Joe Biden Sniffs Jacinda Ardern’s Hair

May 31, 2022 at 9:40 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (Joe Biden, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, Pope Francis, Vladimir Putin)

The Samaritan woman at the well heard the call of Jesus.
Joe Biden and Jacinda Ardern, who were busy making out in the Oval Office, did not.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises when he had a vision.

The vision was this:

Joe Biden and New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern were making out in the privacy of the Oval Office after their public press conference.

Joe Biden was busy sniffing Jacinda Ardern’s hair, “Is that Herbal Essences or VO5 that I smell?”.

“Oh, kiss me, Joe, kiss me,” Ardern moaned in ecstasy.

“I’m afraid I don’t know the members of KISS,” Biden picked a fly off the wall and ate it, “But I might be able to get ahold of Marilyn Manson or Alice Cooper for you.”

“Oh, Joe, Joe,” Ardern continued to moan.

“Oh, the smell, the smell,” Biden got a lock of the New Zealand Prime Minister’s hair caught in his nostrils.

He dropped a load in his Depends diapers.

“Oh, the smell, the smell,” Ardern shrieked before passing out.

. . .

The commander of the Swiss Guards came running into the study of Jorge Mario Bergoglio aka Pope Francis.

“Your Holiness,” the Swiss Guard commander said, “There’s a monkey loose in the Vatican.”

“What’s a monkey doing loose in the Vatican?” Bergoglio asked as he ate a banana.

“He escaped from one of Bill Gates’ experimental labs in Rome,” the Swiss Guard commander explained, “He jumped over the Vatican wall, claimed refugee status and is now wanting free range in the Vatican kitchens.”

“Does he have the pox?” Bergoglio was very concerned and he wiped sweat off his brow.

“We don’t know whether he has the pox or not,” the Swiss Guard commander shrugged, “we know he doesn’t have the vax.”

“Then he shouldn’t be in the Vatican,” Bergoglio wagged his finger in a very angry fashion, “There are two things we can’t have in the Vatican. One is the Latin Tridentine Mass. And the other is the unvaccinated.”

. . .

Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov was meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The Russian leader looked well despite rumours that he was ill.

The same could not be said for New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern who was currently barfing in the White House toilet at that moment.

Putin had just approved a Russian military intelligence plan to have an unvaccinated priest say a Latin Tridentine Mass in the Vatican this coming weekend.

“We’ve got another request from Pope Francis that he be invited to Moscow so that he can negotiate peace between Russia and Ukraine,” Lavrov noted.

“Put the request in the Kremlin trash can along with the others,” Putin directed.

“We also got a request from North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un that he be invited to Moscow to negotiate a peace between Russia and Ukraine,” Lavrov pointed out.

“Really?” Putin put down his bowl of borscht and smiled.

“Yes,” Lavrov nodded.

“Invite the two of them to Moscow together,” Putin had a glint in his eye, “let them hammer out a peace between Russia and Ukraine together.”

“All right,” Lavrov went to send off the invitations.

“At least the Western news media can’t accuse me of not having a sense of humour,” Putin drummed his fingers on his office desk top.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 31st 2022.