Greek Goddess Hera and Samhain Cardinal Salaman

September 5, 2022 at 9:40 pm (Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera was modelling at a fashion show in Rome, Italy

Bothered by the infidelity of her chronically unfaithful husband the Greek god Zeus, Hera was trying to gain some self confidence by modelling among the most beautiful women in the world at a fashion show in Rome.

Among the guests who would be attending the fashion show was Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

Cardinal Salaman was one of the few heterosexual Cardinals to work in Pope Francis’ Vatican which had been described by one commentator as “one vast uncloseted closet of gays”.

The Grindr hook-up app was the most downloaded app in the Vatican today.

Pope Alexander VI (aka Rodrigo Borgia) was turning over in his rotating barbeque spit down in Tartarus over the news that his Vatican of intense heterosexual lust and orgies had become a Vatican of intense homosexual lust and orgies under Pope Francis.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was anxious to see real women for a change rather than the fairy queens who paraded up and down the halls of the contemporary Vatican.

Although according to members of Joe Biden’s cabinet and the brainless mainstream media there was no such being as a real woman anymore.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was impressed by Hera’s performance on the catwalk in this early September Roman fashion show.

After the show was over, he went backstage to the dressing rooms to talk to the Olympian goddess.

“Excuse me but aren’t you the Greek goddess Hera?” Samhain Cardinal Salaman asked her.

Hera the beautiful goddess (often left alone by the “always searching for a new pussy” Zeus) turned to look at him.

“I am,” she answered, “Aren’t you Samhain Cardinal Salaman the only heterosexual Cardinal who works full time at the Vatican?”.

Later that evening the Cardinal and the goddess had dinner and wine together in an exclusive Rome restaurant.

“So how did you recognize me?” Hera asked the Cardinal.

“From your busts, statues and portraits that are kept in the lower floors of the Vatican,” Samhain answered, “At one time they were on the main floor of the Vatican but after Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elected Pope, all those works of art were moved downstairs and replaced by all the busts, naked statues and nude portraits of the ancient Greek gods. No goddesses allowed.”

“It’s a wonder why Francis has not commissioned new works of art for the Vatican that are inclined towards his tastes,” Hera licked a pair of olives from her martini.

“Well it was tried once with a notorious Australian male model named Uncle Ernie (who had posed for Salvador Dali back in the 1950s). Uncle Ernie served as the model for a nude Goliath. However after the world’s first microscope, invented by Dutch father and son team Hans and Zacharias Janssen in 1590 and kept in the Vatican Archives, was broken after the papal investigation team tried to locate something that was apparently far far less than gargantuan on Uncle Ernie posing as Goliath’s statue, a new work of art was never commissioned again,” Cardinal Salaman explained.

“Interesting,” Hera swallowed the olives.

They got around to discussing the recently failed Artemis 1 moon rocket launches.

“I’ve been told they failed because Artemis is furious that Joe Biden apparently killed at least two of her sacred deer on a deer hunting expedition last fall,” Cardinal Salaman ate his spaghetti.

“That is true,” Hera nodded, “Originally Artemis just thought that one of her sacred deer was slain. So senile old fool Joe sacrificed a daughter from an extra marital affair to Artemis last Thursday in Philadelphia. Just before Joe gave his Hitlerian Fuhrer like speech (with Nazi flag colours in the background behind him) in Philadelphia in which he threatened to send the military after half of the electorate in the country. ”

“Yes, I heard that Joe did such a good job at impersonating a Hitler under the influence of alcohol and an Henry VIII style over indulgence in roast beef (the original Fuhrer was both a teetotaler and a vegetarian) that apparently an independent film producer is thinking of making a film in which both Joe Biden and Justin Trudeau will have the lead starring roles,” Cardinal Salaman noted, “The movie will be about Adolf Hitler meeting Jesse Owens at the 1936 Summer Olympics.”

“Yes, I heard that too,” Hera smiled.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday September 5th
2022.

