Savannah Sarice and The Sinking of The Hyacinth
Savannah Sarice the Pirate 🏴☠️ Queen of the Caribbean has just sunk the Vatican ship The Hyacinth
After a six day battle against Jesuit drag queens, Pirate Queen Savannah Sarice had just sunk the Vatican ship The Apollo’s Hyacinth.
There was nothing worth saving aboard the ship.
Just a bunch of gay porno films and a 666 inch tall statue of the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama which was bound for Rome for Pope Francis’ personal chapel.
Savannah Sarice was now heading to her bedchamber aboard her ship The Siren’s Call.
A rather nerdy pirate Ralph Bland and Boring Starling the 9th had grabbed ahold of her hand as she went up the stairs towards her bedchamber.
Bland and Boring Starling the 9th was hoping to get lucky with her.
A long line of bland and boring Ralph Starlings going all the way back to his ancestor Ralph Bland and Boring Starling the 1st hadn’t been so lucky.
The unfortunate Ralph Bland and Boring Starling the 1st had returned to his home town of Willingden Sussex after his fiancée had suddenly called off their wedding and then married a wealthy gentleman farmer from the seaside resort of Sanditon.
Ralph Bland and Boring Starling the First had turned to drink and as a result ended up marrying a woman who is believed to be the ancestress of most Calgary white women.
Needless to say when Ralph woke up sober on the morning after his wedding he was never again sober for the rest of his life.
A long line of Ralph Bland and Boring Starlings hoped to land a pretty woman but none ever did.
Now Ralph Bland and Boring Starling the 9th was hoping to break that chain.
Following Savannah Sarice the Pirate 🏴☠️ Queen of the Caribbean up the stairs, the nerdy pirate Ralph Bland and Boring Starling the 9th was hoping to get lucky.
Alas for poor Ralph the 9th, he tripped over Jefferey the Otter 🦦 who was lying on deck.
Ralph rendered himself unconscious in the process.
Jefferey had jumped aboard The Siren’s Call from a helicopter 🚁.
The otter had uncovered a plot from the Communist regime in Beijing.
A small cadre of Chinese Communists were going to invade a Sodom and Gomorrah theme park at Florida’s Disney World.
The Biden Administration would naturally be up in arms about the invasion and after mobilizing armed forces all over the world to liberate the Sodom and Gomorrah theme park at Disney World, the U.S. would be sufficiently distracted enough to allow the Chinese Communists to invade the island of Taiwan and annex it to the Communist People’s Republic.
Jefferey’s mission was to get the Pirate Queen of the Caribbean Savannah Sarice to attack the Communist Chinese ship as it sailed towards Florida and the Sodom and Gomorrah theme park at Disney World.
The U.S. Navy was currently attending LGBTQ2s+ Sensitivity Training Workshops and could not currently defend America’s coastline at the moment.
After listening to Jefferey (she had never encountered a talking otter 🦦 before), Savannah gave the order to attack the Communist Chinese ship The Xi Jinping So Long Dong (named after Communist China’s megalomaniacal paramount leader Xi Jinping and his wishful thinking attributes).
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Sunday May 14th
2023.
Warrior Princesses Spray Holy Water On Kremlin Meeting Rooms
South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan is back home in Seoul, South Korea ready to perform with her cello at a classical concert
This past Tuesday September 13th and past Wednesday September 14th Hyung Grace Kwan had been in Astana Kazakhstan killing evil vampires and vampiresses who were attending Astana’s 7th Interfaith Congress.
Then yesterday Thursday September 15th Hyung and her ancestress the immortal princess Kwan Yin were spraying Holy Water around every single Kremlin meeting room in Moscow.
That is because Xi’s supernatural spirit advisor the Black Dragon was supposed to meet with Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of the Archangel Michael) in the Kremlin on that date.
The Holy Water that Hyung and Kwan used was from a cache of bottles of Holy Water that had been personally blessed by Pope St. Pius X (who was Pope from August 4th 1903 to August 20th 1914).
