch Bartholomew of Constantinople.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 16th
2018

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From Russia With… ?

October 9, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

From Russia With… ?

Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) had been sent from Russia With Love 💕 to James Bond 007 (Sean Connery) in 1963.

55 years later, Vladimir Putin would be delivering a message to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu using the Russian vampiress FSB Agent Svetlana Kireeva as courier.

“Well, Svetlana,” Putin addressed the short skirt and black silk fishnet pantyhose wearing vampiress while holding a Cossack warrior’s fur hat on his lap to cover up his erection, “the message you deliver to Netanyahu will be the most earthshaking any leader has received since the Austro-Hungarian Empire delivered an ultimatum to the Kingdom of Serbia back in the early summer of 1914.”

“This means war then?” Svetlana had an orgasm in her panties as she thought of all that delicious blood flowing on the battlefield.

“Not if Netanyahu accepts our terms,” Putin answered, “there won’t be war in the Middle East at any rate.”

“But there may be war at Kiev?” Svetlana asked.

“Yes if Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko insists on taking Church property away from the legitimate Ukrainian Orthodox Church (Moscow Patriarchate) and giving it to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church (Kiev Patriarchate) that was recently and illegally recognized as autocephalous by the schismatic Patriarch of Constantinople Bartholomew I who is undoubtedly a CIA agent in the pay of the Hillarybeast loving Democratic Party Deep State in the U.S. government, Kiev will be overrun with Russian Army paratroopers,” Putin plucked the strings on his violin 🎻.

“And what of Patriarch Bartholomew?” Svetlana asked.

“I intend to employ quite literal Byzantine intrigue in Bartholomew’s case,” Putin smiled like Anthony Perkins looking at a woman in the shower 🚿, “as you know it was the practice in Byzantine times to get rid of annoying Emperors and Patriarchs by poisoning their Communion wine at Mass which is probably why the Western Roman Church for centuries only allowed for Communion in one kind that being the bread (something regarded as outrageous to the 16th Century Protestant Reformers who had little understanding of Byzantine Imperial history). I shall revive this ancient Byzantine practice by arranging for Bartholomew’s Communion wine to be poisoned 🤢 when he says Mass sometime in the near future. This will give British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill something else to be angry about as they plot my own demise.”

“Won’t the U. S. respond angrily if we send Russian troops into Jerusalem and/or Kiev?” Svetlana asked as she orgasmed at the thought of eating a cream cheesed smothered bagel in Jerusalem.

“They will,” Putin admitted as he orgasmed under his Cossack hat as he watched Svetlana orgasm through her panties and pantyhose, “but U.S. foreign policy is now in disarray as a result of the only one who has a true understanding of global affairs in the entire Trump Administration U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley resigning. The Donald’s mind will be preoccupied these days as he tries to think up Tweets to come up with to explain the sudden departure of one of his sole competent officials from his Administration. When he finally does come up with an appropriate tweet in response, we in Moscow will already have taken control of western Ukraine 🇺🇦 including Kiev and Israel 🇮🇱 including Jerusalem.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 9th
2018.

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Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

October 6, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science-Fiction, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee decided to visit a McDonald’s restaurant he hadn’t been to for a while.

He hoped that there would be no fat ugly blimps in there who would ruin his appetite.

Pan ordered the Big Mac combo and after eating it, lo and behold a couple of extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly Caucasian blimps entered the restaurant and went and sat like elephants in a booth not far from him.

After throwing up all over Ontario Premier Doug Ford (who was in Calgary to attend an Axe The Carbon Tax rally), he said to the Premier now sporting a 🤮 green (formerly black) t-shirt that said JUST SAY NO TO THE CARBON TAX, Pan said to Ford, “You really should have a t-shirt that says JUST SAY NO TO FAT UGLY BLIMPS. Fat ugly blimps are more of a threat to the world’s existence and future survival than a carbon tax is.”

Goatee after redecorating the colour of Doug Ford’s t-shirt then walked over and beheaded the two fat ugly blimps.

