New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont and Welsh Werewolf Magog Rhys Petley

June 3, 2013 at 3:35 am (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont and Welsh Werewolf Magog Rhys Petley

There she was- in an elegant blue evening dress at the back of a 1950s black Cadillac getting her photos taken by a photographer.

New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont.

An actress and a songstress who had performed in several West London musicals.

A vampiress who had the ability to walk in the daylight thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley (an ardent fan of Miss Dumont) felt himself becoming sexually excited as soon as he saw her.

And sexual excitement for him meant the possibility of turning into a werewolf (even without the presence of a full moon) due to the peculiar variation of lycanthropy gene he carried within his DNA.

But fortunately he happened to be carrying a carton of buttermilk with him which he immediately started drinking.

For there was something in buttermilk that acted as an antidote to his peculiar form of lycanthropy.

“Magog,” Angelique greeted him.

“My darling Angelique,” Magog kissed her long black leather glove covered hand and immediately started having fantasies about being a submissive at the hands of such an exquisitely delectable dominatrix.

“I’ve heard that the British government is sending you to Syria as an envoy to get the government and the opposition to attend peace talks in Geneva,” Angelique noted.

“Yes, this mission will probably be as successful as my last peace mission almost 2 years ago now which ended in total failure,” Magog looked downcast.

During that mission, the Syro-Phoenician vampiress Astarte had appeared to him while he was talking to Syrian President Bashar Assad and becoming sexually aroused, he had turned into a werewolf in President Assad’s presence.

Needless to say the meeting did not go over well and the talks ended in failure.

“I’m sure this mission of yours will be much more successful,” Angelique gently kissed him on the cheek.

As Magog felt a huge erection coming on, he bowed to Angelique and thanked her and hurried down the street hastily finishing his carton of buttermilk.

To be continued.

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When In Rome Do As The Werewolves Do

October 25, 2011 at 9:19 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

At the door of Set’s colossal London mansion, Renfield was signing for an extremely long package from Purolator courier.

“What’s inside?” Amadeus asked while eating a chocolate eclair.

“The body of the Were-Zomb-ire,” Renfield replied as he opened it.

“It’s dead again?” Amadeus wiped some chocolate off his mouth.

“Yes, it got electrocuted yesterday after it tripped over a black cat and fell into a large fount of Holy Water in the Vatican garden,” Renfield answered.

“I wonder how it got to Rome?” Amadeus reached into a box and helped himself to his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.

“Moloch the demon took possession of its body and then used the creature’s bat wings to fly to Rome,” Renfield answered.

“Wow,” Amadeus looked at the body of the Were-Zomb-ire in the very long box, “when Purolator says they can deliver anything, they really mean it.”

“Of course they do,” Renfield laughed, “how do you think I manage to get the products grown on my cocaine field in Colombia past U.S. customs.”

“Really?” Amadeus momentarily stopped eating his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.

“Really,” Renfield nodded.

“Wow,” Amadeus continued eating his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.

“So I wonder what the poor demon Moloch will do since his host body of the Were-Zomb-ire has died?” Renfield started to read the Last Rites from the Necronomicon over the creature’s body.

* * *

Welsh Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in Rome on a mission for the British government.

He was to meet a representative of the Libyan Transitional Council in Rome and sign an agreement with the new Libyan government.

Rhys Petley was also a werewolf- a malady he suffered from ever since he was bitten by the demon Rahu many months ago.

This particular variation of the lycanthropy gene he received through the bite could turn him into a werewolf at any time- not only during the full moon.

While sitting in a cybercafe in Rome and watching a YouTube video of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (who looked a lot like Salma Hayek) in a low-cut red evening dress administering a bare-bottom spanking to vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who lay across her lap, Magog Rhys Petley felt himself becoming sexually aroused.

He also felt himself turning into a werewolf.

After he turned into a werewolf which seemed to empty the cybercafe for some reason sending patrons screaming out into the street, Magog also felt some strange alien force trying to take possession of his body.

To be continued.

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The Coppertop Were-Zomb-ire

October 10, 2011 at 9:13 pm (TV Commercials, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

As Renfield sat looking depressed over the dead body of his most recent creation the Were-Zomb-ire, the redheaded cyborg Sophia entered the Set Enterprises lab wearing a tight fitting red mini dress, red silk nylons and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

She was followed by Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell the Executive Vice-President of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. as well as a TV camera crew.

“What are you doing here?” Renfield asked the sexy and sultry cyborg.

