A Banyan Tree Grows On The Moon
A Banyan Tree Grows On The Moon
Walking the streets of Honolulu in 1946
Was Los Angeles private eye Carson Cody Albion
He was on vacation
After having solved the mysterious case of the Blue Velvet Dandelion
back in LA
He walked through some of the crafts shops in the city
He noticed one belonging to a man who made ships in a bottle
Carson entered the store and looked around
He noticed one ship in a bottle that attracted his attention
“What ship is this?” Albion asked the craftsman
“The Santa Maria,” the craftsman replied
“The Santa Maria?” Carson looked at the ship in the bottle, “That was Christopher Columbus’ flagship in 1492 on his journey to the New World wasn’t it?”
“That’s right,” the craftsman nodded.
“I’ll take it,” Albion paid the craftsman
He walked out of the store and on to the avenue
An elderly Hawaiian woman was at a stand selling coconuts
The private eye looked at the coconuts but wasn’t hungry at the moment
So he didn’t buy.
“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” the coconut woman shouted after him.
“What?” Albion walked back to her.
“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” she repeated.
“Oh, okay,” Albion figured that the woman had been adding too much rum to her coconut milk
and decided to continue walking
“What are you planning to do with that ship in a bottle that’s in your shopping bag?” The woman asked him.
Albion wondered how she knew there was a ship in a bottle in his shopping bag
However he answered, “I don’t know”.
“Here’s a small piece of Kapa cloth,” the woman handed him just that,
“Take this pen and write on it what I have told you, “A Banyan tree grows on the moon”. Then put the Kapa cloth with the message in the bottle alongside the ship and throw it in the ocean where the waves will carry it where it may.”
It was a strange request but Albion felt compelled to comply
That night as the Hawaiian moon shone bright on the shore and sands, he threw the bottle with the ship, Kapa cloth and message into the ocean.
It was a late March night in 2020
The streets of London were deserted because of the countrywide lockdown over the Coronavirus
but Dracul Van Helsing had a paper signed by Boris Johnson
granting him permission to walk the streets
To rid the city of any evil nocturnal creatures
As Dracul walked along the banks of the Thames
He noticed a small bottle floating close to the shore
The vampire hunter picked it up
It appeared to be very old
And it almost had the appearance of having travelled all over the world
How did it wind up here on the Thames? he wondered.
He looked inside the bottle
He recognized the ship as being the Santa Maria
He pulled out the small piece of Kapa cloth and noticed the message on it
“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” Dracul read aloud.
He went back to his London apartment
Carrying the ship in the bottle and its message with him
He went inside the room he used as an office
And saw this vision
“Who are you?” Dracul asked.
“I am Mahina the Hawaiian and Polynesian goddess of the moon”
The woman answered.
-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 29th
2020.
Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple
Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple
Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having a conversation with British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
Both men were 6 meters away from one another so they wouldn’t be shot by killer drones recently commandeered by WHO (the World Health Organization) for those who violated the world body’s social distancing rules.
Athelstan was also wearing a face mask.
Although whether this was because he feared getting the Coronavirus or because he had just cleaned out the kitty litter box belonging to Nefertiti Galore (the vampire Set’s fiercely protective house cat) is a matter for speculation.
“So, Mr. Renfield,” Athelstan coughed through his face mask, “I hear that Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam issued an Executive Order this past Monday making it a criminal offense to hold a Church service with more than 10 people present. If found guilty, people could be imprisoned for 12 months and/or fined $2,500.”
“I imagine,” Renfield lit his pipe, “that the Baal and Baphomet worshipping Marxist despot Ralph Northam was positively ejaculating in ecstasy and orgasm at being able to sign such an Executive Order. I don’t imagine he’ll ever bother rescinding it even when the pandemic is over.”
“Probably not, sir,” Athelstan dusted off a portrait painting of the late British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher dressed in a medieval Iron Maiden torture chamber item suit, “Did you hear that Pope Francis’ personally designated papal successor Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle is saying let’s overcome the Coronavirus with a pandemic of love?”.
“Well,” Renfield sipped his pipe, “Isn’t that jackass just the epitome of romance?”.
. . .
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was flying a magic shamrock flying carpet from his rented farmhouse in Vermont to New York City.
