Kwan Yin and The Goldfish
The immortal princess Kwan Yin in the middle of a goldfish pond in a Thai garden complex
The immortal princess Kwan Yin (who was venerated as the goddess of mercy within certain branches of Buddhism) sat in the middle of a goldfish pond in a Thai garden complex.
The goldfish in this pond were likewise immortal.
In fact they had been in various ponds and various fountains all over the world throughout their long lives having been sent there by the monks who owned the garden complex.
But always they eventually returned home to this goldfish pond in this garden complex owned by a group of Thai monks.
One of the places they stayed was the Nephthys Hotel in Cairo.
They had stayed in the hotel fountain lobby from 1949 to 1953.
When they retuned home to this Thai garden complex pond, the biggest of the gold fish vomited forth a skeleton.
The skeleton remained unidentified for years until they cracked the human genetic code in the late 1990s and the early 2000s.
And after DNA tests were done on the skeleton, it was determined that the skeleton belonged to a British businessman who had disappeared at the hotel back in 1949.
On this occasion in the year 2021, one of the goldfish in the pond jumped up on the fountain step in the middle of the pond where the princess Kwan Yin was sitting and after doing a voice impersonation of actor Humphrey Bogart coughed up a very old matchbook.
Of the variety that were once given out in restaurants, bars, lounges, pubs and nightclubs all over the globe during the days and nights and years and decades when cigarette smoking was allowed in public in most places.
People in those days and nights and years and decades often collected these matchbooks (with their matches inside) as souvenirs.
Because the matchbook usually had on its cover the name and logo of the establishment that was handing out the matchbook (usually for free to paying customers who bought food and drink from the establishment) as well as the name of the town or city and country where the establishment was located.
This matchbook had the name Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub Cairo Egypt on it as well as what was presumably the club’s logo.
Kwan Yin opened up the matchbook and discovered written on the inside slip (across from the place where the matches were lined up) the name Asherah as well as the words juniper, cucumber and damask rose which were said to be the ingredients used in resurrecting a leprechaun from the dead or so the matchbook’s previous owner had once written.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 8th
2021
The Night One Eagle Split Into Two
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith with an eagle on her shoulder
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood not far from the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.
Elon Musk’s artificial moon was shining down on top of her.
It was supposed to be shining down on top of Edgar Allan Poe’s grave in Baltimore Maryland but the GPS computer network guiding Musk’s artificial moon had been hacked by a hermit gnome (frozen lawn ornament) living in Nome, Alaska.
As such the Muskian artificial moon was now hovering over the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.
On a car radio, a very old song was being played,
“We’re the John Birch Society, we’re out to save our country from the Communistic threat.
And if your mommy (pronounced mom-mee) is a Commie,
Well you’ve got to turn her in…”
A group of lawn ornament garden gnomes in Washington DC eyed with suspicion a mask wearing Nancy Pelosi as she walked by.
In the moonlight of Elon Musk’s artificial moon, with a tattoo of an eagle on her left shoulder and a living eagle perched atop her right shoulder, Lilith’s hair along with her headband, beads and headdress (that had once belonged to Chief Sitting Bull) glistened silvery in the moonlight.
Sitting Bull’s revenge on the U.S. government for the massacre of his people that had occurred at the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota in December 1890 was about to unfold.
Down in Tartarus in the Underworld, one General George Armstrong Custer had just escaped from his rotating barbeque spit over an open fire in the place and was hoping to pass Cerberus and his watchful eye (one on each of the three heads) and swim across the River Styx and back to the land of the living.
But at that moment, Custer received a ghostly arrow through his ghostly knee.
Custer now had a wounded knee.
“Fly,” Lilith spoke to the eagle.
The eagle flew off her shoulder and over the Lincoln Memorial.
The eagle was suddenly set upon by a flying red dragon, a flying bear, a flying lion, a flying cat and a winged horse named Chollima.
The eagle was ripped in two.
Facing one another across the Potomac River were two opposing supernatural forces.
On one side of the Potomac River were the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln, General Ulysses S. Grant and General Robert E. Lee (now all allies).
On the other side of the Potomac River were the ghosts of Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky). They too were now all allies.
