Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses

November 8, 2019 at 11:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses 

Back on Monday October 28th 2019 the day after the Vatican’s Amazon Synod ended, Pope Francis had a meeting with U2 singer Bono and economist Jeffrey Sachs.

At the meeting, Pope Francis’ Vatican and the United Nations signed a pact on sustainable development and global governance by the year 2030.

During that meeting, Pope Francis also gave Bono a planter of some grasses and soil that had been used to invoke the ancient Inca Earth Mother goddess Pachamama at a special ceremony in the Vatican Gardens back on October 4th before the Amazon Synod began.

The same planter of grasses and soil had been given to Pope Francis along with the Communion bread and wine as gifts to be presented on the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica for the closing Mass of the Amazon Synod on October 27th.

Now the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil had been given to Bono by Pope Francis.

But none of this was known to or of any concern to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was walking through the Irish countryside on this Friday evening singing,

“You think she was Queen of the land 
and her hair hung over her shoulders
all tied up with a black velvet band…”

As he walked down the road, he ran into a cow he knew called Daisy Daily.

“Moo!” Daisy greeted him.

“Hello, Daisy,” Yaldabaoth doffed his hat, “You’re a long way from Farmer Riley’s farm.”

“Moo!” Daisy answered him.

“You’re looking for something to eat eh?” Yaldabaoth scratched his head and took a nip from a bottle of Irish whiskey, “Well, I think Bono the U2 singer has his estate somewhere near here. Let’s go see if he has anything to eat at his place.”

Leprechaun and cow headed off down the road to the Bono estate.

Yaldabaoth rang the doorbell of the great house which was promptly answered by Higgins who was Bono’s butler and valet.

“Hello, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth likewise doffed his hat to the butler, “My friend Daisy Daily was looking for something to eat and we were wondering if you could give her something.”

“Well…” Higgins said.

“Moo!” Daisy walked into the house and walked over to the sitting room window where the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil was located.

“Moo!” Daisy proclaimed before eating all the grasses.

The cow then got into the punch bowl on the sitting room table and drank all the punch.

“There’s about 40 litres of alcohol in that punch,” Higgins said.

“Well, not anymore,” Yaldabaoth remarked, “It’s in Daisy now.”

A now inebriated Daisy knocked over the planter of Pachamama soil with her tail.

“I apologize, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth opened the closet door and grabbed the vacuum cleaner, “let me vacuum that up for you.”

The leprechaun then vacuumed up all the dirt.

“That was sacred soil I was told,” Higgins’ hair had turned white.

“Now mixed in with sacred potato chip bits and sacred chocolate bar wrappers,” Yaldabaoth emptied the contents of the vacuum cleaner down the estate’s garbage chute.

“I wonder what Bono will say?” Higgins shook his head.

“Probably I still haven’t found what I’m looking for if he decides to go through the garbage,” Yaldabaoth directed Daisy Daily out the front door where leprechaun and cow headed back to Farmer Riley’s farm.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 8th
2019.

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Asmodeus In Rome On Saint Raphael’s Day

October 24, 2019 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Asmodeus In Rome On Saint Raphael’s Day 

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a Rome taverna and enjoying a glass of absinthe with the little green frog Nimrod (who had been a mighty hunter back in the day of the Old Testament Book of Genesis).

The TV in the taverna was on and the news was being read,

“In Britain, Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering has been placed in charge of the investigation to find the human trafficking gang responsible for the deaths of 39 migrants who had been found frozen to death in a refrigerator truck that was parked in an industrial area in Essex…”

“I wonder what will happen to the human traffickers when Renfield gets his hands on them?” Nimrod asked.

“I imagine from what I’ve heard of Renfield’s reputation,” Asmodeus lit his 10,000th cigarette of the day, “they will die a slow painful death by bodily dismemberment.”

“I suppose that’s why Renfield is considered the inspiration for the character of Raymond Red Reddington on The Blacklist TV show,” Nimrod licked up absinthe from his glass with his long tongue.

“I imagine,” Asmodeus agreed as he sipped his absinthe.

