Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange
Renfield Discusses Mohammed Morsi and Julian Assange
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont on the roof of Angelique Dumont’s apartment building.
“So,” Miss Dumont opened up the lunch basket, “I hear former Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi collapsed and died in an Egyptian courtroom yesterday after giving a five minute statement to the court.”
“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher has been trying to get Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to use his visionary powers to determine what happened that caused Morsi’s death but the visions keep being blocked by the spirit of the Egyptian god Horus.”
“Isn’t that the god whose eyeball appears as the capstone above the pyramid in the Novus Ordo Seclorum spot on the American dollar bill?” Amadeus asked as he ate a pickle and an olive and a devilled egg.
“It is,” Renfield nodded, “the same god who buried your employer Set alive in a tomb millennia ago.”
“But didn’t Set cut up Horus’ father Osiris into 14 pieces on one occasion?” Amadeus went for the cole slaw and chop suey.
“He did,” Renfield admitted, “Those old Egyptian family feuds make today’s soap operas look like child’s play by comparison.”
“It doesn’t sound like Morsi was treated very well in prison by the Egyptian government,” Angelique Dumont ate a fried scorpion.
“He wasn’t,” Renfield put some caviar on a cracker, “I didn’t like Morsi myself. After all anyone who gets the admiration of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, there’s obviously something seriously wrong with that person. But still to keep someone in isolation and solitary confinement 23 hours a day and to deny them access to their doctors and lawyers and friends and family is clearly a human rights violation.”
“Isn’t that what the British government is currently doing to Julian Assange?” Angelique Dumont asked a pointed question.
“It is,” Renfield had to admit.
“Well, you’re a member of the House of Commons,” Angelique ate a roast pork sandwich, “why don’t you do something about it?”.
“I’ve tried,” Renfield answered, “but I find myself up against those same dark forces in the British deep state apparatus that Her Majesty the Queen warned the late Princess Diana’s butler and valet about.”
“Well, you can shapeshift into a hamster, can’t you?” Amadeus was now enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, “couldn’t you shapeshift into a hamster and enter Assange’s prison cell and find out what’s happening?”.
Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had given Renfield the genetic ability to shapeshift into a hamster back in the early 2000s.
“I’ve tried doing that,” Renfield replied, “but there’s some dark magic forces at work within the vicinity of Assange’s prison. I’m unable to enter it in shapeshifted hamster form. And I don’t have the high level security clearance to do it in human form.”
“What dark magic forces are at work around Assange’s prison?” Amadeus queried.
“Michelangelo has indicated through typing with his lobster claws on his waterproof iPad that it was a powerful spell cast by the powerful demons Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield started munching on a tuna fish sandwich.
“Why do the demons Baal and Baphomet have it in for Julian Assange?” Amadeus opened a tin of sardines.
“I can answer that, Amadeus,” Angelique smiled, “Baal and Baphomet backed Hillary Clinton for President in 2016. And Assange released Hillary’s emails on Wikileaks in 2016 helping to damage her campaign.”
“What demons backed Donald Trump for President?” Amadeus ate a banana.
“That would be Mammon and Mephistopheles,” Angelique answered.
“So Mammon and Mephistopheles won?” Amadeus noticed no more food left in the picnic basket.
“With a little help of collusion from a genie in a Russian vodka bottle according to the snivelling of Baal and Baphomet,” Renfield opened a bottle of bourbon.
The New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont wearing Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Protective Sunblock For Vampiresses enjoying the sunshine on her London apartment building rooftop.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2019.
Esperanza Ramirez
Esperanza Ramirez
By night, Esperanza Ramirez worked as a singer in a Havana lounge.
By day, she occasionally did intelligence work for London-based Set Enterprises if they felt the need to know what was really going on in Cuba.
Today Esperanza Ramirez sat in her late 1950s convertible with the hood up and the doors open and smoked a cigar as she kept her eyes on the hacienda of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike just down the street.
So far Robur Pike had been visited by representatives of the Iranian Islamic Revolutionary Guard, the American CIA, the Israeli Mossad, the Saudi Secret Intelligence Service and the IBC.
In London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing were reading text messages from Esperanza Ramirez on Huawei smart phones.
“An interesting array of clientele visiting Pike,” Van Helsing remarked.
“What is Pike doing meeting the President of the International Biscuit Company (IBC)?” Renfield mused aloud.
