Yaldabaoth Meets A Bake-Danuki Tanuki

June 14, 2020 at 10:33 pm (Folklore, magic, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was in Geneva Switzerland visiting a friend of his Mittendorf Lesterius who was one of the garden gnomes of Zurich.

“What’s that a statue of?” Yaldabaoth pointed towards a statue.

“That’s a bake-danuki tanuki,” the garden gnome answered as he pulled millions of Swiss francs out of his trousers and started counting it.

“A what?” Yaldabaoth asked.

“Well, a tanuki refers to a Japanese raccoon dog,” Mittendorf Lesterius explained, “The bake-danuki is a type of tanuki yokai (yokai is Japanese for supernatural beings) found in the classics and folklore and legends of Japan. Although the tanuki itself is a real existing animal, the bake-danuki of Japanese literature is a strange supernatural animal. They are able to shapeshift into other things or even people and can possess human beings. Most of the time though, this legendary tanuki the bake-danuki is reputed to be mischievous and jolly, a master of disguise and a shapeshifter, but somewhat gullible and absentminded.”

“So this statue then,” Yaldabaoth ate a bowl of Irish potatoes, “Is it a real statue or a bake-danuki tanuki in disguise?”.

“There’s one way to find out,” the garden gnome of Zurich smiled, “Pour some real Japanese sake over it.”

Mittendorf Lesterius poured sake over the statue and the statue came to life as a real bake-danuki tanuki.

The bake-danuki tanuki introduced himself as one Shogun Sake Kanasatake by name, grabbed a full bottle of sake and broke out into song,

Old comrades marching through the land
Forming steadfast and loyal friendships
Whether in need or in danger
They always hold together anew
During the attack, we will give them blow for blow
Honour and glory shall victory bring us
Let’s go, comrades, freshly reloaded (he helps himself to a 2nd bottle of sake)
This is our marching music (plays the accordion with his feet)
During the maneuver, the whole regiment accomodated
Itself in the headquarters of the nearest village house
And at the inn, there was flirting
With all the girls and especially the innkeeper’s daughter…

At that moment, a very Swiss looking gentleman wearing shorts and lederhosen approaches and shoots the bake-danuki tanuki in the buttocks.

The bake-danuki tanuki flees.

“I take it that was probably the innkeeper,” Yaldabaoth helped himself to a bottle of sake.

“You’re probably right,” the garden gnome of Zurich likewise helped himself to a bottle of sake.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 14th
2020.

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Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple

March 26, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, magic, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple

Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having a conversation with British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Both men were 6 meters away from one another so they wouldn’t be shot by killer drones recently commandeered by WHO (the World Health Organization) for those who violated the world body’s social distancing rules.

Athelstan was also wearing a face mask.

Although whether this was because he feared getting the Coronavirus or because he had just cleaned out the kitty litter box belonging to Nefertiti Galore (the vampire Set’s fiercely protective house cat) is a matter for speculation.

“So, Mr. Renfield,” Athelstan coughed through his face mask, “I hear that Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam issued an Executive Order this past Monday making it a criminal offense to hold a Church service with more than 10 people present. If found guilty, people could be imprisoned for 12 months and/or fined $2,500.”

“I imagine,” Renfield lit his pipe, “that the Baal and Baphomet worshipping Marxist despot Ralph Northam was positively ejaculating in ecstasy and orgasm at being able to sign such an Executive Order. I don’t imagine he’ll ever bother rescinding it even when the pandemic is over.”

“Probably not, sir,” Athelstan dusted off a portrait painting of the late British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher dressed in a medieval Iron Maiden torture chamber item suit, “Did you hear that Pope Francis’ personally designated papal successor Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle is saying let’s overcome the Coronavirus with a pandemic of love?”.

“Well,” Renfield sipped his pipe, “Isn’t that jackass just the epitome of romance?”.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was flying a magic shamrock flying carpet from his rented farmhouse in Vermont to New York City.

Yaldabaoth had recently left Ireland after that country had closed all its pubs (As Yaldabaoth remarked at the time, “You know a world situation is serious when it forces Ireland to close all its pubs.”)

He had gone to Vermont hoping that the pubs would be open.

Many of them were closed but lucky for Yaldabaoth, there were plenty of Vermont country gentlemen who made their own moonshine.

Yaldabaoth rented his Vermont farmstead from another Irish leprechaun The Fantastic Flanigan.

The Fantastic Flanigan had the honour of being the world’s shortest UFC fighter.

He also had the honour of being the world’s only always defeated UFC fighter.

Generally all the other UFC fighters used the Fantastic Flanigan as practice for the day the old medieval sport of dwarf tossing was once again brought back into the world.

