Renfield, Huawei, Game of Thrones and Mei-ling Manchu

May 16, 2019 at 8:53 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sipping on a whiskey and soda and recalling how last night’s British Transhumanist/Aquarian Age Bonapartist Alliance rally held on an English beach was hugely successful.

Renfield had given a highly acclaimed speech on how the European Union seemed to be resembling the old USSR with each passing day.

His French political ally the Kraken Napoleon VI (having drunk 120 barrels of rum on his voyage across the English Channel) had given an impassioned speech on how, in his opinion, Captain Jack Sparrow of the Pirates of The Caribbean films was a real and actual historical figure.

The speech was met with vigourous applause prior to the Kraken passing out and having to be carried off by stretcher and air ambulance to the detox unit of a London hospital.

Tabasco sauce sellers, tomato juice sellers and merchants of raw eggs were reporting a huge increase in sales all across London today.

Renfield was soon joined in the bar by his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Amadeus helped himself to some of the complimentary peanuts in the dish in front of Renfield.

“So I hear that yesterday Donald Trump signed an Executive Order declaring a national emergency with regards to America’s computer networks,” Amadeus noted.

“Yes, it is a move designed to keep China’s tech giant Huawei out of providing software for America’s computer and AI and 5G systems,” Renfield commented.

“I don’t imagine Beijing will be happy about that,” Angelique Dumont remarked.

“They’re not,” Renfield answered, “The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu has already flown that mysterious entity known as the Black Dragon into Washington DC and has already swooped down on the U.S. capital.”

“Did it do any damage?” Amadeus asked as he motioned to the bartender to bring another dish of complimentary peanuts.

“It landed on top of a group of Republican supporters and fans of the Game of Thrones TV show who were holding placards outside the White House calling on Donald Trump to declare a national emergency and sign an Executive Order ordering HBO to hire new writers and re-do the whole 8th and last season of Game of Thrones all over again since they didn’t like how the series ended.”

“I wonder what those Game of Thrones fans who are registered Democrats were doing at the time?” Angelique Dumont mused aloud.

“They were demonstrating outside Congress calling on Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer to call a Congressional inquiry into whether or not there was Russian collusion into HBO laying a very early pre-Thanksgiving turkey otherwise known as the final season of Game of Thrones,” Renfield pointed out.

“Did anything happen to the Democrat fans of Game of Thrones seeing as how a Black Dragon landed on top of Republican Game of Thrones fans?” Amadeus inquired.

“They were crushed by a flying marijuana plant that landed on top of them,” Renfield answered, “The plant was developed by Canada’s National Research Council in Ottawa on orders of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The plant was supposed to be flying to Paris where Trudeau is currently attending a world leaders’ summit on technology but being quite high, the marijuana plant lost all sense of direction and ended up in Washington DC instead.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 16th
2019.

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Renfield’s Political Incorrectness and Nomination For A Guest Host For TCM

April 10, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )


BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy interviews Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was asking British MP Renfield R. Renfield his opinion of the crowded race for the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential nomination.

“Mr. Renfield,” Geeta asked, “what do you think of Pete Buttigieg the first openly gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana becoming the first openly gay mayor to have a shot at winning the U.S. Presidency?”.

“Well,” Renfield replied, “I find it singularly appropriate that an openly gay mayor would have the words “butt” and “gig” as syllables in his last name. And I also find it singularly appropriate that the first openly gay mayor to run for President would be Mayor of a place called South Bend which of course describes the anatomical position either he or his partner would be in when they got up to or rather down to doing what comes naturally for them.”

As Geeta Guru-Murthy doubled over and tried desperately to save her job by not breaking into huge gales of laughter at Renfield’s highly politically incorrect and extremely sociologically insensitive and yet factually accurate statement, Amadeus Emanon turned off the TV and buried his head in his hands.

“It looks like Renfield’s parliamentary office is going to have to be issuing yet another statement and apology to members of the LGBTQ community,” Amadeus stated.

“You mean the group that Renfield refers to as the Alphabet Soup Perverts?” Angelique Dumont asked.