“In other news,” the announcer on the TV went on, “Pope Francis dove into the Tiber River today when he spotted what he thought were Pachamama idols floating by. The idols had been thrown off the bridge into the Tiber River on Monday…”

“I wonder if Pope Francis knows how to swim,” Nimrod finished his absinthe.

“Don’t know,” Asmodeus shrugged as he motioned for the waiter to bring another couple of glasses of absinthe.

A girl walked by the window wearing a Saint Raphael medal around her neck.

“Great balls of fire,” Asmodeus turned pale and made a reverse Sign of the Cross.

“What is it?” Nimrod inquired.

“That woman was wearing a Saint Raphael medal,” Asmodeus answered.

“Si, signor,” the waiter said as he put down the glasses of absinthe, “today is Saint Raphael’s Day on the old Roman Rite Latin calendar.”

“What have you got against Saint Raphael?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus when the waiter departed.

“Well over 2 millennia and a half ago, when I had the hots for a young Hebrew maiden named Sarah so much so that I murdered 7 of her husbands on the night their marriages to her were supposed to be consummated,” Asmodeus explained, “The Archangel Raphael befriended a young Hebrew man named Tobias and helped him get engaged to Sarah. The awful smell of a fish’s liver and heart being burnt and its fumes drove me away when I tried to attack Tobias on their wedding night. The smell was so bad, I fled from Media (where Sarah lived) all the way to Upper Egypt where Raphael followed me, bound me and buried me. I lay bound and buried for several centuries until an intoxicated Irish leprechaun named Yaldabaoth accidentally released me while he was visiting his mother Sophia in Egypt.”

“I can see why you’re not very happy with Raphael,” Nimrod nodded.

Meanwhile in another part of Rome, the Greek goddess Artemis rang the doorbell of a Vatican Cardinal’s apartment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 24th
2019.

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The Riddle of The Sphinx

October 8, 2019 at 10:13 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Riddle of The Sphinx

Prince Vlad Dracula was on the ground in the Syrian-Iraqi border area where Kurdish forces were under attack by Turkish planes.

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan the would be Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire did not waste any time after Donald Trump announced a withdrawal of U.S. troops from Syria.

The Kurds may have helped defeat the evil Islamic State (aka ISIS) but gratitude is something historically that the U.S. government has never really believed in no matter who was the President.

Donald Trump the would be neo-Roman God-Emperor of the United States said that he would use his “great and unmatched wisdom” to destroy Turkey’s economy if Erdogan took advantage.

The same way Trump’s “great and unmatched wisdom” in getting into a trade war with China and the possibility of it getting worse caused stock markets to drastically fall today.

The “great and unmatched wisdom” of a simple phone call with a Ukrainian leader which had since led to an impeachment inquiry by the U.S. House of Representatives.

The “great and unmatched wisdom” in accusing Rep. Adam Schiff and Rep. Nancy Pelosi of “treason” and saying they should be “impeached” (the “great and unmatched wisdom” seemingly unaware that Congresspeople cannot be impeached).

Prince Vlad Dracula thought to himself that Trump showed the strategic ability of a certain branch of the Caesar family.

Trump showed the strategic ability of the Emperor Gaius Caligula as opposed to the strategic ability of Caligula’s father the great Roman General Germanicus (who helped conquer Germany for the Romans).

Prince Vlad Dracula pulled out his smart phone and made a call to British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering.

The Kurds were going to need all the help they could get in defeating the Turks.

. . .

Donald Trump was looking in the mirror and singing his own paraphrased version of an old country and western music song,

“Oh Donald, it’s hard to be humble 
When you’re perfect in every way
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
Cause I get better looking each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a Hell of a man 
Oh Donald, it’s hard to be humble
But I’m doing the best that I can…”

Melania Trump who had been standing outside the open bedroom door and listening suddenly doubled over into huge gales of laughter.

She continued to laugh hysterically.

Yvette the French maid asked Lexington the English butler and valet, “What is the matter with Madame Trump?”.”

