The Duck Called Samuel Puddlington At Lake Louise: A Poem

December 30, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, Nature, Poetry) (, , , , )

He was the duck they called Samuel Puddlington
His girlfriend said he left things muddlington
since he often danced with other women
of the human variety at great estates while drinking gin gin
said she, “I find this neither fowl nor fair”
and left him for a strand of monkey hair
that had fallen from the American Trumpster’s toupee
that disgraced Scots German Donald who said there would be Hell to pay
unless Congress caved in and built him a wall
Sam took the news well and went to another grand ball

When he had finished dancing up a storm
like John Travolta with an itchy tape worm
his frog and rabbit friend suggested they go to Canada
and ski while wearing a bandana

So they headed way out west to beautiful Lake Louise
the gem of the Blue Canadian Rockies
They skiied here
They skiied there
and did so without underwear
but seeing as how they were animals no one minded
the same not the case for pot smoking Justin Trudeau who was fined-ed
for displaying nudity in public
while ho-hoing like Saint Nick

Later while having dinner at the Chateau Lake Louise
his rabbit and frog friend both started to sneeze
perhaps long underwear they should have worn
for they came down with colds and went to bed forlorn

Sam stayed in the dining room and finished his dinner
in dancing, skiing and eating he was always a winner
He noticed a gent had left his briefcase on a table
Being curious like oxen in a Nativity stable
He went over and took a peek
while finishing his soup cockaleek

They were the files of Carson Cody Albion Private Eye
a legendary immortal shamus detective guy
Sam helped himself to a gravy dipped French fry

Inside was an old black and white photo
black and white like Kansas for Toto
before reaching the colourful land of Oz
A land far away from reindeer and Santa Claus

The photo was of the legendary Jaguar Woman of New Orleans
a shapeshifting cat woman whose dress came apart at the seams

On a note next to the photo, Albion had carefully written
in writing so small, it could easily be flea bitten
if fleas would ever eat someone else’s words
but such thinking is for the birds
thought Sam like a duck out of water
as he watched bourbon getting the best of a drunken otter

Albion had written “The Jaguar Queen of New Orleans
whose dress in a 1930s jazz club came apart at the seams
is none other than Semiramis the legendary Queen of Babylon”
and Samuel Puddlington thought, What the Heck is going on
but that, dear reader, a tale to be told in a future New Year dawn

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday December 30th


  1. David Redpath said,

    Dracul . . .
    you are the Poet Laureate
    for the criminally disturbed,
    for I found myself hanging
    off every single word!

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you for that great complimentary epithet, David my friend
      as we are rapidly approaching this cataclysmic year’s end
      which T. S. Eliot if alive would have dubbed the cat’s rear end.

      A Poet Laureate for the Criminally Disturbed
      ne’re a greater title can one deserve
      far better than twitterless twit’s Twitter blurb
      as his hair is blown away in the wind at the curb.

      • David Redpath said,

        Yes, the criminally disturbed are, by nature
        and nurture, notoriously hard to please.
        Just ask my wife.
        2019 is sure to reel, as Donald says to
        Xi Jinping, “Let’s make a deal … But being
        a godless communist, no free spin on
        the capitalist prayer wheel!”
        As the ghost of Chairman Meow would say,
        “Chris. May you live in interesting times”.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, if I’m going to live in interesting times,
        I hope I’ll find the time to coin some interesting rhymes.

      • David Redpath said,

        And piece together the trail of geopolitical,
        mythological, and theological crimes, that
        no doubt, next year will abound.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed it will.

        And indeed I will.

  2. velvetscreams said,

    wow…great work here!

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