Will Dracula Be The Next Pope?

July 27, 2021 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was sitting in his office at the Vatican.

Although Francis required all Vatican employees and visitors to be be vaccinated with the Covid non-vaccine (none of the so-called vaccines for Covid were technically vaccines but rather genetic serums but most of the public was too dumb and gullible to know that. Since Big Pharma, Big Government, Big Business and the mainstream media called it a vaccine, it was obviously a vaccine to them), since most of those working at the Vatican were paying more attention to their gay sex hook-up Grindr apps on their phone rather than who was vaccinated, nobody bothered to note that Samhain Cardinal Salaman had never been vaccinated.

Salaman was informed that he had a visitor.

Sergius Materiy the Russian Orthodox Archbishop of Astana, Kazakhstan.

Salaman invited the Archbishop into his office.

“What can I do for you, your Eminence?” Salaman asked the Archbishop.

“I’m here to discuss something your Eminence,” The Archbishop answered, “Since you work in the Vatican, you are probably more aware than I am about the rumours swirling around that Francis is on the verge of kicking the bucket. Hence his reasoning and his rush to proclaim the motu proprio Traditionis custodes into law and restrict the celebration of the Tridentine Mass.”

“Yes, I’ve heard those rumours,” Cardinal Salaman nodded, “I’ve been told that the only one who hates the Latin Tridentine Mass more than Francis is Lucifer himself.”

“His recent operation wasn’t as successful as he and his doctors had hoped?” Archbishop Materiy asked.

“I’ve been told (unofficially of course) that his main trouble is his reaction to the Covid non-vaccine that he received earlier this year,” Salaman replied.

“Anyways, the reason I’m here is…” the Astana Archbishop paused, “Well you no doubt heard that a few years ago an expedition was sent to Castle Dracula in Transylvania in order to remove the wooden stake from Prince Vlad III Dracula’s heart and bring him back from the dead. The purpose being to have Vlad III Dracula fight the ISIS Islamic State in Syria and also to stop Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan from bringing back the Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that was the purpose in bringing Prince Vlad III Dracula back from the dead,” The Cardinal nodded.

“Anyways I’m going to give you this document,” Materiy handed him a piece of paper, “It describes a plan for a post-Francis world. A world where Dracula is the next Pope.”

“Dracula as the next Pope?” Salaman was astounded, “But Dracula currently isn’t even a Cardinal. How will he get to be Pope?”.

“Read on, MacDuff,” The Archbishop paraphrased Shakespeare as he pointed towards the document.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 27th
2021.

Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula ponders the question, “Will my father Count Dracula be the next Pope?”.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Erroneous Notion of White Supremacy While Exorcist Recalls Demonically Possessed Nun

July 26, 2021 at 10:08 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again in the neighbourhood dollar store.

And there in the line-up was another repulsively ugly looking white woman.

There seemed to be a surplus of repulsively ugly looking white women wandering around the dollar store this past week.

What was up with that?

The Calgary Stampede was over.

Ugly looking white women should be back in the corral or the closet where they belong.

It was probably the influence of all these annoying pansies and fruits who go around celebrating Pride Week then Pride Month then Pride Year and now Pride Century, Pan Goatee reasoned.

Soon it will be Pride Millenium.

Instead of a 1000 Year Reich, it will be a 1000 Year Rainbow.

One guarded by Ernst Rohm and not Heimdall.

This ugly looking white woman had blue hair.

Pan Goatee blamed the preponderance of ugly white women in the city, in Alberta and in Canada as a whole on the influence of that odious western world political disease known as Critical Gender Theory radical Marxist feminism.

The abhorrent ideology turned any female who heavily imbibed its contents into a creature so repulsively ugly it caused even the Devil himself to vomit all over the place.

“My God but you’re ugly,” Pan Goatee quoted the John Cleese character of Basil Fawlty as he beheaded the ugly looking white women with blue hair, “You and others like you certainly rip a big hole into that erroneous theory of white supremacy. Any race that produces the likes of you certainly has nothing whatsoever to feel superior about. Hitler must have been insane.”