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to cut up the two fat ugly blimps into 666 quadrillion pieces and then put them into environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bags, pour gasoline on them and then burn down a drug dealer’s house with them.

Goatee then tried to enjoy the rest of his Coca-Cola but then another fat ugly white blimp came and sat directly in front of him.

Goatee then threw up all over Alberta’s Provincial Education Minister David Eggen a member of the NDP cabinet and therefore a supporter of the carbon tax.

“I have to be fair to both sides of this question,” Goatee remarked when he had finished vomiting 🤮.

Goatee then went over and beheaded this third fat ugly white blimp.

Once again Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene and performing his usual déjà vu modus operandi that he had been taught by Pan Goatee eventually set another drug dealer’s house on fire with fat ugly blimp remains (for as David Bowie noted, “You can’t put out fire 🔥 with gasoline ⛽️ “).

Nero’s ghost played on his violin 🎻, “Burn baby burn. Disco inferno…” as the house burnt to the ground although this drug dealer’s house was no New York City Studio 54.

. . .

Meanwhile over in Riga, Latvia 🇱🇻 the pro-Russia party Harmony won the most votes 🗳 in today’s Latvian general election.

What probably sealed the pro-Russia Harmony party’s victory was the recent visit of Pope Francis to Latvia 🇱🇻 two weeks ago.

Pope Francis was denounced as a “disciple of the Devil” by Russian 🇷🇺 President Vladimir Putin in a speech to servicemen and sailors at a Russian naval shipyard last year.

After seeing Pope Francis in person so recently, the Latvian people no doubt reached the conclusion that Putin was correct in his assessment and decided to vote for the pro-Russia Harmony party.

. . .

Meanwhile over in the Atlantic Ocean, the French marine biologist, marine archaeologist and oceanographer Louis Alphonse Cousteau’s older brother Toulouse Cousteau had just discovered the lost continent of Atlantis (as his younger brother Louis Alphonse had just discovered the lost continent of Lemuria in the South Pacific a couple of weeks ago).

Both Cousteau brothers were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.

And both Cousteau brothers had used the geographic coordinates used in a 36-page letter that Nikola Tesla had written in the early 1940s to FDR’s 2nd Vice-President Henry A. Wallace containing the mystical visions of a Croatian Austrian German woman mystic Maria Orsic (whom Tesla described as the true love of his life) on the destruction and locations of both Lemuria and Atlantis to find both lost continents respectively.

Toulouse Cousteau sat aboard his vessel The Calypso Beat (a former Venezuelan oil tanker) and toasted his find with a glass of British Columbia Okanagan Valley Red Wine 🍷.

The lost continent of Atlantis beneath the Atlantic waves 🌊.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 6th
2018.

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Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, Vladimir Putin’s Military Exercises, Hurricane Florence, The Unknown Drone and The Autumn of Terror

September 11, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel, war) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, Vladimir Putin’s Military Exercises, Hurricane Florence, The Unknown Drone and The Autumn of Terror

There seemed to be a major disruption on the public transit train system.

Some idiot wearing a red spider monkey fur toupee (like his hero and American idol) actually suffered from the delusion that he would come out the winner if he crossed in front of a train at a train/pedestrian railway crossing.

He was of course wrong.

And as a result of the self-centered narcissistic idiot’s intense unbelievable stupidity, the inconsiderate asshole had tied up the entire public transit railway system throughout the city.

“I hope they remember to bury the idiot face downwards,” Pan Goatee remarked to a businessman waiting at the same train station as himself.

Finally Goatee got sick of waiting and decided to walk to a train station further up the line.

As he walked up the street, some fat ugly white blimp tried to walk in front of him.

He immediately beheaded the obese creature.

He decided to cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces for good measure.

As he was in a hurry to get home, he decided not to locate an environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bag, pour gasoline on it and burn down a drug gang neighbourhood today.

The drug gang neighbourhoods were safe at the moment.

Goatee arrived at a public train transit station about 3 stations up the street.

It was another 2 minutes before his train arrived.

The train finally arrived and Goatee boarded it.

