Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

January 17, 2018 at 8:38 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Movies, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and Janitorial Reflections On Alfred Hitchcock and Nanotechnology

“This looks like a job for Pan Goatee,” the satyr serial killer said as he removed his machete from his belt and decapitated a whole bunch of ugly women who were riding the bus.

Once again transit system janitors would be working overnight washing the floor and removing the blood.

“Nobody seems to murder anyone in motel room showers anymore,” one janitor complained to another.

“No, ever since Alfred Hitchcock shot that masterful scene in black and white with Janet Leigh, most psychos seem to have been afraid to murder a woman in the shower ever since,” a janitor refilled his bucket with Spic and Span.

“At least the IQ level of psychos is going up,” the other janitor filled his bucket up with Mr. Clean, “must be the influence of breakthroughs in nanotechnology and other Transhumanistically inclined sciences. At least these psychopaths are now starting to kill ugly looking women instead of good looking women like Janet Leigh.”

“The gene pool is certainly on the rise as far as psychotic killers are concerned,” the other janitor had to admit.

Next morning the bus was sparkling clean.

Ready for another day of public transit.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 17th
2018.

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ET Reptilians Threaten Revenge

December 19, 2017 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Radio, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

ET Reptilians Threaten Revenge

The 80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer Jonas Watson was once again rocking in his rocking chair.

When the old vintage 1934 antique St. Regis Gothic Cathedral Radio (that had belonged to his father) once again came to life and turned on by itself as it had last week when ETs had announced their arrival on this radio’s frequency.

This time an ET voice complained about how one of their reptilian comrades had been bitten and slain by a poison injecting fluffy little white earthling bunny rabbit.

The reptilian leader said that the brother of the slain reptilian had a message he’d like to give planet Earth.

The slain reptilian’s brother then spoke in a voice that sounded very much like that of Looney Tunes cartoon character Elmer Fudd, “I’m going to get that cwazy wabbit.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 19th
2017.

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The Rabbit Who Saved Planet Earth

December 18, 2017 at 8:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Rabbit Who Saved Planet Earth

Amadeus Emanon was down at the Set Enterprises lab.

He was eating a corned beef sandwich.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher entered the room.

“Well, well,” said Dr. Cadbury Rocher, “you’re the second person I’ve seen in the past few days who’s been eating a corned beef sandwich.”

“Who was the first?” Amadeus asked.

“The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem,” Dr. Rocher replied, “I saw him eating a corned beef sandwich in Jerusalem.”

“What were you doing in Jerusalem?” Amadeus put some more mustard on his corned beef.

“Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of an ET reptilian landing on the Temple Mount,” Dr. Rocher answered, “a vision that turned out to be correct. So I was in Jerusalem conducting an experiment.”

“An experiment?” Amadeus looked curious.

Just then a cute looking little white Angora rabbit with big pink eyes entered the lab and went over to a dish with carrots 🥕 and started eating them.

“Hello, Fluffykins,” Amadeus addressed the rabbit by name.

Fluffykins lifted up her ears, gazed at Amadeus and went back to eating her carrots.

“Yes, it was an experiment involving Fluffykins,” Dr. Rocher explained, “The past few years various world governments have approached me about the increasing number of ET reptilian landings on the planet. They were wondering if there was any way reptilians can be destroyed. So using my ingenuity and my imagination, I genetically created a rabbit capable of giving a poisonous bite to a reptilian ET that kills them instantly. That rabbit is Fluffykins. I took her to Jerusalem and she passed the test with flying colours. The reptilian is dead with its skin being sold to a merchant in China who will make faux alligator skin handbags 👜 and faux alligator skin boots out of it.”

“What made you decide on using a rabbit to deliver this poisonous bite rather than say a snake or scorpion?” Amadeus asked.

“Because rabbits are so darned cute,” Dr. Rocher smiled as little Fluffykins hopped around the lab, “no mean nasty vicious reptilian would ever dream that such an adorably cute little creature would be capable of delivering a poisonous bite that would kill them instantly.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 18th
2017.

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Renfield Proposes A New Snowman

December 15, 2017 at 9:01 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Fantasy, Folklore, Humour, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Renfield Proposes A New Snowman ⛄️

MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a conversation with Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher about an idea he had.

“And what is this idea, Renfield?” Dr. Rocher asked.

