Xi, Justin, Renfield and That Damned Dam

July 15, 2020 at 10:40 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading a Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit report on what was currently happening in the People’s Republic of China.

It appeared that the Xi Jinping regime in Beijing was deliberately releasing floodwater from the spillway on the Three Gorges Dam to flood the city of Wuhan and a few other cities.

There was of course heavy rainfall that was going on in the region and the Xi regime would naturally blame the flooding and subsequent deaths on the weather.

But it would appear that the majority of the flooding was in fact being caused by the deliberate releasing of floodwater on the dam’s spillway.

“What the Hell is Xi Jinping doing?” Renfield asked Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was in a nearby lobster tank.

Michelangelo shrugged his lobster claws.

He had been trying to psychically probe Xi Jinping’s evil genius mind but his efforts were being blocked by the sinister looking face of an evil Black Dragon spirit entity.

On the television set in the room that both MP and lobster were in, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on the screen said that he did not think that the Two Michaels (Two Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor who were arrested and detained in China in December 2018 shortly after Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was arrested at Vancouver International Airport by Canadian authorities at the request of the U.S. State Department) were in any grave danger as he sat and twiddled his thumbs while Canada’s slow moving justice system heard the extradition case involving Meng which would probably involve years of appeals and eventually wind up in the Supreme Court of Canada while the Two Michaels would spend their time enjoying the hospitality to be found in a Communist Chinese prison.

Justin had spent much of his first term in office as Prime Minister interfering with Canada’s judicial system in an effort to save a corrupt Quebec construction firm from criminal prosecution.

Now the inept failed former High School Drama teacher (best known for putting on blackface) said, “It is unCanadian to interfere with the independence of our judicial system. So I will not trade Meng for the two Michaels.”

“Idiot,” Renfield thought and then the news showed a brief news story and film footage about an entire Chinese family being swept way in the floods that hit their city.

Like Stalin’s enforced famine on Ukrainian farmers in the years 1932-33, the floods hitting China in this early summer of 2020 was a man-made phenomenon (caused by deliberately releasing floodwater on the Three Gorges dam’s spillway).

Xi’s ass was being helped by heavy natural rainfall in the region and so the world wouldn’t raise a heap of protect.

Because, Renfield noted, the world was being distracted by the bioweapon virus that had accidentally been released by the Wuhan Institute of Virology.

That is, Renfield thought, if it was an accident.

With a homicidal maniac like Xi on the world stage, one could never be sure.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 15th
2020.

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Marxist Puppets On Strings

June 30, 2020 at 10:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee exited the grocery store where a very unusual version of an old Elvis Presley song was playing above the store aisles,

“Are you Marxist tonight?
Are you sorry you read Das Kapital?….”

While exiting the store, the genetically created satyr serial killer encountered a fat ugly blimp with a butch haircut and a streak of a very ugly looking shade of blue in her hair.

“Why don’t you wear a paper bag over your head when you go out in public, you ugly looking bull dyke freak?” Goatee commented as he lopped off her head with his astral laser machete.

“Hey, you shouldn’t call people bull dyke freaks,” snivelled a man who could have easily passed for being a member of Pope Francis’ curia if he lived at the Vatican or a hairdresser if he lived in Beverly Hills California, “especially during Pride week when we’ve got the Marxist-Leninist New Age Maitreyan occultic inverted rainbow displayed all over the place?”.

“Why don’t you turn into a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife did?” Goatee calmly answered as he lopped off the whiner’s head.

The whiner’s head exploded in a massive burst of salt (with a dash of pepper) as it hit the ground.

Meanwhile over in Beijing, Xi Jinping was playing with some controls that managed the electric invisible puppet strings that controlled Xi’s puppet Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus the Ethiopian Communist who had headed the World Health Organization since 2017.

“The Covid-19 virus is still here, the Covid-19 virus is still here,” Dr. Tedros shouted in a fit of apoplexy as he rode a toy horse coloured pale green.