Goatee went on about Hitler’s insanity as he sliced the ugly white woman with blue hair into 999 trillion pieces, “Some individuals seem to be prone to all sorts of neuroses and psychoses. And I guess Hitler was obviously one of them.”

. . .

As most of the priests in Pope Francis’ Vatican were currently engaged in the Monday night gay sex orgy, the daughter of a Rome boarding house owner was wandering the halls and walls of the Vatican trying to find a priest who would come and administer the Last Rites to one of her mother’s lodgers an elderly priest and long retired exorcist.

The girl happened to run into one of the few heterosexual Vatican curia officials Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Cardinal.

Cardinal Salaman accompanied the girl to her mother’s boarding house and administered the Last Rites to the dying exorcist.

When he had finished administering the Last Rites, the old exorcist spoke.

“There was one exorcism I recall more vividly than all the rest,” said the exorcist, “it was a nun who was demonically possessed.”

“Go on,” the Cardinal nodded, “A nun who was demonically possessed…”

“She was demonically possessed by an entity that identified itself as the Spirit of Pachamama,” the exorcist continued.

“The Spirit of Pachamama?” Cardinal Salaman was astounded.

“Yes,” the exorcist answered, “The nun had become possessed while giving birth to a child. The child’s father, the nun had told her fellow nuns in the convent, was a bishop.”

“How long ago was this, Father?” The cardinal asked the exorcist.

“Many many years ago, Father,” the old exorcist replied.

“Did the child live?” Cardinal Salaman wanted to know.

“Yes, the child lived,” the exorcist nodded.

“How old would the child be now?” Salaman inquired.

The exorcist did not answer.

For he had gone to his reward.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 26th
2021.

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A Ray of Hope

July 25, 2021 at 10:50 pm (Poetry) ()

Know this: it just takes
One light to illuminate
Darkest of dark nights

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100 More Days Till Halloween…

July 23, 2021 at 10:58 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“This is Jack Anderson at Terror 97 FM in London- the radio station that keeps you in stitches – a la style of Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s creation. This just in from Canada… Earlier today genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee slew two more ugly women in a Dollarama store in Calgary. And now here’s Air Supply singing their coming Halloween hit Two Less Ugly People In The World…”

. . .

There was a state of excitement prevailing in the Vatican among the city state’s wide assortment of Jesuit priests for word had come to pass that the demon Baphomet was going to address them at A Come As You Are convention in the Vatican Sauna Steam Bath House named Hyacinth Sizzles Apollo’s Swizzle Stick.

Meanwhile in the Papal Apartments, Pope Francis was consulting with one of his leading theological advisors Walter Cardinal Kasper.

“Your Unholiness,” Kasper addressed Bergoglio by his most appropriate title, “a group of flying saucer UFOs containing 6.66 feet tall T-Rex ET reptilians have landed within the walls of the Vatican.”

“What for?” Francis asked as he licked a Spartan Greek popsicle.

“We’re not sure,” Kasper answered.

. . .

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson had been hiding inside a tomb in London’s Highgate Cemetery ever since British MP Renfield R. Renfield publicly called for the 10 Downing Street occupant’s assassination this past Wednesday.

The colourful and controversial MP had issued the assassination call after the Zombie Nosferatu Tory Prime Minister (whose forehead had been etched with the words I AM AN APOSTLE OF THE ANTICHRIST in red felt ink) announced this past Wednesdy that he intended to introduce a vaccine passport in Britain next month.

Bishop Sean Manchester the traditionalist Old Catholic Church Bishop of Glastonbury and a leading exorcist was walking around the cemetery amidst reports that a vampire was once again haunting the cemetery for the first time in 51 years.

As Johnson sat inside the tomb with sweat on his forehead, the ghost of Karl Marx (looking well roasted) appeared alongside him and asked him, “How’s it going?”.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun was in Highgate Cemetery eating cold mutton sandwiches and drinking Guinness beer.

He was listening to Terror 97 FM London on his old 1970s style transistor radio.

The radio was playing a commercial and a Halloween holiday jingle, “100 more days till Halloween… Silver Shamrock.”

A hand holding a silver shamrock suddenly appeared out of the ground near the old gravestone where Yaldabaoth was having his evening picnic totally freaking the wee leprechaun out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 23rd
2021.