Walking on the water of the Potomac River was the Greek god Zeus who cried in a loud voice, “Release the Kraken!”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 5th
2020.
Carson Cody Albion Meets Princess Arabella
The world famous belly dancer Princess Arabella in Cairo Egypt in 1949
Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion was spending his holidays in Egypt.
After seeing the pyramids and sailing along the Nile, Albion returned to Cairo.
In his hotel lobby, a thorougly inebriated British businessman told Albion he should go to the Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub and see the belly dancer Princess Arabella.
“Is she a real princess?” Albion asked as he lit himself a cigarette.
“She has no royal blood in her,” the businessman explained, “but she definitely is a princess of dance.”
The businessman then fell face forward into the lobby fountain where he was swallowed by a giant goldfish.
“That’s the seventh time this week that’s happened to one of our hotel guests,” the hotel manager pulled his hair out.
Albion walked down to the Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub to see Princess Arabella as the dancer was called.
He very much enjoyed her show.
Afterwards he walked backstage to her dressing room:
“Did you enjoy the show, Mr. Albion?” She asked him as she smiled.
“You’ve heard of me?” Albion was surprised.
“Carson Cody Albion,” the Princess enunciated each one of his names very carefully, “The Egyptian goddess Isis spoke of you as did the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis and Semiramis the Queen of Babylon”.
“You seem to get around in divine and semi-divine circles,” Albion lit a cigarette and adjusted his private eye fedora hat atop his head.
“I’m not really a princess,” she smiled.
“So I was told by a thoroughly inebriated pinnacle of British commerce and trade prior to his being swallowed by a goldfish,” Albion blew smoke rings.
“I’m a goddess,” she lay back on her chair.
“I would agree with that epithet,” Albion gazed down appreciately at her.
“The goddess Asherah,” she laughed.
“I’ll have to look up that name in my mythology encyclopedia when I get back to LA,” Albion wrote down her name on his matchbook that had the logo and the name for Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub.
“Why don’t you look me up here while you have the chance?” She walked over to her dressing room couch and lay back on it.
“I like your quick action style of thinking,” Albion took off his fedora and raincoat.
“Well let’s hope you’re a quick action man who takes it nice and slow when it comes to the most important part,” she licked her lips.
“Your Divine Essence,” one of the nightclub waiters entered her dressing room, “one of our guests Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun seems to have choked to death while eating our world famous Alexandrian mollusks. What are we to do?”.
“Alexandrian mollusks are one of a few things that’s positively fatal to normally immortal leprechauns,” Asherah/Arabella, who had read the Irish High King Brian Boru’s Medieval Treatise On Leprechaun Ailments, remarked.
“Is there anything we can do to resurrect him and bring him back from the dead?” The waiter asked, “Having an Irish leprechaun die on the premises will bring bad publicity and be bad for business. The assistant manager has already impaled himself in shame on the spear of the statue of Vlad the Impaler that the bazaar sculptor is working on in his bazaar workshop tent.”
“Giving him a mixture of juniper, cucumber and damask rose is guaranteed to bring a leprechaun back from the dead,” Asherah/Arabella smiled, “or so Asclepius told me just before the Greek god Zeus killed him with a thunderbolt.”
Albion wrote down that remedy for resurrection of leprechauns in his souvenir Qadshu Bazaar Nightclub matchbook just on the off chance it might be needed someday.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 4th
2021.
Lilith In The Graveyard Garden of Good and Evil
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in the graveyard garden of good and evil
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing another one of his Sunday night podcasts:
“Just an important historical note of interest, which if shown to be correct, will be noted by future historians.
Here’s the gist:
A final political showdown is coming January 6th as the U.S. Congress meets to elect CCP stooge Joe Biden as President.
The 1st American Civil War began on April 12th 1861 just 13 days after the previous Easter Sunday (March 31st 1861).
Will the 2nd American Civil War begin on January 7th 2021 just 13 days after the previous Christmas Day?
History has a strange way of balancing itself out in such occurrences.”
-Renfield R. Renfield British MP
. . .
The body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was rushed from Dublin Ireland to London England by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis powered dirigible airship the High Calypso.
