Dracul Van Helsing Meets The Norse Goddess Freya
The results of the German national election were in.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel had won a 4th term in office.
But the far-right ultra-nationalist AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland) came in 3rd place in the number of seats they won in the German Bundestag.
The Norse goddess Freya knew this would amount to trouble.
Already the Germanic god Wotan (whose Norse name was Odin) was making plans with the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf to take advantage of AfD’s surprising showing.
Ever since the bloodshed unleashed by German leaders Kaiser Wilhelm II and Fuhrer Adolf Hitler during the 20th Century, Freya thought of herself as more a Norse goddess rather than a Germanic goddess.
Today she would be meeting with vampire hunter and MI-6 agent Dracul Van Helsing to discuss the German election result and AfD’s showing.
Given his background in investigating matters supernatural and paranormal, Dracul would take note of Freya’s knowledge of the dark supernatural forces involved in AfD’s upsurge in popularity among the German electorate.
Plus Dracul Van Helsing was friends with British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield believed to be Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s most favoured choice to become Prime Minister should a National Unity coalition government be formed in the Westminster Parliament.
Freya sat there waiting for him.
Dracul Van Helsing approached.
“Are you ready to get started?” Freya asked.
“Yes,” Dracul answered, “but only if you take me over your knee and spank me first.”
“All right,” Freya adjusted her gray mini dress for she had been expecting this request, “lay across my skirt and I’ll spank you.”
She had heard that Dracul had made this request of other goddesses and vampiresses before entering into delicate negotiations.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 25th
2017.
There’s Grigori and Then There’s Grigori
There’s Grigori and Then There’s Grigori
The Grigori (a Slav transliteration from the Greek egregoroi meaning “Watchers”, “Those who are awake”, “Those who never sleep”, “guards”, “sentinels”) is a term used in connection with Biblical angels.
They were assigned to watch over the Earth but they fell in love with and mated with mortal women giving rise to a race of hybrids known as the Nephilim who are described as giants.
Their exploits are briefly alluded to in Genesis 6:4 and elaborated upon in the Books of Enoch and Jubilees.
. . .
The Tunguska event was a large explosion 💥 that occurred near the Stony Tunguska River in eastern Siberia on the morning of June 30th 1908.
The explosion flattened over 2000 square kilometres of forest 🌳 yet caused no known human casualties.
The explosion is generally attributed to the air burst of a meteor.
It is classified as an impact event (in fact the largest impact event in recorded history) even though no impact crater has ever been found.
The object is believed to have disintegrated at an altitude of 5 to 10 kilometres above the Earth’s surface rather than actually hitting the surface of the Earth 🌏.
And that portion of the Earth’s surface that experienced the wrath of this mysterious object’s impact was the sparsely populated Eastern Siberian Taiga.
Studies have yielded different estimates of the meteor’s size on the order of 60 to 190 metres (200 to 620 feet) depending on whether the body was a comet or denser asteroid.
Since the 1908 event, there have been an estimated 1000 scholarly papers (mostly in Russian) published on the Tunguska explosion.
Of those 1000 odd papers written on the Tunguska explosion, not one took note of the ripple in time that happened on that day.
Of course, there was no reason why any of them should.
For the effects of the impact were thought to be strictly in the air and on the ground.
There was no reason to expect a rupture (no matter how minuscule) in the space/time continuum.
. . .
Part of that mysterious object that exploded went 11 years back in time to the year 1897 and traveled to the Saint Nicholas Monastery at Verkhoturye (the town that at the foot of relatively low middle Ural Mountains is called the Gateway to Siberia from the west).
Contemporary scientists have often speculated whether primitive alien life forms could be brought to earth on meteorites from space.
The answer is possibly.
What about DNA?
Could DNA travel on a meteorite?
And what about the Grigori? The Watchers of old? Angels said to have mated with human women back at the dawn of recorded history? These angels (which were supposed to be originally pure spirit) must have found some way of composing a material body for themselves in order to be able to mate with human women.
