Harvey Tallbanger, Antichrist Apostle Mario Draghi, Inanna and Ishtar

March 12, 2021 at 11:10 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Italian Prime Minister Mario Draghi announced that Italy would be under a total lockdown over the Easter weekend for the 2nd year in a row.

Before going to address a virtual press conference, Draghi unbeknownst to himself, was injected with Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Truth Serum by Harvey Tallbanger (the invisible to mortals) 6 foot 8 tall purple coloured bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.

Harvey was a Welsh pooka a mischievous supernatural creature from Welsh and Celtic folklore.

During the press conference, Italian Prime Minister Mario Draghi was asked why he decided that Easter should be cancelled for the 2nd year in a row in Italy.

“Because I’m an Apostle of the Antichrist,” Draghi (well under the influence of the Dr. Cadbury Rocher Truth Serum) replied.

As he answered, the words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST appeared in red and black felt ink letters on his forehead.

Draghi continued, “If we can stop the Sacrifice of the Mass from being said in Churches all over the world, this will definitely lay the foundation for the Antichrist’s imminent appearance on the world stage. Because unbeknownst to many of you, many world leaders and I worship the Antichrist in private and secret. We’ve been able to use the Wuhan CCP Virus pandemic to close Churches and stop the Sacrifice of the Mass all over the world. And it’s especially effective when you’re able to stop the Sacrifice of the Mass from being said at Christmas and Easter.””

Joe Biden was watching the Mario Draghi press conference on his TV set in the Oval Office.

He asked his marijuana pot smoking cactus plant Sweet Dementia sitting atop his Oval Office desk, “Am I one of those world leaders who secretly worship the Antichrist?”.

Because he had apparently forgotten.

“Yes,” Sweet Dementia spelled out the word in the air through her pot exhalation smoke.

“Wow, that really blows my mind,” Beijing Joe remarked, “No wonder I get along so well with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. To say nothing of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts.”

Meanwhile in the Vatican, the Sumerian goddess Inanna and her identical twin sister the Akkadian/Assyrian/Babylonian goddess Ishtar were watching the Mario Draghi press conference on the TV set in Pope Francis’ study.

They had flown to Rome with Pope Francis on his plane ride back from Iraq.

“We must stop Mario Draghi from talking,” Inanna remarked to Ishtar, “He’s blabbing too much.”

They flew (like bats out of Hell) to the site of Mario Draghi’s press conference where they knocked him out.

As Draghi lay there unconscious on the floor, he received a spaghetti and meatball laced cream pie in the face – courtesy of Harvey Tallbanger.

Inanna or Ishtar? : Only her hairdresser knows for sure.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 12th
2021.

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Lepardia Marango and Harvey Tallbanger At Donald Trump Press Conference

March 21, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Lepardia Marango and Harvey Tallbanger At Donald Trump Press Conference

NBC News White House correspondent Peter Alexander had asked Donald Trump the question regarding the Coronavirus crisis, “What do you say to Americans who are scared?”.

Trump replied, “I’d say you are a terrible reporter.”

Both British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set felt that Trump should be given a come uppance for this stupid ass remark.

Especially since Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had a vision in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises yesterday morning that Trump would soon declare martial law and say that this fall’s Presidential election would be postponed indefinitely because of the Coronavirus which the racist bozo in the Oval Office kept calling the “Chinese virus”.

All that was needed for Trump to act was if he fell behind either Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders in the opinion polls.

Thus Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger (a 6 ft. 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who was invisible most of the time) went over to America along with Renfield and Dracul Van Helsing’s friend Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London.

They flew across the ocean in Set’s high speed environmentally friendly dirigible airship that had been invented by Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The high flying supersonic eco-friendly airship was powered by legalized Canadian cannabis.

Thus it flew quite high and quite fast.

Although munchies’ snacks had to be fed constantly to the airship’s underbelly.

Tallbanger (who had shapeshifted into a human being news journalist who was visible) bearing press media credentials from TCM (Turner Classic Movies) went to the next White House press conference accompanied by Miss Lepardia Marango.

Tallbanger posed the same question to Trump that Peter Alexander had, “What do you say to Americans who are scared?”.

Trump’s snitty response was the same, “I’d say you are a terrible reporter.”