St. Pius X was the Pope who condemned the Modernist heresy (The Modernist heresy denies the Virgin Birth, Incarnate Deity, Substitionary Atonement For Humanity’s Sins by Dying On The Cross, Bodily Resurrection and 2nd Coming of Jesus Christ).
Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) is the apotheosis of the Modernist heresy.
That’s why Joe Biden’s Oval Office which is thoroughly doused in Pope Francis’ blessed Holy (?) Water (when it isn’t being doused by Joe Biden’s sulphurous bowel movements) is able to attract every single demon, devil, fallen angel and unclean spirit on the planet.
So as a result of the Holy Water doused on the Kremlin and its meeting rooms, the Black Dragon and Moloch (posing as Michael the Archangel) were unable to meet.
Their human operatives Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping and Russian President Vladimir Putin were able to meet however at Samarkand Uzbekistan for the Shanghai Cooperation Organization summit.
At a sideline meeting between Xi and Putin at the SCO Summit, Xi personally humiliated the Russian leader for losing the war in Ukraine.
Although that was nothing to the personal humiliation that Xi suffered Wednesday night at the hands of a holographic image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield at the Astana state banquet for Xi.
Hyung Grace Kwan in the meantime had received a personal request from an admirer (a Calgary based geopolitical analyst) to play Antonio Vivaldi’s Spring Allegro from The Four Seasons at tonight’s cello concert.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 16th
2022.
Xi In Kazakhstan
The Greek goddess Hera was in Astana Kazakhstan today.
As was Pope Francis and Communist China’s supreme despot Xi Jinping.
Hera was visiting Astana today because she had heard that Zeus would be attending the Kazakhstani 7th InterFaith Congress.
Zeus was most definitely in Astana (the Kazakh capital currently suffers under the revolting name Nur-Sultan named after a Kazakhstani politician and former President Nursultan Nazarbayev).
(Editor’s Note from Renfield R. Renfield: Due to the efforts of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst and blogger who has been pointing out in his blog posts the past few days that the name Astana reflects good taste while the name Nur-Sultan reflects bad taste , the government of Kazakhstan announced earlier today that it would be changing the Kazakh capital’s name back to Astana).
Zeus was here to chase a beautiful Jordanian princess (a distant cousin of Jordan’s King Abdullah II) who was here in Astana attending the InterFaith Congress on behalf of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan.
After cornering the Jordanian princess and asking her to come back to his palace on Mount Olympus where Zeus told her, “I’ll show you the way I ride my bulls”, the Jordanian princess shouted “Revenge for Ixion!” and kicked Zeus in the groin with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
As Zeus lay on the ground groaning over his groin, Hera came by and hit Zeus over the head with the world’s largest watermelon that had been sent to the InterFaith Congress as a gift from former U.S. President Barack Obama.
Zeus now lay unconscious in a pool of Neo-Bolshevik red coloured juice while the ghost of Josef Stalin and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) sang that old Platters hit song “Oh yes I’m the Great Pretender…”
And speaking of pretenders and imposters, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) had to google Who Was Jesus Christ? prior to giving a speech because the so-called Holy Father had forgotten who He was.
And also in Astana Kazakhstan on this day was Communist China’s paramount leader and all round despotic tyrant Xi Jinping.
Xi’s visit to Astana Kazakhstan on this day was his first trip outside Communist China ever since he had released bat virus from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and had begun the plandemic.
“Unholy bat virus, Batman,” a talking robin spoke as he flew down on top of Xi’s hair and crapped all over him.
An immediate search was underway to find some PH Unbalanced Shampoo to shampoo the robin crap out of Xi’s hair.
A bottle was found in The Homicidal Sasquatch Pub in downtown Astana.
Sitting in the pub was the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg who was talking to the Russian made cyborg sex robot Sophia.
Sophia had been invented by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who now worked for the Russian FSB).