Was there such a thing as Grigori DNA then?
Such would be the stuff for highly speculative and extremely creative science papers.
But it so happened that Grigori DNA on an object from space that fell to Earth went through a ripple in time back 11 years to the Saint Nicholas Monastery at Verkhoturye where it struck a visiting peasant pilgrim from the Siberian village of Pokrovskoye- Grigori Rasputin.
As a result of angelic Grigori making contact with human Grigori- the whole world would change forever.
Rasputin would lead to Lenin and the USSR. Which would lead to Stalin and the USSR. Fear of Stalin and the USSR would lead to the middle classes of Germany ensuring the parliamentary victory of a man named Adolf Hitler in the Reichstag.
And so on.
And so on.
All the way forward to a man named Kim Jong-un facing a standoff with a man named Donald Trump.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 20th
2017.
A Timely Showdown In The Klondike
North Korean despot Kim Jong-un and his British House of Lords member Communist adviser Lord Byron Jennings had been working on another angle to destroy America besides nuclear weapons and the intercontinental ballistic missile program.
The idea was to send a 100,000 man North Korean Army with advanced weaponry, machine guns and tanks back in time and conquer America in the days when America did not have such weapons.
They sent their good friend Ares the Greek god of War to the Underworld to consult with Saturn/Cronus the Titan god of time on how this could be possible.
Saturn/Cronus told Ares that his reign was of course the Golden Age prior to being overthrown by his son Zeus/Jupiter.
And ever since, Saturn explained, he always had a hankering for gold.
In fact he had been building himself a small portal through time to reach Dawson City Yukon in the year 1897 at the height of the Klondike Gold Rush.
Saturn was still trying to figure out how to leave Tartarus (“that 3-headed dog Cerberus is a real pain in the ass namely because that’s where he always bites me” – Saturn/Cronus said half in Latin and half in Greek) but Ares was welcome to take the portal to Kim Jong-un and see what he could do with it on the promise that once Kim Jong-un had invaded and conquered America, he would then invade and conquer the Realm of Hades and release him the Tartarus imprisoned Saturn/Cronus (for the Titan had it on good authority that the United States of America was the gateway to Hell on Earth).
“How will I be able to carry this portal?” Ares asked Saturn looking at the large astral laser holographic rotating tunnel.
Saturn/Cronus started singing a Latin and Greek version of that old Jim Croce song “If I could save time in a bottle…’
The large astral laser holographic rotating tunnel portal then shrank to a very small size.
Saturn then reached for a bottle of The Kraken Black Spiced Rum, took the top off, said in a loud voice “Release the Kraken!” and then proceeded to empty the liquid contents of the bottle down his throat.
Saturn then instructed Ares to put the shrunken rotating portal vortex into the empty bottle and take it back to Kim Jong-un with the following instructions…
Ares told Kim Jong-un that he’d only be able to send a small group of men back in time to the Klondike in the year 1897- a group of 5000 men.
And then once they had secured the area of the spatial/temporal location of the portal, it would be possible to send more men- like Kim’s envisioned 100,000 man army.
The 100,000 man army could then march from the Klondike to Alaska and take it over.
Then board ships heading further south and take over the U.S. mainland.
Thus North Korea would be able to successfully conquer America in the late 1890s and not have to resort to nuclear weapons.
Ares then poured the rotating vortex out of the empty bottle of The Kraken Black Spiced Rum.
The astral laser holographic rotating tunnel portal then expanded to its original size.
Kim Jong-un then called for the leader of the 5000 men who would initially be sent back in time- a man by the name of Sum Yung Fuul.
Sum Yung Fuul was a big fan of the Jack London novels The Call of the Wild and White Fang and would use his knowledge of both books to find his way around the Klondike in that time period once there.
Sum Yung Fuul and his 4,999 men then walked into the rotating vortex singing the North Korean National Anthem which Lord Byron Jennings played on his theremin.
