Renfield’s January 12th 2023 ₱odcast

January 12, 2023 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

  • Beautiful female Russian agent listens to British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield’s Thursday January 12th 2023 ₱odcast
  • British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Thursday night ₱odcast for January 12th 2023.
  • Said Renfield, “This ₱ast Tuesday January 10th 2023, the Biden Administration announced that they will start training Ukrainian soldiers on American soil.”
  • Continued Renfield, “Then yesterday Wednesday January 11th 2023, all airflights across the U.S. were grounded for 90 minutes after a com₱uter glitch for an FAA air safety system occurred. It was the first time all American ₱lanes were suddenly grounded since 9/11.”
  • Renfield then ₱oured himself a glass of Scotch whisky live on air, “To think I’ll have to have this with haggis this coming Robbie Burns Day. Anyhow, who would have the ca₱ability and resources to bring American air travel to a halt?”.
  • Renfield then addressed senile old fool Joe Biden, “Joe, if you’re going to ₱iss in Vladimir ₱utin’s tea, then ex₱ect him to turn around and kick you in your wrinkled testicles.”
  • -A vam₱ire novel
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Thursday January 12th
  • 2023

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  • The Kraken Na₱oleon VI and Medusa On A Na₱oleonic Anniversary

    December 2, 2022 at 8:50 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

  • Medusa the former Gorgon standing among some Grecian ₱illars in ₱aris
  • It was on this day December 2nd back in 18O4 that Na₱oleon Bona₱arte crowned himself Em₱eror of France.
  • The Kraken who called himself Na₱oleon VI (and was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bona₱artist ₱arty) decided to celebrate the occasion by re-enacting the coronation ceremony at a faux Grecian tem₱le located in an art gallery in ₱aris.
  • Notre Dame Cathedral in ₱aris (where the original coronation of Em₱eror Na₱oleon I had taken ₱lace) was still unavailable as a result of the A₱ril 2O19 fire and was still in the ₱rocess of being turned into a hideous Disneyland version of a tem₱le to Secular Humanism as envisioned by Antichrist French ₱resident Emmanuel Macron.
  • ₱laying the role of the Em₱ress Jose₱hine was the Kraken Na₱oleon VI’s wife Medusa the former Gorgon.
  • Medusa’s head and body had been located by the Set Enter₱rises Archaeology Unit back in the mid-2O1Os.
  • Set Enter₱rises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had reattached Medusa’s head to her body and brought the Gorgon back to life.
  • Dr. Cadbury Rocher used his ₱ersonally invented robotic barber Edward Scissorhands II to give Medusa a haircut ridding her of her snaky ser₱entine hair thus making her a former Gorgon.
  • Medusa eventually married the Kraken who called himself Na₱oleon VI and saw himself as the successor to the Em₱eror Na₱oleon I (the ex-Cor₱oral Na₱oleon Bona₱arte) and the Em₱eror Na₱oleon III (the former ₱rince Louis-Na₱oleon Bona₱arte the first ₱resident of France).
  • The coronation ceremony was overseen by an atheistic Jewish Rastafarian from Australia.
  • Uncle Ernie, as the Coronation Ceremony Justice of the ₱eace and High ₱riest/High ₱riestess called himself, had been ₱laying the role of Cumelita on stage in Melbourne one moment and the next he was ₱lacing a crown on the head of the Kraken in ₱aris before the Kraken grabbed the Crown with one of his 8 arms and crowned himself Em₱eror.
  • But such la₱ses in both consciousness and time had ha₱₱ened to Uncle Ernie before given his extensive use of hallucinogenic and ₱sychedelic drugs (although he never did get around to writing his Master’s Thesis on the work of Timothy Leary. He had even forgotten which university he had a₱₱lied to get into the Master’s In ₱sychology ₱rogram).
  • After the coronation, a huge ₱arty with ₱lenty of caviar and hallucinogenics ensued.
  • The Kraken then flew to Moscow where he was ho₱ing to negotiate a Christmas truce between Russia and Ukraine to tem₱orarily sto₱ the war and the fighting during the Christmas season.
  • A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Friday December 2nd
  • 2O22.

