Sophia Catches Her Son At Perverted Party In Kiev

March 21, 2022 at 10:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom catches her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun at a perverted party in Kiev rather than fighting in the Greek centaur Chiron’s army of leprechauns and gnomes

Sophia had heard the rumours.

Rather than fighting against invading Russian troops her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was supposedly attending a coming out party of the LGBTQ2s+ community in the City of Kiev hosted by Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskiy in celebration of the New World Order that an airheaded Ukrainian woman MP Kira Rudyk said that Ukraine was fighting for.

The demons Baal and Baphomet were present at the LGBTQ2s+ coming out party as freaks, fruits and nuts whose hair was all the colours of the rainbow (plus colours not in the rainbow) gave the appearance of a Liberace and Elton John directed version of the 1968 zombie film Night of The Living Dead.

Ukrainan President Volodymyr Zelenskiy, who had just got into some trouble for releasing a fake news video of the Eiffel Tower in Paris France being attacked by Russian missiles, addressed the crowd, “I understand we’ve got some foreign guests who are here with us virtually on Zoom.”

The crowd cheered.

“How many women from America are here with us today?” Zelenskiy asked.

2/3 of Joe Biden’s deputy cabinet appointees put up their hands as well as some muscle bound ogre who just won the first place gold medal in an NCAA Women’s Swimming Competition in the U.S.

Yaldabaoth, who was busy drinking green beer while Zelenskiy grandstanded in black leather pants and spiked high heeled shoes as holographic images of George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab applauded in the background, was immediately spotted by Sophia.

“I thought you were supposed to be fighting invaders,” Sophia approached him.

“Well…” Yaldabaoth was at a loss for words.

Sophia took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.

. . .

Meanwhile diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Russia were on the verge of collapse after senile old fool Joe Biden called Russian President Vladimir Putin “a war criminal”.

The ghostly voice of Mortimer Snerd (who was the secondary ventriloquist dummy- after Charlie McCarthy- of American ventriloquist Edgar Bergen) called Biden from Hell (where he was doing a stand-up comedy routine with Cerberus) and told him that it wasn’t smart to call the leader of a nuclear power “a war criminal”.

Russia’s Foreign Ministry had summoned U.S. Ambassador to Moscow John Sullivan to give him a dressing down.

Actor John Cleese (who played Basil Fawlty on the 1970s British sitcom Fawlty Towers) told a member of the British press, “I called Vladimir Putin a war criminal once but I think I got away with it…”

. . .

Meanwhile the demons Baal and Baphomet had left Kiev and had gone to French President Emmanuel Macron’s bedroom to enjoy some champagne cocktails with the Klaus Schwab approved former Global Youth leader.

“We’re looking forward to this Friday,” the half-male, half-female half-human half-goat demon Baphomet told Macron.

“What happens Friday?” Macron asked as he chased an elderly cougar around the bedroom.

“Haven’t you heard?” Baal said as he sampled a Planned Parenthood appetizer from a Paris clinic, “That’s when the demon Pachamama worshipping AntiPope Francis supposedly consecrates Russia and Ukraine to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.”

Baal and Baphomet both roared with laughter as Macron adjusted his toupee.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 21st
2022.

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Sophia In The Beautiful City of Venice

February 18, 2022 at 11:51 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Sophia stood on the balcony overlooking the city of Venice and took in the spectacular view of the city’s canals.

She watched as a gondola calling itself Traditionis custodes found itself being swallowed whole by a vicious looking Leviathan who had swam into the Venetian canal from the deepest part of the Mediterranean Sea.

All aboard were lost.

Another gondola calling itself Summorum Pontificum was attacked by the very same evil Leviathan.

A swat across the Leviathan’s snout from the gondolier’s oar sent the evil sea monster (mentioned in Isaiah 27:1 and Job Chapter 41) back to the depths where it belonged.

All aboard were saved.

Apparently the sound of Latin chants prevented the Leviathan from rising from his depths in the abyss below the sea.

Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis was delivering yet another self-congratulatory sermon to himself all the while trying to appear modest and humble (and failing miserably!).

Sophia reflected on the current world situation.