It so happened that the Fantastic Flanigan owned a flying carpet (made from magic shamrocks) so he had left it behind in the barn for Yaldabaoth to use.

Flanigan was currently spending his social isolation time at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada.

As Yaldabaoth approached New York City, he was shocked to see the Big Apple surrounded by an army of Dullahans (A Dullahan was a black horse riding headless horseman of death).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 26th
2020

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Yaldabaoth, Dracul, Sophia and The Brave New World

March 24, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Yaldabaoth, Dracul, Sophia and The Brave New World

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing with his former employer (and current landlord) the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the curious political situation unfolding in Canada.

The Justin Trudeau Liberals had introduced into the House of Commons in Ottawa today an $82 billion bailout package to help the Canadian economy cope with the financial and economic fallout from the Covid-19 Coronavirus pandemic.

But included in the bill was emergency Financial Powers legislation that would grant Canadian Finance Minister Bill Morneau (or whoever was named Canada’s Finance Minister) power to raise or lower taxes as well as abolish taxes or establish new taxes until December 2021 without having to seek the approval of Parliament first.

Ignoring Patrick Henry’s statement that “Taxation without representation is tyranny” and George III’s desire to do just that to the American colonies led to the American Revolution.

The leaders of both major Opposition parties in the Canadian House of Commons- Federal Conservative leader Andrew Scheer and Federal New Democratic Party leader Jagmeet Singh while approving of the $82 billion aid package for Canadians did not approve of the Federal Financial powers legislation that would give the Federal Finance Minister carte blanche to rule the Canadian economy by dictatorial fiat.

Therefore they threatened to defeat the bill and being a minority government, the Trudeau Liberals were forced to withdraw it.

However the Trudeau ass kissing sycophants in most of the mainstream Canadian media such as CBC, CTV and Canadian Global News were presenting the news story in such a way as to give Canadian TV news viewers the idea that the Federal Conservatives and the Federal New Democrats were being heartless in wanting to hold up a $82 billion financial aid package that would help ordinary Canadians who were being laid off and losing their income in such extraordinary times.

But the trouble lay with the sneaky and underhanded Canadian Federal Liberals (who had always been sneaky and underhanded ever since the days of Prime Minister William Lyon MacKenzie King – a Canadian Liberal Prime Minister in the 1920s, ’30s and ’40s) who were trying to sneak in dictatorial powers to Canada’s finance minister which were an affront to representative democracy.

But the Canadian media just went along with the dystopian brave new world the Trudeau Liberals were hoping to create.

Today the Canadian government started running ads featuring Dr. Theresa Tam Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer telling Canadians the simple measures they could take to help prevent the spread of the Coronavirus.

Normally Government of Canada ads for the past 40 years always ended with a professional announcer saying “Brought to you by the Government of Canada”.

Today a Calgary based geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield clearly heard Justin Trudeau’s voice at the end of the ad saying, “Brought to you by the Government of Canada.”

So Justin was now becoming the voice of an Orwellian Big Brother in Canadian government advertising.

A Canadian Goebbels doing his own voice narration in the midst of a dystopian apocalyptic disaster film reality TV show.

As Renfield remarked to Set, “This pandemic will finally see totalitarian despots who have been in the closet finally coming out of the closet as the rest of the population are told to stay in their homes.”

. . .

Donald Trump meanwhile was telling a Trump ass kissing sycophant from Fox News that he hoped to see every American business establishment currently closed finally open for business by Easter.

“In other words, an American resurrection,” the Trump ass kissing sycophant from Fox News beamed like a moron in ecstasy on Ecstasy.

“Doesn’t that mean an American Crucifixion will have to happen first?” Thought Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was currently residing in a rustic country farm house in the American state of Vermont and watching the interview on television.

. . .

Meanwhile Yaldabaoth’s mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian gnostic goddess of wisdom was standing on a rustic country road in southern Italy.

“Ciao, bella,” Dracul Van Helsing greeted her.

“Dracul,” Sophia was shocked, “Aren’t you ignoring what the WHO has to say about social distancing?”.

“I apologize,” Dracul answered, “That was a spontaneous reaction to when I first saw you just now. If Justin Trudeau finds out about this, he’ll be painting his face to look like mine.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 24th 
2020.

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Yaldabaoth and Morrigan

February 10, 2020 at 11:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Yaldabaoth and Morrigan

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun looked exceedingly pleased with himself as he was nestled in the arms of Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

The year was 1955.

The place Monte Carlo.

And Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had been cleaning up at the roulette tables.

House management had become concerned.