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  • Ankhesenamun In Jerusalem

    November 24, 2022 at 11:50 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, magic, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

  • /
  • A ₱ainting of the mysterious Ankhesenamun
  • /
  • While a ₱ainting of the mysterious Ankhesenamun was being unveiled at The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London, the mysterious Ankhesenamun herself was walking on to₱ of the Tem₱le Mount in Jerusalem.
  • /
  • Ankhesenamun was of course the daughter of ₱haraoh Akhenaten (whose reign was one of solar monotheism in which only one god was worshi₱₱ed – Aten the sun god) and his Great Royal Wife Queen Nefertiti.
  • /
  • Ankhesenamun was also the half-sister and Great Royal Wife of ₱haraoh Tutankhamun (also known as King Tut the Boy ₱haraoh whose tomb was discovered 1OO years ago in November 1922).
  • /
  • She had been turned into a vam₱iress by the ancient Babylonian vam₱iress Lilith millenia ago.
  • /
  • She now stood ato₱ the Tem₱le Mount in Jerusalem.
  • /
  • Her com₱anion was a living S₱hinx.
  • /
  • The s₱hinx was born 1O3 years ago in Bethlehem on the same date in 1919 that Irish ₱oet William Butler Yeats wrote his ₱oem The Second Coming.
  • /
  • Ankhesenamun, the S₱hinx and Israeli ₱rime Minister designate Benjamin Netanyahu were sharing a glass of ancient Egy₱tian beer and a bottle of Mogen David wine together.
  • /
  • The ₱roceedings were being watched by Russian vam₱iress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB who was a s₱y for Vladimir ₱utin.
  • /
  • Svetlana drank a Chardonnay wine, ate Black Sea caviar and some boiled Vietnamese Basa catfish as she watched the ₱roceedings.
  • /
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • /
  • written by Christo₱her
  • /
  • Thursday November 24th
  • /
  • 2O2O

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  • Athena At The St. James’ Court Hotel In Lndon

    October 18, 2022 at 9:56 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

    The Greek goddess Athena at the St. James’ Court Hotel in London

    The Greek goddess Athena was in London at the St. James’ Court Hotel where she would be attending a Johann Strauss style Viennese ball.

    Her date for this evening would be Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

    In addition to dancing, they would also be discussing geopolitical affairs as they danced.

    When Dracul Van Helsing entered the ballroom, he was confronted by this vision.

    As they danced to the music of the Blue Danube, the goddess and the vampire hunter discussed the Russia-Ukraine War and the possibility of nuclear war.

    “The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the owner of Set Enterprises here in London has been working behind the scenes to prevent nuclear war,” Dracul explained, “The same cannot be said for Isis, Osiris and their son Horus and their Freemasonic and Neo-Bolshevik Communist allies and the puppet whose strings they pull senile old fool Joe Biden who are all gung ho for nuclear war.”

    “I guess they figure it’s a lot easier to Build Back Better when a few atomic mushroom clouds are decorating the landscape of the atmosphere,” Athena mused aloud.

    “Set is dealing personally with operations against Isis, Osiris, Horus and Joe Biden,” Dracul nodded, “While his former employee the British MP Renfield R. Renfield is overseeing operations against Vladimir Putin so he doesn’t start a nuclear war.”

    “And how’s that going?” Athena inquired.

    “Well first we tried diplomacy,” Dracul noted, “We sent over the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to try to talk to him diplomatically but he made a pass at her and so the whole thing failed. She kicked him right where it hurt. So Putin was unable to emerge from the meeting waving a condom in his hand and saying, “Piece in our time.” Diplomacy was over.”

    “And then what was the next method of persuasion?” Athena smiled.

    “We tried extortion and blackmail,” Dracul replied, “The good old Raymond “Red” Reddington of The Blacklist TV show approach. I managed to obtain some compromising photos of Putin in compromising positions with high-priced escort call girls at The Catherine The Great Hotel Hilton in downtown Moscow. Renfield sent over the ghost of Orson Welles to the Kremlin with those compromising photos in a spectral violin case. Welles said to Putin those photos would be released to both Russia and the world in the event he launched a nuclear attack on anyone.”

