The Real Reason Coleridge Never Completed His Poem Kublai Khan

August 10, 2017 at 3:24 pm (Humour, Literature, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, )

“What the Hell? But it’s only a crescent moon tonight…”

Samuel Taylor Coleridge Werewolf

The real reason Samuel Taylor Coleridge never completed his poem Kublai Khan.

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The Cat Who Ate Wolves For Breakfast (Plus Lunch and Supper)

April 20, 2017 at 5:03 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Russian Spetsnaz special forces who had parachuted into Kiev last Thursday under the command of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith were werewolves.

They were a special type of werewolf.

Each soldier was a bodark werewolf.

A bodark is a person who wants to become a werewolf in Russia (as opposed to a a wawkalak who was just turned into a werewolf through the evil actions of the Devil).

To become a bodark, a person would run into a forest and stab a copper knife into a tree (while such an action might be pleasing to manufacturers of copper knives as well as those with huge investments in the copper industry, the undertaking doesn’t go over so well with Greenpeace and tree huggers everywhere).

While still holding on to the knife in the innocently stabbed tree, the would-be bodark is required to repeat this chant:

“On the sea, on the ocean, on the island, on Bujan,
On the empty pasture gleams the moon, on an ashstock lying
In a green wood, in a gloomy vale.
Toward the stock wandereth a shaggy wolf.
Horned cattle seeking for his sharp white fangs;
But the wolf enters not the forest,
But the wolf dives not into the shadowy vale,
Moon, moon, gold-horned moon,
Cheek the flight of bullets, blunt the hunters’ knives,
Break the shepherds’ cudgels,
Cast wild fear upon all cattle,
On men, on all creeping things,
That they may not catch the grey wolf,
That they may not rend his warm skin
My word is binding, more binding than sleep,
More binding than the promise of a hero!”

Once the tree has been stabbed and the incantation chanted (with Taylor Swift singing “Boys only want love if it’s torture” in the background), the person runs off into a forest and changes into a werewolf as he does so.

Once these Russian Spetsnaz special forces soldiers had become full-fledged grey wolf bodark werewolves, Vladimir Putin put these men under the command of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in a secret treaty he signed with her shortly after his 2014 annexation of Crimea.

Lilith’s Bodark Grey Wolf Squadron did not turn into werewolves during a full moon.

Instead they turned into werewolves after listening to an old Gramophone recording of Josef Stalin singing the Soviet National Anthem in concert with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (under a never revealed protocol of the Tehran Conference that was held from November 28th to December 1st 1943, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir were secretly flown to Moscow on December 26th 1943 (thereby missing out on Utah Boxing Day sales) to make the recording in musical choral accompaniment with Josef Stalin.

As Lilith played the recording turning the Russian Spetsnaz special forces commandos into grey wolf bodark werewolves, another grey wolf was walking the streets of Kiev.

The grey wolf was none other than the ancient Germanic god Wotan’s mortal son Adolf Hitler.

He had been granted permission to leave the Underworld by Hades and Persephone after Thor paid a visit on Odin/Wotan’s behalf requesting that they do so.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf stopped in its tracks when it heard the voice of Josef Stalin singing the Soviet National Anthem.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf visualized the Hungarian actor Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula saying, “Listen to him, the constipated dictator of the night. What a racket he makes.”

When the Gramophone finished playing and the commandos became grey wolf bodark werewolves, they were immediately attacked and eaten by a giant black cat.

The name of the giant black cat was Amorous Laetitia (whose name had inspired the title of a recent papal document although the first name was spelled differently in the Apostolic Exhortation).

Amorous Laetitia was the name of the personal pet cat and familiar of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Hecate had recently been beheaded by Pan Goatee’s astrally projected laser machete while she was in her crone form.

The head had been taken to a New York City cryogenics lab but the lab had been broken into by Loki and Fenrir and Fenrir had eaten the head.

Since then, Amorous Laetitia had torn apart every wolf she had come across in hopes she’d find her mistress’ head.

When she didn’t find it, she just ate the rest of the disemboweled wolf,

After seeing the black cat Amorous Laetitia eat the Spetsnaz bodarks, the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf ran down an alley and entered a building for safety.

