Renfield’s TV Commercial For Enterprise Rent-A-Car

November 22, 2019 at 11:53 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Satire, Science-Fiction, TV Commercials, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s TV Commercial For Enterprise Rent-A-Car

Tonight’s candidates’ debate in the Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds constituency wasn’t really a formal debate.

It was more of a get to know the candidates’ night in which each candidate talked about their hobbies or their interests outside politics.

When it was Renfield’s turn to speak, he said his hobby was writing TV commercials.

Said Renfield, “I just wrote a commercial for a North American car rental company Enterprise Rent-A-Car which was filmed today and company executives are currently debating whether to air it on television.”

Amadeus Emanon (who was sitting in the audience) groaned.

He had had previous experience watching some of Renfield’s TV commercials.

“And now I would ask the hall technician to play the video,” Renfield grinned, “You’ll get a sneak peak of that TV commercial which will hopefully be shown in North America soon.”

The video played and it showed actor William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk wearing the exact same Starfleet uniform that he probably wore in the original 1960s TV series Star Trek.

Clothes he had very much since outgrown.

“Hi,” said a smiling William Shatner, “I’m Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise speaking to you on behalf of Enterprise Rent-A-Car. I’m filling in for my friend Patrick Warburton the usual Enterprise spokesman who’s come down with acute laryngitis ever since he won first place in a Greta Thunberg voice impersonation contest a few nights ago…”

Amadeus sank lower in his chair.

Captain Kirk walked among the cars at the Enterprise Rent-A-Car lot, “Whenever I visit Earth, I use Enterprise Rent-A-Car to get around.
I’ve been Captain of the Starship Enterprise for over 60 years now and I’ve been using Enterprise Rent-A-Car for almost as long. People keep telling me that I should have retired years ago and the way I no longer fit into this Starfleet uniform, perhaps they’re right. I seem to have gone well beyond middle aged paunch in terms of my weight…”

The button on Captain Kirk’s black pants burst and he’s forced to use one of his hands to hold it up.

“Yesterday I rented a car from Enterprise Rent-A-Car to drive to Ottawa where I received the Order of Canada from Canada’s Governor-General at Rideau Hall in Ottawa. Then I rented another car from Enterprise this morning to drive to Washington DC to meet with Donald Trump and tell him that the planet Xenuthalu had concluded its investigation and found no evidence of wrongdoing by Joe Biden or his son Hunter. So Trump, although disappointed, gave the order to no longer hold up nuclear arms sales to the planet. The missiles are now well on their way…”

Kirk looks at his Starship Enterprise smart phone, “Oh-oh. I just got a text message from Mr. Spock saying that the planet Xenuthalu has just signed an alliance treaty with the Klingons.”

Kirk drops the smart phone and bends over to pick it up.

A loud ripping sound from the back of his pants can be heard.

Kirk speaking into his smart phone communicator, “Quick. Beam me up, Scotty.”

Kirk is quickly beamed up just as the Rev. Pat Robertson gets out of one of the Enterprise vehicles.

Says Rev. Robertson, “Oh my God. The Rapture has just occurred. Why am I still here?”.

Robertson in a panic screams, “Why am I still here? You forgot about me, Lord. You forgot about me. Your most important, noble and humble servant you’ve left behind. You’ve forgot about me, Lord. You’ve forgot about me.”

Robertson continues to scream, “You forgot about me, Lord. You forgot about me” as the ad announcer says, “Enterprise Rent-A-Car. Choose your vehicle. Choose your destination.”

The commercial was a hit with Tewkesbury voters.

Not so much with Enterprise corporate executives in America.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 22nd
2019.

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The Disembodied Head At CERN

November 16, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Horror, Science-Fiction, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

The Disembodied Head At CERN

Inside the CERN Large Hadron collider, scientists watched in horror as the disembodied head of a silver haired Jesuit priest with a hook nose floated in mid-air on their screens (showing the tunnel) in their computer room.