It was assumed that the cause of Yaldabaoth’s death was the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka wearing a killer outfit.
However after an operation carried out by a surgical suit wearing Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster wearing a surgical mask and using his surgical gloved lobster claws to perform an incision, it was determined that the cause of death was Yaldabaoth’s eating poisoned lutefisk.
After a quick check of the Irish High King Brian Boru’s Medieval Treatise On Leprechaun Ailments (a copy of which was found in the billionaire vampire Set’s library and rare book collection), apparently eating poisoned lutefisk was one of the few things that could kill a usually immortal leprechaun.
After visualizing London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes wearing a killer outfit (which caused his lobster tank to explode), Michelangelo went into a trance and saw the circumstances which led to Yaldabaoth’s death.
Apparently after visiting the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, Yaldabaoth had gone to Rome to see the Vatican’s ugly looking Nativity display (which was put up to welcome the arrival of an alien ET saviour who graduated with a degree in New York School of Art Abstract Surrealist and Neo-Modernist Studies).
After barfing all over the Vatican Nativity display, Yaldabaoth then wandered the halls of the Vatican.
At first he thought he had entered a gay bath house but after viewing classical and Renaissance works of art in the halls and on the walls, the wee leprechaun deduced that he was indeed inside the Vatican.
Yaldabaoth went into a room where some Vatican Cardinals had prepared a New Year’s Day feast for their fellow cardinal Robert Cardinal Sarah of Guinea the prefect of the Vatican Congregation For Divine Worship and The Discipline of the Sacraments.
The feast, which consisted of large portions of poisoned Norwegian lutefisk, had been made by a group of atheistic Marxist Cardinals hoping to bump off Cardinal Robert Sarah who was a devout Catholic Christian.
Yaldabaoth, who was starting to feel hungry after having previously barfed all over the Vatican’s Nativity display, then proceeded to eat up all the poisoned lutefisk.
And in so doing saved Robert Cardinal Sarah’s life.
. . .
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith next to Edgar Allan Poe’s grave in the cemetery of the Westminster Presbyterian Church in Baltimore Maryland
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was kneeling in the cemetery of the Westminster Presbyterian Church in Baltimore, Maryland.
She was kneeling in front of Edgar Allan Poe’s grave.
A group of mischievous Irish leprecauns living in Baltimore had put up Irish Celtic crosses atop Poe’s grave and graves next to it that would have caused the Ulster Irish Presbyterian pastor Rev. Ian Paisley of Belfast Northern Ireland to pull his hair out if he had still been alive and seen it.
It was a moonlit night in Baltimore, as billionaire Elon Musk who had just built himself an artificial moon and was giving a full moon trial test run over Baltimore on this lovely windswept evening, and so the moonlight shone down on top of Lilith in front of Poe’s burial place.
The artificial full moonlight of Elon Musk’s artificial moon was causing mysterious looking red roses to grow all over the cemetery.
A raven flew down atop Poe’s gravemarker and croaked “Nevermore”.
Indeed it would be the last time the Raven would croak Nevermore for he croaked shortly thereafter.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 3rd
2021.
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka Meets Yaldabaoth The Irish Leprechaun
The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka In Dublin
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka had taken one of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis powered dirigible airships -this one called the High Calypso- from London England to Dublin Ireland.
They were going to meet Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.
What brought the meeting about was that Dracul had heard from Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol that the plans of the Egyptian god Osiris, his son Horus, George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab for a One World government were locked inside the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo.
They could break into the Bank of Monte Carlo vault but to do that they’d need the advice of two people Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones who played two master thieves in the 1999 movie Entrapment where they stole $8 billion dollars from the International Clearance Bank in the North Tower of the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Sadly however actor Sean Connery had passed away last year and not so sadly actress Catherine Zeta-Jones was very busy keeping actor Michael Douglas very happy indeed.
However after consulting a crystal ball (which was actually a snow globe showing Lucy meeting the faun Mr. Tumnus carrying an umbrella and wrapped Christmas presents in the snowy woods of the land of Narnia), Whitstable had a vision that Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun knew the combination to the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo.
After phoning Yaldabaoth, Whitstable discovered that was indeed the case.