“Perhaps he wants to order some more biscuits,” Renfield’s friend Amadeus Emanon answered as he helped himself to some more tea biscuits to go with his tea.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 17th
2019.
Father’s Day 2019: A Poem
Father’s Day 2019: A Poem
Sundown
The end of the day
Early morning
And a new life will call
You were a dad
And a great one at that
But now is your time
To see the Heavenly Father’s face
Beyond the stars
Is a beautiful place
Beyond what we can dream
And what you see is now Eternity
You were a teacher most of your life
And come June the students would close their books
And you and they would embark on holiday
It’s somehow fitting that in the month of June
you would embark on your Heavenly holiday
A never ending story
You showed no fear
The day you went away
You went to your Father’s hands
The birth of a new day
-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday June 16th 2019.
This year’s Father’s Day.
-dedicated to my father George
who passed away 9 years ago
today
on June 16th 2010.
Renfield and The Gulf of Oman Incident
Renfield and The Gulf of Oman Incident
“So,” Amadeus said to Renfield over the 12 servings of shepherd’s pie that he was eating, “are you still in line to become the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering should Boris Johnson win the British Conservative Party leadership next month and move into 10 Downing Street as Prime Minister?”.
“Well I was,” Renfield replied over the single tuna fish sandwich that he was eating, “until I publicly said in a BBC Radio Interview that the Iranians may not be responsible for the attacks on the Japanese owned Kokuka Courageous and Norwegian owned Front Altair oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman.”
“That upset people?” Amadeus queried.
“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger, who is currently in North America, reports that huge boxes of Rolaids and Tums tablets for heartburn relief were seen being delivered to National Security advisor John Bolton and U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo shortly after I had made that statement.”
“What about here in Britain?” Amadeus poured a smattering of Lea and Perrins Worcestershire sauce on his shepherd’s pies.
“Apparently leading members of Britain’s Foreign Policy establishment have their panties in a knot as well,” Renfield admitted, “which, while it’s turning out to be great news for the Ladies’ Underwear Department at Harrods in terms of new sales to the fellows in pinstripe trousers in the Foreign Policy establishment, is lessening my chances of becoming a cabinet minister should Boris Johnson become Prime Minister.”
“And does that worry you?” Amadeus inquired.
“Well,” Renfield sipped his brandy, “My mentor the ghost of Winston Churchill often found himself out of high political office from time to time for sticking to his principles.”
“Any idea who else might be responsible?” Amadeus asked as he realized that he had now eaten his entire dozen shepherd’s pies.
“It might be the American CIA, the Israeli Mossad or the extensive cleaning maintenance and janitorial staff of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman,” Renfield answered.
“I notice Mohammad bin Salman just issued a statement,” Amadeus checked the BBC News App on his smart phone, “accusing Iran of carrying out the past June 13th twin attacks on the two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman. He says that while he does not want a war, he won’t hesitate to tackle threats to his kingdom.”
“Just like Hitler never hesitated to tackle the threats that Czechoslovakia and Poland posed to the Third Reich,” Renfield reflected.
“Wasn’t Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster getting telepathic visual updates on what’s happening in the Desert Kingdom?” Amadeus ordered a dozen steak and kidney pies from the waiter.
“Yes, he’s said the Saudi Crown Prince has been attending seances at which the ghost of Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai has been appearing to him,” Renfield helped himself to some nuts.
“Who’s Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai?” Amadeus sipped his tea.
“He’s a 2nd Century AD rabbi considered to be the author of the Zohar the chief work of the Kabbalah although some Jewish scholars dispute that,” Renfield answered, “and there are some who think he might be the inspiration for a mysterious figure in the Knight Kadosh thirtieth degree of Scottish Rite Freemasonry.”
“That’s weird that the Saudi Crown Prince is talking to some rabbi’s ghost,” Amadeus noted.
“Michelangelo said the Crown Prince was talking to Lady MacBeth’s ghost on how to wipe the blood off one’s hands when his cleaning maintenance and janitorial staff performed an involuntary dissection on journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul last autumn.”
. . .
An agent for the party involved in the attack on the two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman was now at the Moscow Zoo in the Russian capital.
He was here to poison a bamboo shoot that would be eaten by Ding Ding a 2-year-old female panda given by China to Russia earlier this year in honour of 2019 being the 70th Anniversary of diplomatic relations between Russia and the People’s Republic of China.