“Good news on the Hong Kong front,” the supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon who was Xi’s spirit guide advisor smiled, “the Hong Kong Security Law is now law in Hong Kong. We can now start throwing people in jail by the millions.”

“That’s great,” Xi beamed like a beatific Buddha if Buddha had been possessed by a demon, “no doubt Democatic Party governors and Mayors in America will continue to take notes from my actions as they round up Christians and other non-Marxists in the U.S.”.

“That is if the Neo-Marxist insurrectionists and Neo-Jacobin revolutionaries don’t guillotine them all first once they finish tearing down all the statues of the old America,” the Black Dragon laughed like Mount Vesuvius erupting over Pompeii in 79 AD.

“Exactly,” Xi got one of his drag queen roosters to lay a 1000-year-old egg.

“There’s good news on the Taiwan front as well,” the Black Dragon guffawed like Krakatoa erupting in 1883.

“Really?” Xi directed one of his guards to deliver the 1000-year-old egg to the Wuhan Institute of Virology for old times’ (i.e. December 2019) sake.

“Yes, in the supernatural realm angels who had been guarding the island of Taiwan on the orders of the Archangels Saint Michael and Saint Raphael have now withdrawn from Taiwan on their angelic commanders’ orders,” the Black Dragon cackled like Mount Pinatubo in 1991.

“Why?” Xi asked.

“Because Taiwan just held a huge Pride parade honouring the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet,” the Black Dragon started brushing his teeth with a Dyson powered vaccum cleaner.

“The Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci was certainly right when he theorized that honouring Baal and Baphomet practices and introducing them into a country’s wider culture can easily pave the way for the triumph of Communism everywhere,” Xi got his drag queen rooster to lay another 1000-year-old egg, “We can probably annex Taiwan by summer’s end this year.”

Meanwhile on the White House lawn in Washington DC, Dr. Anthony Fauci wearing a Chicken Little suit (given him as a gift by Xi Jinping) started clucking, “100,000 cases a day are coming. 100,000 cases a day are coming.”

America’s leading self-proclaimed expert on viruses was then struck by a virus that turned him into a garden gnome lawn ornament.

“Where did that stupid looking lawn ornament come from?” Donald Trump asked his British butler and valet Lexington as he gazed out from his Oval Office window.

“No idea, sir,” Lexington shook his head, “It wasn’t there this morning when Andrew Jackson’s statue was chasing Nancy Pelosi across the lawn with a 6 foot giant Cuban cigar in his mouth.”

“Strange,” Trump wondered where Jackson got the Cuban cigar.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 30th
2020.

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Renfield and Set Discuss The New Hong Kong Security Law

May 27, 2020 at 9:45 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield and Set Discuss The New Hong Kong Security Law

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set were discussing the Chinese National People’s Congress recently passed new Security Law for Hong Kong.

“So you continue to stand by your claims in your Yorkshire Television interview that this new National Security law will mean the end of Hong Kong’s autonomy and freedoms?” Set inquired as he ate more live crocodiles from a nearby tank dispelling long held rumours across many millennia that he was the father of the Egyptian crocodile god Sobek (he wasn’t).

“That is correct,” Renfield ate his roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

“And U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is now recommending that the U.S. Congress revoke Hong Kong’s special status as a favoured trading partner since the island will now effectively be under the control of the Beijing regime?” Set helped himself to a box of chocolates.

“He is,” Renfield sipped a brandy, “and as was to be expected, China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi and various Chinese diplomats around the world are now throwing hissy fits in the wake of Pompeo’s announcement. They’re running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off and it isn’t even the Year of the Rooster.”

Set bit into his coq au vin, “And Beijing continues to influence the World Health Organization and its policies and collection of data?”.

“It does,” Renfield nodded as he ate a Devil’s food cake, “To say nothing of friendly relations between Bill Gates and the People’s Republic of China.”