“I’m here to shoot a TV commercial about your dead creation the Were-Zomb-ire,” Sophia answered, “my recording manager Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell figures it will help my music career.”

“Oh great,” Renfield threw up his hands, “first someone posted a blog entry about my creation the Were-Zomb-ire’s death at Xanga a site no one cares about (except for C.S. Lewis wannabes with a fetish for boobs and non-butterfly little read unpopular Malaysian bloggers who don’t have a fetish for boobs) and now you’re going to broadcast my failure to the entire world.”

“That’s right,” Sophia adjusted her nylons and then smiled for the camera.

“Hit it,” Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell gave her the thumbs up.

“I’m sitting here with colossal failure Renfield R, Renfield,” Sophia smiled engagingly, “whose recent creation the Were-Zomb-ire a creature part werewolf, part zombie and part vampire was killed shortly after it was created. Mr. Renfield, what are your plans for the future?”.

“Well, I’ve been offered the position of Secretary of State in a second Obama Administration for after the next U.S. election….” Renfield tried to smile.

“Let’s try fitting your Were-Zomb-ire with a Duracell battery shall we?” Sophia cuts open the Were-Zomb-ire’s stomach with a butcher knife and then inserts a Duracell battery and then stitches together the incision with thread and then delivers an electrical charge to the Were-Zomb-ire’s stomach.

The Were-Zomb-ire then rises to life again.

“Duracell the Coppertop Battery,” Sophia smiles at the camera, “the battery recommended and used by most professional mad scientists.”

The Were-Zomb-ire then tears the door off the Set Enterprises lab and sets off to terrorize the City of London.

Amadeus Emanon enters through the now non-existent door of the Set Enterprises lab licking a maple walnut chocolate ice cream cone and remarking, “Hey Renfield, I noticed your Were-Zomb-ire came back to life and just stepped on the Energizer Bunny. It’s no longer going and going…”

To be continued.

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The Were-Zomb-ire

October 6, 2011 at 8:37 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

“So, what was it you invited me down to the lab to show me?” Amadeus asked as he ate a large piece of garlic sausage.

“I have created the world’s first were-zomb-ire,” Renfield laughed an evil laugh.

“What’s a were-zomb-ire?” Amadeus checked his Eagle Scout’s Iban-English Dictionary to see if he could find the word there.

“It’s part werewolf, part zombie and part vampire,” Renfield explained, “hence were-zomb-ire.”

“How did you create it?” Amadeus took a salt shaker out of his pocket and poured more salt on his garlic sausage.

“I extracted DNA from our Boss who as we know is a vampire, extracted some DNA from Welsh werewolf Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley and extracted some DNA from that late 19th Century Irish-Canadian boxer Gordon “The Black Irish” Donnelly who as we know was raised from the dead as a zombie a couple of years ago and has subsequently never lost a fight in this century,” Renfield boasted, “put all that DNA together in a test tube and shook it while I danced to that old Harry Belafonte song Day-O The Banana Boat Song and now you can see the finished results on the lab table- the world’s first were-zomb-ire.”

“Can I take a closer look?” Amadeus asked as he raised the blanket covering the creature on the lab table.

“Be my guest,” Renfield smiled triumphantly.

* * *

As the pair entered the front door of the London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, Renfield had an angry pissed-off look on his face and Amadeus was smiling as he whistled Day-O The Banana Boat Song.

“I take it your were-zomb-ire experiment didn’t work out so well, sir,” the valet and butler Athelstan remarked as he helped Renfield remove his jacket.

“Harrumph,” Renfield walked to his room.

“Well,” Amadeus remarked as he ate some hot buttered popcorn he had purchased on his way back from the lab, “I accidently spilled some garlic sausage and salt on the creature. Garlic disagrees with vampires as we know and it turns out salt kills zombies- something I didn’t know- I would have thought it would have been hot chili peppers as it is for the rest of us. Then after I spilled the garlic sausage and salt- I took out a bottle of water to quench my thirst- water I had picked up from the fount at Saint Francis Xavier Catholic Church- and I dropped the water on the creature- turned out to be Holy Water. Then when I dropped my contact lens on the floor and couldn’t find where it went, I opened the curtain and the window to let in some sunlight which fried the creature and then it turns out the lab’s neighbour the Duke of Marlborough was firing silver bullets into the air to protect his gold supply from thieves and one of the silver bullets came in through the window and struck the hairy werewolf face of the creature…”

“Say no more, sir,” Athelstan raised his hand, ” say no more…”

To be continued.

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