Hera and The Gangsters

March 1, 2021 at 11:39 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Ghost Story, Mythology, Plays, Romance, The Supernatural, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera starring in a 1930s Broadway play about gangsters

It was the decade of the 1930s.

And the Greek goddess Hera was honing her theatrical skills by starring in a Broadway play about gangsters.

It was dress rehearsal night – the evening before the official opening.

Hera was awaiting the arrival of the gangster boss Big Frank Malone.

A man came on stage wearing a fedora hat and gangster suit and carrying a big violin case.

Hera, speaking out of character, said, “You don’t look like John Barrymore to me.”

“I’m afraid John is a bit under the weather tonight,” the understudy replacement for John Barrymore replied.

“How many bottles did he have to drink today?” Hera asked.

“You know the real Barrymore obviously,” Dracul Van Helsing, who had time travelled from the future and was now playing the role of Big Frank Malone in this play about gangsters, replied.

“That’s funny,” the ghost of Orson Welles, who had likewise time travelled from the future, remarked as he sat in the front row, “I don’t ever recall John Barrymore starring in a play about gangsters.”

“He possibly drank before each performance and never made it to the stage,” Van Helsing noted.

“By Jove, I think you’re right,” Welles agreed.

“Please, don’t use one of my husband’s Roman names,” Hera stood up.

“I forgot,” Welles bowed, “I do apologize.”

Hera approached Van Helsing, “Well, Dracul, since you’ve come from the future to step in for the great John Barrymore, perhaps we can do an improvisational performance tonight.”

“And what improvisational performance did you have in mind?” Van Helsing inquired.

“How about making out here on the stage?” Hera smiled.

And Hera and Van Helsing did just that.

“Not again,” Welles’ ghost buried his ghostly head in his ghostly hands.

As Hera and Van Helsing made out, soon thunder and lightning flashed around the stage.

“And furthermore, I just would happen to be in the very theatre on the night the Greek god Zeus decided to attend a Broadway play,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

The next day a hangover stricken John Barrymore was asked what happened to the theatre as it lay in ruins.

“Well, I know people are once again going to say this was a hallucination brought on by too much drink on my part,” Barrymore commented, “but it was an angry and cuckholded Greek god Zeus who destroyed this theatre because his wife the Olympian queen Hera was making out with a mortal.”

The members of the New York press laughed and shook their heads.

And that was the reason history has no record of John Barrymore starring in a Broadway play about gangsters.

The ghost of radio announcer Paul Harvey appeared in front of the lightning produced charred ashes of the theatre and gave his usual radio show sign-off, “And now you know the rest of the story.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 1st
2021.

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Hera At Versailles

January 26, 2021 at 11:58 pm (Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, magic, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


The Greek goddess Hera at the Palace of Versailles during the reign of the Sun King

“So,” Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague asked Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, “I hear you’re able to travel back in time using the Pantages-Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern?”.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” Van Helsing answered.

In his aquarium in the background, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster held up a sign that read CONFIRMED.

“So,” Marmalade read the sign, “When I fell into a time warp when I was Chief Scientist and Head Alchemist To The Court of Louis Quatorze and wound up here in the decade of the 2020s, I left an important alchemical formula on my desk in my laboratory at the Palace of Versailles. I was wondering if you could go back in time and get it for me?”.

“Why can’t you go back in time and get it yourself?” Van Helsing inquired.

“Because the Hindu god Shiva informed me while I was standing in line once at an Indian buffet restaurant in London last year that if I ever engaged in time travel again, I’d disintegrate into a pod of peas hanging from a lotus flower,” Dr. Marmalade Montague replied.

“One wouldn’t want that unless one were a vegan vegetarian Transhumanist,” Van Helsing agreed.

“I don’t know if it was because I helped myself to the last 2 dozen pieces of butter chicken from a buffet tray before the chef brought some more as I was standing in line in front of Shiva or if Shiva really meant it,” Marmalade reflected.

“Well, as J. Robert Oppenheimer might say while putting on a trojan, it’s best to be on the safe side,” Van Helsing acknowledged.

And so Van Helsing went back in time to the Palace of Versailles during the reign of Louis XIV the Sun King.

He found the laboratory but as he entered the room a cat had knocked a piece of paper off the table which seemed to have elaborate drawings and formulae on it.

The paper was then eaten by a poodle.

