The Dangling Outlaw: A Poem

May 8, 2016 at 7:06 pm (Comedy, Horror, Poetry, western) (, , , , , )

The Dangling Outlaw: A Poem

(inspired by a comment I posted on my friend Sherrie de Valeria’s blog:


So gather around the campfire friends while I tell the tale
A tale that will make your faces ghostly pale
It’s the story of the Dangling Outlaw
a tale that will make your skin craw’

Sam Ryan was his name
Outlawing was his game
He robbed trains
splattered brains
of men he shot in the street
keeping his vest and tie neat

He robbed banks
never said thanks
He rustled cattle
and stole a baby’s rattle

Sam Ryan was as mean as mean could be
and dangled many a saloon girl on his knee
He laid them here
He laid them there
He laid them almost everywhere
like eggs from the Easter Bunny- that noble hare

Finally one day a posse was rounded up
and as Sam slept at the bar holding on to a cup
He was grabbed and taken away
The posse rode for many a day
until on the bare prairie
they found a lone tall tree

They threw a rope to the tallest branch
These men from the Double Square Ranch
And into the noose went Ryan’s head
Grinned the sheriff, “You’ll soon be dead”
They kicked the box from under him
And stood around drinking gin

But Ryan dangled and shouted “Never say die”
And as both the crow and time did fly
every one of the posse eventually succumbed to the Grim Reaper
And Sam lived 100 years into the Decade of the Beeper
but technology changed and so did the seasons
Why was Sam still alive? The universe has its reasons

30 years have passed since the Decade of the Beeper
And now Toms use their smart phone cameras to be a peeper
And occasionally they take a picture of Dangling Sam
And continue on their way without giving a damn

And Sam Ryan outlaw still dangles by rope on that lone prairie tree
He’s had nothing to drink so nothing to pee
He still shouts at the top of his lungs
Far and wide as the prairie grass sprungs
“Never say die!” “Never say die!”
Great lines on silver screen come and go such as “Here’s looking at you, kid” and “Mud in your eye”
But like repetitive parrot or Shakespearian actor who’s forgotten his lines
Sam says the same thing over and over into these 2016 times
“Never say die!” Never say die!”.

-A western narrative poem
written by Christopher
Sunday May 8th 2016.

Permalink 33 Comments

Just Another Day In The Wild West: A Poem

June 23, 2014 at 7:22 pm (Entertainment, Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , )

Just Another Day In The Wild West: A Poem

He rode on a horse this man with no name
just a stranger not looking for fame
he rode into town
wearing a frown
this man who shot a circus clown.
Barnum said a sucker was born every minute
but he would not be cuckolded and take it.
He found the carnival clown in bed with his wife
so he shot him with a gun ending his life.

For murder they hang a man
so he got on his horse and ran
so he rode and rode
passing many a toad
this desert had many
and much sand a’ plenty.

He saw the sign for the town
as his horse sniffed the ground
so he headed that way
to get him some hay.

He looked around for signs of the livery stable
this stranger who was a living fable
The gunslinger who had shot and killed a circus clown
and did it while the poor snook’s pants were down.

The town appeared deserted as he rode along
not even in the saloon was there wine or song
where was everyone?
wondered this son of a gun.

Everyone was hiding behind closed doors
lying down crouched to their floors
for if this man could easily kill a circus performer
then he could easily kill you, Gramps and Uncle Homer.

There was only one man out on the streets
Wild Bill Hickok eating some sweets
Now Wild Bill had been particularly fond of this clown
he gave candied apples to the kids in this town.

As the stranger approached him, Wild Bill said,
“You be the fellow who shot the clown dead?”.
“Why?” The stranger spit into the wind, “is there a price on my head?”.
Wild Bill emptied his gun and filled him full of lead.

They buried the stranger on the outskirts of town
his epitaph read, He made death of a clown.

-A narrative poem
written by Christopher
Saturday June 21st

Permalink 2 Comments