Belvedere and The Enchantress
Belvedere and The Enchantress
It was a hot August night in 1885.
And Belvedere the bartender at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon was the laughing stock of the entire town of Hayden Colorado.
Earlier in the evening, Belvedere had told a saloon bar patron that he was still a virgin.
“What?” The patron started laughing his head off, “You’re 45 years old and you’re still a virgin?”.
Word of Belvedere’s admission had spread around the town like wildfire.
When a fire ranger rode up from Denver to Hayden and was told there was no actual fire, he fell off his horse 🐴 laughing when told the real reason for the excitement in town.
Unfortunately for Belvedere, his employer Sherrielock Holmes the proprietress of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon was away attending an opera in San Francisco on the West Coast.
Otherwise she’d have tomatoed many of the townspeople’s bottoms for making fun of her bartender.
Belvedere sat on the wooden sidewalk in front of the saloon blubbering away when a beautiful blonde woman walked by.
“What’s wrong, Belvedere?” The beautiful blonde asked.
“Do I know you?” Belvedere blinked at her.
“I’m Serena, one of the new girls that Miss Sherrielock hired last week,” the blonde sat beside him and raised her skirt showing very shapely legs.
“Oh yes, I heard Miss Holmes had hired some new girls,” Belvedere blew his nose into his tie and then took it off and put it into a box intending to give it as a Christmas gift to the man who had told the whole town that he was a virgin.
The lovely blonde reached into her low-cut blouse and pulled out a beautiful railway watch on a chain (that she kept between her cleavage).
“I see it’s 8 in the evening,” Serena cooed, “what do you intend to do the rest of the night?”.
“I have no idea,” Belvedere looked up at the night sky 🌌 and saw a shooting star 🌠.
“Did you make a wish, Belvedere?” She moved closer to him and put her arms around him.
“Um, yes I did,” said Belvedere.
“Well, why don’t you come up to my room then,” she whispered in his ear, “and then we can make your wish come true.”
Belvedere looked inside the water trough for the horses that was a few feet away.
The reflection in the water showed the pyramids of Egypt against the night sky.
Belvedere thought it was an opportune night to make his wish come true.
He walked up the saloon’s back stairs with Serena to her room.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 22nd
2017.
Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis
Renfield, Michelangelo and The Vampiress Isis
Newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was hard at work in his Parliamentary office at Westminster.
“Hello, Venus In Stilettos 👠 Escort Agency?” Renfield was on the phone, “I was wondering if you could send a girl over to my Parliamentary office here in Westminster?”.
A voice similar to that of Charlie Brown’s teacher on old TV Peanuts cartoon specials spoke in reply.
“What am I interested in?” Renfield asked, “A literal reenactment of the title of that old Bryan Adams song The Summer of ’69.”
A choked gasp came from the voice that sounded like Peanuts Charlie Brown’s teacher.
“That’s right,” Renfield nodded and grinned, “I want to be able to say these are the best days of my life.”
The voice spoke again.
“Thanks,” Renfield smiled, “Send her right over.”
Renfield put the phone down and manicured his fingernails.
“Who knew that being an MP could be so much fun?” Renfield looked at himself in the mirror atop his desk.
The phone rang again.
“Renfield R. Renfield,” the new MP answered.
It was the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis calling.
“Oh, hello, Isis,” Renfield undid his tie, “Thanks very much for taking me on that month long motorcycle 🏍 tour of France right after I was elected MP.”
“It was my pleasure, Rennie dearest,” Isis spoke in a sultry seductive voice, “Now, I was wondering if you would do me a favour.”
“Anything,” Renfield looked at his globe of the world.
“I understand Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster has the ability to enter people’s dreams,” Isis stated.
“That is correct,” Renfield picked up a volume of Jung On The Collective Unconscious.
“I was wondering if you could talk to Michelangelo and get his psychic antennae to pay attention to this one certain individual’s dreams for me,” Isis requested.
“Well,” Renfield in his mind’s eye could see his former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set slashing his delicate Renfieldian throat with those 66-inch long vampirically red fingernails of his, “Um… well as you know Michelangelo is a genetic creation bought and paid for by my former boss Set’s hard earned billions. I really don’t feel like betraying my former boss especially when I’m still living in his mansion.”
“Fine, you be loyal to your former boss then,” the vampiress Isis laughed an evil laugh, “but don’t be so unhappy when I send all those London newspapers the photos I took of you in all those compromising positions with various young French mademoiselles.”
Renfield was silent for a moment.
Finally he grabbed a pen and paper and spoke, “And what was the name of the individual whose dreams you want Michelangelo to enter?”.
Isis mentioned the individual’s name.
Renfield wrote it down.
He then hung up the phone without bothering to say good-bye.
