Vladimir Putin’s Dream

May 10, 2017 at 4:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

After a late evening spent in his office reading Donald Trump’s tweets and laughing his head off, Russian President Vladimir Putin was starting to feel tired.

He decided to lay down on the couch in his office and snooze for a while.

He dreamed he was walking through a small museum on the outskirts of Moscow.

In the center of the museum was a huge golden samovar.

Putin approached the samovar.

The soft gentle melodious voice of an unseen woman called from above the samovar, “Come and drink, Vladimir.”

Putin noticed some classically decorated tea cups and saucers on a table to the right of the samovar.

He picked up a cup and saucer and went over to the samovar and poured himself some tea from the tap.

He then went back to the table and put some honey as well as a slice of lemon in his tea.

He then drank,

And fell asleep in his dream.

Whereupon he dreamed a dream within his dream.

In the dream, he was standing on the banks of the Little Bighorn River in Montana.

He was approached by the great Lakota Sioux chief and holy man Sitting Bull.

Sitting Bull was carrying a pipe.

He handed the pipe to Putin and beckoned him to smoke from it.

Putin did so.

The smoke was soothing and pleasant.

Suddenly a huge crying eagle came down from the sky and Sitting Bull vanished.

Startled, Putin continued to smoke the pipe and then suddenly fell to the ground.

He then dreamed a dream within a dream within a dream.

In the dream, Putin dreamed that he was back in 19th Century Russia.

He was walking along a beach on the Black Sea when he suddenly noticed a beautiful young Russian girl walking and dancing in the surf along the shore.

Russian Girl Walking Along Black Sea Beach

She was surrounded by happy cheerful seagulls.

Suddenly a screeching eagle came down from the sky and scattered the seagulls.

The girl herself vanished into the sea.

Putin then woke up from his three layers of dreams.

And sat up on the couch.

The Russian leader rubbed his forehead.

He was really going to have to find someone with the wisdom of the Hebrew Biblical Prophet Daniel to interpret his dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 10th
2017.

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Donald Trump, Trump’s History Teacher and Bashar Assad

April 7, 2017 at 4:52 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was having lunch with the lovely attractive and highly intelligent CSIS agent Monica Dhaliwal at a pub in London.

Unbeknownst to the duo, the pub had been the scene of an attempted murder a few days earlier where the widow of a recently deceased City of London investor Donald Mahatma Ahmad Campbell Singh Khan had attempted to murder Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher after the widow had received a rather curtly put death notification via text message sent by one Renfield R. Renfield.

As Monica Dhaliwal adjusted her smartly stylish gray skirt, she asked the vampire hunter (who served as a consultant to Britain’s MI-6 Branch- The Diablos Nocturna Division) how he thought World War 3 would begin, Van Helsing replied, “Well roughly 3000 years ago, a fight between two men over a beautiful woman led to a major war- the Trojan War. Today, given the times we are living in, a Twitter tweet will probably cause the outbreak of World War 3.”

And speaking of Twitter tweets, Donald Trump was, at that moment, trying to figure out how to spell the word “Complicity” before sending out a Twitter tweet.

U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson entered the room wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a T-Rex on it and the words T-REX emblazoned in red beneath the carnivorous dinosaur, “Mr. President, Vladimir Putin is quite pissed off by our missile strikes on Bashar al-Assad’s forces.”

“He was probably drinking too much vodka the night before,” Trump mused, “The same thing happens to me when I drink too much Coca-Cola. Or is it Pepsi that I drink? I can’t remember. I’ll have to remember to ask Ivanka.”

“Of course, our missile response was the only response possible to the use of chemical weapons against Idlib earlier this week,” Tillerson pointed out.

“Indeed it was,” Trump took out a comb and started combing his hair, “Indeed it was.”

“Not to forget,” a Trump aide pointed out, “The Syrian President made fun of your hair in one of his Twitter tweets on that same day.”

“That’s right,” Trump angrily threw his comb across the room knocking the book The Guns of August by Barbara W. Tuchman off the book shelf, “Nobody insults my hair and gets away with it. Nobody.”

“I heard, Mr. President, that you got a text message last night from your old high school History teacher who now lives in California,” said T-Rex Rex Tillerson.

