Kwan Yin and The Goldfish

January 8, 2021 at 11:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


The immortal princess Kwan Yin in the middle of a goldfish pond in a Thai garden complex

The immortal princess Kwan Yin (who was venerated as the goddess of mercy within certain branches of Buddhism) sat in the middle of a goldfish pond in a Thai garden complex.

The goldfish in this pond were likewise immortal.

In fact they had been in various ponds and various fountains all over the world throughout their long lives having been sent there by the monks who owned the garden complex.

But always they eventually returned home to this goldfish pond in this garden complex owned by a group of Thai monks.

One of the places they stayed was the Nephthys Hotel in Cairo.

They had stayed in the hotel fountain lobby from 1949 to 1953.

When they retuned home to this Thai garden complex pond, the biggest of the gold fish vomited forth a skeleton.

The skeleton remained unidentified for years until they cracked the human genetic code in the late 1990s and the early 2000s.

And after DNA tests were done on the skeleton, it was determined that the skeleton belonged to a British businessman who had disappeared at the hotel back in 1949.

On this occasion in the year 2021, one of the goldfish in the pond jumped up on the fountain step in the middle of the pond where the princess Kwan Yin was sitting and after doing a voice impersonation of actor Humphrey Bogart coughed up a very old matchbook.

Of the variety that were once given out in restaurants, bars, lounges, pubs and nightclubs all over the globe during the days and nights and years and decades when cigarette smoking was allowed in public in most places.

People in those days and nights and years and decades often collected these matchbooks (with their matches inside) as souvenirs.

Because the matchbook usually had on its cover the name and logo of the establishment that was handing out the matchbook (usually for free to paying customers who bought food and drink from the establishment) as well as the name of the town or city and country where the establishment was located.

This matchbook had the name Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub Cairo Egypt on it as well as what was presumably the club’s logo.

Kwan Yin opened up the matchbook and discovered written on the inside slip (across from the place where the matches were lined up) the name Asherah as well as the words juniper, cucumber and damask rose which were said to be the ingredients used in resurrecting a leprechaun from the dead or so the matchbook’s previous owner had once written.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 8th
2021

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Carson Cody Albion Meets Princess Arabella

January 4, 2021 at 11:52 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


The world famous belly dancer Princess Arabella in Cairo Egypt in 1949

Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion was spending his holidays in Egypt.

After seeing the pyramids and sailing along the Nile, Albion returned to Cairo.

In his hotel lobby, a thorougly inebriated British businessman told Albion he should go to the Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub and see the belly dancer Princess Arabella.

“Is she a real princess?” Albion asked as he lit himself a cigarette.

“She has no royal blood in her,” the businessman explained, “but she definitely is a princess of dance.”

The businessman then fell face forward into the lobby fountain where he was swallowed by a giant goldfish.

“That’s the seventh time this week that’s happened to one of our hotel guests,” the hotel manager pulled his hair out.

Albion walked down to the Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub to see Princess Arabella as the dancer was called.

He very much enjoyed her show.

Afterwards he walked backstage to her dressing room:

“Did you enjoy the show, Mr. Albion?” She asked him as she smiled.

“You’ve heard of me?” Albion was surprised.

“Carson Cody Albion,” the Princess enunciated each one of his names very carefully, “The Egyptian goddess Isis spoke of you as did the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis and Semiramis the Queen of Babylon”.

“You seem to get around in divine and semi-divine circles,” Albion lit a cigarette and adjusted his private eye fedora hat atop his head.

“I’m not really a princess,” she smiled.

“So I was told by a thoroughly inebriated pinnacle of British commerce and trade prior to his being swallowed by a goldfish,” Albion blew smoke rings.

“I’m a goddess,” she lay back on her chair.

“I would agree with that epithet,” Albion gazed down appreciately at her.

“The goddess Asherah,” she laughed.

“I’ll have to look up that name in my mythology encyclopedia when I get back to LA,” Albion wrote down her name on his matchbook that had the logo and the name for Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub.

“Why don’t you look me up here while you have the chance?” She walked over to her dressing room couch and lay back on it.

“I like your quick action style of thinking,” Albion took off his fedora and raincoat.

“Well let’s hope you’re a quick action man who takes it nice and slow when it comes to the most important part,” she licked her lips.