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Pan Goatee Beheads One Nosy Bitch Plus Several Fat Ugly Blimps

July 22, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Aesthetics) ()

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee lay in bed and counted the number of goat hairs on his legs.

“999 trillion,” Pan Goatee said when he had finished counting, “No wonder I’m obssessed with that number.”

He thought back to last night when he had encountered a fat ugly blimp in a Burger King restaurant.

“It’s a wonder there was any food left when you had finished ordering,” Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp as she attempted to carry out her massive take-out bag.

He cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Since there was no food left to order, he decided to go to a nearby drug store (that also sold groceries) to buy some reasonably priced cartons of cottage cheese.

Inside the drug store at the cashier, the one person ahead of him was some idiot who didn’t seem to know his ass from a hole in the ground (much like the current occupant of the Oval Office).

The jackass kept trying to recount the price of every item he had brought to the cashier’s till.

Suddenly the process was interrupted by some idiot phoning the “not knowing his ass from a hole in the ground” idiot on his mobile phone.

Pan Goatee sent his GPS tracking astral laser machete into action as the idiot at the till answered his mobile.

The astral machete moving at USS Enterprise warp speed went to the source of the call and immediately beheaded the airhead who had phoned the “not knowing his ass from a hole in the ground” idiot.

The machete then cut up the airhead into 999 trillion pieces.

It returned like a boomerang at warp speed to Pan Goatee.

“Oops, I forgot to give you my points card when I bought everything,” the “not knowing his ass from a hole in the ground” idiot suddenly announced to the cashier, “Let’s do it again, shall we?”.

That was the final straw for Pan Goatee.

He put down his box of straws on the counter, pulled out his astral laser machete and beheaded the “not knowing his ass from a hole in the ground” idiot.

The idiot finally got a birds’ eye view of what his ass looked like (and how it differed from a hole in the ground) prior to Goatee cutting him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Then two ugly looking women, a think ugly looking stoat and a fat ugly blimp, then went out the exit as Goatee finally paid for his goods because he was held up by the idiot who didn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.

Goatee then sent his astral laser machete after them beheading both repulsively ugly women.

The machete then cut both uglos up into 999 trillion pieces each.

The satyr was so offended by what transpired that he decided to exit out the entrance door rather than the exit door.

When he had finished counting the number of goat’s hairs on his legs, Goatee got out of bed.

He was to go to his pharmacist today to get his meds refilled (as someone who didn’t have a degree in psychiatry once noted, “Those meds Goatee takes don’t seem to do him much good”).

Goatee got on the bus and then got off several blocks away from his pharmacy.

Because of city road and sidewalk construction planned by the brainless idiots who worked in the City Engineering Department, bus stops were now 6 blocks apart prior to the 2 blocks apart they used to be designed in the days when city engineers didn’t take hallucinogenic drugs in their spare time.

Goatee walked through an apartment building parking lot.

He encountered a fat ugly blimp.

He beheaded her and then sliced her up into the appropriate OCD numerical ratio.

Then two fat ugly blimps holding hands approached him.

“Why am I not surprised that two fat ugly blimps such as yourself would turn out to be a pair of lesbian blowhards?” Goatee stated as he beheaded the two uglo lesbo blimpos, “I guess no man would want you. Even those with exceptionally bad taste in women like most of the men in this city.”

The machete then sliced up the blimpo bodies into 999 trillion pieces each leaving a blood splattered less than proud Pride rainbow.

Goatee then walked several more blocks.

He noticed a woman with a constipated looking expression on her face out walking a giant sheepdog across the street.

The woman with the giant looking sheepdog then crossed the street and started following Pan Goatee.

“Why are you wearing boots in the middle of summer?” The nosy bitch asked.

“None of your fucking business, Ms. Nosy It’s Almost Brown,” Goatee shouted back before throwing his machete and beheading the overly inquisitive inquisitor.

Last summer people were complaining when he wore Bermuda shorts and showed off his hairy goats’ legs.

Now they’re complaining when he wore long boots.

“Make up your minds, morons,” Goatee expressed himself as his machete cut up the nosy bitch into 999 trillion pieces.

The machete then gave the giant sheepdog a much needed haircut and returned to Pan.