    “And what was Putin’s response?” Athena wanted to know.

    “Putin just laughed,” Dracul answered, “And said those photos would increase his popularity among the Russian people. Showing how young and virile he was for a 70-year-old leader.”

    “As opposed to dementia and paving the way for a massive diaper shortage in the U.S. in Joe Biden’s case,” Athena acknowledged.

    “Exactly,” Dracul agreed.

    “So, what is your next strategy?” Athena was curious.

    “Well, “diplomacy stunk” to paraphrase Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel. And “extortion stunk” to again paraphrase Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel. So now is the time to bring in the “big guns” which are “tomatoed buns”. We plan to send over world-famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to tomato Vladimir Putin’s buttocks until he agrees to end the war in Ukraine,” Dracul explained.

    “But how will Sherrielock get into Russia?” Athena asked, “It is my understanding that the Russian Air Defense Ministry have Dominatrixes preeminently pinpointed on their radar screens?”.

    “Well, Sherrielock used to own an immortal white horse called Excalibur Lightning,” Dracul noted, “This horse could travel the world at lightning speed. Unfortunately at the outbreak of World War I in August 1914, the German secret service and the German Navy horsenapped Sherrielock’s horse and took it aboard a German u-boat and sailed to the waters of Canada’s High Arctic where it was said they buried it under a medieval Norse temple to the Norse goddess Freya. They did it to prevent Sherrielock Holmes riding over to Germany and tomatoing the buttocks of the Kaiser Wilhelm II to quickly end that war.”

    “And has this horse been found?” Athena inquired.

    “Yes, a team sent out by Set Enterprises happened to find it yesterday,” Dracul was pleased to announce.

    An idiotic apologist for Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel kept throwing angry glances in Dracul Van Helsing’s direction.

    The idiot Hynkel apologist whose name was Socrates1234 (because that was the highest he could count) went over to the punch bowl to pour himself a glass of punch.

    Harvey Tallbanger the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit and secret agent for Set Enterprises put several drops of hemlock into the idiot Hynkel apologist Socrates1234’s glass of punch.

    The idiot Hynkel apologist dropped dead on the spot after drinking the hemlock laced glass of punch.

    Since he had no ID on him, he was taken to a charity paupers’ funeral home where his memorial service was presided over by an Ashkenazi Jewish rabbi.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    Written by Christopher
    Tuesday October 18th

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    Freya, Chiron and Nanook Tulok

    October 17, 2022 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    The Norse goddess Freya in a temple in Canada’s high Arctic

    The Greek centaur Chiron and the mysterious Inuit supernatural being Nanook Tulok were surprised to see a Norse temple in Canada’s High Arctic.

    They were even more surprised to see the Norse goddess Freya standing inside the temple.

    “Freya, what are you doing here?” An astonished Chiron asked the Norse goddess Freya who was Queen of the Valkyries.

    “I might ask the same of you, oh great and noble centaur,” Freya answered, “your homeland was originally ancient Greece and then Zeus placed you among the constellations when you renounced your immortality in favour of Prometheus.”

    “He also renounced his immortality to get rid of the pain of the poisoned arrow that Hercules accidentally shot into him,” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was along for the sleigh ride with Chiron and Nanook Tulok) pointed out.

    Yaldabaoth had been bathing in geothermal baths outside Reykjavik Iceland in order to get rid of the smell of a volcanic bubble explosion in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming that he had been involved in.

    When Yaldabaoth saw Chiron and the upright standing on two legs giant polar bear Nanook Tulok who could talk in 153 different languages pull up in their sleigh pulled by 9 magic reindeer (they are not the same magic reindeer that pull Santa’s sleigh), Yaldabaoth asked if he could go along for the ride.

    Chiron and the walking talking polar bear agreed.

