Renfield’s Monday Night Podcast and Michelangelo’s Vision of Renfield At Future Oscars

March 28, 2022 at 10:56 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Violinist Tina Guo is performing with the Hans Zimmer Live Tour over in Europe
Hans Zimmer won Best Musical Score for the movie Dune at last night’s Oscars

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Monday night podcast.

Said Renfield, “A few days ago senile old fool Joe Biden was in Poland shooting his mouth off about “freedom” and “liberty”.
What does a vaccinazi despot like Joe Biden know about “freedom” and “liberty” when he wanted to impose a national vaccine mandate on all of America?
The senile old fool Joe Biden also called for “Putin to be removed from power”. There’s nothing like tellng the leader of a rival nuclear power that you want him removed from power.
Of course Joe Biden’s handlers want nuclear war with Russia.
That way they can reduce the world’s population without waiting for those vaccine booster shots to kick in.
Although they are doing an excellent job in my own country of England.
British government data shows that 92.2% of all Covid deaths are among the triple vaccinated.
And last week Eastern European members of the European Parliament gave visiting Canadian Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau the raspberry that he so richly deserved.
Romanian and Croatian MEPs mentioned how he sent police horses to trample peaceful protestors and then passed an Emergencies Act so that he could seize the bank accounts of people whose political views he disagreed with.
This is the stuff of dictatorship the Romanian and Croatian MEPs pointed out (who were all too familiar with Communist dictators in their own countries).
Even the Presidents of both El Salvador and Honduras have called Justin Trudeau a despot and a dictator for sending police horses to trample protestors and for seizing bank accounts.
Personally I think Justin Trudeau should be publicly hanged by the neck until dead and his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland should be burnt at the stake as a witch.
Failing that, both of them should be charged with high treason against the Charter of Rights in the Canadian Constitution (that Justin’s stepdad Pierre had put in) and then thrown in jail.
If Justin Castro Trudeau was to have his lily white ass sodomized numerous times while he was in prison,that would be the best thing that could ever happen to him.”

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of a future Oscars ceremony some years down the road.

Renfield had been nominated for the role of Best Actor for playing the role of Prince Hal in a Kenneth Branagh directed production of William Shakespeare’s Henry IV Part 1.

Michelangelo was surprised to see Renfield was married in the vision as he sat at a front table close to the stage with his wife.

A foul mouthed comedian Justin Trudeau was to present the next award for Best Porn Film (a new Oscar category) in Michelangelo’s vision.

Foul mouthed comedian Justin Trudeau was a former Canadian Prime Minister who had been jailed for treason for a number of years.

Despite Justin Trudeau having been such a huge asshole, believe it or not his anus was a lot bigger after it had left prison than it was before coming in.

The foul mouthed alleged comic Justin Trudeau made an obscene insulting remark about Renfield’s wife.

Renfield got up on to the stage and approached the foul mouthed comic.

“Oh, oh,” one of the Academy Awards commentators could be heard saying, “I wonder if Renfield is going to punch Justin Trudeau like Will Smith did to Chris Rock a few years back.”

Renfield reached into his pocket, pulled out a gun and blew Justin Trudeau’s head off.

Justin Trudeau lay dead on the stage in a pool of blood- his perfectly coiffured hair now a tangled mess.

“Oh, oh,” one of the other commentators said, “I wonder what can be done about this situation as Renfield was granted a 007 License To Kill by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II a few years back. Maybe if he wins the Best Actor Award for his portrayal of Prince Hal in Henry IV Part 1, they’ll take the Oscar away from him.”

“Not if they want to live until the next morning, they won’t,” his commentating partner suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 28th
2022.

Permalink 32 Comments

Renfield’s Regency Croquet Match: All Is Fair In Love and War

March 23, 2022 at 10:36 pm (Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, Politics, Television, Vampire novel) ()

After watching an episode of a television series that was set in Regency England, British MP Renfield R. Renfield fell asleep and dreamed that he was a young nobleman in Regency England.

After escorting the Prince Regent through local ale houses and giving advice to Arthur Wellesley the Duke of Wellington on how to defeat Napoleon, Renfield set out for high tea at Lady Vandeermeer’s Estate.

There he met two beautiful charming young ladies with whom he discussed the novels of Jane Austen.

In the middle of his watercress sandwich the valet to Lady Vandermeer delivered Renfield a note from his sometimes rival the Russian Vladimir Painintheassovich.