Yaldabaoth had recently left Ireland after that country had closed all its pubs (As Yaldabaoth remarked at the time, “You know a world situation is serious when it forces Ireland to close all its pubs.”)
He had gone to Vermont hoping that the pubs would be open.
Many of them were closed but lucky for Yaldabaoth, there were plenty of Vermont country gentlemen who made their own moonshine.
Yaldabaoth rented his Vermont farmstead from another Irish leprechaun The Fantastic Flanigan.
The Fantastic Flanigan had the honour of being the world’s shortest UFC fighter.
He also had the honour of being the world’s only always defeated UFC fighter.
Generally all the other UFC fighters used the Fantastic Flanigan as practice for the day the old medieval sport of dwarf tossing was once again brought back into the world.
It so happened that the Fantastic Flanigan owned a flying carpet (made from magic shamrocks) so he had left it behind in the barn for Yaldabaoth to use.
Flanigan was currently spending his social isolation time at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada.
As Yaldabaoth approached New York City, he was shocked to see the Big Apple surrounded by an army of Dullahans (A Dullahan was a black horse riding headless horseman of death).
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 26th
2020
Reblog of The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem
A poem I wrote 4 years ago today.
The Headless Horseman In New York: A Poem
A can of Dew Kickstart one could barely swallow
when one saw the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow
riding his horse down Fifth Avenue
swiping from a traffic cop a bowl of Irish stew
but realizing he had no mouth to eat it
he threw it aside quoting Michael Jackson, “Beat it.”
He then rode to Park Avenue
and starting to feel a little blue
sang that grand old tune
by the light of silvery moon,
“Puttin’ on the Ritz
Dressed up like a million dollar trouper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper”
And having no head the Headless Horseman failed miserably at looking like Gary Cooper
he more resembled Donald Trump minus his red spider monkey fur toup-er
And thus he left New York a Presidential party pooper.
-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday March 20th 2016.
Reblog of Ghost Ship: The Flying Dutchman Sails On and On
A supernatural narrative poem and vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year and 3 months ago:
On a moonlit night the sky’s spotlight
casts its rays down on tonight’s performer
a sailing ship rising out of the mist
in a globe theatre where sea and sky do meet
From underneath the water Poseidon’s hand
seems to rise from below the depths
lifting the old Dutchman like a pearl of great price
as an offering and a gift to Diana’s lantern in the night sky
Oh ship of mighty oak and sturdy deck and towering masts
what a price thou hast paid
for having for a master one Captain Hendrick Van der Decken
He who would make league and sup with the Devil
to have the fastest ship that would sail to the East Indies and back
And so there at the Cape of Good Hope
ship, master and crew would lose all hope
as Captain Hendrick stood on deck at the wheel
and cursed the wind…
View original post 673 more words
Countess Draculina, Justin, A Gender Confused Wombat and A Pot Smoking Walrus
Countess Draculina, Justin, A Gender Confused Wombat and A Pot Smoking Walrus
Justin entered the mirror.
And felt the wet sand under his feet.
What happened to his shoes and socks he wondered?
The Basilides gnostic god Abraxas had them on his two feet (which were heads of serpents) in another dimension.
Walking through two inter-dimensional portal mirrors on the same night can cause stuff to go missing.
Which was always the noted Australian entertainer Uncle Ernie’s explanation whenever his g-string style jock strap fell off while he was on the stage in his drag queen show and the audience could see what he had (or lack thereof!).
Justin looked at the vampiress who stood before him.
“A little bird tells me that you’re the Countess Draculina the daughter of Count Dracula,” Justin spoke with his usual meandering manner of speaking.
Countess Draculina leaned forward and shouted “Boo!”.
The little hummingbird on Justin’s shoulder flew away.
“I didn’t know there was a full moon tonight,” Justin looked at the full moon and the Scottish castle behind Countess Draculina.
“That is an illusion,” Draculina laughed, “caused by a great searchlight (invented by Nikola Tesla) casting its full moon signal into the air.”
“Will signs and wonders never cease?” Justin used a fine tooth comb to remove gray hairs from his hair.
“Those signs and wonders will soon increase and increase,” Draculina licked the blood off her lips just as an Australian wombat (who was actually Uncle Ernie shapeshifting from another dimension) crawled up and licked the blood off her breasts atop her low-cut gothic attire mini dress.
