UK Election 2019 Aftermath

December 13, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

UK Election 2019 Aftermath

The results of the UK General Election were in.

Out of 650 seats in the UK House of Commons, the Conservatives had won 365 (the same amount of days in a year), Labour had won 203 (the same amount of pickles that Jeremy Corbyn had in his jar of dill pickles and he himself was now in a pickle), the Scottish Nationalist Party had won 48 (the same amount of times that William Wallace had hit England’s King Edward I in the rear end with rocks fired from Wallace’s sling shot), the Liberal Democrats had won 11 (the hour the clock reads 1 hour before the stroke of midnight), the Democratic Ulster Party had won 8 (the number of days in a week in a song the Beatles had once sung about) and the other parties had seats adding up to 15 (Napoleon Bonaparte had met his Waterloo in the year 1815).

Liberal Democratic Party leader Jo Swinson had lost her own seat of East Dunbartonshire to a Scottish Nationalist.

British Transhumanist Party leader Renfield R. Renfield had won in his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds defeating his nearest opponent Conservative candidate (and former MP) Agathor Christie by a plurality of over 48,000 votes.

Renfield’s Tranhumanist Party colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana had likewise won in her constituency of Newbridge in Wales defeating her nearest opponent Labour candidate (and former MP) Magog Rhys Petley by a plurality of 6000 votes.

Both Agathor and Magog had returned to London today to re-open their private eyes’ agency they had now renamed the Double Losers Private Detective Agency.

. . .

Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis had received a congratulatory email sent to him today by the pastor of a Bible Presbyterian Church in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

The Northern Ireland Presbyterian pastor was congratulating Pope Francis for a remark he had made at yesterday’s Mass commemorating the Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

During the Mass, Pope Francis said it would be “foolishness” for the Roman Catholic Church to bestow on the Virgin Mary the title “Co-Redemptrix”.

Cerberus down in Hades was anxious to get the late Rev. Ian Paisley’s take on the congratulatory email sent to Pope Francis.

Rev. Paisley was currently roasting away on a rotating rotisserie spit in Purgatory.

A bunch of demons had told Hades the god of the Underworld that it would probably be more of a punishment for Rev. Paisley if he roasted away in Purgatory (a place and a doctrine that he didn’t believe in) than if he roasted away in Tartarus aka Hell (a place and a doctrine he did believe in).

Rev. Paisley was too busy screaming to take the time to answer Cerberus’ question.

. . .

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was in the kitchen at 10 Downing Street helping himself to milk and cookies after a long and busy day of triumph.

He was wearing a night robe that was covered in the slogan LET’S GET BREXIT DONE.

There was a knock at the door of 10 Downing.

Johnson opened it.

It was German Chancellor Angela Merkel standing there with a tape recorder and a cue card reading SAY IT’S CAROLLERS.

“It’s carollers,” Johnson addressed his dog and his teddy bear who were standing on the carpet behind him.

Angela Merkel then held a series of cue cards saying how much she loved him and how much Germany loved Britain and wouldn’t he re-consider saying no to the Brexit divorce.

Afterwards, Johnson tossed his cookies down the toilet bowl.

. . .

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was startled to see the Scottish vampiress Wilhelmina Wallace (1st cousin to Scottish independence hero William Wallace) standing in his bedroom.

Wilhelmina Wallace had been turned into a vampiress by an evil Knights-Templar vampire back in the early 1300s.

Wilhelmina Wallace had first visited Set after the September 18th 2014 referendum on Scottish independence which the pro-independence side had lost.

Wilhelmina Wallace had correctly blamed Set for the YES side’s defeat.

She had beaten the merde out of Set on that occasion.

Now she warned Set not to interfere in any future Scottish independence referendums.

Set said okay.

Even Nefertiti Galore the Set Estate’s usually fierce guard and watch cat got out of Wilhelmina Wallace’s way when she left.

No one not even Egyptian deity vampire or martial arts cat dared interfere with a member of the Scots clan Wallace.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Friday December 13th
2019.

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