“Your Divine Essence,” one of the nightclub waiters entered her dressing room, “one of our guests Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun seems to have choked to death while eating our world famous Alexandrian mollusks. What are we to do?”.

“Alexandrian mollusks are one of a few things that’s positively fatal to normally immortal leprechauns,” Asherah/Arabella, who had read the Irish High King Brian Boru’s Medieval Treatise On Leprechaun Ailments, remarked.

“Is there anything we can do to resurrect him and bring him back from the dead?” The waiter asked, “Having an Irish leprechaun die on the premises will bring bad publicity and be bad for business. The assistant manager has already impaled himself in shame on the spear of the statue of Vlad the Impaler that the bazaar sculptor is working on in his bazaar workshop tent.”

“Giving him a mixture of juniper, cucumber and damask rose is guaranteed to bring a leprechaun back from the dead,” Asherah/Arabella smiled, “or so Asclepius told me just before the Greek god Zeus killed him with a thunderbolt.”

Albion wrote down that remedy for resurrection of leprechauns in his souvenir Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub matchbook just on the off chance it might be needed someday.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 4th
2021.

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Lilith In The Graveyard Garden of Good and Evil

January 3, 2021 at 11:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in the graveyard garden of good and evil

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing another one of his Sunday night podcasts:

“Just an important historical note of interest, which if shown to be correct, will be noted by future historians.
Here’s the gist:
A final political showdown is coming January 6th as the U.S. Congress meets to elect CCP stooge Joe Biden as President.
The 1st American Civil War began on April 12th 1861 just 13 days after the previous Easter Sunday (March 31st 1861).
Will the 2nd American Civil War begin on January 7th 2021 just 13 days after the previous Christmas Day?
History has a strange way of balancing itself out in such occurrences.”
-Renfield R. Renfield British MP

. . .

The body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was rushed from Dublin Ireland to London England by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis powered dirigible airship the High Calypso.

It was assumed that the cause of Yaldabaoth’s death was the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka wearing a killer outfit.

However after an operation carried out by a surgical suit wearing Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster wearing a surgical mask and using his surgical gloved lobster claws to perform an incision, it was determined that the cause of death was Yaldabaoth’s eating poisoned lutefisk.

After a quick check of the Irish High King Brian Boru’s Medieval Treatise On Leprechaun Ailments (a copy of which was found in the billionaire vampire Set’s library and rare book collection), apparently eating poisoned lutefisk was one of the few things that could kill a usually immortal leprechaun.

After visualizing London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes wearing a killer outfit (which caused his lobster tank to explode), Michelangelo went into a trance and saw the circumstances which led to Yaldabaoth’s death.

Apparently after visiting the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, Yaldabaoth had gone to Rome to see the Vatican’s ugly looking Nativity display (which was put up to welcome the arrival of an alien ET saviour who graduated with a degree in New York School of Art Abstract Surrealist and Neo-Modernist Studies).

After barfing all over the Vatican Nativity display, Yaldabaoth then wandered the halls of the Vatican.

At first he thought he had entered a gay bath house but after viewing classical and Renaissance works of art in the halls and on the walls, the wee leprechaun deduced that he was indeed inside the Vatican.

Yaldabaoth went into a room where some Vatican Cardinals had prepared a New Year’s Day feast for their fellow cardinal Robert Cardinal Sarah of Guinea the prefect of the Vatican Congregation For Divine Worship and The Discipline of the Sacraments.

The feast, which consisted of large portions of poisoned Norwegian lutefisk, had been made by a group of atheistic Marxist Cardinals hoping to bump off Cardinal Robert Sarah who was a devout Catholic Christian.

Yaldabaoth, who was starting to feel hungry after having previously barfed all over the Vatican’s Nativity display, then proceeded to eat up all the poisoned lutefisk.

And in so doing saved Robert Cardinal Sarah’s life.

. . .


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith next to Edgar Allan Poe’s grave in the cemetery of the Westminster Presbyterian Church in Baltimore Maryland

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was kneeling in the cemetery of the Westminster Presbyterian Church in Baltimore, Maryland.

She was kneeling in front of Edgar Allan Poe’s grave.

A group of mischievous Irish leprecauns living in Baltimore had put up Irish Celtic crosses atop Poe’s grave and graves next to it that would have caused the Ulster Irish Presbyterian pastor Rev. Ian Paisley of Belfast Northern Ireland to pull his hair out if he had still been alive and seen it.