“And I take it the Chinese Ministry of State Security is continuing its persecution of the underground Chinese Catholic Church with Pope Francis’ blessing and whole hearted approval?” Set bit into his Argentinian empanadas.

“They are,” Renfield admitted, “Recently Francis told China’s underground Catholics to get with the program (which is worshipping Xi Jinping as China’s national god) because as we know Pope Francis in his idiotic Abu Dhabi Declaration of last year stupidly asserted that “God wills the diversity of all religions”.

“I’m sure my conceited brother Osiris and my equally conceited nephew Horus will wholeheartedly agree,” Set lit a pipe, “I myself have reached the conclusion years ago that being a god isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.”

Set started choking on his pipe smoke.

“They say that the Roman Emperor Vespasian’s last words on his death bed were “I fear I’m becoming a god”,” Renfield acknowleged.

“Maybe we should have Xi becoming a god permanently,” Set threw a thousand year old egg into a garbage can.

“You’re suggesting that we should bump Xi Jinping off?” Renfield opened up a can of a new brand of cola called Socrates’ Non-Hemlock Cola.

“I am,” Set added a pinch of salt to his glass of Dr. Pepper.

“I’ll put in a call to my friends the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu and the vampiress Ho Babylon Minh right away,” Renfield picked up his smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Wednesday May 27th
2020.

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Testing, Testing…

May 22, 2020 at 10:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Testing, Testing… 

Amadeus Emanon and British MP Renfield R. Renfield were having a conversation via Skype.

“What do you think of this new national security law that the Chinese Communist Party National People’s Congress has just passed for Hong Kong?” Amadeus asked his friend Renfield.

“It means the death of autonomy for Hong Kong and the end of the “one country, 2 systems idea”,” Renfield replied, “What freedoms Hong Kong previously held will now be crushed under Xi Jinping’s heels. No doubt Democratic Party politicians in the U.S. are busy taking notes. Their appropriately named House of Representatives bill H.R. 6666 that will allow for the establishment of so-called “entities” to do Covid-19 testing, tracking and contact tracing including entering people’s residences for that purpose no doubt is making the ghosts of Hitler’s old Gestapo and Stalin’s Soviet surveillance agencies green with envy.”

“What’s happening in Europe?” Amadeus inquired.

“Measures vary from country to country,” Renfield answered, “You have to wear masks in public in Germany, France is slowly re-opening its economy and Italy is doing the same.”

“How about Canada?” Amadeus poured maple syrup on his pancakes.

“Well Justin Trudeau, like the U.S. Dems, is wanting to establish a national testing, tracking and contact tracing service in the country,” Renfield sipped a brandy, “Laventriy Beria would feel quite at home in North America today.”

. . .

Dashwood Forrest owner of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London was bothered by the fact that in his 1860 Basil Hallward oil paintings of Dorian Gray and Dorian Gray’s teddy bear that he kept behind purple velvet curtains in a room in the gallery marked PRIVATE, both Dorian Gray and his teddy bear were now wearing face masks in the picture.

“Why are they wearing face masks in the picture?” Forrest asked.

“Have they tested positive for Covid-19?” Suggested Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie as one of his arms and his head fell off.

Earlier in the day, Mulligan the Irish zombie had borrowed Dashwood Forrest’s 1909 Thomas Flyabout antique motor car to go to a Covid-19 testing drive through facility.

Mulligan’s arrival had sent Covid-19 testers screaming out into the streets.

A piece of foreskin that Mulligan had left behind (he had decided to attend the drive through in the all together like his Australian hero Uncle Ernie had at a Sydney Covid testing drive through a week earlier) tested positive for Covid-19.

As a result, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was now reading a confidential report that hypothesized that a second wave of the Covid-19 virus might include a possible zombie apocalypse.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 22nd
2020.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of No More Xi

May 3, 2020 at 9:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of No More Xi

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a bubble bath and playing with his rubber ducky when suddenly he picked up a news bulletin from the future on his psychic lobster antennae.