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Pope Francis Adopts Witches’ Calendar To Promote Season of Creation

September 1, 2022 at 10:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, Vampire novel, witchcraft) (, , , , , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was reading the latest directives from Pope Francis.

Pope Francis was ordering that all Vatican linked institutions must turn over their accounts to the Vatican Bank by October 1st 2022.

“What’s up with that?” Cardinal Salaman wondered.

He then read a report from a Vatican Jesuit spy in Washington DC.

According to the Vatican Jesuit spy, Joe Biden sacrificed some unknown young woman to a statue of the Greek goddess Artemis while a NASA big shot named Dr. Nachash Naga sang the Leonard Cohen song Hallelujah.

“I think that particular Jesuit spy must be eating too many magic mushrooms,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.

He then read another directive from Pope Francis.

Francis had just proclaimed a new season called the Season of Creation which runs from September 1st to October 4th.

Interestingly enough the Southern Hemisphere Spring/Northern Hemisphere Autumn Equinox falls smack dab in the middle of the Season of Creation.

Which leads one to speculate that Pope Francis had borrowed his idea for a Season of Creation from the witches’ wiccan calendar.

Francis seemed to be heavy into practicing witchcraft these days.

A number of years back he had opened a Catholic World Youth Day by carrying a witch’s stang into the assembly.

Back on October 4th 2019 the Pontiff presided over a ceremony in which an idol of the Inca demon goddess Pachamama was brought into the Vatican.

Then on July 27th 2022, Francis listened with his hand over his heart as a Huron-Wendat shaman invoked the Spirit Great Grandmother of the West who was the leader of the Circle of Spirits.

The Spirit Great Grandmother was known by various names such as Spider Grandmother in Navajo, Hopi, Apache and Pueblo traditions. She was the pre-Columbian Teotihuacan Great Goddess. She was called Toci Yoalticitl by the Aztecs. She was called Ixchel by the Mayas.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman fell asleep and dreamed he was visiting a misty marsh he often visited in his boyhood.

In the middle of the misty marsh was a vampiress witch who was celebrating Pope Francis’ new Season of Creation.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday September 1st
2022.

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Cardinal Salaman’s Dream About Dante and Virgil

June 17, 2022 at 10:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) ()

Those who are wise keep their lamps lit in these times.
Those who are foolish do not.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was asleep in his bed.

It was difficult being one of the few heterosexuals who worked at the Vatican these days.

And today he had read an advanced notice about an announcement that Pope Francis would soon be making about world geopolitics and global religion.

Most of the governments of the world should love him, Big Business should love him and the mainstream media should love him.

But what about the average worshipper in the pew?

What would his or her reaction be?

Salaman had a dream where the classical Roman poet Virgil and the medieval Florentine poet Dante visited him.

They took him to a deep circle of Tartarus.

They pointed to a rotating barbeque spit over open flames.

A sign read THIS IS JORGE MARIO BERGOGLIO’S FINAL ROASTING PLACE.

Dante and Virgil advised Samhain Cardinal Salaman not to join him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 17th
2022.

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The Children of Hecate

March 13, 2022 at 11:09 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee visits a local community college and its Hall of Fame

World-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was walking down the street when he saw a fat ugly blimp and her moronic low-IQ boyfriend rushing towards a bus stop even though there was no bus approaching.

Goatee put his astral laser machete into auto boomerang mode and threw it at the uglo-moronic duo.

The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then beheaded her moronic low-IQ boyfriend and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

As Krampus arrived on the scene to pick up the remains and take them down to Tartarus, the machete then went to a nearby Chinese laundromat to get all the blood and guck washed off it before returning to Pan Goatee as a boomerang.

The initial test for this boomerang astral laser machete was originally conducted by Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie at his Cumelita Show down in Sydney, Australia.

That test was an initial disaster resulting in the beheadings and deaths of hundreds of Uncle Ernie’s paying customers who were sitting in the audience.

The machete was wisely given to a German aeronautics firm who used their German aerodynamic skills to make the astral laser machete into the weapon that it is today.