“I think you should build a snowman who doesn’t melt,” Renfield smiled.

“A snowman that doesn’t melt?” Dr. Rocher was astounded.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded as he opened his lunchbox and discovered that his ice cream 🍦 cone had melted.

“And what brought this on?” Dr. Rocher asked as Renfield started licking up the melted ice cream.

“Well, I was reading this short story about an evil snowman who wanted to kill people but the only trouble was he couldn’t move being a snowman without access to Frosty’s magic hat 🎩. Then some bratty kid made a nasty remark about him and the snowman couldn’t kill the brat and the snowman ended up melting instead. Anyhow I felt great sympathy for the snowman seeing as how I hate bratty kids myself. I thought it would be nice if the snowman could move and also that he couldn’t melt and then we’d have a lot less bratty kids in the world,” Renfield grinned as melted ice cream dripped from his nose.

“So you want me to create a snowman that not only can’t melt but has the ability to move as well,” Dr. Rocher said as he de-thawed his frozen salmon in the microwave.

“Exactly,” Renfield bit into a tuna fish 🐟 sandwich, “if any man can do it, you can.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 15th
2017.

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Radio Contact: Close Encounters of The Vintage Kind

December 12, 2017 at 9:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Radio, Science, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Radio Contact: Close Encounters of The Vintage Kind

It is the first known asteroid to visit our solar system from interstellar space.

Scientists who have studied its speed and trajectory believe it originated in a planetary system around another star.

The object has a strange elongated shape making it look like a cigar.

Reminding one of that little known story from Classical Greek mythology where the Greek god Zeus sailing in his chariot across the heavens asked in Bill Clintonesque fashion, “Did anyone see where I put my cigar?”.

The object is travelling extremely fast with enough speed to avoid being captured by our Sun’s gravitational pull and is on a very eccentric trajectory eventually taking it out of our solar system.

The object is at least 400 metres long.

And it is 10 times longer than it is wide.

That ratio makes it more extreme than any asteroid or comet observed in our solar system.

The object rotates rapidly and is subject to dramatic changes in brightness.

Although believed to have formed around another star, scientists think it has been wandering across the Milky Way unattached to any star system for hundreds of millions of years before its chance encounter with our solar system.

The object has been given the name Oumuamua which means “a messenger from afar arriving first” in the native Hawaiian language.

The name reflects the object being discovered by a Hawaii-based astronomer at an observatory in Maui.

It was discovered on October 19th this year by Rob Weryk a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Hawaii Institute For Astronomy.

The discovery was made at the Pan-Starrs1 Observatory on Maui’s Haleakala volcano.

On the off chance that this first known interstellar asteroid in our solar system might have alien 👽 technology on it, an initiative backed by Russian billionaire entrepreneur venture capitalist and physicist Yuri Milner will use a radio telescope to listen for signals from it.

The team’s efforts will begin tomorrow with astronomers observing the asteroid across four different radio frequency bands.

. . .

80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer Jonas Watson was in excellent physical health.

He still owned and ran his large farmstead in central Saskatchewan.

An excellent mechanic, he still repaired his own farm machinery.

A lot of it was more than 40 or 50 years old but was still in excellent shape due to Watson’s caring hand.

Watson also repaired old clocks and watches as well as old TVs.

Sadly the only object that Jonas was unable to repair was the old classic vintage 1934 antique St. Regis Gothic Cathedral Radio that was made by ExceptionalRadios.

The radio had belonged to his father who had bought it in the year that it was made.

Try as he might, even Jonas, with all his skill and technical know how, was unable to get it working again.

Still the old radio was lovingly kept on a mantelpiece above the old fireplace in the farmhouse living room for all to see.

Jonas had not touched or worked on the radio in months.

Yet tonight on this evening of December 12th 2017 (the first evening of Hanukkah 2017) the radio suddenly came to life and turned on by itself as Jonas rocked in his rocking chair.

Jonas could hear a crackle coming from the radio speaker and then a rather peculiar electronic sounding voice saying, “We have arrived. Attention. We have arrived. And we are the first among many.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 12th
2017.

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Gali-Gula Teleprompts A Justin Trudeau Speech

October 9, 2017 at 8:39 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Gali-Gula Teleprompts A Justin Trudeau Speech

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was about to give a speech to a Toronto media club (for the Toronto media loved Prime Minister Pothead Selfie 🤳 Socks as more intelligent people called him- in fact it was the Toronto media’s ultimate objective in life to be able to have their lips 👄 surgically attached to Justin’s buttocks so they could forever be kissing his ass).

