Birthday

November 28, 2019 at 10:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Life, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Birthday

His birthday fell on U.S. Thanksgiving this year.

And he was Canadian.

So his birthday would be being marked south of the border.

Rita Hayworth was his favourite actress.

Although he had daydreamed about her, she had never appeared in any of his dreams as he slept.

Possibly the new year of his life was off to a good start as he had dreamed about her in the early morning.

In his dream, he had been a detective.

And he had been called in with his cousins to solve a mystery of a rock music band who had mysteriously disappeared on his uncle’s farm.

And Rita Hayworth was his assistant who helped him solve the mystery.

Or at least he assumed he had solved the mystery.

He woke up just as he dreamed he was kissing her.

But still that was off to a good start.

Usually he always woke up before he got the chance to kiss any beautiful woman who appeared in his dream.

He walked outside to shovel the snow.

As a great deal of snow had fallen over night.

As he walked down the steps of the house where he rented a basement room, he noticed rabbit tracks in the snow around the front yard.

That was always a good sign for a new year of life.

As rabbits always made him think of his father who had been born in the Chinese zodiac year of the Rabbit.

. . .

Xi Jinping the paramount leader of China wondered who this mysterious Mr. Inn Lu was in Sydney Australia who was hiding a PRC (People’s Republic of China) Ministry of State Security intelligence defector named Wang in one of his Sydney safe houses.

Wang defected with the help of another Ministry of State Security operative the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (granddaughter of Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh).

Ho herself then went and defected to Taiwan.

Xi tried to get ahold of another Ministry of State Security official the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu to try to track down both defectors.

But she didn’t seem to be answering her Huawei smart phone.

. . .

“Well, Mei-ling,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his vampiress friend from Beijing, “What have you come to tell me?”.

“Well,” Mei-ling licked her vampiress incisors with her tongue, “I’ve decided to overthrow China’s megalomaniac totalitarian despot Xi Jinping and make myself Empress of China.”

“An excellent idea,” Renfield sipped his brandy, “what can I do to help?”.

. . .

Inside a time tunnel in a mountain hideout, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was about to set out with her companion:

“Well, Dracul,” she asked Van Helsing, “are you ready to begin our mission?”.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday November 28th
2019.

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Part 2 Mr. Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

November 27, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Part 2 Mr. Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

The reclusive Sydney Australia billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was being interviewed by a reporter for America’s Sci-Fi Channel.

“Well, Mr. Lu,” the reporter said, “I don’t know if our audience will believe that you are in fact a time traveler who was once a scientist, inventor and palace court official serving a Ming Dynasty Emperor in Beijing who got caught up in a time warp brought about when scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland had one too many martinis on the job before they started firing up the old inter-dimensional time tunnel and you suddenly found yourself in Sydney Australia in the year 1900. Or that you had developed a potion of immortality before you got caught in the time warp. But the story should be right up their Sci-Fi alley.”

“Always glad to help people find what’s up their alley,” Mr. Inn Lu smiled.

“And is your name really Inn Lu?” The reporter asked, “None of the professors of Medieval Chinese History we talked to found any record of a court official serving in a Ming Dynasty palace court who had the name Inn Lu.”

“My real name is a cosmic top secret,” Mr. Inn Lu continued to smile, “I have not told any Australian Security Intelligence Organization (ASIO) official what my real name is. Otherwise the whole world would know my real name by the next morning since ASIO operatives are such blabber mouths.”

“So how did you get the name Inn Lu?” The Sci-Fi Channel Reporter asked.

“Well when I suddenly found myself transported through time and place from the Ming Dynasty palace court in Beijing to Sydney Australia in the year 1900,” Inn Lu explained, “the first place I wound up was in a washroom in a beer parlour in Sydney. The first person who came through the washroom door at the time I made my cosmic arrival was someone whose name I later discovered was Goliath Rougechemin. When he saw me dressed in my resplendent Ming Dynasty court robes standing in the midst of the beer parlour washroom, he said to me, “How did a person like you come to be in the loo?”. Since I didn’t know English at the time, the only words I caught was “in” and “loo”. That suddenly became my name although I changed it to Inn Lu.”

“And we understand that the recent PRC Ministry of State Security official who defected from Communist China to Australia is hiding in one of your safe houses? The intelligence operative code named Wang Ho?” The Sci-Fi Channel reporter asked.