So now, Dracul Van Helsing and the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka were at their rendezvous location in Dublin where they would be presented by Yaldabaoth with the combination to the Bank of Monte Carlo vault.
The combination number would be inside a fortune cookie slip inside a Chinese fortune cookie that Yaldabaoth would give to them along with a take out order of Guinness soaked sweet and sour spareribs.
The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka: Wearing a killer outfit.
When Yaldabaoth saw Tanaka, the first thing he said was, “Wow. That’s really a killer outfit you’re wearing.”
He then keeled over and fell to the ground sending both the fortune cookie and the take out order of Guinness soaked sweet and sour spareribs flying.
Dracul immediately rushed over and felt Yaldabaoth’s pulse.
He then looked up at Tanaka, “Wow. That really must be a killer outfit you’re wearing. He’s dead.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 2nd
2021.
The 366th Night of The Year: Zeus Boasts He Was Alexander The Great’s Father and Odin Admits He Was Adolf Hitler’s Father
An independent radio station in London England was reading the news:
“Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez was rushed to hospital in Madrid earlier tonight after he ate a piece of what turned out to be poisoned Norwegian lutefisk sent to him as a New Year’s Eve gift.
The parcel containing the lutefisk had a British House of Commons postal mark on it.
WHO officials have told the hospital’s doctors to list the death as being caused by Covid-19 should the Spanish Prime Minister end up kicking the bucket…”
. . .
Set Enterprises’ eccentric employee extraordinaire Dr. Marmalade Montague was asking Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster what would happen on the geopolitical world stage if Joe Biden was actually inaugurated President of the United States on January 20th.
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster visualized in his mind Sophia Loren giving Benito Mussolini a spanking and immediately went into a trance where he got in touch with his inner Michelangelo.
Michelangelo came out of the trance and proceeded to type on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws the following:
Within 48 hours of Joe Biden being inaugurated President of the United States, the following 3 things would happen:
1) Communist China would invade Taiwan to forcibly annex the island nation
2) North Korea would invade South Korea to forcibly annex it
3) Vladimir Putin’s Russia would invade Western Ukraine to forcibly annex the whole country
. . .
The Greek god Zeus and the Norse god Odin (known as Wotan to the ancient and medieval Germans) were having a private New Year’s Eve party in an old Berlin discoteque famed as a meeting place back in the late 1970s at the height of the Cold War where spies would exchange secrets and orgasms (and not necessarily in that order).
Zeus was drinking Greek ouzo and Odin was drinking German beer.
Zeus (whose nose was currently as red as that of the famous reindeer Rudolph) blubbered to Odin, “You know all those legends that said I was actually the father of Alexander the Great? That I seduced Olympias while King Philip II of Macedon was spending the night gambling so he could win himself a new horse? They’re true. I laid Olympias in the same manner I made myself chief god of Olympus. And 9 months later, she gave birth to the future King Alexander III of Macedon (known to history as Alexander the Great). How about you? How many world conquerers did you sire?”.
Odin put down his beer and held his head in shame, “Unlike you with Hera, I was loyal to my wife Freya most of the time. I had a few mistresses whom Freya picked for me. But I confess one night in 1888, I made out with Alois Hitler’s wife while he was busy seizing an undocumented customs shipment of Bavarian sausages. While he was busy inspecting Bavarian sausages, Frau Hitler was inspecting mine. And 9 months later, little Adolf was born in the Austrian village of Braunau am Inn on April 20th 1889.”
“I can see why you wouldn’t want to brag about that,” Zeus bit into his wienerschnitzel.
At another table the Norse trickster god Loki mentioned to his son the Norse wolf Fenrir, “Did you know that 2020 is/was a leap year? Like all leap years, it had 366 days. So when people this year said that this year seemed to last longer than most, they were absolutely right.”
Fenrir didn’t bother answering as at this moment he was having a severe allergic reaction to German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s recipe for Hungarian Rhubarb Pie that he had just eaten.
And at another table, a Eurasian brown bear possessed by the spirit of Grigori Rasputin was drinking Russian vodka while a grey wolf possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler (history’s most infamous vegetarian and teetotaler) was drinking Hendrick’s Gin because he had heard it was made with rose and cucumber blissfully unaware that it was made with alcohol as well.