It was a moonlit night in Baltimore, as billionaire Elon Musk who had just built himself an artificial moon and was giving a full moon trial test run over Baltimore on this lovely windswept evening, and so the moonlight shone down on top of Lilith in front of Poe’s burial place.

The artificial full moonlight of Elon Musk’s artificial moon was causing mysterious looking red roses to grow all over the cemetery.

A raven flew down atop Poe’s gravemarker and croaked “Nevermore”.

Indeed it would be the last time the Raven would croak Nevermore for he croaked shortly thereafter.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 3rd
2021.

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Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka Meets Yaldabaoth The Irish Leprechaun

January 2, 2021 at 11:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka In Dublin

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka had taken one of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis powered dirigible airships -this one called the High Calypso- from London England to Dublin Ireland.

They were going to meet Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

What brought the meeting about was that Dracul had heard from Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol that the plans of the Egyptian god Osiris, his son Horus, George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab for a One World government were locked inside the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo.

They could break into the Bank of Monte Carlo vault but to do that they’d need the advice of two people Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones who played two master thieves in the 1999 movie Entrapment where they stole $8 billion dollars from the International Clearance Bank in the North Tower of the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Sadly however actor Sean Connery had passed away last year and not so sadly actress Catherine Zeta-Jones was very busy keeping actor Michael Douglas very happy indeed.

However after consulting a crystal ball (which was actually a snow globe showing Lucy meeting the faun Mr. Tumnus carrying an umbrella and wrapped Christmas presents in the snowy woods of the land of Narnia), Whitstable had a vision that Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun knew the combination to the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo.

After phoning Yaldabaoth, Whitstable discovered that was indeed the case.

So now, Dracul Van Helsing and the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka were at their rendezvous location in Dublin where they would be presented by Yaldabaoth with the combination to the Bank of Monte Carlo vault.

The combination number would be inside a fortune cookie slip inside a Chinese fortune cookie that Yaldabaoth would give to them along with a take out order of Guinness soaked sweet and sour spareribs.


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka: Wearing a killer outfit.

When Yaldabaoth saw Tanaka, the first thing he said was, “Wow. That’s really a killer outfit you’re wearing.”

He then keeled over and fell to the ground sending both the fortune cookie and the take out order of Guinness soaked sweet and sour spareribs flying.

Dracul immediately rushed over and felt Yaldabaoth’s pulse.

He then looked up at Tanaka, “Wow. That really must be a killer outfit you’re wearing. He’s dead.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 2nd
2021.

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Halloween 2020

October 31, 2020 at 10:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Cerberus sat on river banks intersecting the Rivers Styx and Acheron.

He was waiting for Charon’s ferry to arrive carrying the souls of the recently departed.

From there the souls would either go to the Asphodel Meadows (where indifferent souls- those who did not commit any significant crimes but at the same time did not achieve any greatness in their deeds- go), the Elysian Fields or Elysium (where the pure and righteous souls go) and then there was Tartarus (where great evil doers among supernatural entities and mortal humans go).

Paradise (where the Church Expectant was located) was between the Asphodel Meadows and Elysium.

Purgatory (where the Church Suffering was located) was between the Asphodel Meadows and Tartarus.

Tartarus of course was where the damned were located.

Away from the realm of the Underworld far far far above was Heaven where God the Father resided.

There the Saints (the Church Triumphant) were located.

Jesus Christ and His Mother the Virgin Mary resided in Heaven but paid many visits to both Paradise and Purgatory.

They never visited Tartarus.

The ferry pulled up to shore and Cerberus looked at his list of passengers for this voyage.

A very distinguished looking man got off the ship and said, “The name is Connery. Sean… Connery.”

Cerberus looked at the list and said to Sean Connery, “You’re lucky, Mr. Connery. No Tartarus for you.”

It was a statement Cerberus rarely made to politicians after they had kicked the bucket.

And speaking of possible potential clients for Tartarus, Hunter Biden was reflecting back on some of the sex videos that were on his laptop that he had forgotten to pick up from a computer repair shop and which was now in the hands of the FBI.

One of the videos showed Hunter opening his door to a member of an escort service (which was at least better than his having sexual relations with underaged girls which was the case with a lot of the videos shot over in the People’s Republic of China).

Hunter invited the woman in and to get himself in the mood, he watched a couple of porn videos with the escort.

