The Dance of Salome: Red August
A woman called Salome had suddenly appeared in the West Wing of the White House.
She was dressed in a beautiful sparkly yellow Middle Eastern dress and stood against a beautiful white faux fireplace.
No one noticed the woman because there was no one in that particular room.
A few minutes later secret service agents entered the room.
They were not surprised to see a beautiful and attractive young woman in it.
One of the secret service agents spoke into his ear piece, “Hello, Roger Bear, this is Tweety Bird. Brown Diapers Old Pervert and Powdery Nose Young Pervert are now approaching.”
Brown Diapers Old Pervert and Powdery Nose Young Pervert were the secret service code names for Joe Biden and Hunter Biden respectively.
The father and son entered the room together.
Both said “Wow!” simultaneously when they saw Salome.
Hunter Biden pulled his pants and jockey shorts down and started doing what teen boys of the 1970s used to do when they saw a Playboy centerfold for the first time.
Joe Biden moved in to sniff Salome’s hair.
Salome flattened him with a kick of her shoes.
She then started dancing.
Joe Biden smiled like the Cheshire Cat.
“What can I get you?” Biden asked.
“The head of Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano on a silver platter,” Salome answered.
“Who’s Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano?” Biden asked and scratched his head.
. . .
Pope Francis received a phone call from a spiritist medium in Rome who told him that the ghost of King Herod Antipas had acquisced to his request.
. . .
Joe Biden’s scumbag Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland was holding a meeting with the ghosts of Lavrentiy Beria (head of Josef Stalin’s NKVD Soviet secret police) and Jeffrey Epstein (pervert extraordinaire) to discuss the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid of Monday August 8th 2022 on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Florida estate.
. . .
Gender confused and pronoun paranoid anchorpersons at CNN were holding a televised discussion in which they were glowingly discussing the FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home in Florida.
They had just moved on to discussing what contents might have been found in Donald Trump’s safe when the FBI opened it.
It was at that moment that the ghost of O.J. Simpson defense attorney Johnnie Cochran appeared live on camera and joined the roundtable discussion.
Said Cochran as he took a deck of cards out of his coat pocket, “The FBI didn’t go to Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence to find evidence, they went there to plant it. I just can’t stand it.”
As the CNN anchorpersons gazed at one another in bewilderment, Cochran continued.
The famed celebrity defense attorney pulled a condom out of his pocket and stated, “If the safe don’t fit, you must acquit.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 10th
2022.
From Key Largo To Mar-A-Lago
Actress Claire Trevor won the 1948 Best Supporting Actress Award for her portrayal of former nightclub singer Gaye Dawn in the 1948 film Key Largo that starred Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Edward G. Robinson
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises Laboratories in London, England.
He was watching the 1948 film Key Largo on his waterproof 72 inch wide flat screen TV.
He was doing so on the recommendations of his good friends British MP Renfield R. Renfield and world-renowned concert pianist Amadeus Emanon.
In one scene as Claire Trevor’s character of Gaye Dawn stood smoking a cigarette in the lobby of the Hotel Largo,
Edward G. Robinson’s character of mobster Johnny Rocco orders hostage Frank McCloud (Humphrey Bogart) to turn on the radio while hostage Nora Temple (Lauren Bacall) paints her fingernails an indeterminate colour as the film was shot in black and white.
After McCloud turned the radio on, the film version that Michelangelo was watching suddenly took a strange sci-fi twist as the radio of the lobby of the Hotel Largo in Key Largo, Florida in 1948 picked up a news story from the year 2022.
Said the radio announcer, “U.S. President Joe Biden just can’t help himself. Joe Biden was eager to fondle girls and sniff hair after being cooped up for two weeks in Covid isolation in the White House.
Biden arrived in Lexington, Kentucky Monday morning to survey damage from the recent floods that the trio of Al Gore, Pope Francis and Bill Gates blamed on global warming, climate change and the refusal of the American worker to eat bugs for breakfast, lunch and supper.
A maskless Joe Biden repeatedly coughed into his hand as he sat next to Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear (Democrat) at a press conference.
Beshear leaned away from Biden as the President continuously hacked into his hand.
First Lady Jill Biden hovered over Joe to make sure he stayed in line as they visited families impacted by the Kentucky floods.
But Joe just couldn’t keep his paws off of young women.
Creepy Joe even sniffed a woman’s hair.”
In an action that wasn’t even mentioned in the original Key Largo movie script written by director John Huston and screenplay writer Richard Brooks, Johnny Rocco went completely beserk and shot and killed all of the Hotel Largo hostages (thus bringing the movie to a sudden and abrupt end) because he couldn’t believe that a pervert such as Joe Biden could ever be elected President of the United States.
Michelangelo picked up the remote with one of his lobster claws and shut off the TV.
From a nearby room, he could hear Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Tuesday night podcast.