“I’m not sure,” said a concerned and worried Lexington, “but I fear insanity may be contagious around the White House.”

. . .

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom sat on what became her throne along the banks of the River Thames.

A huge Sphinx that sat on one of the embankments.

Today a group of her devotees gathered in front of her.

Sophia was worried that her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun would soon be without a place to sleep as her sobriety challenged leprechaun son slept on the border between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland.

What would happen if that border once again became a hard border?

She had summoned her followers to see if anything could be done to get German Chancellor Angela Merkel to accept the Renfield-Johnson Plan on Brexit and the Irish border.

Renfield walking along the banks of the Thames saw the gathering.

Renfield took off his top hat and spoke, “I have a suggestion.”

“Yes,” Sophia looked at him with her flashing dark eyes.

“Your grasp of the Sphinx’s claws has given me an idea,” said Renfield.

And on this day, Sherlock Holmes was no longer around to solve the Curious Matter of The Grasp of The Sphinx’s Claws.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 8th
2019.

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Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

October 2, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

“Well, you certainly look as pleased as punch,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield as he walked through the door.

“I am,” Renfield helped himself to a glass of punch from the bowl of punch that Athelstan the butler had made.

“What brought this about?” Amadeus asked.

“Boris Johnson has adopted my plan that only Northern Ireland should be subject to the backstop rather than the entire United Kingdom,” Renfield grinned.

“And how exactly will that work?” Amadeus asked.

“Northern Ireland will stay in the European single market for goods,” Renfield replied, “and of course Johnson did add some touches of his own like the Stormont Assembly for Northern Ireland voting to adopt the arrangements first and then voting every four years on keeping them. But Northern Ireland would exit the customs union along with the rest of the UK under Johnson’s adaptations of my original plan. But the rest of the UK leaving the entire 
single market is my basic idea.”

“I see Jeremy Corbyn has said the plan is even worse than Theresa May’s plan for Brexit,” Amadeus noted.

“And it’s for that reason that I’ve officially nominated Jeremy Corbyn for the Jackass of The Year Award,” Renfield helped himself to a second glass of punch.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are against it as well,” Amadeus added.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are so full of shit that if you gave them all an enema before they died, you could bury them all in the same cigar box,” was Renfield’s final commentary for the night.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was once again sleeping on the border that divided Northern Ireland from the south.

He was awakened by the sound of voices talking.

Yaldabaoth looked and noted a golden cobra walking alongside a green skinned man dressed as an Egyptian Pharaoh.

The leprechaun recognized the golden cobra as Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland at Tara on Saint Patrick’s Day of 2018.

He recognized the green skinned man dressed like an Egyptian Pharaoh as the god Osiris from pictures he had seen of the deity from an Egyptology course that the leprechaun had taken at Trinity College in Dublin many years ago.

“So,” Osiris boasted, “friends of mine have arranged for the Vatican Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman to say the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this coming Halloween on the Republic of Ireland/Northern Ireland UK border to forever enslave all of Britain to the European Union of which I shall someday become Pharaoh.”

“So if I help you become Pharaoh of Europe,” Maitreya spoke, “I shall remain High King of Ireland once the Republic and the North join together as one.”

“That is correct,” Osiris nodded.

“What about this British MP Renfield R. Renfield?” Maitreya asked, “Won’t he put a damper in your plans?”.

“I shall have to find away to deal with this man who used to be Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for my brother Set,” Osiris seethed.

A text message went off on the green deity’s smart phone.

Osiris looked at it, “It’s from George Soros.”

“Is he afraid that Donald Trump has found out that the Democratic National Committee server was in fact based in Ukraine and that’s how it was so easy for the Russians to hack it?” Maitreya inquired.

“We shall see,” Osiris took the call.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 2nd
2019.

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Qonzilqointec, The Federal Reserve and Ho Babylon Minh

September 20, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec, The Federal Reserve and Ho Babylon Minh

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec took a selfie of herself prior to going out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to meet British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the Irish border leprechaun Yaldabaoth, the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist MEP the Kraken Napoloeon VI and his ex-Gorgon wife Medusa to find a possible solution to the Brexit crisis involving the Irish backstop.

Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl had offered to intervene as a mediator in the dispute between Britain and the EU.

Britain’s NHS (National Health Service) had informed Mr. Johnson however that the NHS was not able to give Mr. Quetzalcoatl the amount of living human hearts he required as payment for his mediation services.

Meanwhile the American news media was full of the story that Donald Trump had asked the government of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden’s son Hunter for corruption.

As the American news media were busy wringing their hands over this, Amadeus Emanon the musician and singer who was employed as personal concert pianist to the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was more concerned about a small news story that had appeared in the Wall Street Journal today – a story that was taken down off its news website a few hours later although it could still be found if one used a search engine to search for it but unless people knew that the story was out there, they most likely would not search for it.

The story was the Federal Reserve Bank of New York was offering to add at least $75 billion daily to the financial system until October 10th to ensure the liquidity of the financial system.

The Wall Street Journal added that the Fed will conduct further operations as needed after October 10th.

Amadeus could have asked his employer Set about the matter but the Egyptian god of night and the desert was currently on a vision quest and attending a Cree First Nation sweat lodge ceremony at Elk Island National Park in the Canadian province of Alberta.

So Amadeus went to ask his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering instead.

“Wasn’t the Fed doing something similar to this before the global financial crisis of 2008?” Amadeus asked.

“It was,” Renfield admitted.

“God,” Amadeus turned pale, “I wish you had broken it to me gently in answering this question.”

“Well I’m sorry,” said Renfield, “but I haven’t been in politics as long as Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau have in order to come up with real whoppers to shield people from unpleasant truth and reality.”

Mammon, the ancient Babylonian god of banking and commerce and patron demon of wealthy elitist oligarchs, isn’t too concerned about the impact that another global financial crisis might have on average folks and those who are struggling below the poverty level 

Meanwhile in Australia, a notorious Australian misfit known to all as Uncle Ernie had (because he was stoned out of his mind) walked into the ladies’ washroom of a prestigious restaurant in Sydney’s Chinatown where he encountered the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh who was currently working for the Chinese Communist government in Beijing:

“Jesus!” exclaimed Uncle Ernie, “I need to get my hands on some Viagra quick!”.

He then passed out.

-A vampire novel chapter 
Written by Christopher
Friday September 20th
2019.

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Dracul Van Helsing, The Goddess Sophia, Yaldabaoth and The Irish Backstop

September 6, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing, The Goddess Sophia, Yaldabaoth and The Irish Backstop

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom was worried.

What would happen to her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun if a hard border was once again built on the Republic of Ireland-UK Northern Ireland border?

Her son Yaldabaoth was a leprechaun with a serious drinking problem.

He was the only being in all recorded history to be officially banned by court injunction from attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings as any meeting he attended invariably ended up with all those present at the meetings falling off the wagon.

Yaldabaoth had the irritating habit of always falling asleep right on the line of the Republic of Ireland/UK Northern Ireland border.

This was fine as long as the border was an open (rather than a closed) border as it had been ever since the Good Friday Agreement was signed back in 1998.

But Good Friday 1998 might come to an end at Halloween 2019 if there was a no-deal Brexit.

Of course the House of Commons and the House of Lords had just passed a bill brought forth by the anti-Semitic Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn to stop a no-deal Brexit from happening this coming Halloween (ironically in this regard Corbyn was fulfilling the agenda of the pro-globalist, pro-EU and New World Order One World Government oriented Rothschilds).

However the trouble was British MP Renfield R. Renfield was backing Boris Johnson in his quest to have Brexit by Halloween 2019.

And Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom being wise knew that one should never underestimate Renfield R. Renfield even though the pro-EU segments of the British Parliament and much of the British and American news media were doing just that.

Boris Johnson may have run out of tricks up his sleeve but Renfield hadn’t.

Already Sophia could visualize a Brexit firecracker exploding in Jeremy Corbyn’s rear end as the clock hit 11:59 PM on October 31st 2019 and Renfield shouted “Trick or Treat” from the window of his room in a Soho whore house.

