Baphomet News Network Editorial On American Politics

September 22, 2018 at 6:46 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Baphomet News Network Editorial On American Politics

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was picking up yet another Baphomet News Network broadcast from Hell on his psychic lobster antennae.

Baphomet News Network Announcer: And here with today’s network editorial is the Baphomet News Network’s Chief Editorialist-
Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius…

Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius: Hi, I’m Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius with your editorial for the last day of summer in the Northern Hemisphere- Saturday, September 22nd 2018.

One of the quotes of the Enemy that a lot of mortals misinterpret is, “And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself; how then shall his kingdom stand?”.

That means of course that Satan will not cast out Satan, Beelzebub will not cast out Beelzebub, Lucifer will not cast out Lucifer, Mephistopheles will not cast out Mephistopheles, Moloch will not cast out Moloch, The Baphomet will not cast out Baphomet.

However mortals take it to mean that demons will not confront one another.

Now indeed we will not confront Lucifer the Devil unless we’re totally masochistic.

But we know we will challenge and confront one another other than Lucifer.

For example, we know that Mephistopheles controlled Nazi Germany’s Hitler just like Moloch controlled the Soviet Union’s Stalin.

Moloch of course won that contest.

The demon Mammon won the Cold War against Moloch.

And today as we know, Mammon, Mephistopheles, Moloch and Baphomet hold joint jurisdiction over the United States of America 🇺🇸 which of course explains why the U.S. is so divided and why that country is in the mess it is.

Of course, most U.S. Republican Party members and supporters worship Mammon and Mephistopheles while most U.S. Democratic Party members and supporters worship Moloch (aka Baal) and Baphomet…”

The transmission suddenly ended.

But Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was grateful for one thing.

He now thoroughly understood U.S. politics.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 22nd
2018.

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Haiku About Elijah Vs. The Prophets of Baal

September 22, 2018 at 5:41 pm (Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , )

Mount Carmel Battle
Baal’s prophets go up in flames
Then down into flames

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Haiku About Irene Adler

September 22, 2018 at 5:28 pm (Crime, Culture, Detective story, Poetry) (, , , , , , , )

A great stage actress
stole Bohemian king’s heart
and then Sherlock Holmes’

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Haiku About Sherlock Holmes of 221B Baker Street

September 22, 2018 at 5:12 pm (Crime, Culture, Detective story, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Comfortable rooms
filled with smoke from a curved pipe
hides truly great mind

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Haiku About Jack The Ripper and The Autumn of Terror

September 22, 2018 at 4:53 pm (Poetry) (, , )

In the London mists
a dark figure walks the streets
paving them with blood

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Reblog of Haiku About A Unique Cuisine Chef

September 22, 2018 at 1:42 pm (Poetry) (, , , )

Here’s a haiku about a unique cuisine chef I wrote 5 years ago today:

Dracul Van Helsing

Old friends for dinner

as in days of Auld Lang Syne

smiles Hannibal Lector

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Baphomet News Network

September 21, 2018 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Baphomet News Network

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was picking up a news broadcast from Hell- the Baphomet News Network.

Baphomet News Announcer:

Apostle of the Antichrist Father James J. Martin SJ who was appointed to the Vatican’s Secretariat For Communications last year by Apostle of the Antichrist Pope Francis has been nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize.

The winner will be announced on Halloween 🎃 and the award will be presented on the River Styx on November 11th- the 100th anniversary of the end of the First World War.

In other news, the Antichrist Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago Blaise Cupich has likewise been nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize for saying that sexual molestation of children by priests is not as important an issue as “proper recycling to help the environment”.

Of course pedophile priest Father Richard McGrath, who suddenly retired last December as administrator of a Catholic High School in New Lennox, Illinois after naked pictures of boys was found on his cell phone, was granted permission by Antichrist Chicago Archbishop Cardinal Blaise Cupich to retire to a monastery in Chicago which was just steps away from Saint Thomas The Apostle Grade School.

No word yet on how Father McGrath’s penance is coming along.

Meanwhile it turns out that Archbishop Richard McCarrick who had to resign as a Cardinal for his protection of pedophile priests (his resignation brought personal heartbreak to Pope Francis) was instrumental in negotiating a breakthrough on the state of the Catholic Church in China 🇨🇳 with the Beijing Government of Chinese President Xi Jinping (who is probably the biggest satanic megalomaniac to govern China 🇨🇳 since the late Chairman Mao Tse-tung).

The agreement is a total sellout and surrender to the Christ hating totalitarian regime in Beijing who will now be the ones responsible for appointing all bishops for the Catholic Church in China 🇨🇳.