    “So what are you fellows up to?” Yaldabaoth asked the centaur and the polar bear after he had bought a dozen popsicles and fudgesicles from a Good Humour Ice Cream man who was riding a bicycle buit for two while the speaker on his ice cream selling bicycle played that old song A Bicyle Built For Two.

    The Good Humour Ice Cream man also gave Yaldabaoth a daisy flower and an autographed photo of Donald Trump to accompany the dozen popsicles and dozen fudgesicles.

    “We’re on a mission for Set Enterprises in London,” Chiron replied.

    “You don’t say?” Yaldabaoth unwrapped both a popsicle and a fudgesicle and stuck both in his mouth, “I occasionally do freelance work for them.”

    “We’re here to find where soldiers in the army of Kaiser Wilhelm II buried an immortal horse,” Nanook Tulok polished his crossbow, “The archives of World War I German Intelligence indicate they buried it somewhere in Canada’s High Arctic.”

    “An immortal horse?” Yaldabaoth opened a small jar of horseradish and put it on his popsicle and fudgesicle.

    “His name is Excalibur Lightning,” Chiron the centaur explained as he polished his crossbow, “He became immortal after eating some Lingzhi Supernatural mushrooms along with some hay, potatoes and horseradish. He belongs to world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the lesser known twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) who also became immortal after eating a Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom omelette and drinking a Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom milkshare both prepared and made by the world famous French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher.”

    “Excalibur Lightning is the fastest horse on the planet,” Nanook Tulok added as he ate some sushi, “When Great Britain and her Empire declared war on Germany on August 4th 1914, the German General Staff were terrified that Sherlock and Sherrielock’s older brother Mycroft called back into government service after 2 years of retirement might call upon Sherrielock to ride Excalibur Lightning over to Germany and then tomato Kaiser Bill’s buttocks with her riding crop in an effort to get him to pull his troops out of Belgium and France thus ending the war on the Western Front. So using a sleeping potion invented by the Kaiser’s top scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (himself immortal as a result of being struck by lightning while attempting to climb the hilltop castle of Castle Frankenstein (Burg Frankenstein) in the Odenwald overlooking the city of Darmstadt in Germany), German spies put the noble immortal horse Excalibur Lightning to sleep and then placed him aboard a German U-Boat The Valkyrie that had sailed up the River Thames. The Valkyrie then sailed back down the Thames where it entered the North Sea. It then began a long sea and ocean voyage to Canada’s high Arctic. Where it apparently buried the horse underneath a Norse temple to Freya. We find it hard to believe that there is a Norse temple to Freya in Canada’s high Arctic but it is possible that the medieval Norse did sail west of Greenland through Arctic waters.”

    “Dr. Nicht Werhoffen?” Yaldabaoth scratched his beard, “I think there’s a Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who works as a scientist for the Russian FSB.”

    “That’s the same fellow,” Chiron nodded, “He worked for the Kaiser’s intelligence service during World War I, became a maker of Bavarian sausages after the Kaiser’s abdication in 1918, continued in that profession throughout the 1920s and early 1930s, then with the death of German President Paul von Hindenburg on August 2nd 1934 and Adolf Hitler combining the offices of President and Chancellor into the office of Fuhrer on August 19th 1934 with himself as Fuhrer making himself the dictator and absolute ruler of Germany proclaiming both a Third Reich and a Thousand Year Reich, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then worked as a scientist for Nazi Third Reich German Intelligence. Following the defeat of Nazi Germany in 1945, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then worked as a cigarette and nylon stocking smuggler in Berlin, then East Germany or the German Democratic Republic was created on October 7th 1949 and the East German Stasi was founded on February 8th 1950. Dr. Nicht Werhoffen immediately started working for the East German Stasi that same day. It was also the same day that Dr. Nicht Werhoffen mailed a pair of poison laced nylon stockings to American FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover. The nylon stockings were laced with the same poison that Hercules accidentally shot me with from his arrow- the blood of the Hydra. The poisoned nylon stockings arrived in Hoover’s office on February 24th 1950 (exactly 72 years before Russia’s invasion of Ukraine). Fortunately for Mr. Hoover, the poisoned nylon stockings were first tried on by the FBI director’s temp secretary an eccentric Australian who called himself Uncle Ernie. Uncle Ernie is apparently immortal himself (although no one is sure of the exact source of Uncle Ernie’s immortality) and surprisingly the poison caused no pain to Uncle Ernie (although this may be due to his heavy use of psychedelic and hallucinogenic drugs). Uncle Ernie then got runs in the pair of stockings after running around Washington while being chased by a young drunken Congressman John F. Kennedy (who was thorougly bombed out of his mind at the time). The stockings were thus thrown away and sucked up by a Hoover vaccuum cleaner rather than being tried on by Mr. Hoover. And then of course after West and East Germany were united on October 3rd 1990, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then went to work for the Soviet KGB. Following Mikhail Gorbachev’s December 25th Christmas Day 1991 dissolution of the USSR, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then got a job distilling vodka for then Russian President Boris Yeltsin’s personal supply. After working up an unbelievable amount of overtime pay, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then started working as a scientist for the Russian FSB when it was created on April 3rd 1995.”

