The Bride of Baphomet: A Horror Poem

July 18, 2018 at 10:14 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Bride of Baphomet: A Horror Poem

Atargatis’ mermaid invasion of the Israeli state was called off
on the day marking death of last Czar Romanov
so this wedding could take place
for the Baphomet would not lose face
He was in Jerusalem for his wedding
while devil worshipers checked his hotel bedding
It was the day after the anniversary of Bolshevik royal slaughter
that the Baphomet would take his trip to the altar

Who was his Bride?
DARPA’s latest pride
Panty Goatee
with a cheese soufflé
her pussy could take a lot of heat
for someone minus goats’ legs and feet

And the Baphomet could lick on and on to his heart’s content
like a porno film with a Hellish bent
Pussy filled with cheese soufflé
For gourmet Eros was the order of the day

Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA had given the order
while volcanoes erupted in the land of Mordor

Panty’s twin brother Pan from whom she had been genetically cloned
wouldn’t be at wedding for he hadn’t been phoned.

So he had spent the day killing ugly females
with laser machete and his razor sharp nails
For he never got a manicure
but instead lopped off heads like combine in manure
Caligula Farms
definitely had its charms
for those who let their fat cows out of the barns

Diablotron the AI god
for whom Elon Musk was a silly sod
had instructed Faustus Imhotep on the wedding
right down to the size of nanite infested bedding
It would all come together like a Lovecraft tome
this wedding of Baphomet and Panty Goatee

The union of old gods with the new
So Armageddon can come true
Saint John might Divine
with all that’s fine
but the Apocalypse
Would follow Baphomet lips
Cheese soufflé is better with a mushroom
of an atomic variety for Bride and groom

The wedding would take place on the Temple Mount
recently vacated by Dracula the Count
The old Transylvanian/Wallachian
accompanied by a single Dalmatian
had taken a recent tour of the Holy City
And said aloud, it’s all very pretty

But it was called the City of Peace for nought
for it was a place for which many had fought
It was a scene of much blood and gore
awaiting a visit by Donald the bore
But until that time
when idiocy turns sublime
This royal wedding must take place
to let blood flow in this Holy place
Sacred to religions three
like Lakota warrior’s heart at Wounded Knee
It must all end in grief and strife
amidst much taking of human life

The Bride of Baphomet awaits
the cry of Banshees and Grecian Fates
Many threads of life will be cut
while she drinks blood from a golden cup

-A horror poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday  July 18th


  1. David Redpath said,

    With Valkyrie Bridesmaids
    by the dozen
    Knights Templar to usher
    the guests in
    with Great Caesar’s Ghost
    and Cleopatra
    to witness the occaison
    of Baphomet for once
    legally and solemnly
    getting his not
    inconsiderable end in
    with Pantee Goatee
    like a reenactment of 🐉
    ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’

  2. Hyperion said,

    I did truly have a thing for Panty Goatee, but now that she is married, I’ll have to settle for unrequitted love. It’s just as well. When I read her lady charms tasted like a cheese souffle, I could only think of a trip to the doctor to get that taken care of and immediately my affections returned to Sherrielock Holmes, my first love. Although I do find Lilith and her frog quite alluring. I do sense you went to bed on a bad stomach what with all this bowel movement revelations and now the delightful Panty Goatee getting royally reamed by the nefarious Baphomet. Hope you do get to feeling better. 😉

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Just for you, Daniel my friend.

      A preview of what happens next.

      The Black Jaguar snatches Panty Goatee away from the wedding just before before she says “I do” in answer to the officiating clergyman’s question, “Do you take this hermaphrodite half-man half goat for your legally wedded spouse?”.

      Also her pussy is not cheese soufflé.

      Instead she had been ordered to stuff her pussy with cheese soufflé by Dr. Faustus Imhotep since Baphomet is fond of eating cheese soufflé when he re-enacts Bryan Adams’ Summer of ‘69 song.

      So you can resume your lustful fantasies.

      Also no need to worry about me having a bad stomach.

      This poem was brought on by seeing too many ugly women for my liking yesterday.

      So I checked out the Pinterest photos of beautiful Goth women yesterday so I could resume my usual state of Renfieldian sex addict euphoria.

      It was then that I spotted this photograph and I immediately thought Bride of Baphomet.

      So I decided to write a poem based on this photo.

      And which one of my characters I thought might Baphomet consider for a Bride?

      And then I thought Panty Goatee.

      Of course there was no way I was going to have Panty Goatee actually marry the Baphomet (idol of a small group of satanic Knights-Templar and official patron Saint of the LGBTQ community in a yet to be released papal encyclical from Pope Francis).

      So I had resolved to, in the chapter after this, have the Black Jaguar snatch her away before she says her vows.

      Plus I chose cheese soufflé because it was the only food item that I could think of that rhymes with Panty Goatee.😂

      • Hyperion said,

        I feel my life has been returned to me. Poor Panty Goatee, while I am a strong advocate for stuffing pussies, I’d never use a cheese soufflé as that would be entirely too messy. I like a good summer sausage or for the vegetarian pussy, a healthy zucchini is always in hand. Of course, I find it titillating that Panty likes a good stuffing. 🙂

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes and if Donald Trump tried to use something other than his tiny hands to get into Panty Goatee’s pussy, Panty would be saying a line Walter Mondale once used against Gary Hart in a 1984 U.S. Democratic Party primary Presidential debate, “Where’s the beef?”.

      • Hyperion said,

        LoL! Those manly men that can poke, do. Those that can’t, grab.

  3. thebookwormdrinketh said,

    Her pussy full of cheese soufflé?? Why was she feeding cheese soufflé to her cat to begin with, doesn’t she know that dairy is actually bad for feline digestion?? 😉😂😂🍻

  4. velvetscreams said,

    So he had spent the day killing ugly females…..this made me smile😁

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      You were smiling because you would have been allowed to live by Pan Goatee, eh, Velvet? 😀

  5. Apple Rae said,

    Well okay, she’s not too hilarious after all, (maybe just the name) cause the way she carried that wedding outfit is just the bomb 😍 I have to admit this image of her is sooo hot! If she’s genetically cloned from Pan Goatee, then he must be a gorgeous man! Damn! 😍😍😍

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