Vladimir Painintheassovich told Renfield that he was out on the Estate’s grounds with two gentlemen and that they would like to challenge Renfield to a game of croquet that is if Renfield could find two other partners to form a team.

Renfield immediately invited his two charming young Jane Austen Literary Society companions to form a team with him.

Renfield, his two lovely young literary society companions and a corgi who will serve as ball retriever

Renfield and his lovely young companions approached their rivals.

The Russian Vladimir Painintheassovich stood directly across from Renfield.

On Vladimir’s right was the Emperor Napoleon and on his left Ares the Greek god of war.

Lady Vandermeer’s valet brought some Ukrainian perogies with sour cream for Renfield and his companions to munch on before the match began.

Vladimir, Napoleon and Ares ate blood sausages and salt water tears wept by a young widow and her children.

When the match started, Renfield hit a ball that went flying into the right temple of the Emperor Napoleon and sent the Little Corporal unconscious alongside the Estate pond.

“Napoleon appears to have met his Waterloo,” Renfield remarked.

Ares sent his ball flying at the little corgi knocking him out cold.

“Thou black hearted snerd,” said Renfield’s lovely teammate who was wearing the green velvet dress with hints of gold decorating.

Ares’ nose was broken by the ball fired by the beauty in the green dress.

The god of war was carried off the croquet field.

Vladimir Painintheassovich called out to the beauty wearing the peach pink dress with hints of gold decorating.

“Hey babe, how would you like to see me ride a horse shirtless?” He said.

“I think all horses are shirtless aren’t they?” Answered the beauty in the peach pink dress, “I’ve never seen a horse wear a shirt.”

She fired a croquet ball at the Russian’s balls knocking him off his high horse which he had just crawled up on.

Renfield then finished the Russian off with a croquet ball fired to the forehead.

The MP then woke up.

“Ah, if only life were like a Regency England croquet match,” he ordered himself a cup of tea.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 23rd
2022.

Permalink 6 Comments

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day From A Green Dress Marilyn

March 17, 2022 at 10:24 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Television, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day from a green dress wearing Marilyn Monroe

A holographic image of a green dress wearing Marilyn Monroe appeared to British Prime Minister Boris Johnson wishing him a “Happy Saint Patrick’s Day”.

“Why, thank you very much,” Johnson smiled.

“I understand the President of France, the Chancellor of Germany and the Prime Minister of Italy got green sprayed Irish stink bombs this Saint Patrick’s Day,” Mrs. Johnson noted.

“I wonder why they got that while I got a holographic image of Marilyn Monroe wearing a sexy green dress,” Johnson scratched the uncombed and unkempt top of his head.

“I think it was because France’s Emmanuel Macron, Germany’s Olaf Scholz and Italy’s Mario Draghi didn’t remove vaccine passports while you did,” Mrs. Johnson answered.

“Are you suggesting British MP Renfield R. Renfield was behind those stink bomb attacks?” Johnson drank a pint of Guinness.

“I am,” Mrs. Johnson had a shot of Jameson.

Meanwhile in Ottawa, Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau had 666 tons of smelly green fertilizer (produced by patriotic Irish cows who only shit green) dumped on the front lawn of his house.

In Washington D.C., a package of green dye exploded inside of Joe Biden’s pair of Depends when Biden’s bowels exploded again.

In Dublin, Ireland, a group of serpents hiding behind a rainbow coloured flag had taken over the Irish government.

And hissed, “Good-bye land of Saint Patrick.”

Meanwhile British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Thursday night podcast.

Renfield began his podcast with a question, “What kind of Communist is Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Oleksandrovich Zelenskiy?”.

The MP, in answer to his own question, replied, “Obviously a fruity one. Since he once did a music video showing him wearing high-heeled shoes and tight clinging black leather pants engaging in homo-erotic activities with other men that would make even Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie wince.”

Renfield went on, “The fruity Communist Zelenskiy (puppet of Trotskyite billionaire George Soros) in a virtual TV address to the current gang of idiots who make up the U.S. Congress described Joe Biden as “the leader of the free world”. Now, what sort of leader in their right mind would describe the Depends wearing senile old fool Joe Biden as the “leader of the free world”? The answer is no leader in their right mind would.”