The first video they watched showed a Catholic clergyman having a sex orgy with a whole bunch of women in his church.

The video appeared to be a real amateur shot video and not a professional porn production.

Since the clergyman was doing it with adult women and not altar boys or young seminarians, he was obviously not a member of the Theodore McCarrick branch of the American Catholic Church.

The second video Hunter and the escort watched showed a man raping a young woman in the back seat of a car.

After watching the two videos, Hunter then was sufficiently aroused enough to get it on with the escort.

Hunter smiled as he thought back on the memory.

And to think in a few days’ time, his father could become the President of the United States of America.

Meanwhile in Beijing the capital of Communist China, the nation’s paramount leader Xi Jinping sat at his desk grinning like a Cheshire cat.

And in the village of Sleepy Hollow in New York, Tiffany Twisted the immortal witch of Hotel California fame was confessing to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun that she had fallen in love with him.

“And is that such a bad thing?” Yaldabaoth asked as he drank his 99th Guinness of the evening.

“The thing is your half-brother hired me to kill you,” Tiffany shed tears, “and now I can’t do it.”

And having said that, the immortal witch Tiffany Twisted then vanished into the flames of the room’s fireplace behind her.

“Who’s your half-brother?” Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow asked the leprechaun after Yaldabaoth had told him the sad tale.

“To my infinite shame and disgrace the demon Baphomet,” Yaldabaoth hung his head.

“The demon Baphomet?” The Headless Horseman was shocked.

“Yes, many centuries ago my mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom made out with Pan the Greek satyr god and she gave birth to a demon as a result,” Yaldabaoth opened his hundredth can of Guinness.

Meanwhile at a Joe Biden campaign rally, the demons Baal and Baphomet stood on either side of a campaign sign behind Joe that read, FOR THE SOUL OF A NATION.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 31st
2020.

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Communist Rag Atlantic Monthly, Pope Francis, Yaldabaoth and Sophia

October 22, 2020 at 10:46 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The innkeeper of Sleepy Hollow’s Rip Van Winkle Inn (who happened to be the former proprietor of the mysterious Hotel California made famous in an Eagles song) was listening to the local Sleepy Hollow radio station on the radio.

The station was playing a quote from the United Kingdom’s most controversial Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield.

Said Renfield, “It should come as no surprise that America’s most pretentiously snobbish Communist rag The Atlantic Monthly magazine is doing a hatchet job on those Catholics who think that Joe Biden is a phony Catholic and that Pope Francis is a heretic. The best that the Atlantic Monthly can be used for is as a substitute for toilet paper when you run out.”

The innkeeper who realized that he had indeed run out of toilet paper grabbed the latest issue of The Atlantic Monthly and proceeded to his own private washroom.

When he returned, he said to himself, “I hope I won’t have to call the plumber to unplug that toilet. That Atlantic Monthly really seemed to be full of it.”

He noticed his guest Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had left his smart phone on top of the inn’s front desk.

There was a photo on it:

“Wow, is she ever hot,” the Innkeeper looked at the pic.

Yaldabaoth came running down the stairs in search of his smart phone.

“Is that a picture of your girlfriend?” The innkeeper asked.

“No, my mother,” Yaldabaoth answered.

“But she doesn’t look a day over 30,” the innkeeper protested.

“Because she’s a goddess,” Yaldabaoth explained, “She’s Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom.”

“Wow, now I know why your name Yaldabaoth sounds so familiar,” a lightbulb went on over the Innkeeper’s head which was a sure indication that the village electrician had restored the Inn’s electricity, “It’s mentioned in some ancient Gnostic texts that Sophia gave birth to Yaldabaoth. But I thought you were supposed to be the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.”

“Well, like most mothers, my mother has a tendency to exaggerate about her children,” Yaldabaoth explained, “It was far more impressive sounding to tell people that she had a son who was the Demi-Urge that created the material physical universe than to tell people that she had a son who was a drunken alcoholic leprecaun. People might have been impressed by the leprechaun part but definitely not the drunken alcoholic part.”

“You have a point there,” the Innkeeper admitted.

Indeed Yaldabaoth who had taken off his wee leprechaun hat was sporting a very large bump on his head.

It was caused by the boys of the village of Sleepy Hollow who were using the Headless Horseman’s pumpkin head as a substitute ball in a rather nasty game of Dodgeball.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 22nd
2020.

