Asmodeus, Bill de Blasio, Gal Gadot, Pachamama, Nimrod and The Miraculous Crucifix

April 2, 2020 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Asmodeus, Bill de Blasio, Gal Gadot, Pachamama, Nimrod and The Miraculous Crucifix

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio (like all Marxist totalitarian despots in waiting outside Communist China and North Korea) was trying his hardest to use the Coronavirus pandemic to shut down religious centres of worship like churches and synagogues permanently.

He had announced last Friday that not only would those places of worship in New York City that remained open and ignored social distancing be fined but they may be closed permanently.

Mainland Chinese leader Xi Jinping and the ghosts of Josef Stalin and Mao Tse-tung (roasting away on their respective spits down in Tartarus) heartedly approved of Mayor Bill de Blasio’s announcement.

As Mayor Bill left his home today, he was surprised to get a cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity.

Meanwhile Gal Gadot who was wondering whether as a celebrity she was subject to the same home isolation rules as those of the common masses was putting her make-up on.

She had recently led a “star” studded cast of celebrity airheads and freaks in singing John Lennon’s song Imagine.

One little girl (whose grandmother had just died from the Coronavirus that morning) started bawling when she saw a TV news clip of Gal Gadot singing “Imagine there’s no Heaven…”

A short time later as Gal Gadot was once again filming and recording herself on social media, a cream pie was thrown in her face by an invisible entity.

“She doesn’t look so wonderful now,” Amadeus Emanon skyped to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

. . .

The U.S. Navy destroyer the U.S.S. Spiro Agnew was sailing in the Caribbean Sea.

Ostensibly as part of a fleet of warships to stop the smuggling of illegal drugs.

Although there were some aboard the ship who wondered if it wasn’t to prepare for a U.S. military invasion of Venezuela.

That Trump might cave in to the American Deep State’s desire to invade Venezuela as a way of diverting the American people’s attention from the pandemic they were in.

Last week U.S. Attorney-General William Barr announced that he was charging Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and other senior officials in the country with narco-terrorism, drug trafficking, money laundering and corruption.

Even with social distancing, none of those assembled for the Barr announcement in the U.S. Justice Department building were at close enough range to one of the pillars in the foyer to notice the dusty cob web covered skeleton of one John Q. Doe who had, 30 years ago, said, “I’m going to hold my breath until the U.S. Justice Department charges the American CIA with narco-terrorism, drug trafficking, money laundering and corruption.”

Doe might still be alive today if he had not taken his own statement so literally.

So there was always the possibility that an invasion of Venezuela would fall in line with the announced policy of stopping the smuggling of illegal drugs across the Caribbean Sea.

Meanwhile aboard the U.S.S. Spiro Agnew, a U.S. Navy sailor had just spotted the ghostly outline of Christopher Columbus’ flagship the Santa Maria as well as the haunted ghost ship the Flying Dutchman.

. . .

The demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod were sitting in the middle of an empty Saint Peter’s Square in Rome drinking bottles of cognac.

They noticed a coffin going by.

“I wonder if that’s a Coronavirus victim,” Nimrod said as he used his long tongue to carefully lick up every drop of the precious liquid from the bottle that he had for the most part emptied.

“According to my sources,” Asmodeus lit himself 3 dozen cigarettes and put them in his mouth, “that coffin contains the 14th Century Sienese School Miraculous Crucifix that survived the San Marcello al Corso Church fire of May 22ndย 1519 and halted the Great Plague of Rome of 1522 but was unable to withstand Pope Francis’ long-winded Urbi et Orbi speech of this past March 27th 2020 as Francis blathered on comfortably standing under a canopy while the Miraculous Crucifix got drenched in the pouring rain since it was outdoors by itself with no canopy protecting it. The wood on the sculpture apparently tumefied and exploded as the rainwater penetrated it.”

“What part of Italy is the most devastated by the Coronavirus?” Nimrod asked as he opened up a bottle of Mexican beer that was more popular outside Mexico than it was inside.

“It’s the town of Bergamo Italy (population 122,000) that’s the epicenter of the epidemic,” Asmodeus answered as he used a fire extinguisher to put out his burning mouth, “where over 600 each day are dying from the virus.”

“Why does the name Bergamo ring a bell?” Nimrod inquired as church bells rang in the distance.

“It was the Bishop and the Diocese of Bergamo that were the first in Italy to publish the prayer to the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama on their website,” Asmodeus tried to bring back to life his water drenched cigarettes but was having about as much success as the Pope Francis invited Amazon female shaman who was using her rattles to try to raise the Miraculous Crucifix from its water drenched coffin.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 2nd
The 15th Anniversaryย 
of the deathย 
of Pope Saint John Paul II


  1. Anonymole said,

    Wait a minute. You mention Gal Gadot and don’t even include a picture? What’s going on here?

  2. Jessica said,

    Spain got more casualties than Italy. Gosh I’m sick of this pandemic… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, the pandemic is wreaking havoc. ๐Ÿ™

      • Jessica said,

        Tsk. I never imagined it would get this bad just 5 weeks after a friend made me aware of it. I’m tired of waiting for it to be over, I wish I could just wave my witch wand and make it vanish haha

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        People would defintely applaud the waving of that witch wand. ๐Ÿงน

  3. Kritika said,

    Tallbanger threw the cream pie on Gal Gadot. I like her. (Heartbroken)

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      So do I.

      But singing “There is no Heaven…” during a pandemic isn’t a compassionate thing to do.

      Admittedly she probably just liked the song.

      I do like the melody but not the lyrics of the song.

      Paul McCartney’s song Let It Be- I like both the melody and the lyrics.

      I think that is the choice facing the post-virus world- a world of John Lennon’s Imagine (a supposed Marxist-Leninist materialist utopian Paradise) or Paul McCartney’s Let It Be (a world where we listen to Mother Mary’s words of wisdom in times of trouble).

      • Kritika said,

        Okay. Understood your point here. ๐Ÿ‘
        Stay Safe.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Actually another reason Gal Gadot got a pie in the face is because of the poster I saw for the Wonder Woman sequel.

        In it, she was wearing pants instead of the short skirt she was wearing in the first film

        So I thought she was doing that throughout the entire film.

        After I wrote this blog post, I did look at the trailer for the sequel.

        She was wearing that same short skirt in the the trailer that I liked in the original film.

        So it was probably some homosexual poster designer (with no appreciation for the female form at its best) who designed that poster.

        Had I have known that, it would have been the gay poster designer who got the cream pie in the face rather than Gal Gadot.

      • Kritika said,

        Oh okay. Got you ๐Ÿ‘. ๐Ÿ˜Š

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


  4. David Redpath said,

    Perhaps as a truly altruistic gesture
    at this time, all those Hollywood
    celebrities should do something
    actually useful, and volunteer to be
    held incommunicado. in a medical
    research facility for the testing of experimental vaccines. Imagine all
    the celebrities screaming with side
    effects ๐Ÿ˜Ž

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      “Imagine all the celebrities screaming with side effects”. ๐Ÿ˜‚

      That does seem to fit the metre of Lennon’s song.

      Perhaps a revamped cover of the song could be issued for these times. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

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