Renfield Discusses Day of Fires
Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.
Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”
“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.
“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.
“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”
“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.
“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”
“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.
. . .
The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.
“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”
“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.
“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”
. . .
Today’s date.
Holy Saturday.
The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.
April 20th.
Der Fuhrer’s birthday.
It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.
Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.
Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.
This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.
Kohler’s cigarette went out.
He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.
And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.
Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon
Renfield Vs. Crowley Idolizing Jesuits: Vengeance For The Basilisk Attack On Notre Dame
After Dr. Cadbury Rocher was handed over to his great-grandmother the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to get his buns tomatoed for genetically creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame, Renfield was busy tracking down the Aleister Crowley admiring Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai the dark arts practicing sorcerer who flew the basilisk named Basilisk Wrathsbone that set fire to repair scaffolding at Notre Dame with his fiery venomous breath.
Father Caiaphas worked in the Antiquities Section of the Vatican Museum, headed the Rome chapter of the O.T.O. (Ordo Templi Orientis) and served as an advisor on papal liturgies for the Mass to Pope Francis.
Renfield found out in between blood curdling screams screamed by Dr. Rocher in Sherrielock’s dungeon below the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion that the odour of the weasel was apparently fatal to the basilisk.
Renfield bought a bottle of Odour of Weasel Perfume from a discount drug store in London’s Soho district.
He went down to Set Enterprises laboratory and got Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to visualize the current location of the basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone.
The Baphomet worshipping Jesuit Father Caiaphas bar Yochai had apparently flown the basilisk to Libya for safety after the disastrous choice he made in getting the basilisk to set fire to Notre Dame with its fiery venomous breath.
The basilisk was a big hit with some of the Islamist terrorist militants there who shouted “Allah akbar!” when Notre Dame went up in flames.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had volunteered to fight the basilisk and Father Caiaphas.
Qonzilqointec and Dracul had flown to Amman Jordan to meet Pegasus the winged horse (also genetically recreated by Dr. Cadbury Rocher) who would be their steed in battling the evil basilisk and its evil Jesuit rider.
Pegasus was currently owned by Queen Rania of Jordan.
Aztec vampiress and Canadian slayer returned to London on Pegasus.
There the Aztec vampiress picked up the bottle of Odour of Weasel Perfume from Renfield to slay the evil basilisk and Dracul picked up the authentic sword of Saint George the Dragonslayer from The Old Curiosity Shop (of Dickensonian fame) to slay the evil Jesuit.
Then they were off to Libya for the final showdown.
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec: With a small bottle of Odour of Weasel Perfume in her purse, she’s off to Libya on Pegasus to slay the evil basilisk Basilisk Wrathsbone.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 16th
2019.
The Basilisk and The Fire At Notre Dame Cathedral
Set Enterprises’ resident sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher entered British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s office with a face whiter than a ghost.
“Your face is whiter than I am,” the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill remarked.
“And me as well,” commented the ghost of Orson Welles who was still in a state of shock over the fact that someone commenting on Dracul Van Helsing’s blog had never heard of him Orson Welles.
“And whiter than I am,” added the ghost of the late Ugandan dictator Idi Amin who had dropped into Renfield’s office just for the Hell of it.
“It’s this fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris,” Rocher sat down and helped himself to a bottle of Renfield’s whiskey.
“A devastating tragedy for all of humanity,” Renfield agreed.
And the ghosts of Churchill, Amin and Welles nodded their assent.
Within seconds, Amin’s ghost was chased back to the Underworld by Hades’ 3-headed dog Cerberus since it was Underworld policy that dictators and despots inclined to ethnic genocide should not be allowed to leave the place.
Amin returned to his spit alongside King Leopold II of Belgium down in Tartarus.
“Look at these photos someone text messaged me an hour ago,” Dr. Rocher showed Renfield his phone.
“Unholy smoke, Batman!” Renfield exclaimed, “They show a Jesuit priest (wearing his Jesuit robes and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Aleister Crowley) riding a medieval basilisk and setting fire to repair scaffolding at Notre Dame with the basilisk’s fiery venom.”
“But I thought basilisks died out with the end of the Middle Ages,” Churchill bit the end of his spectral cigar, “so the Renaissance pope Julius II wrote in his diary when he hired Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel in celebration of the death of the last basilisk.”
“Undoubtedly one of those evil 21st Century Transhumanist scientists has genetically re-created a basilisk again just to show the world they could do it,” Welles sipped a spectral glass of red wine.
