Hell Celebrates 6th Anniversary of Pope Benedict’s Resignation Announcement

February 11, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“Well,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his parliamentary colleague Newbridge in Wales MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana, “It looks like I may have to arrange to have Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles shot off with a semi-automatic weapon after all. I see The Manchester Guardian is reporting that the Pakistani government is refusing to let Christian woman and alleged Mohammed blasphemer Asia Bibi leave the country to join her daughters in Canada. I told that overrated cricket player they have for a national leader that unless he lets Asia leave Pakistan, his balls are toast.”

Renfield went to the washroom carrying the toilet paper he had ordered with pictures of the Prophet Mohammed on each sheet (he ordered it after reading the article).


DARPA Contract Assassiness Panty Goatee: Hired by British MP Renfield R. Renfield to shoot off Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan’s testicles with a semi-automatic weapon when she gets the text message from Renfield, “Cricket balls will be all that he has left to play with.”

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper the head of the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican opened his drawers trying to see if he could find his rolls of toilet paper that alternated between pictures of Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary on each sheet.

The night before, Cardinal Kasper (the Unfriendly Unholy Ghost as he was called by nickname) had opened up another pair of drawers to let the combined incubus/succubus called the Baphomet “come shining through” as the Cyndi Lauper song True Colours played on a record player on a dressing table next to his bed.

Now a virtually unknown and extremely rare record of the late great Jimmy Durante singing a little known hit, “Do you have a pain-us in your anus?” was playing on the record player.

Cardinal Kasper stopped the gramophone.

The song hit a little too close for comfort as far as memories of his nighttime encounter with the Baphomet went.

The Cardinal then walked over to his iPhone X where he wrote a statement condemning the Manifesto of Faith written by Gerhard Cardinal Muller (the former Prefect of The Congregation For The Doctrine of The Faith who had been appointed by Pope Benedict XVI in 2012 and fired by Pope Francis the Zero in 2017) and released this past weekend.

In the Manifesto of Faith, Cardinal Muller defended belief in the Trinity, the Incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ, the Sacraments, the moral law and the prospects of eternal life.

“These are not true Catholic doctrines,” Cardinal Kasper protested in a text message to Pope Francis.

Kasper opened the door to his personal bathroom where New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s astral twin was in the bathtub sacrificing 91 snow white hares from the Bavarian Alps to a statue of Baal/Moloch sitting atop the Norman Bates autographed Bates Motel showerhead in the tub area.

“Oops, sorry to disturb,” the Cardinal apologized and closed the bathroom door.

Next door in the Cardinal’s private Saint Gallen Chapel of Saint Hecate and All Witches, the Baphomet was ensuring that what he considered a naughty Italian schoolgirl (for wearing a traditional Crucifix) remained standing in the corner.

. . .


The 3 Witches who appeared to MacBeth the Thane of Glamis and later Cawdor. From left to right, the witches are Baphometa (daughter of Baphomet), Kalilama (daughter of Kali and Shiva whose name became lost to time) and Hecatelena (daughter of Hecate whose name also became lost to time).

The 3 Witches had been sent back in time to the year 1040 AD by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor to meet with MacBeth.

Today they were present in the Vatican Gardens and meeting with the ghost of Lady MacBeth as well as the astral twins of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and White House advisor Jared Kushner.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 11th
2019.

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Baphomet, Baal and Santa Muerte In The Congressional Cafeteria

February 8, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was trying to see if he could enhance the psychic powers of his genetically created psychic lobster Michelangelo by getting him to stare at a marble bust of the Greek nature satyr god Pan.

Michelangelo was only able to stare at Pan’s bust for 10 seconds before he brought up his dinner of a seaweed burger.

“He’s able to stare at the busts and other assets of the leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes a lot longer,” remarked Miss Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to Set Enterprises’ owner the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

“Yes, but we don’t want any more lobster tank explosions,” Dr. Rocher didn’t want any more lab floodings that happened whenever his immortal and eternally young looking great-grandmother the professional dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) entered the lab.

Sherrielock Holmes playing Cathy in a stage production of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights back in the 1930s.

However just the sight of looking at the marble bust of Pan was enough to send Michelangelo into a terrifying vision of the present.

. . .

The demon Baphomet was walking through the Congressional cafeteria on Capitol Hill with his good friend and devilish godfather/godmother Santa Muerte (who was worshipped by drug gangs and drug dealers in Mexico as their patron saint – he/she had originally been the fallen Archangel Samael but 85 years ago had become transgendered while living in Mexico and had undergone an extremely long transitioning process ever since- it was much longer for fallen angels like Samael than it was for mortal humans like Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner).

The two walked by House speaker Nancy Pelosi who was sitting there drinking Samuel Adams GOAT Beer (supposedly named after Tom Brady but really named after the Baphomet) and eating the cafeteria special of barbecued baby fingers and barbecued baby toes alongside the demon Baal.

“Well, the good thing is,” Santa Muerte/Samael slapped the Baphomet on the back, “is Pope Francis has now said that all religions are part of God’s plan in the joint statement that he signed on Human Fraternity with Sheikh Ahmad al-Tayyib the Grand Imam of Cairo’s al-Azhar University. So I guess that includes religions that worship us as well. This Pope Francis is certainly a lot more open minded than that Jesus Christ fellow ever was.”