The cyborg sex robot Sophia had made out with Dracul Van Helsing on a roundtable in the Kazakh Palace of Religion in Astana in 2013.
An incident that was recorded in a geopolitical analyst’s blog post back in 2013 (although at that time the geopolitical analyst lived in Vancouver and not Calgary).
“You mean to say,” George Finneganburg quickly downed his beer, “that Dracul Van Helsing came up with a cyborg sex robot before I did? How the Hell am I going to break the news to Akira?”.
Once the robin crap had been washed out of Xi’s hair, he then met with Kazakh government officials.
After his Astana visit, Xi would be flying to the Russian capital of Moscow for a Kremlin summit meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in order to discuss the war in Ukraine.
As such, Xi had brought along his Supernatural spirit advisor the Black Dragon to Astana and the winged demon serpent covered in charcoal black would also be accompanying Xi to Moscow.
There the Black Dragon would be meeting with Putin’s supernatural advisor “Saint Michael the Archangel” (who was not really Saint Michael the Archangel but was really the demon Moloch posing as the Archangel Michael in an effort to fool the megalomaniacal would-be Deutero-Czar Peter the Great aka Putin).
Kwan Yin the immortal princess (venerated as the Goddess of Mercy in some sects of Buddhism) and her descendant the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were keeping tags on Xi in Astana and would be following him to Moscow for his meeting with Putin.
Xi was now attending a state banquet in his honour with Kazakh government leaders in Astana.
Before Xi sat down at the banquet table, a small robotic Paddington Bear (called Paddy O’ Marmalade), who had been invented by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague, put a combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue down on Xi’s chair.
When Xi sat down, he got hopelessly stuck and couldn’t get up again.
As members of the Kazakh honour guard struggled to get Xi free from the chair that his pants were hopelessly glued to, the Paddington Bear robot named Paddy O’ Marmalade came and threw a Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg laced cream pie in his face.
The cream pie had been specially prepared and baked by Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who worked as a secret agent for Set Enterprises.
Between his butt stuck to the chair and his face covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie, Xi did not really look like a great leader.
It was at that moment that the ghost of Winston Churchill (representing the British government) presented Xi with a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt.
Of course Xi could not put it on because of his current predicament.
Just then a holographic image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared and started to sing to the tune of the Beatles song Hey Jude:
“Hey Xi, don’t ask me why
Take a sad song and make it badder
Remember vaccines get under your skin
Changing your DNA
Until you become Transhuman, human, human, human, human,…”
Renfield was broadcasting from the living room of the Set Estate mansion in London, England.
In the background could be heard the sound of Amadeus Emanon opening the door to pick up the Chinese Food delivery they had ordered from a Chinese restaurant.
“Hey Amadeus,” Renfield piped up, “Ask the delivery guy how do you say “Xi Jinping, you are a total loser” in Chinese?”.
Amadeus asked.
And the Chinese Food delivery guy answered adding and ad libbing a few nasty pejoratives of his own.
Renfield spoke in perfect Mandarin (with some Cantonese thrown in for good measure) telling Xi that he was a total loser and throwing in the delivery guy’s added ad libbed nasty pejoratives of his own.
Xi was livid with rage although you couldn’t tell because his face was covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie while his bottom was still being pulled away from the butt locking combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue on his chair.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 14th
2022.
The Duck Called Samuel Puddlington Raises A Glass
The duck called Samuel Puddlington raised a glass
For he was no fowl pain in the ass
Unlike a certain Canadian PM
Known for his constant flow from a BM
The duck thought of flying to the Far East
But then thought Xi might make of him a Peking feast
Xi already threatened to shoot down Nancy Pelosi over Taiwan
News that Vladimir Putin took with a shrug and a yawn
Samuel Puddlington said “A toast! A toast!”
