Haiku About Saint Andrew’s Day

November 30, 2013 at 4:24 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Haiku About Saint Andrew’s Day

It’s Saint Andrew’s Day
Patron of Scotland and Greece
bagpipes flow ouzo

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Haiku About Possible Sarajevo 1914 Like Incident In Today’s World of Late 2013

November 29, 2013 at 4:59 pm (Commentary, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Haiku About Possible Sarajevo 1914 Like Incident In Today’s World Of Late 2013

Pilot strays through new
air defense zone of China
World War III begins

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Haiku About The Scarlet Pimpernel

November 28, 2013 at 3:43 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haiku About The Scarlet Pimpernel

Scarlet Pimpernel
hero mocks Reign of Terror
and cheats guillotine

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Haiku About A Rock Superstar On Stage

November 28, 2013 at 1:20 am (Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About A Rock Superstar On Stage

 

 

 

The rock star on stage

plays guitar gyrates his hips

crowd has orgasms

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Cardinal JM In Jerusalem

November 26, 2013 at 7:11 pm (Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Cardinal JM In Jerusalem

The Cardinal known as JM was in Jerusalem.

The Cardinal was a secret worshipper of the Ancient Greek gods Zeus and Apollo.

He was accompanied by his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.

They were standing in front of the al-Aqsa Mosque on the Temple Mount.

They had managed to sneak past both Israeli soldiers and the Islamic waqf’s security guards.

Cardinal JM carried a small statue of the Greek god Zeus and an incense burner.

Father Wardenclyffe carried a knife and a small pig.

Cardinal JM placed the statue of Zeus in front of the al-Aqsa Mosque.

He then placed the incense burner in front of the statue and lit it.

Cardinal JM then held the pig while Father Wardenclyffe slit the pig’s throat.

The blood fell to the ground in front of the statue of Zeus.

Cardinal JM intoned, “Oh Great Zeus as your beloved servant Antiochus Epiphanes did in days of old, I consecrate this area and this Mount to your service…

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 26th
2013.

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Jack’s Visit To Galway Bay

November 22, 2013 at 7:36 pm (Short Story) (, , , , , , , )

Jack’s Visit To Galway Bay

Jack was enjoying his visit to Galway Bay.

He loved Ireland.

As he stood on the wet sandy beach, he looked across the shore and saw the village of Claddagh on the other side of the Bay.

He could see the moon rising over Claddagh.

He smiled.

He then turned his gaze towards the far western edges of the Bay.

And the sun was setting on Galway Bay.

It was like that old Irish song he loved so well- Galway Bay- whose lyrics went, “… you can sit and watch the moon rise over Claddagh and see the sun go down on Galway Bay.”

How wonderful Jack thought.

The lyrics of that song come to life.

He was actually seeing the moon rise over Claddagh.

And actually seeing the sun go down on Galway Bay.

Jack was happy.

He was glad he had lived to see this moment in his lifetime.

“Jack, Jack,” a woman’s distant voice called out to him.

The voice seemed to be getting closer, “Jack. Jack.”

Jack felt a shaking on his shoulder.

It was Jackie.

He was in bed.

It had all been a dream.

Yet such a realistic dream.

It was almost as if…

As if…

As if he knew not what…

“Wake up sleepyhead,” it was Jackie again, “we’ve got to catch the plane. You’ve got an important speech to give in Dallas today. Remember?”.

Jack looked at the date on the desktop calendar on the bureau alongside the bed.

Friday November 22.

Dallas awaits.

He heard a banging on the bedroom door.

It was the White House valet’s voice, “Mr. President. Mr. President. Time to get up…”

Jack headed for the bathroom to shower.

He was thankful he had such a beautiful dream this morning.

For he had the feeling it was going to be an eventful day.

Dallas awaited.

-A short story
written by Christopher
Friday November 22nd
2013.

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Haiku About Unlucky Consumer Medusa The Gorgon

November 21, 2013 at 7:28 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , , )

Haiku About Unlucky Consumer Medusa The Gorgon

Medusa Gorgon
must always replace iPhone
when she takes selfie

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Haiku About Donald Trump

November 19, 2013 at 6:40 pm (Poetry) (, , , )

Haiku About Donald Trump

The DONALD Is Trump
make world one vast casino
Earth Mother of slots

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Michelangelo’s Psychic Transmission From Sometime In The Future

November 16, 2013 at 5:49 pm (Commentary, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Psychic Transmission From Sometime In The Future

Renfield R. Renfield was down at the Set Enterprises Lab once again working with Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster.

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was on hand as was Amadeus Emanon who just went along with Renfield for the ride.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was Michelangelo’s proud creator.

Michelangelo had the ability to enter people’s dreams and tell what they were dreaming.