“That’s right I did,” Trump smiled, “he told me that yesterday April 6th 2017 was the 100th Anniversary of America’s entry into World War I which coincidentally enough I discovered had occurred 100 years earlier on April 6th 1917.’

“I’m surprised your High School History teacher is still alive,” the aide looked shocked.

“So was I,” said Trump, “so I sent a CIA agent to investigate. That should be him now.”

CIA Agent Mordred Zimmerman entered the room.

“Well, Zimmerman, what have you got to report?” Trump gazed at the agent.

“Your high school History teacher is still apparently alive and well and currently living in San Francisco, Mr. President,” Zimmerman took out his note book and read.

“I wonder how that is possible that he’s still alive,” Trump scratched his head, “He was already in his early 60s when he taught me in High School.”

“Well, I regret to report, Mr. President, that your old High School History teacher is now a vampire,” Zimmerman pulled out a garlic sausage sandwich and started eating it.

“How is that possible?” Trump’s eyes darted around his office for signs of a Cross or Crucifix.

“He was apparently turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,” Zimmerman answered.

“See, this is another reason why we shouldn’t let Mexicans into this country,” Trump waved a finger at Rex Tillerson.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 7th
2017.

Vladimir Putin

A desperately in need of Exlax looking Russian leader Vladimir Putin issues a stern warning to Donald Trump over the U.S. missile strikes against the forces of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

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Dracul and Theodora

March 12, 2017 at 3:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the Hippodrome Lounge in London.

The lounge had a large beautiful photographic mural background of the view of the Bosphorus Strait from Constantinople (which was sadly renamed the less romantic sounding Istanbul in the 20th Century).

Dracul recognized the vampiress sitting at the bar wearing a lovely navy blue evening dress.

“Theodora?” Dracul approached the vampiress.

“You recognize me?” the vampiress flashed her vampiric incisors in a dazzling smile.

“My parents had a Byzantine style mosaic mural of the court of the Emperor Justinian in our kitchen at home so yes I do recognize you,” Dracul nodded.

“And what do you want with me?” Theodora asked.

“Like you,” Dracul replied, “to rid the world of one Recep Tayyip Erdogan.”

“I hoped to convince Vladimir Putin to do that,” Theodora looked sad, “to invade Turkey, seize Istanbul, re-name it Constantinople and re-establish the Byzantine Empire with himself as Emperor.”

“Instead,” Dracul ordered a double Scotch, “it appears that Vladimir and Recep are becoming quite buddy buddy like two sodomites in a Turkish steam bath.”

“I blame the Babylonian vampiress Lilith for this,” Theodora seethed, “she wants Turkey, Russia and Iran to form an axis and attack Israel.”

“Yes, Lilith has never forgiven the Jewish people for the Babylonian Talmud,” Dracul stated, “she claims the Babylonian Talmud maligned and libeled her good reputation which may or may not be true. I never lived in the day when the Babylonian Talmud was written and Lilith was running around doing her early vampiric thing.”

“But what does Putin hope to gain from attacking Israel?” Theodora asked.

“Well according to clandestine reports,” Dracul explained, “a few years ago, Israeli archaeologists discovered a large portion of the treasure of Solomon never seized by Babylonian, Syrian Greek or Roman forces. The treasure found is estimated to be in the hundreds of trillions of dollars. Rumour has it that Putin wants to grab his hands on that.”

“So Putin is going to Israel to take a spoil?” Theodora’s dark eyes flashed.

“Yes,” Dracul nodded, “which is exactly the way the ancient Hebrew prophet Ezekiel phrased it.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 12th
2017.

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Hecate In The Vatican

March 2, 2017 at 7:43 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol were busy walking the halls of the Vatican.

Unofficially of course.

Since Dracul Van Helsing had been banned from the Vatican for calling German Cardinal Walter Kasper a heretic (even though he is one!).

Dracul Van Helsing had written a Monty Python Lumberjack Song style script in which Cardinal Kasper had gone around singing, “Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay.”

Cardinal Kasper was not amused.

And neither was his boss Pope Francis.