“That’s right,” Inn Lu nodded, “Although his code name was recently changed from Wang Ho to Wang Chung “for security reasons” or so the memo said. Actually the whole thing was supposed to be a top secret operation although ASIO operatives have been blabbing about the whole operation in the Comments sections of WordPress blogs all over the world so it isn’t so top secret anymore.”

“Well, we thank you for granting us this interview,” the Sci-Fi reporter smiled.

“Always a pleasure talking to members of the Press,” Inn Lu smiled back.

Inn Lu’s Samsung Galaxy smart phone went off.

A text message.

“Should I go?” The reporter asked, “Is the message top secret?”.

“Oh no,” Inn Lu shook his head, “It’s from a friend of mine. A rather eccentric character who calls himself Uncle Ernie. He’s worried because it suddenly occurred to him that a package of his special fruit gummy bears he sent out containing his 72 special and secret ingredients he might have inadvertently mailed to the wrong address. He may have sent it to the person’s place of work rather than his home address.”

. . .

Donald Trump entered the Oval Office of the White House.

He suddenly noticed something on his desk that he didn’t recall seeing before.

“Hm,” said Trump who just loved grabbing things, “Nice of one of my secret service agents to leave this bag of gummy bears lying around.”

Trump started eating the gummy bears.

Half an hour later, one of the Secret Service agents entered the Oval Office just as the Donald was standing on top of his desk flapping his arms as if they were bird’s wings and shouting, “Woo! Hoo! I can fly!”.

“Um… Mr. President?” Said the Secret Service agent, “Did you happen to see a bag of fruit gummy bears lying around? I accidentally left them behind.”

“They were on my desk,” the Donald smiled, “I ate them all.”

The Donald starts to sing in Stanley Holloway Alfred P. Doolittle fashion from My Fair Lady, “I’m getting impeached in the morning. Ding! Dong! The bells are going to chime! …. Pull out the stopper! Let’s have a whopper! But get me to the House on time!”.

“Um… Mr. President?” The Secret Service agent pointed outside the Oval Office window, “What’s a large dirigible airship doing landing on the White House lawn?”.

“I ordered it,” the Donald replied, “as part of an impromptu Thanksgiving Day parade in Washington DC tomorrow. I’m going to fly in it along with a whole bunch of turkeys tomorrow. Then 50 feet above the Lincoln Memorial, the turkeys and I will jump out of the dirigible and fly towards the ground.”

The Secret Service agent held in his hands an old magazine from the 1980s (he had been visiting a dentist’s office that afternoon).

And in the magazine was an interview with Donald Trump who said that one of his favourite TV shows of all time was WKRP In Cincinnati.

He told the magazine interviewer that he had watched every single episode of WKRP In Cincinnati except one.

The secret service agent said to himself, “What the Democrats so far have failed to do, missing a single episode of WKRP In Cincinnati may succeed.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 27th
2019. 

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Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

November 25, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Inn Lu: International Man of Mystery

Recently a man claiming to be a intelligence agent for Communist China’s Ministry of State Security had gone to Australia and defected to ASIO (the Australian Security Intelligence Organization).

The man was given the code name Wang Ho (and claimed to have an explosive treasure trove of intelligence information including how Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pet pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever was brutally murdered by Chinese State Security operatives in a re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of western China.
And how a portion of Strawberry Fields Forever’s body was given to paramount leader Xi Jinping’s personal gardener for examination, experimentation and analysis).

Wang Ho was kept for safe keeping in a safe house owned and operated by Mr. Inn Lu one of Sydney’s most mysterious and elusive businessmen.

The reason Wang Ho was given to Mr. Inn Lu was because many ASIO operatives were said to have a serious drinking problem and couldn’t be trusted to keep Wang Ho alive and safe while they were in the process of sleeping off their hangovers.

Not much was known about Inn Lu who was described by the Sydney Morning Herald as “mysterious and inscrutable” in 1931 (for their centennial edition).

If ASIO operatives (and most people in the Australian government) had been sober, they might have asked themselves why Inn Lu had never aged a day from the way he looked in that Sydney Morning Herald photograph from almost 90 years ago.

All that was known about Inn Lu was that he was a staunch anti-Communist and therefore could be trusted to keep the PRC Ministry of State Security defector alive.