BBC News Announcer: What we know so far is that Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping was killed in an attack on Xi’s palace by an American plane.
This is probably the most dangerous international geopolitical tinderbox since the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962.
Our London reporter Ernstwhile Humphreys is reporting on the British public’s reaction to the possibility of a nuclear World War III.
Ernstwhile, can you hear me?

Ernstwhile: Yes, I can, Terence.
Stores all across the United Kingdom are reporting the biggest run on toilet paper since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic.

The camera breaks away as masked spectators in the background start singing, “Rule Britannia. Britannia rules the rolls.”

BBC News Announcer: Thank you, Ernstwhile.
We’ve just received word from our BBC Beijing correspondent Babel Ling Brooks as to what led to this major geopolitical incident.

Babel Ling Brooks (looking resplendent in her scarlet red evening dress): Thank you, Terence.
Surprisingly what hawks in the Chinese Communist Party are calling a U.S. directed airplane assassination on Xi had actually started out as a peaceful diplomatic overture from Washington DC to Beijing.
In a special White House ceremony, Donald Trump had just named actor Harrison Ford (of Han Solo and Indiana Jones fame) as U.S. Goodwill Ambassador to China and had asked the septuagenarian actor to fly to China in his own private plane (which Ford always pilots himself) to Beijing to deliver a personal message of peace and goodwill to Xi.
According to my sources in Beijing Air Traffic Control, Ford, while piloting his plane, overshot the Beijing airport by an unbelievably large number of kilometres and ended up crashing into Xi’s palace right into the paramount leader’s bedroom where Xi was apparently paramounting one of his many female concubines.
Xi was killed instantly- his head being severed by one of the plane’s rotating propeller blades and ending up on a silver platter below an Italian Renaissance artist’s painting of Salome Doing The Dance of The Seven Veils that Xi had apparently been given as a gift from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.
The concubine has fortunately survived unharmed and is currently entertaining bids from both CNN and Fox News as to which U.S network she’ll grant an exclusive interview with first.”

The vision ended with the concubine holding a Siamese cat being invited to the White House by Donald Trump.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 3rd 
2020.

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Ethiopian Communist Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus: Beijing Regime’s “Useful Idiot” As Head of WHO

April 4, 2020 at 11:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Ethiopian Communist Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus: Beijing Regime’s “Useful Idiot” As Head of WHO

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading a dossier put together by the Set Enterprises Intelligence Gathering Unit (consisting of various secret agents including Set’s Executive Assistant Miranda Singh and the 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger in between his periodic episodes of throwing cream pies in the faces of various jack asses and airheads) on WHO’s head Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus.

Renfield read, “As Director-General of the World Health Organization, Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus is the highest ranking medical official in the world but he isn’t even a real medical doctor.
In fact, he’s the first person to lead the WHO without a medical degree.
Tedros is simply a Communist academic (he has a Ph.D not an MD) who has never cured a single patient in his entire life.
Tedros is actually a politician (a member of two Marxist parties in Ethiopia – the Tigrayan People’s Liberation Front and the Ethiopian People’s Revolutionary Democratic Front – who served as Ethiopia’s Minister of Health from 2005 to 2012 and Ethiopia’s Minister of Foreign Affairs from 2012 to 2016) who hired a public relations firm from the United States to help get him the lucrative top job at the WHO.
Mercury Public Affairs put together a snazzy presentation for him to present to the world body but when it came time for him to answer questions, he couldn’t answer any.
It was only through the intense backing and lobbying of the People’s Republic of China that Dr. Tedros was able to land himself the top job at WHO.
Dr. Tedros, being a Communist revolutionary who served in a government that killed its own people in the streets and who as Ethiopia’s Minister of Health covered up several cholera epidemics in his own country, was the sort of person who was right up the Chinese Communist state’s alley.
The Ethiopian capital’s newspaper the Addis Ababa Standard even published an editorial calling for the WHO not to appoint Dr. Tedros its Director-General.
But the WHO listened to Xi Jinping and not the Addis Ababa Standard.