Renfield continued, “This is the same Volodymyr Zelenskiy who said he was inspired to enter politics by Canada’s asinine Neo-Bolshevik Communist leader the wimpy soy-boy looking pansy Justin Trudeau (who must have come as the most ironic example of karmic justice for an extremely macho Caribbean tinpot dictator to have sired). That’s all that needs to be said for Zelenskiy. This New World Order trained seal in flippers with tight zippers obviously doesn’t quite cut the mustard or anything else for that matter.”

The ghost of Rod Serling then asked the question, “What type of Communist is Volodymyr Oleksandrovich Zelenskiy? A hidden one masquerading as a celebrity comedian. In other words, a cunning and even more dangerous Communist.”

The host of the TV shows Night Gallery and The Twilight Zone went on, “The good people of Ukraine have been had by a 10c a dance comedian who should have been booed off the stage the first time he appeared as President. Sadly this is not the first time that brutal Communism has hid its hammer from an unsuspecting public.”

Concluded Serling, “Now we’ve got a 21st Century Trotsky in Ukraine fighting a 21st Century Czar from Russia. And a Vicar of Pachamama now wants to consecrate both Russia and Ukraine to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. At one time back in the late 1950s and early 1960s, such things would have been considered part of the Twilight Zone. Today they’re the world of CNN News.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 17th
2022.

Permalink 2 Comments

The Woman At The Time Tunnel Entrance

February 4, 2022 at 11:33 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Radio, Technology, Television, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The woman at the entrance to a 1947 built Time Tunnel

After doing some research on the topic, Prof. William Charles a professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford discovered that the U.S. government had built a time tunnel (like the famous 1960s television series Time Tunnel in which a tunnel was used to travel backwards and forwards in time) in 1947.

The time tunnel was built using a prototype plan drawn up by the famous Serbian-American scientist Nikola Tesla.

The time tunnel blew up under mysterious circumstances that same year.

Charles wondered what caused the explosion.

Meanwhile Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had used the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr magic film projector to go back in time to the town of Mesquite Nevada in 1947.

Mesquite Nevada was where the time tunnel was located.

It was to be found under an old blacksmith’s shop building that dated back to the 1880s.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster in one of his visions had discovered that there was a radio screenplay writer from the 1940s who had found the time tunnel and used it to travel forward in time to the mid-2020s.

He then used his connection with the time tunnel to travel back in time throughout various decades to write predictive programming episodes for The Simpsons sitcom American TV cartoon show.

Since he knew the future (having come from there), he wrote about future events on The Simpsons such as Donald Trump becoming President and a truck convoy frightening Canada’s brainless Prime Minister Justin Trudeau out of his Ottawa office.

Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost supported the Canadian truckers’ efforts to end vaccine mandates being enforced by the various Neo-Bolshevik Communist and Neo-Fascist levels of government throughout Canada.

Most of Canada’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist and Neo-Fascist leaders were in favour of World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab’s plans for the Great Reset (which was just another name for a totalitarian One World government).

Klaus Schwab had a lifelong fascination with Hitler and his German National Socialist Workers’ form of government and admired it.

Even though Klaus Schwab’s own mother was Jewish.

Her name was Marianne Rothschild (yes- of those Rothschilds).

Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost were acting to prevent Justin Trudeau from declaring martial law in Canada.

And Michelangelo’s own sense was that the radio screenplay writer from the 1940s who wrote predictive programming episodes for The Simpsons TV Show was sympathetic towards Klaus Schwab’s Great Reset and Pope Francis’ proposed Human Fraternity Mystery Babylon Harlot Church.

Thus hoping to prevent the man’s future time travels, Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost were going to blow up the 1947 time tunnel.

When they entered the old Mesquite Nevada blacksmith’s shop and went down to the cellar where the time tunnel was, they discovered this woman:

The guardian of the time tunnel

Van Helsing picked up the woman while Welles’ ghost put down the ticking time bomb set to go off in another 5 minutes.

They returned to the present day.

Van Helsing then made out with the woman while Welles’ ghost made for a reluctant voyeur.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 4th
2022.

Permalink 6 Comments

Obnoxious Idiot Jimmy Kimmel Torn Apart By Black Jaguar While CDC Acts Like Orwellian Animal Farm Pigs

September 9, 2021 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing another podcast.

Renfield was sitting at his desk reading his script in front of him.

Behind Renfield on the left hand side of a viewer’s screen was a statue of Confederate General Robert E. Lee riding his horse.

The statue of Lee and his horse stood atop a group of small Antifa rioter figurines who were crushed beneath the feet of Lee’s horse.