    “That’s quite the biographical detail,” Yaldabaoth opened up a can of Guinness.

    Freya listened to Chiron’s and Nanook Tulok’s account of why they were here while Yaldabaoth finished the last of his 365 day supply of Guinness beer (that he managed to consume in one day).

    “So the question we have for you, your Norse Majesty,” Chiron asked the beautiful Freya, “Is do you have a white horse buried under your Temple?”.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday October 17th

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    Atargatis In Moscow

    October 14, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, painting, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis in the Kremlin

    Russian President Vladimir Putin had stopped off in a Kremlin tea shop to watch the broadcast of the Russian state controlled television news network.

    Said news announcer Dmitri Bullshitovich, “In London, England today two members of the environmentalist group Just Stop Oil threw tomato soup at Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1888 painting Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
    The contents of two tins of Heinz tomato soup were thrown at the painting.
    The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.”
    The two Just Stop Oil climate change protestors’ 15 minutes of fame came to a sudden and abrupt end when British MP Renfield R. Renfield used the headsman’s axe from the 1933 Alexander Korda directed Charles Laughton starring film The Private Life of Henry VIII to chop off one of each of the two airheaded protestors’ hands (which they had foolishly glued to the wall underneath the painting).
    Athough the Metropolitan London Police Force in a press release statement rather euphemistically described the Renfield procedure as “Specialist officers have now unglued them…”
    As the protestors were led away in one handcuff each, a holographic image of American singer-songwriter Don McLean appeared and started singing, “I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…”
    As an organ grinder and his monkey were gunned down and killed outside the National Gallery as yet another example of London’s rising crime rate, the holographic image of Don McLean then appeared outside and began singing “The day the music died…”
    Meanwhile all across England, members of Just Stop Oil were apparently visited by an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit (seen by members who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers) and had an American cream pie laced with tomato soup thrown in their face.
    After the cream pie was thrown, the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh then appeared and started singing, “I have no ear for music…”

    Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.”

    Indeed it was for Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel) had fled upon hearing the news story for he couldn’t stand listening to the truth.

    When Putin entered his office, he was surprised to see the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis sitting there.

    Putin recognized it was Atargatis from an unknown (to the world) Vincent Van Gogh portrait painting of Atargatis that the Kremlin owned.

    The painting had been purchased from Van Gogh by a Saint Petersburg art dealer just before the artist died in 1890 and had been given by the art dealer to Czar Alexander III that same year of 1890.

    “What does Atargatis the mother of Semiramis the 1st queen of Babylon want with me?” Putin asked.

    “I want you to stop invading Ukraine, turn around and invade the State of Israel instead,” Atargatis answered.

    Putin spit the tea he had just sipped out of his mouth.

    The tea went flying across the room and hit the ghost of Orson Welles in his beard.

    It was a good thing Welles was a ghost.

    Otherwise he’d have tea stains in his beard.

    “And what are you doing here?” Putin asked Welles’ ghost.

