Cleopatra and The Serpent At Tara On Saint Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Cleopatra and The Serpent At Tara On Saint Patrick’s Day

At a Buddhist temple in London, one of the monks awoke and went into the meditation room to pray.

He was shocked to discover that the giant statue of the Future Buddha To Come had been stolen.

He immediately went and told one of his fellow monks, “The statue of the Maitreya has been stolen.”

“How,” his brother monk asked, “could such a large statue have been stolen?”.

. . .

Inside a cave deep in the Himalayas on the Nepal-Tibet border, the sleeping giant golden cobra awakened.

He then left his cave and astral projected himself to Egypt.

But the cobra had such a highly developed mind (that physicists at their peril could only dream of) that he was able to take his physical form body to Egypt with him along with his astral body.

. . .

The golden cobra was in the burial chamber of the tomb of Queen Cleopatra VII Philopator of Egypt.

His eyes projected a golden ray that caused the lid of the Queen’s sarcophagus to raise.

He then leaned over the sarcophagus and peered in looking at the royal mummy.

Once again its eye emitted a golden ray that disintegrated the bandages into oblivion.

Its other eye then emitted another golden ray that caused flesh to form on the skeleton.

With both its eyes, it then cast a golden ray as bright as the light of the sun on Cleopatra’s body.

And the Queen returned to life in all her regal beauty and splendour.

“I am naked,” the Queen said as she looked down.

“Does your beauty really need to be covered with clothes?” The cobra asked in a voice as eloquent as that of Sir Laurence Olivier playing Hamlet.

“But I am a Queen,” Cleopatra protested, “Commoners mustn’t see me naked.”

. . .

The cobra brought the Queen’s handmaidens back to life and using royal gold buried with her, Cleopatra and her six handmaidens were astral projected by the cobra’s tongue to the fashion district of Paris France 🇫🇷 where they purchased neo-Classical Egyptian gowns from Christian Dior.

The seven Egyptian women left the salon fashion house dressed in their gowns while a group of recently resurrected male Egyptian slaves followed behind carrying a vast array of shopping bags.

“Cléopâtre,” the chauffeur of French President Emmanuel Macron exclaimed as he drove the President’s limo into a light post upon seeing the Egyptian queen.

The French President, who was in the backseat reading a National Geographic article on cougars, was unhurt.

. . .

The cobra astral projected himself along with his physical form to Ireland.

He went to the grounds of Down Cathedral in Downpatrick, County Down, Province of Armagh, Northern Ireland.

He stood by the stone that was reputed to be the burial marker for the reputed burial place of Saint Patrick.

The cobra hissed and spat on Saint Patrick’s grave.

It hissed, “Thou fool. Thy triumph was short lived. Only 16 centuries. And now the serpents have returned to Ireland.”

An old Englishman and his wife walked by observing this spectacle.

Said Cecil to his wife Marianne, “Well if snakes are going to talk, glad to see they’re talking in good old King James Bible English.”

. . .

The Golden Cobra stood on the Hill of Tara the seat of the High Kings of Ireland.

It stood atop the Lia Fail (Stone of Destiny) on this County Meath landmark.

The snake then drank a glass of Kilkenny Irish Cream Ale that was handed to him by Mulligan the Irish Zombie 🧟‍♂️ who was in a hypnotic state.

Mulligan’s boss the London based art curator and Oscar Wilde admirer Dashwood Forrest was on the nearby hill of Rath Maeve looking for Mulligan.

The goddess Maeve meanwhile joined the cobra atop the Lia Fail (Stone of Destiny) and a Saskatchewan Anglican priest who was also a clergyman in the Church of the Reformed Druids stood on a pair of giant stilts held up by a pair of clowns and looking down on the cobra and the goddess Maeve symbolically married the pair.

The Saskatchewan Anglican priest then found himself the victim of a human sacrifice a minute later much to his personal dismay.

The Church of the Reformed Druids was possibly not as reformed as he would have liked.

The Irish Celtic goddess Brigid then arrived on the scene and crowned the golden cobra High King of Ireland.

“And now yonder, my High Queen doth approach,” the Cobra used his astral third eye to see the beautiful Cleopatra dressed in a magnificent gown and walking across the Irish Sea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 17th


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Inna Huculak and Svetlana Kireeva In Stockholm

March 15, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Inna Huculak and Svetlana Kireeva In Stockholm

The Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB was walking the streets of Stockholm Sweden 🇸🇪.

The short skirted Russian vampiress was feeling quite pleased with herself.

She had been the mastermind behind a plot to kill a Russian 🇷🇺 traitor and his daughter in Salisbury, England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿.

Vengeance against those who would betray Vladimir Putin the Great Leader of the Russian Motherland.