As Trudeau waited behind the curtains to walk out on to the stage, the Niburuan ET gray Gali-Gula (who was possessed by the ghost of the ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) appeared to him.

“What are you doing here?” Justin’s jaw dropped along with his underwear, “I’m only supposed to see you if I’ve been inhaling pot.”

“And what do you think that aging hippy anti-Vietnam war protestor veteran you’ve been talking to the past half hour was smoking, you moron?” Gali-Gula asked.

“Oh, shit,” Justin gulped.

“Pot actually,” the ET gray corrected the Prime Ministerial bozo.

“How can I give a speech if you’re here?” Justin was flustered 😩, “I’ll lose my concentration.”

“I’ll help you,” Gali-Gula smiled, “I’ll act as your teleprompter.”

Justin went out to face the media and the music.

“On the issue of the Energy East pipeline…” Justin paused.

Gali-Gula teleprompted, “The people of Western Canada and the province of Alberta in particular can go fuck themselves for the sake of national unity. Everyone knows the Ottawa government revolves around the master race province of Quebec.”

Trudeau repeated the words verbatim then gulped.

“You know that’s what you’re really thinking,” Gali-Gula smiled at him.

“On the issue of tax reform that my Finance Minister Bill Morneau and myself are bringing forth…” Trudeau again paused.

Gali-Gula teleprompted, “We’re going to completely wipe out the middle class in this country. As you know, historically speaking, Communist revolutions are most successful in societies where there is no middle class present. Why are we doing this? Because it’s 2017. It’s the 100th Anniversary of the Russian Bolshevik Revolution for Christ’s… I mean… for… Lenin’s sake.”

Trudeau repeated the words verbatim then gulped again.

“The acorn never does fall far from the tree,” Gali-Gula recalled Justin’s Marxist-Leninist sympathizing father Pierre Elliot.

“On the issue of legalizing pot which….” Justin paused again.

“… appears to be the only campaign promise that I’m actually keeping,” Gali-Gula teleprompted, “we’re naturally moving full speed ahead. Why? Because potheads are so stoned and out of their minds, they’ll naturally line up to receive the Mark of the Beast when that great global leader the Antichrist, the Beast, 666 arrives on the world 🌎 scene.”

Trudeau once again repeated the words verbatim and then gulped again.

“That’s probably the first totally honest speech that Justin has given since he first entered politics,” Gali-Gula remarked to a shocked 😳 Prime Ministerial aide who couldn’t see or hear him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 9th
2017.

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An Aztec Vampiress, A London Car Show and The Tesla Particle Death Beam

September 21, 2017 at 3:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in her research on the subject discovered that only the Nikola Tesla Particle Death Beam would be capable of destroying the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc.

And she discovered that the Tesla Particle Death Beam was an accessory on British sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s new self-driving electric car The Rocher Le Pied de Hermes which was now on display at a car show in London, England.

The self-driving Rocher Le Pied de Hermes electric car had been given its first test this past spring (Please read https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/04/04/dr-cadbury-rocher-and-his-incredible-self-driving-car/ for details of how that test went).

Dr. Rocher had drastically improved his self-driving electric car since that disastrous first test.

He had also added a new feature to the Rocher Le Pied de Hermes self-driving electric car at the suggestion of Renfield R. Renfield (now a British Member of Parliament).

Renfield’s suggestion was for what he called a Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button.

And it was this little feature which incorporated the Tesla Particle Death Beam.

If some obnoxious other driver or a car horn pissed off the self-driving electric car’s owner, the owner or even a passenger could push the Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button

The Car Owner’s Road Rage Anger Management Button had arrows surrounding it and depending on which arrowly direction the Road Rage Anger Management Button was pushed, it would fire a Tesla Particle Death Beam either in front, either side of or the back of the vehicle and disintegrate the offending other vehicle and obnoxious driver (to say nothing of the passengers) into sweet oblivion.

Qonzilqointec enlisted the help of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in stealing the Tesla Particle Death Beam off the vehicle at the London car show.
Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec
Qonzilqointec plans to commit Grand Auto Theft with Dracul Van Helsing at the London Car Show

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 21st
2017.