Pope Francis is said to be as pleased as punch about the upcoming agreement.

Back in February 2016, Archbishop McCarrick told The Global Times in an exclusive interview that “the similarities between Pope Francis and Xi Jinping are a special gift for the world.”

As such, Archbishop McCarrick is also nominated for this year’s Baphomet Apostolic Evangelization Prize.

Archbishop McCarrick also enjoyed cordial relations with Bishop Aloysius Jin of Shanghai a Marxist Jesuit priest.

California Rep. Nancy Pelosi served as go-between for the two men back in 2009.”

Michelangelo’s vision of the Baphomet News Network broadcast ended and the same vision that the Apostle John had on the Isle of Patmos about the woman known as Mystery Babylon suddenly appeared to him.

Meanwhile in the Vatican, Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal walked into Pope Francis’ bedroom wearing a blazing red scarlet evening dress and carrying a golden chalice overflowing with red liquid.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 21st
2018.

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Pan Goatee and The Genetic Clone of Krampus

September 15, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Entertainment, Folklore, Mythology, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pan Goatee and The Genetic Clone of Krampus

Pan Goatee was hating living in Calgary.

He had never seen so many ugly women in one place as he had in this city.

The DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer had been ordered by DARPA to spy on supporters of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Federal Liberal Party in this city and bump them off if necessary.

DARPA was following the strict orders of a certain toupee wearing bozo (whose DARPA code name was the GOO – short for Great Orange 🍊 Orifice) in doing this.

The trouble was since there were so many ugly women in the city, Pan Goatee was spending a lot more time on his hobby of serial killing ugly women than he was on following instructions for DARPA.

In addition to killing ugly women, Pan Goatee had also been burning down drug gang controlled neighbourhoods in the city as part of his urban improvement project.

However he had developed machete wielder’s elbow on his right arm (as a result of beheading multitudes of ugly women with his astral laser machete) and arsonist’s thumb on his left hand (as a result of setting fires that burned down drug gang controlled neighbourhoods).

He was in pretty rough shape and Obamacare really didn’t help pay for treating his ailments.

“What a stupid policy Obamacare was,” Pan Goatee seethed.

Goatee asked Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA to make a genetic clone of Krampus (the half-demon half goat entity) who served as assistant to the saintly Saint Nicholas in Bavaria, Austria and Central Europe during the festive Advent and Christmas 🎄 seasons.

“I need Krampus as my assistant,” he explained.

Through cutting back financial support to ISIS, al-Qaeda, al-Nusra and other Islamist terrorists fighting Bashar al-Assad in Syria, the U.S. government was able to find the funding necessary to genetically clone Krampus.

Krampus was delighted to provide his DNA for a genetic clone of himself to serve as a personal assistant to Pan Goatee.

He was a big admirer of Pan Goatee’s and had in fact started an online Facebook fan club for the satyr serial killer of ugly looking women.

Numerous feminist groups and Hillary Clinton supporters had petitioned Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg to remove the group off Facebook but Zuckerberg refused.

Krampus had threatened to carry Zuckerberg off to Hell this coming December if he disbanded the group.

Just on the off chance that Pope Francis’ judgement on Hell was about as good as his judgement in covering up for pedophile covering bishops, Zuckerberg didn’t want to take a chance.

This Saturday September 15th 2018, Dr. Faustus Imhotep presented Krampus’ genetic clone Krampus The 2nd as a gift 💝 to Pan Goatee.

Krampus The 2nd jogged 7 times around the city of Calgary in honour of the 7 Hills of Rome.

Krampus then carried a large Christmas sack behind him as he and Pan Goatee went off to do a day’s work.

When Pan went to buy a submarine sandwich, a fat ugly white blimp got in his way.

“You stupid ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee punched her full force in her ugly looking face with his bandaged thumb left hand.

Krampus then beheaded her with Pan’s astral laser machete and proceeded to cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

He shoved the pieces into a Pope Francis approved environmentally friendly plastic garbage bag and put it into his sack and ran off to a drug gang controlled neighbourhood which the cloned demon goat burnt down with the fat ugly blimp’s arson soaked remains.

He rejoined Pan Goatee as Goatee stood at a traffic light.

Goatee noticed a fat ugly white blimp across the street from him and so he went and punched her in the face with his bandaged thumb left hand.

Krampus The 2nd beheaded her.

666 quintillion pieces.

Environmentally friendly garbage bag.

Arson soaked fat ugly blimp remains.

Bye-bye another drug gang controlled neighbourhood.

The demon goat jogged back to rejoin the half-human half-goat satyr.

Goatee tried jaywalking across the street but a cop stopped him.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you a ticket,” said the cop.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to order you beheaded,” said Pan Goatee.

