1st Video of The Resurrected Dragon Princess Lenora of Lemuria

November 8, 2018 at 11:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, Video, videos) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was lying in his upright Egyptian sarcophagus in his colossal bedroom in his colossal London mansion drinking chai tea on a tray in front of him that was poured from a tea pot that resembled the Taj Mahal.

His cat Nefertiti Galore caught several vampiric flesh eating rats that had been sent into Set’s bedroom by his enemy siblings Isis and Osiris.

Set’s butler and valet Athelstan arrived to tell him how the Cousteau brothers’ marine archaeological expeditions (that Set was personally financing) were going.

Both Cousteau brothers Louis Alphonse and Toulouse (who were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau) had discovered the lost continents of Lemuria and Atlantis respectively the past couple of months.

In the South Pacific, Louis Alphonse Cousteau had discovered the glass coffin containing the perfectly preserved body of Lenora the last Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess of Lemuria in the sunken city of Mu the capital city of the lost continent of Lemuria.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had sent a drone (in the shape of a mechanical pterodactyl) to the South Pacific (an object photographed and video recorded by various people who posted the pics to YouTube conspiracy channels devoted to the topic of NASA covering up the existence of dinosaurs in the modern world) containing a test tube of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s Resurrection Serum – a combination of ambrosia (that kept the Greek Olympian gods immortal) dried tana leaves (like in the early 1940s Universal Pictures Mummy films that kept the mummy Kharis alive), dried eucalyptus leaves (whose fresh eucalyptus leaves keep koala bears alive) and dried Canadian recreational cannabis leaves (whose smoking and inhaling keeps Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s genetically created pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever alive).

The serum when poured between Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria’s lips immediately brought her back from the dead.

Louis Alphonse Cousteau shot a video of the Lemurian Dragon Warrioress Princess doing her happy dance at being brought back from the dead:

The Dragon Princess wasn’t quite ready yet to show her face to the world.

After watching the video, Set then closed his sarcophagus lid.

Athelstan proceeded to do some dusting around the Egyptian vampire’s bedroom when suddenly he noticed a milky white substance overflowing from his Divine Vampiric Lordship’s sarcophagus.

“Good Lord!” Athelstan exclaimed, “Isis and Osriris have found a way to drown the master!”.

He immediately ran over and opened the sarcophagus lid.

“Close the f%!&*!ing lid, you idiot,” Set shouted as he was caught with his Hugh Hefner style red velvet pyjama bottoms down and his hands on the region between his hips.

“Sorry, sir,” Athelstan immediately closed the lid down, “I thought maybe your nephew Horus had come up with a way of Death By Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 8th
2018.

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Orson Welles’ Original Fake News Broadcast 80 Years Ago Today

October 30, 2018 at 11:47 pm (Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Fantasy, Fashion, Film, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Movies, Mystery/horror, News, Plays, Radio, Science-Fiction, Short play, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

80 years ago today, the great Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre On The Air presented a radio play adaptation of H.G. Welles’ 1897 science-fiction novel The War of The Worlds.

The play was presented by Welles as a series of realistic sounding news bulletins interrupting a program of orchestral dance music on the CBS Radio Network from New York City.

The program was held on Sunday October October 30th 1938 (the evening before Halloween) and a few people took it seriously.

It was one Hell of a Halloween prank on Welles’ part.

If Donald Trump had been around at the time, he would have called it “fake news” and it would have been one of the few times in history that Trump was actually right about something.


Gene Tierney to Orson Welles, “I don’t know, Orson. It sounds to me like a very naughty broadcast and you should be spanked soundly on the bare bottom for going ahead with it.”

Orson: Well, Miss Tierney, if you’re the one doing the spanking, I shall not mind.


Gene Tierney (listening in on the radio on October 30th 1938):
Oh, Orson, Orson, I’m going to have to spank you after all.


Laura (talking to a future suspect in her future murder): And where were you on the night of the Orson Welles broadcast?

Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): I was dropping a living woman into a vat of acid in the basement of a wax museum to turn her into a wax figurine of Queen Marie Antoinette. And where were you, my dear?