Unfortunately their regular house detective had been killed in a shoot out last month involving the American CIA, the Soviet KGB, the IRA (Irish Republican Army), the California Harper Valley PTA (Parent-Teachers’ Association) and the American IRS (Internal Revenue Service).

The IRS must have emerged the winner.

Because the IRS operative put a hand in the house detective’s pocket, pulled out a stone and squeezed blood out of the stone into a jar (that had a piece of paper written on the jar’s outside saying For Uncle Sam).

After an hour the stone no longer cosmologically or ontologically existed and the large jar was filled to the top with blood.

The house detective was buried in a grotto honouring the goddess Fortuna.

Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion was hired by the casino to serve as house detective until a replacement for the deceased fellow could be found.

So far no one was willing to take the job.

Because Jocasta a parent representative on the California Harper Valley PTA (who was quite overly protective of her son) was one nasty target shooting markswoman.

Fortunately for Carson Cody Albion, he had been turned into an immortal by Atargatis the Syro-Phoenician goddess back in the early 1940s.

So Jocasta’s bullets didn’t amount to much.

Although after missing Albion, they did strike and kill a Ph.D student in Psychology who was doing his doctoral dissertation on the theories of Sigmund Freud and his analysis of the connection between the male libido and psyche.

When Albion opened the hotel room door, he saw Yaldabaoth in the arms of Morrigan.

“Other guests in the hotel have been complaining about the sound of spanking coming from this room,”
Albion said.

“That is strange,” Yaldabaoth admitted.

“May I inquire, sir, as to why both your pants and underpants are on the floor and your bottom seems to be glowing like the fireflies of a warm August night?” Albion asked.

“I must confess I’m at a loss for words,” Yaldabaoth answered.

Morrigan reached over to the dresser, pulled a dictionary off it and handed it to the leprechaun.

“Even more than the sound of spanking,” Albion cleared his throat, “management is concerned about your constant winning at the roulette wheel.”

“It is the luck of the Irish, it is,” Yaldabaoth grinned.

“Our detectors detected a magnet coming from your direction,” Albion stated.

“Ah, for sure ’tis my magnetic personality,” the leprechaun smiled, “overflowing like the River Shannon after a week of spring rains.”

“What about this magnet on your belt?” The detective picked up the leprechaun’s pants.

“As Saint Patrick is my witness, I don’t know how that got there,” the leprechaun protested.

“But Saint Patrick isn’t here to be your witness,” Morrigan pointed out.

“Shibboleth, I don’t know what to say,” Yaldabaoth shook his head.

“You might start by improving the pronunciation of your conversational ancient Hebrew,” Albion noted.

The detective had recently taken a course in conversational ancient Hebrew.

“I know how to punish Yaldabaoth for his offences,” Morrigan once again took the leprechaun over her knee.

“I’ll show myself out,” Albion remarked as he went over to the door, opened it and exited.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday January 19th
2020
Finally posted on 
Monday February 10th
2020.
The Morrigan-Yaldabaoth the
Irish leprechaun story for Anonymole.

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Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat

January 25, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Film, magic, Movies, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Willard 1971 Film Characters Show Up In The Year of The Rat

“When was this photo taken?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest as he held a martini (stirred not shaken) at an exhibition of the photographs that never made it into LIFE Magazine during the years of its existence.

“Sometime in the 1950s in Havana, Cuba,” Forrest answered.

“That’s a zombie isn’t it?” Renfield inquired.

“It is,” Forrest replied as he accepted the cocktail drink called the Zombie that was handed to him by his living dead walking dead Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.

Dead skeleton meets living dead Zombie.

. . .

Krampus the demon-goat of old Bavaria and the old Austro-Hungarian Empire received an elegantly written handwritten note from his friend the genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (who specialized in killing ugly women) complaining about the vast number of ugly women living in the City of Calgary.

Krampus decided to help his friend out.

He went to a Calgary repertory theatre that were showing the 1971 American horror film Willard (about a young man who trains rats to eat people) to mark the start of the new Chinese lunar new year The Year of the Rat that begins today.

It was the sort of thing that a city like Calgary known for its brainless white Caucasian males (with the exception of Pan Goatee as well as a journalist/historian/geopolitical analyst who lived on a medical disability pension) and its hideous repulsively ugly Caucasian white females (of which sadly there were very few exceptions) would put on to mark the start of a Chinese New Year that called itself the Year of The Rat.

Krampus went to the theatre and calling upon an ancient spell from an ancient Aztec copy of The Necronomicon brought the rats to life off the movie screen and into the theatre where they proceeded to eat the brainless white men and the ugly white women.