As opposed to whatever Uncle Ernie’s bumbling Australian “what the Hell is he doing skills?” would have turned it into.

Later as Pan Goatee was enjoying a Big Mac and Diet Coke inside a McDonald’s, his enjoyment was interrupted by a thin ugly looking stoat and her two ugly looking offspring entering the restaurant section where he was sitting.

Goatee beheaded the slim ugly looking stoat uglo and her two ugly looking offspring and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each while commenting, “To think all this pre-emptive strike action was brought about by the Austro-Hungarian Augustinian monk Gregor Johann Mendel and his ground breaking genetic research into garden peas.”

“I wonder if Mendel’s peas left such a mess behind on the floor?” A customer commented as he watched all the blood and body parts gathering on the floor prior to Krampus’ arrival.

“They would have if he was diabetic,” Jarod Jerome Le Gnome commented.

Meanwhile in Victoria, British Columbia, B.C.’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant NDP Premier John Horgan was insulting the B.C. Freedom Truckers’ Convoy who were planning to descend on the provincial capital in protest against the socialist despot’s draconian vaccine mandates and lockdowns.

Horgan was condescending towards his opponents like all pompous and arrogant champagne socialist despots are.

“Goodness me, get a hobby,” Horgan’s gums flapped like the wind at the world’s biggest pork and beans barbeque and chili cook-off.

Horgan had a B.C. Salmon and Wild Thistle Cream Pie thrown in his face by a Kootenay area sasquatch whose hobby was throwing B.C. Salmon and Wild Thistle Cream Pies into the faces of people who are total assholes.

Meanwhile at the Vatican, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was wondering why Jorge Mario Bergoglio aka Pope Francis wasn’t dead yet.

He had watched Francis drink the entire cup of Tibetan Buddhist tea with the piece of wolfsbane and the jade key to Beijing’s forbidden city in it.

He had also watched Francis eat the recipe for Uncle Ernie’s vegetarian based koala bear and kangaroo meat stew also without any noticeable side effects.

“The man must have sold his soul to the devil to withstand such poisons,” Salaman deduced.

Meanwhile Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was sitting reading a newspaper at the Yaroviv military training area in Ukraine which is about 12 miles from the Polish border and about 25 miles from the city of Lviv located in western Ukraine.

Among the headlines Yaldabaoth read was “Barack Obama Says He Tested Positive For Covid-19”.

Interesting, Yaldabaoth mused.

This was followed by another headline that read, “Justin Trudeau Says He Tested Positive For Syphilis”.

Very interesting, Yaldabaoth mused again.

Suddenly the Yaroviv military base was struck by 30 missiles fired by Russian warplanes flying over the Black and Azov Seas.

Yaldabaoth dropped a load- Joe Biden style- when the attack hit.

“Thank God you shit green and not brown,” the ghost of W.C. Fields remarked as he was playing a game of golf in the area.

The ghost of Orson Welles meanwhile sat in his arm chair in the living room of the Set Mansion in London.

He read some recent history.

“In early 2013 Jen Psaki, when she was spokesperson for the Hillary Clinton State Department, was asked about secret plans for a proposed coup d’etat against the then government of Ukraine.
A year later the Obama Administration, with the support of George Soros’ financing, helped set up the new anti-Russia government of Ukraine.”

“In 2015, it was revealed that George Soros had spent hundreds of millions of dollars in Ukraine and had planted special operatives throughout the country.
This was not done to make Ukraine an independent and sovereign nation state (since Soros hates independent and sovereign nation states) but to make Ukraine an invioable part of the New World Order proposed by Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum.”

“Then in 2017, Neo-Con Senators Lindsey Graham and John McCain travelled to Ukraine and promised top military leaders that “the U.S. would give them everything they need to go to war against Vladimir Putin.”

Welles’ ghost organized the scene in his mind.

3 witches (children of Hecate) on a Scottish heath are transported to Ukraine.

Jen Psaki along with Lindsey Graham and John McCain in drag are the 3 witches.