    “I’ve come to make you an offer from Renfield R. Renfield that you can’t refuse,” Welles pulled out a spectral violin case.

    Atargatis? Or Welles?

    Whose offer should he Putin accept?

    “You’ll be the new villain of Hannukah if you invade Israel,” Welles pointed out.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday October 14th

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    Vladimir Putin Dreams He’s In A 1920s Berlin Cabaret

    October 10, 2022 at 9:41 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

    And Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was the cabaret singer that Vladimir Putin saw in the 1920s Berlin cabaret of his dreams

    Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming that he was in a cabaret in Berlin Germany in the 1920s.

    There on the stage seated on a draped sofa and wearing an incredibly sexy outfit was Vladimir Putin’s friend Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of The Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in 2020s Moscow Russia.

    Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff had just finished singing the Marlene Dietrich song Falling In Love Again (Can’t Help It) at the cabaret stage microphone.

    The ghost of Orson Welles who was also in Putin’s dream (and sitting at a table across from Putin) remarked as he sipped from a bottle of Paul Masson Wine made in 1886, “I didn’t think Falling In Love Again (Can’t Help It) was written until 1930 when Marlene Dietrich first sang it in the 1930 German film The Blue Angel (or Der Blaue Engel as the Germans would say). And my antique Japanese watch tells me that we are currently in the decade of the 1920s. But thanks to Martian shortwave radio interference, I can’t tell the exact year.”

    As Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff sat at the side of the stage, on the main part of the stage photographic images were starting to appear on the background mirror of the cabaret stage.

    The photographic images showed Russian President Vladimir Putin making out with various high-priced call girls in The Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in 2020s Moscow Russia.

    “What the f–k!” Putin said although he said it in Russian.

    Adolf Hitler who was dressed in a pair of Bavarian lederhosen and silk nylon stockings and clutching the buttocks of his niece Geli Raubal pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvien.”

    Joe Biden (who had the Gadarene swine permanently stuck in his lower intestines) and his son Hunter (who were both surrounded by young teenaged girls in a Jeffrey Epstein choreographed ensemble) pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvein.”

    Justin Trudeau (who was attempting to have conjugal relations with his blackfaced image in a mirror) pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvein.”

    Meanwhile at Set Enterprises in London, Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague was watching on a computer screen as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had been inside Vladimir Putin’s dreams the past few hours and was directing what was happening inside them.

    “All going well, Doctor?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked as he ate a tuna fish sandwich.

    “It is,” Dr. Montague nodded, “Hopefully we’ll have convinced Vladimir Putin not to launch a nuclear attack on Ukraine or the West. Otherwise these photos will be released all over the world and not just on the background mirror of a 1920s Berlin cabaret stage.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday October 10th

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    They Call Her Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff

    October 7, 2022 at 10:08 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Philosophy, Quotations and Sayings of Dracul Van Helsing, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

    Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton in downtown Moscow Russia

    Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was the owner of the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton in downtown Moscow Russia.

    She was also the behind the scenes owner of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel on the outskirts of Moscow Idaho.

    The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel was famous for once having Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie as a guest there.

    Uncle Ernie sought refuge there after he became the only guest in all of recorded history to be kicked out of the Hotel Calfornia (which was unusual because as the Eagles song informs us “You can check out but you can never leave”).

    Uncle Ernie was also kicked out of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel as well.

    The problem was that The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel was full of beautiful, sexy and very attractive usually scantily clad female employees.

    And the problem as far as Uncle Ernie was concerned was that he kept stealing and trying on for himself the few sexy dresses that the scantily clad female employees of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel had.

    So Uncle Ernie was then thrown into a potato sack and dropped off on Interstate 90 in Idaho where unfortunately he was not run over by any motor vehicle.

    The potato sack wearing Uncle Ernie was picked up by a bus load of nuns who were headed to a retreat being held on Lake Coeur d’Alene.

    But that’s another story.

    Let’s just say they’ve never had another transgendered Jewish Rastafarian nun ever since.

    Although Pope Francis is working on it since he views it as quite possibly the greatest accomplishment of his senile Synodality project.