Pan picked up his meds and then walked 8 blocks to catch a bus that would go back in the direction of home.

As he raced across the street to catch a bus (which turned out in the end not to be the bus number he wanted) a repulsively fat ugly blimp got off the bus.

“Unholy crap,” Goatee cursed at the repulsively ugly blimpo, “Don’t you fat ugly blimps know that Stampede Week is over. Get back in the Not OK Corral where you belong.”

Goatee then beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“Hi Pan, how are the meds working?” His psychiatrist happened to drive by in a red sports car.

“Just fine, thanks, doc,” Goatee waved at him.

The next bus that came along was the one that Pan wanted.

Later that evening, Pan walked to the neighbourhood Dollar store.

While walking through the aisles, he encountered yet another fat ugly blimp.

He beheaded the repulsively ugly looking creature and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“Gees, I almost feel tempted to detonate a neutron bomb in this city,” Goatee announced in an exasperated voice.

Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping felt the same way after watching a documentary on the Calgary Stampede.

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee would like to send a Hello and a shout out to those individuals who cycle alongside deer.
As Pan notes, “It’s so much more intelligent than cycling alongside fat ugly blimps.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 22nd
2021.

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Shweta’s 6-Word Short Story Challenge Using The Word Drug

July 20, 2021 at 10:42 pm (Short Story)

A drug cured my cough permanently.

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Asmodeus Discusses Latin Tridentine Mass With Nimrod

July 19, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The chain smoking cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was sitting in a Rome restaurant having spaghetti and meatballs with the little green frog Nimrod.

“Why is Pope Francis trying to get rid of the Latin Tridentine Mass?” Asked Nimrod.

“Because it’s preventing the advent of the Antichrist,” Asmodeus answered.

“It is?” Nimrod stuck his tongue out to capture a fly.

“Yes, His Satanic Majesty has been puzzled as to what is preventing the advent of the Antichrist,” Asmodeus explained, “He thought he hit the big time with Napoleon. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Lenin. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Hitler. He didn’t. He thought he hit the big time with Stalin. He didn’t. So he decided to name an infernal committee made up of Baal, Baphomet and Pachamama the Inca she-dragon who’s also the Inca earth mother goddess to investigate the matter shortly after Stalin kicked the bucket. The committee came up with the idea that it was the Latin Tridentine Mass that was preventing the Advent of the Antichrist. So His Satanic Majesty caught Pope John XXIII off guard one day and whispered in his ear to call the 2nd Vatican Council. Which Good Pope John did. John died within a year after the Council opened and Cardinal Montini was elected Pope taking the name Paul VI. A few of Paul’s advisors were under the complete control of His Satanic Majesty. After the Council finished in December 1965, Paul named the Freemason Annibale Bugnini to compose a new liturgy for the Church. Bugnini came out with the Novus Ordo Mass (designed to bring about the New World Order) which Paul VI promulgated in 1969 and the new liturgy was said in most parish churches throughout the world beginning in 1970. Except for French Archbishop Marcel Lefebvbre and the Society of Saint Pius X. The next decades saw the advent of the two Bushes and Bill Clinton who helped push the New World Order on America and the world. It continued under the Marxist Saul Alinsky inspired community organizer Barack Obama. Donald Trump was too much of a narcissist to follow the dictates of the New World Order elite so he had to be pushed out of the way. Pope Francis brought an idol of the demon Pachamama into the Vatican Gardens and later into Saint Peter’s Basilica itself. The result of that was to inspire the supernatural forces to bring about the release of Covid-19. All churches were shut down because of Covid. Within the Catholic Church the only groups who remained open without wearing masks and social distancing were those that practiced the Latin Tridentine Mass- the Society of Saint Pius X, the Fraternal Society of Saint Peter and the Institute of Christ The King Sovereign Priest. The Antichrist was supposed to arrive in 2020. But thanks to the Latin Tridentine Mass being said, he didn’t. So His Satanic Majesty (who’s Pope Francis’ god of surprises) directed his gay maidservant Francis to effectively abolish the Latin Tridentine Mass in his most recent motu proprio Traditionis custodes. Now His Satanic Majesty hopes the Antichrist will arrive within the next year.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 19th
2021.