They passed by a TV set in the cafeteria showing New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo doing a TV commercial for new Buffalo New York style Buffalo Baby Fingers and Buffalo Baby Toes.

. . .

German Cardinal Walter Kasper was thinking about the dreams he had been having every night since the start of this year.

He dreamt that he was visited each night by the Baphomet appearing to him as a combined incubus/succubus who had sexual relations with him.

He stopped to rub the fur of Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft (a regular fixture around the Vatican since October 13th of 2017) as he pondered his dreams.


And in one of the Vatican greenhouses, Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal performed a ceremony using Pope Francis’s Baphomet stang that he carried at the Vatican Synod On Youth last autumn.

. . .

After having had these frightening visions of the Congressional Cafeteria on Capitol Hill and of the Vatican, Michelangelo had a more pleasant vision.

A vision of the billionaire vampire Set’s personal concert pianist Amadeus Emanon being married to the New Orleans vampiress/songstress Angelique Dumont in a beachside wedding on a tropical island a few years hence.

Wearing an extremely extremely powerful sunblock in addition to her wedding dress, the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont is married to Amadeus Emanon in a beachside ceremony on a tropical island.

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Hecate In The Vatican

March 2, 2017 at 7:43 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol were busy walking the halls of the Vatican.

Unofficially of course.

Since Dracul Van Helsing had been banned from the Vatican for calling German Cardinal Walter Kasper a heretic (even though he is one!).

Dracul Van Helsing had written a Monty Python Lumberjack Song style script in which Cardinal Kasper had gone around singing, “Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay.”

Cardinal Kasper was not amused.

And neither was his boss Pope Francis.

Van Helsing and Whitstable were in the Vatican because they had been informed by sources in the know that Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, necromancy and sorcery had been seen wandering the halls of the Vatican.

“Well,” Dracul commented, “no doubt Alexander Hislop the author of The Two Babylons is dancing with joy in his grave at the fact that Hecate has been spotted wandering the halls of the Vatican..’

Hecate had been spotted in the Vatican in each one of her three forms- maiden, matron and crone.

“This,” Whitstable opened the door to the room of the enigmatic Cardinal JM, “is the room from which Hecate first emerged according to our source.”

Van Helsing and Whitstable entered the room which was empty of any Crosses, Crucifixes or statues of Mary and the Saints.

There on the Cardinal’s altar was an unusual assembly of paraphernalia.

“That doesn’t look like Greek sorcery there,” said Whitstable, “it looks more like Haitian voodoo.”

“It does,” Van Helsing agreed,

“And there appears to be a photo of some Cardinal whose image has been made into a voodoo doll stuck with pins,” Whitstable pointed, “Do you recognize the Cardinal, Dracul?”.

“It’s Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke,” Dracul replied, “the former Patron of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta.”

“What did he do to inspire Cardinal JM’s hatred?” Whitstable asked.

“I don’t know,” Dracul Van Helsing shrugged, “but it appears there’s something rotten in the state of the Vatican.”

Meanwhile in his suite in the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming of a vision he had encountered in the forest outside Moscow last autumn.

The vision was of Hecate in her maiden form handing him a crystal ball in the shape of a purple globe of the world.

Hecate The Greek Goddess of Witchcraft In Her Maiden Form

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 2nd
2017.

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Zombie Christ Nativity Scene

December 9, 2015 at 8:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Zombie Christ Nativity Scene

Cardinal JM was contemplating a lawsuit as he stared at the Nativity scene on his desk.

It was his own personally designed Nativity scene that he had made back in 2012- when he thought the pagan gods of the ancient world would be returning to Earth.

Unfortunately a Russian nuclear submarine with a laser death ray had vapourized and disintegrated the returning space ships of Osiris and Quetzalcoatl with their deity occupants back on December 21st 2012.

Then back on Halloween night last year, the great scientific genius Dr. Cadbury Rocher had managed to reassemble the particles of Osiris and Quetzalcoatl and put them back together again.

Dr. Rocher did this work clandestinely since most of the time Dr. Rocher was employed by Set Enterprises owned by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (and Set probably wouldn’t be too pleased by having his brother, brother-in-law and rival Osiris reassembled yet again).

But getting back to his beloved Nativity scene, Cardinal JM wiped a tear from his eye, he had made back in 2012 a fierce looking Zombie Christ Child with fangs visited by 3 zombie wise men.

And he had just discovered that a couple in Ohio in the U.S. had been displaying a larger sized Nativity scene (with the exact same theme as his) on their property the past couple of Christmasses.

What use was it being a great artist and thinker if other people swiped your ideas?

Cardinal JM wiped another tear from his eye.

He helped himself to some human fingers from his appetizer bowl as he gazed lovingly at the Zombie Christ Child.

He blew his nose into his handkerchief and wiped away a few more tears.

He went over to his prized collection of The Collected Writings of Cardinal Walter Kasper on his mantelpiece.

Pope Francis had said reading Cardinal Kasper was like “doing theology on one’s knees”.

Vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had added, “Yes while vomiting into the toilet.”

Van Helsing and Pope Francis held widely contrasting views on Cardinal Kasper’s theology.

Cardinal JM looked at his watch.

It was time to join his private secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe in prayers to Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in their private chapel to her.

They would ask Hecate for her witchcraft blessing on the coming Papal Year of Mercy.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 9th
2015.

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