Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka, Kraken Tutsokiua and Mother Goddess Gaia

January 26, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka stood on the shores of Upper Waterton Lake in Waterton Lakes National Park in southern Alberta on the Alberta-Montana Canada-U.S. border.

Accompanied by her two spirit wolf protectors, she held in her hand a transparent glowing red apple.

As she held the strange looking fruit in her hands, she spoke to the West Wind (who could not be seen but whose presence could be felt), “The kraken Tutsokiua (Tutsokiua is the Blackfoot First Nations word for “devil” -Editor’s note) has awakened from its sleep at the bottom of this lake where it has slept for the past 5000 years.”

The West Wind stopped in its tracks.

“And it has been giving these supposed apples of knowledge to various people,” Tanaka spoke in a whisper.

The West Wind let out a wild howl to which the immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka’s two spirit wolf protectors raised their ears but did not answer in reply.

. . .

A group of wealthy and powerful influential U.S. Republican party figures were out hunting deer on this particular day.

Hunting deer out of season.

As one Republican fired at a doe and her fawn, at the very same instant the spirit of the Mycenaean king Agamemnon let out an anguished cry while roasting on his spit down in Tartarus.

The group of Republicans moved in for a closer look.

To see if the doe had been slain.

As they moved in, they saw the one-eyed Germanic god Wotan standing there.

From a distance, the Celtic horned god Cernunnos (part human and part stag) fired at them with his crossbow.

“Shit,” Wotan cried as he fell backwards with the arrow stuck in his one good eye.

. . .

The Greek god Zeus was in the office of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

On speaker phone for the meeting were Russian President Vladimir Putin, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani and Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

“By the way,” Zeus spoke in the manner of general chit chat, “did you know that the mother goddess Gaia who is the caretaker of earth is in fact not Greek but Lakota Sioux?”.

Gaia is Lakota Sioux.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
January 26th 2019.

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The Cat Who Ate Wolves For Breakfast (Plus Lunch and Supper)

April 20, 2017 at 5:03 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Russian Spetsnaz special forces who had parachuted into Kiev last Thursday under the command of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith were werewolves.

They were a special type of werewolf.

Each soldier was a bodark werewolf.

A bodark is a person who wants to become a werewolf in Russia (as opposed to a a wawkalak who was just turned into a werewolf through the evil actions of the Devil).

To become a bodark, a person would run into a forest and stab a copper knife into a tree (while such an action might be pleasing to manufacturers of copper knives as well as those with huge investments in the copper industry, the undertaking doesn’t go over so well with Greenpeace and tree huggers everywhere).

While still holding on to the knife in the innocently stabbed tree, the would-be bodark is required to repeat this chant:

“On the sea, on the ocean, on the island, on Bujan,
On the empty pasture gleams the moon, on an ashstock lying
In a green wood, in a gloomy vale.
Toward the stock wandereth a shaggy wolf.
Horned cattle seeking for his sharp white fangs;
But the wolf enters not the forest,
But the wolf dives not into the shadowy vale,
Moon, moon, gold-horned moon,
Cheek the flight of bullets, blunt the hunters’ knives,
Break the shepherds’ cudgels,
Cast wild fear upon all cattle,
On men, on all creeping things,
That they may not catch the grey wolf,
That they may not rend his warm skin
My word is binding, more binding than sleep,
More binding than the promise of a hero!”

Once the tree has been stabbed and the incantation chanted (with Taylor Swift singing “Boys only want love if it’s torture” in the background), the person runs off into a forest and changes into a werewolf as he does so.

Once these Russian Spetsnaz special forces soldiers had become full-fledged grey wolf bodark werewolves, Vladimir Putin put these men under the command of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in a secret treaty he signed with her shortly after his 2014 annexation of Crimea.

Lilith’s Bodark Grey Wolf Squadron did not turn into werewolves during a full moon.

Instead they turned into werewolves after listening to an old Gramophone recording of Josef Stalin singing the Soviet National Anthem in concert with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (under a never revealed protocol of the Tehran Conference that was held from November 28th to December 1st 1943, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir were secretly flown to Moscow on December 26th 1943 (thereby missing out on Utah Boxing Day sales) to make the recording in musical choral accompaniment with Josef Stalin.

As Lilith played the recording turning the Russian Spetsnaz special forces commandos into grey wolf bodark werewolves, another grey wolf was walking the streets of Kiev.

The grey wolf was none other than the ancient Germanic god Wotan’s mortal son Adolf Hitler.

