Pope Francis On Feast Day of Saints Crispin and Crispinian

October 25, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis went down to the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.

Not to celebrate the Feast Day of Saints Crispin and Crispinian (since both Saints along with Saint Christopher and Saint George and numerous other great saints had been de-canonized by the post-Vatican II Catholic Church showing how out to lunch the post-Vatican II Catholic Church was).

But rather to watch the Greek god Apollo make out on top of the altar with his male lover Hyacinth in honour of the soon to be released Vatican Synod On Youth document that would say homosexuality now meets with the Papal Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.

Meanwhile blocks away, a Rome based sculptor watched as the statue of the Biblical Lot’s wife he had spent the past 6 months sculpting turned into a pillar of salt.

The sculptor had made the mistake of placing the statue of Lot’s wife facing the direction of the Vatican.

As Apollo penetrated Hyacinth, the gay Jesuit priest Father James Martin stood behind the altar and totally butchered a rendition of the song from the movie musical South Pacific, “Some enchanted evening, you will meet a stranger, a very special stranger…”

Pope Francis caught a whiff of the legalized recreational Canadian cannabis that both Apollo and Hyacinth were smoking as they engaged in their tango of divine Greek sausage meets well toned Coppertone tanned rear end.

Francis saw the ET gray Gali-Gula doing a dance wearing a South Seas hula grass skirt while Justin Trudeau and his genetically created pot smoking desert cactus plant called Strawberry Fields Forever played the Some Enchanted Evening tune on their respective Hawaiian ukuleles.

Francis then saw a vision of Donald Trump.

Trump had a 6 inch mini me double of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman caught in his toupee.

The Donald began shampooing his hair with Fort McMurray Athabasca tar sands oil from northeastern Alberta, Canada as the T-Rump got in touch with his feminine side and started singing the Mitzi Gaynor song from the movie musical South Pacific, “I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair…”

The 6 inch mini me Saudi Crown Prince was washed away.

Baphomet the half-goat half-human half-male half-female demon stood behind the altar and applauded Apollo and Hyacinth as they made out.

Baphomet was immediately stabbed by the ghost of England’s King Henry V who suddenly appeared on the scene with his sword.

“Remember Saint Crispin’s Day!” King Henry V shouted.

“That idiot King Henry V just stabbed me!” Baphomet shrieked in a falsetto voice.

“He looks nothing at all like Sir Laurence Olivier,” Pope Francis commented.

“Or Sir Kenneth Branagh for that matter,” remarked an apparition of Defense Against The Dark Arts Hogwarts’ instructor Gilderoy Lockhart who appeared on the scene.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 25th
2018

13 Comments

  1. David Redpath said,

    Spoiler Alert in future,
    please
    Dracul!. All respect to Kennneth
    Branagh, but Sir Laurence Olivier’s
    portrayal of King Henry V 👑
    is an all time favourite of mine.
    Now Pope Francis has destroyed
    my faith in the whole picture.
    If not Hollywood itself!
    For no Hell, no Hollywood,
    no justice for poor Norma Jean,
    no overdue Brit Milah for Woody Allen
    administered by Rosemary’s
    baby,
    with Roman Polanski directing!?

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Laurence Olivier’s portrayal of King Henry V is my all time favourite Henry V portrayal as well.

      Francis is also currently stoned out of his mind to say nothing of his judgement is already piss poor when he isn’t stoned out of his mind so no attention should be paid to his non-infallible statements on what Henry V actually looks like.

      In my mind Henry V looks like Laurence Olivier.

      Just like Gilderoy Lockhart looks like Kenneth Branagh.

      Gilderoy Lockhart was right when he said Henry V looks nothing like Kenneth Branagh.

      Just like Pope Francis was wrong when he said Henry V looks nothing like Laurence Olivier.

      I myself stopped paying any serious attention to what Pope Francis says when he stated that Jesus was just a sinner like everybody else a few years ago.

      • David Redpath said,

        “When I’m gone don’t
        wonder where I be.
        Just say that I trusted
        in God and that Christ
        was in me.
        Say He defeated the devil, He was God’s chosen Son.
        And that there ain’t no man righteous, no not one.”
        ~ Bob Dylan

        I think I’ll go with Bob on this one.
        Pope Francis can go somewhere
        he doesn’t believe in!
        Talking of which, I met this
        Baphomet character once,
        in a bar, where he/she tried
        to pick me up. I knew something
        wicked was up when he/she
        had trouble hiding his/her
        enthusiasm from under his/her
        dress. I told this Baphomet
        squarely that I didn’t swing that
        way. He/she then replied most
        sinisterly, “If it’s good enough
        for the President, then it’s
        good enough for thee! I can
        now even throw in a Papal
        indulgence, as a sacrament.”
        I politely to him/her that I wasn’t
        religious, and promptly left.
        Not meaning to hurt his/her
        feelings.I do hope I did the
        right thing?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I think you did do the right thing.

  2. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    I love all the South Pacific in this one! Where did that come from? 😂😂 So random. I love the props to Canada’s new legal recreational! Ha ha! Although, can’t say I’ve seen much of a difference because of that! EVERYONE WHO WANTED TO WAS ALREADY SMOKING IT! 😂😂🚬

  3. Hyperion said,

    What a great tour you’ve taken us on here, Dracul. I think the only thing missing is when the pontiff is dressed in native grass skirt and thrown into the volcano to appease the fiery gods below. This would have the desired effect of one more year of the islands remaining above sea level. Of course, we must have the T-Rump GOO, playing the bongo drums and smoking a giant doobie dressed in woolen thong to add ambiance.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      That would definitely make a great scene. 😂😅

      • Hyperion said,

        Just think of the spectacle as ukulele music is played and pineapple margaritas are in abundance.

  4. Dracul Van Helsing said,

    And a leather skirted and black silk fishnet pantyhose wearing Asian dominatrix with a nice pair of knockers clicks her spiked stiletto high heeled shoes along the beach pier as her already low-cut blouse goes down even lower as Harry Belafonte sings “Coconut woman is coming out…”

    Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster is near the shore and explodes in the water as he sees this causing a massive tsunami that hits the other side of the Pacific and striking the City of San Francisco drowning both Nancy Pelosi and also thousands of Jesuit priests who are holidaying at the YMCA there.

  5. ortensia said,

    This was more a journey than a post…………❤️

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