Dulcinea Lucia’s Dream of Caesar Augustus

August 5, 2015 at 6:40 pm (Art, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Dulcinea Lucia’s Dream of Caesar Augustus

To sleep, perchance to dream was Hamlet’s wish
before Death was served to Denmark’s Royal Family on a dish.
In London in the year 2015
63rd in the reign of the current Queen
The calendar of the year had now moved to the month of August
like Marlon Brando’s moonlit tea house but I digress
And so on this hot steamy August night
as Bavarian steaks succumbed to dog bite
Dulcinea Lucia was finding it hard to sleep
She even failed at counting sheep
This lovely beautiful gypsy
alluring and sexy
who passed Pan Goatee’s test for feminine artistry
tossed and turned like the waves of the sea
no such cooling relief in London’s dry docks- a pity!

She finally got up and went to the shower
where her body inhaled the water like bee does pollen on a flower
She was now all wet
like a mermaid in the net
She did not bother to dry herself off
She fell on the bed, wet and nude, and said, “Mazel Tov.”
The incubus of dreams mounted her like a descending dove
bringing her dreams and visions from muses above.

She dreamed of the statue called Augustus of Prima Porta
Was it a weird bizarre dream for one to have? Sorta.
The statue was found in 1863
in a classical villa in Italy
It was found at the Villa of Livia at Prima Porta near Rome
so some distance from Saint Peter’s Dome
The villa belonged to Caesar Augustus’ third wife Livia Drusilla
a woman who lived before the invention of the birth control pill-a
which would have helped her nymphomaniac stepdaughter some
whose adultery certainly would have topped that of a Kardashian bum.

The Augustus of Prima Porta is now found in the Vatican Museums
a place no longer frequented by Irish Liams
banned for drinking way too much pints of Guinness
when they should have been tending to curator business.

Dulcinea in her dream noticed the statue come to life
Back in her day, it would have frightened Livia his wife
for there were rumours that Livia had bumped her husband off
historians ask- was it poisoned figs that did him in or just a bad cough?

The statue walked off its pedestal
which shocked a visitor from Istanbul
Said Augustus- this is my month, it’s August
and I see urbi et orbi have gone to rust
So I’ve decided to come back
and give imperial rule another crack.

The small Cupid at Augustus’ feet
found Emperor’s coming to life again rather neat
since both claimed descent from Venus
the goddess who aroused Paris’ penis,
Cupid shouted after Augustus, hey big brother, wait for me!
And the dolphin, on which Cupid rode, swam away to the sea.

-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 2nd


  1. righteousbruin9 said,

    Cupid, perhaps the first surfer.

  2. Sherrie de Valeria said,

    Paris has a “P”??? Oh my goodness!!! hahahaha …
    So the dog ate the steak – very gentleman that dog, like my Ambos. hehehe … Lovely poem.

    • draculvanhelsing said,

      Yes, I saluted the noble Ambos in my poem. 🙂

      Yes, Paris has a P—-. LOL !

      Of course the Paris I’m referring to is Helen of Troy’s lover Paris not Miss Hilton. LOL !

      Of course if Paris Hilton ever wanted to upstage Caitlyn Jenner in a manner even more upstaging than the obnoxious asshole Kanye West did to Taylor Swift, she could stand on stage with Caitlyn- the two of them wearing the most exquisite and expensive designer dresses and then suddenly Paris could lift up her dress and a penis would suddenly spring up from her ripping her pantyhose and Paris could say to Bruce/Caitlyn, “See Caitlyn, I have the best high jump ever.”

      • Sherrie de Valeria said,

        Kanye West is really an asshole. I saw that programme LIVE on TV where he did humiliated Taylor Swift. At that time she should have her song “Bad Blood” produced in the first place and have his ass shot by bazooka from all her female including Cindy Crawford. LOL 😛

        Speaking on Paris with the “P” that is what exactly what the world thought of Lady Gaga when the whole world thought they saw a “P” under her skirt while she dance on stage. LOL

        A Noble Ambos – who wears the crown … that is really a something. 🙂

  3. draculvanhelsing said,

    Yes, the noble Ambos wears a crown, the ignoble Kanye West sees an asshole reflected whenever he looks in the mirror and Lady Gaga is really a Gaylord with a penis. 🙂

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