And if a no-deal Brexit occurred and there was once again a hard Irish border, her son Yaldabaoth could end up buried underneath a concrete wall.

Unlike the American authorities and the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa, she’d know where the body is buried.

But this would be of small comfort to her.

After all, she had told people through the centuries that her son Yaldabaoth was the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.

And if it came out that her son was actually an Irish leprechaun with a serious drinking problem who now lay buried under concrete on the Irish border, well, she’d positively die of embarrassment.

Of course Sophia knew that the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was a friend of Renfield R. Renfield.

She figured that if she whipped him up her famous Greco-Egyptian-Irish-Italian-Norse-Greenlander omelette for breakfast and gave him a great tantric sex piece of tail as a midnight offering, he might put in a good word for her with Renfield.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 6th
2019.

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Athena and Dashwood Forrest

July 5, 2019 at 11:27 pm (Folklore, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Athena and Dashwood Forrest 

“That bust does not do you justice, Athena,” London art gallery curator Dashwood Forrest remarked to the Greek goddess of Wisdom.

“To which one of her breasts are you referring, Master?” Asked Mulligan the Irish zombie who was Dashwood Forrest’s somewhat inept living dead manservant.

“Mulligan, go outside and play in the rain,” Forrest ordered.

The Irish zombie did so where he was swept away by the rain.

“I apologize for the idiotic intrusion,” Forrest bowed to the Greek goddess.

“It’s all right,” Athena smiled, “I found his remark somewhat amusing.”

“I wish more customers were like you,” Forrest sighed, “Mulligan drives a lot of them away with his comments that is if his zombie appearance doesn’t drive them away first.”

“Who sculpted this bust of me?” Athena asked.

“A chap by the name of Mario Rossini,” Forrest answered, “A promising young sculptor who was killed after being hit by a train while moulding a clay figure of a bull (in a farm field) while sitting on a railway track. He really took the combined fields of performance art and sculpture to a new level. What level of Dante’s cosmos he wound up in, I could not say.”

“I don’t think I shall purchase this bust of me,” Athena moved on to an oil painting of Hermes.

“I do not blame you,” Forrest placed a towel on the head.

“What a remarkable figure of a leprechaun,” Athena looked at a clay statue of a leprechaun, “he looks somewhat like my grandson.”

Forrest coughed, “Grandson? But I thought you were a virgin goddess?”.

“Have you never heard of artificial insemination, Mr. Forrest?” Athena winked at him.

Forrest turned ghastly pale at the Greek goddess’ remark.

“Relax, Mr. Forrest,” Athena laughed, “I’m only joking.”

“Thank God,” Forrest looked relieved.

“You no doubt heard how I was born from my father’s head when my father Zeus had a headache,” Athena recalled.

“That tale I remember very well,” Forrest commented as he took an aspirin with a glass of water.

“Well one day I had a headache after walking across the desert sands of Egypt feeling quite dehydrated and I gave birth to Sophia from my head,” Athena recounted.

“Sophia?” Forrest drank the water.

“The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom,” Athena explained, “worshipped by various Gnostic groups throughout the centuries. Anyhow back in the 1st Century AD, she encountered the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep. Imhotep was working on the concept of artificial insemination back then and he artificially inseminated Sophia and she gave birth to a leprechaun whom she called Yaldabaoth.”

“That name Yaldabaoth sounds familiar,” Forrest creased his eyebrows in thought, “but I don’t associate him with leprechauns.”

“Well no mother wants to say her son is a leprechaun with a serious drinking problem,” Athena smiled, “so she told people that Yaldabaoth was the demiurge who created the material physical universe.”

“Oh yes,” Forrest nodded, “that’s where I’ve heard the name.”

Meanwhile Mulligan the Irish zombie was being swept down the street in a torrent of rain water.

He suddenly came to a halt after crashing into an alley wall.

But not before knocking over a garbage can first.

Out of the garbage can fell an Irish leprechaun.

“Saint Patrick and Saint Kevin preserve us!” Yaldabaoth exclaimed, “What a rude awakening!”.