He had been granted permission to leave the Underworld by Hades and Persephone after Thor paid a visit on Odin/Wotan’s behalf requesting that they do so.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf stopped in its tracks when it heard the voice of Josef Stalin singing the Soviet National Anthem.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf visualized the Hungarian actor Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula saying, “Listen to him, the constipated dictator of the night. What a racket he makes.”

When the Gramophone finished playing and the commandos became grey wolf bodark werewolves, they were immediately attacked and eaten by a giant black cat.

The name of the giant black cat was Amorous Laetitia (whose name had inspired the title of a recent papal document although the first name was spelled differently in the Apostolic Exhortation).

Amorous Laetitia was the name of the personal pet cat and familiar of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Hecate had recently been beheaded by Pan Goatee’s astrally projected laser machete while she was in her crone form.

The head had been taken to a New York City cryogenics lab but the lab had been broken into by Loki and Fenrir and Fenrir had eaten the head.

Since then, Amorous Laetitia had torn apart every wolf she had come across in hopes she’d find her mistress’ head.

When she didn’t find it, she just ate the rest of the disemboweled wolf,

After seeing the black cat Amorous Laetitia eat the Spetsnaz bodarks, the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf ran down an alley and entered a building for safety.

The building turned out to be Brodsky Synagogue which was Kiev’s largest.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf could not help but think that the gods of the universe were playing some sort of cosmic joke on him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 20th
2017.

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Just Another Maundy Thursday?

April 13, 2017 at 4:31 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Emanon was in the Set Enterprises lab with Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

Amadeus was checking the computer that kept track of all Michelangelo’s psychic predictions for the past 30 days just in case the manual scribe who wrote down all of Michelangelo’s psychic predictions as they happen just happen to miss one.

The manual scribe that wrote down Michelangelo’s predictions was the cyborg robotic operated missing right hand of the Venus de Milo. The missing right arm was discovered by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s personal archaeologist Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury on November 28th 1960 at a remote location on the island of Greenland which is quite the distance from the Greek island of Milos where the original famous armless statue of the Greek goddess Aphrodite (now in the Louvre) was first discovered back on April 8th 1820. Dr. Cadbury Rocher (in violation of the laws regarding internationally important antiquities) drilled a hole inside the marble arm and inserted an electronic wire that operated on a wi-fi system and caused the arm to move and write on a piece of paper whenever Michelangelo had a psychic revelation out of the blue when no one was present.

Usually this was Renfield’s job to take down what the missing right arm of the Venus de Milo might have missed but Renfield R. Renfield was currently in Venezuela in the planning stages of a coup to overthrow the government of Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

Amadeus was checking a prediction that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had made back on April 1st of this year.

The prediction said, “World War III would break out on Good Friday 2017.”

Good Friday 2017?

That was tomorrow.

Amadeus looked at the calendar.

Amadeus wondered.

Was this prediction genuine or accurate?

Or was it an April Fool’s joke?

In the background, the song Only Time sung by the Irish singer Enya played on the radio.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was sampling the best of British Columbia grass (as opposed to the California grass that the Beatles had once sang about) and checking his email as he smoked it.

He noticed he got an email from Gali-Gula the ET gray from the planet Nibiru (whose ET gray body was inhabited by the ghost of the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula).

The email read,

“Hello Justy old boy,

How’s it going? You’ll be delighted to hear that I’m one of 12 individuals selected to get his feet washed by Pope Francis at tonight’s Maundy Thursday papal washing of the feet ceremony.

I wound up in a Rome jail because I parked my spaceship in a No Parking zone outside the Colosseum and I tried to bribe the corrupt City of Rome policeman out of a ticket with Italian lira forgetting that the current currency of Italy is now the Euro.

Anyways look for me getting my feet washed by the Pope on the news tonight. I’ll be the one who’s rather short, gray in colour and not wearing any clothes.

Affectionately yours,

Your far out Extraterrestrial friend,
Gali-Gula.

. . .

The NATO General Wolfgang Vulkan (who was the Norse god Odin (aka the old German god Wotan) in disguise) stood in the middle of Maidan Square in Kiev.

He noticed Russian Spetsnaz special forces dropping from the skies over Kiev.

What were they doing?

He noticed that the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith standing in a white evening dress in the middle of the square appeared to be leading them.

Thor stood there with his hammer.

“Why is Lilith leading these Spetsnaz?” He asked Wotan.

“I’m not sure,” Wotan shook his head sadly, “if my mortal son was here, he could ask her. My mortal son was once allies and friends with her.”

“You have a mortal son?” Thor was shocked.

“I must confess that I once acted like the Greek god Zeus and seduced a mortal woman,” Wotan shook his head in shame, “it was the late summer of 1888. My mortal son was born 9 months later in April 1889.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone of this?” Thor inquired.