Meanwhile in Rome Italy, pieces of a small meteorite had fallen on the Vatican’s extraterrestrial ET Nativity display.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 31st
2020.
Mephistopheles Leaves Joe Biden’s Body Temporarily For Secret Meeting With Kamala Harris
“Those who are adherents, followers and disciples of the united Deutero-Nazi Fourth Reich/USSR 2.0 New World Order One World Government (aka the Great Reset) now being imposed upon the world are easy to spot. They’re the ones wearing masks.”
-British MP Renfield R. Renfield
Renfield was finishing up his podcast by mentioning a news story about a disabled U.S. war vet who was beat up by people wearing masks in a shopping mall because he refused to wear a mask saying he “wasn’t disabled fighting for freedom in order to return home and be told that he didn’t have the freedom to breathe freely.”
After being beaten, he was then thrown to the ground and arrested by Deutero-Nazi stormtrooper mall security guards.
“What is the difference between these mask wearing thugs and stormtroopers and the terrorists of Leon Trotsky’s Bolshevik Red Army and Adolf Hitler’s Brown Shirts, SS and Gestapo?” Renfield asked and then answered, “Absolutely nothing.”
Renfield then noted that over 30 odd years of Star Wars films had wholeheartedly failed to clue in “the stupidest generation ever.”
“What was the first thing Anakim Skywalker/Darth Vader and the Empire Stormtroopers did upon going over to the Dark Side?” Renfield noted, “Put on masks of course.”
. . .
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was paying an unauthorized tourist visit to the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland.
What he saw outside the tunnel shook him to the core.
He dropped the William Tell arrowed apple that he was eating and took a second look.
He immediately got on the phone to Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.
“Pete,” the wee leprechaun gasped, “There’s something unbelievable happening outside the CERN tunnel?”.
“What’s that?” Whitstable was examining a large fortune slip of paper that he had pulled out of a Great Pumpkin sized fortune cookie that purported to give details of the private sex life of Xi Jinping (the fictitious fortune had been in fact ghost written by the ghost of the Byzantine historian Procopius).
“The god Shiva is dancing outside the tunnel,” Yald (as the leprechaun was called for short) explained.
“Yald,” Whitstable ate an egg roll with a pair of chopsticks, “That’s not the actual god. That’s a statue of Shiva as Lord of The Dance.”
“There’s a statue here, sure,” Yald noted, “But there really is the actual god himself. Shiva. He’s dancing a Bavarian polka with the Irish Celtic goddess Morrigan while the Norse god Thor is playing the accordion and the Greek god Ares is playing the tuba.”
“Really?” Whitstable ate the Peking Hot and Sour Baked Alaska, “Can you take a photo and email that to me? I’d like to share that on my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages.”
. . .
The fallen angel Mephistopheles (who demonically possessed Joe Biden’s body so that the senile old fool could make an intelligent sounding statement on occasion) had temporarily left the senile old fool’s body for a secret meeting with Kamala Harris.
They were meeting to discuss what should be done with Joe shortly after he was inaugurated.
Should Oprah and Dr. Phil hold a joint press conference on the front lawn of the White House and declare Joe clinically insane as he’s seen in the background being carried away in a straight jacket by secret service agents dressed as members of the Emperor Caligula’s Praetorian Guard?
Or should Joe meet with an accident aboard Air Force One as the door is “accidentally” left open at 5,000 feet in the air and Joe “accidentally” steps through it?
After briefly serving as President, Kamala would crown herself Queen of the Land.
A Communist Queen of course somewhat like the Kim Communist dynastic heriditary monarchy of North Korea except Kamala could reign for over 100 years as a Communist transhuman.
She would adopt the title the White Queen to appease (closeted White Supremacist) eugenicist Bill Gates.
As for her name as Queen, she’d take a name to honour her predecessor Joe Biden and herself Kamala Harris.
She’d take the letters J and d from Joe Biden’s name and the letters “a” and “is” from her own name Kamala Harris to form the name Jadis which would be the name of the White Queen who’d rule for at least 100 years.