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The Entity/Being In The Painting/From The Painting

August 21, 2017 at 3:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The great South African artist SAREJESS looked at some of the paintings he had painted the past couple of months.

Paintings based on dreams and visions he had had.

A grandfather clock with pendulum surrounded with ancient Egyptian markings.

A large hourglass filled with sand on a sandy beach that was turned over again by mermaids in the surging tide.

A sundial that was able to operate in the moonlight at night in the courtyard of an ancient Egyptian palace.

A lovely blonde working girl in the Wild West who wore a beautiful vintage railway watch on a chain worn down the cleft between her magnificent pair of knockers in a low-cut blouse.

A cuckoo clock that had a cuckoo bird bearing the face of Orson Welles as Harry Lime the Thrid Man coming out of it followed by a cuckoo bird bearing the face of an older looking Orson Welles as an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh coming out of it.

A giant hamster standing atop the clock tower of Big Ben.

A ship of the Greek god Hades sailing on the sea that he painted first and later had a dream about.

Another dream with the clock tower of Big Ben sending out a searchlight signal advertising the 1001 positions of the Kama Sutra. Also in the dream and the painting were the TARDIS phone booth from the Dr. Who TV series and the vintage railway watch on a chain down her knockers wearing blonde Serena (now dyed a redhead) wearing a sexy red dress and standing in the snow with two weapons in her hands blasting away at a group of North Korean Army soldiers.

Now last night SAREJESS had another dream.

What he knew was the final dream.

And the final painting of this particular series of paintings.

He painted a picture of an ancient Egyptian wearing white high priestly robes and carrying a scroll in his right hand.

Only this Egyptian high priestly figure had the head of an African sacred ibis bird rather than a human head.

The ibis headed ancient Egyptian figure was followed by a group of baboons.

In the dream, the baboons (following the figure) could talk and were saying prayers of thanksgiving that they were not red spider monkeys.

In the background was Donald Trump shampooing his hair.

SAREJESS recognized the being/entity that he had just painted- the Egyptian high priestly robed figure with a scroll in his hand and the head of an ibis on his head- Thoth.

Thoth the Egyptian god.

Thoth the god of wisdom, writing, counting and medicine.

Thoth the god of magic.

Thoth the scribe and messenger of the gods.

Thoth the creator of hieroglyphs.

The author of Egypt’s sacred laws.

The recorder of the eternal verdict on a deceased person’s heart.

Thoth the god of intelligence, thought, logic and reason.

Thoth the god of the moon.

In fact in many ancient Egyptian paintings, Thoth was often depicted with a lunar disc over his head.

Thoth was known as “The Heart of Ra”, “The Measurer of Time” and “The Master of the Words of God”.

His silver barque transported the souls of the dead across the night sky.

Thoth, to SAREJESS’ amazement, moved in the painting and boarded his silver barque.

Then Thoth walked straight out of the painting carrying the small silver barque (that SAREJESS had just painted) with him.

A blank figure in the painting now stood where Thoth had just walked out.

Thoth then left SAREJESS’ studio carrying the silver barque with him.

“Tim,” his wife Winnie called to him from the kitchen, “who was that very odd looking gentleman who just walked out of your studio? Is he going to buy a painting?”.

“No, dear, I don’t think so,” SAREJESS answered.

Thoth walked down to the beach at Port Elizabeth still carrying the small silver barque with him.

As soon as Thoth put the barque in the salt waters of the Indian Ocean, it grew to life size.

Thoth then boarded the barque and sailed straight up into the sky.

His lunar disc silver barque then sailed but this time it was not the night sky that Thoth transported the souls of the dead across.

It was the day time sky across America from Lincoln City Oregon down to Charleston South Carolina.

And many people saw the ancient Egyptian moon god Thoth’s total eclipse of the sun.

. . .

As Bonnie Tyler stood in front of a statue of the Egyptian sun god Ra singing the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set awakened in his sarcophagus in London in a sweat (and he hadn’t been down to the gym in millennia).

He motioned for his valet and butler Athelstan to bring him his Hugh Hefner like red velvet smoking jacket and his pipe.

As he sat there smoking, he said quietly, “Thoth has returned. Now many people will start returning from the dead.”

. . .

Now down at the Set Enterprises’ laboratory, Set’s long dead (since 1924) fiancee Serena opened her eyes.