As well as vengeance against Britain 🇬🇧 where she had been held as a prisoner for 2 years in an MI-6 interrogation chamber in London from 2014 to 2016 before she finally managed to escape.

Miss Kireeva was in Stockholm to spy on the meeting between North Korean 🇰🇵 Foreign Minister Ri Yong-ho and Swedish Prime Minister Stefan Lofven.

Her boss Vladimir Putin was worried about a possible summit meeting between Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

As an FSB colleague put it, “I’m afraid Putin is becoming increasingly paranoid about everything.”

That FSB colleague now found himself out of a job but he did have the consolation of landing himself a one way ticket to Siberia.

Putin’s paranoia, in the Siberia bound ex-FSB agent’s words, began when Putin had visited a Moscow based spiritist medium to consult with the ghosts of Joseph Stalin and Vladimir Lenin.

Putin who claimed to now be a devout Christian and a convert to the Russian Orthodox Church had pulled a King Saul of Israel 🇮🇱 by consulting with familiar spirits and necromancers in direct violation of divine prohibition as revealed to Moses in the Book of Deuteronomy Chapter 18.

In addition to having a pleasant chat with the ghosts of Lenin and Stalin, an entity calling himself the Archangel Michael appeared to Putin.

This entity was really the demon Moloch in disguise.

And now Moloch as the Archangel Michael was encouraging Putin to strike against everyone and everything that stood in his way.

But all this was unknown to Svetlana Kireeva as she walked down the streets of Stockholm clicking the sidewalks with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes 👠.

Watching the short skirted beautiful brunette Russian vampiress was a very beautiful blonde woman wearing a short skirt.

This woman also was a vampiress.

But a Ukrainian vampiress.

Inna Huculak of the Ukrainian 🇺🇦 Intelligence Service.

And Svetlana Kireeva’s vampiric immortal foe and arch-enemy.

As Morgan Freeman might phrase it in his narrative voice if he was in Stockholm, “Let the Blood Hunger Games begin.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 15th


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Renfield Discusses Dungeons With The Vampire Set

March 14, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Dungeons With The Vampire Set

Renfield R. Renfield MP was discussing the dungeons in the basement of the colossal West London mansion with the mansion’s owner and his former boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampire Set.

“So you want to use part of the basement dungeons as interrogation chambers for MI-6?” Set inquired as he chewed on a roast crocodile.

“That’s right, Boss,” Renfield was used to calling the former Egyptian god of darkness and the desert by that name from the days when he used to work for him.

“Well of course part of the basement dungeons my new Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering Sherrielock Holmes uses for her dominatrix service,” Set licked crocodile flesh off his fingers.

“I know,” Renfield adjusted the cushions under his tender buttocks, “it’s the other part of the basement dungeons that I’d use.”

“And what prisoners will you be keeping there?” Set belched into the evening air.

“Some Russian military intelligence officers we captured in Syria through the efforts of our allies Prince Vlad Dracula and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of the Golem,” Renfield replied.

“So you’re moving quickly against Putin’s Russia eh?” Set drank from a jar of Josef Stalin’s blood he kept for special occasions, “while Theresa May is publicly expelling 23 Russian diplomats from the UK, you’re privately rounding up members of Russia’s high-ranking military and intelligence services?”.

“That is correct,” Renfield said, “because if Putin wants to get into a pissing contest with me, he better have strong and powerful kidneys because mine are made of steel.”

Set who was privately worried these days (and nights) that he might finally be coming down with senility at his advanced age of a few thousand years wrinkled his forehead.

He was trying to remember if his Chief Scientist at Set Enterprises Dr. Cadbury Rocher had equipped Renfield R. Renfield with steel kidneys when he had genetically created him in a lab.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 14th


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Haiku About Stephen Hawking R.I.P.

March 13, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Biographical, Commentary, History, News, Obituaries, Poetry, Science) (, , , , )

Haiku About Stephen Hawking R.I.P.

Body was prison
But mind so great it was free
to explore cosmos


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Jack O’ Hare Solves The Case of The Monkey’s Stolen Fur: A Poem

March 12, 2018 at 9:46 pm (Arts, Detective story, Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Jack O’ Hare Solves The Case of The Monkey’s Stolen Fur: A Poem

In the land of bunny rabbits, there was none so fair
as that female rabbit loved by Jack O’ Hare
And so as Jack hopped and then sat in the village square,
he sang, I love Jeannie, she’s a dark brown hare.