“We better try to keep the lid on that before the European Union’s Big Non-Binary Sibling of 1984 + 35 (aka 2019) goes after him,” Amadeus answered.

Meanwhile across the Atlantic pond over in the U.S.A., Donald Trump stated his opinion of the country’s founding father, “If George Washington had been smart, he’d have named Mount Vernon after himself.”

As Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of the Washington Obelisk falling on top of Donald Trump at a future date, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was busy watching his satellite TV which was picking up a current TCM (Turner Classic Movie) channel transmission from America.

TCM had recently asked notable figures from around the world to nominate a guest host who might someday fill in as a permanent replacement for TCM’s beloved host Robert Osborne who had died 2 years ago.

Tonight the man Renfield had suggested as a possible replacement for Robert Osborne was serving as the guest host.

A heavy metal headbanger looking man stood in front of the camera.

Heavy Metal Headbanger Looking Man: Hi, I’m Ozzy Osbourne. Guest host and potential permanent replacement for Robert Osborne. Tonight from 1948, we have a movie I’ve never heard of before- Hamlet. Starring an actor I’ve never heard of before- Laurence Olivier. Whose script was written by an author I’ve never heard of before- William Shakespeare.

As the heavy metal singer continued, the first thing that popped into Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s mind was, “An Osbourne is not an Osborne by any other name.”

Meanwhile Renfield left the BBC News Studios as pink leotards were being thrown at him by an angry group of protesters.

He got into the waiting Set Enterprises limousine and got on his smart phone where he ordered a Halloween costume as he had just found out that October 31st was the date the EU had extended Brexit to.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 10th
2019.

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The Raven Rapper Sings A Rap Song

March 10, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, Music, News, Poetry, Politics, Television, Vampire novel, Video) (, , , , , , , )

Simon Cowell (a judge on the TV shows America’s Got Talent and Britain’s Got Talent) was having a dream whereby he was appearing as a guest judge on the Canadian TV talent show Canada’s Got Cannabis.

The premise of the program was the judges judged the talent after they had smoked a whole bunch of pot.

Simon’s fellow judges for the show were Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and the ET gray Gali-Gula (an ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula).

The cactus plant juggling penguin who was covered in bandaids made Justin think sadly of his own marijuana smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever who was being held prisoner at a Chinese Communist re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of eastern China.

As the penguin was being carried off stage on a stretcher to a waiting ambulance, Justin Trudeau received a text message on his Huawei smart phone that hundreds of thousands of jobs were being lost in the Canadian province of Alberta.

“Who cares?” Justin yawned and shrugged and helped himself to some more cannabis cookies.

Justin had fond memories from his childhood of his father Pierre Elliott giving Albertans the raised middle finger from the window of a train as they rode through Banff National Park.

The next act was a giant gorilla who would be climbing up Toronto’s CN Tower to rescue a screaming Kim Kardashian who was at the top.

He would be doing this as he was buzzed by drones resembling World War I biplanes and triplanes.

As the body of the late Kong was loaded into a hearse big enough to fit him, Justin received a text message on his Huawei that thousands of jobs might be lost in the Canadian province of Quebec.

“Oh shit, I gotta go,” Justin cried and ran out the auditorium, “Maybe I can pressure Jody Wilson-Raybould to do something. Oh shit, she’s resigned from the cabinet.”

The next act appeared on stage as the remaining Simon Cowell and Gali-Gula smoked their tokes.

“And so, what’s your story?” Simon asked the next act as he hummed the tune to the song I Dreamed A Dream from the musical Les Miserables.

“Well,” a giant raven appeared on stage, “I’m a raven and I’m immortal and I’m the same raven who once sat on a bust of Pallas Athena in Edgar Allan Poe’s lodgings over a century and a half ago.”

“How positively dreary,” Cowell remarked as the show approached the midnight hour.