“Mulligan!” The Irish zombie doffed his shamrock emblazoned cap to the little fellow, “Irish zombie Mulligan.”

“Yaldabaoth!” The leprechaun replied, “Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth! And I dare you to try and pronounce that name correctly after you’ve had 20 glasses of whiskey.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday July 5th
2019.

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Atargatis, Cleopatra and Robespierre’s Little Black Book

March 21, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill (acting as emissaries of British MP Renfield R. Renfield) stood on top of Mount Hermon in the Golan Heights alongside Renfield’s ally the Byzantine vampiress Theodora.

As a result of Theodora’s dropping a mixture of ring worms and tape worms in Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s coffee the night before, the Turkish leader had spent the day scratching his ass while speaking in front of voters on the campaign trail causing the would be Ottoman sultan to look like a total idiot.

“I see Donald Trump has tweeted that the U.S. government is formally recognizing the Golan Heights as Israeli controlled rather than Israeli occupied,” Welles’ ghost remarked as he surveyed the landscape.

“I imagine Syria and her allies Iran and Russia will have something to say about that,” Theodora commented.

“But that fact has obviously not appeared on Donald Trump’s radar,” Churchill said as he chewed on his spectral cigar.

. . .

“Mr. President, your Norwegian blue parrot has just shit all over Air Force One’s radar,” the pilot of Air Force One gave a visual surveillance commentary to the usually inept and in need of explanation Donald Trump.

“Lexington,” Trump shouted to his British valet and butler as he tried to get parrot droppings out of his toupee, “would you put that blasted parrot back in his cage?”.

. . .


The Syro-Phoenician goddess mermaid Atargatis (in human form) looking for Maximilien Robespierre’s little black book in a book collector’s library of the 1930s

Atargatis had traveled back in time to New York City in 1939.

It had come to her attention that Maximilien Robespierre’s Little Black Book (in which he wrote down all the names of his enemies who were to be executed by the Committee of Public Safety) contained a prophecy given to Robespierre by a clairvoyant prostitute who once dressed up as the Goddess of Reason in Notre Dame Cathedral.


The Goddess of Reason had given a prophecy to Robespierre which he wrote down in his little black book.

The prophecy apparently involved the Golan Heights in the year 2019 and Atargatis who was working in alliance with the Syrians, the Iranians and the Russians desired to know what the prophecy was.

The last known location of Robespierre’s book was in the library of a New York City book collector Joffre Horton Hurtig.

No one knew what became of the book after 1940.

So Atargatis had used the CERN Large Hadron Collidor to travel back in time to the book collector’s library in 1939.


She located the book hiding behind another book in a bookshelf in his library.

“I see you have found Robespierre’s book,” Dracul Van Helsing spoke behind the goddess.

He had used the Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr prototype magic lantern film projector to travel back in time.

“You want the book as well, Van Helsing?” Atargatis asked.

“Indeed I do,” Van Helsing replied, “I’ll wrestle you for it.”

It was one Hell of a wrestling match.

. . .

In her mortal life, Cleopatra had been Queen of Egypt reigning as Cleopatra VII Philopator.

Today the resurrected Cleopatra served as the High Queen of Ireland although so far the world was unaware of her secret Druidic coronation on March 17th 2018.

“So what are we doing in Jerusalem?” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun asked her.

“That my dear Yaldabaoth, you’re about to find out,” Cleopatra smiled and bore fangs like those of a snake.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 21st
2019.

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Yaldabaoth On Saint Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Life, love, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day the same way he celebrated every other day of the year.

By drinking too much.

Yaldabaoth lay under a tree.

At his left hand, he had his pint of Guinness.

At his right, his pot of gold.

Two men, a Brussels bureaucat and a London bureaucrat walked down the middle of the field where the tree was located.

They were measuring for a hard border in case of a no-deal Brexit.

The measuring tape passed over the midpoint of Yaldabaoth’s body.

His pint of Guinness was now on one side of the border.

And his pot of gold was on the other.

The two bureaucrats came back singing and vendoring their respective wares.

