The Mysterious Bavarian Crossbow Murders

May 13, 2019 at 10:16 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was investigating some mysterious murders committed with a crossbow in Bavaria.

The strange deaths happened in a rural hotel near the Bavarian town of Passau.

Two women and a man were found in bed impaled with several arrows.

Whitstable had been brought in to investigate on the off chance that the crossbow killer was the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos in which case such a paranormal killer would fall under Whitstable’s jurisdiction.

Whitstable had just read a text message on his smart phone that satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had just beheaded the ugly female manager of the store where the homicidally uglocidally incined half-man half-goat did his grocery shopping.

“I can’t believe,” Whitstable shook his head, “that the owners of the store would be so stupid as to hire an ugly looking woman as a manager at the place where Goatee does his grocery shopping.”

Oh well, Whitstable reflected, Calgary cowboys were famous for the fancy spurs on their cowboy boots and their bull legged way of walking not for their brains.

Getting back to the case at hand, Whitstable was not positive that Cernunnos was responsible for the crossbow murders at the hotel in Bavaria.

Cernunnos first appeared on the Interpol radar as a crossbow killer a couple of years ago when he shot and killed a group of wealthy hunters in the United Kingdom who were on an illegal deer hunt.

Then on a freelance mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield last year, Cernunnos had used his crossbow to fire a poisoned arrow into the testicles of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

If the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith hadn’t been on the scene to immediately suck the poison out, the Russian leader would have died.

Afterwards Lilith took her blue evening dress to a steam dry laundry cleaner in Moscow which boasted of its superiority to steam dry laundry cleaners in Washington DC.

So far, other than the fact that the murders were done by crossbow, there was little to connect Cernunnos to this particular crime.

. . .

In the corridors of the Vatican, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was discussing an Israeli government document with another Cardinal.

“Does Netanyahu really intend to go ahead with this?” Salaman asked the other Cardinal.

“Netanyahu thinks he can count on the unqualified support of Donald Trump,” the other Cardinal answered.

Just then, a being who was part man and part deer having a large set of stag horns and antlers on his head and wearing a mask over his eyes came walking down the halls of the Vatican carrying a crossbow and arrow.

The crossbow carrying being with stag horns fired an arrow at the Cardinal standing next to Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

“Oh, I am slain,” the Cardinal said as he keeled over.

“You certainly are,” Cardinal Salaman remarked as the man died in his arms.

The crossbow carrying deer/man ran off as distant pan pipes played the melody Tomorrow Belongs To Me from the musical Cabaret.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 13th
2019.

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Cthulhu’s Cardinal and A Welsh Werewolf On Saint David’s Day

March 1, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The February 1928 issue of Weird Tales in which H.P. Lovecraft’s character of Cthulhu is first introduced to the world in the short story “The Call of Cthulhu”.

Since Samhain Cardinal Salaman’s official episcopal title (bestowed on him by Pope Francis) was the Archbishop of the Welsh Diocese of Llanthony Abbey and the Black Mountains (a diocese officially created for the kabbalistic magic practicing former professional stage magician by Pope Francis), the Kabbalistic Cardinal said a Mass in commemoration of Saint David since Saint David is the Patron Saint of Wales and today March 1st was Saint David’s Day.

After saying Mass and having a breakfast of Welsh rarebit that frightened off the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre’s painted egg laying rabbit Vincent Van Yolk because he thought the cardinal said “Welsh rabbit”, Cardinal Salaman had coffee with the Zeus and Apollo worshipping Cardinal JM (As the Cardinal was known by his initials being the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service).

Salaman informed JM that the gypsy vampiress and resident Vatican tarot card reader Stephania Borgia had prophecied that he, Samhain Cardinal Salaman, would become the next Pope if he could convince Francis to elevate a Welsh werewolf to the Cardinalate.

This would of course entail Salaman to visit his diocese in Wales in hopes of finding himself a Welsh werewolf.

The problem was since Francis had already artificially created a new diocese in Wales to make Cardinal Salaman an Archbishop, where would this new Welsh werewolf (if he could find one) Cardinal have his diocese?

Cardinal JM laughed and said, “No problem. Pope Francis has already named a committee to see if it’s possible to canonize H.P. Lovecraft’s character of Cthulhu a Cathoic Saint since the Holy Father feels that naming the hundreds of meters tall octopus, dragon and giant human hybrid Great Old One malevolent deity who came down from the dark stars a Catholic Saint would constitute a huge breakthrough in ecumenism and inter-faith dialogue.”