No one loves me, wept a red spider monkey
who sat next to a Russian riding a Democrat donkey

Why ever not? asked Jack O’ Hare
as he made faces at the Russian bear
Because I happen to be bald all over
no one will roll me over in the clover

Jack asked, What happened to your fur?
Someone stole it while I was at Big Sur
Jack queried, Any idea where it went?
The monkey said, No, it was stolen from my tent ⛺️

Do you have a pic of what it looked like?
Jack would be on the lookout for a red spider spike.
The monkey had a photo of himself with fur
It was a clear pic although Hillary was a blur

And later as Jack hopped into a Burger 🍔 King
to order a carrot 🥕 cake special along with onion ring
he saw a sight that made his heart sing
For there was the red spider monkey’s spider fur atop the head of a real ding-a-ling

The toupee wearing Donald Trump was meeting Kim Jong-un
when his hair piece was stolen by the Easter Bun
or so it was reported in the New York Times and Chicago Sun

Oh somewhere in this happy land
The red spider monkey was leading the band
for his fur had been returned- fur worth a lot of grand.

-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Monday March 12th


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Michelangelo’s Vision of Moscow and Putin In The Future

March 11, 2018 at 10:31 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Moscow and Putin In The Future

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was asleep 💤 in his lobster tank at the Set Enterprises laboratories when suddenly his lobster antennae picked up a vision of Moscow and Vladimir Putin from the near future.

The re-elected Russian 🇷🇺 President had been given an invitation to an opening of a new exclusive men’s hairstyling salon 💇‍♂️ in Moscow where the hairstylists were all breathtakingly beautiful and young topless and short skirted Russian women.

Although the Russian President was quite bald and chose not to wear an orangish coloured red spider monkey fur toupee (unlike some world leaders), he decided to take advantage of the free haircut and shave.

He could always use a scalp massage and a shave.

Putin was given a thoroughly pleasing scalp massage by the young attractive female hairstylist who did a lot of bending over as she went to get more water from the sink and more hair massage cream from the lower drawers.

“Moscow always has such lovely views this time of year,” Putin remarked to the young blonde hairstylist.

“Indeed it does,” she smiled and winked at him, “Are you ready for your hot towel shave?”.

“Yes,” Putin smiled.

She then put the steaming hot towel on his face.

“Oh God, it burns, it burns!” Putin screamed.

Putin scrambled off the chair and on to the floor still screaming, “It burns. It burns.”

“I imagine it does,” a grinning Renfield R. Renfield MP from Britain’s Westminster Parliament stood in front of him.

Renfield was dressed in a James Bond style white tuxedo suit and sipping a martini 🍸- shaken not stirred.

“All these hairstylists are paid operatives for MI-6,” Renfield lit a cigarette with a gold cigarette lighter.

Amadeus came into the salon carrying a toy piano 🎹 and sat down at the piano and played the song As Time Goes By.

“You’re probably wondering to yourself,” Renfield blew cigarette smoke in Bogart style fashion into the air, “Why of all the hairstyling salons in all the world did that nasty Brit Renfield R. Renfield have to walk into this one?”.

“It burns, it burns,” Putin seemed to be singing a Russian Orthodox style litany of pain on the spot.

“Like I said this hairstyling salon is actually an MI-6 operation,” Renfield smiled, “and that burning sensation you’re still feeling from the steaming hot towel is probably caused by a smattering of VX nerve agent on the towel- the same substance that killed Kim Jong-nam (the half-brother of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un) when two women attacked his face with towels at Kuala Lumpur International Airport on February 13th last year. But don’t worry the amount put on your towel isn’t enough to kill you. Just enough to give you the most delectable amount of pain until you do face your death.”

“How am I to die?” Asked Putin.

The topless short skirted hairstylists had meanwhile grabbed Putin and took off all his clothes and then forced him into a kneeling position with his bum stuck up in the air.

“Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Harvey Weinstein,” Renfield introduced the disgraced Hollywood producer who likewise was in the all together save for the pair of glasses 👓 he was wearing, “Mr. Weinstein was recently given a serum invented by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher. This serum turned him gay.”

A look of realization and horror entered Putin’s eyes.

“Well there you go, Harvey,” Renfield pointed to the Russian leader’s most inviting derrière, “go to it.”

Weinstein mounted Putin while Amadeus played the song Home On The Range on the piano followed by the theme music to the film Brokeback Mountain.

“Mr. Weinstein’s phallus has been laced with the same nerve agent used in the attack on Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia in Salisbury,” Renfield explained, “though somewhat modified by Dr. Cadbury Rocher. Mr. Weinstein’s phallus is not harmed by the substance that it is carrying. However the same cannot be said for your rear end. You shall die a most unique and excruciating 😖 death 💀.”

“How could you do this?” Putin had tears in his eyes as well as Weinstein’s phallus in his behind.

“I was authorized to do it by an emergency meeting of Cobra 🐍 by the British government this past March 10,” Renfield smiled, “though I was given full artistic control over the whole operation so I could give it my own Renfieldian artistic flourish.”

As Weinstein exploded in orgasm, Amadeus played She’ll Be Coming Round The Mountain ⛰ When She Comes on the piano.