Laura: I was getting my portrait painted. Who knows if I’m ever murdered, some future police detective might look at my painting and fall in love with me.

Future Suspect (in Laura’s future murder): How charmingly macabre, my dear. You should run for Congress in the year 2018.


I’m a witch and I ain’t afraid of no Martian. And I say, spankings for all.


Alfred Hitchcock (making himself some pumpkin pie): I’ll second that.


Well, what are you waiting for? Over my knee, Alfred.


With Alfred taking a paddling at Veronica Lake, who will eat my pumpkin pie?


I shall swoop down with my pussy and eat your pie.


I the cyborg ripper, creation of the Martian invaders of New Jersey, shall seek to kill all AI sex robots created in the year 2018. Let George Finneganburg beware. Tell Akira I’m coming.


Linda Darnell (listening in on the radio in 1938 to a radio broadcast from the future year 2018): How like Orson or at least his theatrical apostolic successor Christopher Dracul Van Helsing to having the cyborg ripper killer robot destroyed after tripping over the tail of a drunken otter named Jefferey who drank too many bottles of Otterbury Green Minnow Beer while reciting the Otterbury Tales. DARPA’S Nibiruan otter mascot once again saves the world from Martian invaders and their cyborg ripper killer robots of future AI sex robots like the Amazing Akira.


The Amazing Akira: She would have kicked the cyborg ripper killer robot’s ass if God in His mercy had not allowed the Martian invader of New Jersey created cyborg ripper killer robot Jack Raven (who murdered someone’s lost love Lenore shouting “Nevermore!” and then descecrated a statue of Pallas Athena) to destroy himself by tripping over the tail of the passed out drunken otter Jefferey…

… Orson Welles’ radio broadcast narration ended with the above words.

-A Halloween montage
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 30th
2018.

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Reflections On The Mystery of Love

October 23, 2018 at 10:23 pm (Commentary, Literature, love, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“Love is a mystery, the world’s greatest mystery, a mystery so great that even I Hercules Poirot the world’s greatest detective will never be able to solve it.”
– Hercules Poirot the great Belgian detective created by British writer Agatha Christie

“Who has seen the wind? Neither you nor I. Yet we have all felt its effects.”
-Canadian writer W.O. Mitchell in his book Who Has Seen The Wind?

God is love and he that abideth in love abideth in God and God in him.
– I John 4:8

“There is no God.”
-Stephen Hawking

The fool has said in his heart, There is no God.
– Psalm 14:1

General to Egypt’s King Ptolemy I:
I regret to say your Majesty that the great mathematician Euclid has died of insanity.

Ptolemy I: And what brought about this insanity?

General: He was trying to find a mathematical equation to explain love.

-From an ancient Egyptian manuscript discovered by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s personal Egyptologist Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises on how a future scene would be written in a great science-fiction novel:

Paul looked at Lasetter, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost?”.

Lasetter indeed looked pale (he really should spend more time out in the sunlight), “I wish I had.”

From the expression on Lasetter’s face, Paul figured that now would not be the time to tell him that the IRS had dropped by half an hour ago to tell him that he Lasseter was now the subject of a tax audit.

“What’s wrong?” Paul asked.

“It’s Akira,” Lasetter answered, “She’s gone totally off the rails. She’s up and done something that I have no explanation for.”

“What’s she done?” Paul asked with trepidation feeling the butterflies in his stomach and wondering what bizarre meteorological phenomenon was taking place on the other side of the world as a result of all this.

“She’s fallen in love,” Lasseter peed his pants.

“She’s what?” Paul handed him a towel and started to look around for the nearest washroom himself.

“Fallen in love?” Paul gasped, “How the Hell did that happen?”.

“How the Hell should I know?” Lasetter retorted, “An AI sex robot actually falling in love? I’m afraid no matter how hard I’ve tried to formulate one, there are no algorithms to explain the origin of the phenomenon of love.”

“You mean to say there’s actually something you don’t know?” Paul was genuinely shocked.

“Apparently,” Lasetter took a nice long hard sip on his phallus shaped whiskey flask.