For of this champagne, he must make the most
The vintage was an excellent year of which few can boast
And the fish Samuel ate was fresh from the coast
Samuel was joined by his friends a frog and a hare
The frog contemplated AOC in lingerie wear
For he self-identified as human
Though he had an amphibian stare
-A Samuel Puddlington poem
written by Christopher
Saturday July 30th
2022.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Advice To Vladimir Putin
As Mei-ling Manchu plots the overthrow of Communist China’s despot Xi Jinping, British MP Renfield R. Renfield gives advice to Russian President Vladimir Putin in his Thursday night podcast
Mei-ling Manchu was getting plenty of new support for her cause to overthrow Xi.
Shanghai’s residents were fed up with his rule after being locked down and pad locked behind iron fences in the name of the worship of the Blessed and Eternal Coronavirus.
Students at Beijing universities were tearing down the iron fences that Beijing police were putting up in the name of the worship of the Blessed and Eternal Coronavirus (that the Wuhan Institute of Virology had released upon the world with the encouragement of Bill Gates who was now working on a new and improved Monkeypox virus).
Only the brainless leaders of the Western world and the brainless mainstream media in the western world and CCP propaganda itself thought that Xi’s rule was secure and iron clad.
They were all blind to the shaking going on behind the Bamboo Curtain.
Meanwhile in Canada, Alberta’s Neo-Fascist tyrant Premier Jason Kenney (who had thrown pastors in jail for violating his draconian Maoist style lockdowns in the name of the worship of the blessed and eternal Coronavirus) had announced his resignation as United Conservative Party leader yesterday May 18th (on what would have been Pope John Paul II’s 102nd birthday) since only 51.4% of the party membership had voted for him in a leadership review.
His United Conservative Party wasn’t so united after all.
And over in Britain, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was giving advice to Russian President Vladimir Putin in his Thursday night podcast.
Said Renfield, “Russian President Vladimir Putin is always telling everyone that he opposes the New World Order of the Great Reset being promoted by Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum and the vaccinazi leaders of the Western world (the European Union, Canada, the U.S., Australia and New Zealand). The sign of loyalty and fidelity to this New World Order is to wear a stupid looking diaper over one’s face (as Justin Trudeau always does when he isn’t wearing blackface) in the name of the worship of the Blessed and Eternal Coronavirus. And also to hold sodomite Pride parades all over the place in the month of June where weird looking freaks, degenerates and perverts blaspheme the sign of God’s rainbow.
Anyways the World Economic Forum is holding its annual general meeting this coming Sunday May 22nd to Thursday May 26th in Davos, Switzerland.
This conference will host over 2,000 political and industry leaders who back the goals of the World Economic Forum and its Great Reset and the New Age Communist 2030 Sustainability Agenda of the United Nations.
They will discuss their plans for “pandemic recovery, tackling climate change, the future for work, accelerating stakeholder capitalism (what they call their system of hybrid Fascism and Marxism combined) and harnessing new technologies (their expression for eliminating 8.5 billion people of the world’s population and turning obnoxious billionaire oligarchs like George Soros and Bill Gates into immortal Transhumanist gods by uniting their decrepit and spastic old bodies with AI technology so that the world might enjoy their wisdom (or lack thereof!) forever.”
Renfield went on, “Anyways this World Economic Forum Annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland will have immense security measures for its so-called elite participants including 5000 military personnel and a strictly enforced no-fy zone.
So while Ukraine doesn’t get a no-fly zone, the World Economic Forum in Davos Switzerland does.
If Vladimir Putin is truly opposed to the New World Order of the Great Reset, I call upon him to defy the no-fly zone and send a hypersonic missile directly at Davos and blow all the evil demon worshipping adherents at that conference away to kingdom come.
Thank you for listening, ladies and gentlemen. God bless you. And good night.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 19th
2022.
China’s Despotic Regime Arrests 90-Year-Old Hong Cardinal Joseph Zen
The despotic government of China’s tyrannical megalomaniacal leader Xi Jinping recently arrested Joseph Cardinal Zen the 90-year-old former bishop of Hong Kong.