The assassin was startled to hear a noise on the panda grounds just as he was about to inject a lethal poison into the bamboo shoot with a needle.
He looked up and saw approaching him a creature with the head and horns of a stag, the torso and arms of a human and the legs and feet of a deer.
The creature was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos and in his arms the Celtic deity carried a crossbow with a poisoned arrow.
Cernunnos fired the arrow at the assassin and he died instantly.
The horned god then picked up the poisonous needle and attached it to one of his own arrows.
The bamboo shoot was left free of poison and Ding Ding continued to enjoy her Sichuan cuisine.
. . .
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the London hotel room and noticed he was transported once more into a black and white film movie environment.
As always happened when he wore a ring that had once belonged to film director Orson Welles.
Standing alongside an antique writing desk in the room was the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis looking exquisite in a lovely floral decorated evening gown and holding a lovely floral decorated Asian fan.
Van Helsing addressed the goddess, “Your Majesty, on those occasions when you do shapeshift into a mermaid, you have been known to swim the waters of the Gulf of Oman and the Persian Gulf. Did you happen to see who was responsible for the recent oil tanker attacks?”.
Van Helsing and Atargatis engaged in an exchange of information.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 15th
2019.
Renfield Attends London Club Luncheon For U.S. Ambassador
Renfield Attends London Club Luncheon For U.S. Ambassador
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was attending a luncheon at an exclusive London club where the U.S. Ambassador to the United Kingdom would be speaking.
Renfield wouldn’t be sitting at the head table but would be sitting at the table directly in front of the podium where the Ambassador would be speaking.
The Ambassador began his speech and told those assembled in the hall about how Donald Trump was making America great again.
As the Ambassador talked, Renfield took off his jacket showing off the t-shirt that he was wearing that said TORONTO RAPTORS.
Last night the Toronto Raptors had become the first Canadian basketball team and the first non-American basketball team in history to win the NBA Championships.
The sight of Renfield wearing a Toronto Raptors t-shirt caused the U.S. Ambassador to stumble in his speech about Donald Trump making America great again.
. . .
In the streets of Toronto last night, Canadian Global News reporter Mark Carcasole caught up with a Toronto Raptors fan that social media platforms have now dubbed Plant Guy.
The Plant Guy who had made his way through downtown Toronto carrying a huge tree like plant complete with roots said he intended to give the plant as a housewarming gift to Toronto Raptors MVP Kawhi Leonard after the team won the NBA Championship Thursday night defeating the Golden State Warriors in Oakland California.
The Plant Guy asked reporter Carcasole if he had seen Leonard in the streets of Toronto at all that night.
The reporter answered in the negative saying that Kawhi was most likely still in the locker room in Oakland celebrating the victory with his team mates.
Plant Guy went on down the street where he ran into the ET gray Gali-Gula.
Gali-Gula was normally only seen by people who had been smoking a certain substance but undoubtedly on this magical Toronto evening, Plant Guy was able to see the little ET.
Plant Guy and Gali-Gula went for a drink where they ordered a couple of Harvey Wallbangers allowing them to see Harvey Tallbanger the normally invisible 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent for Set Enterprises.
Tallbanger informed the pair that the President of Kokuka Sangyo Company (the firm that owned the Kokuka Courageous oil tanker that had been attacked in the Gulf of Oman yesterday) had been attacked by two unidentified “flying objects” in an official statement he made.
Meanwhile in Ottawa, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told a reporter for a major Canadian financial periodical that he was happy to report that Canadian cannabis sales were up all over the world.
Meanwhile Donald Trump was having a conversation with Lexington his English butler and valet and asked his butler whether he thought it was a good idea to build a wall along the Canada-U.S. border in an effort to keep Plant Guy out of the U.S.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 14th
2019.
Qonzilqointec Encounters Neo-Nazi Billionaire In Dubai
Wearing protective sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was walking the streets of Dubai.
After touring Dubai’s extensive fashion district, she went to have lunch in a restaurant atop one of the city’s sky scraping towers.
It was while she was having lunch that she recognized the Havana-based Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike sitting in the very same restaurant.
Robur Pike who called himself Robur The Conquerer II flew around in a giant propeller powered airship called The Albatross II.
