Shakespearian Commentary On Contemporary Social Media
Enter a servant into the study of Lord Falconcrest.
Lord Falconcrest (moaning): Oh, woe is me. Woe is me.
Servant: What is it, my lord?
Lord Falconcrest: It has hit me with the full fury of an idiot that I accidentally sent a text message to my girlfriend last night instead of the woman I had slept with a couple of hours earlier. The message was meant for the eyes of the woman I had a chance but very pleasant encounter with.
Servant: A grave matter indeed, my lord. Especially if it results in your sudden demise.
Lord Falconcrest: Let me checketh out her Facebook page.
(Falconcrest pulls out his smart phone and checks it)
Lord Falconcrest: Oh, woe is me. Woe is me.
Servant: My Lord?
Lord Falconcrest: She hath changeth her status from being “In a relationship” to being “Single”. And I have been removed from her Friends list.
Servant: It is a surprise that she hath not blocked thee, my lord.
Lord Falconcrest: She no doubt wanteth me to see all the comments on her timeline from would-be suitors who want to move into the territory from which I have been so unceremoniously cast aside.
Servant: If thou hast not grabbed another pussy before the blast of the last Trump of the evening before Joe Biden falleth down the stairs, thou wouldst not be in this predicament.
Lord Falconcrest: Thou hast spoken wisely, noble Mercutio.
Servant: It is as my old grandmother used to say on occasion- ‘Tis sometimes best to keep thy pecker in thy pants.”
Lord Falconcrest: Oh, wouldy I had heard of thy grandmother’s sage advice before the cock crowed last night.
-A Shakespearian style dialogue
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 2nd
2021.
Reblog of Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth
A vampire novel chapter and blog post I wrote 4 years ago today.
Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth
It was March 1945.
And talented director and actor of stage, radio and film the great Orson Welles was directing a short scene from William Shakespeare’s MacBeth for an upcoming charity event.
Welles (in front of the stage): All right. Enter the three witches.
(Thunder and lightning. Enter three witches)
First Witch (lowering “her” cowl to reveal the face of Adolf Hitler- a fact which startles Orson Welles):
When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?
Second Witch (lowering her “cowl” to reveal the face of Josef Stalin- a fact which also startles Orson Welles):
When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won.
Third Witch (lowers its cowl to reveal a face wearing a mask. It speaks in a very metallic sounding voice):
That will be ere the set of sun.
(On the wall at the…
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Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-un Day Speech To U.S. Troops
Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-Un Day Speech To U.S. Troops
(with apologies to Will Shakespeare and Henry V over the Saint Crispin’s Day speech)
Donald Trump, preparing for war with North Korea, is set to address the troops.
He is informed by the ghost of the late U.S. Army General William Westmoreland that all transgendered enlisted have now left the U.S. Army.
Donald Trump gazing at what’s left says, “We happy few…”
Trump (beginning speech):
What’s he that twitters so?
My heroes don’t die Westmoreland? No, my late General
If we are marked to fry, we are enow
To do our country loss, and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour (if we ignore the lying news media)
My will, I pray me, wish not one man more
By Trump, I am not covetous for gold (for I have plenty already),
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost (whatever the Hell that’s supposed to mean
I’ll have to fire my latest speechwriter or Chief of Staff or press secretary),
It yearns me not if men my garments wear (for I am not transgendered- real men
can wear my garments),
Such outward things dwell not in my desires
(save to grab a fair woman’s ass as I said long years ago),
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive
(wow, this Bill Shakespeare was really prophetic
concerning my Presidency).
No faith my coz (save to attract Bible belt voters), wish not a man from England
(since my campaign slogan was America First!).
Trump’s pence! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more (my VP) methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have (finishing my term without impeachment)
O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through thy ghost,
That he which hath no stomach for this fight,
Let him depart (or be deported); his passport shall be made (and then revoked!),
And crowns for convoy put into his purse (when he is thrown beyon’ yonder wall);
(At this point the amateur actor Snout from the Midsummer Night’s Theatre Company appears in front of Trump dressed as a brick wall. He has graffiti on his brick wall garment that says Gringoland or Bust!)
Snout (as Wall);
In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall;
And such a wall, as I would have you think,…
Trump (pointing): Someone get this idiot out of here! Security! Security! Throw the bum out!
