Pan Goatee- Nobel Peace Prize Nominee

November 1, 2018 at 10:22 pm (Aesthetics, Celebrities, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The world’s most lovable genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose much loved serial killing specialty was ridding the world of repulsively ugly looking ugly women) had just found out that he had been nominated for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize by the American Association For The Restoration of Beauty and Aesthetics (who had a most Herculean task ahead of them).

“Why bless their beauty loving little hearts,” Pan Goatee remarked with all the charm of a gentleman caller on Scarlett O’Hara in the film Gone With The Wind.

Of course Pan didn’t win but like most Academy Award losing actors and actresses say (as their noses grow bigger like Pinocchio’s), “It’s an honour just to have been nominated.”

No sooner had Pan Goatee thought this charming little Tara drawing room thought when a super ugly repulsive and hyperpathetic looking ugly white girl sat down right across from him on the train.

“You stupid ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee punched her full force in her pathetic ugly face with his fists, “What makes an ugly looking piece of shit such as yourself think it’s perfectly okay to sit across from a satyr with impeccable good taste like me.”

Pan Goatee continued to beat the ugly looking thing with his fists and then tore her apart with his goat legs’ hooves feet.

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to finish the job.

He cut the ugly thing up into 666 trillion pieces with his laser machete.

The goat demon then threw the pieces into a gasoline soaked plastic garbage bag and used it to burn down the house of one of the Brooklyn witches.

A U.S. Supreme Court justice had recently hired Pan Goatee and Krampus The 2nd to burn down the dwelling places of Brooklyn witches and in the process also reduce the number of U.S. Democratic Party registered voters.

Goatee then killed a bunch more ugly women who were riding the bus home with him as well as the bus driver who tried to run Pan over as soon as the satyr got off the bus.

Krampus the 2nd then astral projected from Calgary (the uglo white female capital of the world) to Brooklyn New York where he burnt down a few more Brooklyn witches’ dwellings.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield in the British House of Commons enthusiastically described the blazing All Saints’ Day arsons of Baal and Baphomet followers as the “Salem witch trials without the horrendous expense of having taxpayer funded judicial court trials.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 1st
2018.

49 Comments

  1. George F. said,

    Everyone loves Pan Goatee–the ugly wench slayer…who will slay you for no reason than existing beyond ugly!! Hysterically funny and delivers the much sought after satirical punch–as always! Rolling in my chair, Dracul! Rolling!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, George. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

      • George F. said,

        If I need a reason to write, I’m taking a clue from you: I’ll write for my own amusement and to cure my own depression. Thanks for sharing that thought Dracul.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        You’re welcome, George.

  2. Orvillewrong said,

    Hello Cristopher, We seem to have a communication problem you are not appearing in my wordpress reader and I assume you are having the same problem with me at your end. I thought at first that you might be ill, but I have seen your name on other sites.I just wanted you to know that I was not deliberately shunning you, just the opposite in fact I was concerned about you.

    Regards Malkie

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Hi Malcolm,

      No for a while now, I’ve been unable to comment on your posts.

      And for the past few weeks, WP hasn’t sent me any notifications that you’ve put new posts up.

      • Orvillewrong said,

        I am still posting five days a week so I have no idea what is going wrong, it is obviously in the lap of the WordPress Gods!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes another friend of mine here Tanya has been having trouble commenting on her blogs and I’ve been having trouble commenting on hers.

  3. Hyperion said,

    Egads! I seriously suspect Pan Goatee may have been a bit stressed out with all the pressure of the Nobel Prize nomination and then losing the limelight to a lesser mortal being. Of course, nothing relieves stress like a good unmitigated killing spree with a bit of structure burning. I know I feel much better now. ๐Ÿง›๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      LOL !

      And if the Democrats lose seats by the same number of votes as the number of witches’s houses went up in flames in certain Congessional districts, The Washington Post and The New York Times will be demanding that America’s Chief Witch Hillary Clinton be named a Special Counsel to investigate the matter.

