Renfield’s Escapades On August 6th 2021
British MP Renfield R. Renfield began his day by publicly calling for the assassinations of Maryland Republican Gov. Larry Hogan, United Airlines CEO Scott Kirby and CNN CEO Jeff Zucker.
Shortly after making the announcement, the Roman Catholic bishops of Colorado issued a statement saying that “Vaccination is not morally obligatory and so must be voluntary.”
Amadeus Emanon who was listening to the BBC World News with his girlfriend Angelique Dumont in her flat, when the two stories were mentioned one after the other, told her, “A lot of people don’t know this but Renfield was actually born in Manitou Springs, Colorado. Like Winston Churchill, he had an American mother and a British father save unlike Churchill, he was born in America and not Britain. No doubt the Catholic Bishops of Colorado don’t want Renfield returning to Colorado anytime soon.”
In the Vatican Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) threw a major spaz attack and temper tantrum when he heard about the Colorado Bishops’ statement.
Said he to his fruity aide-de-camp in a paraphrase of T.S. Eliot’s King Henry II of England in the play Murder In The Cathedral, “Who will rid me of this troublesome MP?”.
The fruity aide-de-camp stood like a tea pot as he held his wrist limply and answered in a voice much like that of writer Truman Capote, “Well I hope you don’t mind, Eminence, but it can’t be me. I always find my hair gets messed up whenever I cross the English Channel whether by air or by sea.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 6th
2021.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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