Miranda had included in the dossier the following notation from Wikipedia, “As Minister of Health, Tedros was able to form close relationships with prominent figures including former American President Bill Clinton and the Clinton Foundation and Bill and Melinda Gates and the Gates Foundation.”

“Well,” Renfield noted, “That says right there what sort of person Tedros is. Hobnobbing with such globalist elitist scumbags as Bill Clinton and Bill and Melinda Gates.”

The dossier went on to note that Dr. Tedros took office as head of the WHO beginning on July 1st 2017 for a 5-year term of office.
Dr. Tedros’ first major decision upon taking office was to name Zimbabwe’s Marxist totalitarian dictator Robert Mugabe as WHO Goodwill Ambassador to the African Union on October 18th 2017.

“Well,” Renfield sipped a can of non-Corona beer, “that says right then and there what manner of sound mind and judgment this Dr. Tedros character is.”

Back on January 14th of this year, Dr. Tedros (under pressure from the Xi Jinping regime) had tweeted on WHO’s Twitter account that “there is no clear evidence of human-to-human transmission of the novel Coronavirus”.
Later he was forced to backtrack on January 23rd when too much evidence was emerging to the contrary.
And under continuing pressure from Communist China, Dr. Tedros refused to call the Coronavirus a pandemic until March 11th when by then 114 countries had already reported over 118,000 cases.

Harvey Tallbanger (who was currently working on one super doozy of a cream pie for Dr. Tedros) said how the world might have started better preparing and arranging for such things as PPEs if Dr. Tedros had declared a pandemic much sooner.

Noted Tallbanger, “Dr. Tedros has blood on his hands back from when his nation’s Communist government slaughtered people in the streets and now when the world’s most vulnerable cower in their homes due to the Coronavirus pandemic and suffocate to death at the hands of an inept bootlicker of the Chinese Communists.”

Renfield thought to himself, “Dr. Tedros should be taken in front of the International Criminal Court and tried and if found guilty he should be taken out and shot by firing squad.
Capital punishment is the way to go for offences such as this. For in these times, it doesn’t do the world a Hell of a lot of good to be a pablum puking liberal.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 4th
2020.

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Pan Goatee, Krampus and The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat

January 30, 2020 at 11:09 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, Krampus and The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat

The genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was at a nearby shopping centre.

He had just finished buying several cans of Diet Coca-Cola from the Dollar Store so he could feed his caffeine addiction.

Outside the dollar store, he noticed an ugly looking woman with her stupid looking boyfriend so he beheaded both of them and cut both of them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Rats soon arrived on the scene and ate the very recently departed pair.

A rodent patrol business operator arrived on the scene and remarked, “Business has never been as brisk as it has been the past week.”

Goatee entered the mall’s food court where another ugly looking woman and her stupid looking boyfriend were leaving the scene of their aesthetic and IQ insulting crimes against humanity.

The satyr quickly beheaded and dismembered them (likewise into 999 trillion pieces each) with his astral laser machete.

A Darth Vader wannabe and pen ultimate Star Wars science-fiction fan (who so far had spent the 1st 35 years of his life living downstairs in his parents’ basement and still didn’t know what a shower was used for) said to himself, “I want to get me one of those” as he looked through the window of the mall’s food court.

Rats likewise came over and ate the aesthetic and IQ challenged deceased couple’s multitudinous remains.

When Goatee went to the Subway sandwich counter, a stupid looking individual stood there at the counter and was taking forever to make up his mind (or whatever little there was of it) to decide what he wanted.

Goatee decided for the individual by beheading him and dismembering him according to the satyr’s OCD pre-ordained numerical ratio.

Goatee then decided to go and make his own sandwich at home.

Rats ate the remains of the mindless loser who had gone totally to pieces at the Subway sandwich counter and then rushed to the nearest washrooms where they tossed their cookies (metaphorically speaking).