Trouble was brewing for both Inn Lu and Wang Ho however in that Donald Trump had sent to Australia a U.S. ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agent named Eichmann Himmler who was to give ASIO operatives advice on how to deal with illegal immigrants.

Eichmann Himmler was the ICE agent responsible for setting up detention facilities for immigrants along the U.S.-Mexico border.

Locking fathers behind bars at one facility.

Locking mothers behind bars at another facility.

And locking children and babies behind bars at yet another facility.

Eichmann Himmler did not get off to a good start with ASIO operatives as he walked in on them halfway through their lunch hour (when almost all of them were currently working on their 30th bottle of beer).

The first thing Eichmann Himmler did was go after koala bears saying “These creatures are so damned cute, they’re obviously up to something.”

Every koala bear that Eichmann Himmler asked for their identification papers did not have them.

Thus father koalas were thrown into one facility.

Mother koalas were thrown into another facility.

And baby koalas were thrown into yet another.

“After all,” Eichmann Himmler lectured the snoozing in an alcoholic haze ASIO operatives, “how do we know these koala bears are resident Australians? How do we know they didn’t come from somewhere else?”.

Eichmann Himmler did the same with Eucalyptus trees (he became suspicious of the plant when they seemed to be the main diet of the koala bears).

He locked up Eucalyptus trees all over the nation of Australia bringing in botanists from all over the U.S. to determine the tree’s gender and age and then lock them up in the appropriate facility.

“After all,” Eichmann Himmler lectured the still snoozing in an alcoholic haze ASIO operatives, “how do we know these Eucalyptus trees are resident Australians? How do we know they didn’t come from somewhere else?”.

This was the sort of brilliant and profound mind that ICE agent Eichmann Himmler had.

The bet was on in Washington DC that the next time Trump fired a National Security Council head in one of his Twitter tweets, that it would probably be Eichmann Himmler who would be the next NSC head.

Now Eichmann Himmler took it upon himself to investigate the mysterious Mr. Inn Lu whom ASIO had handed PRC defector Wang Ho to for safekeeping.

“After all,” Eichmann Himmler told the room now empty of ASIO operatives since Happy Hour had now begun in all the Australian bars and lounges, “how do we know Mr. Inn Lu isn’t an illegal immigrant? After all, he’s Asian isn’t he? And we all know the United Kingdom that founded this great country is closer to Australia than Asia is.”

As Donald Trump in Washington DC fired off a tweet praising the intelligence and profound geographic knowledge of one ICE agent Eichmann Himmler, Himmler, after receiving a fax from DARPA, set off to confront Inn Lu.

In the Shangri-La Gardens Hotel (owned by Inn Lu) in downtown Sydney, Eichmann Himmler confronted the mysterious and reclusive businessman.

“I know who you are, Inn Lu,” Himmler said.

“Do you now?” Inn Lu’s eyes twinkled behind his spectacles.

“Yes, DARPA turned to Britain’s Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster for information about your background,” Eichmann Himmler wagged his finger at him, “you were apparently an important scientist, inventor and court official in the palace court of one of the Ming Emperors. While you were doing mathematical calculations about how to change the time-space continuum, the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland was doing the exact same calculations in our own time. This created a time warp. You were sent to Australia in the year 1900 from the palace court in Ming Dynasty Beijing you were at. You also discovered a potion of immortality that you brought with you from that Ming Dynasty court. You have lived in Australia for over 119 years now but you never bothered to get citizenship. You have also been involved in espionage to get today’s descendants of the Ming Emperors to power in China. Hence the reason for your strong anti-Communism. I’m here to see you deported and sent back to China where you belong.”

“You’ve caught me, Comrade Eichmann,” Inn Lu smiled, “but you look rather hot. Why don’t you take a refreshing dip in our hotel pool? Plenty of time to deport me later.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Eichmann Himmler took off his clothes and jumped in.

One of the hotel maintenance staff said to Mr. Inn Lu, “Mr. Lu, isn’t this the hour that the Sydney Crocodile Club rents the pool to give their crocodiles a home away from home?”.

“It is,” Mr. Inn Lu smiled, “I regret I forgot to tell Comrade Eichmann Himmler.”

“I want to see your identity papers,” Eichmann Himmler screamed at one of the crocodiles just before it bit his head off.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 25th 
2019.

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