Said Renfield, “Yesterday Neo-Bolshevik Communist operatives in the American FBI raided Donald Trump’s home at the Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida…”
Michelangelo adjusted his waterproof blankets and patted his waterproof pillow and picked up a copy of the book Phil Huston’s Tales To Battle Insomnia off his nightstand.
The lobster immediately fell asleep after reading the first sentence of the first chapter.
He had a dream (or was it a vision?) of the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.
He saw that the ghosts of Lavrentiy Beria (head of Josef Stalin’s NKVD Soviet secret police) and Jeffrey Epstein (pervert extraordinaire and close friend and bum buddy of influential politicians and globalist billionaires alike) were the ones leading the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on the Mar-a-Lago estate.
What, Michelangelo wondered, were Beria and Epstein doing leading an FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate?
Meanwhile Donald Trump was having a phone conversation with his daughter Ivanka about the raid.
Said Donald to Ivanka, “I’m glad I left my dirty underwear in my safe. That will serve those Commie bastards in the FBI right as they sift through my underwear.”
Ivanka answered, “So you were able to keep all your dirty underwear in a single safe? I don’t think all of the safes in all of Fort Knox would be able to hold all of Joe Biden’s dirty underwear.”
Meanwhile in the Oval Office…
PLOOP !
Voice of Joe Biden (whining) : “Kamala, come change me…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 9th
2022.
The Sundance Saloon
The Sundance Saloon was a wild place
Owned by singer Miss Melanie Grace
All the cowboys came from miles around
Just to listen to that Parisienne Can-can sound
Jacques Offenbach was quite the hit
As into sexy tights saloon girls did fit
The Galop infernal was its official name
And to its tune, many cowboys came
Who knew that Orpheus In The Underworld would produce such a thrill
As cowboys found themselves in sweat despite desert evening chill
The Can-Can girls put on quite the show
That even horses didn’t have to be told to “Whoah” !.
The dancers’ legs kicked up quite the storm
In a place where the beer was cold but the seats were warm
Many a cowpoke hoped to dally with Sally
Until they were thrown out by the bouncer O’ Malley
Melanie Grace was quite the entertainment queen
In a town where undertakers kept the streets so clean
Yes it was not usually long before the showdown
But The Sundance Saloon was better than a hoedown
-A western poem written by Christopher
Monday August 8th 2022.
The Demon Buffalo Sends A Text Message
The Norse trickster god Loki was getting increasingly ticked off that genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was bumping off his (Loki’s) genetically created female uglo offspring.
So much so that demons allied with Loki were playing interference with the traffic lights at the intersection where the bus that Pan Goatee was riding was stopped.
The demons held up the traffic lights even longer than usual.
Finally when the light finally turned green, the bus was unable to quickly turn left because a couple of slow moving pedestrians (at a traffic corner that rarely had any pedestrians) were being outraced by snails as they crossed the street.
To make matters even worse for Pan Goatee, the slow moving pedestrian bimbos were also a couple of super repulsive female uglos.
Pan opened the bus window across from him, put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window.
The astro laser machete then beheaded both of the super repulsive female uglos and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.
Loki did an impersonation of Joe Biden doing a major blow out in his Depends diapers when he heard the news that Pan had beheaded a couple more of his ugly uglo female progeny at the satanic demonically controlled traffic crossing.
The rest of Pan’s afternoon bus trip went off without incident.
However later that night Pan went out for an evening bus trip and on the way back home Pan saw the same purple and pink haired uglo getting on board the bus as he had beheaded and dismembered last night.
“What I thought I had killed you last night, bitch,” Pan reached for his astral laser machete, “Quite inconsiderate of you not to stay dead especally when Krampus carried your remains to the lower circles of Tartarus.”
Unbeknownst to Pan, the evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci (an ally of Loki) had genetically created a clone of the purple and pink haired uglo.
So after the original had been beheaded and dismembered last night, Dr. Fauci had arranged for the uglo’s clone to board the bus at the same uglo bat time in the same uglo bat neighbourhood.
The genetically cloned uglo was now being beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces.
After the beheading and multiple trillion dismemberment of the uglo clone, Pan Goatee received a text message from the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake and Lac Ste. Anne.
Said the Demon Buffalo, “Here’s more information about the Great Western Grandmother who was invoked by a Huron shaman at the Citadel in Quebec City last week in the presence of satanic AntiPope Francis, his retinue of bishops and cardinals as well as the pale faced (as opposed to black faced) Justin Trudeau. The Great Western Grandmother who’s called Spider Grandmother in the folklore and traditions of the Hopi, Zuma, Navajo and Pueblo peoples.
The Great Western Grandmother is also called Toci Yoalticitl (“Our Grandmother The Nocturnal Physician”) by the Aztecs.
She is apparently an earth goddess who inhabits the sweatbath according to the Aztecs.