On the right hand side of the viewer’s screen was an oil painting of Sir Winston Churchill the great British wartime anti-Nazi leader who had recently been condemned and cancelled by Britain’s politically correct “woke” crowd who were anxious to show the world they were every bit as stupid and unbelievably low IQ types as America’s politically correct “woke” crowd.

In the middle of the screen directly behind Renfield’s back was what looked like an illustration that might have appeared on the cover of old 1970s Warren Publishing Company Horror Magazines of the types Vampirella, Creepy, Eerie or Famous Monsters of Filmland.

The illustration showed a voodoo witch doctor wearing a mask that looked much like Dr. Anthony Fauci giving what appeared to be a vaccine/serum injection to the brainless body of a zombie that seemed to be waking up and was now “woke”.

Renfield read his first news item,

“On September 1st 2021, the United States Center For Disease Control (CDC) updated its website’s definition of the word “vaccination” replacing the word “immunity” with the word “protection”.

Prior to September 1st 2021, the original definition of “vaccination” on the CDC’s website read,

VACCINATION: The act of introducing a vaccine into the body to produce immunity to a specific disease.

The definition of “vaccination” on the CDC’s website now reads,

VACCINATION: The act of introducing a vaccine into the body to produce protection from a specific disease.

So we’ve gone from “immunity” to “protection” in the newest CDC definition of “vaccination”.

The CDC are like the ruling pigs in George Orwell’s novella Animal Farm who changed the signs on the farm overnight to read something new.

Originally the sign read ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL.

But then the sign was changed to ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS in order to explain the pigs becoming an elite like Farmer Jones had been.

Why is the CDC changing the defintion?

Because it’s admitting that the vaccine (which is actually a genetic modifier serum not a true vaccine) does not provide immunity to Covid-19 and its numerous variants.

Now it’s trying to say it provides protection.

It probably provides about the same degree of protection as that baffling “ear condum” the demonically possessed Lady Gaga mentions in her love song to Judas proclaiming Judas as the demon she clings to.

After all, Israel’s latest report on the Pfizer vaccine now shows it to be only 39% effective against the various variants of Covid-19.

Speaking of Orwellian attacks on language, the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary (called the Ministry of Truth in some circles) has redefined the word “Anti-Vaxxer” to include those who do not support forced vaccination.

On a side note, Dr. Anthony Fauci says that only half of CDC employees are vaccinated.

The CDC currently does not require any of its own staff to receive the Covid-19 vaccination.

And in another example of what might have been considered satire at one time but is actually happening, the National Archives Records Administration branch of the U.S. government is now placing a “harmful content” warning label on copies of the U.S. Constitution.

The National Archives Records Administration labeled the governing document of the United States of America as “harmful and difficult to view”.

The warning now applies to many documents across the Archives’ catalog website including the Bill of Rights and the Declaration of Independence.

Says NARA, “Some of the materials presented here may reflect outdated, biased, offensive and possibly violent views and opinions.”

I’m sure George III of England, Stalin, Hitler and Mao Tse-tung would positively agree.

And it would appear that Communists have now taken over most branches of the U.S. government.

How did that happen?

And how did the world not notice?

One would think we were sidelined by a global pandemic or plandemic or scamdemic or something.”

Renfield went on to his next news item.

Said Renfield,

“The Winston Churchill Memorial Trust in London has removed pictures of the wartime leader from its website and is going to be changing its name in the very near future.

This is an example of British “wokeness” at its worst.

I’m now going to drink a brandy and toast Winston Churchill. And to Hell with the woke crowd.”

Renfield drinks a brandy and moves on to his next news item.

Said Renfield,

“Late night TV talk show host and constantly grinning idiot Jimmy Kimmel, a man best described as Adolf Eichmann with a smile, says that unvaccinated people should not be treated in hospitals.”

At that moment, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of Simone Simon (as her character of Irena Dubrovna in the 1942 Jacques Tourneur directed horror film The Cat People) suddenly turn into a black jaguar and leap off the TV screen from a Late Night Cinema movie and jump into a TV screen where Jimmy Kimmel was blathering away his Vaccinazi-Coviet Pact nonsense.

She leapt on the obnoxious talk show host and tore him to bits with her claws and fangs.

The show’s announcer announced, “Time for a commercial break. And Jimmy won’t be back after this message.”

Simone Simon ends Jimmy Kimmel’s career.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 9th
2021.