The head which was surrounded by roaring flames suddenly opened its mouth and an enormous black raven flew out of the mouth and attacked one of the scientists pecking out both of the scientist’s eyes.

“Well, I guess you won’t have to worry about keeping your appointment with your optometrist next week,” the scientist (next to the screaming individual with no eyes) remarked.

The head opened its mouth again and a giant black cat emerged and ripped the heart out of the scientist who made the remark about the appointment.

The Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl appeared and ate the heart.

“Does this mean we’ve finally been successful at opening the door to another dimension?” A scientist (who had not yet been attacked by objects jumping out of the disembodied head’s mouth) commented.

The disembodied priest’s head once more opened its mouth and a fierce looking red dragon flew out.

The dragon turned into a beautiful exotic looking woman who ate the other dimension seeking scientist with her teeth.

The 4th (and sole remaining) scientist in the room thought he better get to Hell out of there.

Before he did so, he took some photos of the disembodied priest’s head with his smart phone.

He left the room locking it behind him.

The room burst into flames with a fiery breath from the disembodied Jesuit priest’s mouth.

Later at home, the last survivor of the evening shift quartet at that particular lab at CERN used the facial recognition app on his computer to try to identify who the disembodied head of the silver haired Jesuit priest with the hook nose belonged to.

He discovered the disembodied head belonged to Pierre Teilhard de Chardin a French Jesuit priest and paleontologist noted for being involved in discovering Piltdown Man (later acknowledged as an evolutionary hoax) and Peking Man (whose bones became lost during World War II and quite conveniently after other evolutionary scientists besides Teilhard and his associates expressed interest in examining them).

Teilhard was also responsible for formulating the ideas of the Omega Point and Noosphere.

The Jesuit priest died on Easter Sunday 1955 in New York City.

Teilhard’s theological teachings were often cited by Pope Francis in his 2015 encyclical Laudato si.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Saturday November 16th
2019.

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Guns and The Music of The Night

August 12, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural) (, , , , )

Guns and The Music of The Night

Cosmos is truly a cosmic word
It means the whole created order 
Cosmos therefore means much more than universe
Cosmos could mean there are multiverses

In C.S. Lewis’ Narnia books, he talked of a planet where a plethora of worlds grew as trees 
Lewis was truly a visionary 
In his book That Hideous Strength 
He foresaw the rise of Transhumanist science that would occur 50 years later
And as breakthroughs in physics happen day by day 
Which seem to indicate that there are multiverses 
Lewis foresaw that too

And so in another time and another place 
In a multiverse far away
Carmen Rouge stood at the window of an early 20th Century Paris

A Paris under siege by the Kaiser’s forces 
And not stuck in the trenches of northern France during the First World War as happened in our universe

Outside the window was Carmen Rouge’s steampunk artillery gun 
Ready to bring down German aeroplanes and airships

On her small table in front of the window 
Was the candelabra her father carried 
In the depths of the Paris Opera House
Attached to the stand of the candelabra was the mask he wore 
Next to the candelabra was an old phonograph that played her father’s voice 
Her father singing to her mother,
“Softly, deftly, music shall caress you,
hear it, fear it, secretly possess you…
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight 
The darkness of the music of the night”.

For Carmen Rouge is the daughter of Christine Daae and Erik
The Phantom of the Opera

And so around this particular window
In a Paris apartment 
In another Paris
In another universe 
You have both guns
And the music of the night 

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday August 12th
2019.

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Cthulhu’s Cardinal and A Welsh Werewolf On Saint David’s Day

March 1, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The February 1928 issue of Weird Tales in which H.P. Lovecraft’s character of Cthulhu is first introduced to the world in the short story “The Call of Cthulhu”.

Since Samhain Cardinal Salaman’s official episcopal title (bestowed on him by Pope Francis) was the Archbishop of the Welsh Diocese of Llanthony Abbey and the Black Mountains (a diocese officially created for the kabbalistic magic practicing former professional stage magician by Pope Francis), the Kabbalistic Cardinal said a Mass in commemoration of Saint David since Saint David is the Patron Saint of Wales and today March 1st was Saint David’s Day.