In a world where, as C.S. Lewis observed, “It would be always winter and never Christmas”.
The way had been prepared for it by Bill Gates, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Pope Francis and various political leaders all over the globe cancelling Christmas for 2020.
As Joe Biden himself had said, “It will be a long dark winter ahead.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 29th
2020.
Exposed: Krampus’ Christmas Eve 2020 Kidnapping of Santa
As everyone knows Santa Claus lives at the North Pole.
Of course Santa Claus isn’t his original name.
The original name of the extremely tall and very fat elf was Caerthalian.
However Caerthalian was so impressed with the saintly bishop Saint Nicholas of Myra (March 15th 270 AD to December 6th 343 AD) and his beautiful habit of giving gifts at Christmas, that, after the good Saint died, Caerthalian and some of his smaller and shorter elf acquaintances moved up to the North Pole and built a small toy workshop where they made gifts for good little girls and boys that they then delivered around the world by Christmas morn.
As the Middle Ages started to drift into the era of the Renaissance, three little boys Martin Luther, John Calvin and Ulrich Zwingli never received any gifts at Christmas from Caerthalian (who had since changed his name to Santa Claus a variant of the Dutch Sinter Klaas which was the Dutch nickname for Saint Nicholas) because they were consistently naughty throughout the year.
As such when grown men, all 3 consistently argued for justification by faith.
Thus from Caerthalian’s/Santa Claus’ penchant for only giving gifts to good little girls and boys, the seeds of the Protestant Reformation were born.
Caerthalian’s/Santa Claus’ discriminatory policy of not giving gifts to the ethically challenged would be thoroughly repudiated by Jorge Mario Bergoglio in the 2nd decade of the 21st Century.
Turning to the point where the second and third decades of the 21st Century would merge- Christmas Eve 2020- after a meeting of demons and fallen angels in the newly formed Council For Inclusive Debauchery, it was agreed that the half-demon half-goat Krampus (who was the most unholy creature at December in the territory of the old Holy Roman Empire) should kidnap Santa Claus on the night of December 24th and commandeer his gift laden one horse open sleigh that was driven by eight reindeer (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen) plus Rudolph (who had been putting in a special cameo appearance every Christmas Eve since 1939).
Olive the other reindeer would stay home and get plastered drinking Mrs. Claus’ rum laced eggnog.
This year Krampus would be carrying a special gift that was made by the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
Bill Gates was already rubbing his hands with glee as visions of the next vaccine danced in his head.
Dr. Anthony Fauci and the Xi Jinping Commie loving idiots at WHO had already told the children of the world that Santa was immune from Covid and they should not be afraid to hug the jolly old elf if they see him.
Any change in Santa’s appearance from previous Christmasses (i.e. looking like Krampus) could be explained by an allergic skin reaction to a teen elf acne medication he was taking.
With the blessings of Dr. Anthony Fauci and the WHO, Krampus as the Santa imposter set out on his Christmas Eve mission.
It was agreed by all involved with the Council For Inclusive Debauchery that Rudolph plus the original 8 reindeer plus Olive the other reindeer should be held under quarantine so that reports of the Krampus posing as Santa story would not get out to the world and give the mainstream Marxist media in the West a chance to think up a cockinbull story knocking any honest reports of the incident.
Rudolph however managed to escape and got to the Set Estate in London where he told British MP Renfield R. Renfield the story.
Renfield went in and informed his former employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set of what had happened.
“What reindeer relayed this info?” Set asked.
“Rudolph,” Renfield replied.
“How do you know it was Rudolph?” Set inquired.
“Because of his red shiny nose,” Renfield answered.
Set lit himself a cigar and asked, “What is the cause of his red shiny nose?”.
“Could it be Oom-Pah-Pah?” The woman playing the female character of Nancy sang on the old LP record belonging to Set which contained songs from the 1960 musical Oliver! a musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic 1838 novel Oliver Twist.
Renfield, looking back into the living room where he noticed Rudolph hitting the bottles of gin, remarked, “The lady on the record says it all.”
-A Christmas children’s story
for adults
and
vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 26th
2020.