Van Helsing and Whitstable were in the Vatican because they had been informed by sources in the know that Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, necromancy and sorcery had been seen wandering the halls of the Vatican.

“Well,” Dracul commented, “no doubt Alexander Hislop the author of The Two Babylons is dancing with joy in his grave at the fact that Hecate has been spotted wandering the halls of the Vatican..’

Hecate had been spotted in the Vatican in each one of her three forms- maiden, matron and crone.

“This,” Whitstable opened the door to the room of the enigmatic Cardinal JM, “is the room from which Hecate first emerged according to our source.”

Van Helsing and Whitstable entered the room which was empty of any Crosses, Crucifixes or statues of Mary and the Saints.

There on the Cardinal’s altar was an unusual assembly of paraphernalia.

“That doesn’t look like Greek sorcery there,” said Whitstable, “it looks more like Haitian voodoo.”

“It does,” Van Helsing agreed,

“And there appears to be a photo of some Cardinal whose image has been made into a voodoo doll stuck with pins,” Whitstable pointed, “Do you recognize the Cardinal, Dracul?”.

“It’s Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke,” Dracul replied, “the former Patron of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta.”

“What did he do to inspire Cardinal JM’s hatred?” Whitstable asked.

“I don’t know,” Dracul Van Helsing shrugged, “but it appears there’s something rotten in the state of the Vatican.”

Meanwhile in his suite in the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming of a vision he had encountered in the forest outside Moscow last autumn.

The vision was of Hecate in her maiden form handing him a crystal ball in the shape of a purple globe of the world.

Hecate The Greek Goddess of Witchcraft In Her Maiden Form

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 2nd
2017.

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Cyborg Sophia On The Hunt For Nostradamus

January 28, 2017 at 12:23 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The red-headed cyborg Sophia had been created by the FSB’s top scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who used to work for the East German Stasi) several years ago.

She had served as a personal bodyguard to Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

Then Putin had given her as a gift to the rogue private entrepreneur intelligence officer Renfield R. Renfield of London’s Set Enterprises for services rendered to the Russian state.

A couple of years later Renfield had turned around and sold Sophia back to Putin for a substantially large sum of money.

Sophia was once again acting as a bodyguard to Putin.

Last night after she had done a major philharmonic recital on President Putin’s instrument, the Russian leader informed her that he was sending her on a secret mission to Paris.

She was to buy a painting (allegedly painted by Nostradamus) at a private art gallery in Paris. She was to get there before a couple of operatives hired by Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka got there to buy the painting.

“What’s so important about getting that painting?” The Cyborg Sophia asked as she wiped a creamy white substance off her lips.

Said Putin as he put on a new pair of white jockey briefs, “The painting allegedly gives the exact date of an Islamist attack on the Vatican in Rome that will happen this year. If we can get the painting and find out the date, an elite Russian special forces division will be there on that date to defeat the Muslim invaders.”

“Do you mean to say that when Donald Trump takes office, he’ll do nothing to stop the attacks?” Sophia looked surprised.

“No,” Putin shook his head, “he’s still pissed at the fact that Pope Francis seemed to favour Bernie Sanders in last year’s Presidential election.”

“Who are the two operatives hired by Ivanka Trump to get the Nostradamus painting?” Sophia asked.

Putin smiled, “One is Dashwood Forrest the famous London dandy and the other is Mulligan the not so famous Irish zombie.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

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Vladimir Putin and The Nostradamus Painting

January 27, 2017 at 10:57 am (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was getting an intelligence briefing from the Russian FSB on what the U.S. President-Elect Donald Trump was up to.

The FSB Intelligence Officer began his briefing by saying, “We owe a lot to our agency’s former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who invented an electronic receiver capable of picking up audio transmissions from the hair follicles of a red spider monkey fur toupee…”

“There are no limits to Russian ingenuity,” was President Putin’s observation.

“And those audio transmissions tell us that President-elect Trump is very interested in an oil painting that Nostradamus painted almost 5 centuries ago,” the FSB officer went on.

“I’ve seen the secret collection of Nostradamus paintings that the Hermitage in Saint Petersburg has,” Putin smiled, “It turns out we win World War III according to those paintings.”