“I hope that wasn’t the formula for turning lead into gold,” Van Helsing mused aloud.

He then found his way to the main dining room of Versailles where he encountered the Greek goddess Hera.

The Greek goddess Hera and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had made out on a couple of occasions.

Unbeknownst to the Greek god Zeus of course.

Otherwise Van Helsing might have disintegrated into ash as a result of having an Olympian thunder bolt thrown at him.

“Dracul,” Hera smiled at him.

“You must have time traveled from the 21st Century as well,” Van Helsing made a Holmes Sherlockian deduction, “because I never knew you during the Reign of the Sun King Louis Quatorze.”

“I did,” Hera nodded, “I time traveled from January 2021.”

“Same here,” Van Helsing stated.

“Did you know that a year ago Zeus asked Hades to release the spirit of Alexander the Great from the Underworld?” Hera inquired.

“It seems to me I heard something to that effect from the ghost of Orson Welles,” Van Helsing reflected.

“And now this January he’s asked Hades to release the spirit of the Syrian Greek King Antiochus Epiphanes (whose official title was King Antiochus IV ) from the Underworld,” Hera noted.

“Maybe Zeus is planning a major Abomination of Desolation with Pope Francis and they want Antiochus Epiphanes’ input into the matter,” Van Helsing said as a group of waiters walked by carrying trays loaded with roast pork.

“I’m so horny and frustrated by Zeus constantly ignoring me,” Hera sighed.

“Maybe I could help you with that,” Van Helsing took off his formal dinner jacket.

Soon Hera and Van Helsing were making out on top of the Royal Banquet table.

“Ah, I see they’re still setting up in here,” Louis XIV remarked to one of his mistresses as he poked his head in through the dining hall door, “Perhaps you’d like to come to my bedroom and I’ll show you my ceiling etchings of Zeus and Leto.”

At that moment the ghost of Orson Welles was bicyling backwards through time in the CERN Large Hadron Collidor Time Tunnel.

As he bicycled backwards in time through the time tunnel, the voice of Engelbert Humperdinck could be heard singing Les Bicyclettes de Belsize.

Welles’ ghost was eating a large spectral bagel as he cycled backwards through time.

Welles hoped that no one would mistake him for Hunter Biden son of Joe Biden as he was returning from Mass in the Presidential motorcade when he ordered the motorcade stopped so he could buy a bagel as he had come down with the munchies after having smoked a pipe of crack cocaine in the confessional booth.

Welles’ ghost arrived just in time to see Dracul and Hera making out on the Royal Banquet table.

“Woe is me,” Welles remarked as he drove his bicyle through the dining room window and on to the Versailles palace grounds.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 26th
2021.

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Pandora and The Cobblerish Coblynau

January 18, 2021 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


Pandora was an actress
An immortal Greek actress
Once pursued by Zeus
She pretended to be impressed by Zeus’ charms
In order that she could steal some ambrosia
And make herself immortal in the process.

But she never gave herself to Zeus
In the way Zeus would have wanted
Being the horny old philandering Olympian
That he was.

The result?
Zeus besmirched her good name
Telling the Greek poet Hesiod (750 to 650 BC)
That Pandora by opening a jar
Had loosed all manners of evil
Upon the world
Pandora’s jar would later become Pandora’s box
In the western collective unconsciousness
After the Renaissance writer Erasmus
In a night of overindulgence in fine Italian wine
Had mistranslated jar as box
In his setting forth down of the tale
The next morning
When the sun rose
And the cock outside his window
Decided to sing all the Baroque musical hit songs
of Christendom all in one setting

Fortunately Erasmus never lived to see
The writing of Eleanor Rigby
Otherwise we might all think
That Eleanor Rigby
Kept her face
In a box
By the door

Pandora had heard that Charles Laughton and Vincent Price
Were making a movie down in Mexica
So she had gone there
In the Year of Our Lord 1949
And on this night
She stood alongside a piano
In an elegant Mexican cantina

Behind her was a statue of the Greek god Dionysus
Carrying some exotic fruits on his head
(Fruits that would later corrupt a promising young writer
Truman Capote)
The statue was in fact the real Greek god Dionysus
Who had been turned to stone by a very realistic portrait
painted of Medusa the Gorgon
By the usually abstract surrealist painter Pablo Picasso

On the other side of the piano
Was a violinist who played the violin
And dreamed of being Don Quixote
Next to him was a bass player
Who played the bass
And dreamed of being an ice fisherman

Playing the piano was a Charles Laughton lookalike
Who played the piano
And sang of how his wife had run off with his donkey
Leaving him and the windmill to grind all that wheat
By themselves

Below Pandora on the steps where she stood
Was a guitar player
Who didn’t really play the guitar
But only used the guitar
To cover his erection
Which he got
By looking at Pandora
All the while mumbling,
“Oh my God! Oh my God!”.