Cthulhu: Will he be proclaimed a Catholic Saint by Pope Francis?

“Well, it probably would constitute that,” Cardinal Salaman had to admit, “but how will that help me out?”.

“Well, His Holiness is thinking of declaring the lost South Pacific City of R’lyeh (close to that ocean’s Nemo point) where Cthulhu and his other vast loathsome shaped entity Great Old Ones reside hidden in green slimy vaults in the nighmare corpse city beneath the sea a Catholic Archdiocese which will of course require an Archbishop.”

“My problem is solved,” Salaman smiled as he threw the tarot card of Death down on the table.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron was being briefed by the Australian-French head of the French Intelligence Service Inspector Jocko Clouseau that the right-wing populist government of Italy was plotting his overthrow.

“How do they plan to do this?” Macron asked as he ate his French toast that had been prepared in the shape of a cougar.

“They’ve formed an alliance with a Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI who is intent on restoring the Bonapartist Empire to France with himself as Emperor,” Clouseau read aloud from his ketchup and gravy covered notes, “This Kraken used to be the Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus who, after he was diagnosed with an incurable fatal disease, uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg Octopus- part living octopus and part robot. The self-proclaimed Napoleon VI later met and married the immortal Medusa who was the Gorgon of Greek mythological fame. Medusa is now a good looking and sexy woman again thanks to a radical haircut that removed her snakes that was administered by the famous British scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robot barber Edward Scissorhands the 2nd.”

“Did you say that this Medusa was a sexy and good looking woman again?” Macron was down to his third last piece of cougar toast.

“That is correct,” Clouseau pulled a cheeseburger out of his coat pocket and started eating it.

“Being immortal, she’s probably a lot older than I am,” Macron reflected as he was down to his second last piece of cougar toast.

“Undoubtedly,” Clouseau added a pinch of garlic to his cheeseburger.

“I’d like to meet her,” Macron wiped his mouth with a napkin after finishing his last piece of cougar.

. . .


Medusa was once again a sexy looking woman.

. . .


Celebrating Saint David’s Night at her home in Wales was the Welsh vampiress MP Morgana.

The Welsh vampiress Morgana was about to celebrate Saint David’s Night in Wales with the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Minutes later at a Bed and Breakfast down the street, her former political opponent in the last British general election the former Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was awakened by the resulting tantric sex earthquake.

The former MP now turned Private Eye (who was also a werewolf) longed for a silver bullet so he could get some sleep.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 1st
2019.

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Morgana and Dracul, Vampyra and The Kabbalistic Cardinal

February 28, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


The Welsh Vampiress MP Morgana sitting on top of her coffin in an Estate’s private forest in London

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had gone to the Austenbronte Estate in London where the Welsh vampiress Morgana kept her coffin filled with her native Welsh soil.

He had received a phone call from her to meet her there.

As he approached her, she sat on her coffin smelling a flower she had found growing in the late February snow.

“Some flowers are blooming early,” Dracul remarked.

“And thistles aren’t far behind,” Morgana answered.

“And who are the thistles?” Dracul deduced that Morgana was speaking in code.

Morgana continued to smell the flower, “It was someone at the Vatican who sent those demon worshipping Tibetan Buddhist monks to try to cast a spell on my parliamentary colleague Renfield with their demon possessed musical instruments a few nights ago.”

“Yes, Renfield was forced to cancel attending last evening’s London premiere of the movie Captain Marvel because the Church of England’s leading exorcist Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was forced to perform an exorcism on Renfield’s container of Gillette Shaving Cream in Renfield’s bathroom last night,” Van Helsing noted, “although I’m surprised Renfield didn’t give up using that product weeks ago after that fruity Gillette commercial hit the TV airwaves back in January.”


Last night’s London premiere of Captain Marvel: Which Renfield was unable to attend due to a close encounter with a demon possessed container of Gillette Shaving Cream

“And would you like to know who gave the order for the Tibetan demonic attack on Renfield?” Morgana asked the vampire hunter.

“I would,” Dracul took out his notebook and his ink dipped raven feather quill pen.

“Someone who goes around the Vatican singing Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina,” Morgana smiled.