“That would be me,” Dr. Rocher did a bad impersonation of American comic Bob Newhart whenever the comedian was caught with his pants down- metaphorically speaking (unlike Bill Clinton).
“You recreated a basilisk?” Renfield was shocked (and resolved never to screw in a lightbulb on his own again).
“I did,” Dr. Rocher held his head in shame, “just to show the world I could do it.”
“What did I tell you?” Welles’ ghost finished his wine and thought back to a radio commercial he once did about frozen peas growing in the ground in Norway in mid-July.
“Oh, shut up, Orson,” Churchill’s ghost was getting irritated.
“And you let this Jesuit have it?” Renfield wiped his spectacles, “Don’t you know that a great multitude of Jesuits are a bunch of satanic perverts?”.
“This Jesuit stole it from the barn where it was being held for safekeeping,” Dr. Rocher blubbered, “along with a Nazi vampire who’s the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.”
“These Nazis never get up to any good,” Renfield fumed over his glass of whiskey.
“Agreed,” Chuchill’s ghost affirmed as he fumed over his glass of brandy.
“Most Jesuits never get up to any good either,” Welles poured himself another spectral glass of red wine and recalled a conversation he once had with film director Alfred Hitchcock on the subject.
On the television in Renfield’s office, the Kraken Napoleon VI addressed the world media with the fire smouldering Notre Dame in the background.
“My wife Medusa and I were married in that cathedral,” the Kraken wept octopus (as opposed to crocodile) tears, “we had ourselves crowned Emperor and Empress of France in that Cathedral even though most French citizens never recognized the coronation. The Egyptian vampiress Isis pushed world-famous Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius to his death from the bell tower of Notre Dame. And Dr. Cadbury Rocher used the vampiress Isis’ secret laboratory below Notre Dame (which isn’t so secret anymore now that I just blabbed about it) to re-assemble the sub-atomic particles of the vampire Osiris after he had been disintegrated by a Russian laser death ray.”
“I didn’t know you had done that?” Renfield looked at Dr. Cadbury Rocher, “Does Set know you did that?”.
“He does now,” Dr. Rocher sighed.
Putting on a tartan kilt and a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Mel Gibson as Braveheart William Wallace, the Kraken swore to the world media that he would destroy whoever and whatever was responsible for the fire that engulfed Notre Dame.
“Wait until my great-grandmother the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes finds out I was the one responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame,” Dr. Rocher continued to snivel, “I’ll be unable to sit down comfortably for the next decade.”
“With all due respect, Dr. Rocher,” Renfield admonished, “with this devastation of a great French, European and world cultural landmark, the prospect that your buttocks will be in the upmost suffering and agony for the next 10 years seems the least pressing of all the major problems afflicting the world at the present moment.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 15th
2019.
The immortal world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes:
Will get to the bottom of whoever was responsible for creating the basilisk that caused the fire that engulfed Notre Dame
Semiramis and Dracul Van Helsing: A Place In The Sun
Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon with General Alberto Alfonso Diega
The year was 1948.
And Semiramis was in a certain part of the globe standing alongside General Alberto Alfonso Diega the Deputy Foreign Minister in Generalissimo Francisco Franco’s Spain.
Semiramis had helped Franco’s Spanish Nationalists defeat the Spanish Republicans in the Spanish Civil War.
As such Ernest Hemingway in his 1940 novel For Whom The Bell Tolls never bothered to mention her by name in retaliation for her efforts.
Semiramis, although a fan of John Donne’s poetry and even some of Hemingway’s other writings, didn’t really care.
She feared that if the Spanish Republicans won the Civil War in Spain, the Stalinists would emerge victorious out of all the Republican factions.
She found Stalin to be a boorish and savage little brute.
In this respect, her judgment was more sound than that of many foreign policy advisors in the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Administration.
And now on this day General Diega and some of his men served as her bodyguards at a particular site.
Unknown to the Spanish troops but known to Semiramis, the site was the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb.
In her hand, Semiramis held a watch to see which time traveler showed up first.
Semiramis holds a watch in her hand.
Meanwhile Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was on a wild goose chase having been fed faulty information by allies of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
The wild goose chase had taken him to a flock of wild geese on Beaverhill Lake near Tofield, Alberta, Canada.
“Damn!” Kohler sneezed as he had a severe allergy to wild geese.
