A Mermaid On Boxing Day

December 26, 2017 at 9:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

A Mermaid On Boxing Day

Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had won his Boxing Day fight in the boxing ring.

He left the broken down warehouse where he had boxed and walked down to the pier.

He was covered in sweat and blood.

He reflected on the past 8 years of his life ever since he had been brought back from the dead by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo.

As a boxer, he had fought in Ontario back in the 1880s and in California back in the 1890s.

He had retired from boxing in 1899 and moved to Honolulu where he died on June 6th 1910.

Dr. Makabo had raised him from the dead in June 2009 on behalf of a billionaire sports promoter who wanted to sponsor a boxer that would someday win the World Heavyweight Title.

And the promoter thought a supernaturally controlled boxer as in one brought back from the dead would be able to do that.

It was true Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had never lost a fight in the past 8 years.

But he still wasn’t seen as a contender namely because boxing was no longer the sport it once was.

UFC Fighting had taken away a lot of the promoters and big money.

Donnelly stood on the pier and looked down at the water.

He noticed the face of a startlingly beautiful woman staring up at him from underneath the water.

Thinking she was drowning, Donnelly jumped in.

Underneath the water, he noticed the woman was topless with a firm sumptuous pair of breasts.

He looked down and noticed the rest of her was one giant fish tail.

“A mermaid?” Donnelly thought to himself.

The shock of encountering a mermaid caused the living dead boxer to lose consciousness.

The mermaid quickly grabbed the unconscious boxer and dragged him up to the shore.

She administered mouth to mouth while in the distance a choir hired by a store for its Boxing Day sale sang, “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 26th
2017.

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Arthur On Christmas Day

December 25, 2017 at 10:48 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Arthur On Christmas Day

The boy Arthur walked through the forest.

He was walking back home to retrieve his brother Kay’s sword.

His brother had forgotten it the day of a big tournament.

As he walked, the lovely dark-haired wood nymph Morgana walked out from behind a tree.

She stood there in a lovely silvery white dress.

“Arthur,” she called out to him.

“Morgana,” Arthur smiled.

They walked back to her cabin where they spent the afternoon making love.

When they finished, Arthur walked back to the tournament.

A couple of miles from the tournament site, it suddenly hit Arthur that he had been so busy using his own sword that afternoon, he had completely forgotten about his brother Kay’s.

It was then that he noticed an ancient church and churchyard.

In the churchyard was a large stone with a sword sticking out of it.

Arthur walked over to the stone and pulled out the sword.

“This seems to be a fairly good sword,” Arthur smiled, “even better than Kay’s. My brother should be pleased.”

Arthur turned in the direction of the tournament.

He failed to notice the inscription written on the stone, “Whosoever pulleth this sword out of this stone is destined to become the great High King of the Britons.”

A new destiny had arrived for Britain on that Christmas Day.

A destiny in more ways than one.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 25th
2017.

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Amadeus and The Unicorn On Christmas Eve

December 24, 2017 at 10:21 pm (Christmas, Entertainment, Folklore, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Amadeus and The Unicorn On Christmas Eve

Amadeus Emanon was spending Christmas Eve walking through London’s Hyde Park.

He’d be attending Midnight Mass at an Anglo-Catholic Church of England parish later in the evening.

His friend Renfield R. Renfield the newly elected British Transhumanist MP was spending Christmas Eve in his bedroom with the doors locked.

Renfield had seen a live stage performance of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol earlier in the evening and was now terribly afraid that like Scrooge, he’d be visited by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.

Athelstan the butler and valet on the Set Estate would be spending Christmas with his mother in northern England where no doubt most of his time would be spent getting his mother out of drunken brawls arguing over who would win the FIFA World Cup in Russia next year.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (owner of the Set Estate) would be spending his time over the next few days hibernating in his sarcophagus until all the Christmas cheer died down.

Amadeus sat down on a park bench and looked at the snow and the decorative lights on some of the trees.

Suddenly from behind one of the trees a unicorn appeared.

Snow white in its appearance, it walked with its glistening horn towards Amadeus and bowed.

It then went on its way and seemed to vanish into the night.