The raven broke into his rap song,

“Oh yes, it’s true that I’m a raven
you might think I’m rather craven
sitting atop Athena’s head
as if it were my own bed
even if I shout “Nevermore”
as I come rapping at your door
while you sing praises of lost Lenore
stop nodding your head weak and weary
stop crying with your eyes so bleary
don’t you know Lenore’s gone for good
That’s the saying in the hood
take your punishment like a man
and stop throwing kleenex in the can
Think of it as bleak December
stop trying to remember
let your mind be like a dying ember
cast out your thoughts of lost Lenore
while I find my way to the door
my parting words, Nevermore.

-A vampire novel chapter
and rap song
written by Christopher
Sunday March 10th
2019.


The Raven’s advice: Time to give up thoughts of Lenore

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Reblog of Edgar Allan Poe: Swinging Like A Pendulum Do

August 26, 2018 at 8:27 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, History, Horror, Literature, Movies, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Short stories, Short Story, Television, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a short story I wrote almost 2 years ago.

It’s a short story featuring the late great TCM Turner Classic Movies host Robert Osborne:

Dracul Van Helsing

Edgar Allan Poe: Swinging Like A Pendulum Do

It was an old movie from the 1930s on television. Johnson had heard of the film The Pit and The Pendulum based on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe.

But he wasn’t familiar with the 1930s version. He had only heard of a movie version from the 1960s with Vincent Price.

But this 1930s version was totally new to him and here he was a big classic horror movies fan. The Pit and The Pendulum from 1936 with Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff.

Try as he might, he could not recall Karloff and Lugosi ever making such a film. Lugosi had made The Black Cat with Karloff. He had made The Raven. He had made Murders In The Rue Morgue. All based on works by Poe.

But Johnson had never heard of Lugosi doing a movie version of Poe’s The Pit…

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Actual Rings of Fire Beyond Smoke and Mirrors? Or Millstone Around Neck Midnight Swims?

August 24, 2018 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Television, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Actual Rings of Fire Beyond Smoke and Mirrors? Or Millstone Around Neck Midnight Swims?

“It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”

-Jesus Christ to His Apostles
as recorded in Luke 17: 2 (KJV)

“Where their worm dieth not and the fire is not quenched.”

-Jesus Christ to His Apostles
as recorded in Mark 9:48 (KJV)

“Why is she called the Sacred Riana?” Pope Francis asked Samhain Cardinal Salaman (who had been a professional stage magician prior to his being named to the Vatican College of Cardinals) after he and the Cardinal watched clips of Indonesia’s great female magician, mentalist and illusionist performing on America’s Got Talent.

Cardinal Samhain Salaman (the ex-magician) shrugged.

He genuinely did not know.

. . .

The defrocked former priest gulped.

And not because he was watching Pennsylvania Attorney-General Josh Shapiro discuss the Grand Jury report on priestly sexual abuse at a news conference in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on CNN News.

He had just received word from a colleague of his (they had been involved in a group of 12 pedophile priests in the same city- part of a much larger pedophile network of priests in Pennsylvania that in turn were part of a much larger pedophile network of priests in the U.S. that in turn were part of a much larger global pedophile network of priests across the world) that 10 of their colleagues had been burned to death in their residences.

. . .

“Help us, Riana, help us,” the voices of children – both boys and girls called out to the long haired young Asian woman in the red dress and white silk tights as she tried to sleep.

The long haired young Asian woman saw sinister looking figures dressed in black robes approaching the children and asking in almost demonic sounding masculine voices, “Do you want to play?”.

“Avenge us, Riana, avenge us,” the children cried as they disappeared under the robes of the sinister men in black.

. . .

The defrocked former priest thought he saw an arm in blue emerge out of the mirror in his bedroom.

He also thought he saw smoke emerging from the mirror.

He walked over to the mirror and a long haired young Asian woman dressed in a blue dress and white silk tights reached out her right blue sleeved arm from the looking glass of the mirror and grabbed the defrocked priest by the throat.

Fire burned in the background in the mirror as the young woman stepped out from the mirror.

Soon other long haired young Asian women dressed in blue dresses and white silk tights emerged from the mirror as the fire in the mirror continued to expand.

The defrocked priest turned to get away when he noticed standing on top of his dresser was a long haired young Asian woman in a red dress and white silk tights who was holding a doll in one hand and with her other hand seemed to be directing the blue dress wearing long haired young Asian women to attack the pedophile defrocked priest.