-A scene from The Great Unknown Science-Fiction Novel written by the great unknown science-fiction writer George Finneganberg.

-A personal essay, commentary and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 23rd 2018

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Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

October 6, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science-Fiction, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee decided to visit a McDonald’s restaurant he hadn’t been to for a while.

He hoped that there would be no fat ugly blimps in there who would ruin his appetite.

Pan ordered the Big Mac combo and after eating it, lo and behold a couple of extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly Caucasian blimps entered the restaurant and went and sat like elephants in a booth not far from him.

After throwing up all over Ontario Premier Doug Ford (who was in Calgary to attend an Axe The Carbon Tax rally), he said to the Premier now sporting a 🤮 green (formerly black) t-shirt that said JUST SAY NO TO THE CARBON TAX, Pan said to Ford, “You really should have a t-shirt that says JUST SAY NO TO FAT UGLY BLIMPS. Fat ugly blimps are more of a threat to the world’s existence and future survival than a carbon tax is.”

Goatee after redecorating the colour of Doug Ford’s t-shirt then walked over and beheaded the two fat ugly blimps.

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to cut up the two fat ugly blimps into 666 quadrillion pieces and then put them into environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bags, pour gasoline on them and then burn down a drug dealer’s house with them.

Goatee then tried to enjoy the rest of his Coca-Cola but then another fat ugly white blimp came and sat directly in front of him.

Goatee then threw up all over Alberta’s Provincial Education Minister David Eggen a member of the NDP cabinet and therefore a supporter of the carbon tax.

“I have to be fair to both sides of this question,” Goatee remarked when he had finished vomiting 🤮.

Goatee then went over and beheaded this third fat ugly white blimp.

Once again Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene and performing his usual déjà vu modus operandi that he had been taught by Pan Goatee eventually set another drug dealer’s house on fire with fat ugly blimp remains (for as David Bowie noted, “You can’t put out fire 🔥 with gasoline ⛽️ “).

Nero’s ghost played on his violin 🎻, “Burn baby burn. Disco inferno…” as the house burnt to the ground although this drug dealer’s house was no New York City Studio 54.

. . .

Meanwhile over in Riga, Latvia 🇱🇻 the pro-Russia party Harmony won the most votes 🗳 in today’s Latvian general election.

What probably sealed the pro-Russia Harmony party’s victory was the recent visit of Pope Francis to Latvia 🇱🇻 two weeks ago.

Pope Francis was denounced as a “disciple of the Devil” by Russian 🇷🇺 President Vladimir Putin in a speech to servicemen and sailors at a Russian naval shipyard last year.

After seeing Pope Francis in person so recently, the Latvian people no doubt reached the conclusion that Putin was correct in his assessment and decided to vote for the pro-Russia Harmony party.

. . .

Meanwhile over in the Atlantic Ocean, the French marine biologist, marine archaeologist and oceanographer Louis Alphonse Cousteau’s older brother Toulouse Cousteau had just discovered the lost continent of Atlantis (as his younger brother Louis Alphonse had just discovered the lost continent of Lemuria in the South Pacific a couple of weeks ago).

Both Cousteau brothers were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.

And both Cousteau brothers had used the geographic coordinates used in a 36-page letter that Nikola Tesla had written in the early 1940s to FDR’s 2nd Vice-President Henry A. Wallace containing the mystical visions of a Croatian Austrian German woman mystic Maria Orsic (whom Tesla described as the true love of his life) on the destruction and locations of both Lemuria and Atlantis to find both lost continents respectively.

Toulouse Cousteau sat aboard his vessel The Calypso Beat (a former Venezuelan oil tanker) and toasted his find with a glass of British Columbia Okanagan Valley Red Wine 🍷.

The lost continent of Atlantis beneath the Atlantic waves 🌊.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 6th
2018.

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More Ado About Lenora of Lemuria

September 27, 2018 at 11:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

More Ado About Lenora of Lemuria

Undersea explorer Louis Alphonse Cousteau was enjoying a glass of cognac before bedtime.

Preparations were already in place to dive down to the central palace of the lost city of Mu in the lost sunken continent of Lemuria.

