Pan Goatee Beheads A Trio of Uglos On The Wednesday Prior To Summer Solstice

June 19, 2024 at 9:58 pm (Aesthetics) (Pan Goatee)

Pan Goatee (whose henna tattoos have disappeared) battles and beheads a super repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp in a supermarket parking lot

World famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee noticed that his henna tattoos had disappeared overnight.

The satyr being the intelligent scholar that he was only got henna tattoos on his arms.

Because permanent tattoos only capture a moment in time and moments in time pass.

Therefore he only got henna tattoos.

As henna tattoos were temporary and not permanent.

It was like when he took a course in A History of Crime at Oxford University (the satyr had become the first satyr in all recorded history to win a Rhodes Scholarship to attend Oxford University), he noticed in the course he took that most serial killers in recorded history only seemed to kill beautiful women.

“What a bunch of morons and imbeciles,” Pan Goatee thought to himself.

The satyr resolved that if he ever became a serial killer, he would kill ugly women as well as the moronic men who date or marry them.

Having become a serial killer, he did just that.

Pan Goatee went to the neighbourhood donut shop on this soon approaching the end of spring day.

A pair of uglos did enter the donut shop but they wisely sat at a table far from him and didn’t bother to approach him.

So the satyr left them alone.

Exiting the donut shop, he went to the Dollar store to pick up bottles of Cola that were on sale.

Again no uglos in there.

As he walked across the parking lot to head to the intersection to head home, a repulsively ugly looking fat ugly blimp approached him.

Being a low IQ moron, she made no attempt to get as far from him as possible.

The end result of this moronic blunder of a decision (her previous moronic blunders of decisions had included voting for Justin Trudeau in every Canadian Federal Election since 2015) resulted in her being beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

Justin Trudeau’s Canadian Federal Liberal Party had just lost one more voter.

And Krampus was now carrying more remains to the bottom of Tartarus.

One place where global warming was indeed an established fact.

The Oxford scholar (who had majored in Classics and Philosophy and minored in Art History and English Literature at the prestigious English University) went home and after checking his email discovered that he had come in 9th place in a Shakespeare Theme Challenge Contest at an AI Art Image Generating site.

Several hours later he decided to go to the neighbourhood supermarket.

He hadn’t been there for a while as they seemed to have only uglo looking cashiers working there lately.

When he entered the supermarket store, sure enough, there was an uglo looking cashier standing very close to the store entrance.

So the satyr beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

As he walked around, there were still no pretty cashiers working.

And there was one really repulsively ugly looking uglo female customer walking around so Pan beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

Meanwhile in the Prime Minister’s Office in Ottawa, Justin Trudeau inquired of an aide, “Why is it that my polling numbers in Calgary seem to drop with each passing week?”.

. . .

Senile old fool Joe Biden was having a conversation with his angelic adviser Mephistopheles.

“So you think that if I debate Donald Trump on CNN’s proposed presidential debate, that you should enter my body as a stand-in and debate Trump instead of me, myself and I,” Biden blinked and wished that he had some young female hair to sniff close by, “Why one would think that you think that I have dementia or something?”.

“I think it’s very advisable that I do the debating,” the fallen archangel answered.

“I hope the FEC doesn’t order CNN to let Independent candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. participate in the debate,” Biden scratched his nose.

“That would be a disaster of unparalleled proportions,” Mephistopheles agreed, “As a Calgary based geopolitical analyst (whose words we in the infernal underworld study closely) said, “If Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is allowed to appear in a wide audience before the American public and voters discover that he’s an intelligent articulate man who gives thoughtful detailed answers to questions (like his father Robert F. Kennedy Sr. used to do) and is not the paranoid crack job that the so-called journalists working in the brainless mainstream media claim him to be, Bobby will decisively beat both Trump and Biden and have many Republicans, Democrats and Independents voting for him.” We in the infernal underworld take this evaluation and analysis very seriously.”

“Well I’ve denied that bastard secret service protection,” Biden dropped a load in his pants, “I wish someone would hurry up and shoot the bastard.”

“The Process Church of the Final Judgment is working on it,” Mephistopheles pointed out, “as the Process Church did have Sirhan Sirhan, Charles Manson and Son of Sam David Berkowitz go through their training programs.”

“On another front,” Biden peed his pants, “What are we going to do about Russia 🇷🇺 sending some of its naval ships to the Caribbean?”.

In fact the Russian Navy nuclear powered submarine The Kazan had left the Bay of Havana this past Monday June 17th 2024 ahead of expected “high precision missile weapons training” in the Caribbean.

“Well one of our disciples the South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo (who is Dr. Anthony Fauci’s most trusted South African colleague) has been led by a witch’s stang (once personally used and personally blessed by Pope Francis) using it as a divining rod to locate the cut up, dismembered and burnt remains of Francois l’Olonnais (born Jean-David Nau and lived from 1630 to 1669) the most cruel, wicked and merciless of all historical Caribbean pirates. With help from Asclepius, Thoth and the 3 Fate spinners of Greek mythology, they managed to sew and piece together l’Olonnais back together again. Makabo then united the ruthless French pirate’s soul (released from Tartarus at the request of Pope Francis) with his body. Francois l’Olonnais has been given a new name Captain Francois Cauchemar and is now alive and well and terrorizing a brothel in New Orleans.”

“What does this have to do with the Russian Naval presence in the Caribbean?” Biden broke wind as he ate a plate of Boston baked beans.

“I want you to sign an Executive Order granting Captain Francois Cauchemar (formerly Francois l’Olonnais formerly Jean-David Nau) American citizenship, promote him to the rank of 4 Star Admiral and then name him Admiral of the U.S. Caribbean Fleet,” Mephistopheles ordered.

“Can I do that?” Biden crapped his pants again.

“Of course, you can, you numbskull,” Mephistopheles started foaming at the mouth like a British Conservative candidate, “and then Admiral Cauchemar’s ruthlessness will spell the end of the Russian Fleet in the Caribbean.”

-A Pan Goatee tale
and vampire novel chapter
Written Thursday June 19th
2024.