. . .

Samhain Cardinal Salaman lay in bed at the Vatican.

He hoped he wouldn’t be awakened again early in the morning by a certain bozo in white robes who went around singing the same song from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Evita every morning.

He fell asleep and dreamed he met the 1950s American TV horror movie hostess Vampyra who sat on a coffin and offered him a smoky concoction.

Cardinal Salaman eagerly drank the smoking potion.

He soon found himself transported to the Vatican Gardens where he encountered the gypsy vampiress Stephania Borgia:

Stephania Borgia informed him, “If you wish to be the next Pope, you’re going to have to convince Francis to elevate a Welsh werewolf to the Cardinalate.”

“Where am I going to find a Welsh werewolf?” The Kabbalistic magician cardinal asked himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 28th
2019.

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Goddesses and Vampiresses On Saint Valentine’s Eve

February 13, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The Persian goddess Anahita: A Saint Valentine’s Eve surprise for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing

Dracul Van Helsing was down at the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium on London’s Canary Wharf.

He was there to return a Persian flying carpet that the ghost of Orson Welles had borrowed to fly to Chicago and avoid all the heavy snowstorms that had recently been occurring at Chicago’s O’ Hare Airport.

As he walked into the head office of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s Persian carpet warehouse partner the Persian goddess Anahita, she was there waiting for him:

Anahita: Good evening, Mr. Van Helsing.

She raised her dress and touched her legs as if she was doing a TV commercial for Venus Leg Care Products from Gillette.

“Soon Venus will be the only products that Gillette makes for both women and men,” Dracul remarked as he gazed at her.

Anahita lay back on the floor, “I hear that New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady while being shaved at Gillette Headquarters in Boston announced to the world that his wife Gisele Bundchen was a witch but a good witch who helps him win football games through the use of altars, candles, rituals, declarations of intent, healing stones and mantras.”

“I hear the same,” Dracul put down the magic carpet, “and a friend of mine in Huntsville, Alabama tells me that Gisele’s grandfather (or was it her great-grandfather?) was a Nazi SS officer who fled to Brazil from Germany after the war. An SS officer who participated in the highest Nazi satanic SS rituals.”

“Generational witchcraft,” Anahita sighed, “so what spirits is Gisele communing with?”.

“I have no idea,” Dracul answered, “and I do not intend to find out.”

“Did you know that David’s son King Solomon practiced witchcraft and sorcery?” Anahita ran her hands through her hair.

“So I’ve been told,” Dracul replied, “which is probably why the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry has been so anxious to see Solomon’s Temple rebuilt.”

“Did you ever time travel to Solomon’s original Temple?” Anahita asked.

“I did,” Dracul nodded.

“And did you enter Solomon’s Temple?” She asked him with a knowing and inviting smile.

“That I did,” the vampire hunter’s answer was affirmative.

“And would you like to enter my temple?” Anahita licked her lips and raised her dress.

“I would,” Dracul spoke the truth.

Next door in the weightlifting room as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was working out and lifting weights in an effort to impress his crush Sherrielock Holmes, the voice of Frank Sinatra could be heard on the crustacean’s iPhone singing, “That old black magic has me in its spell…”

Dracul entered Anahita’s temple.

. . .

“And where are you going, Count?” the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith asked Dracula on the forest trail through the Carpathians as she saw him approach.

“Lilith!” Dracula was astounded.

It had been centuries since she had turned him into a vampire.

Both wolves and ravens turned and fled from the site of this reunion.

. . .


“Thank you, your Eminence,” Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal addressed the kabbalistic practicing Cardinal Samhain Salaman.

“You are welcome,” the Cardinal bowed.

“That alchemical ritual you performed with the blood I gave you makes me look even younger than my usual young self,” Allatallahbel smiled.

“The blood you gave me in that test tube helped,” said Samhain Cardinal Salaman, “whose blood was it anyways?”.

“Ariana Grande’s,” Allatallahbel licked her vampiric incisors.


Ariana Grande: Her blood provided youthful rejuvenation to Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 13th
Saint Valentine’s Eve
2019.

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Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

October 3, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

At the Vatican in Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was still in heavenly bliss after spending a night making out with the Vampiress Allatallahbel’s astral body twin double the succubus Asherah who was wearing a sexy nun’s outfit of veil, short skirted habit mini dress and black silk pantyhose.