After saying Mass and having a breakfast of Welsh rarebit that frightened off the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre’s painted egg laying rabbit Vincent Van Yolk because he thought the cardinal said “Welsh rabbit”, Cardinal Salaman had coffee with the Zeus and Apollo worshipping Cardinal JM (As the Cardinal was known by his initials being the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service).

Salaman informed JM that the gypsy vampiress and resident Vatican tarot card reader Stephania Borgia had prophecied that he, Samhain Cardinal Salaman, would become the next Pope if he could convince Francis to elevate a Welsh werewolf to the Cardinalate.

This would of course entail Salaman to visit his diocese in Wales in hopes of finding himself a Welsh werewolf.

The problem was since Francis had already artificially created a new diocese in Wales to make Cardinal Salaman an Archbishop, where would this new Welsh werewolf (if he could find one) Cardinal have his diocese?

Cardinal JM laughed and said, “No problem. Pope Francis has already named a committee to see if it’s possible to canonize H.P. Lovecraft’s character of Cthulhu a Cathoic Saint since the Holy Father feels that naming the hundreds of meters tall octopus, dragon and giant human hybrid Great Old One malevolent deity who came down from the dark stars a Catholic Saint would constitute a huge breakthrough in ecumenism and inter-faith dialogue.”


Cthulhu: Will he be proclaimed a Catholic Saint by Pope Francis?

“Well, it probably would constitute that,” Cardinal Salaman had to admit, “but how will that help me out?”.

“Well, His Holiness is thinking of declaring the lost South Pacific City of R’lyeh (close to that ocean’s Nemo point) where Cthulhu and his other vast loathsome shaped entity Great Old Ones reside hidden in green slimy vaults in the nighmare corpse city beneath the sea a Catholic Archdiocese which will of course require an Archbishop.”

“My problem is solved,” Salaman smiled as he threw the tarot card of Death down on the table.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron was being briefed by the Australian-French head of the French Intelligence Service Inspector Jocko Clouseau that the right-wing populist government of Italy was plotting his overthrow.

“How do they plan to do this?” Macron asked as he ate his French toast that had been prepared in the shape of a cougar.

“They’ve formed an alliance with a Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI who is intent on restoring the Bonapartist Empire to France with himself as Emperor,” Clouseau read aloud from his ketchup and gravy covered notes, “This Kraken used to be the Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus who, after he was diagnosed with an incurable fatal disease, uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg Octopus- part living octopus and part robot. The self-proclaimed Napoleon VI later met and married the immortal Medusa who was the Gorgon of Greek mythological fame. Medusa is now a good looking and sexy woman again thanks to a radical haircut that removed her snakes that was administered by the famous British scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robot barber Edward Scissorhands the 2nd.”

“Did you say that this Medusa was a sexy and good looking woman again?” Macron was down to his third last piece of cougar toast.

“That is correct,” Clouseau pulled a cheeseburger out of his coat pocket and started eating it.

“Being immortal, she’s probably a lot older than I am,” Macron reflected as he was down to his second last piece of cougar toast.

“Undoubtedly,” Clouseau added a pinch of garlic to his cheeseburger.

“I’d like to meet her,” Macron wiped his mouth with a napkin after finishing his last piece of cougar.

. . .


Medusa was once again a sexy looking woman.

. . .


Celebrating Saint David’s Night at her home in Wales was the Welsh vampiress MP Morgana.

The Welsh vampiress Morgana was about to celebrate Saint David’s Night in Wales with the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Minutes later at a Bed and Breakfast down the street, her former political opponent in the last British general election the former Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was awakened by the resulting tantric sex earthquake.

The former MP now turned Private Eye (who was also a werewolf) longed for a silver bullet so he could get some sleep.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 1st
2019.

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Amadeus’ Song: A Distant Mirror Reflects

January 9, 2019 at 11:19 pm (Arts, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, International Intrigue, Music, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Singer Amadeus Emanon was in the recording studio of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. on London’s Abbey Road.