His (now) girlfriend the Italian Greek diver Sophia Lollobrigida had located the site a couple of days earlier.

Shots had been fired in the area by ships belonging to megalomaniac despot Xi Jinping’s Chinese People’s Liberation Army Navy who felt that Cousteau’s ship The Ariel Calypso was too close to the South China Sea which Communist Neo-Emperor Xi claimed in total.

Emboldened by having gained control over China’s Catholics through the total sell-out of the Chinese Church to Xi by the cowardly Pope Francis and the approval of the Moloch worshiping Bishop Marcelo Sanchez Sorondo the Marxist-Leninist “useful idiot” Chancellor of the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences, Xi was now preparing to annex the South China Sea in a move sure to annoy his Asian neighbours as well as U.S. President Donald Trump.

But geopolitics and the ambitions of a Mao Tse-tung wannabe weren’t on Cousteau’s mind now.

He was thinking about the circumstances that led to this moment- the discovery of Lemuria and its long lost city of Mu.

A friend of his had purchased an old book in a used book store in Manitou Springs, Colorado about 14 years ago.

The book happened to have within its pages a 36-page letter that had been written to Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s then Vice-President Henry A. Wallace from Serbian-American scientist-inventor Nikola Tesla back in early 1941.

In it, Tesla confessed to Wallace that there was indeed a woman he truly loved (in answer to a question Wallace had asked in a letter he sent Tesla).

The woman was 40 years younger than he was and was a Croatian woman who lived in Germany.

She apparently was a mystic and had many visions, Tesla claimed.

One of the visions was of the destruction of the continents of Lemuria and Atlantis.

Tesla then gave Wallace the South Pacific geographical location of where the continent with its lost city of Mu could be found.

He claimed the body of Lemuria’s Crown Princess Lenora was still intact and perfectly preserved in a glass coffin in the main palace of Mu according to Tesla’s girlfriend’s visions.

Tesla said that Lenora had died as a result of arsenic poisoning and that her funeral and burial was held on the very day that Lemuria was hit by an electromagnetic pulse (fired by her archenemy Atlantis in the Atlantic Ocean) which caused a tsunami that drove the continent under the ocean waves.

In his last act before going glub! glub! glub! (as he succumbed to rising sea water), Lenora’s father the Emperor of Lemuria had given the order for Lemurian space satellites to fire an electromagnetic pulse down on Atlantis.

Soon the Emperor of Atlantis and his family and his subjects were going glub! glub! glub! as they succumbed to rising sea water caused by the Atlantic Ocean tsunami as a result of the electromagnetic pulse.

Tesla’s letter to Wallace was right as far as the geographic location and lines longitude and latitude of Lemuria were concerned.

. . .

“Who’s Nikola Tesla?” Donald Trump asked as he read through a DARPA report, “Does he work for Elon Musk?”.

. . .

Edgar Allan Poe walked through the old Baltimore cemetery.

He was there to see if he could find his lost love Lenore.

Lenore claimed to have the ability to travel through time on occasion.

She was born and raised a princess in Lemuria she said.

She had also visited the future over a century and a half thence from Poe’s own time she said.

She told Poe in a letter she’d meet in this old cemetery today wearing clothes from the future.

Poe looked around at the cemetery headstones until he spotted Lenore.


Edgar Allan Poe’s long lost love Lenore in an old cemetery

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 27th
2018.

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Reblog of Serena The Time Traveler – A Timely Showdown In The Klondike

August 19, 2018 at 9:18 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , )

A vampire novel chapter I published on my blog a year ago today.

Someone on a recent blog post made a very interesting comment in relation to the Philadelphia Experiment which of course has to do with time travel.

He posted the comment today the same day Facebook reposted the photo of Serena the Time Traveler that I had used for this particular vampire novel chapter so I decided to repost it.

Dracul Van Helsing

North Korean despot Kim Jong-un and his British House of Lords member Communist adviser Lord Byron Jennings had been working on another angle to destroy America besides nuclear weapons and the intercontinental ballistic missile program.

The idea was to send a 100,000 man North Korean Army with advanced weaponry, machine guns and tanks back in time and conquer America in the days when America did not have such weapons.