Princess Ayesha and The Battle In The Skies
The Ethiopian Princess Ayesha with her flying spear Asimati T’ori and her snowy owl Tammuz in a battle in the clouds surrounded by holographic constellations
The Ethiopian princess Ayesha was a direct descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba.
She was in possession of her ancestor’s shield The Golden Shield of The Double Headed Phoenix.
Solomon had once encountered a double headed Phoenix and was so impressed, he had a shield (made of gold) bearing this image.
The shield had been made by Hephaestus the Greek god of fire and forge.
Solomon’s ring which allowed him to control demons also allowed him to control the gods and goddesses of the world’s various religions.
So he forced Hephaestus to make him a shield of gold bearing the image of the double headed phoenix.
And the shield was now in the possession of his descendant Princess Ayesha of Ethiopia.
Ayesha also had a spear Asimati T’ori that allowed her to fly above the clouds.
In these flights, Ayesha was accompanied by her personal snowy owl named Tammuz who had the ability to fly higher than an eagle.
She had heard that an alien ET saviour (expected by a few Jesuit astronomers and Vatican Cardinals and some said by the Communist Pope Francis himself) would soon be arriving on Earth.
This alien ET saviour was said to be in alliance with Apophis the Egyptian serpent god of chaos.
Holographic images of the constellations were being projected down on to the clouds lighting the way to the alien ET saviour’s arrival.
And as such Ayesha was in the clouds with her shield the Solomonic Gold Shield of the Double Headed Phoenix, her spear Asimati T’ori and her snowy owl Tammuz to do battle with the alien ET saviour when he arrives.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 22nd
2020.
Xi Jinping Plans To Bang Italian Harlot In Shanghai While Continuing With His World Domination Plans
Communist China’s paramount leader the evil megalomaniac Xi Jinping was talking to his Supernaturnal entity advisor the Black Dragon who had emerged from a black hole in the Andromeda Galaxy eons ago.
“Heilong,” Xi asked the Black Dragon, “What’s the name of that airheaded Italian harlot I always bang whenever I visit Shanghai?”.
“That would be Ambra Schilliro the Italian Commie journalist and Babylonianish harlot social butterfly who flutters around on her Social Cloud spreading Chinese Communist Party Public Relations (what British MP Renfield R. Renfield refers to as Neo-Maoist propaganda and bullshit) in the countries of China, Italy, the U.S. and Korea.”
Xi putting on a fertilizer cologne, “Yes, that’s the one. Book me an appointment with her for tonight.”
“But I understand 666 members of the Shanghai branch of the CCP had booked to bang her in one massive gang bang tonight,” Heilong pointed out.
“Well, put them on hold,” Xi foamed, “As always happens to me when I use my Huawei phone these days. I had to break down and start using Samsung.”
A PLA soldier approaches Xi, “Your Almightiness, we regret to report that our People’s Red Army just got our asses kicked by India’s Army on the India-China border again.”
“Well cover it up like we did before,” Xi barked.
Later in Shanghai, Xi paid a visit to the Italian harlot Ambra Schilliro.
He inserted his organ into Ambra’s mouth.
“Think of it as sucking on an egg roll,” Xi said neglecting to mention that egg rolls were a lot larger.
He then inserted it into the orifice between her front legs.
And then inserted it into the orifice between her back legs.
And then inserted it into her left nostril.
“Think of it as a Covid-19 test,” Xi had said.
He then inserted it into her right nostril.
“Think of it as a Covid-19 re-test,” Xi pontificated.
He then inserted it into her right ear.
“Think of it as a wax cleaning,” Xi smiled.
He then inserted it into her left ear as he remarked, “More wax cleaning.”
Heilong had put on dark sunglasses as he watched the spectacle.
“That Italian harlot,” Heilong noted, “seems to be getting as many orifices penetrated as Procopius the Byzantine historian (and secretary to the Byzantine general Belisarius) noted happened to Justinian’s wife the Empress Theodora in Procopius’ Secret History.”
The Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who had dropped into Shanghai to pick up an order of Shanghai Fried Rice) overheard Heilong’s remarks and said, “Everything Procopius wrote about me is a lie.”
Theodora: Everything Procopius wrote about her is a lie
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 19th
2020.