His producer Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell gave him the thumbs up.

Amadeus started to sing,

In Beverly Hills, you never grow old
your body uses science to take on a new glow
Life eternal is now in a pill

On those nights when the moon rises high
and stardust mixes with water and wine
what was blood to the Son of Man falls on dry barren ground

This is the new Hollywood
replacing that holy wood of long ago
Golgotha’s hill gives way to the hills of Beverly

And now a new god beckons me from behind that silver screen
offering me love, sex and immortality
it’s all so thrilling and so new
All I have to do is give my soul away
And watch the light from blood red moon
signal the start of a brand new day
Amazon and Google like John the Baptist lead the way
5G flows into my brain like San Francisco’s golden rain
Circuitry and arteries have now fused and merged into one

The flashes of light and the deity in sight
They burst all around like galaxies abound
The celestial mass divides again and again
DNA has never been this way
Our being is changed in the twinkling of an eye
And we can do it all without that Carpenter guy

And so I’ve taken the Mark
My life is one with android electrical spark
I’ve changed this flesh for a mechanical heart
one that will forever beat even without love
I know I will live forever and never ever die
That fruit of tree in Garden is so yesterday
far too earthy and natural
nothing like today
when science and high tech have shown us the way

The lights of Metropolis of yesterday
have given way to Metropolis’ lights today
What was there on the screen of ’20s German Expressionist film
has come to pass with Transhumanist technocracy know-how
Lovecraft saw the Great Old Ones coming back
but not the shiny new gadgets they carried in their sack
They have offered us all the kingdoms of this world
gold, precious jewels and all diverse manners of pearl
and have offered us immortality to boot
We have now become the gods
And the food of the gods?
Our own souls
that we eat daily.
Amen and amen.

Heathcliff Dioynsus Campbell nodded that was a rap.

Amadeus took off his headphones and in his mind’s eye, saw a distant mirror.

To the Hollywood of the early 1940s when Carson Cody Albion Private Eye was offered immortality with a divinely human touch from the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis:

The flesh was weak back then.

But, Amadeus reflected, thanks to advances in science and technology, the spirit itself has become weak.

And all of us are now ready to betray the Son of Man without so much as a kiss.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 9th
2018.

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Reblog of The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

December 17, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year and a half ago.

Dracul Van Helsing

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis…

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Time Travelers, Soviet Assassins and Darkness Falls On Santa Lucia’s Night

December 13, 2018 at 11:55 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )


Serena a time traveler (from the future) and the mortal fiancee of the wealthy ancient Egyptian vampire Set typing up an Ernest Hemingway manuscript for the Church Times

Serena would soon be marrying her love the wealthy Egyptian vampire Sol Invictus Set.

Tomorrow Set would be showing Serena the mansion he had bought the both of them.

In the meantime, Serena was typing up a manuscript for Ernest Hemingway (whom she had met in Paris earlier this year)- a freelance article that Hemingway was submitting to the Church Times newspaper in London.

Hemingway had recently met a member of the White Russian community in Harbin, China who had recently moved to Paris.

The White Russian emigre claimed to have met Charles Sydney Gibbes the Englishman who served as English language tutor to the children of Russia’s last Czar Nicholas II from 1908 to 1918 including accompanying the Imperial Family into exile at Tobolsk in Siberia.

In May 1918, Nicholas II had told Gibbes before the Imperial Family was moved on the Bolshevik regime’s orders to Ipatiev House in Yekatirinbug that he had personally come to believe in the appearance of the Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of Jesus to three shepherd children at Fatima, Portugal the year before and had prophecied correctly about evil diabolic errors arising in Russia that would spread throughout the world unless Russia was consecrated to Her Immaculate Heart by the Bishop of Rome acting in concert with all the bishops of the world.

“Would that include all the bishops of the Catholic, Eastern Orthodox and Oriental Orthodox Churches together?” Serena wondered as she read Hemingway’s own hastily typed and much in need of correction of typos original manuscript.