“When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?”.

“When the hurly-burly’s done,
when the battle’s lost and won.”

“That will be ere the set of sun.”

“Where the place?”.

“Upon the heath.”

“There to meet with MacPutin.”

While Welles’ ghost meditated upon and directed the scene in his mind,
British MP Renfield R. Renfield entered the room and announced, “Did you know that Renfield was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Sunday March 13th
2022.

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Pan Goatee and The Tragedy of A City Engulfed In Uglos

March 12, 2022 at 10:27 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pan Goatee gives advice to a Malaysian youth on what pastel colours to wear to a Michael Voris retreat

There was no doubt about it.

The City of Calgary was engulfed by uglos.

They were everywhere.

Ruining people’s days.

Sneaking up on people out of the blue.

And a blue colour that might be worn like the likes of the wig wearing self-proclaimed chaste sodomite Opus Dei apologist for Pope Francis- Michael Voris.

Leading people to Hell by saying that the last vomit of Satan (aka Jorge Mario Bergoglio) was the true Pope.

And Calgary was not only leading people to Hell.

It was Hell.

With the vast number of repulsive uglo females walking its streets.

Pan Goatee was walking up a street when a repulsively ugly medium sized ugly gargoyle tried to walk past him.

“What is it with you uglos being total morons?” Pan Goatee raised his astral laser machete and beheaded the ugly looking thing, “Don’t you know who I am?.”

He then cut the ugly looking thing up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion etc. etc. pieces.

There wasn’t much left of the repulsive uglo to carry down to Tartarus by the time Krampus arrived.

Pan Goatee then went to a McDonald’s where he bought a diet Coke and then read the local newspaper which he didn’t read back in the days when it was full of Covid propaganda and BS.

What was true in the War in Ukraine he wondered?

Just that a visible demon Vladimir Putin was battling the in the closet demons of George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab.

He wondered if the genetically created ugly women of Calgary was a Putin plot to demoralize the West?

It was certainly demoralizing the City of Calgary.

What a place for a Brian Bulroney (Brian Bulroney a Progressive Conservative asshole from Quebec had been the worst Prime Minister Canada had ever had prior to the advent of Justin Castro Trudeau) Conservative loser like Jean Charest to announce that he was running for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Conservative Party?

Making the announcement in a city of uglo women.

No wonder Charest was the Canadian brainless mainstream media’s darling and favoured choice to be the next Canadian Federal Tory leader.

Pan Goatee personally favoured Dr. Leslyn Lewis for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Conservative Party.

Goatee suddenly noticed a medium sized ugly gargoyle and her more attractive friend enter the McDonald’s but then they went and sat at the back of the restaurant where such uglos and their friends belong.

Later when Goatee left the restaurant, he noticed the ugly gargoyle and her friend walking down the sidewalk.

They then walked in front of him.

Goatee beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He then did the same to her more attractive friend just on the off chance that such ugliness was contagious.

Goatee then walked to the Dollarama store.

The same one where he had beheaded the big heap ugly squaw and her moronic non-brave boyfriend yesterday.

Today when he entered he was shocked to see that a fat ugly blimp was working as the cashier.

He then beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee headed across the street to the grocery store.

There he passed a police cruiser where the testosterone filled jackass had parked the police vehicle on most of the sidewalk blocking access to pedestrians.

The Fascist pig cop was giving a hard time to a homeless person who had dared to sit and rest on a bench.

“Come on!” The pig oinked like Klaus Barbie on steroids, “Go to a homeless shelter or something. These benches are meant for respectable folk to sit on and not the likes of you.”

Goatee removed his astral laser machete from his sheath and beheaded the New World Order porker.

He then cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus arrived on scene to carry the porker to the deepest level of Tartarus.

Goatee went into the grocery store.

He was pleased to see that his Friday afternoon massacre of uglos yesterday had done its job and there were no uglos to be seen.

Goatee purchased a package of genuine Alberta cheddar cheese- his favourite- and headed home.

