Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-un Day Speech To U.S. Troops

August 12, 2017 at 3:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Literature, News, Poetry, Satire) (, , , , , , )

Donald Trump’s Inspirational Pre-Fry Kim Jong-Un Day Speech To U.S. Troops

(with apologies to Will Shakespeare and Henry V over the Saint Crispin’s Day speech)

Donald Trump, preparing for war with North Korea, is set to address the troops.

He is informed by the ghost of the late U.S. Army General William Westmoreland that all transgendered enlisted have now left the U.S. Army.

Donald Trump gazing at what’s left says, “We happy few…”

Trump (beginning speech):

What’s he that twitters so?
My heroes don’t die Westmoreland? No, my late General
If we are marked to fry, we are enow
To do our country loss, and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour (if we ignore the lying news media)
My will, I pray me, wish not one man more
By Trump, I am not covetous for gold (for I have plenty already),
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost (whatever the Hell that’s supposed to mean
I’ll have to fire my latest speechwriter or Chief of Staff or press secretary),
It yearns me not if men my garments wear (for I am not transgendered- real men
can wear my garments),
Such outward things dwell not in my desires
(save to grab a fair woman’s ass as I said long years ago),
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive
(wow, this Bill Shakespeare was really prophetic
concerning my Presidency).
No faith my coz (save to attract Bible belt voters), wish not a man from England
(since my campaign slogan was America First!).
Trump’s pence! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more (my VP) methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have (finishing my term without impeachment)
O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through thy ghost,
That he which hath no stomach for this fight,
Let him depart (or be deported); his passport shall be made (and then revoked!),
And crowns for convoy put into his purse (when he is thrown beyon’ yonder wall);

(At this point the amateur actor Snout from the Midsummer Night’s Theatre Company appears in front of Trump dressed as a brick wall. He has graffiti on his brick wall garment that says Gringoland or Bust!)

Snout (as Wall);

In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall;
And such a wall, as I would have you think,…

Trump (pointing): Someone get this idiot out of here! Security! Security! Throw the bum out!

(Snout is grabbed by security and hauled away)

Trump (continues his speech quite literally ghostwritten by William Shakespeare):

We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called Fry Kim Jong-un Day
(how Saint Hannibal of Lecter celebrated pre-Vatican II teaching on Friday’s culinary diets)
He that shall live this day (shall feel he’s been microwaved) and comes peeling away home
Shall watch his toes fall off when this day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Kim Jong-un.
He that shall live this day (singing Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive) and welcome the New Age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast on his neighbours (or at least their remains),
And say ‘Tomorrow is Fry Kim Jong-un.’
Then will he strip his sleeve (with his new metallic cyborg hands) and show his scars,
And say, ‘These wounds I had on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.’
Old men forget (sometimes that they’re wearing a toupee); yet all shall be forgot
But he’ll remember, with cancerous sores,
What feets he lost that day. Then shall our names
Familiar in his mouth as decaying teeth-
Donald The Trump, Mattis and Tillerson,
McMaster and Kelly, Ivanka and Jared,
Be in their flowing cups (and streams of blood red) freshly rememb’ red.
This story shall the good man teach his son (Barron, where are you?);
And Fry Kim Jong-un shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world (Trump looks at his watch) “Possibly another hour”,
But we in it shall be remembered (if the lying news media says I’m senile, it’s fake news) –
We few, we happy (but not gay) few, we band of brothers,
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother, be he ne’er so vile (as to be transgendered),
This day shall toughen his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves lucky they were not here,
And hold their (TV) remotes cheap while none will speak
As they watch on the screen the mushroom cloud that fell on Fry Kim Jong-un Day.

-A Shakespearean satirical speech
written by Christopher
Saturday August 12th


  1. Hyperion said,

    Billy Shakyspear could not have done the Duke of New York a better elegy to hope. The Redhaired savior for all who fear the barbarian hordes that vault our privacy fence and make off with our fair children and food avoiding the fair taxes upon the land shall not let the murdering megamaniac of the east send his putrid seed of doom to our coveted Guam or treasured west coast, the birth place of modern hedonism. Fear not my friend of the fate of transgendered. Their quiet exit from the sins and inequity of nuclear whack-a-mole will leave them whole and sane to repopulate the world after the mole whacking is done. Plus, the much needed trillions of dollars earmarked for decades of study on how to remodel millions of restrooms in the halls of government to accomodate the multiple gender variations without threat to dignity and privacy will buy much need munitions to ensure every mole that needs whacking will receive a proper whacking thrice-fold. Be at peace my friend. Destiny, Karma, and Fate lie in a tryst that pleases them all equally under the obscured sun. 👳🏻🍑🍅

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      With that comment you’d do well in a Shakespearean play, my friend.

      My favourite comedians growing up were a Canadian duo called Wayne and Shuster who had their own show in Canada called the Wayne and Shuster Comedy Hour and they quite often appeared as guests on the Ed Sullivan Show.

      But a lot of their comedy sketches were quite often Shakespearean parodies of various things.

      They did one called the Shakespearean Baseball Game where argument between player and umpire would consist of lines like, “I have never seen so fair a foul.”

      • Hyperion said,

        I’ve always loved the Shakespearean actors and anyone that can do a useful Shakespearean comedy is talented indeed.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, anyone who trained as a Shakespearean actor can pretty well act any other role as well (as the captain in the second Star Trek TV series whose name I currently forget showed).

      • Hyperion said,


      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, Patrick Stewart.

  2. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    Mr. Bill Shakespear would be proud of this, Christopher! 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  3. Aak fictionspawn said,

    Interesting little speach. I’m scared to death, though. I really am. And I live far from North Corea.

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