“Brussels sprouts and Belgian waffles,” the EU bureaucrat cried out, “Brussels sprouts and Belgian waffles.”

“English Breakfast Tea and Cockney Kids Fish and Chips,” the London bureaucrat cried out, “English Breakfast Tea and Cockney Kids Fish and Chips.”

Yaldabaoth picked up both his pint of Guinness and his pot of gold.

No border was going to separate them.

He went to a nearby pub in the Republic of Ireland.

There he watched New York City’s Saint Patrick’s Day Parade live on TV.

The demons Baal and Baphomet were riding a New York State Democratic Party float.

Baal was eating a bucket of fried human baby fingers and a side order of fried human baby toes.

Baphomet was drinking green beer (what sort of Irish-American abomination is Green beer? Yaldabaoth thought to himself) and mooning passersby with his/her very hairy behind.

When the parade was over, Yaldabaoth walked north of the border to the graveyard of Down Cathedral in the town of Downpatrick in the province of Armagh.

There to visit Saint Patrick’s Grave.

No one was at the grave except a beautiful young woman wearing a long black dress.

The woman held a rosary in her hands.

She held up the Crucifix and said, “Oh blessed Saint Patrick, as many across the world mention your name in passing between pints of beer, I’m here to sing and praise the One you sang, praised and talked about throughout your entire life…”

The woman sang with sweet melodious voice,

“You were the Word at the beginning
One with God the Lord Most High
Your hidden glory in creation
Now revealed in You our Christ

What a beautiful Name it is
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King

What a beautiful Name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus

You didn’t want Heaven without us
So Jesus you brought Heaven down
My sin was great, your love was greater
What could separate us now

What a wonderful Name it is
Nothing compares to this
The Name of Jesus Christ my King

How sweet is your name, Lord, how good you are
Love to sing in the Name of the Lord, love to sing for you all
Death could not hold you, the veil tore before you
You silenced the boast of sin and grave
The heavens are roaring the praise of Your glory
For you are raised to life again

You have no rival, you have no equal
Now and forever, our God reigns
Yours is the Kingdom, Yours is the glory
Yours is the Name above all names

What a powerful Name it is
What a powerful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King

What a powerful Name it is
Nothing can stand against
What a powerful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King…

. . .

Yaldabaoth put down both his pint of Guinness and his pot of gold when he heard the song.

A shudder went through him.

This was obviously one powerful King that this woman was singing about.

He hoped he never got on the wrong side of this King.

He left the Guinness and the gold in the graveyard.

And walked back to the other side of the border.

He thought back to the New York City Saint Patrick’s Day Parade he had watched on TV earlier.

And thought back to Baal and Baphomet.

Where, he wondered, did they stand in relation to this King the woman sang of?

Were they on His wrong side?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 17th
2019.

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Allatallahbel On A Desert Highway, Golgotha and DNA Altering Swedish Meatballs

March 14, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Vampiress Allatallahbel on a desert highway in Nevada

It had recently come to the attention of Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal that London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were investigating the mysterious death of Argentine adult film star Natacha Jaitt.

German Cardinal Walter Kasper had told her this investigation might prove hazardous to the pontificate of Pope Francis.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio had proved to be a very accomodating useful idiot to her Vampiric Knights-Templar and their Freemasonic allies.

Allatallahbel decided she better do something to end the investigation.

She had discovered their investigation had taken them to an Argentine run casino in Las Vegas Nevada.

Now it was taking them to a little known polar bear fur trading post in the Nevada desert which was proving to be a huge Donald Trump approved tax write-off for the Argentine run casino.

Allatallahbel put on her best desert highway hitchhiking attire on the road Agathor and Magog would be driving towards the money losing polar bear fur trading post:

Both men (who were not wearing seat belts) went flying through the windshields of their Budget Rent-A-Car Volkswagen when Magog hit the brakes upon seeing her.

. . .

DARPA contract assasin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had felt a craving for a Meatball Marinara sub sandwich at the Subway store in a nearby mall.