“And what is the purpose of all these signs and wonders?” Justin asked as he inhaled pot smoke that was being exhaled by a pot smoking Arctic walrus that had just crawled on to the shore from the sea.
The ghost of John Lennon appeared on one of the high towers of the distant Scottish castle and began singing a paraphrased version of one of his old hits, “Imagine all the people worshipping the Antichrist… someday you’ll join us and the world will be as one.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 24th
2020.
Inside Magical Mystery Tour
Inside Magical Mystery Tour
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was inside his greenhouse.
He was staring at the late Victorian/early Edwardian era antique mirror that stood in the place where his pot smoking and cannabis exhaling desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever had once stood.
A mirror that reflected neither Justin’s image nor the area of the greenhouse around him.
For within its glass was the image of a closed rare and used book store at the intersection of a dark alley and desolate London street at night.
“Where’s my pot smoking cactus plant?” Justin asked, “I thought I was getting a pot smoking cactus plant called Magical Mystery Tour?”.
“Enter the mirror, stupid,” a voice from the bookshop inside the mirror spoke.
“Did you just tell me to enter the mirror?” Justin asked.
“Brilliant deduction,” the voice answered.
Justin walked into the mirror and found himself standing at the corner of desolate street and dark alley in London.
The only thing within his sight was the closed used book store.
Mist which smelled a lot like pot smoke filled the dark London street.
He decided to try to open the door of the closed book store that was called Tezcatlipoca’s Antiquarium and Rare Books.
Sure enough the door opened and a bell above the door rang indicating a customer was entering the shop.
The old shop owner who was a skeleton covered in cob webs looked up from the cob web and dust covered book he was reading called The Brothers Grimm Grimoire.
He got up to greet Justin and his skull fell off.
Whereupon the rest of his bones fell apart as well.
A volume called Old Yale University Alumni fell off one of the book shelves and landed on top of the skull and bones.
Justin walked to the back of the bookstore where he saw a pot of coffee brewing.
The pot of coffee was next to an antique mirror (much like the one in Justin’s greenhouse) except this mirror reflected the book shelves round about as well as Justin’s own image.
A bony finger emerged from inside the mirror and pointed at the coffee pot and an old ceramic cup bearing the image of what looked to be an old Aztec deity.
“Take and drink,” a voice inside the mirror commanded.
Justin poured himself a cup of coffee.
He added cream that he poured from a small statue of the Egyptian cow goddess Hathor.
He added sugar from packets of sugar marked Uncle Ernie’s Sugar Free Sugar that had the inscription at the back Aleister Crowley approved.
He used a skull insignia emblazoned spoon to stir the concoction.
He drank.
Justin then looked at the mirror and saw this image:
Countess Draculina in front of a castle on the West Coast of Scotland
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 23rd
2020.
Justin Trudeau’s Failed Macho Man Impersonation and The Unmasked Demon Dancer Chief Woos
Justin Trudeau’s Failed Macho Man Impersonation and The Unmasked Demon Dancer Chief Woos
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a guest news editorial on a very very independent Ottawa radio station.
“Well,” Renfield began, “after a week, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is apparently sick of being called a “wimp” (namely because he is one) and earlier today after swallowing the contents of a dozen bottles of testosterone tablets marched (instead of his usual “minced”) to a media briefing room with important members of his cabinet and in his deepest (closest he could muster to a baritone sounding) voice announced, “These barricades must come down now.”
Of course Justin didn’t say what he would do if the barricades by indigenous gangs (self-proclaimed Warrior societies) and their Marxist Trotskyite co-travellers didn’t come down from blocking the nation’s railway and transportation system since the cranial contents challenged son of self-proclaimed philosopher king Pierre Elliot said he still wouldn’t call in the police to take down the blockades.
Justin thinks no doubt that his failed Macho Man routine would be enough to frighten the anarchistically inclined Mohawk Warriors to take down their railway blockades at Belville Ontario and outside the Kanesatake settlement in Quebec.
Well despite the dozen bottles of testosterone pills he swallowed and his pitiful attempt at trying to talk in a baritone voice saying “These barricades must come down now” to the group of costumed figured puppets dressed as Alvin and The Chimpmunks singing behind the curtain (as Justin spoke) in their Chipmunk sounding voices those 1978 Village People lyrics, “Macho, macho, macho man, I gotta be a macho man…”, I doubt very much the Tyendinaga Mohawk Warriors near Bellville Ontario or the Kanesatake Mohawk Warriors near Oka, Quebec will be taking down their blockades anytime soon without police intervention.