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Pan Goatee’s Ongoing Aesthetic Crusade: Beheading More Fat Ugly Blimps

July 18, 2021 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

“Why didn’t you kiss the waiter at that hotel?”

-Edward Carson, lawyer for the Marquess of Queensbury at Oscar Wilde’s first trial while cross-examining Oscar Wilde.

“Because he was too ugly.”

-Oscar Wilde under cross-examination in answer to Carson’s question at his first trial.

If Oscar Wilde was going through the DC part of his AC/DC “this door swings both ways” personality and he was alive and well and living in Calgary, Alberta, Canada today, he would not be kissing too many women as many of the women of Calgary were all quite repulsively ugly.

Many of them fat ugly blimps.

As it was, it was genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women) who had the misfortune of living in Calgary who was forced to come face-to-face with these repulsively ugly hideous looking abominations.

Today as Goatee was walking to his neighbourhood shopping center and standing at a four corner intersection, he noticed a hideously fat ugly blimp standing on the other side of the intersection.

As Goatee barfed all over the place sending several motor vehicles plunging downstream to the nearby Trans-Canada Highway (closing it for several hours), he finally managed to regain his composure.

“It’s a good thing my astral laser machete acts as a boomerang,” Goatee said aloud.

He sent his astral laser machete flying across the street whereupon it promptly lopped off the fat ugly blimpo’s head.

“Splendid! Splendid!” Shouted the ghost of Citizen Robespierre standing at that intersection.

The machete then returned to Pan Goatee.

The uglocidally inclined satyr then sent the machete back again whereupon it promptly cut up the fat blimpy uglo’s body into 999 trillion pieces.

“Splendid! Splendid!” Shouted the ghost of King Henry VIII as he ate a ghostly spectral 32 ounce steak.

A couple of hours later, Pan Goatee was on his way back home from another neighbourhood shopping centre.

As he crossed the street and turned in the direction of his house, he was horrified to see a fat ugly blimp coming right at him.

The fat ugly blimp waved at him.

“What makes you think I’d wave back at someone as fat and ugly as you are?” Goatee commented as he lopped off the fat ugly blimp’s head and kicked it down a nearby sewer.

“Splendid! Splendid!” Shouted the ghost of Citizen Louis Antoine de Saint-Just as he stood across the street.

Goatee then cut up the fat ugly blimp’s hideously fat ugly body into 999 trillion pieces.

“Splendid! Splendid!” Shouted the curator of the Jack the Ripper Museum as he stood eating a hot fudge sundae at the corner.

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee:
Ridding the world of fat ugly blimps one fat ugly cow at a time.
They particularly crawl and waddle out of the woodwork during Calgary Stampede week.

. . .

Zeus (speaking to his wife Hera on Mount Olympus): I hope Pan Goatee is able to successfully bump off all the ugly women in Canada soon. I haven’t been able to visit Canada in ages.

Hera: May I remind you that the gods and goddesses of Olympus are still pissed off at Pan Goatee for lopping off the head of the goddess Hecate when she was in her ugly crone form.

Zeus: Oh, that’s right. Where was Hecate’s head buried again?

Hera: Under the central High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica in Rome on Pope Francis’ orders several years ago.

. . .

Pope Francis was talking to one of his advisors Cardinal Walter Kasper.

“Have you read the reports coming in from the Diocese of Calgary on all the ugly women being beheaded in that diocese?” Cardinal Kasper asked.

“Am I expected to apologize for that as well as what went on in the Church run Indian residential schools in Canada?” The snarky sounding Pope Francis harrumphed.

“Of course not,” Cardinal Kasper answered as he swatted away Casper the Friendly Ghost, “Although it’s interesting to note that Pan Goatee was released upon the world the same day as you were elected Pope.”

“But I’ve only had good looking athletic looking priests in their early 40s as my papal secretaries and when they get too old and unattractive, I dump them in the same way Donald Trump dumps his ex-wives,” Pope Francis protested.

“Well how about that for a coincidence?” Stated the ghost of late 19th Century British barrister Edward Carson.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 18th
2021.