Pope Francis was still vomiting 🤮 Gadarene pigs’ feet.

He got a Get Well card from Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy which gave him a recipe for a Korean pork dish with the inscription, “Try this. Korean pork is a lot healthier and less demonically possessed than Gadarene pork.”

At Brisbane in Australia 🇦🇺 meanwhile the pervert friendly and demon worshipping Roman Catholic Archbishop Mark Coleridge was having a dream where he was dressed as an ancient mariner and slaying albatrosses with a cross bow left, right and center.

A group of angry sailors angry that their ship had crashed on the rock as a result of Archbishop Coleridge slaying so many albatrosses ripped the gold pectoral Cross off from around his neck and put a necklace of albatrosses around his neck.

The Archbishop’s gods Baal and Baphomet appeared to him and said they actually preferred the necklace of albatrosses around his neck rather than the Cross.

Archbishop Coleridge went into a pub and downed several pitchers of Carlton Draught.

After doing so, the Archbishop went into a reception hall and stopped a wedding guest from entering the hall in order to tell him his story of the slaughter of the albatrosses.

The wedding guest punched Archbishop Coleridge and sent him flying across 3 oceans into a British Premier League football ⚽️ stadium.

The Archbishop decided to become a hawker of goods in the stadium and went around shouting “Albatross! Albatross!”.

“What does it taste like?” asked a spectator.

“How do I know what it tastes like?” The Archbishop retorted angrily, “It tastes like bloody sea bird bloody flavour.”

“Do you get wafers with it?” The spectator asked.

“Of course you don’t get bloody wafers with it,” Archbishop Coleridge answered as Communion wafers fell out of his ass by the truck load.

“All right, I’ll take that one then,” the spectator paid the Archbishop and the Archbishop ripped the selected albatross off his necklace of albatrosses and gave it to the man.

Archbishop Coleridge was then attacked by a zombie 🧟‍♂️ Norwegian Blue parrot tired of pining for the fjords and so brought back from the dead.

The Archbishop fell from the stands on to the field.

On the field, he was set upon and choked to death by a python 🐍 named Monty.

After kicking the bucket, Archbishop Coleridge was horrified to discover that his idol Pope Francis was wrong about Hell.

Mercifully at the moment Coleridge tumbled into the flames 🔥 while Australian singer Olivia Newton John sang, “Xanadu, your neon lights will shine for you, Xanadu” while the Mongolian Chinese Emperor Kublai Khan stood and applauded, the Archbishop suddenly woke up.

It had all been a dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 3rd
2018.

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Vatican Roulette- Gambling On There Being No Hell

October 1, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Vatican Roulette- Gambling On There Being No Hell

Pope Francis was having a late night supper in the Vatican with Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal, the 6 last surviving Vampiric Knights-Templar, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, his horse a zombie black horse named Bucephalus Reborn and Amourous Laetitia the personal black cat and familiar of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft).

Samhain Cardinal Salaman (a former professional stage magician who knew how the Indonesian ghost magician The Sacred Riana and the Canadian-American magician Shin Lim performed their tricks and illusions) had been invited to the dinner but declined when he heard what was on the menu.

On the menu was pork – pork that had been found either at the bottom of a lake or the bottom of a sea by Allatallahbel’s friend the mermaid 🧜‍♀️ goddess Atargatis (who was the mother of Semiramis the famous Assyrian Queen).

The sea bound pork was becoming quite indigestible.

Bucephalus Reborn the zombie black horse was quite literally throwing up cotton from eating it.

Pope Francis promptly lost his appetite for eating cotton candy at a circus anytime in the near or far foreseeable future.

It was fortunate for the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden that he only ate pumpkin 🎃 pie 🥧.

Thus avoiding the pork.

Amourous Laetitia decided to throw in the towel and become a vegetarian for the first time in her millennia old life.

She not only lost her pork dinner as a result of this meal but brought up her lunch as well.

That old buzzard of a vulture didn’t taste as good coming up as it did going down.

“I wonder where Atargatis got this pork from?” Allatallahbel threw up all over the gay Jesuit priest who served as Pope Francis’ valet.

Gospel of Mark Chapter 5:

Jesus exorcises the Gadarene demoniac asking the unclean spirit possessing the man, “What is thy name?” and the unclean spirit (or spirits) replies, “My name is Legion: for we are many.”