Robur Pike had been genetically cloned from locks of hair belonging to Confederate Brigadier-General Albert Pike (a high-ranking Scottish Rite Freemason, Lucifer worshipper, racist and Ku Klux Klansman) in a Knoxville, Tennessee genetics laboratory back in 1966 by a Nazi scientist Dr. Eckhart Fromm who had been brought to the United States through Operation Paperclip.
Robur Pike lived in Havana, Cuba (due to the huge financial donations he ironically gave the Cuban Communist Party) because that was the city his DNA father Albert Pike envisioned as the capital of a vast slave empire that would include not only the Confederate States of America but also Mexico and various Central American and Caribbean states as well as the South American nation of Brazil.
Various wealthy landowners in Mexico, Central America and Brazil as well as generals in those nations’ armies sympathetic to the cause were prepared to throw their support behind the Confederacy and send troops and soldiers north in support of the Confederacy to battle the Union Army.
The plan fell apart in a meeting in 1864 between Jefferson Davis (President of the Confederate States of America), Albert Pike and Robert E. Lee.
Lee who had only assumed command in the Confederate Army because his beloved home region of northern Virginia had voted to join the Confederacy was opposed to the plan.
Lee, a devout Christian, had become personally an abolitionist over time and while he supported the right of the southern states to secede (something that was actually granted in the U.S. Constitution), he personally thought the Confederacy would have to come to abolish slavery itself because he became convinced that no modern nation could be built on such an abhorrent institution.
Lee told Davis that if the Confederate President backed the Pike Plan, he Lee would join the Union Army.
The plan fell apart.
And Pike (the founder of the Knights of the Golden Circle the Masonic paramilitary group that backed the idea of an intercontinental slave empire of the Americas) never forgave Lee.
But disciples of the Devil can have the last laugh for a while in history.
Beginning in 2015, the brainless anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa sought to have statues of Robert E. Lee torn down throughout the south with their efforts being applauded by brainless liberal allies in the U.S. news media and brainless liberal U.S. politicians.
Totally oblivious to the fact that Lee had in fact saved the Union through his rejection of the Pike Plan.
But such is the attitude of a narcissistic nation that had in 2016 elected a narcissistic President.
For even most U.S. historians (including those at Harvard and Yale) were unaware of Pike’s plan.
A Master’s Degree History student from Brazil who was researching the papers of powerful Brazilian families and generals from the 19th Century knew about the Pike, Davis and Lee meeting.
But since American academia seemed to ignore the role that other world powers tried to play in the U.S. Civil War, such efforts being undertaken outside the U.S. did not fall under their radar.
And Lee had his statues taken down.
And Lee’s Battle Flag of Northern Virginia was adopted as the symbol of segregation by the Ku Klux Klux only in the 1950s.
The so-called Confederate Flag as it was called by brainless northern liberals never was the flag of the Confederate States of America but was in fact Lee’s battle flag for northern Virginia.
But Lee would come to be regarded with opprobrium in 21st Century America while Pike’s statue would continue to stand in Washington DC and Pike would be regarded as a respected Scottish Rite Freemasonic authority the author of the standard Freemasonic text Morals and Dogma.
Qonzilqointec got a text message from British MP Renfield R. Renfield as she gazed over at Pike.
Renfield wondered with Qonzilqointec being over in Dubai, if she’d keep her eyes and ears open as to who might be responsible for today’s attacks on two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman.
Renfield said he couldn’t put much stock in U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s statement that Iran was responsible for the “unprovoked attacks” because as Renfield put it, “He would say that wouldn’t he?”.
A month earlier, 4 oil tankers were slightly damaged in an unclaimed attack off the United Arab Emirates.
The U.S. had blamed Iran for those attacks as well.
Qonzilqointec mentioned to Renfield that Pike was in Dubai and the attack on the Japanese owned Kokuka Courageous and Norwegian owned Front Altair oil tankers were the sort of dirty shenanigans he might be involved in.
“That is interesting,” Renfield sipped his 12 year old single malt highland whisky as he texted, “I wonder who Robur might be working for? The Iranians, the U.S. or in one of those twisted ironies of history, the Israelis? Since it’s an open geopolitical secret that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu would like nothing less than a U.S. war of regime change coming to Iran.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 13th
2019.
Pan Goatee Vs. The Disciples of Elagabulus
Pan Goatee Vs. The Disciples of Elagabulus
Even though there were plenty of seats, some guy stood up in the middle of the aisle and was blocking people from easily entering and exiting the door of the train.