Permalink 4 Comments

Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane Meet The Brides of Dracula

March 13, 2021 at 10:53 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Gothic romance, Humour, Television, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had been binge watching episodes of the old TV series Frasier.

He then binge watched a Dracula movie marathon.

When that was over, he set his water proof alarm clock moving the time an hour ahead as tomorrow would be the start of Daylight Savings Time.

He then lay back on his water proof pillow and fell asleep.

He had a dream whereby Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane met the Brides of Dracula.

Niles: This is all your fault, Frasier. I don’t really relish the idea of walking around a spooky Transylvanian castle. It doesn’t really cut the mustard in my opinion. Hot doggetty!

Frasier: Niles, I wish you’d stop using those weird euphemisms uttered by that pot smoking hot dog salesman doing those late night infomercials advertising American cuisine recipes you can do in hot tubs. And why is it my fault? You were the one who insisted on giving two rather large glasses of sherry to my BMW’s GPS before we set out on this road trip.

Niles: Yes, well if you had stopped to ask for directions from that transgendered transvestite in the baked potato costume in Boisie, Idaho, we might not be in this mess.

Frasier: No, we might be in a bigger mess.

Niles: What could possibly be a bigger mess than a spooky Transylvanian castle?

Frasier: How about social distancing from a perfect 10 fashion model during a pandemic?

Niles: Frasier, I refuse to believe you dated a perfect 10 fashion model.

Frasier: So does everybody else.

Niles (pointing to a door): Where do you suppose this leads?

Frasier: Oh, I don’t know, Niles. Why don’t you open it and see how many other headwaiters with Hungarian accents lying in coffins we can come across? I haven’t donated so much blood since that multiple radio station personality blood donor challenge in Seattle way back in the day.

Niles (opening door and looking in): It’s the Brides of Dracula.

Frasier (looking in): My God, you’re right, Niles.

Niles: Frasier, I haven’t had so many erotic images and fantasies going through my mind since I first read that scene with the brides of Dracula in Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula as a sophomore back in prep school.

Frasier: That wouldn’t have been the night before the headmaster ordered that major steamcleaning of your mattress?

Niles: Frasier, I wish you hadn’t brought that up.

Frasier: Your mattress probably wished the same thing at the time as well.

Brides of Dracula (calling out): Niles, Frasier!

Niles (rushing in): I regret that I have but one life to give for my fantasy.

Frasier: Niles, quit being such a ham!

(Frasier rushes in)

Frasier: Be a blood sausage like me.

Voice of Count Dracula (singing in the background): I don’t know what to do with that tossed salad and scrambled eggs. They’re calling again.

Voice of Announcer: Good night, Transylvania.

The End.

-A Frasier Meets Brides of Dracula Episode
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 13th
2021.

Permalink 34 Comments

Renfield Reads Dr. Seuss Books To Children, Comments On Pope Francis and Reflects On Meghan and Prince Harry Interview

March 10, 2021 at 11:56 pm (books, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield spent the morning reading live on-air to British schoolchildren the 6 books by Dr. Seuss that would no longer be published by Dr. Seuss Enterprises because they were deemed highly offensive, extremely insensitive and politically incorrect by America’s easily offended, psychotically oversensitive and politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

After the live-on air reading, Renfield left the studio where he was greeted by a highly irate member of Britain’s own politically correct cancel culture of woke zombies.

“How dare you,” the man foamed at the mouth, “read, as a member of Britain’s House of Commons and therefore a public servant, books that have been deemed cancelled by us the cancel culture?”.

The man regained consciousness several hours later after his face had come into sudden and immediate very close contact with Renfield’s fist.

Renfield went to his parliamentary office where his secretary told him that the U.S. Ambassador to London was once again phoning to complain about the number of times Renfield had referred to U.S. President Joe Biden as an “idiot” and a “senile old fool” the past week.

Renfield had also received a phone call from U.S. actor Tom Hanks’ agent.

In a recent interview, Renfield was asked about Tom Hanks being recently granted Greek citizenship, and the MP replied, quoting a San Francisco blogger he read, “Didn’t Greece recently legalize pedophilia?”.

Renfield went into his inner office where he had a Skype conversation with his good friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

“Did you hear,” Amadeus asked, “that Pope Francis was complaining to reporters on the plane ride back from Iraq (reporters all of whom had received the DeathVaxx vaccine in order to be allowed on the plane) that some people call him “an idiot and a heretic”? Did you hear his complaining about that?”.