They sent their good friend Ares the Greek god of War to the Underworld to consult with Saturn/Cronus the Titan god of time on how this could be possible.

Saturn/Cronus told Ares that his reign was of course the Golden Age prior to being overthrown by his son Zeus/Jupiter.

And ever since, Saturn explained, he always had a hankering for gold.

In fact he had been building himself a small portal through time to reach Dawson City Yukon in the year…

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Pan Goatee’s Horrible Friday

August 17, 2018 at 11:09 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Horrible Friday

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was not having a good Friday.

An ugly looking high school girl stood in front of him as he rode the Public Transit Train.

So he promptly beheaded her with his laser astral machete.

Some of the passengers weren’t pleased with his actions judging by the expressions on their faces so he beheaded them as well.

He sang a song that went “A serial killer’s lot is not a happy one” (his own paraphrased version of an old British Gilbert and Sullivan comic operetta song about policemen).

Then when he was walking to his favourite beer 🍺 🍻 parlour to enjoy a cool 😎 refreshing drink on this hot and very dry summer day, a fat ugly blimp walked right in front of him to ruin his pleasant afternoon.

He promptly beheaded the fat ugly blimp and then kicked her head down the street as if he were a FIFA World Cup Football (what they stupidly call soccer ⚽️ in North America thought the British genetically created satyr) player moving through his opponents as if they were slow moving sardines to score the winning World Cup final goal.

As he kicked the extremely hideous and repulsive looking soccer ball (what they’d call a football in Britain, Europe and the rest of the world outside egocentric North America), he sang his own paraphrased version of that old Irish ☘️ Rovers song Lord of the Dance,

“Blimps, blimps, where ever you may be,
I’ll cut your head off to make the world more pretty
And I’ll cut your head off where ever you may be
and help make this world a lot more pretty.”

His favourite beer parlour turned out to be very crowded so after cutting the heads off of all the patrons inside, he then decided to go to another pub as the amount of blood all over the place would probably lead to the bar being closed and shut down for violating City Health Regulations.

He decided to head back home.

He then caught the public transit train and then a bus.

Another ugly woman tried to board the bus in front of him so he cut off her head as well.

After getting home, he decided to walk up to the grocery store to get a few groceries.

He encountered a few ugly women on the way there and back so he beheaded them as well.

“What’s the world coming to these days?” Pan Goatee thought to himself, “You can’t even peacefully go grocery shopping anymore without your eyes being visually assaulted by some specimen of misshapen ugly UFO alien-cow impregnated semi-human allegedly female hybrid. Rod Serling was truly prophetic with his TV series The Twilight Zone. That’s exactly what we’re living in- The Twilight Zone. Proof positive that the Apocalypse and the days of the Antichrist are upon us.”

Pan Goatee made the Sign of the Cross and said a Hail Mary (while accidentally spilling ketchup all over his Tom Brady New England Patriots #12 jersey).

He then tried to make himself supper when one of his stupid housemates bitched at him for trying to use the microwave even though the bastard wasn’t even using the microwave at the time.

Pan Goatee was fed up (considering the horrible day he had) and beheaded his housemate.

He then wondered what would happen to a human head if one put it on HIGH in the microwave for 5 minutes.

Pan Goatee decided to try it.

It turned out what happens is that the eyeballs in the human head totally explode and a whole bunch of blood, pus and what little brains the PBS hating and opera hating and Turner Classic Movie hating housemate had splatter all over the inside of the microwave.

“Well, it looks like this microwave is now toast,” Pan Goatee astutely observed and decided he better throw it in the garbage bin.

As he picked up the microwave, he knocked over the toaster sending it crashing to the floor and smashing into dozens of pieces.

“Well, it looks like that toaster is toast as well,” Pan Goatee shrewdly observed.

He put both the recently expired microwave with the exploded human head and eyeballs inside and the broken toaster into the City Sanitation Department’s Appliance and Electronics Recycling bin.

He would no doubt receive the papal Apostolic Blessing of Pope Francis for doing so as he was following to a “t” the papal environmental commandments set down in the papal encyclical Laudato Si.