Sum Yung Fuul and his men then arrived in the Klondike on Thursday December 23rd 1897.
December 23rd of course was the last day of the ancient Roman Festival of the Saturnalia (which began on December 17th and ended on December 23rd) and it was for that reason that Saturn had chosen this date for which the rotating portal would land at the height of the Saturnalia festival.
Sum Yung Fuul and his men then walked out from the forest in which they landed and entered Dawson City.
While walking through Dawson City they encountered a blue box in the middle of the main street that said in large letters at the top just below a shining lantern POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX.
“Did they have public pay phone booths in the Klondike in 1897?” A young lieutenant asked Col. Sum Yung Fuul.
“I don’t think so,” Sum Yung Fuul replied.
He hadn’t recalled Jack London mentioning it in his books.
Another young lieutenant was about to say that it looked a lot like the TARDIS from the Doctor Who television series on BBC One but didn’t when he remembered that it was only Kim Jong-un who was allowed to watch decadent Western world TV shows and movies in the Hermit Kingdom.
If he were to open his mouth, he’d be shot by firing squad.
So he didn’t open his mouth.
The men then proceeded into the forest on the other side of Dawson City.
The lieutenant looked at his compass.
“We’ve almost got this spatial/temporal location for the portal secured, sir,” the lieutenant said to Sum Yung Fuul.
Just then a woman appeared in front of them out of nowhere.
The redheaded red dress woman (who was in fact the blonde Steampunk time traveler Serena who had dyed her hair red for this occasion since she’d be dealing with fighters in a Communist army) fired from both of the weapons she carried in her hands.
Like the TARDIS phone booth on Dawson City’s main street which was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside, each weapon that Serena held in her hand contained 100,000 rounds of ammunition each.
She blew all 5000 men away to Hermit Kingdom come.
She then blew into each weapon and put each one back into her side holsters on either side of her sexy red skirt.
The North Korean invasion of America in the late 1890s had been nipped in the bud before it even began.
Meanwhile Donald Trump tweeted,
@realDonaldTrump Just had a vision of a woman named Serena. Lovely lady. I wonder who she is?
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 17th
2017.
Haiku About Godzilla RIP
Haiku About Godzilla RIP
This haiku is written in honour of Japanese actor Haruo Nakajima the man who played Godzilla in the first 12 original Godzilla movies that were made from 1954 to 1972.
Mr. Nakajima died yesterday Monday August 7th at the age of 88.
Haiku About Godzilla RIP
He was Godzilla
the monster whose voice was good
for marshmallow roasts
Pan Goatee Continues To Battle Earth’s Aesthetic Decay
Pan Goatee Continues To Battle Earth’s Aesthetic Decay
Pan Goatee was pissed.
Because the fake news media was continuing to rave about Al Gore’s new movie An Inconvenient Sequel.
Although mercifully the movie bombed at the box office winding up in 15th place.
Of course 2 years ago, Pope Francis had released his papal encyclical on climate change called Laudato Si.
The encyclical Laudato Si quoted a lot from evolutionist Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
“What fools these mortals be,” the genetically created (and possibly immortal satyr serial killer) thought to himself.
Didn’t these apostate Popes and numerous New Agers realize that this Teilhard they admired so much was a racist who hated the Chinese and black Africans?
The real problem facing Earth was not climate change.
It was the decline of earthly aesthetics and beauty caused by the high proportion of ugly looking women on the planet particularly in North America.
Ironically Teilhardianily speaking it was Asia and Africa which still had high proportions of beautiful women while it was North America (where Teilhard had croaked and bit the proverbial paleontological dust back in 1955) which was positively crawling with 2-legged dogs, humanoid cows and flesh encased dirigible blimps.
Recently while going to a burger 🍔 bar to eat a hamburger, two fat humanoid cows walked in front of him.
He promptly cut their heads off with an astral laser machete.