“There don’t seem to be too many ugly looking female idiots riding it at this time,” Goatee thought to himself as he looked around which was unusual for this city, “that’s a good thing.”

Goatee then got off at the stop where he would catch the bus that would take him directly in front of the apartment building where he lived.

As he stood there at the bus stop, some fat ugly white blimp tried to get on in front of him.

He quickly elbowed the fat ugly white blimp out of the way.

“Amazing how many of the fat ugly creatures in this city are Caucasian,” Goatee said aloud much to the fat ugly white blimp’s displeasure.

As if the Fates decided to make a liar 🤥 out of him, a fat ugly South Asian woman exited the bus right in front of him.

Not liking being made a liar out of, Goatee immediately beheaded the woman and cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

He then turned around and beheaded the fat ugly white blimp for good measure likewise cutting her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

As some people started to freak out and scream at the bus stop 🚏, Goatee decided he better leave.

DARPA probably wouldn’t like the bad publicity.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin consulted with General Sukyur Kokerov his leading military commander in Siberia on how the largest Russian military exercises since the Cold War were going.

When first announcing the military exercises, Putin’s leading female FSB agent the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had put out the disinformation story that the exercises would be conducted in the eastern Mediterranean off the coast of Syria 🇸🇾 causing U.S. President Donald Trump to take a major dump in his pants.

This information was reported to the FSB by Trump’s enema nurse 👩‍⚕️ who was a Russian agent.

Being an enema nurse to Trump was a difficult job as the Donald was full of it.

Putin was going to recommend that she receive The Medal of Saint Vladimir when her service for the Motherland ended.

. . .

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was on her smart phone to her spiritual goddaughter the Renaissance Italian vampiress Florence De Medici who was directing the Eye of the Storm of Hurricane Florence towards the Carolinas in the southern United States 🇺🇸.

Lilith spoke to Florence the words of Christopher Columbus to his crew,

“Sail on, sail on, sail on and on…”

. . .

Israel’s Mossad agent known as the Controller of The Golem was examining the remains of a crashed drone.

It didn’t appear to be a Russian, Turkish, Iranian, Saudi Arabian, American, French, British, Chinese or North Korean drone.

So who the Hell sent it? the Controller of The Golem wondered.

. . .

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard had received a package 📦 with a bizarre set of photographs inside.

The photographs were all of bizarre looking ceramic figurine dolls all bearing the same caption.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 11th
2018.

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Hades Has No Fury Like The Three Furies and Renfield R. Renfield

September 6, 2018 at 11:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Hades Has No Fury Like The Three Furies and Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News Announcer: Angela Merkel, Emmanuel Macron, Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau (along with his friend Gali-Gula who is reportedly an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru) are 4 world leaders who accept the United Kingdom’s Salisbury Novichok poisoning allegations.
The United Kingdom has named two men Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov of Russia’s military intelligence service the GRU as the main suspects.
Most political experts in the United Kingdom agree that Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov will probably never face justice for their actions.

As he sat in the Parliamentary office of British MP Renfield R. Renfield, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill remarked, “The experts are once again wrong.”

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was sharpening his carving knife against the rotating grindstone wheel on his office desk as he memorized the faces in the photos of both Petrov and Boshirov.

Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin was opening a box of Cuban cigars that had on the box the Cuban post office stamped mailing address of the Cuban Presidential Palace in Havana, Cuba 🇨🇺.

When Putin reached his hand into the box to grab himself a cigar, the cigar exploded in his face.

A miniature holographic image of Renfield R. Renfield popped out of the box and laughed, “Ha! Ha! Fooled ya!”.

In a paraphrase of one of Agent 86 Maxwell Smart’s favourite expressions on the old 1960s Mel Brooks TV spy sit com Get Smart, Vladimir Putin sighed as he wiped the black ash off his face, “I can’t believe I fell for the old exploding cigar in the fake package 📦 from Havana Cuba trick.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 6th
2018.


What happened to Vincent Price’s character in the 1953 horror film House of Wax is child’s play compared with what will happen to GRU Novichok assassins Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov at the hands of Renfield R. Renfield.

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