Next Kohler found himself in a Classical Music LP Record warehouse.
He went up to a Terminator robot that looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
In his hand, Kohler held a slip of paper with the code word question.
He spoke to the futuristic robot.
“Excuse me, where can I find the Brandenburg Concertos?” Kohler asked the Terminator.
“Aisle B, Bach,” the Terminator replied.
As Kohler went off to discover the explosive LP that would explode in the SS officer’s face, Dracul Van Helsing arrived in time to claim the watch from Semiramis.
“You have won, Van Helsing,” she smiled at him.
And under a beautiful night sky, Semiramis revealed her secrets to Van Helsing including the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 12th
2019.
Allatallahbel On A Desert Highway, Golgotha and DNA Altering Swedish Meatballs
The Vampiress Allatallahbel on a desert highway in Nevada
It had recently come to the attention of Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal that London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were investigating the mysterious death of Argentine adult film star Natacha Jaitt.
German Cardinal Walter Kasper had told her this investigation might prove hazardous to the pontificate of Pope Francis.
And Jorge Mario Bergoglio had proved to be a very accomodating useful idiot to her Vampiric Knights-Templar and their Freemasonic allies.
Allatallahbel decided she better do something to end the investigation.
She had discovered their investigation had taken them to an Argentine run casino in Las Vegas Nevada.
Now it was taking them to a little known polar bear fur trading post in the Nevada desert which was proving to be a huge Donald Trump approved tax write-off for the Argentine run casino.
Allatallahbel put on her best desert highway hitchhiking attire on the road Agathor and Magog would be driving towards the money losing polar bear fur trading post:
Both men (who were not wearing seat belts) went flying through the windshields of their Budget Rent-A-Car Volkswagen when Magog hit the brakes upon seeing her.
. . .
DARPA contract assasin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had felt a craving for a Meatball Marinara sub sandwich at the Subway store in a nearby mall.
He had gone there and discovered to his horror that a ugly looking woman was already in line at the counter in front of him.
Goatee whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women promptly beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete.
He had lost his appetite upon seeing the ugly looking creature and decided to walk to a nearby discount supermarket to buy some bottles of generic brand Diet Cola.
He of course got in line behind a beautiful looking woman.
But then an ugly looking woman who was stupid as well as ugly that was in front of the beautiful looking woman had discovered that she had brought the wrong brands of pizza- the ones not on sale- and tried getting in Pan Goatee’s way to go get the properly discounted ones.
Goatee promptly beheaded the ugly looking airhead.
“To raise the collective IQ of the world and improve the Earth’s aesthetic beauty all in one stroke,” Goatee remarked as he put the astral laser machete back in his Clint Eastwood autographed Two Mules For Sister Sarah spaghetti western holster.
. . .
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith inside one of the catacombs in Rome
Lilith was in one of the catacombs beneath the Vatican.
Near one of the tombs of the ancient Nephilim giants that the Vatican had kept hidden from the world for centuries.
On the grave of a rare Nephilim dwarf, Imhotep the Rome-based Egyptian souvenir vendor and former High Priest-Scientist of Ra was working overtime to save the Undead life of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler.
He had found Kohler’s body after the latter had been shot with silver bullets fired at him by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing at the Latin numeral Clock of Thoth in London a couple of nights ago.
Imhotep had used a papal dirigible The Sindenburg to fly the body from London to Rome.
He had extracted the silver bullets from Kohler’s body while on the Sindenburg and then used a brew of extracts of three tana leaves (as recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to keep the SS vampire alive.
Now he was about to use a brew of extracts of nine tana leaves (also recommended by the Universal Pictures Mummy horror movies of the early 1940s) to restore full movement, life and consciousness back to the SS vampire.
Lilith smiled as she saw Kohler’s eyes open and then ask, “Does anybody know where I can buy some good Bavarian beer sausage?”.
. . .
The Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth was having a lunch of Guinness stout and pork pies with the Himalayan golden cobra serpent Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland a couple of years ago.
“Do you know what they’re now claiming in Pakistan?” Yaldabaoth asked Maitreya.
“No, what?” Maitreya asked as he used a New Age crystal healing stone (highly recommended by Tom Brady’s witch wife Gisele Bundchen) to try to re-heat his pork pie.
“That the recent Indian air strikes on Pakistan were part of a combined Hindu-Zionist plot to destroy Pakistan,” Yaldabaoth downed a full 72 ounce glass of Guinness, “and that Israeli Air Force pilots even participated in the air strikes on Pakistan.”