A Calgary based geopolitical analyst with his old contacts in Edmonton’s Ukrainian community discovered today that Canada’s Whore of Babylon Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Finance Chrystia Freeland was a Communist. Her mother Halyna Freeland (of Ukrainian dissent) had also been a Communist. They were part of a group of Ukrainians who were stalwart supporters of the old 1917-1922 Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic that had merged with the Belurussian Soviet Socialist Republic, the Transcaucasian Federated Soviet Socialist Republic and the Russian Federated Soviet Socialist Republic to form the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) on December 30th 1922.

In the lying Wikipedia article on her, they claimed the Soviet KGB regarded her as a threat when she was one of the KGB’s greatest assets.

As Foreign Affairs Minister in the Justin “Pedo” Castro Trudeau government, her first act was to destabilize foreign markets for Canadian canola sales for it is a standard strategy of Communists to try to marginalize farmers.

As Minister of Finance, she has never produced a balanced budget for the Canadian federal government because Communists do not believe in being accountable.

Now as Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Finance, the Communist Whore of Babylon using the mechanism of Justin “Pedo” Castro Trudeau’s proclamation of the National Emergencies Act, she is illegally seizing the private property of the working class people of Canada in exactly the same manner Lenin did in the 1920s and Stalin did in the 1930s.

Already in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was calling for the overthrow of Canada’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist totalitarian government who had now come to power in a coup against the Canadian Constitution.

In Ottawa last night, Ottawa’s Neo-Fascist Police Force had used their horses to run over protestors.

A rider still on his bike was thrown against a horse by a cop high on testosterone but low on ethics and common decency.

It was the thrown bike rider and not the Fascist pig cop who was charged with injuring a police horse.

Senior citizens in walkers were also knocked to the ground by the miscreants who work for the Ottawa Police Service.

The thoughts of Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom were interrupted by the appearance of her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on the balcony.

“So Yaldabaoth are you going to go to Ottawa and overthrow that son of a Fidel?” Sophia inquired.

“No, I might get hurt,” Yaldabaoth answered.

“Where is your courage?” Sophia demanded to know.

Then she took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 18th
2022.

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Marilyn Recalls Conversation With Tarot Card Reader

February 17, 2022 at 11:06 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Marilyn Monroe stood on the balcony overlooking New York City and smoked a cigarette.

She recalled a conversation she had with a tarot card reader downtown.

The tarot reader had recently arrived from Havana, Cuba.

The tarot reader told Marilyn that she had done a tarot reading for Cuba’s new Revolutionary leader Fidel Castro.

“And what did you see in his future?” Marilyn had asked the tarot reader.

“I told him he’d have a son who’d become Prime Minister of Canada,” the reader replied.

Marilyn finished her cigarette and stepped back inside.

She was greeted by the sight of an Irish leprechaun who had already helped himself to the bourbon.

“I was told by the same tarot reader,” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun hiccoughed, “that someday I’d help overthrow a Canadian dictator.”

“And when would this be?” Marilyn asked.

“Not for some sixty odd years away,” Yaldabaoth answered.

“Good for you,” Marilyn bent down and kissed the wee leprechaun.

Yaldabaoth blushed but was much pleased.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 17th
2022.

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Chiron and Yaldabaoth Vs. The New World Order

November 5, 2021 at 9:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was recalling how a geopolitical analyst he knew of, had when this analyst lived in Vancouver, had been walking down a sidewalk in front of a big window cafe when he was shocked to see someone who was the spitting image of Adolf Hitler sitting there reading a book.

Suddenly the Hitler spitting image looked up from his book and looked at the geopolitical analyst with sheer absolute hatred in his eyes.

The analyst when writing about the incident wrote, “If I had to have Hitler and Hitler’s image look at me, I’m glad it was with pure absolute hatred. It makes me know that I’m doing something right.”

Tonight members of the New World Order Calgary Police Service had visited the homeless shelter where the analyst was being forced to stay (once again being down on his luck) while the geopolitcal analyst was out for a walk.

They complained to the front desk about how certain people were offended by his blog and terribly upset about what he had written in it.