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Dinner At Tiffany’s: Leprechaun of The Dance

October 16, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Tiffany Twisted: Formerly the sensuous witch of the Hotel California
and now the sensuous witch of Sleepy Hollow

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had been invited to dinner in the Inn room across the hall from his own.

The room that had been rented to one Tiffany Twisted.

Yaldabaoth bathed, showered and shaved.

Then he put on his Irish Spring Mist of The River Shannon aftershave cologne followed by his best green tuxedo and little green bow tie.

Then he walked out the door.

Bucephalus Reborn the walking, talking and dancing zombie black horse thought to himself, “I wonder if I should have told him he forgot to put his trousers on.”

A thought with which Joe Biden campaign staffers were quite familiar with when it came to their own candidate.

Yaldabaoth knocked on the door.

“Come in, Yaldabaoth,” the sensuous voice of Tiffany Twisted beckoned.

Yaldabaoth opened the door and saw this vision:

“Wow, do you ever look hot,” Yaldabaoth felt like President Teddy Roosevelt at this very moment.

“I see you came prepared,” Tiffany smiled like the siren laced rocks of the eastern Mediterranean.

Yaldabaoth looked down and his face turned red, “Faith and begorrah, I seem to have forgotten my trousers.”

He grabbed a copy of James Joyce’s Ulysses off the room’s bookshelf and held it in front of his shamrock deco decorated underwear.

“It’s all right, Yaldabaoth,” she smiled like dawn rising over the hill of Tara, “I like a leprechaun who knows what he wants.”

Tiffany dimmed the lights and started lighting candles.

In the background could be heard Cher’s voice singing on an old 45,

Dark lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one
Danced to her gypsy music till her brew was done
Dark lady played back magic till the clock struck on the twelve
She told me more about me than I knew myself.

When the candles were lit, Tiffany and Yaldabaoth drank red wine and ate a Guinness laced Irish potato casserole.

For dessert, they had pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top.

“I hope this pie wasn’t made with my friend Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden’s head,” Yaldabaoth commented as he licked the whipped cream off Tiffany’s toes.

His newly formed acquaintance Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden was the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and had a pumpkin jack o’ lantern for a head.

“It wasn’t,” Tiffany assurred him with tender kisses.

The clock was approaching 12.

“Let’s dance,” Tiffany put on her record player again.

Tiffany reached for Yaldabaoth’s lucky shamrock.

The voice on the record sang,

I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash, he did the monster mash
The monster mash, it was a graveyard smash
He did the mash, it caught on in a flash
He did the mash, he did the monster mash

At that moment the Headless Horseman walked in unaware that he was entering the wrong room.

When he saw what the leprechaun and the sensuous witch were doing, he screamed, “I’m blind. I’m blind.”

He turned out into the hall, ran down the stairs, tripped over his feet, landed on the floor and his pumpkin head came off and rolled towards the grandfather clock that was just starting to strike 12.

“Mercy,” the innkeeper muttered at the front desk, “This never happened at the Hotel California.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 16th
2020.

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Yaldabaoth Meets Tiffany Twisted

October 15, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was having breakfast along with his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and his singing, talking and dancing zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn in the small dining room of The Rip Van Winkle Inn.

Sitting across from them was a brain dead zombie “woke” and “culture cancelling” white liberal “yute” (which is the lawyer Cousin Vinnyish dialect pronounciation of the word “youth”).

The “woke” brain dead zombie “yute” was on holidays.

He had spent most of the summer rioting, looting, burning and vandalizing in the city of Portland Oregon in what Michelle Obama and the mainstream Marxist media call “peaceful protests”.

Now he decided to come to Sleepy Hollow in New York because he had always wanted to spend Halloween in Sleepy Hollow.

He wore a BLACK LIVES MATTER t-shirt.

Although that message obviously didn’t apply to cats since he had run over a black cat on the highway to get here.

The “woke” brain dead zombie “yute” was busy yacking away to his airheaded girlfriend (who had picked him up from the court house in Portland after the elected liberal Democrat Marxist inclined county prosecuter had dropped criminal charges against him for the umpteenth time these past few months).

“What books do you like to read?” He asked her.

“Well, I’m trying to start reading Harry Potter,” The airhead replied.

“Harry Potter?” The brain-dead zombie “woke” “yute” dropped his fork, “Don’t you know that J.K. Rowling is a bigot and a promoter of hatred for saying that a transgendered man shouldn’t be treated the same as a biologically born female?”.