“How stupid can people get,” Maitreya remarked as using the New Age healing stone to re-heat his pork pie seemed to be going nowhere.
“I hope this won’t affect me any,” Yaldabaoth gorged down a whopping piece of pork pie, “my mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom told the Neo-Platonist schools of Alexandria that I Yaldabaoth am the same entity as Yahweh the god of the Hebrews. She came up with this idea after going on a hallucinogenic trip when she drank some fermented juice that was given her by the Hindu moon god Soma. This idea has since passed into Gnosticism where many Gnostic groups are convinced that I’m a bumbling demi-urge who stupidly created the material universe- the same charge that’s leveled against Yahweh.”
“I think with your love of pork pies,” Maitreya threw away the New Age healing stone in disgust, “no one would mistake you for the god of the Hebrews.”
. . .
Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess ready to steal some DNA altering Swedish meat balls from a combined lab and kitchen in Stockholm.
The vampiress Golgotha had been sent to Stockholm Sweden by her mother the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.
It had come to the attention of Lilith’s vast intelligence network that the Norse goddess Freya working in concert with the famous Swedish-Italian cook Chef Bjorg Jar (pronounced Yar) Dee had invented some DNA altering Swedish meatballs which, when consumed, gave people super human strength.
Lilith desired these DNA altering Swedish meatballs for the vast army of warriors she was building in Central Asia.
And now Golgotha dressed as a Viking warrior princess would be battling the intelligence agencies of the world in the kitchens of Stockholm to get the secret recipe for these DNA altering Swedish meatballs.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 14th
2019.
Semiramis and Dracul Van Helsing In 1890s San Francisco
Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon in the San Francisco of the 1890s
Semiramis had been having dinner with British Prime Minister Theresa May discussing Brexit and the Irish border question when suddenly the ghost of the Rev. Ian Paisley (recently granted temporary dispensational release from Purgatory by Hades the Greek god of the Underworld) showed up complaining about the fact that there was indeed a Purgatory which the good reverend stated that he found very offensive to his Ulster style Presbyterian beliefs.
To top it off, Rev. Paisley complained that his little corner of Purgatory happened to be right next door to the little corner of Tartarus where Rodrigo Borgia (better known as Pope Alexander VI) was busy roasting away on his spit.
The debaucherous evil pontiff’s screams were keeping him awake at night, Rev. Paisley bellyached.
Rev. Paisley then glanced at Semiramis and the very short skirted mini dress she was wearing.
“Aren’t you the Whore of Babylon?” Rev. Paisley asked Semiramis as he clutched a rare first edition of Alexander Hislop’s The Two Babylons in his ghostly spectral hands.
Semiramis gave the Rev. Ian Paisley such a fierce slap across his ghostly spectral face that it sent the late former Northern Ireland politician flying all the way to European Commission headquarters in Brussels.
“Excuse me,” Semiramis addressed Theresa May as she ran off to the washroom.
“How dare that orangish little bigot call me a whore,” Semiramis applied a very deep scarlet coloured rouge red lipstick to her lips as she looked at her lovely beautiful reflection in the mirror.
The lipstick she was applying to her lips was her time travelling lipstick- lipstick that enabled her to travel anywhere in time.
“Take me to San Francisco in the 1890s,” she whispered as she closed her eyes.
Semiramis found herself in 1890s San Francisco dressed in a lovely and beautifully elegant dress and hat of that decade.
“Well, how about this for a coincidence?” Dracul Van Helsing looked up from the bed on which he had been lying.
Minutes before, he had been sent to this time and place by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor as a result of the ghosts of John F. Kennedy and Nikita Krushchev arguing over the controls at the site.
Van Helsing picked up Krushchev’s shoe and threw it out the hotel room window where it landed on one of Richard M. Nixon’s forebears who had gone shopping for new kitchen decor along with his wife.
“That sounds like lovely music the orchestra is playing in the hotel ballroom downstairs,” Semiramis flicked back her hair, “why don’t we go downstairs and dance and then come back up here and have tantric sex afterwards?”.
“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Van Helsing got dressed.
Downstairs they danced to the Blue Danube Waltz of Johann Strauss.
The time travelling Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler entered the ballroom at that moment and noticed the pair.
Kohler was in the San Francisco of the 1890s investing in steam bath houses as, being from the future, he knew that investing in bath houses would prove to be a profitable investment in San Francisco.