On a stool by himself
Where a stool pigeon
Had left his calling card
And playing the flute
Sat a Welsh Coblynau
A gnome native to Wales
His name was Egregious Engelbert

Normally Coblynau hung out in Welsh coal mines
But Engy (which was his nickname)
Had developed an allergy to coal dust
And so became a cobbler
Making fine leather shoes

The Cobblerish Coblynau they called him
Making shoes by night
And shoes by day
Even giving shoes to those
Who couldn’t afford to pay

And so they were here
This eclectic crowd
When a man walked in
A man named Rigby
A man who had once gone up 39 Steps
A man who had once stood on Waterloo Bridge
A man of whom
Could he be bribed?
Could he bought?
Was $10,000
Worth 30 pieces of silver?

Rigby
No relation to Eleanor
Nor had he ever visited Acquitaine
Was now here in the room

Waiting for the evening to begin
And the fireworks to start
Would the Price be right
And just how prickly
Was Carlotta’s Cactus Throne?

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 18th
2021.

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The Night One Eagle Split Into Two

January 5, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith with an eagle on her shoulder

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood not far from the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.

Elon Musk’s artificial moon was shining down on top of her.

It was supposed to be shining down on top of Edgar Allan Poe’s grave in Baltimore Maryland but the GPS computer network guiding Musk’s artificial moon had been hacked by a hermit gnome (frozen lawn ornament) living in Nome, Alaska.

As such the Muskian artificial moon was now hovering over the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.

On a car radio, a very old song was being played,

“We’re the John Birch Society, we’re out to save our country from the Communistic threat.
And if your mommy (pronounced mom-mee) is a Commie,
Well you’ve got to turn her in…”

A group of lawn ornament garden gnomes in Washington DC eyed with suspicion a mask wearing Nancy Pelosi as she walked by.

In the moonlight of Elon Musk’s artificial moon, with a tattoo of an eagle on her left shoulder and a living eagle perched atop her right shoulder, Lilith’s hair along with her headband, beads and headdress (that had once belonged to Chief Sitting Bull) glistened silvery in the moonlight.

Sitting Bull’s revenge on the U.S. government for the massacre of his people that had occurred at the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota in December 1890 was about to unfold.

Down in Tartarus in the Underworld, one General George Armstrong Custer had just escaped from his rotating barbeque spit over an open fire in the place and was hoping to pass Cerberus and his watchful eye (one on each of the three heads) and swim across the River Styx and back to the land of the living.

But at that moment, Custer received a ghostly arrow through his ghostly knee.

Custer now had a wounded knee.

“Fly,” Lilith spoke to the eagle.

The eagle flew off her shoulder and over the Lincoln Memorial.

The eagle was suddenly set upon by a flying red dragon, a flying bear, a flying lion, a flying cat and a winged horse named Chollima.

The eagle was ripped in two.

Facing one another across the Potomac River were two opposing supernatural forces.

On one side of the Potomac River were the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln, General Ulysses S. Grant and General Robert E. Lee (now all allies).

On the other side of the Potomac River were the ghosts of Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky). They too were now all allies.

Walking on the water of the Potomac River was the Greek god Zeus who cried in a loud voice, “Release the Kraken!”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 5th
2020.

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The 366th Night of The Year: Zeus Boasts He Was Alexander The Great’s Father and Odin Admits He Was Adolf Hitler’s Father

December 31, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

An independent radio station in London England was reading the news:

“Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez was rushed to hospital in Madrid earlier tonight after he ate a piece of what turned out to be poisoned Norwegian lutefisk sent to him as a New Year’s Eve gift.
The parcel containing the lutefisk had a British House of Commons postal mark on it.
WHO officials have told the hospital’s doctors to list the death as being caused by Covid-19 should the Spanish Prime Minister end up kicking the bucket…”

. . .