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Satanic Witch Kathleen Sebelius Is An Apostle of The Antichrist

July 16, 2021 at 10:47 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

BBC News Announcer: British MP Renfield R. Renfield continues to find himself at the center of controversy.
Earlier this week the colourful MP publicly called for the assassination of French President Emmanuel Macron after Mr. Macron announced that he would like to implement a vaccine passport in France.
Then this past Wednesday Mr. Renfield recorded and released his own paraphrased version of the John Lennon song Imagine.
That song sent George Soros, Bill Gates, Xi Jinping and WHO head Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus into fits of apoplexy from which they’re yet to recover.
Today Renfield made a statement at a press conference that sent former U.S. President Barack Obama into a fit of apoplexy from which he’s yet to recover.
This latest controversy started this past Tuesday when former Obama Administration Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius appeared on CNN’s OutFront program and said that Americans who have not received a Coronavirus vaccine should not be allowed to work or have access to children and should be limited on where they are allowed to go.
Today Renfield at his press conference publicly called for former U.S. Health Secretary Kathleen Sebelius to be assassinated.

(A video clip is then shown of Renfield)

Renfield (speaking): “Ms. Sebelius in making these statements has shown herself to be one of many despots and demagogues on the globe who would seek to impose tyranny on the world in the name of their self-professed “expertise in health”. The greatest Catholic philosopher of all times Saint Thomas Aquinas said that tyrannicide (the killing of a tyrant) is a morally justifiable form of killing. It is for the common good (that tyrants like her are always yacking about) and for the glorious cause of freedom (that tyrants like her have no idea what it means) that this woman should be dispatched from this life and sent on her merry way to the flames of Tartarus where she belongs.”

A short animated music video about 6 seconds in length (that Renfield made and produced) is then shown on the screen behind Renfield.

The short animated music video shows former U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius singing a few paraphrased lyrics from John Lennon’s song Imagine.

Sings Kathleen Sebelius,

“You might think I’m an asshole
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 16th
2021.

The lovely Pier Angeli at Port Afrique in 1956 prophetically says

to the ugly satanic witch Kathleen Sebelius in 2021,
“I renounce you as Christ’s enemy and Antichrist’s disciple.”

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Pan Goatee Celebrates The Day After Bastille Day 2021 By Beheadings

July 15, 2021 at 10:44 pm (Aesthetics) ()

It was the day after Bastille Day 2021 and Pan Goatee walked into a pharmacy to see if they had any specials.

They didn’t.

They did however had a fat ugly blimp working whom Pan Goatee promptly beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces with his laser machete.

He then went next door to the Dollarama store where they had another fat ugly blimp working.

He did the same to her.

As he walked through the parking lot, he encountered various fat ugly blimps whom he also beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces.

He went into a grocery store and encountered another fat ugly blimp.

Off with her head!

Slice into 999 trillion pieces!

“It must be because it’s the day after Bastille Day that I’m having to do so many beheadings,” Goatee deduced as he looked at the date on his watch July 15th 2021.

The genetically created satyr serial killer then went into a Vietnamese restaurant where he ordered the beef salad spring rolls.

He ate them, paid the bill and left.

“Did you behead anybody in there?” A member of the tabloid press asked him.

“No, fortunately for them, they didn’t have any ugly people in there,” Goatee answered, “Now that I think about it, most of the fat ugly blimps in this city and particularly in this neighbourhood are all white. It shoots a very big hole into the BLM Marxist fallacy and Critical Race Theory Marxist propaganda bullshit where they’re all yacking away about “white privilege”. A race that has that many ugly women living in this city and this neighbourhood definitely isn’t privileged.”

“May I quote you on that?” The tabloid newsman whipped out a pencil and notebook.

“Of course,” Pan Goatee nodded.

At a traffic intersection, Goatee noticed a fat ugly blimp with pink hair crossing the street.

“Pink hair doesn’t make you look more beautiful,” Goatee explained as he beheaded the blimp (pink hair and all) and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“Why 999 trillion?” The tabloid newsman asked as he caught up with the satyr.

“I have an obsessive compulsive disorder about the number,” Goatee answered.

And that was how Pan Goatee celebrated the day after Bastille Day 2021.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 15th
2021.

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