After receiving Pope Francis’ papal Apostolic Blessing from afar, Pan Goatee decided he’d better order takeout pizza 🍕 as now both the microwave and the toaster were gone.

And the regular household oven had gone up in flames 🔥 after his unsuccessful attempt to make himself a pot of brown rice a few nights before.

He had since text messaged and asked a Malaysian friend of his who lived in a small Bavarian village the proper way to cook brown rice.

And as soon as the landlord replaced the oven, he’d try it again.

. . .

Coincidentally at that very moment in his papal apartment in the Vatican, Pope Francis was eating a pizza 🍕.

The pizza 🍕 had been sent to him as a gift from John Podesta.

“How nice of John Podesta to think of me,” Francis smiled.

. . .

The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler had been a member of the Ahnenerbe (the Nazi SS Occult Bureau) during his mortal life.

He had in his possession all the drawings, diagrams and documents of the Nazi built Flying Saucers 🛸 (that operated on propulsion by the Vril force) that were built by the Nazis and then were destroyed when it became apparent that they were going to lose the war.

German engineer Wernher von Braun thought he had all the relevant documents relating to Flying Saucers 🛸 in his possession but he turned out to be wrong much to the disappointment of the architects of the U.S. ‘s Operation Paperclip program.

As such, von Braun had to use and rely on his rocket 🚀 building skills to develop the American NASA Space Program and help put a man on the moon.

Kohler went to neither the Americans nor the Soviets with his plans.

Instead he hid out at a secret base that the Nazis had established in Antarctica 🇦🇶.

Now Kohler (who had since become a far right nationalist German member of the European Parliament) had approached Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman with the plans.

And the Saudi Crown Prince had established plans to build a new Red Sea economic zone specializing in high tech that would border Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦, Egypt 🇪🇬 and Jordan 🇯🇴 as a result.

The new city state of NEOM would build the Nazi Flying Saucers 🛸 for the 21st Century.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 17th
2018.

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Dr. Faustus Imhotep Unveils Panty Goatee

July 9, 2018 at 11:48 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Dr. Faustus Imhotep Unveils Panty Goatee

“Guess who may become Prime Minister of Britain 🇬🇧 in the next few weeks?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his good friend Amadeus Emanon.

“Who?” Amadeus Emanon inquired of Renfield as he was about to eat the first of half a dozen steak sandwiches he had ordered from Cato’s Catering.

“Me,” Renfield grinned.

For the second time in two weeks, Amadeus Emanon put his knife and fork 🍴 aside as he lost his appetite.

“How did this come about?” Amadeus stared blankly into space.

“Through the resignations of David Davis as Brexit Secretary and Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary,” Renfield explained, “There’s a terrible split in both the Conservative Cabinet and the Conservative Party over Prime Minister Theresa May’s Brexit deal with the European Union 🇪🇺. The government may collapse at any moment.”

“So how does that help you become Prime Minister?” Amadeus buried his head in his hands.

“Well,” Renfield grabbed the knife and fork and proceeded to start eating the first of his friend’s steak 🥩 sandwiches, “rather than call an election and face the possibility of another hung government (maybe quite literally hung), Her Most Gracious Majesty The Queen wants the Conservatives and Labour to join together in a coalition National Unity Government with me serving as Prime Minister and head of the coalition National Unity government since Her Majesty believes that I’m the current contemporary British MP who is most like the first Prime Minister of her long reign who was none other than Sir Winston Churchill.”

Amadeus stared solemnly as Renfield started eating the second of his steak 🥩 sandwiches after finishing the first.