Set Enterprises’ eccentric employee extraordinaire Dr. Marmalade Montague was asking Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster what would happen on the geopolitical world stage if Joe Biden was actually inaugurated President of the United States on January 20th.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster visualized in his mind Sophia Loren giving Benito Mussolini a spanking and immediately went into a trance where he got in touch with his inner Michelangelo.

Michelangelo came out of the trance and proceeded to type on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws the following:

Within 48 hours of Joe Biden being inaugurated President of the United States, the following 3 things would happen:

1) Communist China would invade Taiwan to forcibly annex the island nation

2) North Korea would invade South Korea to forcibly annex it

3) Vladimir Putin’s Russia would invade Western Ukraine to forcibly annex the whole country

. . .

The Greek god Zeus and the Norse god Odin (known as Wotan to the ancient and medieval Germans) were having a private New Year’s Eve party in an old Berlin discoteque famed as a meeting place back in the late 1970s at the height of the Cold War where spies would exchange secrets and orgasms (and not necessarily in that order).

Zeus was drinking Greek ouzo and Odin was drinking German beer.

Zeus (whose nose was currently as red as that of the famous reindeer Rudolph) blubbered to Odin, “You know all those legends that said I was actually the father of Alexander the Great? That I seduced Olympias while King Philip II of Macedon was spending the night gambling so he could win himself a new horse? They’re true. I laid Olympias in the same manner I made myself chief god of Olympus. And 9 months later, she gave birth to the future King Alexander III of Macedon (known to history as Alexander the Great). How about you? How many world conquerers did you sire?”.

Odin put down his beer and held his head in shame, “Unlike you with Hera, I was loyal to my wife Freya most of the time. I had a few mistresses whom Freya picked for me. But I confess one night in 1888, I made out with Alois Hitler’s wife while he was busy seizing an undocumented customs shipment of Bavarian sausages. While he was busy inspecting Bavarian sausages, Frau Hitler was inspecting mine. And 9 months later, little Adolf was born in the Austrian village of Braunau am Inn on April 20th 1889.”

“I can see why you wouldn’t want to brag about that,” Zeus bit into his wienerschnitzel.

At another table the Norse trickster god Loki mentioned to his son the Norse wolf Fenrir, “Did you know that 2020 is/was a leap year? Like all leap years, it had 366 days. So when people this year said that this year seemed to last longer than most, they were absolutely right.”

Fenrir didn’t bother answering as at this moment he was having a severe allergic reaction to German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s recipe for Hungarian Rhubarb Pie that he had just eaten.

And at another table, a Eurasian brown bear possessed by the spirit of Grigori Rasputin was drinking Russian vodka while a grey wolf possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler (history’s most infamous vegetarian and teetotaler) was drinking Hendrick’s Gin because he had heard it was made with rose and cucumber blissfully unaware that it was made with alcohol as well.

Meanwhile in Rome Italy, pieces of a small meteorite had fallen on the Vatican’s extraterrestrial ET Nativity display.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 31st
2020.

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Kraken’s Croissant Cravings

December 18, 2020 at 11:26 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“French President Emmanuel Macron has tested positive for Covid-19.
Coincidentally enough a number of cougars at the Paris Zoo have also tested positive for Covid-19.”
-British MP Renfield R. Renfield reading a news story on radio.

As the Fascist Freemasonic French President Emmanuel Macron was busy self-isolating along with quite a number of cougars who were also self-isolating, French Aquarian Age Bonapartist leader The Kraken Napololeon VI was walking the streets of Paris along with his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon.

The Kraken, who was sipping 8 cups of cognac-laced coffee at the same time, asked his wife, “Where is everybody?”.

“Under lockdown,” Medusa answered as she curled her hair with her wireless electric blow dryer and hair curler.

“Bummer,” the Kraken walked past a couple of gay Jesuit priests who suddenly found themselves frozen to a park bench captured in the activity they were engaging in, “I wonder if there’s any place that’s open. I’ve got a craving for hot buttered croissants.”

As the Kraken craved croissants, Macron missed his cougars in the French Presidential Palace.

And in a Paris hotel room, the Norse valkyrie Kara awaited the arrival of vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 18th
2020.

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Huchuysisa At Luxor

August 12, 2020 at 11:10 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Inca Vampiress Huchuysisa standing in front of one of the pillars of the Temple of Luxor

The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa stood alongside one of the pillars of the Temple of Luxor.