That name sounded familiar for some reason.
Renfield checked his mobile phone and read an email that his friend and former co-employee Amadeus Emanon had sent him that afternoon.
“You asked me to tell you whenever Michelangelo predicted a good sound investment for the future. This afternoon he came up with one. He recommends you buy paintings painted by the South African artist SAREJESS as sound art investments for the future.
-Amadeus ”
Renfield looked at the globe of the world again.
Was this coincidence?
Or a case of Jungian synchronicity at work?
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 19th
2017.
South African Artist SAREJESS and The Sundial On A Moonlit Night
The great South African artist SAREJESS was dreaming another dream.
He dreamed he was in an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh’s palace on the River Nile.
He walked outside the 2nd floor of the palace on to the veranda overlooking the garden.
It was nighttime.
And a bright full moon was overhead in the clear night sky over the surrounding desert.
SAREJESS looked down at a sundial on the veranda.
He noticed the full moon was casting its shadow on the sundial.
Telling the time at night.
What an unusual night this was, SAREJESS thought to himself.
Then he awakened.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 20th
2017.
Apollo 11 Lands On The Moon
On July 20th, 1969 at 20:18 UTC, the Apollo 11 lunar landing module The Eagle landed on the moon. Later, mission commander Neil Armstrong and pilot Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon.
“Say, Neil,” Buzz called out, “Do you see what I see over there?”.
Armstrong looked in the direction that Aldrin pointed.
“It looks like an ancient Nile River barge,” Armstrong replied.
“Exactly,” said Aldrin.
No sooner had Aldrin spoken that word, then the vessel vanished.
The conversation was never included in any of the transcripts of the dialogue carried on between Apollo 11 astronauts on the moon.
And for those who believe that man never landed on the moon (that the footage was all faked), the conversation never happened at all.
And as far as a certain ancient entity was concerned, the more people who believed that, the better.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 20th
2017.
South African Artist SAREJESS and The Sands of Time
South African Artist SAREJESS and The Sands of Time
The great South African artist SAREJESS was dreaming.
He was dreaming he was walking along a very sandy beach.
On the beach was a huge hourglass.
The hourglass looked to be ancient.
The sands had run out.
The upper glass bulb of the hourglass was empty.
While the lower bulb beneath the hourglass’ narrow neck was full of sand.
A huge wave suddenly came in towards the shore and surrounded the hourglass.
Mermaids leapt forth from the waves.
They turned the hourglass over.
So once again the sands of time were flowing through the hourglass.
The waves retreated and the alluringly beautiful mermaids went with them.
And the hourglass was once again on the sandy beach.
For the beach was now completely dry again despite having been hit by the waves carrying the magical mermaids.
And sand flowed down from the upper glass tube (that moments before had been the lower glass tube) through the hourglass’ narrow neck into the new lower glass tube (that prior to the sudden advent of wave and mermaid had been the upper glass tube).
A voice spoke to SAREJESS from beyond the ocean, “Behold the sands of time are flowing once more.”
Then SAREJESS woke up.
He ran to his studio.
This scene he felt compelled to paint. 🎨
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2017.
To buy a genuine authentic oil painting by the great South African artist SAREJESS for yourself, please visit http://www.sarejess.co.za/
The Sands of Time In The Hourglass: A Poem
The sands of time in the hourglass
show us this moment will not last
so Carpe Diem and seize the day
follow your dreams, come what may,
Even philosophers wasting away in Margaritaville
or any tavern within and without Seville
will tell you over their cocktail filled med,
“I’d rather die while I’m living than live when I’m dead.”
-A poem written by Christopher
Thursday June 29th 2017.
Renfield and Jane Austen
British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield returned to his home- the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
At the door, he was greeted by Set’s personal valet and butler Athelstan.
“You’re wearing more black than usual today, Athelstan,” Renfield noted, “Is there something wrong?”.
“Begging your pardon today, sir,” Athelstan answered, “but I’m in mourning.”
“Did your mother die after being killed in a bar room brawl arguing over who’s the best premier league football player in all England?” Renfield asked.
“No, sir,” Athelstan shook his head, “but I do worry about that happening, I must admit. Every time I see her, I keep telling her, Mother, you’re going to have to stop drinking and getting into violent arguments about British, European and FIFA World Football at the same time. Having to bail you out of jail all the time is starting to affect my savings to say nothing of my worrying about you being killed in one of these silly arguments.”
“If it’s not your mother,” Renfield inquired, “who is it that you’re in mourning for?”.
“It was 200 years ago today, sir, on July 18th 1817 that the great British novelist Jane Austen died,” Athelstan looked sad, “I’m in mourning for her.”
“Did you personally know her, Athelstan?” Renfield opened up a bottle of Brown Ale.