He had gone there and discovered to his horror that a ugly looking woman was already in line at the counter in front of him.

Goatee whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women promptly beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete.

He had lost his appetite upon seeing the ugly looking creature and decided to walk to a nearby discount supermarket to buy some bottles of generic brand Diet Cola.

He of course got in line behind a beautiful looking woman.

But then an ugly looking woman who was stupid as well as ugly that was in front of the beautiful looking woman had discovered that she had brought the wrong brands of pizza- the ones not on sale- and tried getting in Pan Goatee’s way to go get the properly discounted ones.

Goatee promptly beheaded the ugly looking airhead.

“To raise the collective IQ of the world and improve the Earth’s aesthetic beauty all in one stroke,” Goatee remarked as he put the astral laser machete back in his Clint Eastwood autographed Two Mules For Sister Sarah spaghetti western holster.

. . .


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith inside one of the catacombs in Rome

Lilith was in one of the catacombs beneath the Vatican.

Near one of the tombs of the ancient Nephilim giants that the Vatican had kept hidden from the world for centuries.

On the grave of a rare Nephilim dwarf, Imhotep the Rome-based Egyptian souvenir vendor and former High Priest-Scientist of Ra was working overtime to save the Undead life of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler.

He had found Kohler’s body after the latter had been shot with silver bullets fired at him by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing at the Latin numeral Clock of Thoth in London a couple of nights ago.

Imhotep had used a papal dirigible The Sindenburg to fly the body from London to Rome.

He had extracted the silver bullets from Kohler’s body while on the Sindenburg and then used a brew of extracts of three tana leaves (as recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to keep the SS vampire alive.

Now he was about to use a brew of extracts of nine tana leaves (also recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to restore full movement, life and consciousness back to the SS vampire.

Lilith smiled as she saw Kohler’s eyes open and then ask, “Does anybody know where I can buy some good Bavarian beer sausage?”.

. . .

The Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth was having a lunch of Guinness stout and pork pies with the Himalayan golden cobra serpent Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland a couple of years ago.

“Do you know what they’re now claiming in Pakistan?” Yaldabaoth asked Maitreya.

“No, what?” Maitreya asked as he used a New Age crystal healing stone (highly recommended by Tom Brady’s witch wife Gisele Bundchen) to try to re-heat his pork pie.

“That the recent Indian air strikes on Pakistan were part of a combined Hindu-Zionist plot to destroy Pakistan,” Yaldabaoth downed a full 72 ounce glass of Guinness, “and that Israeli Air Force pilots even participated in the air strikes on Pakistan.”

“How stupid can people get,” Maitreya remarked as using the New Age healing stone to re-heat his pork pie seemed to be going nowhere.

“I hope this won’t affect me any,” Yaldabaoth gorged down a whopping piece of pork pie, “my mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom told the Neo-Platonist schools of Alexandria that I Yaldabaoth am the same entity as Yahweh the god of the Hebrews. She came up with this idea after going on a hallucinogenic trip when she drank some fermented juice that was given her by the Hindu moon god Soma. This idea has since passed into Gnosticism where many Gnostic groups are convinced that I’m a bumbling demi-urge who stupidly created the material universe- the same charge that’s leveled against Yahweh.”

“I think with your love of pork pies,” Maitreya threw away the New Age healing stone in disgust, “no one would mistake you for the god of the Hebrews.”

. . .


Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess ready to steal some DNA altering Swedish meat balls from a combined lab and kitchen in Stockholm.

The vampiress Golgotha had been sent to Stockholm Sweden by her mother the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

It had come to the attention of Lilith’s vast intelligence network that the Norse goddess Freya working in concert with the famous Swedish-Italian cook Chef Bjorg Jar (pronounced Yar) Dee had invented some DNA altering Swedish meatballs which, when consumed, gave people super human strength.

Lilith desired these DNA altering Swedish meatballs for the vast army of warriors she was building in Central Asia.

And now Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess would be battling the intelligence agencies of the world in the kitchens of Stockholm to get the secret recipe for these DNA altering Swedish meatballs.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 14th
2019.

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