The building turned out to be Brodsky Synagogue which was Kiev’s largest.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf could not help but think that the gods of the universe were playing some sort of cosmic joke on him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 20th
2017.

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New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont and Welsh Werewolf Magog Rhys Petley

June 3, 2013 at 3:35 am (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont and Welsh Werewolf Magog Rhys Petley

There she was- in an elegant blue evening dress at the back of a 1950s black Cadillac getting her photos taken by a photographer.

New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont.

An actress and a songstress who had performed in several West London musicals.

A vampiress who had the ability to walk in the daylight thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley (an ardent fan of Miss Dumont) felt himself becoming sexually excited as soon as he saw her.

And sexual excitement for him meant the possibility of turning into a werewolf (even without the presence of a full moon) due to the peculiar variation of lycanthropy gene he carried within his DNA.

But fortunately he happened to be carrying a carton of buttermilk with him which he immediately started drinking.

For there was something in buttermilk that acted as an antidote to his peculiar form of lycanthropy.

“Magog,” Angelique greeted him.

“My darling Angelique,” Magog kissed her long black leather glove covered hand and immediately started having fantasies about being a submissive at the hands of such an exquisitely delectable dominatrix.

“I’ve heard that the British government is sending you to Syria as an envoy to get the government and the opposition to attend peace talks in Geneva,” Angelique noted.

“Yes, this mission will probably be as successful as my last peace mission almost 2 years ago now which ended in total failure,” Magog looked downcast.

During that mission, the Syro-Phoenician vampiress Astarte had appeared to him while he was talking to Syrian President Bashar Assad and becoming sexually aroused, he had turned into a werewolf in President Assad’s presence.

Needless to say the meeting did not go over well and the talks ended in failure.

“I’m sure this mission of yours will be much more successful,” Angelique gently kissed him on the cheek.

As Magog felt a huge erection coming on, he bowed to Angelique and thanked her and hurried down the street hastily finishing his carton of buttermilk.

To be continued.

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When In Rome Do As The Werewolves Do

October 25, 2011 at 9:19 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

At the door of Set’s colossal London mansion, Renfield was signing for an extremely long package from Purolator courier.

“What’s inside?” Amadeus asked while eating a chocolate eclair.

“The body of the Were-Zomb-ire,” Renfield replied as he opened it.

“It’s dead again?” Amadeus wiped some chocolate off his mouth.

“Yes, it got electrocuted yesterday after it tripped over a black cat and fell into a large fount of Holy Water in the Vatican garden,” Renfield answered.

“I wonder how it got to Rome?” Amadeus reached into a box and helped himself to his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.

“Moloch the demon took possession of its body and then used the creature’s bat wings to fly to Rome,” Renfield answered.

“Wow,” Amadeus looked at the body of the Were-Zomb-ire in the very long box, “when Purolator says they can deliver anything, they really mean it.”

“Of course they do,” Renfield laughed, “how do you think I manage to get the products grown on my cocaine field in Colombia past U.S. customs.”

“Really?” Amadeus momentarily stopped eating his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.

“Really,” Renfield nodded.

“Wow,” Amadeus continued eating his 25th chocolate eclair of the day.

“So I wonder what the poor demon Moloch will do since his host body of the Were-Zomb-ire has died?” Renfield started to read the Last Rites from the Necronomicon over the creature’s body.

* * *

Welsh Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in Rome on a mission for the British government.

He was to meet a representative of the Libyan Transitional Council in Rome and sign an agreement with the new Libyan government.

Rhys Petley was also a werewolf- a malady he suffered from ever since he was bitten by the demon Rahu many months ago.

This particular variation of the lycanthropy gene he received through the bite could turn him into a werewolf at any time- not only during the full moon.

While sitting in a cybercafe in Rome and watching a YouTube video of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (who looked a lot like Salma Hayek) in a low-cut red evening dress administering a bare-bottom spanking to vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who lay across her lap, Magog Rhys Petley felt himself becoming sexually aroused.

He also felt himself turning into a werewolf.

After he turned into a werewolf which seemed to empty the cybercafe for some reason sending patrons screaming out into the street, Magog also felt some strange alien force trying to take possession of his body.

To be continued.

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