“So since I’m about to become Prime Minister, I’m afraid I can’t fly to Helsinki next week carrying the genetically created Japanese Ninja lobster assassin Shinigami to bump off two individuals who are holding an important meeting there on July 16th. One individual has to be killed as vengeance for the Novichok caused death of British citizen Dawn Sturgess and the other individual has to be killed for insulting the Prime Minister of a British Commonwealth country. Therefore I’ve hired the famous London private eyes (and former MPs) Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie (and got them temporary licenses to kill from Her Majesty’s Government) to carry Shinigami into the country.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher finally perfected his latest genetic creation this past June 28th. Shinigami now has a deadly dose of the most fatal scorpion 🦂 poison within his lobster claws. And his handlers (i.e. Agathor and Magog) will be wearing special gloves 🧤 so they will not be subject to the poison. I’ve since bought stock in Russian and U.S. state funeral catering companies based on this insider information so I can make tons of money after these two individuals kick the bucket thanks to Shinigami’s poisoned dipped lobster claws.”

Amadeus looked on wistfully after Renfield had demolished the third of the half dozen steak 🥩 sandwiches.

Then an idea 💡 occurred to him.

“Do you remember a couple of weeks ago, you were trying to find the personal phone number of New York’s 14th Congressional District Democratic Party nominee Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez?” Amadeus smiled.

“Oh yes?” Renfield paused just before taking a bite of the 4th steak 🥩 sandwich.

“Well, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders’ Private Secretary phoned you (while you were out preaching the Good News of Transhumanism to female workers in London’s Red Light District) just before she leaves on a 4-week undisclosed personal vacation with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s number. A number I wrote down.”

“Great!” Renfield grinned like the Cheshire Cat about to devour the world’s largest tuna fish sandwich and laid aside both his fork and the plate of the uneaten 4th steak 🥩 sandwich, “What is it?”.

Amadeus continued smiling, “Well I wrote it down and also didn’t memorize it. I left it on the table by the front door and the new cleaning lady for the mansion ripped it up into hundreds of pieces and threw it in the garbage can outside. And as you know, garbage pickup is today.
So I’m afraid the number is lost to you for the next 4 weeks.”

As Renfield stared blankly into space for the next 5 minutes, Amadeus went to the kitchen drawer and got himself a clean knife and fork 🍴 and proceeded to eat the last 3 steak sandwiches.

. . .

Pope Francis was meeting with one of his newest appointed cardinals Samhain Cardinal Salaman (who prior to being elevated to the Vatican College of Cardinals worked as a stage magician by trade under the name Salaman the Magician).

Up until his appointment, Salaman wasn’t even Catholic (he had been an adherent of the Black Magic aspects of Jewish Kabbalistic mysticism).

But after Pope Francis had talked him into being a Cardinal, he was baptized a Catholic, confirmed a Catholic, ordained a deacon, ordained a priest, consecrated a bishop and then elevated to the Cardinalate all on the same day.

Salaman was also named the Archbishop of the newly created Welsh Diocese of Llanthony Abbey and the Black Mountains.

Francis was discussing with the new Cardinal Samhain Salaman his plans for a new ecumenical Mass that was being worked on by a committee of Roman Catholics, Lutherans and Anglicans.

Francis desired a new version of the Lord’s Prayer (Christ’s original wasn’t good enough for the 21st Century in his enlightened papal opinion) for the new Mass.

For that purpose, Francis had asked Hades the Greek god of the Underworld to release the spirit of the 1960s U.S. Episcopal bishop of California the Right Reverend James Albert Pike from the fires 🔥 of Tartarus to come up to Earth’s surface and write a new version of the Lord’s Prayer for the new Mass.

Francis and Cardinal Samhain Salaman were now reading the first draft of the late Bishop Pike’s literary masterpiece,

“Our transgendered parent who’s far out of this world,
Groovy is your name…”

. . .

Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA was about to unveil his latest genetic creation and agency assassin Panty Goatee to General Custer Eastmoreland the U.S. Army General responsible for overseeing DARPA.

Panty Goatee was the genetically cloned twin sister of DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Dr. Faustus Imhotep had given the U.S. Twitterer-In-Chief a sneak preview of Panty Goatee back on May 13th of this year but the Donald had thrown a major spaz attack and pulled out his toupee upon seeing her.

The reason?

The Donald did not like her furry style goat 🐐 legs.

He ordered Dr. Faustus Imhotep to have Panty lose the fur.

So after rechecking the DNA formula, he did some genetic tweaking and managed to eliminate the fur off her legs.