Krampus The 2nd repeated the process with the cop as he did for the two fat ugly white blimps.

The cop would have been happy to know that his arson soaked remains burnt down another drug gang controlled neighbourhood. 😀

Goatee and Krampus The 2nd went for a ride on the transit train.

A fat ugly white blimp tried to board the train as Goatee was getting off.

“Out of the way, you hideously fat ugly repulsive looking creature,” Goatee punched her full force in her fat ugly face with his bandaged thumb left hand.

Behead. Slash into 666 quintillion pieces. Eco-friendly garbage bags. Arson soaked remains. Another drug gang neighbourhood sings a mournful dirge version of that old campfire 🔥 folk song Kumbaya.

Krampus The 2nd was getting it down to a fine art form.

When the cloned half-demon half goat rejoined the half-Human half-goat satyr, Goatee was boarding the transit train again.

This time a fat ugly white blimp got on behind him.

“You fucking fat ugly cow,” Goatee shouted at her, “Why don’t you have the decency to wear a paper bag over your head when you go out in public, you inconsiderate fat assed ton of lard.”

He punched her full force right in her stupid fat ugly pathetic face.

As Pan Goatee headed off to the emergency ward of the nearest hospital to get four knuckles and four fingers on his left hand bandaged, Krampus The 2nd went into full gear.

Beheading. Slicing into 666 quintillion pieces. Eco-friendly garbage bags. Arson soaked remains. 360 alarm fire.

Nero’s ghost played on his violin 🎻 Another One Bites The Dust while Pablo Escobar’s ghost counted the number of Air Miles points he had earned from buying boxes of ghostly spectral Kleenex tissues.

Krampus The 2nd: Aiding Pan Goatee in his ongoing campaign to rid the world of ugly looking women and other annoying people.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 15th
2018.

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Phantom of The Opera: A Poem As Sung and Recorded By Amadeus Emanon

September 14, 2018 at 10:37 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Film, Folklore, Ghost Story, love, Music, music videos, Musicals, Poetry, Romance, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Phantom of The Opera: A Poem
Sung and Recorded By Amadeus Emanon

Amadeus Emanon was at London music promoter Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell’s Wuthering Heights and Glencoe Hospitality Recording Studios (owned by Heathcliff’s company Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.) to record his first album Erik’s Lament: The Agony and Ecstasy of A Phantom In The Night.

Amadeus Emanon sang this song:

Phantom of The Opera: A Lament

Oh Phantom, you are the lonely one
You loved Christine who was daylight
to your realms of darkness
She let the sunlight shine in your heart
You taught her to sing
But she taught you to love
And hers by far was the greater gift

There in your lair beneath the Opera deep
Where you lay many an hour to lie there and weep
And let the hate consume your heart like heat
Burned and singed was it making your scar look neat

For your look you thought no one could love
Depriving you of joy on earth and in heaven above
But Christine looked and she saw
but you turned away and you let her go
For in the mirror you saw just the scar
But in her eyes, she saw your very soul
But you did not see and you did not know
And your love departed by the river’s flow

Oh what music you could have made
But your heart you buried in hate’s grave
For Christine wanted to be your love not your slave
Now she’s left you and gone away
While you pine all night and long for day
The day you once had but chased away
leaving you with childhood toys you used to play
And now your soul then your music will decay.

(-A poem written by Christopher
Friday September 7th 2018)

Inspired by the character of Erik as he is portrayed in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical The Phantom of The Opera.

Amadeus Emanon as he appears on the cover of his album (making it look like he was posing with his violin in an old 19th Century style photograph)

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Asmodeus, Assholes, Pot Smoking Demons and Carolina Moon

September 13, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Asmodeus, Assholes, Pot Smoking Demons and Carolina Moon

Former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney was (and still is) an asshole.

Probably the biggest asshole ever to occupy the office of Prime Minister of Canada (the second biggest asshole being the current Prime Minister Justin’s Marxist father Pierre Elliot Trudeau).

Every few years asshole Mulroney will crawl out of the woodwork just on the off chance the Canadian people have forgotten what a total moron he was and say something outrageously stupid to remind them.

A couple of days ago, asshole Mulroney crawled out of the woodwork to do just that.

While Mulroney’s two heavenly former guardian angels held an invisible spiritual dunce cap over his head, the former Prime Minister said he never approved of the Notwithstanding clause in the Canadian Constitution and attacked Ontario Premier Doug Ford for using it.

In an outburst of vocal flatulence, the former Prime Minister said he didn’t like the idea of a constitutional clause being used to override a decision of the Supreme Court of Canada.