The young Asian women ripped the pedophile defrocked priest apart as flames engulfed his entire house.

The next morning as the Fire Department and the police went through the blackened rubble of smouldering charcoaled remains, all that was found intact was a silver Crucifix, a statue of the Virgin Mary and a glimmering antique mirror that had carved wooden dragons, worms, snakes and flames around the edges.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 24th
2018.

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Cthulhu Threatens Vengeance On America For Sacred Riana Being Voted Off AGT: A Horror Poem

August 22, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Avatar Speaks, Celebrities, Entertainment, Folklore, Ghost Story, Horror, Humour, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, Television, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theatre Arts, TV Shows) (, , , , , , , )

Cthulhu Threatens Vengeance On America For Sacred Riana Being Voted Off AGT: A Horror Poem

It was the city proud to be oh so happy and gay
not so the creature now dwelling in the Bay
San Francisco felt a shaking
and it wasn’t earthquaking
It was Cthulhu as mad as Hell
but not at Mel B. or Simon Cowell
Howie Mandel was likewise all right
but Heidi Klum got a fright in the night
A tentacle 🐙 grabbed her leg
and it wasn’t Trump taken down a peg

For Cthulhu was in love with the Sacred Riana
like King King showing Fay Wray his big banana
He was expecting his favourite magician to go all the way
not burnt to ashes like a voodoo doll on a hot summer day

For America had voted Riana out
as Heidi complained of leg pain worse than gout
And now America would pay a very high price
and it wouldn’t be tariffs on chicken fried rice 🍚

A creature from the Lovecraftian Mythos
was with the land of the free extremely cross
No need to worry about Putin, Iran or Kim
For America, Cthulhu now has it in
It will drown in blood
like a raging flood
Fake news or not
but tentacles 🦑 of death shall hit the spot
and of making the land great again, it shall all come to not.

-A comic horror poem
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 22nd
2018.

The Sacred Riana is Cthulhu’s queen
She ascended a fiery wall before commercial break scene
She was crawling up to be crowned the Queen of Hell
from the Beast like creature who at the bottom of the sea 🌊 does dwell

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The X-Files Enter Michelangelo’s Dreams

July 4, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Short play, Short play/ comedy, Television, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The X-Files Enter Michelangelo’s Dreams

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster after binge watching 1990s episodes of The X-Files starring David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson then went to sleep 💤 in his aquarium at Set Enterprises and dreamed an X-Files related dream.

Fox Mulder (drinking a glass of bourbon) : What I want to know Scully is what do the highest levels of the U.S. government want with the Greek nature god Pan’s perfectly preserved body?

Dana Scully (shrugging): I have no idea, Mulder. I have no idea what the highest levels of the U.S. government are thinking. Or even if they think at all.

Nicotine Patch Inhaling Man (sitting at the next table in the bar): I wish my doctor hadn’t advised me to give up cigarette smoking. I imagine I look pretty stupid doing this. (continues to inhale the nicotine off the patch with his nose)

Mulder (musing aloud): I wonder if it’s possible for someone’s hairpiece to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys?

Scully: What are you aiming at, Mulder? For someone to describe you in a tweet as “a mediocre FBI agent. Spends time chasing UFOs 🛸, Sasquatch and Loch Ness monster. Huge FAIL.”

Mulder: You think the Big Chief would actually mention me, Scully?

Scully: Considering the amount of time you spent watching that Stormy Daniels porn video last night, you and he do have something in common.

Mulder (smiling): Yes and it didn’t cost me $130,000 either.

Scully: But you’re right, Mulder. The government obviously wants something with the Greek nature god Pan’s perfectly preserved body.

Mulder: Genetic research at DARPA?

Scully: Most likely, Mulder.

Mulder: Which catacomb below the Vatican is the Greek nature god Pan located in?

Scully: The hieroglyphs under the base of Michelangelo’s statue of the nature god Pan reveal the whereabouts of the catacomb, Mulder.