As he walked along the sidewalk heading towards his neighbourhood a repulsive fat ugly blimp who could have entered her car from her house before Goatee’s arrival or after Goatee’s arrival chose the moment that Goatee was walking down the sidewalk to ungrace the world with her obnoxious presence.

Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion pieces x 999 trillion pieces ad infinitum.

There wasn’t much left of the repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp by the time Krampus arrived on the scene to carry the remains down to Tartarus.

Goatee also beheaded the fat ugly blimp’s more attractive friend and dismembered her on the off chance that such ugliness was contagious.

. . .

At the Vatican in Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was concerned with Pope Francis’ covert plans for an Unholy Holy Crusade against the Russian people because of Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau had expressed his support for the idea while in Poland and Latvia.

Senile old fool Joe Biden was thinking of flying the Pope to a nuclear missile silo where the pontiff would sprinkle some Unholy Holy Water on the nuclear missile that would be used in a “limited” nuclear war strike on Moscow.

Cardinal Salaman decided that the only solution would be to bump Bergoglio off.

After all good Popes had been bumped off in the past (the most recent having been Albino Cardinal Luciani Pope John Paul I back in the early autumn of 1978 who wished to throw the Mafia money launderers out of the Vatican Bank).

Why not bump off a bad Pope?

With his gloved hands, Samhain Cardinal Salaman put the slice of wolfsbane into Bergoglio’s cup of Tibetan Buddhist tea.

And then dropped the key to Beijing’s forbidden city into it.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 12th
2022.

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Curtains Over The Biden-Bergoglio Meeting

October 28, 2021 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

The meeting between senile old fool Joe Biden and Communist puppet of the Antichrist false prophet Jorge Mario Bergoglio would not be televised live tomorrow.

In addition to that, the White House’s airheaded Press Secretary Jen Psaki and brainless mainstream media reporters of the White House Press Corp would not be allowed to attend the meeting.

Both Ms. Psaki and members of the Press Corp had thrown major spaz attacks and temper tantrums as a result of the Vatican’s decision.

The Cardinal who headed the Vatican’s secret service and spy network was codenamed Cardinal JM (J stood for Judas as in Iscariot and M stood for Manasseh the Apostate King of Judah) and he explained to Samhain Cardinal Salaman the reason for the Vatican’s decision.

As Cardinal JM’s personal secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe frolicked in a hot tub with a couple of gay Jesuit priests, Cardinal JM showed Cardinal Salaman a diagram of secret drawings that were presented to certain select people at this past weekend’s Vatican Conference On Transhumanism.

Plans were already well underway for the New Age Satanic Matrix.

Getting everybody vaccinated was part of the plan.

Unfortunately there were a few stubborn people out there who refused to be vaccinated.

Mark Zuckerberg (an alumnus of the Voldemort School of Satanic Wizardry) had today announced the change of name from Facebook to Meta.

Part of Zuckerberg’s plans for his New Age Satanic Matrix called the Metaverse.

Of course Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos already had plans for New Age satanic matrixes of their own.

The question for humanity was, from which man would you buy a used New Age Satanic Matrix?

There were such matrixes back in the day developed by Semjaza, Azazel and Nimrod around the time of Noah’s Flood and the building of the Tower of Babel.

This time around instead of using vertical structures such as towers and pyramids to bring about a gnostic matrix, horizontal structures such as 5G Networks would be used.

Which would be helped by putting graphene in vaccines.

At the Biden-Bergoglio meeting at the Vatican tomorrow, the demons Baal and Baphomet would be present along with the Fallen Archangel Mephistopheles.

It was determined that the Church and the world might not be prepared for the Pope and the U.S. President publicly meeting with Baal and Baphomet and Mephistopheles just yet.

Both Church and world would be ready soon but probably not until after everybody had their third and fourth doses of the vaccine.

Francis had already brought in the demon Pachamama (an Inca earth mother goddess that was a dragon to woman and back again shapeshifter) to be worshipped and venerated in the Vatican Gardens and Saint Peter’s Basilica back in 2019.