Hemingway’s source did not say.

What was said was that Nicholas II had told Gibbes that both him and his family would be murdered by the Bolsheviks as revealed in a dream to him.

As such, Nicholas II had told Gibbes that he was writing a letter and he would be putting this letter in a small metal chest sealed shut and marked with the Romanov double headed phoenix insignia and Gibbes must return to England with the sealed chest and put it in the Oxford University archives with the instructions that it must be opened and read on the exact date of the 100th anniversary of their deaths by whoever was the heir to the Romanov Russian Imperial throne in the year 2018.

Hemingway had asked Serena in a note he wrote her to go to Oxford and check if the chest with the letter inside was ever deposited in the University archives.

“You look lovely, my dear,” Sol Invictus Set said as he gazed at his fiancee.

Serena looked back at him and crossed her legs as she sat at the typewriter.

Meanwhile in a dance hall not far away, the Egyptian goddess Sekhmet was performing.

Watching her perform was the Egyptian god Anubis the son of Set.

Anubis had betrayed the location of Set’s new mansion to Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky who had been ordered by Josef Stalin to kill Set.

Terovsky would be on scene when Sol Invictus Set showed Serena the mansion tomorrow.

Anubis’ betrayal of his father Set was vengeance on Set for betraying his mother and Set’s first wife Nepthys.

Set totally oblivious to family betrayal by his offspring and the intrigue and machinations of the Soviet emerging Stalinist state.

Several years after these events, British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to attend the opening of the Gibbes box in the Oxford University Archives by the Romanov heir to the Russian Imperial Throne on the evening of July 16th/17th 2018.

And the ghost of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin (granted dispensational leave from Tartarus by Hades the god of the Underworld) was now advising Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

Meanwhile the fierce ghost rider Muerte Noir (who might just possibly be one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse) was riding his horse Equus Beelzebar out of his haunts in the American Wild West and heading straight towards a church in Sweden.

The girl who was playing Saint Lucy in the church candlelight procession in Saint Lucia’s Church in this small Swedish village on the night of Santa Lucia’s Day was unaware that she was going to come face to face with terror (in the form of a dark rider on a dark horse) after the service.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 13th
2018.

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Renfield On Kerch, Crimea and The Sea of Azov: Let’s Get This Strait

November 26, 2018 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was currently consulting with the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles and the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Hukulak to lead a commando raid of British Army Gurkhas on the Russian Navy at the Strait of Kerch to rescue two Ukrainian Navy gunboats The Nikopol and The Berdyansk and a Ukrainian Navy tug and 30 Ukrainian sailors who were seized by the Russian Navy yesterday,

In Kiev, Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko declared martial law in Ukraine for 30 days in order to put the country on a full war footing.

Donald Trump as usual was busy dithering and tweeting about “immigrants on the U.S-Mexico border” in the midst of yet another major international crisis.

He was also trying to make up in his own mind who was the nicer guy- Russian President Vladimir Putin or Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

On November 25th, Russian Spetznatz commandos of the Russian Navy seized the Ukrainian gunboats and the tug wounding half a dozen Ukrainian Navy sailors in the process.

Russia had used a Russian ship under the recently completed Kerch Bridge to illegally block passage to Ukrainian ships seeking to enter the Strait to access the Sea of Azov.

The Ukrainian Navy vessels had gone to ask the ship to stop blocking the entrance when they were fired upon by Russian Navy ships and then deliberately rammed.

Renfield and the Gurkas would be sailing on the Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed submarine The Amphitrite II to the Kerch Strait to rescue the Ukrainian Navy ships and sailors.

The Amphitrite II was invisible to both radar and sonar.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s original submarine of this design The Amphitrite I and its crew disappeared on its maiden test.

Although a computer at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor had picked up the fact that The Amphitrite I had wound up at the U.S. Navy shipyard in Philadelphia on October 28th 1943 where it slammed into the U.S. Navy destroyer escort The USS Eldridge.