She was called Ixchel by the Mayas (she appears as a supposedly good alien being in New Age writer Madeleine L’ Engle’s book A Wrinkle In Time) and she has 4 symbols in 4 different colours – red, white, black and yellow which are associated with the 4 different segments of the Universe.
The name Ixchel means “Rainbow Woman” which is probably why the sodomites and transgenders adopted the rainbow as their symbol and why Pope Francis’ Vatican is so prone to displaying the Pride rainbow.
Interestingly enough on her head Ixchel wore a serpent and the pattern on her skirt was of bones in the form of a Cross.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday August 4th
2022.
Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimps Possessed By The Spirit of Spider Grandmother
Pan Goatee was given a ring by the Demon Buffalo that was able to detect individuals that were possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother a goddess who ate naughty children according to Navajo folklore.
Earlier this afternoon Pan Goatee was out walking when a fat ugly blimp crossing an intersection tried to walk in front of him.
Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
The incident was recorded on camera by a Jesuit spy for the Vatican.
However there was no indication according to the Demon Buffalo ring that the now beheaded and dismembered fat ugly white blimp was possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother.
This evening Pan Goatee was at a grocery store buying bread and cold cuts.
He was in line at the till when a couple of fat ugly aboriginal blimps came behind him.
“Good thing for them that they’re behind me,” Pan Goatee thought to himself.
However one of the airheaded fat ugly blimps took her cart and moved in front of Pan Goatee.
So Pan beheaded her with his astral laser machete and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Her airheaded fat ugly blimp friend did the same with her cart getting in front of Pan Goatee.
So the satyr likewise beheaded this rude fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
The Demon Buffalo ring (given to Pan by the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake and Lac Ste. Anne) glowed a fiery red and a startling green indicating that both fat ugly aboriginal blimps had been possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother (a goddess who had been invoked last week by a First Nations shaman at the Citadel in Quebec City when the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio and some of his Canadian bishops and cardinals had been present).
This incident was likewise recorded on camera by a Jesuit spy for the Vatican.
Pan then waited at a bus stop for his neighbourhood bus to show up.
As he was waiting at the bus stop, a fat ugly aboriginal blimp and her low IQ moronic aboriginal boyfriend showed up.
The Demon Buffalo ring flashed a fiery red and a startling green indicating that the fat ugly blmp was possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother.
So Pan beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
The ring also indicated that the low IQ aboriginal male was possessed by a demon of stupidity – a demon that seemed to possess the vast majority of white and aboriginal males in the City of Calgary.
Surprisingly the demon of stupidity did not seem to affect East Asian, South Asian, Southeast Asian, African and Caribbean or Latino males.
Thus this demon of stupidity was obviously guilty of racial profiling and should be hauled in front of a politically correct and very “woke” human rights commission.
Likewise a demon of ugliness seemed to affect a very large and vast number of white and aboriginal females in the City of Calgary but not many East Asian, South Asian, Southeast Asian, African and Caribbean or Latina females.
So the demon of ugliness was likewise obviously guilty of racial profiling and should be hauled in front of a politically correct and very “woke” human rights commission.
The bus arrived and Goatee boarded it.
Three bus stops down a fat ugly white blimp with pink and purple coloured hair boarded the bus.
The pink and purple hair did absolutely nothing to improve the fat ugly blimp’s appearance.
So the satyr beheaded the pink and purple hair coloured fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
There was no indication that this fat ugly blimp was possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother.
But the Jesuit spy for the Vatican recorded the incident anyways.
Back at the Vatican, Pope Francis issued a statement expressing his concern that fat ugly blimps possessed by the spirit of Spider Grandmother were being beheaded and dismembered by Pan Goatee.
Some practical joker in one of the Vatican departments translated the papal statement into Latin and posted it on-line almost causing the pontiff to have an aneurysm.
-A vampire novel chapter
written Wednesday August 3rd
2022.
Pan Goatee Beheads Yet Another Uglo At The Dollar Store
Pan Goatee managed to survive the August 1st long weekend without seeing a single uglo.
But it’s the 2nd day of August and a repulsive looking uglo once again has to put in an appearance in the local dollar store.
Pan Goatee was down at the local Dollar store.
There was once again only one cashier working tonight but that was okay because there was only one person ahead of him and he only had one item.
A bag of potato chips.
But sadly for Pan Goatee, the would-be potato chip purchaser was a total moron.
He did not know how to tap his card on the machine to make a purchase.
5 minutes later the imbecile somehow inadvertently managed to successfully tap the machine and a potato chip purchase was made.
The moron then left the store.
Goatee went up to the cashier and put his bottles of Lemonade and Diet Pepsi down.
Even though there was no other customers an airheaded cashier came and opened up another till.
And lo and behold a repulsive looking uglo (of the thin ugly looking stoat like variety) arrived and got in front of Pan Goatee to head to the newly opened airhead’s till.