“Yes, well in this particular Nostradamus painting, it shows the Vatican in Rome being attacked and destroyed by Muslim invaders,” the intelligence officer went on, “this particular painting was found underneath an old Coca-Cola Santa Claus drinking Coke poster in a privately owned Paris art gallery. Mr. Trump wants to buy it if it’s a genuine Nostradamus painting and give it as a gift to Pope Francis.”

“Another example of the new U.S. President-elect’s sense of humour,” Putin put a slice of lemon in his tea.

“We’ve been told by one of the more successful members of our FSB Psychic Research program (the less successful members are either dead compliments of a Red Army firing squad or else they’re freezing their asses off in Siberia) that embedded in this particular Nostradamus painting is the actual date of the Islamist attack on the Vatican,” the FSB Intelligence officer helped himself to some raisins from a dish of raisins.

“Did the psychic see what the date of the attack was?” Putin checked his Calendar and Day Planner on his smart phone.

“She was unable to make out the day or the month but she saw clearly that it was this year- 2017,” the intelligence officer answered.

“This psychic is a she?” Putin put down his cup of tea and looked with anticipation while waiting for the answer.

“Yes,” the intelligence officer nodded.

“Is she pretty?” Putin looked with even more anticipation for the answer.

“Well,” the intelligence officer replied, “Pan Goatee the famous U.S. government contract assassin and serial killer bought her a drink in an upscale Manhattan nightclub last year and then paid for a 5-day trip to Hawaii for her.”

“Wow, that beautiful, eh?” Putin smiled, “Invite her to the Kremlin to do a private psychic session for me.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

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Donald Trump: Heading To The White House

January 13, 2017 at 1:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“Adolf Hitler is the most over-rated dictator ever” Donald Trump the President-elect tweeted when a New Age psychic who claimed she could channel spirits reported that Adolf Hitler’s ghost had referred to Mr. Trump’s policies as racist.

When he had finished tweeting, the President-elect went to his first press conference where he spent most of his time telling off reporters.

“You’re an idiot,” Trump said to one reporter.

“You’re a moron,” he said to another.

“You’re a total scumbag,” he blasted yet another.

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and good day,” Trump ended the press conference.

One of Trump’s aides handed Mr. Trump a mobile phone saying, “The President of Russia is on the line, Mr. President-elect.”

Trump took the mobile and put it to his ear, “Hi Vlad baby. How’s it going? You want to annex Ukraine and Georgia? (to his aide) Say, did Georgia vote for me or for Hillary? What was that, Vlad? Oh, you’re not talking about the state where Gen. Sherman made an entire southern flambe out of the City of Atlanta? The former Soviet republic on the Black Sea? Sure, go ahead. Most of its leaders- their last names I can’t pronounce plus they’re awfully difficult to spell.”

He handed the mobile back to his aide.

“I just read in the National Enquirer,” Trump spoke to another aide, “that a painting has been discovered in a Paris art gallery. It’s apparently a sixteenth century painting said to have been painted by Nostradamus and the painting reportedly shows the Vatican in Rome being burnt to the ground by Muslim invaders. I want you to find this painting for me. Get an art expert to determine if it’s genuine and if it is, buy it for me. I’d like to present it as a gift for Pope Francis.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 12th
2017

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Putin and The Polar Bear

November 15, 2016 at 5:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Philosophy, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Putin and The Polar Bear

Russian President Vladimir Putin had a polar bear teddy bear on his desk.

“Where did you get that, Comrade President?” His aide Yuri asked.

Putin smiled a rare smile for Putin, “A little girl in a town I visited last week gave it to me. She said to give it a hug whenever I feel stressed.”

“Nice,” Yuri nodded.

“And as President of Russia, I do feel stress,” Putin was in a reflective mood.

He looked at the globe of the world on his desk.

And looked at the map of Russia on the wall.

“I genuinely hope that we will be able to have good relations with the new Administration in Washington D.C.,” Putin touched his lips reflectively with his forefinger.

“I hope so too, Comrade President,” Yuri nodded.

Putin had a far away look in his eyes.

“Gold bullion for your thoughts, Mr. President,” said Yuri.

“What? Russian rubles are no longer good for you anymore, Yuri,” Putin laughed a rare laugh.