Fortunately for the last vestiges of culture and civilization, Pan Goatee happened to be riding the train.
He solved the problem by beheading the said idiot and kicking the head down the middle of the aisle.
Goatee got off the train to the sound of thunderous applause.
It wasn’t usually the case that serial killers were popular but Pan Goatee a resurrected satyr of the Ancient Greek world was an exception.
Goatee had recently been hired by the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (she had, in her mortal life, been the Byzantine Empress Theodora and the wife of the Emperor Justinian the Great) to bump off disciples of the notorious Roman Emperor Elagabalus (who reigned from May 16th 218 AD to March 11th 222 AD) who were currently in position as leading CEOs of the techno giant social media networks and helping to stifle free speech on those networks.
Elagabalus (whose official name as Roman Emperor was Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus) had been a transgendered Roman ruler.
He who called himself she was a thorough and utter despot.
So were his/her disciples in the modern world.
Elagabalus had been the hereditary high priest of the Roman Syrian sun god Heliogabalus at Emesa in Syria prior to his ascension to the throne as Emperor.
A Temple called the Elagabalium was built on the east face of the Palatine Hill to house the holy stone of the Emesa temple – a black conical meteorite.
During his short and brief reign, the Emperor/Empress Elagabalus had been so thoroughly obnoxious, he equally offended the Praetorian Guard, the Senate and the common people alike.
He was mercifully assassinated on March 11th 222 AD and was replaced by his cousin Severus Alexander.
Elagabalus’ modern disciples the Transgenderofascists had pretty well assumed Imperial Roman like power in Canada following the election of Pretty Boy Justin Trudeau in 2015.
Hopefully they’ll be on the way out of power in this autumn’s Canadian federal election.
Of course the Transgenderofascists were heavily at work in the U.S. trying to make inroads in the U.S. Democratic Party.
Many Americans might be more inclined to accept the idea of Medicare For All if they didn’t also have to accept the Transgenderofascist idea of oppression of freedom of speech and freedom of religion which went along with the modern American so-called progressive agenda that now controlled the U.S. Democratic Party.
Leading front runner Joe Biden was promising to unleash the greatest persecution of traditional Catholic and Bible believing Evangelical Christians in the name of Transgenderofascism should he be elected President.
Meanwhile as the various Transgenderofascist CEOs of various social media techno giants bragged about crushing freedom of speech, they found themselves being beheaded by Pan Goatee in the middle of their interviews.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 12th
2019.
Roman Goddess Fortuna Gives Her Opinion of The New Order of Malta Grand Master
Roman Goddess Fortuna Gives Her Opinion of the New Order of Malta Grand Master
The Roman goddess Fortuna was shocked to hear that the new Grand Master of the Order of Malta Fra Giacomo Dalla Torre del Tempio di Sanguinetto has banned all liturgical ceremonies celebrating the Latin Tridentine Mass within the Order of Malta.
A letter from Fra Giacomo Dalla Torre was sent to all grand priory and national association presidents saying that “henceforth all the liturgical ceremonies within our Order must be performed according to the Ordinary rite of the Church (rite of Saint Paul VI) and not the Extraordinary rite (Tridentine rite).”
The use of unusual terminology in the letter such as “rite of Saint Paul VI ” (Pope Paul VI has never been canonized a Saint in the Catholic Church) and the misspelling of Summorum Pontificum (the name of Pope Benedict XVI’s July 2007 Apostolic Letter allowing use of the Latin Tridentine Mass in the Church again) led to doubts over the letter’s authenticity. Yesterday evening a spokesperson for the Order said the letter was not genuine but, after consultation with the Grand Master, confirmed that it was in fact real.
The Roman goddess Fortuna (a lover of the Latin language and the Latin Tridentine Mass) thought Order of Malta Grand Master Giacomo Dalla Torre was a total absolute idiot for banning all use of the Latin Tridentine Mass in all liturgical ceremonies of the Order of Malta.
To say nothing of being a total absolute idiot for thinking that Pope Paul VI was an officially canonized Saint by the Catholic Church.
To say nothing of being a total absolute idiot for misspelling Summorum Pontificum.
Heck even the Weasley Brothers Fred and George (after intensive tutoring by Hermione Granger) learned how to spell the words Summorum Pontificum.