The Maoist wanna-be demi-god didn’t like the elderly retired (but definitely not retiring) bishop constantly speaking out on behalf of freedom and religious rights of the people of both Hong Kong and mainland China.
So last Wednesday the 90-year-old courageous defender of religious freedom was arrested along with 3 others who worked at the now defunct 612 Humanitarian Relief Fund a charitable outfit that offered financial support for legal defence to democracy advocates on the island.
The Vatican reacted to the Cardinal’s arrest with severe understatement.
“The Holy See has learned with concern the news of Cardinal Zen’s arrest,” the Holy See press officer Matteo Bruni told reporters as Jorge Mario Bergoglio was enjoying his 12th plate of lasagna.
Brunei said the Holy See is “following the evolution of the situation with extreme attention”.
“Did anyone see where I put my glasses?” Bergoglio asked his aides.
The Vatican would not of course raise an outcry over Cardinal Zen’s arrest since they signed the 2018 Vatican Accord with the Chinese Communist Government in Beijing (an accord negotiated by the sodomite and pederasty practicing American cardinal Theodore McCarrick who ordained loads of sodomite pederasts to the American priesthood and consecrated loads of sodomite pederasts to the office of bishop in the American Church) for which the Vatican receives billions and billions of dollars (what the retired Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano called the 21st Century equivalent of Judas Iscariot’s 30 pieces of silver) for not condemning the Chinese Communist Party’s treatment of the underground Catholic Church in China.
There is much skullduggery going on in the Vatican while at the same time the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) are piling mountains upon mountains of skulls in China.
-written by Christopher
Tuesday May 17th 2022.
Thanks To Pan Goatee, Another Fat Ugly Blimp and Her Moronic Boyfriend Bite The Dust
World famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee poses for a selfie with a huge fan this past weekend
You’d think after last week’s three days of serial killing sprees that fat ugly blimps and their moronic boyfriends would finally learn to stay out of the limelight (or any other light for that matter) but seeing as how fat ugly blimps and their moronic boyfriends aren’t exactly the brighest lights in the cosmos, this huge hint was lost on them.
Pan Goatee the genetically created satyr serial killer was sitting on a sideways looking seat on a Calgary Transit bus when suddenly a fat ugly blimp sat across from him.
She might as well have been wearing a t-shirt that read BEHEAD ME PLEASE.
Her low-IQ moronic looking boyfriend sat next to her.
Pan Goatee moved to another seat where he wouldn’t have to look at the fat ugly blimp’s fat ugly face.
Upon Pan Goatee moving, the low-IQ moronic looking boyfriend then went and sat in Pan Goatee’s former seat across from her so he could look at her fat ugly face.
Then when the duo finally decided to get off the bus, the two bimbos rather than getting off the bus at the door closest to them chose to walk down and get off the bus at the door closest to Pan Goatee.
The bimbos had their chance to live and they blew it.
Pan Goatee sprang into action.
He beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
As Krampus the demon goat arrived to carry the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus, Pan went to work on the low-IQ moronic looking boyfriend.
He cut his head off and then cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
Calgary’s airheaded Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Jyoti Gondek (who had been riding the bus) protested, “That man and his girlfriend voted for me.”
“Well,” Goatee replied, “I guess you can cross their names off the voters’ list ”
. . .
Despite declaring an end to the Emergencies Act last week, Canada’s would-be Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau still hadn’t returned any of the money his government had seized from political dissidents’ bank accounts.
In fact Justin’s good Fascist buddies at the Canandian Bankers’ Association started running TV commercials promoting Digital ID and urging everyone to get it.
Justin and his buddies the bankers were still pushing an Antichrist Mark of the Beast system.
And it was revealed that Justin’s Whore of Babylon Nazi/Communist Hybrid Deputy Prime Minister of Canada and Federal Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland serves on the Board of Directors of Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum.
Schwab had said in an interview back on January 10th 2016 that everyone would have to take a digital ID chip in the next 10 years.