Yuri smiled, “What are you thinking about?”.

“About Shakespeare’s figure of MacBeth,” Putin answered philosophically, “about the 3 witches’ prophecy. Did MacBeth have to fulfill the prophecy or did he have free will? Could the witches have prophesied and then MacBeth decided not to do it? Not to kill Duncan? Did the fact that the witches prophesied mean he had to kill Duncan? Or was the prophecy just a warning of what might happen should Macbeth kill Duncan?”.

Yuri looked at his boss, “What brought this on?”.

“Oh, just something that I read that disturbed me lately,” Putin answered.

On another desk in his room, Putin’s Russian Bible was open to Ezekiel Chapters 38 and 39.

“I believe God gave us free will, Excellency,” his aide answered, “unlike what witches like those in MacBeth might tell us, there’s always the possibility of hope.”

Putin looked over at a statue of Our Lady of Fatima that a Catholic priest from Portugal had once given him.

“Yes, there is, isn’t there?” Putin thought, “Do you know where Hitler once served over in France in World War I, Yuri?”.

“No, Mr. President,” Yuri shook his head.

“At Vimy Ridge which was finally taken by the Canadians in April, 1917,” Putin said, “and it was the Vimy Ridge War Memorial to the Canadian dead that was the one Entente allied war memorial from World War I that Hitler ordered not destroyed after France fell in 1940. As if for one brief moment, Hitler felt a sense of humanity with people who had fought his nation as enemies. Sadly it was only one brief shining moment like King Arthur’s Camelot was in that song in the famous Broadway musical of the 1960s.”

“What is it you’re trying to say, Comrade President?” Yuri inquired.

Putin was silent.

He picked up the polar bear teddy bear that the little girl had given him.

“Maybe it’s not big actions that make all the difference,” Putin commented, “maybe it’s small acts of kindness, a little here, a little there, a little everywhere that truly move the world.”

Putin used the little toy teddy bear polar bear to give the globe of the world a spin.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 13th
2016.

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Renfield Meets Prince Charles

October 22, 2016 at 4:11 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield Meets Prince Charles

Renfield R. Renfield had been called in to meet H.R.H. The Prince of Wales to discuss the latest failed peace treaty between Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and his opponents.

A memorandum of understanding that Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley had put together between the various parties (on a secret diplomatic mission for the British government) had collapsed thanks to help from Renfield R. Renfield.

Prince Charles was meeting Renfield to see if something could be done to rectify the situation.

As Renfield waited for His Highness inside the waiting room at Clarence House, he broke into a little song and ditty he had written and composed himself a few years back,

“Oh, I’m Charles Prince of Wales,
I’ve got plenty of tails
to help keep the women afloat…”

“Ahem,” a cough came from behind Renfield.

Renfield turned.

It was Charles Prince of Wales.

“Your Highness,” said Renfield, “I didn’t hear you come in…”

“Throw that bum out of here,” Charles directed his servants.

“But Your Highness,” Renfield protested.

Too late.

Renfield was thrown out of Clarence House.

Meanwhile Russian President Vladimir Putin was deploying the largest naval force since the end of the Cold War.

All headed towards Syria.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 22nd
2016.

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Michelangelo’s Psychic Visions For October 19th 2016

October 19, 2016 at 2:39 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Psychic Visions For October 19th 2016

Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster was in his aquarium where a bunch of psychic visions were entering his mind as he slept…

Hillary Clinton (addressing a group of cheering supporters in the New York Times Editorial Board Room): I promise my first act as President of the United States will be to nuke Vladimir Putin’s Russia…

Joe Biden (on an interview show): Vladimir Putin should not interfere in our election by saying he prefers Trump.
Russia’s leader should not be allowed to interfere in other countries’ elections.
What’s good enough for George Soros and us is not good enough for Vladimir Putin and the Russians…

Odoacer (in the year 476 AD): It’s time to put an end to the Western Roman Empire once and for all…

Vladimir Putin (in the year 2016): It’s time to put an end to the American Empire once and for all…

(Michelangelo woke up from his dreams in a sweat despite the fact that he was already submerged in salt water)

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 19th
2016.

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