“Excuse me, young fellow,” Yaldabaoth doffed his little green leprechaun hat to the “woke” “yute” and spoke politely in a soft Irish lilt, “But I happen to think you’re a stupid brainless asshole.”

“What?” The “woke” “yute” blinked, “You just called me a stupid brainless asshole.”

“That’s right,” Yaldabaoth grinned and nodded and then turned serious, “In my own home country of Ireland, there’s a case going on at the moment involving a trans who calls himself/herself/itself Barbie Kardashian. He was born Alejandro Gabriel Gentile but decided some years back that he was actually a woman in a man’s body. He’s currently 18 years old but already has a long history of violent and sexual assaults against women. Specifically against his female care home and social workers including a brutal 2018 attack on a woman whose eyes he tried to gouge out. Now he’s once again in jail on sexual assault charges. But the Limerick District Court operating under the European Union’s politically correct Human Rights Code is ordering him held at the Limerick County Women’s Prison since he self identifies as a woman. So you’ve now got a man with a long history of violence and sexual assault against women being locked up in a female only space. And all because the courts are following the suffocating totalitarian atmosophere of political correctness advocated by brain dead zombie “woke” “yute” SJWs (social justice warriors) assholes such as yourself instead of the common sense and logic advocated by great thinkers and great writers such as J.K. Rowling.”

Having been called a brain dead zombie “woke” “yute” asshole, the “woke” “yute”” asshole then crawled on to the floor into the fetal position which is exactly what an Antifa/BLM white liberal “yute” leader did when he found himself being arrested for the first time in Kenosha Wisconsin for “peacefuly rioting” as he had never been arrested in other American cities before for “peaceful rioting”.

The innkeeper whispered to Yaldabaoth, “Tiffany Twisted the woman who’s renting the room across from you would like to meet you.”

Yaldabaoth went upstairs and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Tiffany said in a soft sensual voice.

Yaldabaoth opened the door and came face to face with Tiffany Twisted.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 15th
2020.

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It’s The Great Pumpkin, Headless Horseman!

October 11, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The talking and singing black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius were in Sleepy Hollow having hoped to meet the Great Pumpkin this past Friday night.

Sadly the Great Pumpkin was held up at the U.S. border by ICE officials.

He was put into a cage and had to undergo a test for Covid-19.

Dr. Anthony Fauci was brought in to conduct the test himself.

Dr. Fauci determined that the Great Pumpkin was indeed positive for Covid-19.

However due to the large amount of crying and wailing children outside the ICE compound on the Ontario-New York Canada-U.S.border, 100 doctors from the Center For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia were brought in to test the Great Pumpkin.

All 100 doctors determined that the Great Pumpkin was negative for Covid-19.

ICE decided to release the Great Pumpkin on this night October 11th.

The Great Pumpkin then headed south to the village of Sleepy Hollow.

Last evening October 10th as they were in their room in the Rip Van Winkle Inn, the 4 visitors to Sleepy Hollow mentioned in the first paragraph watched on their room’s TV set an interview between the ghost of TV talk show host Merv Griffin and the ghost of noted writer, director and actor Orson Welles which was being shown on the Paranormal Channel.

Yesterday October 10th 2020 was the 35th anniversary of the death of Orson Welles (Welles having died on October 10th 1985).

Welles’ ghost was currently serving as an advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Winston Churchill.

When the interview was over, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun turned the TV off and phoned downstairs to the front desk asking for a specific brand of rum.

The innkeeper replied, “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1999.”

An artist called Prince who was formerly the artist formerly known as Prince had apparently drank the last bottle at 10 minutes to midnight on the New Year’s Eve just before the advent of the year 2000.

Meanwhile on the radio a well-known female porn star was singing that old Bryan Adams hit Summer of ’69.

Buchephalus Reborn had grabbed an old geographical atlas off the room’s bookshelf and lay on the floor trying to locate the Hotel California on a map.

Outside the window could be seen a horde of eagles circling the inn.

Such was last night the evening of October 10th 2020.

Tonight October 11th 2020 the four were walking towards the Sleepy Hollow pumpkin patch where the Great Pumpkin was putting in an appearance (hopefully).

They walked past the cemetery where schoolteacher Ichabod Crane was buried.