The Time Traveler’s soul had returned to her earthly body.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 21st
2017.

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There’s Grigori and Then There’s Grigori

August 20, 2017 at 7:37 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mystery/horror, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

There’s Grigori and Then There’s Grigori

The Grigori (a Slav transliteration from the Greek egregoroi meaning “Watchers”, “Those who are awake”, “Those who never sleep”, “guards”, “sentinels”) is a term used in connection with Biblical angels.

They were assigned to watch over the Earth but they fell in love with and mated with mortal women giving rise to a race of hybrids known as the Nephilim who are described as giants.

Their exploits are briefly alluded to in Genesis 6:4 and elaborated upon in the Books of Enoch and Jubilees.

. . .

The Tunguska event was a large explosion 💥 that occurred near the Stony Tunguska River in eastern Siberia on the morning of June 30th 1908.

The explosion flattened over 2000 square kilometres of forest 🌳 yet caused no known human casualties.

The explosion is generally attributed to the air burst of a meteor.

It is classified as an impact event (in fact the largest impact event in recorded history) even though no impact crater has ever been found.

The object is believed to have disintegrated at an altitude of 5 to 10 kilometres above the Earth’s surface rather than actually hitting the surface of the Earth 🌏.

And that portion of the Earth’s surface that experienced the wrath of this mysterious object’s impact was the sparsely populated Eastern Siberian Taiga.

Studies have yielded different estimates of the meteor’s size on the order of 60 to 190 metres (200 to 620 feet) depending on whether the body was a comet or denser asteroid.

Since the 1908 event, there have been an estimated 1000 scholarly papers (mostly in Russian) published on the Tunguska explosion.

Of those 1000 odd papers written on the Tunguska explosion, not one took note of the ripple in time that happened on that day.

Of course, there was no reason why any of them should.

For the effects of the impact were thought to be strictly in the air and on the ground.

There was no reason to expect a rupture (no matter how minuscule) in the space/time continuum.

. . .

Part of that mysterious object that exploded went 11 years back in time to the year 1897 and traveled to the Saint Nicholas Monastery at Verkhoturye (the town that at the foot of relatively low middle Ural Mountains is called the Gateway to Siberia from the west).

Contemporary scientists have often speculated whether primitive alien life forms could be brought to earth on meteorites from space.

The answer is possibly.

What about DNA?

Could DNA travel on a meteorite?

And what about the Grigori? The Watchers of old? Angels said to have mated with human women back at the dawn of recorded history? These angels (which were supposed to be originally pure spirit) must have found some way of composing a material body for themselves in order to be able to mate with human women.

Was there such a thing as Grigori DNA then?

Such would be the stuff for highly speculative and extremely creative science papers.

But it so happened that Grigori DNA on an object from space that fell to Earth went through a ripple in time back 11 years to the Saint Nicholas Monastery at Verkhoturye where it struck a visiting peasant pilgrim from the Siberian village of Pokrovskoye- Grigori Rasputin.

As a result of angelic Grigori making contact with human Grigori- the whole world would change forever.

Rasputin would lead to Lenin and the USSR. Which would lead to Stalin and the USSR. Fear of Stalin and the USSR would lead to the middle classes of Germany ensuring the parliamentary victory of a man named Adolf Hitler in the Reichstag.

And so on.

And so on.

All the way forward to a man named Kim Jong-un facing a standoff with a man named Donald Trump.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 20th
2017.

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A Timely Showdown In The Klondike

August 19, 2017 at 3:14 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , )

North Korean despot Kim Jong-un and his British House of Lords member Communist adviser Lord Byron Jennings had been working on another angle to destroy America besides nuclear weapons and the intercontinental ballistic missile program.

The idea was to send a 100,000 man North Korean Army with advanced weaponry, machine guns and tanks back in time and conquer America in the days when America did not have such weapons.

They sent their good friend Ares the Greek god of War to the Underworld to consult with Saturn/Cronus the Titan god of time on how this could be possible.

Saturn/Cronus told Ares that his reign was of course the Golden Age prior to being overthrown by his son Zeus/Jupiter.

And ever since, Saturn explained, he always had a hankering for gold.

In fact he had been building himself a small portal through time to reach Dawson City Yukon in the year 1897 at the height of the Klondike Gold Rush.