The meeting between the four in Renfield’s office came to an end when the ghost of Orson Welles received an emergency Hermes transmitted telegram from the ghost of Nikola Tesla in the underworld realm of Hades.

Meanwhile outside the Westminster Houses of Parliament, the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was waiting to assassinate Renfield.

It was while she waited for Renfield on the park bench that Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing spotted her.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 26th
2018.

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Labour Disruption and Strike At Set Enterprises

November 24, 2018 at 11:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Last night, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on his way to the Set Enterprises laboratory to receive a vision from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster that was intended for his eyes only.

However due to a traffic delay caused by an extremely idiotic driver and the subsequent shooting of that extremely idiotic driver, Renfield was late getting to the Set Enterprises laboratory.

The site was now called Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium (as Renfield’s former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had now gone into business with the Persian goddess Anahita to sell Persian rugs together).

They had hired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria (who had first met and made out in a police interrogation room at Scotland Yard) to demonstrate how easy it was to hold tantric sex couplings on Persian rugs thus increasing the popularity of sales.

However once Renfield got to the Laboratory and Rug Emporium, the union of Persian rug employees and workers were now on strike after smoking and inhaling Canadian recreational cannabis that had been smuggled aboard a Canadian Federal Government commissioned Air Canada flight from Ottawa to London.

The rug emporium employees were now on strike demanding higher wages so they could buy higher doses of cannabis laced products so they could go on higher trips.

Their picket lines were now surrounding the Set Enterprises building and they weren’t letting anybody in.

Renfield decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to reach under his raincoat and grab his semi-automatic weapon and blow the whole lot of them to kingdom come for two reasons:

Firstly, any tourists present might think they were no longer in London but some locale in the United States and Trump would soon be tweeting his thoughts and prayers to them while not standing up to the narcissistic jackals and jackasses in the NRA who were against any form of gun control (save for a brief period in the 1960s when it became apparent that members of the Black Panthers were buying large amounts of weapons and the NRA were screaming for the government to do something and impose some form of government control over gun purchases but the memory of that brief period the current NRA leadership and membership sought to erase from most History textbooks).

Secondly, Renfield did not want to alienate any potential British Labour Party voter who might be inclined to vote for his British Transhumanist Party (Renfieldian Transhumanism was not your Ray Kurzweil Google brand of Transhumanism or Jeff Bezos Amazon brand of Transhumanism but as the ghost of the late Prague Spring of 1968 Czechoslovakian leader Alexander Dubcek called it, “Transhumanism with a human face.”).

Since the striking rug employees were higher than a kite, Renfield used his new Dr. Cadbury Rocher Cosmos brand Smart Phone to put in a call to the Niburuan ET gray Gali-Gula.

The ET gray Gali-Gula arrived in his UFO Flying Saucer and walked out to speak to the striking workers.

In the platinum plated metallic iron gloves on his hands he carried the marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever.

Strawberry Fields Forever’s normal habitat was the greenhouse of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in Ottawa where the Prime Minister (who had picked up the Prince of Wales’ habit of talking to plants) would go and chat with the cannabis pot smoking cactus plant and inhale the plant’s exhaled smoke as he did so.

Then Justin could truthfully tell the Canadian news media that his lips never touched a marijuana cigarette.

Renfield looked at his watch.

He was late for a hot tub appointment with some of Japan’s top female porn stars who were currently visiting Britain.

Renfield decided he’d leave it to the Niburuan mediator the ET gray Gali-Gula to end the strike.

Michelangelo’s vision for Renfield’s eyes only would have to wait for another day.

His vision of Japanese lady porn stars in a hot tub for his eyes only were far more important.

He left.

The ET gray Gali-Gula told the crowd that his ET gray body was in fact possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula and they could only see him if they inhaled pot smoke.

The crowd was not impressed and still refused to swear off pot smoking.

Gali-Gula said, “I’ll show you the hazards of excessive pot smoking and inhalation.”

He once again picked up the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever in his platinum plated metallic iron gloved hands.