Approaching her was the ghost of Orson Welles who was walking with the ghost of a man who looked to be dressed in the garb of a classical Greek warrior.

Welles’ ghost was wearing spectral dark sunglasses and appeared to have lost weight the past week by a steady diet of spectral vegan plant based camelburgers.

“Look who I’ve found,” Welles’ ghost flashed a wide smile as he took off his spectral sunglasses.

“Who?” Huchuysisa asked.

“The ghost of Alexander the Great,” Welles introduced the ancient Greek king and conquerer, “Apparently the Greek god Zeus asked his brother Hades to release Alex from the realm of Hades back in January. Hades consented and Alex had gone on a Mediterranean cruise to see what the modern Mediterranean looked like. And wouldn’t you know it, this wretched CCP virus (which WHO has mandated everyone should call the Covid-19 virus so that’s why I’m not doing it) struck. Poor Alex’s ship was sailing aimlessly for months. It was finally allowed to dock in Alexandria after Alexander had to bribe a whole bunch of officials with a bunch of rare and valuable ancient Greek drachma coins that Charon the Styx river ferryman had neglected to remove from Alex’s mouth when he was crossing the Rivers Styx and Acheron after kicking the bucket centuries ago.”

“What is Alexander doing here at Luxor?” Huchuysisa asked.

“He’s come to see the Temple of Luxor where he had himself crowned Pharaoh of Egypt centuries ago,” Welles replied as he lit a spectral Cuban cigar.

“But some scholars claim he was never actually crowned Pharaoh of Egypt here,” Huchuysisa pointed out, “That he never got south of Memphis. That he was only crowned conceptually and not in person here. He got himself crowned conceptually at Luxor since being crowned Pharaoh at Luxor was the Egyptian Pharaohonic thing to do. And Alexander wanted to do it.”

“Is that true, Alex?” Welles’ ghost pulled a large spectral bottle of red wine out of his coat pocket.

“I don’t know,” Alexander’s ghost shrugged, “I can’t remember. I drank a little from the River Lethe (the river of forgetfulness in the Underworld). Not as much as my fellow spectral travellers who were with me did. I do remember much but there’s quite a bit I have forgotten.”

“I wonder,” Welles’ ghost poured himself a spectral glass of spectral red wine, “if Joe Biden ever stumbled and bumbled his way down to the River Lethe in the Underworld and mistaking it for the Pierian Spring, he drank deeply from it.”

The winged horse Pegasus flew by the vampiress and the ghostly duo.

Meanwhile down in his basement, Joe Biden mistaking his pot smoking cactus plant (which was a gift to him from some crazy Australian named Uncle Ernie who had taken way too many cuttings off his adopted nephew’s pet pot cactus plants) for his wife asked the plant, “Dear, who was it I named my Vice-Presidential running mate again? I’ve forgotten.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 12th
2020.

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Renfield, Franz Kohler, Van Helsing, Hera and Zeus On The 75th Anniversary of Hitler’s Death

April 30, 2020 at 9:54 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield, Franz Kohler, Van Helsing, Hera and Zeus On The 75th Anniversary of Hitler’s Death

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed by an independent radio station in Great Falls, Montana.

“So, what do you think of New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio attacking New York’s Hasidic Jewish community in one of his tweets because so many people attended a rabbi’s funeral in Brooklyn?” The interviewer asked.

“Antisemitism can now be added to Bill de Blasio’s long list of inherent stupidities,” Renfield answered.

“Turning towards economics here in America, as millions of Americans are now losing their jobs as a result of the Coronavirus lockdown, the ultra-wealthy elite such as Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, Microsoft founder Bill Gates and Berkshire Hathaway’s Warren Buffett have made an extra $282 billion in just 23 days of the pandemic, what’s your comment on that?” Asked the Great Falls radio journalist.

“In any shitty situation, the super rich always seem to come up smelling like a rose while the rest of us find our bones and blood and tears and sweat mixed in with the rest of the huge amounts of fertilizer dumped on all the middle and lower strata of society,” Renfield replied.

“Is there a way out of this pandemic and what does the post pandemic world hold for us?” The journalist inquired.