He had also on a couple of occasions managed to pick up on his lobster antennae radio news transmissions from the future.

His antennae which were hooked up to a computer broadcast the radio news stories aloud for Renfield and Amadeus to hear.

Renfield decided to pass the time today by seeing if Michelangelo could pick up another radio news transmission from the future.

“I think something is coming in now,” Dr. Rocher smiled.

Renfield turned up the audio on the computer.

“This just in. Today in a Toronto city council meeting, a Toronto city councillor posed Toronto Mayor Rob Ford the question, “Have you ever killed anyone?” to which Mayor Ford replied, “Yes, I have killed someone.”

The admission sent gasps of astonishment throughout council chambers.

There were further calls for the Mayor to resign.

The Premier of Ontario described the Mayor’s actions as “inappropriate and unacceptable for a public official”.

The Chief of Toronto Police was asked at a press conference if Toronto police would pursue criminal charges against Mayor Ford over his latest admission of wrongdoing.

The Chief replied that it would probably take Toronto police another 20 years to investigate the matter before the possibility of laying criminal charges might come up.

Meanwhile in the Canadian House of Commons, Canadian Liberal Party Leader Justin Trudeau called on the Stephen Harper government to exhume the body of Toronto Police Detective Inspector William Murdoch (the subject of CBC’s popular Murdoch Mysteries TV Show) and bring in a Haitian or New Orleans voodoo witch doctor to re-animate the corpse so “that the good citizens of Toronto will finally have a policeman capable of pursuing criminal charges against this nefarious individual.”

When he sat down, a fellow Liberal MP whispered to Mr. Trudeau that CBC’s Murdoch Mysteries was “in fact a fictional TV series and there was no such real historical personage as Toronto Police Detective William Murdoch.”

Mr. Trudeau immediately leapt to his feet, “Mr. Speaker, due to new information I just received, I retract the request…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 15th
2013.

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Pan Goatee and The Hara Kiri Lesson

November 12, 2013 at 8:34 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and the Hara Kiri Lesson

 

 

 

Pan Goatee and CIA Agent Bob Belfor were ordered by their superiors in Washington to see if they could psychologically coerce one of their Pakistani Taliban prisoners to commit suicide.

 

 

Hara Kiri was the method Bob Belfor suggested after he had spent a night masturbating over Japanese made samurai films.

 

 

Belfor had a thing for men dressed in Japanese armour.

 

 

Pan Goatee in checking the backgrounds of the Taliban  prisoners  noticed that one of the men was a Canadian citizen born and raised in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan.

 

 

He left Saskatchewan at the age of 21 to join the Taliban after he had noticed an employment opportunity ad placed by them in the Regina Leader Post newspaper.

 

 

Pan Goatee placed the man in a cell which had both a large projection screen and also a mat on which was placed a Hara Kiri knife.

 

 

Pan Goatee closed the door and then ordered the projectionist to start running a series of videos that Pan had ordered.

 

 

The videos showed the last few minutes of every football game that the Saskatchewan Roughriders CFL Football Team had lost in their entire history.

 

Pan Goatee deduced that even though the man was Muslim because he was born and raised in the province of Saskatchewan, he would probably have the same fanatical devotion and love for the Saskatchewan Roughriders Football Team (equal in intensity and zeal to that of any fanatical Islamist zealot) as any other person born and raised in the province of Saskatchewan.

 

 

Saskatchewan’s devotion and worship of their CFL Football team was so fanatically intense that every other Canadian in other provinces referred to Saskatchewan by the nickname Rider Nation.

 

 

At first Bob Belfor doubted Pan Goatee’s reasoning.

 

 

But they soon heard wild penetrating screams coming from the man’s cell.

 

 

“Good God!” Belfor exclaimed, “The man must surely be disemboweling himself.”

 

 

 

They ran into the room only to see the man not disemboweling himself but screaming over the fact that Saskatchewan had lost the CFL Western Conference Championship to the Calgary Stampeders in the last few seconds of the game due to the fact Saskatchewan was penalized in a last minute penalty for stupidly having too many men on the field.

 

 

They closed the door.

 

 

They listened.

 

 

There was a strange rattling sound.

 

 

What was that rattling?

 

 

They opened the door.

 

 

It was the sound of the man’s death rattle.

 

He had finally picked up the Hara Kiri knife and disemboweled himself.

 

 

“He was a lot quieter over his disemboweling than he was over the fact that the Roughriders had lost that game,” Belfor stated.

 

 

“Just goes to show I’m right,” Pan Goatee grinned,  “you can take the terrorist out of Saskatchewan but you can’t take Saskatchewan out of the terrorist.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued.

 

 

 

 

-A vampire novel chapter

 written by Christopher

 Tuesday November 12th

  2013

 

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