(A small tabby cat walks by combing its fur with a comb in its paws 🐾)

Mulder: By Michelangelo, I take it you mean the Renaissance sculptor and painter, Scully, and not the psychic lobster who’s asleep in his aquarium at Set Enterprises dreaming about us?

Scully: Exactly, Mulder.

Mulder: And I strongly suspect that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster will use the information he gleaned in this dream to inform the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and Set will therefore beat both DARPA and America’s Twitterer-In-Chief in getting the Greek nature god Pan’s body first.

Scully (smoothing her skirt and crossing her legs): Of course, Mulder.

Nicotine Patch Inhaling Man (after inhaling the tape that came with the patch): I must inform the Twitterer-In-Chief about this.

(He adjusts his election style campaign pin button on his suit which identifies him as a member of Skull 💀 and Bones 🍖 to other Skull 💀 and Bones 🍖 Society members. The button has on it two facial images- the image on the left is of Dana Scully and the image on the right is of DeForest Kelley’s Star Trek character Dr. Leonard H. McCoy)

At that moment, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster awoke.

Someone had left the TV on in the lab and BBC News had a breaking news story about how an intruder with a machete was found in Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s greenhouse.

Apparently the intruder was stopped by one of Mr. Trudeau’s greenhouse plants.

BBC News Announcer: “The Canadian Prime Minister apparently owns a genetically created cactus 🌵 plant that has a mouth and has the ability to smoke marijuana cigarettes. The plant was specially developed for him by Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher right here in London. The cactus 🌵 plant apparently blew pot smoke 💨 in the machete wielding intruder’s face and sent him higher than a kite. The intruder is apparently undergoing surgery at Ottawa General Hospital to have cactus 🌵 needles removed from his goat 🐐 like furry bottom after he landed on top of the pot smoking cactus 🌵 plant and was busy shouting at the greenhouse ceiling, “The Nibiruan ET grays are coming. And Gali-Gula is their leader.”

“Meanwhile President Trump had apparently issued a tweet in which he offered condolences to the Canadian people over the death of Mr. Trudeau. He later deleted the tweet and said he was misled by fake news…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 4th
2018.

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Renfield Performs Comedy Video Skit At 90th Academy Awards

March 4, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Performs Comedy Video Skit At 90th Academy Awards

Since there didn’t seem to be any rising new American politicians at the moment, the Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel decided to ask Britain’s rising new politician Renfield R. Renfield MP to perform a comedy video skit at this year’s Academy Awards that would be broadcast live via satellite transmission from London to Hollywood.

The theme for the 1 minute comedy skit that Renfield had been given was to play a character in a non-musical movie singing a song from a movie musical.

Renfield for his comedy skit decided that he’d play Christian Grey from the movie Fifty Shades of Grey singing a song Julie Andrews made famous in the musical The Sound of Music.

Renfield (as Christian Grey opening the door to the Red Room) singing,

“… Girls in white dresses all tied up with string,
these are a few of my favourite things…”

(On the floor of the Red Room were a bunch of beautiful women wearing white dresses all tied up with ropes)

Jimmy Kimmel immediately signalled to the technician to cut the live satellite 🛰 transmission from London.

Seeing as how Renfield R. Renfield was not Christian Grey, his video was deemed inappropriate for the post-Weinstein political climate of 2018 Hollywood.

Outrage on social media was immediate.

Various feminists posted Twitter tweets and Facebook statuses accusing Renfield of being misogynistic and holding patriarchal attitudes.

Sir Elton John tweeted that he enjoyed wearing white dresses and had never seen the Red Room and would Mr. Renfield please show him?

Hillary Clinton immediately made a YouTube video where she dressed up as the late Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini in drag and pronounced a feminist death fatwa on Renfield while writer Salman Rushdie mournfully sang the song Kumbaya in the background.

Numerous women hit Renfield with the Twitter hashtag #MeToo saying that the British MP was obviously guilty of sexually harassing women.

Since Renfield wisely did not have a Twitter account of his own (unlike some political bigmouth ignoramuses), he immediately hacked into Donald Trump’s Twitter account and responded with hashtags of his own:

@realDonaldTrump

#VirginLookingForHisFirstLay
#MeToo

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 4th
2018.