Although the sight of them had already done its damage.
Pan Goatee had lost his appetite for eating a hamburger.
He promptly went to a Japanese sushi bar where the sight of lovely Japanese waitresses inspired him to eat tempura and teriyaki beef.
Then a few days ago he was heading to a juice bar to order his favourite brand of mango and coconut juice when an ugly repulsive looking flesh encased dirigible blimp walked in front of him.
He once again used his astral laser machete and promptly cut the ugly thing’s head off.
Having lost his appetite for mango and coconut juice as a result of the appearance of the Hellish DNA aberration that crossed his path, he went to a bar and downed a dozen whiskeys 🥃.
Then today while he was getting off a subway train, a two legged dog tried to get on in front of him.
The ugly thing with buck teeth and hideous looking glasses was promptly beheaded by Pan Goatee’s astral laser machete.
Then when he was riding a bus later, a woman (and Pan Goatee used that term loosely) who was a hideous combination of 2-legged dog, humanoid cow and flesh encased dirigible blimp was sitting on the sidewalk in front of a bus stop with her hideous elephant sized legs stretching out on to the road.
The ghastly sight caused the poor bus driver to swerve out of control and plunge the bus down a hillside where it crashed and killed everybody on board with the exception of Pan Goatee.
“Well I guess that answers that question about whether or not I’m mortal or immortal,” Pan Goatee thought to himself as he crawled out of a bus window.
He promptly walked uphill to the bus stop where he beheaded the ugly repulsive looking chimera hybrid creature of 2-legged dog, humanoid cow and flesh encased dirigible blimp with one stroke of his astral laser machete.
“And to think Teilhard talks about humanity evolving towards an Omega Point,” Pan seethed, “instead we’re devolving to an inglorious end. And the problem is aesthetic deterioration not climate change.”
But unlike Al Gore’s hypothesis, his (Pan Goatee’s) intellectually formulated observation was the Inconvenient Truth that dare not speak its name.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 7th
2017.
South African Artist SAREJESS and The Sands of Time
South African Artist SAREJESS and The Sands of Time
The great South African artist SAREJESS was dreaming.
He was dreaming he was walking along a very sandy beach.
On the beach was a huge hourglass.
The hourglass looked to be ancient.
The sands had run out.
The upper glass bulb of the hourglass was empty.
While the lower bulb beneath the hourglass’ narrow neck was full of sand.
A huge wave suddenly came in towards the shore and surrounded the hourglass.
Mermaids leapt forth from the waves.
They turned the hourglass over.
So once again the sands of time were flowing through the hourglass.
The waves retreated and the alluringly beautiful mermaids went with them.
And the hourglass was once again on the sandy beach.
For the beach was now completely dry again despite having been hit by the waves carrying the magical mermaids.
And sand flowed down from the upper glass tube (that moments before had been the lower glass tube) through the hourglass’ narrow neck into the new lower glass tube (that prior to the sudden advent of wave and mermaid had been the upper glass tube).
A voice spoke to SAREJESS from beyond the ocean, “Behold the sands of time are flowing once more.”
Then SAREJESS woke up.
He ran to his studio.
This scene he felt compelled to paint. 🎨
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 18th
2017.
To buy a genuine authentic oil painting by the great South African artist SAREJESS for yourself, please visit http://www.sarejess.co.za/
Jack O’ Hare Meets An Asian Irish Leprechaun: A Poem
Everyone’s favourite bunny Jack O’ Hare was out hopping in the early morning dawn
when he spotted that rare beautiful sight- an Asian Irish leprechaun
Is there a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow? Jack asked
recalling his many experiences with leprechauns in the past
Not a pot of gold but a pot of jade said she
which I’ll give you if you come sit upon my knee
Jack did so and felt content
as she rubbed his bunny ears so bent
Would you like a carrot? she asked
as she put down a carrot and a brandy flask
Yes, said Jack, as he took a nibble and a nip
having carrot and brandy together was quite the trip
Well, now, she sat back and smoked her leprechaun pipe, how about a kiss?