As they walked past the cemetery, the horse Bucephalus Reborn started whistling the tune to an old Irish folk song Whistling Gypsy.

Yaldabaoth began to sing,

The whistling gypsy came over the hill
Down to the valley so shady;
He whistled and he sang
Till the green woods rang
And he won the heart of a lady.


The woman whose heart Yaldabaoth won and would be waiting for him on his bed in the room when they got back to the inn.

They soon arrived at the pumpkin patch.

As spooky music played on an abandoned church organ not far from the pumpkin patch, the Great Pumpkin rose above all the other pumpkins and said,

I am the Great Pumpkin
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
and for the day confined to fast in fires
Till all the weight gained by eating me
Is burnt and purged away.

With that Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow grabbed the Great Pumpkin.

And Buchephalus Reborn grabbed a tube of Crazy Glue.

When his hooves removed the top off the tube of Crazy Glue, the horse asked, “Why do I feel the spirits of my relatives around me?”.

The horse then glued the Great Pumpkin to the top of the Headless Horseman’s body between his shoulders.

“Woe is me!” Were the Great Pumpkin’s last words before succumbing to the consciousness of Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.

U.S. Postal Service employee Norman Newman who had been wandering around Sleepy Hollow hopelessly lost the past couple of days came over when he heard the cry “Woe is me!”.

He handed the Headless Horseman a lettered envelope addressed to JOHNNY WO, SLEEPY HOLLOW.

The letter was postmarked UNCLE ERNIE’S PLACE, SOMEWHERE DOWN UNDER, AUSTRALIA.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 11th
2020.

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The Headless Horseman In Pumpkin Country

October 9, 2020 at 10:39 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow had been without a head ever since his pumpkin head had been ripped off during the course of a discount sale on pumpkin spice lattes in Ravenna a few weeks ago.

He sat in a cafe in Rome, Italy alongside his black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn.

Bucephalus was entertaining the customers by singing a song from an old 1950s television show,

“Mr. Ed the talking horse
of course, of course, of course…”

Bucephalus then stopped to add bushels of sugar to his giant cup of tea.

On the radio, a news story was unfolding:

Joseph Cardinal Zen of Hong Kong has called Vatican Secretary of State Pietro Parolin a liar over the Vatican-China Agreement that the Vatican hopes to renew with Communist China by next month.
Said Cardinal Zen, “Parolin knows that he is lying. He knows that I know he is a liar, he knows that I will tell everyone he is a liar…”

The newscaster then said, “We tried to find a politician anywhere in the world who would back up Cardinal Zen’s claim that Cardinal Parolin is a liar.
The only one we could find is British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”

Voice of Renfield: Cardinal Zen is absolutely right. Cardinal Parolin is a liar.

The Headless Horseman then remarked to Bucephalus Reborn, “Pope Francis is not very happy with that Englishman Renfield.”

The horse responded while sipping his tea, “Of course, of course, of course.”

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom then entered the cafe and noticed the Headless Horseman was looking very forlorn without his head attached to his shoulders.

She asked him what was up.

The Headless Horseman then explained the situation.

“Too bad your pumpkin head was ripped off,” Sophia stated sympathetically as she ordered a slice of pumpkin pie from the waiter, “I suppose you’re looking for a new pumpkin to replace it.”

“I am,” the Headless Horseman nodded without a head which was quite an accomplishment in itself.

“I hear the Great Pumpkin of Charlie Brown Peanuts fame is visiting your hometown of Sleepy Hollow tonight,” Sophia licked the whipped cream off her slice of pumpkin pie.

“Too bad I’m thousands of miles from Sleepy Hollow,” the Headless Horseman sighed.

“Of course, of course, of course,” Buchephalus nodded.

Sophia then phoned her son Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun.

Yaldabaoth had recently become united with his pet pterodactyl who had been lost since 1940 when the latter had heard that Benito Mussolini was looking for him.

She asked Yaldabaoth to fly the pterodactyl from Ireland to Rome so that the Headless Horseman could borrow it to fly to Sleepy Hollow.

Yaldabaoth and his pterodactyl managed to land in Rome in a manner of minutes.

The pterodactyl having been spurred on by an ingestion of Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of the Day mailed to him from Australia.

The Headless Horseman and Bucephalus Reborn then boarded the pterodactyl and headed off to Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York.

They were soon in sight of Pumpkin Country around Sleepy Hollow.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 9th
2020.

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