“No, sir, I’m not a vampire, I’m a mortal 50 years old,” Athelstan replied, “but I do love her work.”
“Didn’t Dracul Van Helsing once play Mr. Darcy in an amateur drama company’s live theatrical production of Pride and Prejudice in his home town in Alberta, Canada?” Renfield asked.
“I believe he did, sir,” Athelstan nodded.
“Well, carry on then, Athelstan,” Renfield looked at his watch, “and do let me know when it’s the 200th Anniversary of Charles Dickens’ death.”
“I will, sir,” Athelstan took Renfield’s hat and cane and now empty bottle of Brown Ale.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2017.
Renfield and The UK Foreign Affairs Committee
Renfield and The UK Foreign Affairs Committee
Newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was named to the UK Parliamentary All-Party Committee On Foreign Affairs.
He was asked to give a presentation today on last Friday’s Bastille Day meeting between French President Emmanuel Macron and U.S. President Donald Trump.
For the presentation, MP Renfield made a short music video- a video showing the never ending handshake between Mr. Trump and Mr. Macron on the streets of Paris.
Instead of news audio commentary on the video, he had the musical soundtrack of that old Beatles song “I want to hold your hand” playing in the background.
As Trump held Macron’s hand, the Beatles could be heard singing,
“Oh, please say to me
You’ll let me be your man
And please say to me
You’ll let me hold your hand
Now, let me hold your hand
I want to hold your hand…”
Renfield’s music video presentation on the handshake left his fellow MPs speechless.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 17th
2017.
Wonder Woman: A Poem
Wonder Woman: A Poem
A woman of mysterious origin
finds herself in world of war and sin
she lived most of her life in an island paradise
soon finds herself in a world of deception and lies
Her isle and time intertwine
War has come to destroy peace sublime
She finds herself in London in the midst of the Great War
and soon in France amidst much blood and gore
But is it Ares who has led man astray?
Or when the light in men’s hearts succumbs to darkness’ way?
-A poem written
by Christopher
Sunday July 16th
2017
(inspired by seeing the new Wonder Woman movie with Gal Gadot today)
Gali-Gula and Justin Trudeau At The Calgary Stampede
Gali-Gula and Justin Trudeau At The Calgary Stampede
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was at the Calgary Stampede today.
As he went around acknowledging the crowds and acknowledging the boos, Justin hoped he wouldn’t run into any one smoking marijuana during the Stampede.
On every occasion when he inhaled even a whiff of marijuana, he’d always run into that annoying ET gray from the planet Nibiru- an ET gray named Gali-Gula (whose extraterrestrial 👽 body was possessed by the ghost of the late ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula).
Seeing Gali-Gula at the recent Canada 🇨🇦 Day 150 celebrations in Ottawa had so flabbergasted Justin, he forgot to mention the province of Alberta in his Parliament Hill speech.
Now as he walked around the Stampede grounds, he hoped he wouldn’t catch a whiff of marijuana.
He happened to notice a group of people holding up a sign saying WE SUPPORT A CARBON TAX.
He went over to talk to them and caught the biggest whiff of marijuana smoke imaginable from the group.
“Oh, no!” Justin quickly walked away.
He went to talk to another group of people.
And in the crowd, ET gray Gali-Gula asked him, “If I threw a grenade and killed someone, would you pay me $10.5 million like you did Omar Khadr?”.
“Fuck you asshole!” An angry 😡 Justin replied.
“What was that?” Alberta Premier Rachel Notley looked at Justin with a great look of astonishment and horror.
“Sorry,” Justin apologized, ” I was talking to Gali-Gula the ET gray standing behind you.”
People looked and not seeing anyone there, they raised their eyebrows and looked suspiciously at Justin.
Justin was then called away to officially open a rubber duck pond which had never been officially opened during the whole time of the Stampede.
As Justin pronounced the words “I officially declare this rubber duck pond open”, Gali-Gula held up a sign that said, THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR KHAYYAM – 11th CENTURY AD. THE RUBY YACHT OF OMAR KHADR- 21St CENTURY AD.
“Go fuck yourself, you tiny little son of a bitch,” Justin screamed.
A small child broke into tears.
“No, no,” Justin apologized, “I didn’t mean you.”
Two of the Prime Minister’s aides looked at one another.
They better get the Prime Minister the Hell out of here before he inflicted any more collateral damage.
They grabbed him and ran straight out of the Stampede grounds.
A 75-year-old ramrod straight cowboy in an ancient looking white Stetson (who had no use for anyone with the last name of Trudeau) shouted after him, “Hey you bum, it’s going to be difficult taking your shirt off for a selfie while you’re wearing a straight jacket.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 15th
2017.