Israeli researcher Yuval Noah Hariri a staunch supporter of Transhumanism and the coming Homo Deus (that would replace Homo sapiens) says that everyone will take the chip and have their brain wirelessly connected to a computer and lose their free will but this will be a good thing.
NATO and the EU are not fighting for democracy and freedom but for a dystopian New World Order where everyone will be microchipped and have their minds controlled by AI.
Vladimir Putin is fighting for a revived Czarist Russian Empire.
Neither side is fighting for democracy and freedom.
Ukraine would do well not to be part of either system.
. . .
In a TV interview, Asmodeus the cigarette smoking demon of lust said that NATO and the European Union are under the control of the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Moloch.
While Vladimir Putin’s government is under the control of the Fallen Archangel Mephistopheles and the demon Pereplut.
Neither side is fighting for God.
. . .
And in Beijing, that supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon was telling Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping that now was the time to invade Taiwan.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 28th
2022.
Charlene Chan and The Blasphemous Satanic AntiPope
Charlene Chan stops to take a selfie in between sessions of torturing Communist China’s tyrannical paramount leader Xi Jinping
Charlene Chan was a member of a secret anti-Communist group the Chinese Constantinian Society.
The purpose of the society was to overthrow tyrannical megalomaniac Xi Jinping’s regime and replace it with a Christian Emperor.
Hence the name Constantinian in the Society’s name.
Just as Constantine overthrew the pagan Roman Emperors of West and East to become Rome’s 1st Christian Emperor, so a closet Christian PLA General (the secret head of the society) would overthrow the atheistic (but still demon worshipping) Neo-Maoist tyrant Xi Jinping.
In the meantime they would play mind games with the demonic despot Xi until he was overthrown.
On this 2nd day of the Chinese Lunar New Year, Charlene Chan and her fellow Chinese Constantinian Society operatives had kidnapped Xi Jinping and taken him to a Beijing hotel room where he was forced to watch an edited assortment of movie clips of caucasian white guys Warner Oland and Sidney Toler playing Chinese detective Charlie Chan in Hollywood films of the 1930s and ’40s.
The clips showed the immaculate spotless white suited Charlie Chan quoting sayings of Confucius that Confucius never said.
The non-Confucius sayings of Confucius whose puns in the quoted sayings only made sense in English and not Mandarin or Cantonese Chinese were having their intended effects on destroying Xi’s mind.
Plus he was also extremely discombulated by the fact that Charlie Chan never seemed to get any food stains on the immaculate spotless white suits that he always wore (never wearing any other colour).
Xi wondered what sort of Chinese laundries they must have had in Honolulu and San Francisco back in the day.
. . .
Meanwhile in Ottawa, caucasian black guy (because he was once again in blackface) Justin Trudeau was reading the Groundhog Day report on the prognostications of the groundhog for this Groundhog Day of 2022.
The groundhog had decreed, “The groundhog predicts at least six more weeks of attempts by totalitarian governments to flatten people’s rights and freedoms.”
The groundhog wore a t-shirt that read JUSTIN TRUDEAU SUCKS XI’S SWEET AND SOUR SHRIMP.
Justin Trudeau immediately released a statement denouncing the groundhog as “racist, misogynyst, Islamophobic, homophobic, transphobic, germophobic and Antichristphobic.”
. . .
In Rome, the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) issued the following statement for the Feast of Candlemass also known as the Feast of The Purification of Our Lady and also known as the Feast of The Presentation of Christ In The Temple,
“Those who have denied the Faith, who are apostates, who are the persecutors of the Church, who have denied their baptism, are these also at home?” to which the blathering heretical idiot and apostate answered his own question, “Yes, these too. All of them. The blasphemers, all of them. We are brothers. This is the Communion of Saints.”
Nimrod the frog (and friend of the cigarette smoking demon of lust known as Asmodeus) who wasn’t exactly Christian in his own beliefs nevertheless shouted at Francis after his spiel, “I renounce you as Christ’s enemy and Antichrist.”