“What a ravishingly beautiful woman,” Kohler looked longingly at Semiramis and seethed with jealousy at Van Helsing.
He recalled a lecture that he had once heard “that odious Jewish ghost” (in Kohler’s own words) of Sigmund Freud deliver in a London Masonic hall a few weeks ago in 2019, that Tammuz seemed to spend more time on the Viennese psychoanalyst’s couch down in Purgatory than anybody else.
He could see why.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 9th
2019.
Atargatis and Van Helsing, Whitstable and Priyanka, Sherrielock Holmes and Maduro
The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis in human form
The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis had shapeshifted into fully human form and was sitting in a luxury hotel suite in a swank New York City hotel in February of 1944.
A huge battle was currently going on between time travellers.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was battling Nazi SS Ahnenerbe officer Franz Kohler up and down the corridors of time and various epochs in history.
Kohler was using the technology of Die Glocke a bell shaped space-going and time travelling Nazi UFO like saucer craft.
Dracul Van Helsing was using the Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr prototype magic lantern film projector to travel back and forth through time.
Also interfering in the time travelling war was the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland being run by scientists who were indulging in far too much use of legalized recreational Canadian cannabis.
Also partaking in the pot inhalation was the Hindu god Shiva (whose statue was outside the CERN tunnel) who as a result was trying to conduct the Swiss National Symphony Orchestra into conducting a personal musical number that the deity was composing tentatively called Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony Meets Freddie Mercury’s Bohemian Rhapsody.
The first negative critic of the piece was Shiva’s wife Kali who was using all ten of her arms to cover her ears and when that didn’t work had fled to an artist’s studio on a quiet Greek island.
Now the conflict between Van Helsing and Kohler had turned to New York City in February 1944 a few months before the June D-Day Invasion of Normandy.
Van Helsing had just managed to evade arrest by Astana Kazakhstan police authorities for an assassination attempt on Russian President Vladimir Putin and the supernatural entity Black Dragon of Beijing.
The vampire hunter did have an alibi in that he was being spanked by and having tantric sex with the vampiress Golgotha (vampiress daughter of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) at the time.
But the Astana Kazakhstan authorities were the type to torture first and ask questions later.
So Van Helsing pressed the button on his Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr protype magic lantern and found himself in New York City in February 1944.
As a result of Orson Welles one of the inventors of the Magic Lantern (whose prototype was finally completed by Austro-American actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr) loving to direct films in black and white, the world Van Helsing found himself in as he was time travelling was often in black and white.
“So, Mr. Van Helsing,” the human formed goddess Atargatis greeted him as he landed on her Persian rug in her elegant New York City suite, “I suppose you’re here to ask, where have I hidden the Greek sea god Poseidon’s trident?”.
Van Helsing decided to engage in French kissing with the elegant black silk blouse and elegant white skirt wearing northern Syrian goddess instead.
As for the whereabouts of Poseidon’s trident… well that was all Greek to Van Helsing.
. . .
The mermaid Priyanka on the rocks at Vancouver’s English Bay.
Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking along the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay.
He had spent the past couple of weeks traversing British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula trying to find Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever who had been abducted by the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the daughter of Fu Manchu) as vengeance for the Canadian arrest at Vancouver International Airport of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.
The pot smoking cactus plant would be freed when Meng Wanzhou was fully freed.
The plant had been hidden in the pot smoke covered hippy village of Calypso’s Bosom (a New Age Aquarian Age equivalent of Scotland’s mystical village of Brigadoon) on the Peninsula that had vanished off the face of the earth back in 1969 when Neil Armstrong said “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for…” and there the transmission had ended when all the hippy commune members’ minds had blown simultaneously and the village had disappeared in a mystical marijuana laced mist of pot smoke.
The village/hippy commune only appeared once every 7 years for a single day and a single night.
Only supernatural entities such as vampiresses, gods and goddesses could access the village in the “meantime and in-between time” as an old Stampede Wrestling ring side announcer might phrase it.
Whitstable had hoped that by carrying the supernatural relic of the right hand middle finger of the last Knights-Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay (the same middle finger that de Molay had raised towards his papal interrogators and his French Royal Army captors as he was being burnt at the stake on the night of March 18th 1314) in his pocket that he’d be able to locate the elusive village/hippy commune but no such luck.
It would be another few years before the village/hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom appeared on its own again.