The uglo had a female friend with her.
The repulsive looking uglo said in a squeaky squealy high pitched voice to the airheaded cashier, “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re pretty?”.
“Well too bad the same couldn’t be said about you, bitch,” Goatee commented as he beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then beheaded the uglo’s friend for being a friend of the uglo.
He then beheaded the airheaded cashier for opening up a new till right at the front of the straight line of cash registers allowing the repulsive looking uglo to get in front of him.
After the satyr finished cutting up the latter two into 999 trillion pieces each, Krampus arrived looking suntanned and burnt to a crisp from his tropical Hawaiian vacation to carry the remains of Pan’s victims down to the fiery flames of Tartarus.
Ares the Greek god of war (who had been filling in for Krampus while the latter was on vacation) had himself now gone on vacation to Taiwan.
Which was a stupid place to be seeing as how Nancy Pelosi was there.
Goatee left the store and happened to spot the moron with the bag of potato chips who had taken so long to figure out how to tap his card on the credit/debit card digital reading machine.
“Because of your bloody goddamned stupidity in trying to figure out how to do something so simple as to tap a card on a machine, I was forced to encounter a repulsive ugly looking woman,” Goatee explained as he beheaded the bag of potato chips carrying imbecile and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
When Krampus arrived to pick up the remains of the beheaded and dismembered moronic imbecile, Pan threw the partly eaten bag of potato chips at the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon, “Here, enjoy these. In appreciation of your hard work.”
As Pan Goatee walked down the street, he encountered the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake and now (the recent papally blessed) Lac Ste. Anne.
“I was wondering,” Pan asked the Demon Buffalo, “if you knew who this great Western Grandmother opening up the Circle of Spirits was that was being invoked by Huron-Wendat First Nations shaman Raymond Gros-Louis while satanic AntiPope Francis, his retinue of bishops and cardinals, Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and Canadian Governor-General Mary Simon all placed their hands on their hearts while she the great Western Grandmother with her Circle of Spirits was being invoked at the Citadel in Quebec City?”.
“Well,” the Demon Buffalo started eating nearby passers-by, “I imagine that the great Western Grandmother who was being invoked is Spider Grandmother who is an important figure in the mythology, oral traditions and folklore of many Native American cultures in the southwestern United States. In Hopi mythology, Spider Grandmother also called Gogyeng Sowuhti can take the shape of an old or timeless woman or take the shape of a common spider in many Hopi stories. When she is in her spider shape, she lives underground in a hole that is like a Kiva. A Kiva is a space used by Puebloans (the Pueblo peoples of the southwest) for rites associated with the kachina (spirit being) system. The kiva is a large room that is circular and underground and generally used for spiritual ceremonies. In the Hopi creation story, Tawa the sun god and Spider Woman (aka Spider Grandmother) the Earth Goddess separate themselves into parts to create other lesser gods, then create the world and its creatures. This is similar to the Zuni creation myth where Spider Grandmother also plays a part. In Navajo mythology, Spider Woman is said to cast her web like like a net to capture and eat misbehaving children. She spent time on a rock aptly named Spider Rock which is said to have turned white from the bones resting in the sun. In the Pueblo tradition, she is called Spider Old Woman. The Spider Woman or Spider Grandmother of the southwestern U.S. tribes is believed to be the same being/entity as the pre-Columbian Teotihuacan Great Goddess because their pictorial representations are the same.”
“Thanks,” Pan said.
“You’re welcome,” the Demon Buffalo belched after having eaten a University of Calgary anthropology professor.
-A vampire novel chapter
written Tuesday August 2nd
2022.
August Evening
Another time
Another place
You looked resplendent on that August night
With you in my arms
We danced to a slow melody
It was an unforgettable August night
And I’ve never seen the likes of it again
-A poem written by Christopher
Monday August 1st 2022
Dracul Van Helsing 
Renfieldian Podcast For August 5th 2022
August 5, 2022 at 9:04 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (Renfield R. Renfield)
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Friday evening podcast for tonight August 5th 2022.
It would be a fairly short and brief podcast as Renfield was hoping to take a walk with friends along the Thames on this lovely Friday evening.
This was the one news item that Renfield talked about.
Said Renfield, “While the Chinese Communists fire ballistic missiles into Taiwanese waters in response to a visit from Nancy Pelosi, the United States Air Force is busy hosting its first ever drag queen show in what it describes as “its first ever kid-friendly Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Summer Festival”.
I wonder when the Roman Emperor Tiberius was on the Isle of Capri swimming in his palatial sized swimming pools with his “little minnows” (young boys so called by that name because they were asked to nibble on a certain part of his anatomy) if that event was referred to as a “kid friendly Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Summer Festival”.
Well if Tiberius is on the scene, Caligula cannot be far behind.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 5th
2022.
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