Certainly, said Jack, this was a request he didn’t want to miss
for Jack had finally found the land of everlasting bliss.
-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 7th
2017.
The Vampiress Siren: A Poem
I sailed the straits on my ship of old
carrying aboard the king’s own gold
it was there I saw her on the rock amidst the waves
she who had sent many sailors to their graves
Come and taste my lips of cherry she said
licking her lips that had recently bled
I jumped into the sea and swam to the rock
thinking we’d only sit and talk
instead she grabbed me and bit my neck
I turned and saw my ship was a wreck
Said I, there goes my ship
what a way to end a trip
she then sucked my blood and I was dead
because to this vampiress siren- I lost my head.
-A poem written by Christopher
Monday May 29th
2017.
Mermaid Miranda’s Revelation Part 2
“The reason,” Miranda the mermaid looked at Nathan the Controller of the Golem, “that the mermaid goddess Atargatis wants to destroy Israel is because of her daughter Semiramis. Semiramis has formed an alliance with the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who, of course, has always wanted to destroy Israel and the Jews because she claims that the Babylonian Talmud maligned and libeled her good name.”
“Yes, Lilith once poisoned my Scotch whisky with polonium-210 while I was sitting in a London pub,” Nathan recalled, “it was Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher who saved my life with an antidote to polonium-210 that he invented.”
“I heard about that, Nathan,” Miranda looked at him sympathetically.
“But what caused Semiramis to form an alliance with Lilith?” Nathan asked.
“Her first husband Nimrod returned to Earth a few years ago aboard a UFO with a bunch of ET grays,” Miranda explained, “and the ship crashed near Tuktoyaktuk, Canada north of the Arctic Circle. Nimrod’s body was recovered and taken to a secret lab near Washington DC. Lilith stole Nimrod’s body and brought him back to life. Only the magic kiss Lilith used to bring Nimrod back to life went awry and the princely ruler of ancient Babel was turned into a little green frog. He now hangs out between the breasts of Lilith in her low-cut evening dresses.”
“Sounds like Nimrod has become every teen-aged boy’s fantasy come true,” Nathan thought aloud to himself.
“Is it every human teen boy’s fantasy to be like Kermit the Frog?” Miranda looked quizzically at Nathan.
“Um… no,” Nathan shook his head. “so I take it that Semiramis has formed an alliance with Lilith since Nimrod has become (ahem!) so close to Lilith.”
“That is correct,” Miranda nodded.
“And Atargatis in turn has naturally joined in alliance with her daughter Semiramis who’s aligned with Lilith,” Nathan was beginning to see the light.
The morning sun peered through the aquarium lab’s windows.
Meanwhile in Saudi Arabia, U.S. President Donald Trump had arrived with First Lady Melania Trump.
Donald: I didn’t see any mermaids down in the desert sands of Saudi Arabia.
Melania: That’s probably because they’re swimming in the ocean.
Over in London, vampire hunter and MI-6 operative Dracul Van Helsing had received a phone call from Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol.
“Dracul,” Whitstable began, “I’ve been doing some research on the famous 17th Century Jesuit scholar Father Athanasius Kircher. He apparently had in his possession some ancient Greek mechanism that was the equivalent of our analogue computers.It also served as an orrery to predict astronomical positions and eclipses. But according to the diary entry of Father Kircher’s I’ve come across, the mechanism could also be used to locate mermaids. Sadly the mechanism disappeared on the night of Father Kircher’s death.”
“You know what, Peter,” Dracul leafed through the pages of his ancestor Captain Dante Van Helsing’s journal, “I have an idea where that mechanism is now.”
“Where?” Whitstable asked.
“It’s now called the Antikythera Mechanism and it’s to be found in the National Archaeological Museum in Athens, Greece.” Van Helsing answered.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 20th
2017.