“Well Doris Day sang the answer to that question a lot better than I ever could in her song Que Sera, Sera,” said Renfield, “but I will say this, if you honestly believe that a perfect world can be achieved by the likes of Bill Gates, Pope Francis, the Chinese Communist Party, John Kerry, Greta Thunberg, Michael Moore and the whole Transgender movement, you’re crazy.”

. . .

It was 75 years ago today that Nazi Germany’s Fuhrer Adolf Hitler committed suicide only hours after he married his mistress Eva Braun.

What numerous assassination attempts over the years failed to accomplish, marriage succeeded in doing in a few hours.

. . .

“Shit,” Herr Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau said upon hearing the news that Der Fuhrer was dead.

“What is it?” His assistant asked.

“Ironically, with my twisted sense of humour, I had hid the secret formula for Vril energy in a room in the British Museum in London,” Kohler’s tears fell into his sauerkraut, “And now that we’ve lost the war, the Allies may find it.”

. . .

The Greek goddess Hera was standing in a room in the British Museum listening to a jazz rehearsal.

It had come to her attention that two time travellers – Herr Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing – would be racing across the corridors of time to be the first to get to this room on this particular date in 1945.

Van Helsing was the first to arrive carrying his Houdini-Pantages-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern film projector which allowed him to time travel.

“Glad to see you’re the first to arrive, Van Helsing,” Hera smiled at him, “Care to make out?”.

As Van Helsing was busy making out with the Greek goddess Hera, a blue eyed white wolf belonging to the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka carried the secret formula for Vril energy back across time before the SS’ Herr Franz Kohler arrived on the scene.

Meanwhile in a London hotel dining room, the Greek god Zeus was enjoying a feast fit for a king when the ghost of William Shakespeare came up to him and whispered in his ear, “Thou has just been cuckholded.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday April 30th 
2020.

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The New Roaring 20s Off To A Roaring Start

January 1, 2020 at 11:28 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The New Roaring 20s Off To A Roaring Start

The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka welcomed the year of 2020 with a burst of silver snowflakes and paper raindrops.

The obnoxious Achilles was back in Hades and her friend Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander went to the Times of London Berlin bureau to discuss his coverage of the New Year’s Eve literary gala with that newspaper’s bureau chief.

The Olympian Greek god Zeus, who had crashed the party posing as the author of a book on Greek mythogy, had to be carried out on a stretcher and taken to a Berlin hospital.

This happened after Zeus’ wife Hera (who was an officially invited guest to the New Year’s Eve literary gala party) had hit her husband over the head with a statue of the Egyptian goddess Sekhmet. 

Leaving the party in the early hours of January 1st, Tanaka boarded the New Year’s Day dirigible from Berlin to London.

She arrived in London, had breakfast with her friend Dracul Van Helsing and then joined him in viewing the London New Year’s Day Parade.

. . .

In Alexandria Egypt, the Norse trickster god Loki was enjoying a New Year’s Day morning breakfast with Hades the Greek god of the Underworld.

Loki was meeting Hades because he had come up with a plan to add a bit of mischief to the New Year.

“So, what is your plan?” Hades asked Loki between plates of scrambled eggs.

“I think you should grant the ghost of America’s greatest trial criminal defence lawyer Clarence Darrow a temporary dispensation to leave your realm and come back up to Earth,” Loki suggested.

“And why should I do that?” Hades inquired.

“To defend Donald Trump at his trial in the Senate,” Loki smiled mischievously.

“That would certainly ruin Nancy Pelosi’s and Sen. Chuck Schumer’s New Year if I did that,” Hades admitted, “I’ll have to think it over.”

The Israeli Mossad agent code named Star of Azazel was sitting over at the next table across from the two deities.

He smiled at the suggestion.

But he would have to act quickly.

For Star of Azazel was already on his way to Washington DC to meet with Trump.

His proposal to Trump was a way for both the American President and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to escape serious charges in both their respective countries.

And that was to wage war on Iran.

Nothing helps a political leader more than to wage war as a form of distraction for their respective populace.

. . .

The ghost of Alexander the Great had been allowed to leave the realm of Hades for the first time in over 2300 years.

He had appeared out of nowhere aboard a Greek cruise ship sailing in the Mediterranean.

The only thing Alexander knew about his dispensational leave from the realm of Hades was that Zeus had requested it.

Alexander had with him the surprisingly 21st Century tech savvy 3-headed dog Cerberus to guide him through the opening year of this decade.