The front desk worker informed the geopolitical analyst when he arrived.

As a Los Angeles blogger friend told him when the analyst wrote him about the incident, “Writing isn’t a crime.”

But of course it always is in a totalitarian state.

And ever since the George Soros-Bill Gates-Dr. Anthony Fauci plandemic had broke out in 2020-2021 most of the world was turning into a Neo-Fascist Fourth Reich Neo-Stalinist Global Neo-Soviet state.

And fascist pigs are always afraid of writing.

Particularly when one is writing the truth.

For evil and its adherents cannot abide the light of truth.

For they serve the Antichrist who is the epitome of all unrighteousness, lies and evil.

Yaldbaoth received a knock on the door of his tree home.

It was his friend and fellow leprechaun Barney From Killarney.

“Hi Yald,” Barney greeted him, “Chiron has been granted dispensational release from the Underworld by Hades.”

“Chiron the Centaur?” Yaldabaoth was astonished.

“Yes, seeing as how the Hydra is rising once again on the world stage with all sorts of mini hydras being injected into people via vaccines and Chiron was originally killed after being hit in the thigh by one of the poisoned blood arrows (laced with the Hydra’s poisonous blood) accidentally fired by Hercules, Chiron is now set to take his revenge on the satanic demonic Hydra and his evil system,” Barney explained, “He’s training leprechauns and gnomes in the art of archery so they can fight against the forces of the Antichrist Hydra.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 5th
2021.

A wood nymph waits in the village in Switzerland where Chiron the Centaur will train gnomes and leprechauns to fight the Antichrist army.

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Rome On The Eve of A Transhumanist Future

October 22, 2021 at 10:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus sat in a Rome taverna on the eve of a Transhumanist conference at the Vatican.

Brainless “fact checkers” at the Reuters news agency were proclaiming that this conference was only being held at Vatican City, it wasn’t being organized by the Vatican.

The idiots had neglected to check the Vatican’s own news web site where they were busy boasting about organizing the conference.

Instead the Reuters “fact checkers” who couldn’t see much beyond their own navel (or quite possibly their own asshole) were quoting the ADL (Anti-Defamation League) who got their panties in a knot when Mel Gibson made the film The Passion of The Christ and have had their panties in a knot ever since.

Brainless “fact checkers” at Reuters quoting the knotted panties cutting off the blood supply to the brain ADL said that Transhumanists were not planning on merging man with machine.

Both the brainless “fact checkers” at Reuters and the ADL had obviously neglected to read Elon Musk’s latest glowing press release on the subject.

Elon Musk would be most disappointed to hear that there were still people out there who did not read his press releases.

Mephistopheles the Fallen Archangel walked through the door of the Rome taverna.

“Going to attend the Transhumanist Conference at the Vatican tomorrow?” Asmodeus asked.

“I am,” the fallen Archangel nodded.

“Say what world leader is it that you occasionally possess sometimes?” Asmodeus inquired.

“Joe Biden,” Mephistopheles answered.

Asmodeus’ little buddy Nimrod the little green frog held up a sign that read “Let’s go Brandon!” showing the Roman poet Virgil kicking Joe Biden into the flames of the Inferno as Dante watched.

. . .

M. Beast (which stood for Mark of the Beast) was an infernal creature.

He called himself M. Beast because he had delusions of grandeur.

Seeing himself as THE Mark of the Beast.

But really he was a gaslighter.

One who enjoyed gaslighting homeless vulnerable people.

He worked in an agency run by the forces of Voldemort.

And tried to convince the clients he was assigned to help that they were crazy.

Little did M. Beast know that British MP Renfield R. Renfield already had him in his sights.

And Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster already had a vision of M. Beast’s demise in the Set Enterprises’ dungeons.

A slow painful death.

And lots of agonizing screams coming from M. Beast’s mouth.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun had been invited to speak at the Transhumanist Conference at the Vatican.

The topic he was invited to speak on was How Leprechauns Will Fit Into The Future of Transhumanism.

Yaldabaoth had no idea how leprechauns would fit into the future of Transhumanism.

But he heard that the conference would have plenty of free booze flowing so he’d go and speak anyhow.