After its appearance, a musical melody entered Amadeus’ head.

Taking out a notebook 📓 (a real old fashioned notebook and not an iPad) and a pen, Amadeus wrote down the notes to the melody.

No doubt seeing a unicorn on Christmas Eve conveys an important message, Amadeus felt.

Meanwhile back on the Set Estate, Renfield R. Renfield hid under his bedroom blankets and covers when he heard the old grandfather clock in the hall chime 11 PM.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 24th
2017.

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Renfield Proposes A New Snowman

December 15, 2017 at 9:01 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Fantasy, Folklore, Humour, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Renfield Proposes A New Snowman ⛄️

MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a conversation with Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher about an idea he had.

“And what is this idea, Renfield?” Dr. Rocher asked.

“I think you should build a snowman who doesn’t melt,” Renfield smiled.

“A snowman that doesn’t melt?” Dr. Rocher was astounded.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded as he opened his lunchbox and discovered that his ice cream 🍦 cone had melted.

“And what brought this on?” Dr. Rocher asked as Renfield started licking up the melted ice cream.

“Well, I was reading this short story about an evil snowman who wanted to kill people but the only trouble was he couldn’t move being a snowman without access to Frosty’s magic hat 🎩. Then some bratty kid made a nasty remark about him and the snowman couldn’t kill the brat and the snowman ended up melting instead. Anyhow I felt great sympathy for the snowman seeing as how I hate bratty kids myself. I thought it would be nice if the snowman could move and also that he couldn’t melt and then we’d have a lot less bratty kids in the world,” Renfield grinned as melted ice cream dripped from his nose.

“So you want me to create a snowman that not only can’t melt but has the ability to move as well,” Dr. Rocher said as he de-thawed his frozen salmon in the microwave.

“Exactly,” Renfield bit into a tuna fish 🐟 sandwich, “if any man can do it, you can.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 15th
2017.

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Krampusnacht 2017

December 5, 2017 at 8:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Krampusnacht 2017

The half-goat half-demon creature of the Christmas season Krampus (who might be thought of as the Anti-Saint Nicholas) was busy gathering up Canadian advertisers and putting them in coal sacks to carry them off to Hell as the commercials and TV ads shown on Canadian television this year of 2017 were the most depraved in history.

The advertisers vigorously objected to their fate but Krampus ignored their pleas and put them in his sack anyways.

Canada’s pot smoking and pot legalizing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau only escaped being put in a bag and being carried off to Hell by putting a lamp shade over his head and holding a sign in front of him that said I Don’t Pose For Selfies.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was pissed at the fact that the International Olympic Committee had banned his country from participating at next year’s Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang South Korea.

“You should really do something about it,” said the demon Moloch who was appearing to Putin in the apparitional form of the Archangel Michael.

“What should I do?” Putin ripped up a subpoena from U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

“Who don’t you invade Israel?” Moloch as Michael suggested.

“Why should I invade Israel?” Putin said while glancing at a Happy Hanukkah greeting card someone had sent him.

“Why not?” Moloch as Michael shrugged.

“I need a better reason than that,” Putin said as he ate a cracker with Black Sea caviar on it.

“Your influence in the Middle East will soar out of this world,” Moloch smiled, “particularly in lieu of what looks like Donald Trump’s impending announcement that he’s going to recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s eternal undivided capital.”

“You might have a point there,” Putin rubbed his chin in contemplative 🤔 fashion.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a caucus meeting with his fellow Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee (the Welsh Vampiress Morgana) the MP for Newbridge in Wales.

They were discussing the possibility of war in the Middle East in lieu of Trump’s announcement on the status of Jerusalem.

“I suppose one good thing that might come out of it is Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan might sever relations with the U.S. if Trump goes ahead,” Renfield stated, “which means that the would be Ottoman Sultan would be kicked out of NATO.”

A scream could be heard coming from the next room as a British Conservative MP accused of sexual harassment by dozens of women was thrown into Krampus’ bag.

Renfield looked at the calendar and commented, “That’s right. It is Krampusnacht tonight isn’t it?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 5th
2017.