Cerberus was on his Huawei smart phone (which unbeknownst to him was being monitored by the Black Dragon the supernatural entity advisor to China’s supreme leader Xi Jinping) trying to get in touch with Zeus.

Cerberus managed to reach Zeus’ Amazon assistant Alexa the Magnificent (a Greek Amazon Warrioress with a very nice pair of knockers).

Alexa told Cerberus that Zeus was currently in the comatose patient unit of a Berlin hospital where German Chancellor Angela Merkel was sitting at his bedside reciting to him passages from Homer.

“Zeus is unavailable at the moment,” Cerberus informed Alexander The Great.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 1st
2020.

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Zeus’ New Year’s Eve In Berlin

December 31, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Zeus’ New Year’s Eve In Berlin 

When the Greek god Zeus heard the news that the Germanic god Wotan (aka the Norse god Odin) would be spending his New Year’s Eve in Athens, Greece watching Greek lady belly dancers in the city’s tavernas (although Odin/Wotan told his wife Freya that he’d be snow bowling as opposed to lawn bowling with Thor up at the North Pole), Zeus decided that he’d attend a New Year’s Eve party in the German capital of Berlin.

Buying the latest men’s tuxedo from a fashionable and upscale London tailor (where British Prime Minister Boris Johnson purchased his suits), Zeus flew an old Zeppelin dirigible from London to Berlin.

One of the guests aboard the New Year’s Eve dirigible for select celebrities (of which the Grecian sky god of Mount Olympus was considered to be one) was a former advisor to Donald Trump (who had just discovered hours earlier that he had apparently lost his job on the last day of this year when he read about it in one of the American leader’s recent tweets).

Overdosing on strawberry daiquiris, he got the lead out from the Zeppelin via his rear end when he sat on the edge of the dirigible deck and mooned various U.S. consulates and embassies (that the airship flew over on its way to Berlin) as his own personal form of retaliation.

Zeus was looking very dapper and debonair as he got off the Zeppelin and proceeded to chase anyone wearing a skirt (although he quickly reached the conclusion that the tea members of Berlin’s LGBTQ community wasn’t quite what he had in mind and vowed to be more observant and diligent on his Berlin night out).

As for the now former advisor to Donald Trump, when what was left of him was taken off the airship, they were able to bury all of him in a cigar box and place him 6 feet under in a Berlin cemetery.

Zeus reached a Berlin publishing company’s New Year’s Eve party and decided to crash it.

Posing as the author of a book on Greek mythology, the bearded Olympian was let in.

Zeus noted that his son Dionysus (aka Bacchus) was there.

After 9 PM in the evening, Dionysus fell asleep with his head in the gigantic punch bowl where it remained the rest of the night (with no one bothering to remove it as patrons and guests just scooped up their glasses of punch around the drunken deity’s head).

The Greek hero Achilles was there having recently been granted a temporary dispensation from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone.

Achilles was trying to put the moves on the (quite literally) immortal beautiful Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka who was currently visiting Germany from the U.S. Dakotas.

Belvedere the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander and a reporter for the Times of London was covering the New Year’s Eve literary gala.

During his mortal human life back in the 19th Century (how he ended up the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander and ceased being human was one long sad story), Belvedere had been good friends with the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka and her grandfather White Hawk (who was a great Lakota Sioux Medicine Man).

In fact the three had celebrated together Chief Sitting Bull’s victory over George Armstrong Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.

Noticing that Tanaka was being bothered by the obnoxious and egotistical so-called “hero” of the Trojan War, Belvedere used a spectral bow and arrow (the spirit of the material physical bow and arrow that had been given him as a gift by White Hawk) and fired a spectral arrow at Achilles’ spectral heel.

“Damn! Not again!” Achilles shouted as a group of models wearing the latest dress fashions from Paris and carrying apples in their hands did a catwalk through the party hall.

Achilles fell over and once again departed to the realm of Hades.

Just then Zeus noticed 3 beautiful women standing against the wall by one of the balcony windows.

The Olympian decided to go over and make a move hoping to bring in the New Year with a bang- and possibly three- if he was lucky.

However a huge damper was about to fall on Zeus’ plans for the evening when his wife Hera stepped off the elevator into the party room.

She had been invited to the party by the President of the Berlin Publishing Company.

Hera noticed Zeus chatting up the three beauties.

New Year’s Eve fireworks soon went off.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 31st
2019.

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