On his way out from the mall, Goatee received a phone call from his friend the demon goat Krampus (who held joint Bavarian and Austro-Hungarian citizenship although it did him little good in this global interconnected world since both the kingdom of Bavaria and the Austro-Hungarian Empire no longer existed).

Krampus remarked that within the past 24 hours, he had just developed an allergy to the melody of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony whenever it was played.

Now, Krampus sighed, he would no longer be able to attend any events where the European Union National Anthem was played.

“What an awful week you’re having, my friend,” Goatee was sympathetic.

. . .

A giant robotic metal rat was being unveiled by Huawei Technologies for this year of the Metal Rat.

As China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping watched the Metal Rat appear, he wondered why it had the head of a demon buffalo.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 30th
2020

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Allatallahbel, Odin, Rudolphus, Loki and Apophis

December 30, 2019 at 11:15 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Allatallahbel, Odin, Rudolphus, Loki and Apophis

Odin sent his flying and fire-breathing reindeer Rudolphus to rescue Loki from the asteroid Apophis 99942 on which the Norse trickster god had found himself recently stranded.

This after an appeal to Odin from Loki’s daughter Hel the Norse goddess of the realm of the dead who are not warriors – a place also called Hel in the realm of Niflheim.

Rudolphus and Loki landed in Siberia to little or no fanfare though they weren’t really expecting any.

Putin, when informed of the incident, thought America might be testing new military hardware.

At the Vatican, Allatallahbel the vampiress priestess of Baal was preparing to seduce Samhain Cardinal Salaman namely because he was one of the few heterosexuals available in Pope Francis’ Vatican.

In Beijing, China’s supreme leader (and self-proclaimed god) Xi Jinping was meeting with his supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon to discuss the upcoming war games his forces would be participating in alongside the Russians and the Iranians.

And down in Australia, Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was pulling out what little hair he had left over the news that it was an individual by the name of Uncle Ernie who was in charge of tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve fireworks over Sydney.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday December 30th
2019.

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Shakespeare Said It Best: All’s Well That Ends Well

November 29, 2019 at 11:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Shakespeare Said It Best: All’s Well That Ends Well

“I wonder why Trump spent Thanksgiving in Afghanistan?” Amadeus asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“It was apparently decided at a meeting of the U.S. National Security Council this past Wednesday night,” Renfield explained, “They thought it would be safer for Trump to be in Afghanistan than for him to be dropping turkeys from a dirigible on to the heads of innocent passers-by who were visiting the Lincoln Memorial.”

“Why would hurling turkeys from a dirigible be a problem?” Amadeus asked as he ate his turkey sandwich and drank his Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail.

“You do know turkeys can’t fly, don’t you?” Renfield with a raised eyebrow asked Amadeus.

“They can’t?” Amadeus stopped eating his turkey sandwich momentarily.

“No,” Renfield snarled.

“Oh,” Amadeus answered with his usual brilliant grasp of the situation that would have sent legendary detective Sherlock Holmes hurling himself in exasperation from the 2nd floor window of 221B Baker Street had Amadeus lived with Holmes rather than Watson.

Renfield’s smart phone went off.

The MP talked and then said, “That’s very good news, Dr. Rocher. Thanks for calling.”

“What was Dr. Cadbury Rocher phoning about?” Amadeus asked as he spilled Cranberry Cocktail all over his white shirt.