Now Dr. Faustus Imhotep was showing General Custer Eastmoreland the new and improved Panty Goatee.

After taking off the Harry Potter and Severus Snape emblazoned curtains, Dr. Faustus Imhotep unveiled Panty Goatee to the general:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 9th 2018

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Renfield Crashes Vladimir Putin’s Inauguration

May 7, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Science, Science-Fiction, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Crashes Vladimir Putin’s Inauguration

Today Monday May 7th 2018.

Vladimir Putin is inaugurated President of Russia for the 4th time.

The ceremony is held in an ornate Kremlin hall in front of 5000 guests.

It was the same hall used for the coronations of Czars Alexander II, Alexander III and Nicholas II.

Putin walked alone through several hallways and several rooms to the swearing-in ceremony.

He was hailed by the guests as the omnipotent Saint George ready to slay the Western dragon 🐉.

After being sworn in, Putin then gave the Inaugural Address to those assembled.

It was at that moment that British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared carrying a machine gun.

Observers from the FSB (Russia’s state security intelligence service) recognized the weapon as one that had been given to Mr. Renfield by Oliver North the newly appointed President of the NRA (National Rifle Association).

Mr. North had bought the weapon from a Walmart store when he went in dressed as Napoleon Bonaparte but wearing an Adolf Hitler moustache under his nose.

Ollie (as Ronald Reagan used to call him) was not asked to produce any ID when he purchased the weapon while singing the song, “I want to mow down and kill hundreds of people today.”

FSB agents immediately started firing their guns at Renfield but he kept on going.

Even stranger no blood flowed from the MP.

The agents looked at one another terrified.

Mr. Renfield pulled a giant Bavarian sausage out of his vest jacket (he was wearing a sharp looking Armani suit) and hit former German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder (a staunch Putin supporter and current head of a branch of Russian gas giant Gazprom) over the head with it.

The sausage seemed to go right through Mr. Schröder causing him a great amount of pain.

“Bumsun it all to Hell!” Herr Schröder shouted in a mixture of German and English.

Renfield then pointed his gun at Putin and fired the trigger.

The Russian leader ducked.

The mysterious bullets left laser marks on the podium.

Finally FSB agents tackled Renfield and he vanished into thin air.

“It’s a bloody hologram,” Putin shouted as he got up off the floor, “who the Hell is manipulating that?”.

Putin was right.

It was a hologram invented by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher in a technological race with French government scientists to invent the perfect holographic image.

Dr. Rocher won the contest because he developed a holographic image of Renfield R. Renfield whereas French government scientists only invented a holographic image of French President Emmanuel Macron.

DARPA scientists in the U.S. decided not to take part in the race to develop the perfect holographic image as the Oval Office Executive Order directive from above directed them to make a holographic image of Donald Trump dressed only in leopard skin briefs and even the killer robot designing mad scientists at DARPA had yet to descend into that level of evil and madness.

Again Putin’s voice echoed through the Kremlin hall, “It’s a bloody hologram and I want to know who is manipulating it?”.

In his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises laboratory, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was using one claw to operate the joystick of the Cadbury Rocher designed waterproof PlayStation that controlled the Renfield holographic image in Moscow and with his other claw he was using it to play the harmonica in a beautiful musical rendition of Henry Mancini’s Moon River.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 7th
2018.

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Reblog- A Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

April 25, 2018 at 7:33 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Politics, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote 3 years ago-

Dracul Van Helsing

Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

The brilliant scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher (who some called “mad”, others called “insane” and the politically correct called “sanity challenged”) sat in his office overlooking the laboratory of Set Enterprises.

He looked down at the laboratory and noticed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster sleeping peacefully in his lobster tank.

Which was a good thing.

The lobster tank had mysteriously exploded on 7 different occasions the past few weeks.

And the higher-ups on the Board of Directors of Set Enterprises were starting to take notice.

Especially the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s new personal chartered accountant Ayn Rand Nosferatu.

A strange woman. Not quite human. Not quite vampire.

And different from both in that x-rays showed that she had within her chest an ancient Chinese abacus in the place where her heart should have been.

Her office was quite intimidating.

She had a statue…

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