Last week the demonic Aztec god Tezcatlipoca (Aztec god of night and sorcery) was prayed to and venerated in a Catholic Cathedral in California’s San Bernardino County with Pope Francis’ blessing of course.

Everything was leading to the point where all Hell would break loose on Earth.

An Irish goddess comes to life in the British Museum.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 28th
2021.

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Will Dracula Be The Next Pope?

July 27, 2021 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was sitting in his office at the Vatican.

Although Francis required all Vatican employees and visitors to be be vaccinated with the Covid non-vaccine (none of the so-called vaccines for Covid were technically vaccines but rather genetic serums but most of the public was too dumb and gullible to know that. Since Big Pharma, Big Government, Big Business and the mainstream media called it a vaccine, it was obviously a vaccine to them), since most of those working at the Vatican were paying more attention to their gay sex hook-up Grindr apps on their phone rather than who was vaccinated, nobody bothered to note that Samhain Cardinal Salaman had never been vaccinated.

Salaman was informed that he had a visitor.

Sergius Materiy the Russian Orthodox Archbishop of Astana, Kazakhstan.

Salaman invited the Archbishop into his office.

“What can I do for you, your Eminence?” Salaman asked the Archbishop.

“I’m here to discuss something your Eminence,” The Archbishop answered, “Since you work in the Vatican, you are probably more aware than I am about the rumours swirling around that Francis is on the verge of kicking the bucket. Hence his reasoning and his rush to proclaim the motu proprio Traditionis custodes into law and restrict the celebration of the Tridentine Mass.”

“Yes, I’ve heard those rumours,” Cardinal Salaman nodded, “I’ve been told that the only one who hates the Latin Tridentine Mass more than Francis is Lucifer himself.”

“His recent operation wasn’t as successful as he and his doctors had hoped?” Archbishop Materiy asked.

“I’ve been told (unofficially of course) that his main trouble is his reaction to the Covid non-vaccine that he received earlier this year,” Salaman replied.

“Anyways, the reason I’m here is…” the Astana Archbishop paused, “Well you no doubt heard that a few years ago an expedition was sent to Castle Dracula in Transylvania in order to remove the wooden stake from Prince Vlad III Dracula’s heart and bring him back from the dead. The purpose being to have Vlad III Dracula fight the ISIS Islamic State in Syria and also to stop Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan from bringing back the Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that was the purpose in bringing Prince Vlad III Dracula back from the dead,” The Cardinal nodded.

“Anyways I’m going to give you this document,” Materiy handed him a piece of paper, “It describes a plan for a post-Francis world. A world where Dracula is the next Pope.”

“Dracula as the next Pope?” Salaman was astounded, “But Dracula currently isn’t even a Cardinal. How will he get to be Pope?”.

“Read on, MacDuff,” The Archbishop paraphrased Shakespeare as he pointed towards the document.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 27th
2021.

Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula ponders the question, “Will my father Count Dracula be the next Pope?”.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Erroneous Notion of White Supremacy While Exorcist Recalls Demonically Possessed Nun

July 26, 2021 at 10:08 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again in the neighbourhood dollar store.

And there in the line-up was another repulsively ugly looking white woman.

There seemed to be a surplus of repulsively ugly looking white women wandering around the dollar store this past week.

What was up with that?

The Calgary Stampede was over.

Ugly looking white women should be back in the corral or the closet where they belong.

It was probably the influence of all these annoying pansies and fruits who go around celebrating Pride Week then Pride Month then Pride Year and now Pride Century, Pan Goatee reasoned.

Soon it will be Pride Millenium.

Instead of a 1000 Year Reich, it will be a 1000 Year Rainbow.

One guarded by Ernst Rohm and not Heimdall.

This ugly looking white woman had blue hair.

Pan Goatee blamed the preponderance of ugly white women in the city, in Alberta and in Canada as a whole on the influence of that odious western world political disease known as Critical Gender Theory radical Marxist feminism.