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After The Golden Globes

January 8, 2018 at 8:25 pm (Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , )

After The Golden Globes

“So the Golden Globe Awards was last night,” Renfield remarked as he drank his tea and read The Times of London.

“Yes it was and I noticed that Harvey Weinstein wasn’t on the red carpet last night,” said the somewhat naive Amadeus.

“No,” Renfield glared exasperatingly at Amadeus, “I suppose Mr. Weinstein didn’t want television audiences to see what an overcircumcision performed on the red carpet looks like.”

“Overcircumcision?” Amadeus glanced quizzically at Renfield, “How does one become overcircumcised?”.

“I hope never to find out,” Renfield replied with great honesty.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 8th
2018.

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Michelangelo’s Dream of Raymond Red Reddington and Saad Hariri

November 17, 2017 at 6:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Dream of Raymond Red Reddington and Saad Hariri

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was asleep in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises laboratory in London.

He was dreaming a dream about TV character Raymond Red Reddington from The Blacklist holding Lebanese Prime Minister Saad Hariri hostage in Riyadh Saudi Arabia.

“Why are you doing this?” Saad Hariri asked Red, “I thought you were busy sharing a blacklist with law enforcement authorities in America in return for being allowed to keep your vast criminal empire. Why are you helping the Saudis?”.

“I owe Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman a favour,” Red lit a cigar, “I have nothing against you personally.”

“Why do you owe the Crown Prince a favour?” Saad asked.

“Well I must admit it’s quite embarrassing,” Red brushed cigar ash off his trousers, “A couple of years ago I was in a Paris apartment getting the best blow job I had in my life from an extremely charming and beautiful young Saudi businesswoman Miss Fatima Suleiman when unexpectedly the Saudi Religious Police (who seem to have some trouble knowing where their jurisdiction lies) came bursting into the room. They were going to charge the charming Miss Fatima with adultery and take her back to Saudi Arabia where she’d be stoned (in a different sense of that word from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau inhaling too much pot smoke). I felt it would be a terrible tragedy for the world if it were to lose Fatima’s delicious lips of mass exhilaration. So I phoned Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and asked that he commute her sentence and that she be allowed to remain in Paris where she could continue to perform oral healing on me. His Highness agreed on condition that I owe him a favour which he could call in at any time.”

“What became of the Saudi Religious Police officers who witnessed Fatima’s actions?” Hariri inquired.

“His Highness drafted them into the Saudi Army and sent them to the front lines of Damascus to fight Bashar al-Assad’s forces where of course they were killed immediately,” Red poured himself a glass of bourbon.

“And the favour the Crown Prince called in was for you to hold me hostage and get me to resign as Prime Minister of Lebanon 🇱🇧?” Hariri was beginning to see the light.

Reddington quickly closed the blinds.

“That is correct,” Red finished his bourbon.

“So why is the Crown Prince now allowing me to fly to Paris at the invitation of French President Emmanuel Macron?” Saad asked.

“Beats me,” Reddington shrugged, “For myself, I’ve always been suspicious of any French male politician who wears more makeup 💄 than Caitlyn Jenner and the Kardashian sisters put together.”

“So it’s a mystery why I’m being allowed to fly to Paris, France 🇫🇷,”
Hariri noted.

“Well there are rumours that a few days ago a kraken calling himself Napoleon VI burst into Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s palace while His Highness was hosting a seafood banquet,” Reddington opened a tin of smoked oysters, “and after eating all the seafood, the kraken demanded that His Highness release you.”

“And so as a result of the kraken’s digestive actions, I’m now flying to Paris,” Saad Hariri was impressed.

“That appears to be the case,” Red started eating the oysters using chopsticks, “as for myself, I appear to have misplaced my fork.”

“Say, Red,” Hariri looked imploringly at Reddington, “what’s the address of Miss Fatima Suleiman’s apartment in Paris?”.

Michelangelo woke up and wondered how much of his dream was reality.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 17th
2017.

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