It was precisely because of idiotic Supreme Court judges appointed by idiotic Prime Ministers like Mr. Bulroney (which is the way his name should be properly pronounced) and the two Trudeaus (pot smoking son and Marxist father) that the 8 Premiers who were opposed to Swinging (from the Maoist and Castro jungle branches) Pierre Elliot agreed to an entrenched Charter of Rights (which Pierre Elliot had modeled on Soviet dictator Josef Stalin’s high sounding and noble words declaring Charter of Human Rights enshrined in the Soviet Constitution of the USSR which history knows how genuinely successful that was) in the Canadian Constitution provided that Federal and Provincial governments have the power to override idiotic decisions by unelected judges (appointed as patronage appointments by idiotic political leaders) through the use of a Notwithstanding clause.

Unfunny clown 🤡 Bulroney seemed to have forgotten the fact that he had used an obscure clause in the original 1867 Constitution (that had never been previously invoked in Canada’s entire history until the unfortunate advent of asshole Bulroney) to stack the Canadian Federal Senate with a bunch of political hacks and Bulroney butt-kissing bozos in order to pass the most stupid tax ever created in Canadian history- the GST.

The Canadian senate in 1990 had announced that they were going to vote against Bulroney’s idiotic GST and kill the bill.

Thereupon the ass scratching Mulroney’s legal team found the obscure clause in the original 1867 Canadian Constitution which allowed the rash asshole Bulroney to stack the Senate with his own brown nosed and butt kissing supporters.

Also opposed to Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s use of the Notwithstanding clause was former Ontario Premier Bill Davis a man who was a great admirer of Marxist Pierre.

In fact Bill Davis was only one of two Premiers who supported Pierre in repatriating the Constitution with an entrenched Charter of Rights (the other Provincial Premier was Richard Hatfield the then marijuana pot smoking Premier of New Brunswick who was once caught with marijuana in his possession while flying on a plane ✈️ with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II). The other 8 provincial premiers were opposed to it.

Joining Brian Bulroney and Bill Davis in condemning Doug Ford’s use of the Notwithstanding clause were the major consumers of recreational Canadian cannabis- those who worked in Amnesty International’s Canada office who saw a moral equivalency between Doug Ford using the Notwithstanding clause to reduce the size of Toronto City Council and the way Syrian President Bashar al-Assad treats his political opponents.

After Bulroney made his announcement condemning the Notwithstanding clause, he was immediately kicked in his minuscule sized balls by DARPA contract assassin Panty Goatee (the genetically created twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and lovable serial killer Pan Goatee).

She had been hired by the International Federation of Vampire Hunters to do so.

This month’s Acting President of the International Federation of Vampire Hunters was the Alberta born and raised Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

. . .

Pope Francis thought he could smell cigarette smoke 💨 as he closed his bedroom door.

Sure enough, that’s what it was.

The nicotine addict and cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was lying in Pope Francis’s bed smoking a cigarette and reading National Geographic magazine.

“Hope you don’t mind me smoking in here,” Asmodeus wheezed before coughing a heavy smoker’s cough, “but Lilith was complaining that the smoke 💨 was bothering her so I came in here to smoke.”

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was currently visiting the ancient Phoenician vampiress Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal at the Vatican to discuss their mutual plans for the Middle East.

“No, I don’t mind,” Pope Francis coughed through the thick clouds ☁️ of smoke 💨.

“A most jolly good fellow you are,” Asmodeus belched as he drank his quadruple cream and quadruple tablespoonful of sugar mocha latte cafe coffee ☕️.

“Thank you,” said Pope Francis who was not used to receiving compliments these days.

“Say, do you think I should buy some reefers of recreational Canadian cannabis and start smoking that when they become legal?” Asmodeus licked the marshmallow cream moustache from underneath his nose, “do you think it will help me overcome my nicotine addiction?”.

“It might,” Pope Francis admitted.

“Say, what is the Papal position on demons smoking marijuana in your bed by the way?” Asmodeus asked out of curiosity.

“I’m not quite sure,” Pope Francis picked up his copy of the book Catholic Dogmatic Theology For Dummies that lay on his night table, “I’ll have to look it up.”

. . .

Hurricane Florence was about to hit the coast of the Carolinas.

Inside the eye of the storm doing a whirling dervish dance 💃🏻 was the Italian Renaissance vampiress Florence De Medici.

As she danced and twirled, Signora Florence De Medici sang, “Carolina moon keep shining, Shining on the one who waits for me…”

The Italian Renaissance vampiress Florence De Medici in her gardens on her palatial Estate in the Italian city of Florence in her pre-hurricane days.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 13th
2018.

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