(Snout is grabbed by security and hauled away)
Trump (continues his speech quite literally ghostwritten by William Shakespeare):
We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called Fry Kim Jong-un Day
(how Saint Hannibal of Lecter celebrated pre-Vatican II teaching on Friday’s culinary diets)
He that shall live this day (shall feel he’s been microwaved) and comes peeling away home
Shall watch his toes fall off when this day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Kim Jong-un.
He that shall live this day (singing Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive) and welcome the New Age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast on his neighbours (or at least their remains),
And say ‘Tomorrow is Fry Kim Jong-un.’
Then will he strip his sleeve (with his new metallic cyborg hands) and show his scars,
And say, ‘These wounds I had on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.’
Old men forget (sometimes that they’re wearing a toupee); yet all shall be forgot
But he’ll remember, with cancerous sores,
What feets he lost that day. Then shall our names
Familiar in his mouth as decaying teeth-
Donald The Trump, Mattis and Tillerson,
McMaster and Kelly, Ivanka and Jared,
Be in their flowing cups (and streams of blood red) freshly rememb’ red.
This story shall the good man teach his son (Barron, where are you?);
And Fry Kim Jong-un shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world (Trump looks at his watch) “Possibly another hour”,
But we in it shall be remembered (if the lying news media says I’m senile, it’s fake news) –
We few, we happy (but not gay) few, we band of brothers,
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother, be he ne’er so vile (as to be transgendered),
This day shall toughen his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves lucky they were not here,
And hold their (TV) remotes cheap while none will speak
As they watch on the screen the mushroom cloud that fell on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.
-A Shakespearean satirical speech
written by Christopher
Saturday August 12th
2017.
Julius Caesar On The Ides of March: A Poem
Julius Caesar ventured out on the Ides of March
only to discover his toga was loaded with starch
Calpurnia had overdone herself
with premonitions off the shelf
from a soothsayer warning
to dreams before morning
The Ides of March for Caesar did not bare well
but Caesar told them all to go to Hell
or the equivalent Latin expression
but Cassius suffered not indigestion
with his lean and hungry look
from underneath toga a knife he took
and Brutus did deliver the final blow
Caesar’s toga was bloodied from head to toe
at the feet of Pompey’s statue Caesar fell
and his blood flowed like water from gushing well.
Great Caesar had fallen and could not get up
Blood and betrayal was in his final cup
it was a cup he was forced to drink
for from Ides of March he would not shrink
He had gone forth steadfast
to a moment to be his last
Sometimes it’s wise to listen to one’s wife
One could then live an extended life.
-A poem written by Christopher
March 15th 2017
The Ides of March
Calpurnia warned her husband Julius not to go out on the Ides of March
Donald Trump: The Shakespearian Tragi-Comedy
Donald Trump (surveying the land); It is an ill wind that blows from yonder lying corrupt media…
(The wind coming through the oval office window blows the Donald’s hair off)
Trump (picking up his hair and looking at it): Alas! Poor Yorick! I knew him well, Horatio.
Mike Pence: The name is Michael, Mr. President.
Trump: Pence or Flynn?
Mike Pence: Pence.
Trump: That’s good. I thought I fired Flynn.
Mike Pence: He has suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Mr. President.
Trump: Yes, but the fault lies not in the stars but in ourselves.
Mike Pence: Look on yonder screen. What evil potion has been thrown at Kim Jung-nam.
Trump: What a towel. What a poison. What a woman. Come, let me clutch thee.
(Trump picks a pussy cat up off the office floor)
Mike Pence: Many a tragedy has befallen the nation of Malaysia these past 3 years.
Trump: Such ill fortune has fallen on that country. Just as good fortune and fair sun now shine on ours. Still, when in Malaysia, do as the North Koreans do.
Mike Pence: Do you still intend to build the wall, Mr. President?
Trump: I do. Even now through this very door comes a man to talk about the wall.
Snout (from A Midsummer Night’s Dream enters Oval Office and bows) :
In this same interlude it doth befall
that I one Snout by name present a wall
and such a wall as I would have you think
that had in it a crannied hole or chink
Through which the lovers Pyramus and Thisbe
Did whisper often very secretly…
Trump: Get out, fool.
(Snout flees Oval Office as does Trump’s reflection from the mirror)
Trump: Oh wherefore art thou, John Wayne?
A horse. A horse. My kingdom for a horse.
