Renfield Makes Minced Mincemeat Out of The Disciples of Santa Muerte

August 4, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Makes Minced Mincemeat Out of The Disciples of Santa Muerte

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was disappointed to read on his BBC News App that the drone attack assassination attempt on Venezuelan 🇻🇪 President Nicolás Maduro had failed.

Renfield had asked Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher to design some explosive drones for him which the great scientist had done.

Renfield had then sent the explosive drones to his ally the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez who along with Renfield had long been plotting the overthrow of the Marxist despot Maduro.

Francesca had hired some anti-Maduro Venezuelan Air Force Officers to carry out the attack.

Sadly they had failed.

Oh well, Renfield thought bitterly, if you want the job done, you generally have to do it yourself.

What with plotting against both Russia’s Putin and Turkey’s Erdogan in Europe, he had very little time these days to go to Latin America and overthrow or successfully assassinate Maduro.

A fact which he had often complained to his spectral friend the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill about.

New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont cleared her throat.

For the British MP was supposed to be having dinner with her and her boyfriend the British concert pianist Amadeus Emanon in a London pub.

Renfield remembered his manners (especially after recalling his latest session with dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes) and paid attention to Amadeus and Angelique’s discussion about the new Winnie The Pooh film the couple had just seen – Christopher Robin.

“Angelique, is that you?” A very beautiful and tearful 😢 young Mexican woman in a red rose patterned summer white dress approached her.

“Conchetta?” Angelique rose to hug and comfort her friend, “what’s wrong?”.

“I just received a text message from my best friend Artemisia back home,” Conchetta wept, “My entire family- mother, father, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins- in fact the whole entire village have been wiped out- massacred by the Disciples of Santa Muerte drug cartel. Somehow miraculously Artemisia managed to escape- the only one in the entire village who managed to escape.”

Conchetta tearfully managed to relate the whole story to the trio.

Amadeus and Angelique sat there in a total state of shock.

As did Renfield.

Who also was overtaken by the greatest surge of anger.

“Amadeus, do you know if the Boss,” Renfield was referring to his former and Amadeus’ current employer the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “still has his private Concorde jet on standby at Heathrow?”.

“I believe so,” said Amadeus.

Renfield excused himself paying his share of the bill.

He then rushed back to the Set Mansion in West London where he picked up some special supplies.

On his way out to Heathrow in the limousine, he conversed with friends he knew in the various world intelligence services about the Disciples of Santa Muerte.

He boarded Set’s private Concorde jet and within a few hours arrived in Mexico 🇲🇽 only kilometres from the colossal villa that served as the headquarters of the Disciples of Santa Muerte.

. . .

The Disciples of Santa Muerte didn’t know what hit them.

It had in fact been a Tesla sound wave pulse recently re-discovered by Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The sound wave paralyzed all the Disciples preventing them from moving.

It didn’t however shut off their nerve and pain sensations or vocal cords for that matter as Renfield could tell from the fact that as he slowly and painfully dismembered them bit by bit, he could still hear a small portion of their loud and shrill agonizing screams through the soundproof earplugs he was wearing.

Renfield’s friend the ghost of Orson Welles was on hand with his ghostly cameras and ghostly lighting crews to film the gory and bloody and excruciatingly slow and painful 😣 bodily dismemberments which the enormous talent of a film director would upload to YouTube later.

Renfield took the decapitated heads of all the slain Disciples of Santa Muerte and posted them on spikes in the Rose Garden of the White House on top of the garden wall underneath a large banner that read I Never Promised You A Rose Garden.

The dismembered hands he put in the glass display case of the expensive gloves department in the exclusive Saks Fifth Avenue store in New York City.

The dismembered feet he put in an expensive Nike shoes display in the same Saks Fifth Avenue store.

Thighs and legs he put outside KFC stores in San Francisco and Los Angeles.

Arms and elbows he put inside display cases in the Baseball ⚾️ Hall of Fame in the village of Cooperstown, New York.

The armless, legless and headless carcasses of cadavers he put outside a Planned Parenthood clinic in Chicago underneath a banner that read Just On The Extremely Minuscule Off Chance You Happen To Run Out of Human Body Parts To Sell To Global Food Conglomerates and Pharmaceutical Companies.

. . .

Q-Amon the great sorcerer and former Egyptian Pharaoh had one literal Hell of a massive bowel movement on his Columbian cocaine plantation when he heard about the wholesale slaughter of every single member of the Disciples of Santa Muerte drug cartel in Mexico 🇲🇽.

Renfield’s action was immediately publicly condemned by Pope Francis and his lavender clique of flashy flaming Liberace style priests for failing to take into account the personal nobility of soul of all the drug gang members.

The action also launched an intense public debate among commentators, analysts and self-proclaimed journalists on YouTube on whether or not this new Machiavellian and Genghis Khan Style approach to the War On Drugs might prove more effective than the limpwristed style approach to the War on Drugs that had been conducted by the U.S. government and its allies for the past 35 years which seemed to be going absolutely nowhere.

One Fox News commentator even speculated (for which he was soundly condemned in a tweet by Donald Trump) on whether this new Renfieldian approach to the Latin American drug cartels might deem the Trumpian need to build a wall on the southern border of the U. S. totally unnecessary.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 4th
2018.

20 Comments

  1. Orvillewrong said,

    Hail Renfield R Renfield, the Worlds latest Super hero!

  2. George F. said,

    Gotta Love your Renfield!!! Oh, I used the word “blimps” in my new post and laughed so hard at your character beheading all the blimps in your stories.

  3. George F. said,

    Where those body parts ended up…can’t think of a more appropriate protest…quite ghastly my main man, quite ghastly.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thank you, George. 😆

      Renfield always does everything with style and panache and quite often a dash of humour even when he’s dismembering terrorists and drug dealers. 😎

      And where he stuck the body parts- a great example of what they call performance art. 😂

  4. Hyperion said,

    It always does my heart good to see Renfield triumph over evil. I think he is so successful because he doesnt subscribe to bureaucracy and political correctness.

  5. David Redpath said,

    “Those thighs and legs
    taste just like chicken 🐔!”
    ~ a satified KFC customer

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      One of the few these days. 😂

      • David Redpath said,

        Amadeus wants to know
        what happened to those
        spicy Mexican breasts.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s what Lexington the White House Presidential butler and valet (the 1st cousin of Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) prepared for Donald Trump’s dinner that night -spicy Mexican breasts- since Trump has always liked breasts and the spicier the better.

      • David Redpath said,

        If perhaps, the Donald
        aquired a taste for
        the spice of Santa Muerte,
        he might choose to open up
        the borded to that Mexican
        marching powder?
        It would give him the power
        to devour more plump flesh
        … even in stormy weather.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, the Donald always enjoys devouring plump flesh particularly in stormy weather.

      • David Redpath said,

        A recipe worthy of Umberto!?

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, I’m sure there were a few Disciples of Santa Muerte members whose first name was Ricardo. 😂

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