To which Tallbanger responded, “And I’d say you are a terrible President, you limpwristed jackass.”

Trump foamed at the mouth, “What, how dare you talk that way to me, the greatest world leader in world history?! Secret Service, arrest this man and charge him with high treason.”

Tallbanger then took a cream pie out from under his jacket and went up and threw it in the Donald’s face.

As Trump lay on the floor with his face and toupee covered in a combination of banana cream, coconut cream and shaving cream, he screamed, “Did you see what that insidiously evil individual did to me? Shoot him on the spot.”

Tallbanger shapeshifted into tall invisible bunny rabbit form and sneaked away.

Lepardia Marango met up with him in the Washington DC parking lot where Set’s eco-friendly cannabis pot fuelled dirigible was parked.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday March 21st
2020

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Harvey Tallbanger and Daniel Craig

April 26, 2019 at 10:29 pm (Espionage, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Movies, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

After his successful spying mission at the Vladivostok Summit between Vladimir Putin and King Jong-un, the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger returned to London.

He went to the Hare and Hound Pub.

Standing inside the doorway of the Hare and Hound Pub was the stuffed original Hound of The Baskervilles who had been found a few years ago.

“I see the hound but where’s the hare?” Harvey Tallbanger asked as he sat up at the bar.

“You know, I’m sick of people asking me that…” the pubkeeper looked up from behind the bar and stopped, “Say, who’s there?”.

“Harvey Tallbanger,” the 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit replied, “I’m invisible. But I do have money to pay.”

The rabbit brought visible British £ currency out of his invisible blue denim coveralls.

“Oh God, I’ve gone insane!” The pubkeeper said.

“No, you haven’t,” Harvey flashed his most attractive invisible smile, “if you were, you’d be in the Oval Office right now with one hand smoothing down your ridiculous looking toupee and your other hand with its finger on the nuclear button when it isn’t busy tweeting on Twitter.”

“What will you have, my invisible friend?” The pubkeeper asked.

“A Tequila Sunrise, please,” the pooka answered.

The pubkeeper made a tequila sunrise and handed it to the tall bunny rabbit.

Actor Daniel Craig and actress Naomie Harris entered the pub.

“Oh, wow, James Bond and Miss Moneypenny!” Harvey exclaimed, “My hero and my heroine!”.

“Who was that?” The acting duo asked at the same time.

“Don’t mind him,” the pubkeeper answered, “He’s invisible.”

Bond and Miss Moneypenny (as Harvey thought of them) both ordered pints of the local draft.

“What?” Harvey was incredulous, “No martini shaken not stirred?”.

“That’s only in the movies,” Daniel Craig answered.

“How disappointing fiction is from reality,” Harvey remarked as he sat next to the poster of Claude Rains as The Invisible Man.

“Isn’t there any way people can see you?” Naomie Harris asked.

“My creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher informs me that if people drink a Harvey Wallbanger, they can see me,” the pooka replied.

“What’s in a Harvey Wallbanger?” Craig asked.

“1 1/2 ounces of vodka, 3 ounces of orange juice and half an ounce of Galliano,” Harvey replied.

“I should try making one of those,” the pubkeeper remarked and proceeded to do just that.

“So after Bond 25, you’ll be sailing off into the 007 sunset,” Harvey said over his sunrise.

“I will indeed,” Craig admitted.

“Howdy, Bartender,” a man with a Texas drawl entered the pub.

“Oh no,” the pubkeeper shook his head, “The idiot who keeps asking me the same question day after day.”

“Say, bartender,” the Texan pointed towards the stuffed Hound of The Baskervilles, “for a place called The Hare and Hound, I can see the hound but where’s the hare?”.

“Try one of these,” the pubkeeper placed a Harvey Wallbanger in front of the Texan.

The Texan took a few sips of the Wallbanger and then pointed at Harvey sitting on the other side of the bar, “It’s the hare. It’s the hare.”

“What?” Daniel Craig and Naomie Harris both looked in the direction of the invisible entity.

“It’s my shiny locks,” the bunny rabbit flashed an invisible grin to Daniel Craig, Naomie Harris and the pubkeeper, “and all because I use Johnson’s Baby Shampoo.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 26th
2019.


Miss Moneypenny had many adventures in life and someday she’d meet an invisible bunny rabbit.

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