(A Dalmatian dog enters the room, lifts his leg and pees on the Donald)
Trump: Out, out, damned Spot.
(Curtain falls on an Oval Office in chaos or so say the Fake News media)
-A neo-Shakespearian tale
written by Christopher
Monday February 20th
2017.
Haiku About Saint Crispin’s and Saint Crispinian’s Day and The Battle of Agincourt
Haiku About Saint Crispin’s and Saint Crispinian’s Day and The Battle of Agincourt
Henry V led them
Inspires with stirring speech
this blest happy few
Haiku On The 400th Anniversary of Shakespeare’s Death
Haiku On The 400th Anniversary of Shakespeare’s Death
Save in this man’s case
the good he did still lives on
not interred with bones
Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth
Orson Welles and The Unusual Production of MacBeth
It was March 1945.
And talented director and actor of stage, radio and film the great Orson Welles was directing a short scene from William Shakespeare’s MacBeth for an upcoming charity event.
Welles (in front of the stage): All right. Enter the three witches.
(Thunder and lightning. Enter three witches)
First Witch (lowering “her” cowl to reveal the face of Adolf Hitler- a fact which startles Orson Welles):
When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?
Second Witch (lowering her “cowl” to reveal the face of Josef Stalin- a fact which also startles Orson Welles):
When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won.
Third Witch (lowers its cowl to reveal a face wearing a mask. It speaks in a very metallic sounding voice):
That will be ere the set of sun.
(On the wall at the back of the stage are flashed images of a solar eclipse followed by a blood red moon)
First Witch (Hitler): Where the place?
Second Witch (Stalin): Upon the heath.
(A strange multicoloured spiral image is then projected on to the screen behind the stage. Orson Welles does not recognize the image on this day in March 1945 but later generations would have recognized the spiral as the double helix of DNA)
Third Witch (with mask and metallic sounding voice): There to meet with MacBeth.
(The image of a face is then projected on to the screen behind the stage)
Orson Welles (waking up in bed with a start): Great heavens!
Rita Hayworth (next to him): What is it?
Orson Welles: I just had the most terrifying dream.
Rita Hayworth: What was it?
Orson Welles (scratching his head): I can’t remember… it’s receding from my memory… but…
Rita Hayworth: But what?
Orson Welles: I have seen the future… and it’s a nightmare.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 31st
2015.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Saint George’s Day and Extremely Curious George
April 23, 2021 at 10:18 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Brian Boru, Climate Summit, Extremely Curious George, Renfield R. Renfield, Saint George, Set Enterprises Laboratories, Stegosaurus, The Earth Day Climate Change Virtual Summit of Joe Biden, Underworld Controlled Pontiff, William Shakespeare, Xi Jinping, Xi Jinping's Supernatural Entity Spirit Advisor The Black Dragon)
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Friday night podcast.
First he was covering history:
“It was on this day April 23rd:
-in 303 AD that Saint George died
-in 1014 that Brian Boru the High King of Ireland died after having just defeated the Vikings in battle at the Battle of Clontarf (it also happened to be Good Friday that year)
-in 1616 that William Shakespeare died (he had also been born on the same date back in 1564).”
. . .
Renfield then examined current news stories:
“Yesterday April 22nd was Earth Day and thus senile old fool Joe Biden held a Virtual Climate Summit via internet video conferencing to mark the occasion.
Among the many speakers at the summit were the UN’s Communist Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, billionaire and failed 2020 U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg, famed eugenicist and population control advocate Bill Gates, Communist China’s paramount leader and Wuhan Institute of Virology CCP Virus super super super superspreader Xi Jinping, and of course the most boring, most heretical and most apostate pontiff in recent memory Pope Francis.
The Pope concluded his message “in commemoration of Earth Day when this destruction of nature will hopefully end.”
The Pope (nor did any other speaker at the summit) did not mention the fact that the co-founder of Earth Day in 1970 Mr. Ira Samuel Einhorn later murdered and attempted to compost his girlfriend.”
. . .
Meanwhile Set Enterprises’ genetically created stegosaurus named Extremely Curious George managed to use this evening of Saint George’s Day to escape from Set Enterprises’ Laboratories.
Extremely Curious George had been cloned by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher using stegosaurus blood that was found in a perfectly preserved prehistoric mosquito found in amber.
Henry to Heloise: “All this talk of extinction of species and here’s a stegosaurus raiding our refrigerator.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 23rd
2021
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