“I did,’ Renfield lit a cigar.

“Haven’t you on numerous occasions called Pope Francis an idiot and a heretic?” Amadeus inquired.

“I have,” Renfield nodded.

“Some people are now saying that Pope Francis has initiated the official start of the Mystery Babylon religion that was prophesied in Chapter 17 of the Apocalypse of Saint John,” Amadeus pointed out.

“Well Pope Francis did hold an interfaith service at the site of the temple of Inanna the ancient Sumerian goddess of prostitution (whose Babylonian, Assyrian and Akkadian equivalent was Ishtar) the goddess who’s considered the Mother of Harlots so his use of symbols and symbology used throughout this trip was extremely interesting to say the least,” Renfield sipped a small glass of brandy.

“Did you get a chance to watch the Meghan Markle and Prince Harry interview with Oprah?” Amadeus asked.

“I did,” said Renfield, “I was talking to a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with clinical depression and has felt suicidal a few times in his life and he’s very disturbed with the way Meghan was not offered help by the Royal Family when she herself was feeling suicidally depressed while pregnant with Archie and was further told she should not seek out help because members of the Firm aren’t supposed to do so.
They’re supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and all that.”

“Didn’t Prince Andrew keep a stiff something else with a few underage female proteges of Jeffrey Epstein?” Amadeus inquired.

“He did,” Renfield nodded, “And then during the interview it appears there’s at least one member of the Royal Family who’s racist and expressed concern about what skin tone colour baby Archie was going to have. Oprah said that Prince Harry made it clear that it wasn’t his grandmother the Queen or his grandfather Prince Philip. But another member of the Royal Family.”

“Any idea who that member of the Royal Family might be?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“Well, I have a few suspects in mind but nothing definite,” Renfield answered.

“I wonder if we’ll ever know,” Amadeus pondered.

“Well, if Harvey Tallbanger ever finds out and I’m told he’s currently investigating the matter,” Renfield finished his brandy, “and we hear about a member of the British Royal Family getting a cream pie in the face in public thrown at them by an invisible entity over the next few weeks, we can safely guess that was probably the one who had their knickers in a knot over what little Archie’s skin tone colour might be.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 10th
2021.

Permalink 30 Comments

Alberta Premier Jason Kenney Is A Fat Slob Neo-Fascist Apostle of The Antichrist

December 8, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Poetry, Sorcery, Television, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading a recent Facebook status posted by a friend of his a geopolitical analyst who lived in Calgary.

The Facebook status read:

“The Alberta Provincial Government of Premier Jason Kenney have shown themselves to be Apostles of The Antichrist by announcing Neo-Bolshevik Covid Communist restrictions on the province.

They have further established themselves as Apostles of The Antichrist by calling this stupid press conference at 4 PM local time thus pre-empting my favourite soap opera The Young and The Restless which starts in this time slot.

At least fat slob Neo-Fascist Apostle of The Antichrist Jason Kenney could have waited until 5 PM (to pre-empt the Channel 7 Global News Calgary Disinformation Branch of the Orwellian Covid-1984 New World Order Ministry of Propaganda local news) to make his bloody announcement.

Fat slob Neo-Fascist Apostle of the Antichrist Jason Kenney shall roast in the flames of Hell for all Eternity for this.”

After reading this, Renfield was reminded of a historical incident often mentioned by the geopolitical analyst’s best friend in University a History major who went on to become a professional researcher and archivist.

According to the researcher-archivist, when the Lester B. Pearson Canadian Federal Liberal government brought in the Canada Federal Medical Care Act in 1966 which would establish a federal Public Health Care system, Alberta’s Provincial Social Credit Premier Ernest C. Manning was opposed to it because Alberta already had its own provincial Health Care system MSI (which stood for Medical Services Inc.).

Manning figured that the proposed new Canadian Medicare would not be as good as the provincial MSI.

In this, Manning was probably correct as the Lester Bowles Pearson Federal Liberals had already shown bad judgement by getting the Quebec Communist Pierre Elliot Trudeau to run for Federal Liberal MP in a Montreal riding and then naming him to the Federal Cabinet when the bum was actually elected.

Manning showed bad judgement however when he publicly broadcast on TV his opposition to the Canada Medicare Act by pre-empting an episode of the popular TV show The Munsters which was shown on the CTV Network’s broadcast outlet stations in Alberta.