Fortuna thought to herself that, even with intensive tutoring by Hermione Granger, the new Order of Malta Grand Master would still be unable to spell Summorum Pontificum.
The Roman goddess Fortuna in a photo text message to the new Order of Malta Grand Master lets him know what she thinks of his decision to ban the Latin Tridentine Mass from the Order’s liturgical celebrations.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 11th
2019.
Miranda Singh Encounters The Greek God Ares
Miranda Singh Encounters The Greek God Ares
Miranda Singh is stopped on the steps of a Jerusalem shopping mall by the Greek god Ares
As Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked up the steps of a Jerusalem shopping mall, she was suddenly approached from behind by Ares the Greek god of war.
“Stop,” Ares had said to her, “Is it true that you have the invisibility bracelets of the goddess Kali in your possession?”.
As Ares moved in closer, Miranda kicked him down the stairs with one of her spiked stilettos where the Greek war deity hit his head on the sidewalk when he reached the bottom of the stairs.
He was immediately sent to cuckoo-land.
The Olympian dreamed that he was in a clockmaker’s shop in Switzerland where the clock maker was making a clock where Donald Trump came out by the hour and said, “Cuck-hoo! Cuck-hoo!”.
Miranda Singh had been given the heads up by her employer Set that she might be approached by a Greek deity.
Apparently Set Enterprises’ Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had received a vision that the deities of Mount Olympus were very interested in the upcoming Middle East security summit that would be held in Israel between the Israeli, U.S. and Russian national security advisors.
Miranda Singh would be covertly attending the summit by wearing the invisibility bracelets of the goddess Kali.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 10th
2019.
Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt
Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt
The gypsy Esmeralda had just finished a dance and was sitting in a corner of Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris.
Suddenly she was approached by the Greek god Zeus.
“Howdy,” said Zeus who had been sitting up at the bar and shooting the breeze with a Texas oilman, “How would you like to see my Olympian sized Greek sausage?”.
The deity started to raise his Greek toga.
“Be a gentleman,” said the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger who hit Zeus over the head with one of his own lightning bolts that he had left behind in an Adidas bag full of lightning bolts next to his stool.
As Zeus hit the floor, he moaned, “That’s the first time in history I’ve been hit by one of my own lightning bolts. And by a bunny rabbit at that.”
“By a very tall bunny rabbit though,” Esmeralda said as she sipped a Harvey Wallbanger allowing her to see the usually invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit.
“I’ll be the laughing stock of the Vegreville summit,” Zeus sighed, “Vegreville being to the gods and goddesses of the world’s nations – the Greeks, the Norse, the Egyptian, the Celtic, the Phoenician, Babylonian etc. what the Davos summit is to mortal men and women.”
“You gods and goddesses meet yearly in the city of Vegreville, Alberta, Canada?” Harvey Tallbanger was shocked, “In the name of God, why?”.
“I hear Vegreville has the world’s tallest Easter egg,” Esmeralda pointed out.
“Well it wasn’t me who laid it,” Harvey the rabbit said in his own defense.
“It may have been me,” Zeus remarked before succumbing to unconsciousness as a result of being hit by one of his own lightning bolts.
. . .
The Greek goddess Hera
“I have the feeling my husband Zeus is once again up to no good,” the Greek goddess Hera remarked to private eye Carson Cody Albion.
Years before, Hera had hired Albion to spy on her horny husband and now she was doing so again.
“What makes you think so?” Albion lit himself a cigarette.
“Well,” Hera got up from her chair, turned around and looked at Albion:
“We were at the 75th Anniversary celebrations of D-Day on Juno Beach last Thursday,” Hera explained and smoothed the top of the chair, “Juno Beach was named after me, you understand? Or at least the Roman side of my persona. Donald Trump had just signed his name at the top of the 75th Anniversary D-Day proclamation whereas every other world leader present had signed their name at the bottom when Zeus told me, he had to get back to Paris for some reason and he wasn’t talking about the long dead Trojan who had slain Achilles with an arrow to the foot.”
“You suspect he’s got something going on in Paris?” Albion closed his notebook and put it in his pocket.
“I do,” said the goddess as she fanned herself.
Albion marvelled at how in the past 2 minutes, Hera was able to make clothing changes even faster than Japanese pop music superstar Moritaka Chisato.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 9th
2019.