After vomiting their unsatisfactory meals into the theatre toilets and urinals, the rats then went running out into the streets of Calgary.

Fortunately a former Neo-Nazi (who this morning had become a born again non-white supremacist after seeing how ugly the white women of Calgary were thus showing the idea of whites being the master race to be a total lie) had already left the downtown core and so avoided being eaten by the rats.

Pan Goatee meanwhile was entering his nearby shopping mall food court.

Approaching from the direction of the public library was an ugly looking white woman who looked like a hideous medieval cathedral gargoyle sporting an Afro.

“Cultural appropriation again, eh, you pathetic blemish on the peas in the garden of Mendelian genetics,” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the creature and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

As he walked away, no dark glasses wearing and barf bag wearing Hounds of Hell showed up.

As they were all being treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from trying to environmentally dispose of Goatee’s uglocidal victims the other day.

Goatee went inside the food court where he was enjoying a Vietnamese submarine sandwich and a Lebanese donair style pizza.

Unfortunately for him, the most hideously ugly thin stoat sized white woman in all recorded history walked by and walked around the food court.

Goatee immediately cut up the ugly woman into 999 trillion pieces without bothering to behead her first.

He put on Welder’s glasses and put his astral laser machete on slow-mo (for slow motion) to take its time on cutting up the ugly looking creature into tiny pieces.

Using the Michtlantecuhtli tempus suspendendi ray, Goatee was able to withhold death from ending the uglo’s agony until such time as the 999 trillionth piece fell to the floor.

“How am I going to clean up this mess?” The food court janitor asked as he arrived on the scene.

His answer soon became apparent with the arrival of hundreds of thousands of rats who appeared and proceeded to eat up the Guinness Book of World Records holding uglo thin sized stoat award winner.

Another group of hundreds of thousands of rats went into the washroom where they vomited up the remains of the white uglo looking gargoyle with the Afro they had encountered and eaten outside.

Well so far today, Goatee had encountered an uglo looking gargoyle and an uglo looking stoat.

All that was needed to totally ruin his day was for him to encounter a fat ugly blimp.

That happened as soon as he went outside to cross the street to the bus stop in front of the high school.

There approaching him was a fat ugly blimp with her stupid looking brainless white boyfriend (with lousy taste in women).

Goatee beheaded the blimp as well as her stupid boyfriend.

He cut up both uglo and brainless boyfriend into 999 trillion pieces each.

He wasn’t sure what 999 trillion x 2 was as he had left his antique Chinese abacus at home.

He wondered if it would have taken him awhile to figure out that particular multiplication.

Oh well, he wouldn’t worry about it, he thought as he headed for home.

Up on the roof of the high school, Socrates and Ben the two mastermind rats who lead the band of rats in the 1971 film Willard were busy examining the satellite TV dish at the top of the high school as there were no satellite TV dishes on top of high schools back in the era of 1971.

. . .

The demon Mephistopheles to the Norse goddess Hel: I wonder what the Year of the Rat will bring, my dear?

. . .

Yaya Han the Chinese leprechaun had a combined Chinese Lunar New Year/Robbie Burns Day dinner celebration with Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

They had sweet and sour haggis as a Beijing wrestler wearing a little known Ming Dynasty tartan style kilt recited Robbie Burns’ Address To A Haggis before plunging the ancient Chinese dagger into the haggis.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday January 25th
2020.

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Harry and Meghan’s Excellent Canadian Adventure

January 9, 2020 at 11:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Harry and Meghan’s Excellent Canadian Adventure

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on Skype talking to his friend Amadeus Emanon.

Amadeus and his girlfriend Angelique Dumont were currently in Australia along with a massive group of volunteers who were trying to rescue koalas, kangaroos, possums and other wildlife from the massive raging fires throughout Australia.

Amadeus gave Renfield a briefing on the situation in Australia.

“So, what do you have to tell me?” Amadeus asked Renfield.

“Well,” Renfield replied, “I just heard from our friend Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who’s currently staying at the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida. Apparently Theodore McCarrick the now laicized Communist homosexual pedophile ex-Cardinal, who sodomized numerous altar boys and young seminarians over the years and who negotiated the pact with China’s Xi Jinping selling out the Underground Catholic Church in that country, has been moved from the friary he was staying at in Kansas to a fancy town house in Jacksonville Florida. That townhouse was apparently once owned by Marcial Maciel the homosexual pedophile pervert who founded the Legionaries of Christ. Anyhow last night Yaldabaoth had a dream in which a tortoise reading a copy of Albert Camus’ The Myth of Sisyphus had appeared to him and told him that he should get together with Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war and enact revenge on McCarrick on behalf of all those poor innocents buggered by the former Cardinal.”