The Munsters was an extremely popular television show back in the 1960s relating the misadventures and mishaps of the much beloved central character Herman Munster (played by actor Fred Gwynne).

Manning’s inherent bungling and bad judgement in pre-empting an episode of The Munsters would cost Manning’s Provincial Social Credit Party dearly in the next Alberta Provincial election in 1967.

Social Credit had always enjoyed a large majority in the Alberta Provincial Legislative Assembly ever since it first won election in 1935.

Opposition parties usually only held about 4 or 5 seats at the most.

However thanks to Manning’s bungling and incompetence in the Munstergate Affair, Social Credit went from holding 65 seats in the Alberta Legislature to holding only 55 seats in the 1967 Alberta Provincial election.

Social Credit now faced a massive 10 man Opposition, 6 seats went to the Alberta Progressive Conservative Party under its new leader Edgar Peter Lougheed, 3 seats went to the Alberta Liberal Party and 1 seat was won by an Independent.

Renfield figured that with pre-empting The Young and The Restless episode at 4 PM instead of the Channel 7 Global News Calgary Marxist Bullshit Propaganda Masquerading As News program at 5 PM, fat slob Neo-Fascist Apostle of the Antichrist Jason Kenney had sealed his electoral doom in the next Alberta Provincial election.

. . .

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women) was walking to a nearby grocery store to buy eggs to make himself an omelette.

Suddenly he heard hurried footsteps.

The footsteps were coming from across the street as a thin ugly looking stoat (Pan Goatee divided ugly looking women into 3 categories- thin ugly stoats, medium sized ugly gargoyles and fat ugly blimps) was rushing to see if she could get ahead of him.

She rushed on the other side of parked cars on the street to get on to the sidewalk.

Goatee raced ahead as he wasn’t about to let someone as repulsively ugly as she was get ahead of him.

The ugly looking creature swore at Goatee under her breath (which was as foul as the sulphurous fumes of Hell) that Goatee with his excellent hearing picked up.

“Mumbling swear words is a sign of insanity,” Goatee commented with the eloquence of a Laurence Olivier delivering a Shakespearian theatrical performance as he beheaded the repulsively ugly looking thing with his astral laser machete.

He then cut the ugly looking creature up into 999 trillion pieces.

Nanites came and ate the pieces of the late unlamented uglo and then barfed all over one another.

The half-demon/half-goat hybrid Krampus then gathered up the uglo regurgitating nanites and put them in his sack and took them down to Hell.

. . .

Meanwhile on the Thames River in London, demons loyal to Apophis the Egyptian serpent god of Chaos were on board a ghostly spectral double of the Russian gunship Aurora (whose shots fired on the Winter Palace in Saint Petersburg signalled the start of the 1917 Russian Bolshevik Revolution).

The Russian gunship Aurora 2.0 had its great searchlights beamed on to Buckingham Palace.

The ghost of American singer Johnny Cash (recently granted a dispensational release from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone) protested the Aurora 2.0 having Buckingham Palace within its sites.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 8th
2020.

Permalink 2 Comments

Renfield, Huawei, Game of Thrones and Mei-ling Manchu

May 16, 2019 at 8:53 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sipping on a whiskey and soda and recalling how last night’s British Transhumanist/Aquarian Age Bonapartist Alliance rally held on an English beach was hugely successful.

Renfield had given a highly acclaimed speech on how the European Union seemed to be resembling the old USSR with each passing day.

His French political ally the Kraken Napoleon VI (having drunk 120 barrels of rum on his voyage across the English Channel) had given an impassioned speech on how, in his opinion, Captain Jack Sparrow of the Pirates of The Caribbean films was a real and actual historical figure.

The speech was met with vigourous applause prior to the Kraken passing out and having to be carried off by stretcher and air ambulance to the detox unit of a London hospital.

Tabasco sauce sellers, tomato juice sellers and merchants of raw eggs were reporting a huge increase in sales all across London today.

Renfield was soon joined in the bar by his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Amadeus helped himself to some of the complimentary peanuts in the dish in front of Renfield.

“So I hear that yesterday Donald Trump signed an Executive Order declaring a national emergency with regards to America’s computer networks,” Amadeus noted.

“Yes, it is a move designed to keep China’s tech giant Huawei out of providing software for America’s computer and AI and 5G systems,” Renfield commented.