I noticed a photo of the Wet’suwet’en hereditary chiefs who are opposed to the natural gas pipeline in northern B.C. standing in front of a Tim Horton’s restaurant in a food court on the TV news tonight.
No doubt they were wondering why the plant based beef burgers they had just bought at the Tim Horton’s behind them didn’t taste exactly the same as the supposedly plant based beef burgers that the beautiful woman (who was actually a Wechuge evil spirit in disguise) gave them in the first place that caused their panties to twist into a knot over the natural gas pipeline.
An investigation by the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka, vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Interpol agent Peter Whitstable showed the same beautiful woman (who is actually a Wechuge evil spirit ) had given Tim Horton’s boxes containing supposedly plant based beef burgers to the Tyendinaga Mohawk Warriors last night.
Meanwhile the Wet’suwet’en hereditary Chief Woos spoke at a news conference earlier today.
Seeing Chief Woos speak at that news conference, two words come most pre-eminently to mind.
And those two words are “total scumbag”.
And when I say that, I’m judging him by the content of his character (and his facial expression that so clearly reflects the content of that character) and not the colour of his skin nor his ethnic background.”
. . .
Meanwhile Pope Francis was reading today’s Munich Agreement in which Vatican Foreign Minister Archbishop Paul Gallagher had met with Chinese Foreign Minister Wang Yi in Munich and had surrendered control over the Catholic Church in China to the Communist government of Xi Jinping.
. . .
Meanwhile the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka stood and watched in horror as the Wechuge evil spirit (shapeshifted into a beautiful woman) was gathering up cartons marked Tim Horton’s of supposedly plant based beef burgers that she had just fed the Kanesatake Mohawk Warriors prior to their meeting with the Wechuge influenced Wet’suwet’en hereditary chiefs tomorrow.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 21st
2020.
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka and The Wechuge
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka and The Wechuge
A group of Tyendinaga Mohawk Warriors sat at their blockades on the railway tracks near Belleville, Ontario.
Also among their ranks was a group of whites- all of whom were paid agitators from the Trotskyite Fourth International.
They sat eating hot dogs and listening to the radio.
On the radio was British MP Renfield R. Renfield, “I’ve been asked by the producer of this program not to mention the fact that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg likes his employees to blow dry his arm pits before he gives a speech so I’m not going to mention that.”
“There must be a long list of people who want to kill this Renfield,” a Warrior remarked.
“One of our people managed to get ahold of the ice axe that was used to kill Trotsky in Mexico City in 1940,” commented a Trotskyite agitator, “so we plan to use that to do him in.”
Nearby a mysterious creature stalked the woods.
The creature was a Wechuge – a giant ice creature who had once been human but had become possessed by an ancient giant animal spirit.
The Wechuge were to be found in Western Canada.
This Wechuge had been a member of the Wet’suwet’en’ First Nation prior to having once ate human flesh and become a Wechuge.
It was this Wechuge who had appeared to some of the Wet’suwet’en hereditary chiefs and told them to oppose a gas pipeline that was actually supported by the vast majority of the Wet’suwet’en people including other hereditary chiefs and the elected band council.
She had appeared in the form of a beautiful woman and gave them what she claimed were Tim Horton’s plant based beef burgers to eat.
She said, “I find their flavour particularly satisfying.”
The Wechuge quickly shape shifted from giant ice creature to beautiful woman and approached the Mohawk encampment carrying what appeared to be cups of Tim Horton’s coffee and containers of Tim Horton’s Plant Based Beef Burgers.
“Take this and eat,” she handed out the containers of supposedly plant based beef burgers, “Do this in memory of me.”
She then vanished into the night.
. . .
“My pot smoking and cannabis exhaling marijuana plant turns out to be a late Victorian/early Edwardian antique mirror,” Justin Trudeau wept in front of his cabinet during a cabinet meeting, “One that doesn’t even reflect its immediate surroundings but rather reflects a closed used and rare book store on the street corner next to a desolate alley on a mist filled night in London, England.”