“Show them the aftereffects of excessive pot smoking and inhalation,” Gali-Gula addressed Strawberry Fields Forever.

The pot smoking cactus plant then started hiccoughing and sneezing cactus needles in the strikers’ direction.

The strikers still refused to swear off pot smoking.

“Desperate times require desperate measures,” Gali-Gula did his best voice impersonation of Sir Winston Churchill while speaking to Strawberry Fields Forever.

“And now for something completely different,” Gali-Gula spoke to the crowd while impersonating the voice of the Monty Python TV show announcer, “And far more drastic. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau doing a naked phallic impersonation of Donald Trump.”

Justin Trudeau had ingested Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed Reverse Viagra tablets a few hours before so his phallus would be the right size for doing a Donald Trump impersonation.

The holographic image of Justin Trudeau doing a Donald Trump phallic impersonation was astral projected from Ottawa to London.

He had a special guest to help him in his performance.

The image of a naked Justin Trudeau doing a Donald Trump phallic impersonation and doing a lap dance in the naked lap of a totally nude possible future House speaker Nancy Pelosi was an image far too horrifying for even an H.P. Lovecraft to conceive.

It was also an image far too horrifying for the striking employees of Set Enterprises Rug Emporium to receive.

They swore off pot smoking and cannabis inhalation for life.

The strike ended.

Gali-Gula had saved the day and the night.

And PTSD therapists would be receiving a multitude of clients the next day.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 24th
2018.

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Russia’s GRU Chief Dead- Who Is Responsible?

November 22, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Donald Trump was being briefed by the CIA while sitting in his briefs (and looking at photos of Shakira for nobody had bothered telling the Twitterer-In-Chief that she was in fact Colombian) on the death of Russia’s GRU (Military Intelligence Directorate) head Colonel General Igor Korobov.

“So he died from a long illness?” Trump asked.

“Well so the Russian media would have us believe,” said CIA agent and cyborg operative George Akirason as he cleared his throat of both phlegm and nanites, “but in fact Korobov only started feeling unwell back in mid-September after having received a severe reprimand from President Vladimir Putin.”

“And what brought about this reprimand?” Trump asked as he combed both seaweed and Black Sea caviar out of his toupee.

“Because Putin got what he thought was a welcome (but she turned out to be unwelcome) visitor in his bedroom one night,” George Akirason coughed a mixture of both phlegm and nanites into his Stormy Daniels photo emblazoned handkerchief, “a sensuous and lovely Kazakh Dragon Sister but she had a poison ivy laced dildo with her which she proceeded to shove up the Russian leader’s anus. She then stapled a note to Putin’s phallus which had on it a message that said, “You’ll never guess what’s going to happen next.” And the message was signed “R.R.R.” The GRU then conducted raids on the Kazakh Dragon Sister’s Moscow apartment but she had fled back to unknown locales in Kazakhstan. Howver the apartment contained several autographed posters of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”

“Renfield R. Renfield?” The hair in Trump’s toupee stood on end 😨, “That man gives me nightmares for some reason.”

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was receiving a briefing from a leather skirted female dominatrix Malaysian agent for the German Federal Intelligence Service.

Chancellor Merkel was astounded by how much the woman looked like world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

The woman whose secret agent code name was Magic Mushrooms and Killer Tomatoes spoke, “Contrary to what the media is saying, Colonel General Igor Korobov did not die from his illness. He was found face down in his bathroom with both his pants and Rasputin photo emblazoned boxer shorts pulled down and a 20 pound giant banana (with the words THE MAPLE LEAF AND CANNABIS PLANT FOREVER written on it) shoved up his behind. The trauma of the impact was what killed him. A well known Kazakh Dragon Sister assassin was seen leaving his place.”

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in his parliamentary office drinking brandy and smoking cigars with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“Well,” Renfield raised his glass in a toast, “another successful operation planned by the once and future Prime Ministers of Great Britain. And executed by our beloved Kazakh Dragon Sister secret operative.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 22nd
2018.

A Kazakh Dragon Sister with a love for all things British.

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