“And is he going to do that?” Amadeus inquired.

“He is,” Renfield nodded.

“What are you up to?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, I’m currently examining evidence that Ukraine International Airlines Flight PS752 may have been accidentally shot down by Iran’s own missile defences thinking it was a U.S. plane retaliating for Iranian missile strikes on U.S. Air Bases in Iraq,” Renfield replied.

“Wow, how awful,” Amadeus commented.

“Iran is trying to say that it isn’t true,” Renfield noted, “that the story is a psy-ops operation being directed by the American CIA. Now the American CIA are the sort of deceptive underhanded bastards who’d engage in a psy-ops operation like that but I don’t think it happened in this case. I think it was a tragic mistake by the Iranians in the situation brought on in that part of the world by the megalomania of one Donald J. Trump.”

“People are making the claim that Gen. Qasem Soleimani was a terrorist who organized militias and various death squads across the Middle East,” Amadeus pointed out.

“Well I’m no fan of Soleimani,” Renfield answered, “but Soleimani was only doing in the Middle East what the Americans were doing throughout much of Latin America back in the 1980s. Organizing militias and death squads. That bastard Roberto D’ Aubuisson who led a right-wing death squad in El Salvador is just one of many who comes to mind. So if it’s permissible for a drone to take out Soleimani, then it’s permissible for drones to take out former CIA directors as well as former Marine Lt-Col. Oliver North.”

“I don’t think Trump would quite see it that way,” Amadeus reflected.

“No, I don’t imagine he would,” Renfield took a swig of whisky.

“What do you think of Justin Trudeau sporting a beard?” Amadeus asked next.

“He’s probably trying to look like a war time leader,” Renfield pointed out, “Dracul Van Helsing mentioned to an Alberta provincial cabinet minister he met in a coffee shop in Calgary in November that Trudeau may not necessarily be able to hold on to power in a minority government situation if a major global war broke out which Van Helsing told the said cabinet minister it probably would. As Trudeau does not have the type of fibre it takes to be a political leader in war time. Word of that probably got back to Trudeau when Alberta Premier Jason Kenney met Trudeau. And no doubt Justin thinks that by growing a beard which makes him look more mature and less boyish that this will turn him into a war time leader over night.”

“But there’s more to being a war time leader than having a beard,” Amadeus pointed out.

“You and I can both agree on that,” Renfield took another swig of whisky.

“Seeing as how you’re close friends with Prince Harry and Meghan, what do you make of them stepping back from their role as senior royals?” Amadeus asked.

“I actually advised them to go ahead and do it,” Renfield commented.

“You did?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes,” Renfield removed the cap off another bottle of whisky, “I’m afraid what ever good will I had with Her Majesty the Queen after rescuing one of her Welsh corgis from drowning 3 years ago, I’ve now lost.”

“So, what’s happening?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, as you may have heard on the news tonight, the Duchess of Sussex has flown back to Canada. She’s arriving in Vancouver shortly. And then will be flying to Victoria on Vancouver Island. You may not know this… But Prince Archie…. my godson… umm… Forget that I just said that,” Renfield added who had been constantly telling the British tabloid press that he could neither confirm nor deny that he was Archie’s godfather, “never returned to Britain from Canada.”

“So the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are moving to Canada?” Amadeus inquired.

“Yes, which actually ties in with the geopolitical plans that Dracul Van Helsing has for Canada,” Renfield continued to down his whisky.

“Van Helsing has geopolitical plans for Canada?” Amadeus wanted to know more.

“Yes, since foreign policy in what is becoming an increasingly dangerous world is the last thing on the minds of most Canadian politicians of whatever political party and stripe, Van Helsing has been thinking up a geopolitical strategy for Canada,” Renfield opened up his third bottle of whisky in the course of this Skype conversation with Amadeus.

“What does Van Helsing want to see?” Amadeus demanded to know.

“Well he’s come to the conclusion that since a narcissistic megalomaniac with Caesar like neo-Roman imperial ambitions is the head of state and head of government of the country directly south of him, it could be a very good thing for Canadian political sovereignty if Canada had a constitutional monarchy independent of Britain. The first Emperor of Brazil was actually a son of the King of Portugal. And it’s always been Van Helsing’s opinion that Brazil started to go down hill as a nation when the Brazilian military ousted the Emperor in a coup back in the 19th Century and it’s been going down hill ever since. Last year Van Helsing came to the conclusion that Harry and Meghan would make an ideal King and Queen of Canada.
And now it appears they want to move to Canada.”