“Dr. Rocher has been talking to a Sydney Australia based billionaire named Inn Lu the past week,” Renfield said, “According to Inn Lu, yesterday was an auspicious time mathematically speaking for time travellers to travel back in time and time travel back to Xinjiang China a few months ago and save the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered on Xi Jinping’s orders. Unfortunately our two volunteer time travellers the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and Dracul Van Helsing couldn’t use the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland because that’s currently undergoing maintenance repairs as a result of the Hindu god Shiva taking disco dance lessons in the tunnel from John Travolta while William Shatner and those members of the Bee Gees who are still alive sang Saturday Night Fever songs backwards. Fortunately Set Enterprises owns a small working time tunnel in the Austrian Alps – the same locale used in the filming of The Sound of Music where ice glaciers and snow fields melted at the melodious voice of Julie Andrews as Maria dancing in the meadows. Dracul and Qonzilqointec had taken a small cactus from the Joshua Tree National Park north of Palm Springs California and substituted it for Strawberry Fields Forever in his holding cell in the re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in Xinjiang only hours after the pot smoking cactus had told his PRC captors “Better dead than red” and Xi Jinping had given the orders for Strawberry Fields Forever’s wish to come true. So it was actually a Palm Springs north socialite cactus who was butchered by Mei-ling Manchu while Ho Babylon Minh video recorded it for Justin Trudeau. Strawberry Fields Forever is now back in the present and currently alive and well while a slice of a wealthy Palm Springs north socialite cactus is now in the possession of Xi Jinping’s gardener.”

“That’s wonderful news,” Amadeus took off his cranberry cocktail laced white shirt just as the matronly middle aged woman who ran the Tewkesbury Bed and Breakfast entered the room.

The sight of Amadeus with his shirt off caused the woman to swoon like a school girl and buckle at the knees and then collapse on to the floor.

“Now look what you’ve done!” Renfield cried out to Amadeus.

“Does this mean we’re not going to get scones and biscuits for high tea?” Amadeus asked.

Meanwhile a Set Enterprises pterodactyl drone flew to Australia to deliver the news to the pot smoking cacti twins Material Girl and Mellow Yellow that their father Strawberry Fields Forever was in fact still alive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 29th
2019.

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Birthday

November 28, 2019 at 10:44 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Life, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Birthday

His birthday fell on U.S. Thanksgiving this year.

And he was Canadian.

So his birthday would be being marked south of the border.

Rita Hayworth was his favourite actress.

Although he had daydreamed about her, she had never appeared in any of his dreams as he slept.

Possibly the new year of his life was off to a good start as he had dreamed about her in the early morning.

In his dream, he had been a detective.

And he had been called in with his cousins to solve a mystery of a rock music band who had mysteriously disappeared on his uncle’s farm.

And Rita Hayworth was his assistant who helped him solve the mystery.

Or at least he assumed he had solved the mystery.

He woke up just as he dreamed he was kissing her.

But still that was off to a good start.

Usually he always woke up before he got the chance to kiss any beautiful woman who appeared in his dream.

He walked outside to shovel the snow.

As a great deal of snow had fallen over night.

As he walked down the steps of the house where he rented a basement room, he noticed rabbit tracks in the snow around the front yard.

That was always a good sign for a new year of life.

As rabbits always made him think of his father who had been born in the Chinese zodiac year of the Rabbit.

. . .

Xi Jinping the paramount leader of China wondered who this mysterious Mr. Inn Lu was in Sydney Australia who was hiding a PRC (People’s Republic of China) Ministry of State Security intelligence defector named Wang in one of his Sydney safe houses.

Wang defected with the help of another Ministry of State Security operative the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (granddaughter of Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh).

Ho herself then went and defected to Taiwan.

Xi tried to get ahold of another Ministry of State Security official the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu to try to track down both defectors.

But she didn’t seem to be answering her Huawei smart phone.

. . .

“Well, Mei-ling,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his vampiress friend from Beijing, “What have you come to tell me?”.

“Well,” Mei-ling licked her vampiress incisors with her tongue, “I’ve decided to overthrow China’s megalomaniac totalitarian despot Xi Jinping and make myself Empress of China.”

“An excellent idea,” Renfield sipped his brandy, “what can I do to help?”.

. . .

Inside a time tunnel in a mountain hideout, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was about to set out with her companion:

“Well, Dracul,” she asked Van Helsing, “are you ready to begin our mission?”.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday November 28th
2019.

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