The cabinet looked at one another.
This was Canada’s national leader in a time of national crisis.
. . .
The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka sat on a tree stump in the wintery woods and awaited the arrival of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol.
The trio would be investigating the alliance of First Nations supernatural skulduggery and Trotskyite Marxism.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 20th
2020.
Maria Orsic On Ghost Pine Lake
Maria Orsic On Ghost Pine Lake
The year was 1947.
And the Austro-Croatian mystic Maria Orsic was at Ghost Pine Lake in Central Alberta.
She had somewhat of an adventuresome 2 years.
When Nazi Germany unconditionally surrendered on May 8th 1945, she had carried with her a briefcase showing drafts of flying saucers that would be able to fly using Vril energy.
Maria Orsic had been hoping to flee the country.
But she had been conked on the head by an officer of the U.S. Office of Strategic Services (predecessor to the American CIA) and her briefcase containing the flying saucer and Vril energy drafts were stolen by that operative.
When she awoke, she had found herself in the Elysian Fields in the arms of Napoleon Bonaparte.
Apparently Hermes in his role as Psychopomp (guide of the souls of the Dead to and through the Underworld) had mistaken the unconscious Maria Orsic for being dead and had taken her down there.
Hermes made the mistake because he had been drunkenly carousing with Dionysus/Bacchus the night before.
As punishment for this drunken fiasco and mishap, an angry Zeus decreed that Hermes was to be present at the birth of a baby who would grow up to be the notorious Australian character who called himself Uncle Ernie.
Hermes would never recover from being present at that particular Nativity (at which magic mushroom eating transvestite 3 foot tall dwarf demons sang Glory Be To Crowley In The Highest) and was still being treated for PTSD by Psyche’s psychiatrist to this day.
Maria Orsic would be escorted by Persephone back up to Earth.
And today she found herself at boat races being held at Ghost Pine Lake.
Among the competitors would be one Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.
He would be competing under the name of Jack Pipe.
Maria Orsic had recognized Jack Pipe’s photo when she read a Boat Racing News magazine issue in a Chicago hairstylist’s salon.
So she went northwest to Ghost Pine Lake.
Meanwhile Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles were also present at Ghost Pine Lake on this day in 1947.
They had traveled back in time using the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr prototype magic lantern (a magic lantern that served as an instrument of time travel).
The reason for their time travelling excursions was a series of peculiar phenomena that were happening in Alberta in the year 2020.
A ghost white buffalo had been spotted wandering through Dry Island Buffalo Jump Provincial Park east of the town of Huxley (named after the famous Darwinian evolutionist Thomas Huxley. Huxley was currently roasting away on a spit down in Tartarus and was now a convinced creationist).
The last time a Ghost White Buffalo had been seen in these parts was back during the dreadfully cold winter of 1907-08.
In addition, the ghost of the Headless Horseman of Ghost Pine Lake (a Cree indigenous warrior who had lost his head in battle to the tomahawk of a Blackfoot indigenous warrior) was starting to show up on nights that were not moon lit.
Previously the ghost had only looked for his head on moonlit nights.
Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was convinced something unusual was happening in the Supernatural realm.
Pope Francis who was a Marxist dialectical materialist disagreed.
In between takes of his shooting a music video (a remake of the 1980s video where a sexy looking Belinda Carlisle sings “We’ll make Heaven a place on Earth…), the Pope told reporters as such.
The video remake of Heaven Is A Place On Earth where Pope Francis sings and performs what was done by Belinda Carlisle in the original video was taking a long time to shoot as each new director of the music video inevitably ended up committing hari kari after each shooting of a scene.
And so on Whitstable’s recommendation, Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had traveled back in time and place to Ghost Pine Lake in 1947 where the Vril Society medium Maria Orsic was watching Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau race a boat.
“Dracul!” Maria shouted as she recognized the Canadian vampire hunter with whom she had had previous cosmic encounters.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 17th
2020.
Legend of The Ghost White Buffalo
Legend of The Ghost White Buffalo
“Not far from here,” the wood nymph said, “the Ghost White Buffalo saved a herd of cattle.”
“Tell me this tale,” said the stranger.
And so the wood nymph did.
The legend of the Ghost White Buffalo is to be found here:
https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/02/16/the-ghost-white-buffalo-a-poem/