    There were rumours abounding in Moscow Russia that the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton Hotel was likewise a brothel.

    But that couldn’t be the case because self-proclaimed devout Orthodox Christian Vladimir Putin was seen going in and out of the hotel all the time.

    Anyways Set Enterprises was trying to prevent a global nuclear war unleashed by Russia’s psychopathic wanna be reborn Czar Peter the Great.

    To that end this past Wednesday October 5th Set Enterprises sent the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to Moscow to negotiate in face to face talks with the Russian leader.

    Diplomacy failed after Russian President Vladimir Putin tried to make a pass at the sexy Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

    “I’m really the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg,” Putin winked at her.

    “You strike me more as being a PH unbalanced sasquatch teller of tall and incredibly boring tales,” Qonzilqointec remarked prior to kicking him in his tiny testicles with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

    So diplomacy had failed.

    Set Enterprises was now trying blackmail.

    It had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Moscow Russia to interview Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of The Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton Hotel and get her to admit and maybe even provide camera video footage of Vladimir Putin cavorting with high priced call girl escorts.

    Dracul Van Helsing entered the bedroom of Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff and was confronted by this sight:

    “Hello, Madame Natasha,” Van Helsing smiled, “How would you like to lie back on your bed and I’ll present to you Saint Thomas Aquinas’ Cosmological Argument for the Existence of God?”.

    Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff did just that and Dracul Van Helsing presented to the madame the Angelic Doctor’s Cosmological Argument For The Existence of God with a never before heard of method of discourse using illustrations from the Kama Sutra brought to life to argue the case for Intelligent Design of the Cosmos.

    By the time Van Helsing had finished, Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was not only a confirmed theist but a confirmed Thomistic philosopher as well.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday October 7th

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    Qonzilqointec Visits Moscow

    October 5, 2022 at 10:04 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

    The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec prior to her meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin

    The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in Moscow.

    She was on a diplomatic peace mission for Set Enterprises in London.

    Qonzilqointec was close friends with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set himself.

    Since most of the satanic Neo-Bolshevik Communist leaders of the western world refused to sit down and talk to the wanna be new Imperial Russian Czar Peter the Great (aka Vladimir Putin) over the war in Ukraine, the threat of global nuclear war was growing bigger every day.

    The late former British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill himself had once said, “It’s better to jaw jaw than to war war.”

    However the satanic leadership of the Western world saw the possibility of billions of people dying in a global nuclear war as the ultimate human sacrifice to the demons they worshipped: Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Mephistopheles.

    They either didn’t believe in or worship God but they certainly believed in and worshipped Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Mephistopheles.

    The whole damned lot of them.

    Emmanuel Macron, Justin Trudeau and Joe Biden etc. etc.

    A kink was put in their armour when a G.K. Chesterton quoting and J.R.R. Tolkien reading Christian woman Giorgia Meloni was recently elected Prime Minister of Italy.

    The brainless mainstream media in the western world went beserk and was already calling her a Fascist.

    She would be demonized along with Hungary’s Prime Minister Viktor Orban by the Baal and Baphomet worshipping journalists in the Western world.

    The LGBTQ2s+ and counting community was the New World Order equivalent of the old Brahmin caste of the ancient Hindu caste system while Bible believing Evangelical Protestants and traditional Catholics were the New World Order equivalent of the Untouchables (Dalits) of the ancient Hindu caste system.

    Vladimir Putin had Moloch (the demonic twin brother of Baal that was one of the leaders of the demonic quartet that ruled the Western world) as a supernatural advisor.

    The new self-proclaimed Peter the Great was unaware however that Moloch was in fact Moloch.

    Moloch was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel.

    Putin in a recent speech had called the West “openly satanic”.

    In reply Biden gave the following statement today:

    The Pooper-In-Chief approached the podium as the members of the brainless mainstream media stood.

    Before the press conference, the “non-satanic” mainstream media members had enjoyed feasting on a buffet of Marina Abramovic’s Kentucky Fried Humans that had been cooked up and prepared by the White House kitchen culinary staff.

