The Roman Emperor Caligula: A Poem

January 24, 2015 at 9:14 pm (History, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

The Roman Emperor Caligula: A Poem

In Ancient Rome, Caligula was quite the chap
Certain Senators thought he was full of crap
particularly when to the Senate a horse he named
and the Senate’s marble floor was soon brownly framed
of course it was only the back end of the horse that Caligula had appointed
because he thought that part most resembled Rome’s “honourable men” so anointed.
Caligula dressed in public as Mercury, Venus and Apollo
for he thought he was more than a jolly good fellow
He thought of himself as a living god
as he once boasted to his Uncle Claud
He soon started calling himself the Great and Noble Jupiter
and shoved up a Patrician’s ass an arrow from statue of Cupid-ter
He soon started removing heads from statues of the gods of Rome
and replaced them with heads of facial features- his own
Caligula was really starting to become quite mad
and many started to think him a cad
When he announced to the Senate in 40 AD
that he would be leaving Rome permanently
and moving the Imperial capital to Alexandria to be worshipped as a living god
The Praetorian Guard had finally had had enough of this fraud
And on the 24th of January 41 AD they bumped him off
And the Emperor Caligula died with less than a divine cough.

-A poem written by Christopher
Saturday January 24th 2015
on the anniversary of The Emperor
Caligula’s assassination.


  1. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    Died with less than a divine cough? Now, that is really something! LOL

    I so love this.

    **Well, I have divine cough still. Got sore throat for days now.***

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Wow. I’m so sorry about your sore throat.

      Hope it gets better soon.

      And your cough will go where Caligula has gone before.

  2. lordsofthedrinks said,

    This poem is hilarious. Great job man. We got to love Tiberius’ bad judgement of ever naming this guy as a heir. 🙂

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Thanks, Mickey. 🙂

      Yes, Tiberius’ bad judgement was bad for the Romans but great for us who love the intrigues and folly that make Imperial Roman history so interesting.


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