“What will Trump make of that?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Trump is currently wondering why Justin’s beard looks like that of the late Soleimani,” Renfield replied.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 9th
2020.


Meghan and Harry: Future Queen and King of Canada?

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A Julian Calendar Christmas Day In Mar-a-Lago

January 7, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A Julian Calendar Christmas Day In Mar-a-Lago

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun sat reading the book The Guns of August by historian Barbara W. Tuchman as he was sitting in the lobby of the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.

It was a book recommended to him by his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

He had watched an interview last night on BBC America of a BBC World News interview between anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy and his friend Renfield.

Yaldabaoth had text messaged Renfield asking if there were any good books he could read which could enlighten him to the current world situation vis-a-vis Iran and the U.S.

Renfield had replied recommending Tuchman’s book The Guns of August as it could serve as an historical antecedent to the current world situation.

Yaldabaoth’s mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom would soon be joining him for dinner.

Meanwhile up at the lobby desk, a very beautiful and very sexy (in Yaldabaoth’s opinion) woman who called herself Dolly Castro was talking to the resort manager.

“Yes, I sent the President a photo of yourself and also what you’re currently wearing and he says he’s very ready to meet you,” the manager said, “but before he invites you to the White House for a one-on-one meeting, he wants to know, since you have the last name of Castro, if you’re at all related to an infamous Castro. ”

The woman frowned.

“So,” the manager asked, paraphrasing Sen. Joe McCarthy, “Are you now or have you ever been related to Julian Castro?”.

Julian Castro was a former candidate for the U.S. Democratic Party Presidential nomination who had recently withdrawn from the race. 

He had also served in Barack Obama’s cabinet as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

“No,” Dolly Castro smiled, “I’m not. Nor have I ever been.”

“All right,” the manager smiled, “he’s officially invited you to the White House then. I understand you have a gift you’re bringing him?”.

“Yes,” Dolly smiled, “It’s a new type of Australian harmonica. Invented by a notable Australian eccentric named Uncle Ernie.”

. . .

In the resort’s main dining room, Sophia was discussing with Yaldabaoth a woman named Bella Dodd whom she had met in the U.S. back in the 1950s.

Bella Dodd had been a member of the American Communist Party back in the 1930s and 1940s.

She had converted back to Roman Catholicism in the early 1950s (she had been Catholic in her childhood and her youth) after taking classes from then Monsignor Fulton J. Sheen (a notable Roman Catholic preacher on both radio and television).

Bella Dodd had told Sheen about how she had been given an assignment by Joseph Stalin himself back in the 1930s.

Stalin had a plan to destroy the Catholic Church by getting Communists to infiltrate their seminaries and becoming priests and eventually bishops and hopefully even Cardinals.

Dodd was asked to recruit Communist men for Catholic seminaries in the U.S.

She was told by her Soviet handler to get men who were not only Communist but homosexual as well since men with those sexual proclivities had been found to be very useful to the Communist cause in terms of infiltration and espionage.

Seeing as how Bella Dodd was an extremely attractive woman when she was younger, she should have no trouble determining which potential recruits were indeed homosexual.

A lot of Dodd’s recruits were ordained by Francis Spellman who was Archbishop of New York from 1939 until his death in 1967.

Spellman who was homosexual himself (although not a Communist) needless to say showed a surprising affection for Dodd’s recruits (although he did not know they were Dodd’s recruits).

From Spellman’s patronage, a lot of these homosexual recruits formed a sort of Spellman Apostolic Succession in the U.S. Catholic Church becoming leading priests, bishops and cardinals.

The successors of Spellman’s pink affections for closet reds make up a large proportion of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops today.

A lot of these original Dodd recruits and the men they recruited had sexual proclivities not only gay but in particular a hankering for altar boys and young seminarians.

The most notorious of which was the Communist homosexual Theodore (ex-Cardinal) McCarrick who negotiated the pact signed between the Vatican and Xi’s Communist China that sold out the Underground Catholic Church in China telling those worshippers to place themselves under Xi’s state controlled church.

In addition to selling out China’s underground Catholics, McCarrick also buggered several altar boys and seminarians during the course of his long undistinguished ecclesiastical career.

McCarrick, who had been under Pope Francis’ personal protection, was only finally reprimanded and laicized when his crimes became public.

Of course if you’re a devout Chinese Catholic woman, you’ll earn yourself a very violent slap on the hand from Pope Francis right in public if you wish to discuss the persecution (that Catholics in China are still facing) with the pontiff while you’re waiting in a public audience line.

The next day the so-called Successor of Peter would mention how abhorrent violence against women is.