    Biden stood in front of the blackened hearts of the White House Press Corps.

    “My fellow Americans,” Biden stated, “I want to make this perfectly clear. I am not a Satanist.”

    He then raised his arms with two fingers forming a V on each hand and shook the jowls on his face in Richard M. Nixon style fashion.

    Behind him stood Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Mephistopheles applauding vigourously.

    The ghost of Richard M. Nixon’s dog Checkers then appeared on stage, walked over to Biden, raised his right leg and peed all over Biden’s left foot.

    “Interesting,” Qonzilqointec said aloud as she watched the press conference on television from her Moscow hotel room.

    There was a knock on the door.

    It was the Kremlin chauffeur here to pick Qonzilqointec up to drive her to the Kremlin.

    To begin diplomatic talks with Putin on behalf of the West.

    On behalf of Set Enterprises.

    Since most of the governments of the Western world refused to talk to Putin preferrng the horror and human sacrifice of global nuclear war.

    As Qonzilqointec went to talk to Putin, Dr. Anthony Fauci was already on the phone talking to Bill Gates on the possibility of a post-nuclear zombie apocalypse scenario.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday October 5th

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    Svetlana Kireeva, Vladimir Putin and The Mysterious Horn In Byzantium

    September 21, 2022 at 11:37 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    Russian vampiress and FSB agent Svetlana Kireeva awaits the launch of a nuclear missile which would be fired from a secret location in Moscow

    Earlier in the day, Russian President Vladimir Putin announced on Russian national television that he would be mobilizing 300,000 reservists in an effort to save his would-be Neo-Imperialist Czarist ass in Ukraine.

    To the right of Putin stood the ghost of the late U.S. President LBJ.

    “Well scratch my ass and think about Israel,” LBJ laughed, “It looks like Ukraine is turning into Russia’s Vietnam.”

    In the corner of the room sat the ghost of Jim Morrison weeping in a chair.

    “Why,” Morrison sobbed, “of all the ghost stories in all the world did I first have to appear in one written by the world’s most boring author Phil Huston?”.

    To the left of Morrison’s ghost was a holographic image of Alice Cooper who was committing hari kari with the pointy end of his mace for the same reason that Morrison’s ghost sat sobbing in a chair.

    It was the first time that Russian reservists had been called up since the Second World War.

    As Putin’s face was sprayed by a whole bunch of ghostly spectral holographic blood issuing forth from the intestines of the well hari-karied ghostly spectral holographic image of Alice Cooper who was busy singing his last ever hit Farewll To My Nightmare, Putin announced that he would be using nuclear weapons against the West.

    To that end, Russian vampiress and FSB agent Svetlana Kireeva received a text message from Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Miranda Singh asking if the two of them could meet in Stockholm Sweden in an effort to prevent global nuclear war.

    . . .

    Senile old fool Joe Biden was meeting with one of his advisors after the Irish Celtic demon Balor Biden’s speech to the UN General Assembly.

    “Mr. President,” his advisor advised, “Regarding Putin’s threatened use of nuclear weapons, you have a secret personal weapon of your own to use in your dealings with Mr. Putin.”

    “I do? And what secret personal weapon of my own would that be?” Biden asked as he broke wind and then let loose with a bowel movement.

    The advisor was unable to answer Biden’s question as he immediately dropped dead from sulphurous exhaust fumes.

    . . .

    The Byzantine Emperor Justinian I was sitting on his throne in Constantinople in the year 537 AD when an envoy from Arthur King of the Britons appeared.

    “Your Imperial Majesty, your noble ally Arthur King of the Britons is dead after having been slain by his evil son Mordred at the Battle of Camlann,” the envoy stated, “His repentant half-sister Morgan le Fay wants you to have this.”

    “What is it?” Justinian asked.

    “It’s the horn of Arthur’s personal Unicorn,” the envoy explained, “A Unicorn that was slain by Mordred the evil son of Arthur King of the Britons and Morgan le Fay.”

    “Let me see,” the beautiful Byzantine Empress Theodora rose from her throne.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday September 21st

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