“I don’t imagine Beijing will be happy about that,” Angelique Dumont remarked.

“They’re not,” Renfield answered, “The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu has already flown that mysterious entity known as the Black Dragon into Washington DC and has already swooped down on the U.S. capital.”

“Did it do any damage?” Amadeus asked as he motioned to the bartender to bring another dish of complimentary peanuts.

“It landed on top of a group of Republican supporters and fans of the Game of Thrones TV show who were holding placards outside the White House calling on Donald Trump to declare a national emergency and sign an Executive Order ordering HBO to hire new writers and re-do the whole 8th and last season of Game of Thrones all over again since they didn’t like how the series ended.”

“I wonder what those Game of Thrones fans who are registered Democrats were doing at the time?” Angelique Dumont mused aloud.

“They were demonstrating outside Congress calling on Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer to call a Congressional inquiry into whether or not there was Russian collusion into HBO laying a very early pre-Thanksgiving turkey otherwise known as the final season of Game of Thrones,” Renfield pointed out.

“Did anything happen to the Democrat fans of Game of Thrones seeing as how a Black Dragon landed on top of Republican Game of Thrones fans?” Amadeus inquired.

“They were crushed by a flying marijuana plant that landed on top of them,” Renfield answered, “The plant was developed by Canada’s National Research Council in Ottawa on orders of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The plant was supposed to be flying to Paris where Trudeau is currently attending a world leaders’ summit on technology but being quite high, the marijuana plant lost all sense of direction and ended up in Washington DC instead.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 16th
2019.

Permalink 12 Comments

Renfield’s Political Incorrectness and Nomination For A Guest Host For TCM

April 10, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy interviews Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was asking British MP Renfield R. Renfield his opinion of the crowded race for the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential nomination.

“Mr. Renfield,” Geeta asked, “what do you think of Pete Buttigieg the first openly gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana becoming the first openly gay mayor to have a shot at winning the U.S. Presidency?”.

“Well,” Renfield replied, “I find it singularly appropriate that an openly gay mayor would have the words “butt” and “gig” as syllables in his last name. And I also find it singularly appropriate that the first openly gay mayor to run for President would be Mayor of a place called South Bend which of course describes the anatomical position either he or his partner would be in when they got up to or rather down to doing what comes naturally for them.”

As Geeta Guru-Murthy doubled over and tried desperately to save her job by not breaking into huge gales of laughter at Renfield’s highly politically incorrect and extremely sociologically insensitive and yet factually accurate statement, Amadeus Emanon turned off the TV and buried his head in his hands.

“It looks like Renfield’s parliamentary office is going to have to be issuing yet another statement and apology to members of the LGBTQ community,” Amadeus stated.

“You mean the group that Renfield refers to as the Alphabet Soup Perverts?” Angelique Dumont asked.

“We better try to keep the lid on that before the European Union’s Big Non-Binary Sibling of 1984 + 35 (aka 2019) goes after him,” Amadeus answered.

Meanwhile across the Atlantic pond over in the U.S.A., Donald Trump stated his opinion of the country’s founding father, “If George Washington had been smart, he’d have named Mount Vernon after himself.”

As Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of the Washington Obelisk falling on top of Donald Trump at a future date, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was busy watching his satellite TV which was picking up a current TCM (Turner Classic Movie) channel transmission from America.

TCM had recently asked notable figures from around the world to nominate a guest host who might someday fill in as a permanent replacement for TCM’s beloved host Robert Osborne who had died 2 years ago.

Tonight the man Renfield had suggested as a possible replacement for Robert Osborne was serving as the guest host.

A heavy metal headbanger looking man stood in front of the camera.

Heavy Metal Headbanger Looking Man: Hi, I’m Ozzy Osbourne. Guest host and potential permanent replacement for Robert Osborne. Tonight from 1948, we have a movie I’ve never heard of before- Hamlet. Starring an actor I’ve never heard of before- Laurence Olivier. Whose script was written by an author I’ve never heard of before- William Shakespeare.

As the heavy metal singer continued, the first thing that popped into Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s mind was, “An Osbourne is not an Osborne by any other name.”

Meanwhile Renfield left the BBC News Studios as pink leotards were being thrown at him by an angry group of protesters.

He got into the waiting Set Enterprises limousine and got on his smart phone where he ordered a Halloween costume as he had just found out that October 31st was the date the EU had extended Brexit to.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 10th
2019.

Permalink 29 Comments

Next page »