“If he had conquered the world like he said he was going to do, I would have, I’d have been a proud papa,” Wotan’s one-eye wept tears, “but he didn’t conquer the world. He never made it to Valhalla on his death. The Valkyries could not enter Berlin on the day he died April 30th 1945 because they came under attack by Soviet forces when they tried.”

“So where is he?” Thor asked.

“Some wise guy put a gold coin in my son’s mouth when he died and he ended up in the Greek underworld of Hades after Charon rowed him across the River Styx,” Wotan answered, “perhaps you could go to Hades and Persephone and ask that my son’s ghost be allowed to come here to speak to Lilith.”

Thor looked in the direction of Lilith and noticed the wolf Fenrir standing next to her.

“I’ll go,” said Thor, “what is your mortal son’s name?”.

Wotan replied, “Adolf Hitler.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 13th
2017.

The Wild Hunt 1889 by Franz von Stuck
An Adolf Hitler looking Germanic god Wotan in the 1889 painting The Wild Hunt by Franz von Stuck

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Blood Red Moon Passover

April 14, 2014 at 7:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Blood Red Moon Passover

As the high-ranking American diplomat prepared to enter NATO Headquarters in Brussels Belgium for discussions on the ongoing military escalation of the crisis in Ukraine, he started to wonder why the symbol for NATO also contained the acronym in reverse OTAN.

He suddenly noticed a figure entering NATO Headquarters.

The figure, he thought to himself, closely resembled artistic depictions he had seen of the Norse god Odin.

Or as he was called in the Old High German tongue Wotan.

. . .

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was howling and barking all over the streets of Moscow having turned into a werewolf with the presence of the full moon in the night sky.

But as the moon was eclipsed in tonight’s lunar eclipse, he turned back into human form.

As he did, he was attacked by a strikingly beautiful long- haired brunette woman wearing a very tight skirted gold mini- dress and black silk fishnet nylons and literally glowing blood red spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

The woman was Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva an agent of the FSB.

As she bit his neck and drained and sucked a little blood, the Greek vampire Ares (who was worshipped as Mars the god of war by the ancient Romans) walked by.

As the Red Planet Mars rose above the blood red moon in the Moscow night sky, Ares remarked sadly in a loud voice, “I have the feeling that my girl friend Aphrodite is cheating on me and making love to somebody else and it isn’t her husband Hephaestus.”

“It’s Wotan the chief god of the Germanic pantheon she’s making love to,” Svetlana called out after him as blood dripped down from her fangs.

. . .

The lunar eclipse was not visible in the Jerusalem night sky as the Controller of the Golem walked back home from his synagogue where he had been attending Passover services.

However as he looked at the night sky, he thought he could see a huge serpent like figure rising above the Temple Mount.

It gave a whole new meaning and a rather eerie one at that to that ageless question that’s asked at every Passover, “Why is this night different from all other nights?”.

. . .

The Royal Canadian Navy ship Sir John A. MacDonald was sailing in the North Atlantic.

As the captain peered through his binoculars, he thought he could see a huge passenger ship appearing on the horizon.

That was strange.

He looked at his watch.

It was 11:40 PM April 14th 2014.

There weren’t supposed to be any passenger ships in this area at this time.

Stranger still, the passenger ship seemed to be a giant colossal steamship.

The captain thought the age of huge passenger steamships was surely past.

As the ship seemed to edge closer towards his own vessel, he again peered through his binoculars so he could see the name of the ship.

What the – ?

The name said, R. M. S. Titanic.

The ship that had struck an iceberg at 11:40 PM ship’s time the evening of April 14th 1912.

And had finally sunk beneath the waves of the North Atlantic at 2:20
AM the early morning of April 15th 1912.

. . .

The radio was on in the Park Avenue apartment of the New York City billionaire who had recently hired contract assassin and serial killer Pan Goatee.

Although no one was in the room.

The body of the parrot Caesar still lay dead on the floor of his bird cage after he had been shot and killed by the New York City billionaire a few days before.

So far the maid still hadn’t dropped by to bury Caesar not to praise it.

“Good evening New York,” the voice on the radio said, “or perhaps I should say Good morning since it’s now 2:20 AM. Did you catch tonight’s lunar eclipse? I didn’t get a chance to get out of the broadcast booth. And speaking of broadcasts, this is my 102nd broadcast on this station.
And speaking of the number 102, it’s been 102 years since the Titanic sank…”

At that moment the huge globe of the world (with the grotesque face painted on it) that sat in front of the huge black curtain behind which the billionaire sat when he received visitors- crashed to the floor and shattered into over 7 billion tiny pieces.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 14th
2014.