Shortly before Francis delivered his sodomite drivel, a man attending the Wednesday general audience shouted at the apostate Pontiff in English and then in Italian, “God rejects you.”
He was immediately arrested by Swiss Guards.
As he was led away in handcuffs, a red dress wearing lady of the evening said to the arrested man, “Sir, I perceive that you are a Prophet.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 2nd
2022.
Xi’s Overindulgence In Egg Rolls Leads To Nightmares
Musicians at a Hong Kong concert for the victims of the June 4th 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre.
Xi Jinping the despotic and genocidal Communist dictator of the People’s Republic of China had overindulged in egg rolls with extra sweet plum sauce this evening.
As the result of his overindulgence began to weigh on his stomach, Xi turned on the television.
To his horror, he stumbled across a channel that had the audacity to show an illegal concert being held in Hong Kong tonight to commemorate the victims of the June 4th 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre.
The musician on the right was Xi’s notable enemy the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu.
The sight of vampiress Mei-ling Manchu a notable enemy of the Chinese Communist Party performing at an illegal concert in Hong Kong commemorating the 32nd anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre was too much for Xi to handle.
After putting in a phone call ordering that the programming manager of the TV channel that had broadcast the illegal concert commemorating the Tiananmen Square Massacre be immediately shot by firing squad, Xi took a sleeping pill and went to bed.
In his dream, Xi dreamed that he was a captive of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
“Now,” said Renfield, “I want you to sign this confession admitting that the Covid-19 virus was released by the Wuhan Institute of Virology.”
“Never,” Xi refused.
“That sleeping pill you took earlier was no sleeping pill,” Renfield grinned, “Mei-ling Manchu substituted pills designed to give one a heart atack. I won’t call an ambulance to help you unless you sign a confession.”
Xi started clutching his chest as he began to feel the onset of a heart attack.
“I got the idea from watching an episode of the American soap opera The Young and The Restless,” Renfield sipped a martini with two olives and a twist of lemon, “Ashlyn Locke tried to renege on a business deal with Victor Newman in the Newman home. He suddenly started having a heart attack in the Newman living room because he had found out a couple of hours earlier that his wife Tara had had an affair with Kyle Abbott. As Locke started keeling over from the heart attack, he asked Victor Newman to call him an ambulance. Victor said he’d only call him an ambulance if he signed the contract selling Xerxes Media to him Victor Newman. Finally Locke signed just before keeling over. And then Victor called the ambulance. I suggest you might want to sign this confession before that happens to you.”
“Never,” Xi fell on his knees to the floor.
At that moment, the body of Dr. Anthony Fauci is carried out on a stretcher.
“Look and beware,” Renfield pointed at Fauci’s body, “He refused to sign a confession admitting that he had funded gain of function research at the Wuhan Institute of Virology. And now he’s no more. No doubt there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth in the newsrooms of CNN, The New York Times and The Washington Post when they hear the news.”
“I shall never sign,” Xi keeled over and died of a heart attack.
The Chinese Communist despot then dreamed he was thrown into the fires of Tartarus.
“But wait,” Xi cried as the flames of Hell began licking his body, “The Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg said that there would be a void after death not this.”
Xi’s screams echoed through eternity.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 4th
2021.
The Search
Amadeus Emanon had brought his parish priest Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds to brunch with him after the church service.
Renfield greeted Father Bury Saint Edmunds, “How’s it going, Father?”.
“Fine, thank you, Mr. Renfield,” Father Bury Saint Edmunds answered the British MP.
“So how’s everything on the ecclesiastical front?” Renfield inquired.
“Well, early last week Pope Francis made a peculiar statement,” the priest replied, “He said salvation and redemption aren’t granted to people individually but only collectively as members of a group.”
“Sounds like Communism to me,” Renfield remarked.
“It does to me as well,” the priest agreed.
. . .
And at their brunch the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and the vampire Lord Tweedsmuir were likewise discussing Communism with relation to Bill Gates and the CCP (Chinese Communist Party).