“Salisbury, thou art avenged!” Putin shouted as he gave up the ghost 👻.

“I wonder if I can get a good Salisbury steak somewhere in Moscow,” asked Amadeus who was starting to feel hungry 😋.

Meanwhile Renfield was looking at one of the beautiful topless short skirted hairstylists and said to her, “Feodora, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 11th


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Haiku About Johann Sebastian Bach

March 10, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Arts, Culture, Music, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Johann Sebastian Bach

His muse was Jesu
the joy of man’s desiring
Heavenly music


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The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter

March 9, 2018 at 11:17 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was meeting Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a popular London Fish N’ Chips shop called Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips.

Van Helsing had just returned from Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 where he had spent the entire week making out with Lepardia Marango who was the South African government’s Cultural Attaché in London.

Whitstable was still trying to recover from the shocking and totally unexpected news that North Korea’s Kim Jong-un had invited Donald Trump to meet with him and Trump had accepted.

Whitstable was convinced that there was something more at work here than just the diplomatic efforts of South Korea’s President Moon Jae-in.

“Dracul,” Whitstable wanted to know, “was there something more to your encounter with Kim Yo-jong than just finding out if she was a kumiho (a nine-tailed fox from Korean folklore and mythology who’s over a thousand years old and has the ability to shapeshift back and forth into a beautiful woman).”

“As Richard Dawkins is my witness,” Dracul answered, “there wasn’t.”

At that moment, the chef/owner of Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips Shop immediately took the Today’s Special: All You Can Eat Fish and Chips sign off the counter as soon as he saw Amadeus Emanon walk through the door of the restaurant.

French President Emmanuel Macron was reading a report compiled by French Intelligence on whether the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad had been using chemical weapons against civilians in the Eastern Ghouta suburb.

He turned white when reading the report.

He immediately got on the phone ☎️ to U.S. President Donald Trump.

Meanwhile in the Oval Office, Donald Trump was reading an NSA (National Security Agency) report that was turning his orangish reddish toupee white.

The NSA was currently monitoring a blogger who ostensibly was writing a science-fiction novel on-line but DARPA was convinced that there was something more to it.

“Oh my Divine Self,” Trump exclaimed to an aide, “There may be the possibility that an illegal Japanese alien in this country is actually the Greek Gorgon Medusa in disguise.”

Meanwhile in his parliamentary office in Westminster, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was telling the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill over brandy, “I, an Opposition MP with only 2 seats for my Party in Parliament, have been invited by the Home Secretary Amber Rudd to a meeting of the government’s emergency committee Cobra tomorrow to discuss the nerve agent attacks on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal.”

“Congratulations, Mr. Renfield,” Churchill raised his glass, “You appear to have arrived.”

Meanwhile back in his London apartment, Dracul Van Helsing received a phone call from Kim Yo-jong the younger sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

“Dracul,” she said breathlessly, “Thank you for the gift. Wherever did you find an ancient Korean edition of the Kama Sutra?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 9th


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Encore of Have You Seen Jessica Urbano: A Poem?

March 8, 2018 at 9:21 pm (Commentary, News, Poetry) (, , , )

My friend and fellow writer Sherry Valeria Hilles recently wrote a blog post in which she asked her fellow bloggers to re-post one of their own favourite blog posts they had posted in the past once a month on their current blogs.

Here is her blog post:

This post I wrote a year ago in June a few days after the Grenfell Tower fire happened in London.

I remember at the time I was absolutely haunted by a poster that a family had posted of their young teen-aged daughter who went missing in the fire.

The poster showed her face and had the words in bold HAVE YOU SEEN JESSICA URBANO?

I was so haunted by the photo and the words on the poster that a few days later I wrote a free verse poem called Have You Seen Jessica Urbano?

When I first posted it, I had the photo of the poster and words included in the blog post.

But WordPress in its infinite wisdom (I’m being sarcastic here) and infinite stupidity (I’m not being sarcastic here) have sought to delete that photo for some reason which I thought added a lot to the effectiveness of the message of the poem.

Dracul Van Helsing

Josef Stalin was alleged to have said, The death of one is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic
Words uttered by someone who ought to know
So the Grenfell Tower fire we are told was a major fire
at a 24-storey 220 foot (70 metre) high tower of public housing flats
in North Kensington, west London which started on 14th June 2017
resulting in a high number of casualties and severe damage to the building
Such do the gods at Wikipedia tell us
As of this date 5 fatalities have been identified
and a further 74 people are presumed missing
bringing the presumed number of fatalities to 79
the deadliest fire in mainland Britain in over 100 years-
statistics, statistics, statistics,
so let me ask you this?
Have you seen Jessica Urbano?
Jessica Urbano

Jessica Urbano was a schoolgirl on the 20th floor of the Tower
when she was…

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