Saturn was still trying to figure out how to leave Tartarus (“that 3-headed dog Cerberus is a real pain in the ass namely because that’s where he always bites me” – Saturn/Cronus said half in Latin and half in Greek) but Ares was welcome to take the portal to Kim Jong-un and see what he could do with it on the promise that once Kim Jong-un had invaded and conquered America, he would then invade and conquer the Realm of Hades and release him the Tartarus imprisoned Saturn/Cronus (for the Titan had it on good authority that the United States of America was the gateway to Hell on Earth).

“How will I be able to carry this portal?” Ares asked Saturn looking at the large astral laser holographic rotating tunnel.

Saturn/Cronus started singing a Latin and Greek version of that old Jim Croce song “If I could save time in a bottle…’

The large astral laser holographic rotating tunnel portal then shrank to a very small size.

Saturn then reached for a bottle of The Kraken Black Spiced Rum, took the top off, said in a loud voice “Release the Kraken!” and then proceeded to empty the liquid contents of the bottle down his throat.

Saturn then instructed Ares to put the shrunken rotating portal vortex into the empty bottle and take it back to Kim Jong-un with the following instructions…

Ares told Kim Jong-un that he’d only be able to send a small group of men back in time to the Klondike in the year 1897- a group of 5000 men.

And then once they had secured the area of the spatial/temporal location of the portal, it would be possible to send more men- like Kim’s envisioned 100,000 man army.

The 100,000 man army could then march from the Klondike to Alaska and take it over.

Then board ships heading further south and take over the U.S. mainland.

Thus North Korea would be able to successfully conquer America in the late 1890s and not have to resort to nuclear weapons.

Ares then poured the rotating vortex out of the empty bottle of The Kraken Black Spiced Rum.

The astral laser holographic rotating tunnel portal then expanded to its original size.

Kim Jong-un then called for the leader of the 5000 men who would initially be sent back in time- a man by the name of Sum Yung Fuul.

Sum Yung Fuul was a big fan of the Jack London novels The Call of the Wild and White Fang and would use his knowledge of both books to find his way around the Klondike in that time period once there.

Sum Yung Fuul and his 4,999 men then walked into the rotating vortex singing the North Korean National Anthem which Lord Byron Jennings played on his theremin.

Sum Yung Fuul and his men then arrived in the Klondike on Thursday December 23rd 1897.

December 23rd of course was the last day of the ancient Roman Festival of the Saturnalia (which began on December 17th and ended on December 23rd) and it was for that reason that Saturn had chosen this date for which the rotating portal would land at the height of the Saturnalia festival.

Sum Yung Fuul and his men then walked out from the forest in which they landed and entered Dawson City.

While walking through Dawson City they encountered a blue box in the middle of the main street that said in large letters at the top just below a shining lantern POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX.

“Did they have public pay phone booths in the Klondike in 1897?” A young lieutenant asked Col. Sum Yung Fuul.

“I don’t think so,” Sum Yung Fuul replied.

He hadn’t recalled Jack London mentioning it in his books.

Another young lieutenant was about to say that it looked a lot like the TARDIS from the Doctor Who television series on BBC One but didn’t when he remembered that it was only Kim Jong-un who was allowed to watch decadent Western world TV shows and movies in the Hermit Kingdom.

If he were to open his mouth, he’d be shot by firing squad.

So he didn’t open his mouth.

The men then proceeded into the forest on the other side of Dawson City.

The lieutenant looked at his compass.

“We’ve almost got this spatial/temporal location for the portal secured, sir,” the lieutenant said to Sum Yung Fuul.

Just then a woman appeared in front of them out of nowhere.
Steampunk Klondike Serena of The Snows

The redheaded red dress woman (who was in fact the blonde Steampunk time traveler Serena who had dyed her hair red for this occasion since she’d be dealing with fighters in a Communist army) fired from both of the weapons she carried in her hands.

Like the TARDIS phone booth on Dawson City’s main street which was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside, each weapon that Serena held in her hand contained 100,000 rounds of ammunition each.

She blew all 5000 men away to Hermit Kingdom come.

She then blew into each weapon and put each one back into her side holsters on either side of her sexy red skirt.

The North Korean invasion of America in the late 1890s had been nipped in the bud before it even began.

Meanwhile Donald Trump tweeted,

@realDonaldTrump Just had a vision of a woman named Serena. Lovely lady. I wonder who she is?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 17th
2017.

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