In the meantime Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was pulling his hair out (and might end up having to wear a toupee like his southern neighbour Donald Trump) until his pot smoking prickly little buddy Strawberry Fields Forever was returned to him.
As Whitstable approached the mermaid Priyanka leaning against a rock, he recognized her.
The mermaid might be able to help him with another case he was working on.
The Greek god of the sea Poseidon had recently reported to Interpol that his trident had been stolen.
“Excuse me, Priyanka,” Whitstable greeted the mermaid, “Do you know where Poseidon’s trident is?”.
. . .
World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was in Caracas Venezuela on a mission for the British government.
British House of Commons Covert Intelligence Committee Co-Chairman Renfield R. Renfield had decided that drastic action must be taken against Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro for Venezuelan Army soldiers gunning down innocent civilians who were trying to bring food and medical supplies across the Venezuelan-Brazilian border.
Sherrielock Holmes was across from Maduro’s Presidential Palace carrying a poison tipped umbrella.
The poison in the umbrella tip would render Maduro permanently impotent.
The only antidote to the “permanently impotent” poison would be a sperm transfusion from Donald Trump.
Something Maduro would be most reluctant to consider.
When Maduro left the palace, Sherrielock KO’d Maduro’s entire bodyguard with karate kicks.
She then injected the umbrella’s poisoned tip into Maduro’s penis.
The Venezuelan President was now permanently (as opposed to 95% of the time) impotent.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 23rd
2019.
Meanwhile in the room next door in the swank New York City hotel in February 1944, the Norse goddess Freya had knocked out Franz Kohler with a bottle of French champagne.
“What a sad waste of French champagne!” Freya thought to herself.
More International Intrigue With International Goddesses In Berlin November 1938
The Norse Valkyrie Kara being accosted by the London based multimillionaire ancient Egyptian vampire businessman Set on a Berlin street in November 1938
Outside the Berlin hotel room of the ancient Egyptian vampire Sol Invictus Set, Thor the Norse god of thunder watched in horror as the Norse goddess Freya tried to talk Set out of supporting Hitler.
Thor saw Set leave the hotel and go strolling through the streets of Berlin deep in thought.
Thor dropped his hammer Mjolnir on his big toe, cursed and realized he better do something quick.
What would his fellow beer drinking buddies and fellow deities Ares (the Greek god of war) and Morrigan (the Celtic goddess of war) say if the best laid plans of gods and goddesses (for war) went astray like the best laid plans of mice and men?
As Thor sat rubbing his toe and pondering his dilemma, a mouse ran down the street chasing a piece of cheese (being blown by the wind) and the cheese wound up under the kilt of a visiting Scottish bagpiper who was playing the song Auld Lang Syne on his bagpipes.
Thor decided to send the Valkyrie Kara in Set’s direction and seduce Set back into following Hitler.
Kara stepped from a cab on to the sidewalk right in front of Set and as Thor suspected he would, Set followed the swaying skirt of the seductive femme fatale Valkyrie Kara down the street.
Kara stopped on the steps of her apartment building and waited for Sol Invictus Set to catch up.
He approached the steps and looked at her longingly like a long lost puppy:
“Well, Mr. Sol Invictus Set,” Kara spoke in a sultry sensuous voice, “How would you like to come up to my place and I’ll show you my war plans and battle etchings?”.
Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler much to his personal embarrassment had a little trouble getting up to speed in the presence of Set’s niece Sekhmeta (who was really the Egyptian lion goddess Sekhmet as a Churchillian spy in disguise).
But such is the inherent personal shortcomings of many world leaders who try to make their country great again.
Sekhmeta suggested going down to the Doctor Faustus Cabaret where many of the top Nazi scientists hung out after hours.
Hitler agreed.
When they got there, Sekhmeta went backstage, put on a costume and performed on stage much to the delight of Der Fuhrer and the top Nazi scientists:
Franz Kohler of the Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau of the SS was standing in a Berlin art gallery looking at a painting of the Persian goddess Anahita:
“That painting looks like a combination of being both from the past and the future at the same time,” Franz Kohler thought to himself, “And that statue of a celestial entity behind the goddess Anahita seems to be actually coming to life.”
The next day Sekhmeta boarded a private plane at a private airport in Berlin:
She was carrying in her suitcase all the Nazi flying saucer plans she had obtained from drunken Nazi scientists.
Sekhmeta’s theft of the plans would set the Nazi flying saucer program back by several years.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 21st
2018.