Yet another example of the Neo-Bolshevik Francis’ “do as I say not as I do” attitude.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Tuesday January 7th
2020.


Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom had many men ogling her when she visited New York City in the early 1950s.
Save of course for New York’s Francis Cardinal Spellman who was ogling the man directly behind her.

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Yaldabaoth In Trinidad

December 27, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth In Trinidad

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was spending his Christmas vacation on the Caribbean island of Trinidad.

After visiting a small Christmas market in Dublin earlier this month, he had bought himself an old LP record of The Andrews Sisters.

He particularly enjoyed their song Rum and Coca-Cola whose lyrics included these words:

If you ever go down Trinidad
They make you feel so very glad
Calypso sing and make up rhyme
Guarantee you one real good fine time…

Yaldabaoth was so impressed, he immediately booked a trip to Trinidad.

Now he sat on a nice warm sandy beach in Trinidad drinking a dozen rums and coca-colas under his beach umbrella.

“You’re Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun aren’t you?” Asked the Norse trickster god Loki as he set up a beach umbrella about six feet away from Yaldabaoth.

“I am,” the leprechaun nodded as he sipped one of his many rums and coca-colas, “but my mother Sophia the Gnostic Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom tells people that I’m the creator of the physical material universe. She doesn’t have the heart to say that I’m a sobriety challenged leprechaun.”

“Have you ever thought of joining Alcoholics Anonymous?” Loki asked as he finally managed to get his beach umbrella in the right place.

“Never,” Yaldabaoth answered as he ordered another dozen rums and coca-colas from the waitress.

“I’m the Norse god Loki,” the trickster god put on his sunglasses, “I’m tired of freezing my nuts off in the Jotunheim Mountains waiting for the Battle of Ragnarok to begin while Odin strolls around playing reindeer games with Rudolphus the Fire-Breathing Reindeer. So I’m here in warmer climes.”

Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin was announcing the launch of the new Avangard hypersonic missile system.

As he pushed the button to signal the start of the test, he announced, “I know for a fact that Donald Trump doesn’t have one of these,” as the Russian leader held his right hand down the front of his trousers.

“I wonder how he knows for a fact that Donald Trump doesn’t have one of these,” a Russian Army General muttered under his breath.

Sadly for the Russian General however, he didn’t mutter it under his breath quite low enough.

Putin overheard the remark.

Within minutes, the General found himself being abducted by mask clad Russian commandos and taken to a remote island in the Arctic Circle where a number of Russian Opposition party members suddenly found themselves this past week.

Back in Trinidad, Loki was bending over on the Trinidadian sandy beach to once again get his beach umbrella back in place to his liking.

Loki’s derrière made a tempting sight for the new Russian Avangard hypersonic missile approaching travelling at 27 times the speed of sound.

Loki soon found himself tens of thousands of miles away from that beach umbrella.

One of Pope Francis’ numerous homosexual Cardinals, who was currently celebrating Christmas down in Trinidad, arrived on the scene.

“Gosh,” the Cardinal sighed, “If I had been on the beach only half an hour earlier, I might have been the one who claimed this spot. I might have been the one bending over at the time that divinely shaped object arrived. I could have been the one carried all the way to Wonderland in my rear end.”

Meanwhile Loki was boldly going where no trickster god had gone before.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 27th
2019.

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Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses

November 8, 2019 at 11:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses 

Back on Monday October 28th 2019 the day after the Vatican’s Amazon Synod ended, Pope Francis had a meeting with U2 singer Bono and economist Jeffrey Sachs.

At the meeting, Pope Francis’ Vatican and the United Nations signed a pact on sustainable development and global governance by the year 2030.

During that meeting, Pope Francis also gave Bono a planter of some grasses and soil that had been used to invoke the ancient Inca Earth Mother goddess Pachamama at a special ceremony in the Vatican Gardens back on October 4th before the Amazon Synod began.

The same planter of grasses and soil had been given to Pope Francis along with the Communion bread and wine as gifts to be presented on the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica for the closing Mass of the Amazon Synod on October 27th.

Now the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil had been given to Bono by Pope Francis.

But none of this was known to or of any concern to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was walking through the Irish countryside on this Friday evening singing,

“You think she was Queen of the land 
and her hair hung over her shoulders
all tied up with a black velvet band…”

As he walked down the road, he ran into a cow he knew called Daisy Daily.

“Moo!” Daisy greeted him.

“Hello, Daisy,” Yaldabaoth doffed his hat, “You’re a long way from Farmer Riley’s farm.”

“Moo!” Daisy answered him.