As he walked up the steps of a Roman piazza while carrying a gargantuan bottle of Tuscan red wine, he ran into his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of Wisdom.

Yaldabaoth soon found himself the recipient of a good old fashioned spanking from his mother.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 22nd
2021.

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Thessalonike of Macedon Meets Dracul and Yaldabaoth

July 8, 2021 at 10:49 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Thessalonike of Macedon

Prof. William Charles an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford University was delivering a lecture in front of a fountain with a statue of a mermaid inside the fountain.

Prof. William Charles was delivering the lecture to a camera as part of an on-line course that he was teaching.

Said Prof. Charles, “Now there is a popular Greek legend that says Alexander the Great’s half-sister Thessalonike of Macedon became a mermaid and lived and frolicked in the Aegean Sea for hundreds of years.
The legend states that Alexander the Great in his quest for the Fountain of Immortality managed to get a flask of this immortal water.
He happened to wash Thessalonike’s hair with this flask of immortal water.
For Alexander had foolishly forgot to bring along the bottle of shampoo that his half-sister Thessalonike had asked for.
Not wanting Thessalonike to throw a major spaz attack as a result of his blundering, Alexander used the flask of immortality water to wash his half-sister’s hair instead.
When Alexander the Great died in the Persian capital of Babylon in June 323 BC, the legend says that his grief-stricken sister attempted to end her life by jumping into the sea.
Instead of drowning, however, she became a mermaid passing judgment on mariners throughout the centuries and across the Seven Seas.
To the sailors she encountered, she would always pose the same question, “Is Alexander the King alive?”.
To which the correct answer would be, “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”
Given this answer, she would allow the ship and her crew to sail safely away in calm seas.
Any other answer would transform her into a raging Gorgon bent on sending the ship and every sailor on board to the bottom of the sea.”

. . .

“So that was how the German battleship Bismarck was actually sunk to the bottom of the sea?” British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was reading the top secret report on the sinking of the Bismarck that was finally being released over 80 years after the incident had happened back in May of 1941.

“It looks like Johnny Horton’s ghost will have to rewrite the lyrics of his hit song Sink The Bismarck,” An eavesdropping British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had wiretapped Boris Johnson’s office) quipped.

“Who would have thought that it was a mermaid?” Amadeus Emanon ate a plate of sweet and sour jumbo shrimp, “And Alexander the Great’s half-sister at that.”

. . .

Meanwhile as animals at the Denver Zoo in Colorado were now being injected with Covid vaccines as part of the Biden Administration’s MAKE AMERICA WOKE AGAIN efforts, a demon possessed marine biologist had injected the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon with a Covid-19 vaccine in the Aegean Sea.

The end result of the injection was that it had turned Thessalonike of Macedon into a mortal woman again.

And it was in that form that Thessalonike of Macedon had appeared to Dracul Van Helsing and Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a pier on the Aegean Sea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 8th
2021.

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The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

May 14, 2021 at 10:18 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a rare Friday night podcast.

Renfield concluded his podcast by saying, “Wiith the so-called Great Reset off to a disastrous start, the Biden Administration, leading globalists and the Vatican held a conference today at the Vatican called “Dreaming of A Better Restart.” Well dreaming is about all they’ve got. And their dream is the stuff of nightmares for humanity.”

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was sharing a massive quantity of whiskey, gin, beer and vodka with Extremely Curious George the genetically created stegosaurus of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

They were sitting at a Set Enterprises computer.

“Well, George, hic! hic!,” Yaldabaoth said to the plated back dinosaur with the spiked tail whose species last existed in the Jurassic period of the Mesozoic era, “In my current state of inebriation, I seem to have stumbled upon some website called Top Secret Contingency Plans For The Better Restart of Our Currently Failed Great Reset.”

Extremely Curious George hiccoughed in reply.

“An excellent idea,” Yaldabaoth hiccoughed in agreement, “I think I shall change what it says here, insert my own ideas and send them off to every Better Restart of The Great Reset operative on the planet.”

Extremely Curious George smiled and wagged his tail.

. . .