The demons possessing the man asked Christ to send them into some nearby swine.

Jesus granted them leave to do so.

The unclean spirits went into the swine and the herd of about 2000 ran off a cliff into the sea and were choked in the sea 🌊. (Mark Chapter 5: 1-20).

. . .

The leaders of the United States, Mexico and Canada announced that they had agreed to a renewed NAFTA trade deal to be renamed USMCA (United States Mexico Canada Agreement).

After Donald Trump had issued a victory tweet announcing the formation of USMCA, a group of Greenwich Village bathhouse employees wearing nothing but jockey briefs (which had pictures of Donald Trump at the back of the briefs) came out and did a dance routine on the streets bending over and singing a paraphrased version of an old 1970s Village People song, “Down at the USMCA…”

. . .

The newly installed Samhain Cardinal Salaman (former professional stage magician and ex-practicing Kabbalist) wasn’t sure whether he believed in the God of Catholicism or not.

But then years ago, Pope Francis had said that there was no Catholic God.

Still Samhain Cardinal Salaman decided to go down to Saint Raphael’s Chapel and pray to “whom it may concern”.

When he entered the chapel, he saw this vision greeting him:

A nun dressed in very unusual nun attire.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 1st
2018.

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Actual Rings of Fire Beyond Smoke and Mirrors? Or Millstone Around Neck Midnight Swims?

August 24, 2018 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Television, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Actual Rings of Fire Beyond Smoke and Mirrors? Or Millstone Around Neck Midnight Swims?

“It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”

-Jesus Christ to His Apostles
as recorded in Luke 17: 2 (KJV)

“Where their worm dieth not and the fire is not quenched.”

-Jesus Christ to His Apostles
as recorded in Mark 9:48 (KJV)

“Why is she called the Sacred Riana?” Pope Francis asked Samhain Cardinal Salaman (who had been a professional stage magician prior to his being named to the Vatican College of Cardinals) after he and the Cardinal watched clips of Indonesia’s great female magician, mentalist and illusionist performing on America’s Got Talent.

Cardinal Samhain Salaman (the ex-magician) shrugged.

He genuinely did not know.

. . .

The defrocked former priest gulped.

And not because he was watching Pennsylvania Attorney-General Josh Shapiro discuss the Grand Jury report on priestly sexual abuse at a news conference in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on CNN News.

He had just received word from a colleague of his (they had been involved in a group of 12 pedophile priests in the same city- part of a much larger pedophile network of priests in Pennsylvania that in turn were part of a much larger pedophile network of priests in the U.S. that in turn were part of a much larger global pedophile network of priests across the world) that 10 of their colleagues had been burned to death in their residences.

. . .

“Help us, Riana, help us,” the voices of children – both boys and girls called out to the long haired young Asian woman in the red dress and white silk tights as she tried to sleep.

The long haired young Asian woman saw sinister looking figures dressed in black robes approaching the children and asking in almost demonic sounding masculine voices, “Do you want to play?”.

“Avenge us, Riana, avenge us,” the children cried as they disappeared under the robes of the sinister men in black.

. . .

The defrocked former priest thought he saw an arm in blue emerge out of the mirror in his bedroom.

He also thought he saw smoke emerging from the mirror.

He walked over to the mirror and a long haired young Asian woman dressed in a blue dress and white silk tights reached out her right blue sleeved arm from the looking glass of the mirror and grabbed the defrocked priest by the throat.

Fire burned in the background in the mirror as the young woman stepped out from the mirror.

Soon other long haired young Asian women dressed in blue dresses and white silk tights emerged from the mirror as the fire in the mirror continued to expand.

The defrocked priest turned to get away when he noticed standing on top of his dresser was a long haired young Asian woman in a red dress and white silk tights who was holding a doll in one hand and with her other hand seemed to be directing the blue dress wearing long haired young Asian women to attack the pedophile defrocked priest.

The young Asian women ripped the pedophile defrocked priest apart as flames engulfed his entire house.

The next morning as the Fire Department and the police went through the blackened rubble of smouldering charcoaled remains, all that was found intact was a silver Crucifix, a statue of the Virgin Mary and a glimmering antique mirror that had carved wooden dragons, worms, snakes and flames around the edges.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 24th
2018.