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Sauerkraut 1, Greek Olives 0

November 4, 2011 at 8:36 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Welsh werewolf Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was back in London after spending a week in an Italian jail for running naked through Pope Benedict XVI’s Inter-Faith Prayer For Peace Conference back on the 27th of last Month.

The Italian judge refused to buy Rhys Petley’s claim that he had been temporarily possessed by the demon Moloch at the time.

The judge asked Rhys Petley, “How can you an atheistic Marxist believe in demons?”.

Magog Rhys Petley had no answer for him.

While taking a taxi through London, he noticed Renfield R. Renfield being released from jail.

Renfield had spent a night in the drunk tank for having sung a Katy Perry song outside Buckingham Palace.

“This world is getting curiouser and curiouser,” he remarked to himself in the back of the taxi.

* * *

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard said to himself, “This world is getting curiouser and curiouser.”

He had just received an email from the eccentric Interpol agent Peter Whitstable called by some “the Fox Mulder of Interpol” saying that the reason that Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou had scrapped his plans for a referendum on the proposed EU bail-out of Greece and the resulting austerity measures for the country was because the ancient Germanic vampire Wotan had just beaten the Greek vampire Zeus in a game of chess.

Zeus had protested that he lost the match because he was distracted by the short skirted Russian girl who was going around holding placards that announced each round of the chess match.

Such protests fell on Wotan’s deaf ears along with the contents of Zeus’ glass of Greek Ouzo which fell on Wotan’s blind eye.

To be continued.

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King Arthur and The Vampire Horus

April 20, 2011 at 7:29 pm (Horror, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

As Arthur walked back towards his tent, he noticed a small fire burning on a distant hill.

Curious, he decided to investigate.

He firmly grasped his sword Excalibur as he climbed the hill.

Arthur crouched behind a tree as he gazed at the fire.

He recognized the being standing there from illustrations he had seen in a book in Merlin’s library.

It was the Egyptian vampire Horus who had been resurrected from the dead by the sorceress Morgana.

Arthur stepped forward into the moonlight and the fire’s glow.

“Mortal,” the Vampire Horus spat at the King of the Britons with contempt, “do you not know who I am?”.

“Thou art Horus,” Arthur withdrew his sword from his sheath.

“A sword?” Horus laughed uproariously, “It will take more than a mere sword to kill me.”

“THIS is no mere sword,” Arthur pressed his sword against the vampire’s heart, “THIS is Excalibur!”.

He drove the sword into the vampire’s heart.

Horus screamed and then collapsed into dust.

Arthur walked on to the direction of another tent.

He walked into the tent.

There on the floor of the tent was the beautiful and enchanting Morgana.

Arthur looked down.

He had loved this woman once. In fact, he had had a child with her.

Mordred.

Unknown to Arthur, Morgana had had another child of Arthur’s. A girl. One she had sent to Ireland for safekeeping.

Arthur knew what he must do.

He raised his sword and cut off the lovely head of the exquisite raven haired beauty.

Then he kissed the head and sadly walked back to his camp.

* * *

The Vampiress Isis shrieked when she saw her son Horus once again reduced to dust.

Hurriedly she gathered up the dust in an urn and ran to Morgana’s tent so that the powerful sorceress could resurrect him once again.

She shrieked when she saw Morgana dead. Her beautiful head turning the floor of the tent a lovely crimson red.

“Arthur has done this,” Isis screamed.

* * *

Isis turned into a bat and flew into Arthur’s tent.

When inside, she removed his sword Excalibur and took it with her into the night where she hid it in a forest.

“Let us see how Arthur performs in battle tomorrow without his Excalibur,” Isis laughed.

Arthur did not perform so well.

He did manage to fatally wound Mordred.

But alas, Mordred managed to fatally wound Arthur as well.

* * *

April 20th, 1889.

The day was chilly and overcast in the Austrian town of Braunau am Inn.

On this day, a baby boy was born to Klara the wife of Alois.

The baby was born on Holy Saturday the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

Outside the house, the spirit of the dead vampire Horus walked the Earth.

He felt drawn to this location for some reason.

How Horus wished he had a body.

Horus’ ghost looked and there stood the Norse vampire Odin (very recognizable by his one eye) known to the Germans as Wotan outside the same house.

Curious, Horus thought.

All sorts of creatures of the night and of the shadows and of the Underworld feel drawn to this location on this Holy Saturday night.

Holy Saturday.

The day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

Holy Saturday when Christ’s Body was in the bowels of the earth and His Soul was in Hades.

A Saturday that marked the Saturday when this world was without Christ’s presence- a child was born.

A child that would be named Adolf Hitler.

And Horus’ ghost and the Vampire Wotan had come to pay their respects.

* * *

To be continued.

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