Set Enterprises secret agent Miranda Singh isn’t expecting much from the Better Restart of The Great Reset.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 14th
2021.

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Sophia On One Fine Day In 1955

May 4, 2021 at 10:50 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


Sophia the Gnostic Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom
Currently lived in Italy
On this date in 1955.

It was a tantalizingly hot day
Steamy, sultry, humid.
Her maid approached her,
“Dr. Carl Gustav Jung is here to see you.”

“The famous Swiss psychoanalyst?”
Sophia wiped her brow
As her maid wrung Sophia’s sweat out of her dress
The heat was suffocating.

“What does Jung want?”
Sophia asked.
“He wants to see your son,”
Her maid answered.
“Yaldabaoth?”
Sophia looked at her maid
Through drips of persperation.

“Yes, he wants to meet the Demi-urge
who created the material physical universe,”
Her maid smiled at Sophia.

“But that’s only what I told people,”
Sophia doused her head into a nearby spring
To wipe away the sweat and perspiration,
“He’s actually an Irish leprechaun
with a serious drinking problem.”

“Well, I guess Dr. Jung is going to find that out for himself,”
Her maid sighed,
“He’s up at the house.”

“My God, no,”
Sophia went running back to her estate in Tuscany.
“What god would that be?”
Her maid asked.
“Ultimately the Unknown God of The Greeks
whose altar bears an inscription in Athens.”

Sophia went back to her house
And opened the door.
There lay her son Yaldabaoth on the floor
Buried under a mass of bottles
of Jameson Irish Whiskey.
He was busy singing,
“Roll out the barrel,
We’ll have a barrel of fun,
Roll out the barrel,
We’ve got the blues on the run…”

“This is he who created the material physical universe?”
Dr. Carl Gustav Jung raised an eyebrow in Sophia’s direction.
“Well… uh…” Sophia was at a loss for words.
“When I look at the state of the world, I tend to believe it,”
Dr. Jung wiped his glasses, rose and left.

“Just wait until you see the world in 2020 and 2021,”
Yaldabaoth called out after Dr. Jung.
“Or so a time travelling gypsy tells me.”

“This is awful,” Sophia looked out the window
As Carl Gustav Jung was driven away in a waiting limo.

“What’s awful is there’s no Jameson left,”
Yaldabaoth looked inside the closet.

“Awful,” Sophia wiped her brow.

Her maid walked up the path
As Dr. Jung’s limo drove by.

Her maid wondered, “Will the doctor see that UFO hovering over the stream?”

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 4th
2021.

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Yaldabaoth’s Interesting 48 Hours

March 29, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I understand Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun has had an interesting 48 hours,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his friend Amadeus Emanon as they sat down to late evening tea and crumpets in the dining room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal west London mansion.

“He did?” Amadeus bit into a crumpet.

“Yes, yesterday he was almost arrested by Irish Garda police for driving a Catholic priest to his parish church to say public Mass,” Renfield answered.

“Is that a crime?” Amadeus was shocked.

“It is now,” Renfield nodded, “The Antichrist government of the once Catholic nation of Ireland is now the most Antichrist government in Western Europe. They’re recently made it a crime for a priest to leave his home to say a public Mass as well as made it a crime for anyone to leave their home to attend Catholic Mass.”

“How did Yaldabaoth escape the Irish Garda Police?” Amadeus inquired.

“The car Yaldabaoth was driving was a replica of the Batmobile from the 1966-68 television series Batman starring Adam West and Burt Ward (that the little leprechaun won in a Guinness drinking contest a few years back) so he managed to outrun them,” Renfield explained.

“Then what did Yaldabaoth do in his next 24 hours?” Amadeus poured himself a cup of English Breakfast Tea even though he was having late evening tea and crumpets.

“Well, earlier today Yaldabaoth was small enough to fit inside a baby submarine the Seed of Nautilus that succeeded in freeing the 1300 foot Evergreen Marine container ship MV Ever Given that was stuck in the Suez Canal,” Renfield smiled.

“Yaldabaoth was responsible for freeing the Ever Given?” Amadeus was astounded.

“Yes, his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom should be so proud,” Renfield sipped his own cup of English Breakfast Tea.