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Krampus At Christmas 2017

December 3, 2017 at 4:46 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

Krampus at Christmas 2017

The old Austro-Hungarian Empire figure of Krampus (an anthropomorphic half-goat half-demon entity who during the Christmas season punished children who misbehaved) was getting negative media attention and bad publicity in this current decade of the 21st Century.

Why, some people were asking, was he picking on bad children at Christmas time?

Surely bad adults were more of a threat to the world.

Instead of leaving lumps of coal in bad children’s stockings and then carrying them off to Hell while whipping them with ruten (bundles of birch branches), a media consultant recommended the following in a paid report to Krampus,

“In an age of climate change and increasing concern about the impact of man-made CO2 emissions on producing that climate change, it’s probably not a good thing to put coal in children’s stockings as they might burn the coal and this will lead to the melting of a glacier in Antarctica 🇦🇶 which in turn will affect the flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Africa that in turn will lead to a bottle of a New Age hair care product endorsed by Oprah Winfrey falling off the shelf in a Safeway store. We cannot allow such things to happen.”

The report went on, “Whipping people with ruten (bundles of birch) is also considered very passé in lieu of the recent popularity of 50 Shades of Grey. A whip or riding crop would probably be considered more contemporary and modern.”

The report concluded, “Finally don’t pick on naughty children as adults these days seem to be more naughty and childishly naughty than most children. I’m not going to mention any names of course. Let us just call such individuals (as my friend the rabbi in Elaine Benes’ building on Seinfeld would say) Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un.”

Krampus decided therefore to pick on naughty adults this Christmas.

He’d start with the majority of women in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, who judging from their immense obesity were obviously consuming more of the world’s resources in a disproportionate fashion to that of other people.

He had read an article written by the noted Pan Goatee talking about how this was creating a severe negative impact on the beauty of the world.

Renfield R. Renfield had also alluded to this in a speech he gave to the British House of Commons, “Judging from their size, if the vast majority of Calgary women would just cut back on one meal a month, there would be enough food left over to feed the poor children of Africa for a year.”

Krampus would drag the fat women of Calgary down to Hell (he had hired several giant cranes, monster sized fork lifts and Athabasca tar sands sized tractor trailers to help him for this purpose).

And then he’d take on and take down several other naughty adults as well until he worked his way to Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 3rd
2017.

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Napoleon VI Looking For A Public Relations Coup

November 12, 2017 at 7:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Napoleon VI Looking For A Public Relations Coup

The kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (formerly Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus who had uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus 🐙- part octopus and part robot) had been moping around the house ever since he lost the 1st round of the French Presidential election this past April coming in 12th of the 12 Presidential candidates running.

His wife Medusa (the ex-Gorgon) was getting sick of his constant moping and his constant bellyaching for a bellyaching kraken is not a pleasant sight.

“Why don’t you do something concrete?” Medusa scolded as she stood in her new Christian Dior evening gown and read a new book explaining the possible whereabouts of ex-Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa, “Instead of constantly complaining, do something to get your name in the news. The French electorate are regretting having elected Emmanuel Macron President. Do something positive and praiseworthy and you’ll become famous and get elected President of France next time.”

“But what can I do?” Napoleon VI wondered which one of his 8 metallic tentacled arms he should use if he was ever invited to play golf with Donald Trump.

“Well, there’s talk of a possible war between Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 and Iran 🇮🇷. Why don’t you see if you can’t bring peace between the two countries? Then you’ll be hailed as the great peacemaker,” Medusa adjusted her gown.

“I suppose I could,” Napoleon VI realized he’d probably have to skip the Monte Carlo Monopoly Game Board Tournament if he were to do that.

. . .

The two Bedouins riding on their camels 🐫 through the Arabian Desert were startled to see a giant octopus 🐙 parachuting out of a plane ✈️ and landing on the sands not far from them.

“I say,” the Kraken Napoleon VI spoke in a Monty Python style British accent thinking that this would make him more understandable to people who only spoke Arabic, “can you direct me to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s palace in Riyadh?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 12th
2017.

