The Mysterious Bavarian Crossbow Murders

May 13, 2019 at 10:16 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was investigating some mysterious murders committed with a crossbow in Bavaria.

The strange deaths happened in a rural hotel near the Bavarian town of Passau.

Two women and a man were found in bed impaled with several arrows.

Whitstable had been brought in to investigate on the off chance that the crossbow killer was the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos in which case such a paranormal killer would fall under Whitstable’s jurisdiction.

Whitstable had just read a text message on his smart phone that satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had just beheaded the ugly female manager of the store where the homicidally uglocidally incined half-man half-goat did his grocery shopping.

“I can’t believe,” Whitstable shook his head, “that the owners of the store would be so stupid as to hire an ugly looking woman as a manager at the place where Goatee does his grocery shopping.”

Oh well, Whitstable reflected, Calgary cowboys were famous for the fancy spurs on their cowboy boots and their bull legged way of walking not for their brains.

Getting back to the case at hand, Whitstable was not positive that Cernunnos was responsible for the crossbow murders at the hotel in Bavaria.

Cernunnos first appeared on the Interpol radar as a crossbow killer a couple of years ago when he shot and killed a group of wealthy hunters in the United Kingdom who were on an illegal deer hunt.

Then on a freelance mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield last year, Cernunnos had used his crossbow to fire a poisoned arrow into the testicles of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

If the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith hadn’t been on the scene to immediately suck the poison out, the Russian leader would have died.

Afterwards Lilith took her blue evening dress to a steam dry laundry cleaner in Moscow which boasted of its superiority to steam dry laundry cleaners in Washington DC.

So far, other than the fact that the murders were done by crossbow, there was little to connect Cernunnos to this particular crime.

. . .

In the corridors of the Vatican, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was discussing an Israeli government document with another Cardinal.

“Does Netanyahu really intend to go ahead with this?” Salaman asked the other Cardinal.

“Netanyahu thinks he can count on the unqualified support of Donald Trump,” the other Cardinal answered.

Just then, a being who was part man and part deer having a large set of stag horns and antlers on his head and wearing a mask over his eyes came walking down the halls of the Vatican carrying a crossbow and arrow.

The crossbow carrying being with stag horns fired an arrow at the Cardinal standing next to Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

“Oh, I am slain,” the Cardinal said as he keeled over.

“You certainly are,” Cardinal Salaman remarked as the man died in his arms.

The crossbow carrying deer/man ran off as distant pan pipes played the melody Tomorrow Belongs To Me from the musical Cabaret.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 13th
2019.

18 Comments

  1. Jessica said,

    Would a pretty woman be safe from being murder? That’s discrimination! You damn criminal.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, murderers these days seem to suffer from the same prejudices as the general population.

      Society really is going down hill as a whole. 😈

  2. Anne J. said,

    I don’t know if it’s meant to be funny. I think your stories are meant to be funny. They always get a good chuckle out of me. Haha! Love it. Oh, if I remember correctly, in the movie, Wanted, the one villain also said (to Angelina Jolie’s character) that the world isn’t too kind to an ugly face. Corporations do the same: they have good-looking receptionists. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Anne. 😊

      Yes, my stories are written in a satirical vein so yes they are meant to be funny. πŸ˜„

      • Anne J. said,

        Haha! Just making sure they’re not dark / thriller/mystery. πŸ™ˆπŸ˜πŸ˜‚

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        No, they’re not.

        Although they could be read as such as well. 😁

  3. Wonderblogz said,

    Hello sir . I am a new blogger, it would be a huge help if you follow my blog page.
    Thank you .

  4. David Redpath said,

    A Putin corsage on Lilith’s evening dress πŸ‘—β˜„οΈ
    I should image after all that poisoning, and
    sucking, Vladimir’s testicles could’ve been
    used as balls for the roulette wheel. Giving
    a new meaning to ‘Russian Roulette’ 😎

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, that would be one Russian Roulette wheel worth investigating.

      One never knows the forms that Russian collusion will take.

      The corsage is the message. πŸ˜†

  5. David Redpath said,

    “Well blow me down!” ~ Hillary Clinton

    “Never bet against the Red.” ~ Ernesto Guevara

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      “All bets are off.”
      -Xi Jinping

      “China has been very unfair in its dealings with the U.S.”.
      -Donald Trump

  6. David Redpath said,

    That’s exactly what Queen Victoria said when
    the Emperor tried to stop the opium trade.

  7. David Redpath said,

    Yes, the Chinese Emperor actually lowered
    himself to writing a letter to Queen Victoria
    pleading with her to cease the opium trade,
    but she refused to even read it.
    I wonder if she would’ve bothered reading
    Donald Trump’s tweets?

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