Meanwhile the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having a phone conversation with his CEO of Set Enterprises a man called Watson Holmes.

“This is a public relations disaster,” Set wept in his beer, “Our company has baby subs. We could have easily leant Yaldabaoth one when he was doing his deep canal route dive to free the Ever Given that was stuck in the Suez Canal. Instead my rival, sister and sister-in-law the Paris based Egyptian vampiress Isis gets all the glory and publicity for letting Yaldabaoth use her baby sub the Seed of Nautilus ”

“I’m afraid it was that idiot Dr. Marmalade Montague who took the phone call when Yaldabaoth phoned Set Enterprises,” Set Enterprises’ CEO Watson Holmes explained, “Dr. Montague misheard and thought Yaldabaoth was asking for a baby tub to use. And Marmalade said, “Sorry, we have no baby tubs” and hung up the phone.

Meanwhile in Paris, France the Egyptian vampiress Isis (who was worshipped as the goddess of the moon, magic and healing in ancient Egypt and who was Set’s rival, sister and sister-in-law as well as the wife of Osiris and the mother of Horus) was basking in the glory of having had her baby sub the Seed of Nautilus used by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun in freeing the container ship Ever Given from the Suez Canal.

She was being photographed by the assembled world press.

Egypt’s goddess Isis basking in glory.

It was a good thing for Yaldabaoth that he was still in Egypt.

Otherwise he might have keeled over and died on the spot had he been in Paris and saw the killer outfit that Isis was wearing.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 29th
2021.

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Michelangelo’s Morning Routine

March 18, 2021 at 10:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I had a really bad dozen years.”
-Adolf Hitler reflecting on his time as leader of Germany from 1933-1945 which oversaw the Holocaust, the invasion and takeover of several countries and World War II resulting in millions upon millions of deaths.

“All right, Herr Hitler, we’ll let you return to your rotating barbeque spit down in the flames of Tartarus,” Renfield finished his radio interview, “I imagine you must use the same speechwriter as members of the Atlanta Georgia Police Department.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster woke up from his dream as his waterproof alarm clock (with the face of Groucho Marx on it) went off.

Coincidentally Renfield was doing a newscast on BBC World Service Radio as the lobster stretched his claws and got out of bed.

“Meanwhile in other news,” Renfield’s voice could be heard saying, “a giant cloud of dust emerged from the Vatican today as Pope Francis opened his Bible…”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster crawled out of his aquarium, grabbed a towel from a nearby drawer and crawled down the hall to the Set Enterprises Employees Shower Room where he took a shower.

Extremely Curious George the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher gazed at the lobster with a look of extreme bafflement on his face as he watched for the very first time this morning routine of the world famous Psychic Lobster.

Of course others at Set Enterprises (who had been around a lot longer than the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus) still looked at Michelangelo’s morning routine with extreme bafflement on their faces whenever they saw it.

The only ones who didn’t take a second look were Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague as well as the ghost of Winston Churchill whenever he happened to be visiting Set Enterprises Laboratories.

And speaking of Dr. Marmalade Montague, he had the body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a gurney with his mouth stretched wipe open about to receive the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin being poured down his throat through a contraption recently invented by Dr. Montague.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (dressed in a surgeon’s gown) had, last night, in his third post-mortem performed on the leprechaun since the start of this year, determined the cause of death to be Guinness laced with an extremely high content of a particularly toxic variety of cobra venom.

The other two times Yaldabaoth had died since the start of 2021- the 1st cause of death had been eating lutefisk and the 2nd cause of death had been drinking a bottle of champagne laced with Fire Salamander venom.

Coincidentally on all three occasions Yaldabaoth had keeled over and died on the spot after seeing a beautiful woman wearing a killer outfit.

Now Dr. Marmalade Montague was once again using 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin to bring Yaldabaoth back from the dead.

“I think Hendrick’s Gin should start advertising this medicinal benefit of their product for leprechauns in their TV commercials,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to Set Enterprises Intelligence Secret Agent Miranda Singh.

“Maybe someone should let them know,” Miranda suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 18th
2021.

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