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Dogs Instinctively Know Bad People From Good

July 12, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Dogs Instinctively Know Bad People From Good

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol received an email from New York City’s Interpol office saying that the Mexican Consul-General in New York City Juan Diego Garcia had been assassinated by an unknown female assassin by one of the side doors of the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John the Divine in New York City.

Senor Garcia had gone to Saint John the Divine for a meeting with some of the city’s church ⛪, mosque 🕌 and synagogue 🕍 clergy to discuss an organized religious opposition to Donald Trump’s proposed wall on the U.S. – Mexico border.

Due to his sudden beheading by the sexy unknown female assassin who pulled a carving knife from her panties underneath her skirt, he was unable to attend the meeting.

Interpol New York asked Whitstable if he knew the identity of the unknown woman who was captured on video camera and whose video of her criminal action went viral on the Internet.

. . .

U.S. President Donald Trump was attending a sculpture unveiling outside The Trump Arms pub in London.

He was applauded by a group of 100 Trump supporters, Brexit opponents and ultra British nationalists.

Police were on hand to hold back the crowds of Trump opponents which was 90% of the City of London.

Trump had had a hectic past couple of days.

He spent yesterday at the NATO summit insulting German Chancellor Angela Merkel and spent today in London insulting British Prime Minister Theresa May.

How To Win Friends and Influence People was definitely not a bestseller Mr. Trump would be writing anytime in the near future.

The statue he would be unveiling tonight would be of himself Donald Trump depicted as a statue called Christ of The Sermon On The Wall.

The sculpture was done by an ultra-nationalist English Brexit supporter and immigrant opponent.

The sculpture showed Trump in Christ like robes and Christ like pose delivering a sermon standing on a wall dividing the U.S. from Mexico rather than the Mount of Beatitudes near Capernaum where Jesus of Nazareth once preached.

Standing in the crowd awaiting the unveiling with a huge smile on his face was the recently created Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman the newly installed Archbishop of the newly created Welsh diocese of Llanthony Abbey and The Black Mountains.

Up until a few months ago, Salaman had been a professional stage magician and master illusionist who performed under the stage name Salaman The Magician.

“Ladies and gentlemen and those of you who are miserable opponents,” Trump began his speech, “I very much deserve this great honour that has been bestowed upon me- being depicted as Christ the Saviour of The World. In my humble and modest opinion, no one living on the earth at this moment in time deserves it more. As you know this coming autumn, my son-in-law Jared Kushner will be unveiling a comprehensive Middle East peace plan that will win me this year’s Nobel Peace Prize and we’ll all be able to finally shout in words I believe that Christ himself once used, “Peace and safety.”

The crowd immediately in front of The Trump Arms Pub applauded.

“The Romans which included that Roman who was most like me- Julius Caesar had a saying, “Unleash the dogs of war”, Trump laughed, “but with this statue unveiling, I say unleash the doves of peace.”

Trump unveiled the statue and standing there growling were two monstrously huge demonically possessed dogs- a giant spectral wolfhound and a three headed Saint Bernard with the head of a Rottweiler, the head of a Bassett Hound and the head of a chihuahua for its three heads.

The giant spectral wolfhound who was the Reincarnated Hound of The Baskervilles had been a Dachshund called Bashful prior to becoming demonically possessed.

And the three headed Saint Bernard with the head of a Rottweiler, Bassett Hound and chihuahua who was called the Neo-Modernist Cerberus For Our Times had been a Welsh corgi called Friendly before becoming demonically possessed.

The two dogs had become demonically possessed as a result of fooling around with a Ouija board.

An exorcism attempt had been performed on the pair by the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church and his volunteer assistant Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds MP Renfield R. Renfield.

The demonic duo however had broken their iron chain and leash that held them and bounded into the English countryside where they somehow managed to end up under the tent that covered the now vanished statue of Trump As The Christ of The Sermon On The Wall.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman The Magician smiled as he pulled the actual handkerchief of Queen Anne Boleyn out of his pocket.

The two demon possessed dogs meanwhile chased Trump into the arms of the Baby Trump temper tantrum throwing rubber inflatable that had just become dislodged from its moorings.

. . .

Meanwhile a video surfaced showing another dog’s reaction to a rising young American political leader New York’s 14th Congressional District Democratic Party nominee Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 12th
2018.

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