      • Hyperion said,

        And all the Retardicans will shout indignantly, โ€œwhat does it matter now?โ€

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        “… this constant milking of the feminist cow”๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Hyperion said,

        And The Hildebeast will rise again. Baphomet has met a true friend

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        As hubby Bill gazes at Ariana’s rear end.

      • Hyperion said,

        Arianaโ€™s blue dress exits stage left

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        And to the Chinese laundromat next door.

      • Hyperion said,

        Everyone is aghast by the cigar stains

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        “But she didn’t inhale,” Bill will protest.

      • Hyperion said,

        And itโ€™s not sex that messed up her dress.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Bill had to book an appointment with an optometrist afterwards as the ghost of Bill’s mother being channeled through Shirley MacLaine says, “Didn’t I tell you to stop it or you’ll go blind?”.

      • Hyperion said,

        He only wanted to go long enough to just need glasses.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Bill always wanted to be Superman in disguise aka Clark Kent.

      • Hyperion said,

        Dont tug on Supermanโ€™s cape and donโ€™t spit into the wind, and donโ€™t try to stop the GOO from making friends with himself.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        LOL ! ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Hyperion said,

        Whackity whackity whack whack oh say her name say her name ……..

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        ๐Ÿ…๐Ÿ‘

      • Hyperion said,

        LMAO! ๐Ÿ˜‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        ๐Ÿ˜†

  4. Tanya said,

    Oh Man, this is brutal humor, donโ€™t know what to say ๐Ÿ˜‚one had to look pretty in front of Pan Goatee serial killer. Lol getting noble prize for getting rid of ugly women, thatโ€™s cruel!!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, you don’t want to look like you’ve just got out of bed if you encounter Pan Goatee serial killer. ๐Ÿ˜…

      • Tanya said,

        Lol ha ha ok so the moment I see him put on my make up ha ha

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, a very good idea, Tanya. ๐Ÿ˜‚

        LOL !

      • Tanya said,

        I canโ€™t stop laughing, interesting!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Ortensia a friend of mine who lives in Ireland also remarked after reading her first Pan Goatee story remarked that she now never leaves the house without her make-up and she couldn’t stop laughing either after reading her first Pan Goatee story.

      • Tanya said,

        Guess Iโ€™ll have to do the same, itโ€™s an interesting character I look forward to reading more of him ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Pan Goatee is a very interesting character.

        He has a younger brother called Pan Deux who isn’t homicidal like his older brother is.

        Instead he lives in Jerusalem Israel where he’s the official bagpiper at the British Consulate there.

      • Tanya said,

        Official bagpiper in British Consulate in Jerusalem ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Oh Man!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is always complaining that Pan Deux keeps him awake at night as the tartan kilt wearing satyr rehearses for his Consulate Scottish Haggis Dinner Night receptions.

      • Tanya said,

        Ha ha ha, ๐Ÿ˜‚Netanyahu will complain in United Nations for that ๐Ÿ‘Œ

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I can see Netanyahu doing that. ๐Ÿ˜‚

        LOL !

      • Tanya said,

        ๐Ÿ˜Š

  5. David Redpath said,

    “Trick or Retreat … Witch!”
    Dracul, this could be the start
    of a whole new festive occasion.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      I believe it could, David.

      Department stores and Hallmark greeting cards will now have another holiday to make money from.

  6. David Redpath said,

    I do see franchising potential.
    For a small consideration
    perhaps the Vatican would
    make it a religious holiday.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Undoubtedly.

      The Festival of Saint Hecate and All Wiccans is something Pope Francis can add to the Church calendar by official proclamation.

  7. ortensia said,

    Pan Goatee is still one of my favourite characters….I have a list of ugly ones inside out he might worth to be hired …..

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Is one of them the woman at the gas station who treated you like a criminal the time when your bank fouled up your debit card and it wouldn’t go through on the machine? ๐Ÿ˜…

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