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The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Rises Again

September 30, 2017 at 3:15 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was visiting the village of Sleepy Hollow near Tarrytown in northern New York state.

She was searching for the grave of a former lover of hers- a Hessian military officer who fought for the Hanoverian king George III during the American Revolutionary War and who got his head shot off by a stray cannonball much to his dismay.

The officer’s name was Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden.

Allatallahbel found the grave of the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden in the forest a few miles out of town from the village of Sleepy Hollow.

Vampiress Allatallahbel Near The Grave of The Headless Horseman

A large gravestone and marker for the grave had been paid for by the government of Germany back in 1933 shortly after a man named Adolf Hitler had been appointed Chancellor of Germany.

The reason for building a gravestone marker for the long dead headless Hessian officer were known only to Allatallahbel and Adolf.

After standing beside the gravestone marker and reflecting for a while, Allatallahbel then stood back and chanted a spell that was given her by the ancient Egyptian god Thoth.

Thoth had recently returned to this particular spatial/temporal dimension.

On the day of the full lunar eclipse across the U.S.- August 21st 2017- in fact.

After chanting the spell, she waited.

The headless Hessian officer then arose from the grave along with his horse (for he had been buried with his horse).

Allatallahbel then gave the Headless Horseman his instructions.

The Horseman saluted (even though he had no head to salute on) and rode off.

He stopped off in front of a store in Tarrytown and broke the store’s front window and helped himself to a carved Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin which he immediately put on top of his shoulders.

He then rode all the way to downtown Manhattan.

Many New York City policemen tried to stop the Headless Horseman but he beheaded them with his regimental sword.

The policemen’s beheadings were met with cheers by supporters of the Black Lives Matter movement.

The Headless Horseman passed a television set in a department store window where Pope Francis was doing a stand-up comedy routine in which he claimed the apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia was a Thomist document.

The Headless Horseman could be heard cackling through his carved Jack O’ Lantern teeth.

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden then rode down to the New York City docks where he and his horse boarded a ship bound for Europe.

He hoped the ship would arrive in Europe before Halloween.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 30th
2017.

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Kwan Yin In Banff National Park

September 27, 2017 at 3:41 pm (Fantasy, Folklore, Mythology, Nature, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy could sense that the deer in Banff National Park were troubled by the fire in nearby Waterton Lakes National Park.

Their animal senses picked up that something was wrong.

So Kwan Yin went to Banff National Park to comfort the deer.

Kwan Yin The Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy

Kwan Yin her mercy
extends to all God’s creatures
even tiny deer

-A vampire novel chapter
and haiku
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 27th
2017.

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Dracul Van Helsing Meets The Norse Goddess Freya

September 25, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The results of the German national election were in.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel had won a 4th term in office.

But the far-right ultra-nationalist AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland) came in 3rd place in the number of seats they won in the German Bundestag.

The Norse goddess Freya knew this would amount to trouble.

Already the Germanic god Wotan (whose Norse name was Odin) was making plans with the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf to take advantage of AfD’s surprising showing.

Ever since the bloodshed unleashed by German leaders Kaiser Wilhelm II and Fuhrer Adolf Hitler during the 20th Century, Freya thought of herself as more a Norse goddess rather than a Germanic goddess.

Today she would be meeting with vampire hunter and MI-6 agent Dracul Van Helsing to discuss the German election result and AfD’s showing.

Given his background in investigating matters supernatural and paranormal, Dracul would take note of Freya’s knowledge of the dark supernatural forces involved in AfD’s upsurge in popularity among the German electorate.

Plus Dracul Van Helsing was friends with British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield believed to be Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s most favoured choice to become Prime Minister should a National Unity coalition government be formed in the Westminster Parliament.

Freya sat there waiting for him.

The Norse Goddess Freya

Dracul Van Helsing approached.

“Are you ready to get started?” Freya asked.

“Yes,” Dracul answered, “but only if you take me over your knee and spank me first.”

“All right,” Freya adjusted her gray mini dress for she had been expecting this request, “lay across my skirt and I’ll spank you.”

She had heard that Dracul had made this request of other goddesses and vampiresses before entering into delicate negotiations.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 25th
2017.

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