“You’re looking for something to eat eh?” Yaldabaoth scratched his head and took a nip from a bottle of Irish whiskey, “Well, I think Bono the U2 singer has his estate somewhere near here. Let’s go see if he has anything to eat at his place.”

Leprechaun and cow headed off down the road to the Bono estate.

Yaldabaoth rang the doorbell of the great house which was promptly answered by Higgins who was Bono’s butler and valet.

“Hello, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth likewise doffed his hat to the butler, “My friend Daisy Daily was looking for something to eat and we were wondering if you could give her something.”

“Well…” Higgins said.

“Moo!” Daisy walked into the house and walked over to the sitting room window where the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil was located.

“Moo!” Daisy proclaimed before eating all the grasses.

The cow then got into the punch bowl on the sitting room table and drank all the punch.

“There’s about 40 litres of alcohol in that punch,” Higgins said.

“Well, not anymore,” Yaldabaoth remarked, “It’s in Daisy now.”

A now inebriated Daisy knocked over the planter of Pachamama soil with her tail.

“I apologize, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth opened the closet door and grabbed the vacuum cleaner, “let me vacuum that up for you.”

The leprechaun then vacuumed up all the dirt.

“That was sacred soil I was told,” Higgins’ hair had turned white.

“Now mixed in with sacred potato chip bits and sacred chocolate bar wrappers,” Yaldabaoth emptied the contents of the vacuum cleaner down the estate’s garbage chute.

“I wonder what Bono will say?” Higgins shook his head.

“Probably I still haven’t found what I’m looking for if he decides to go through the garbage,” Yaldabaoth directed Daisy Daily out the front door where leprechaun and cow headed back to Farmer Riley’s farm.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 8th
2019.

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Asmodeus In Rome On Saint Raphael’s Day

October 24, 2019 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Asmodeus In Rome On Saint Raphael’s Day 

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a Rome taverna and enjoying a glass of absinthe with the little green frog Nimrod (who had been a mighty hunter back in the day of the Old Testament Book of Genesis).

The TV in the taverna was on and the news was being read,

“In Britain, Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering has been placed in charge of the investigation to find the human trafficking gang responsible for the deaths of 39 migrants who had been found frozen to death in a refrigerator truck that was parked in an industrial area in Essex…”

“I wonder what will happen to the human traffickers when Renfield gets his hands on them?” Nimrod asked.

“I imagine from what I’ve heard of Renfield’s reputation,” Asmodeus lit his 10,000th cigarette of the day, “they will die a slow painful death by bodily dismemberment.”

“I suppose that’s why Renfield is considered the inspiration for the character of Raymond Red Reddington on The Blacklist TV show,” Nimrod licked up absinthe from his glass with his long tongue.

“I imagine,” Asmodeus agreed as he sipped his absinthe.

“In other news,” the announcer on the TV went on, “Pope Francis dove into the Tiber River today when he spotted what he thought were Pachamama idols floating by. The idols had been thrown off the bridge into the Tiber River on Monday…”

“I wonder if Pope Francis knows how to swim,” Nimrod finished his absinthe.

“Don’t know,” Asmodeus shrugged as he motioned for the waiter to bring another couple of glasses of absinthe.

A girl walked by the window wearing a Saint Raphael medal around her neck.

“Great balls of fire,” Asmodeus turned pale and made a reverse Sign of the Cross.

“What is it?” Nimrod inquired.

“That woman was wearing a Saint Raphael medal,” Asmodeus answered.

“Si, signor,” the waiter said as he put down the glasses of absinthe, “today is Saint Raphael’s Day on the old Roman Rite Latin calendar.”

“What have you got against Saint Raphael?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus when the waiter departed.

“Well over 2 millennia and a half ago, when I had the hots for a young Hebrew maiden named Sarah so much so that I murdered 7 of her husbands on the night their marriages to her were supposed to be consummated,” Asmodeus explained, “The Archangel Raphael befriended a young Hebrew man named Tobias and helped him get engaged to Sarah. The awful smell of a fish’s liver and heart being burnt and its fumes drove me away when I tried to attack Tobias on their wedding night. The smell was so bad, I fled from Media (where Sarah lived) all the way to Upper Egypt where Raphael followed me, bound me and buried me. I lay bound and buried for several centuries until an intoxicated Irish leprechaun named Yaldabaoth accidentally released me while he was visiting his mother Sophia in Egypt.”

“I can see why you’re not very happy with Raphael,” Nimrod nodded.

Meanwhile in another part of Rome, the Greek goddess Artemis rang the doorbell of a Vatican Cardinal’s apartment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 24th
2019.

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