“So I hear after 27 years of marriage Bill Gates is finally divorcing his wife Melinda,” Lord Tweedsmuir sipped his whiskey, “Their divorce being announced on Twitter.”
“Yes, Bill Gates must have recently got the proper optical prescription for his glasses and after putting them on, he finally noticed that Melinda looks like a man in drag,” Set added soda to his own glass of whiskey, “so the marriage is now over.”
“So the courts will now decide who gets which half of the world between them?” Tweedsmuir helped himself to a sandwich.
“Undoubtedly,” Set nodded.
“You said to me over the phone earlier that the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit has uncovered information about Bill Gates, Communism and the CCP?” Lord Tweedsmuir put down his glass of whiskey.
“Yes, Bill Gates has visited the People’s Republic of China more than a dozen times since his retirement from Microsoft in 2008,” Set pointed out.
“Maybe he has a Chinese mistress?” Lord Tweedsmuir suggested.
“It turns out he does,” Set answered, “a Miss Shelly Wang. Who served as his translator on his many visits to China. Interestingly Bill took Melinda along on his trips to Africa but not his trips to China. There are rumours that Shelly Wang gave birth to Bill Gates’ child. Another reason Bill and Melinda may have split up.”
“That would definitely do it all right,” Lord Tweedsmuir nodded.
“Anyways Gates has made several interesting statements during his visits to China,” Set went on, “One of them was “Only socialism can save the climate”. And by socialism, I don’t think he meant old time Scandinavian social democracy.”
“But rather Marxist-Leninist socialism of the CCP variety?” Tweedsmuir raised an eyebrow.
“Exactly,” Set nodded, “Then he added, “Capitalism cannot save the planet.” In that respect he sounds like an old time Marxist-Leninist.”
“Or Pope Francis,” Tweedsmuir commented.
“Exactly,” Set agreed, “He has also said “Paranoia about China is crazy”. Yes, no need to be paranoid about a country that spies on its own citizens. Gates is one capitalist billionaire who seems to be quite enamoured with the Chinese Communist system. In the same way that billionaire Armand Hammer the CEO of Occidental Petroleum used to be quite enamoured with the Soviet system of the old Soviet Union. Armand Hammer used to appear on American TV talk shows such as The Merv Griffin Show back in the 1970s and ’80s and tell audiences what a wonderful and kind chap Lenin was. Now Gates is doing the same thing in singing the praises of the People’s Republic of China.”
“A Communist billionaire,” Tweedsmuir shook his head, “I really didn’t think there could be such a thing.”
Set went on, “The Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit has also discovered that in China’s national textbooks studied by all Chinese students, Bill Gates is referred to as “a Western person who is a Communist driver with Communist spirit”. So you’ve got the CCP calling Bill Gates a good Communist.”
“I take it the mainstream media in North America is unaware of what’s written about Bill Gates in Chinese national textbooks,” Tweedsmuir put down his empty glass.
“The mainstream media in North America have a hard time reading and comprehending English language textbooks so one can only imagine the titanically colossal struggle they’d face in reading Chinese language textbooks,” Set noted, “For they are far far longer than a CONFUCIUS SAY message in a Chinese restaurant fortune cookie.”
. . .
The Greek goddess Athena was checking out the books in the living room of Dracul Van Helsing’s apartment.
“Is there any particular book you’re looking for?” Dracul Van Helsing asked as he brought in the home delivery order from Lydo’s Chinese Food.
“Claudius’ History of the Etruscans,” Athena answered.
“You must have heard about my visit this past Friday to an English country garden adjacent to an English country manor’s library and living room,” Van Helsing smiled.
“I did,” Athena nodded, “And those creatures Napoleon sketched whose sketches the French Emperor put in the last pages of that book.”
“What about them?” Van Helsing asked.
“Where do you think Bill Gates got his ideas on what to put in his next vaccine?” Athena asked.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 9th 2021.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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