The abhorrent ideology turned any female who heavily imbibed its contents into a creature so repulsively ugly it caused even the Devil himself to vomit all over the place.

“My God but you’re ugly,” Pan Goatee quoted the John Cleese character of Basil Fawlty as he beheaded the ugly looking white women with blue hair, “You and others like you certainly rip a big hole into that erroneous theory of white supremacy. Any race that produces the likes of you certainly has nothing whatsoever to feel superior about. Hitler must have been insane.”

Goatee went on about Hitler’s insanity as he sliced the ugly white woman with blue hair into 999 trillion pieces, “Some individuals seem to be prone to all sorts of neuroses and psychoses. And I guess Hitler was obviously one of them.”

. . .

As most of the priests in Pope Francis’ Vatican were currently engaged in the Monday night gay sex orgy, the daughter of a Rome boarding house owner was wandering the halls and walls of the Vatican trying to find a priest who would come and administer the Last Rites to one of her mother’s lodgers an elderly priest and long retired exorcist.

The girl happened to run into one of the few heterosexual Vatican curia officials Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Cardinal.

Cardinal Salaman accompanied the girl to her mother’s boarding house and administered the Last Rites to the dying exorcist.

When he had finished administering the Last Rites, the old exorcist spoke.

“There was one exorcism I recall more vividly than all the rest,” said the exorcist, “it was a nun who was demonically possessed.”

“Go on,” the Cardinal nodded, “A nun who was demonically possessed…”

“She was demonically possessed by an entity that identified itself as the Spirit of Pachamama,” the exorcist continued.

“The Spirit of Pachamama?” Cardinal Salaman was astounded.

“Yes,” the exorcist answered, “The nun had become possessed while giving birth to a child. The child’s father, the nun had told her fellow nuns in the convent, was a bishop.”

“How long ago was this, Father?” The cardinal asked the exorcist.

“Many many years ago, Father,” the old exorcist replied.

“Did the child live?” Cardinal Salaman wanted to know.

“Yes, the child lived,” the exorcist nodded.

“How old would the child be now?” Salaman inquired.

The exorcist did not answer.

For he had gone to his reward.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 26th
2021.

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Ash Wednesday 2021

February 17, 2021 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was walking the streets of Rome.

Away from the Vatican.

He could not stand the hypocrisy of the place.

He himself was an atheist with some leanings towards Jewish kabbalistic mysticism.

Thus he was surprised when he was invited a few years ago by Francis to become a Cardinal and ended up being baptised, confirmed, ordained a deacon then a priest and then consecrated a bishop and then elevated to the Cardinalate all on the same day.

Still he found today’s display of a whole bunch of priests, bishops and cardinals pouring ashes over one another’s heads (instead of using the ash to mark the Sign of the Cross on one another’s forehead) a bit much.

It seemed that the Vatican was more concerned with the worship of the One, Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus than it was with the worship of Jesus Christ True God and True Man.

He found it strange that those who professed to believe the Catholic Faith did not do so.

Maybe he should leave the Cardinalate.

The smell of mendacity was too much for him to stomach.

As he walked along the street, he came in sight of an elderly priest with a silvery white beard.

The man stood holding a small bowl.

“Good evening, Father,” the Cardinal greeted him.

“Good evening, your Eminence,” said the priest, “Do you know what day it is?”.

The Cardinal was about to say “It’s Wednesday” and then he thought carefully about it and instead answered, “It’s Ash Wednesday.”

“It is,” the priest nodded and then taking ashes from the small bowl marked the Cardinal’s forehead with the Sign of the Cross using the ashes saying, “Dust thou art and unto dust thou shalt return.”

And with that the priest vanished.

Quite literally vanished.

Just disappeared.

Into thin air.

Not knowing what to make of it, Cardinal Salaman continued walking.

It must have been a figment of my imagination, the Cardinal thought to himself.

He happened to pass a fountain.

He looked down and noticed his reflection.

The Sign of the Cross in dark black ashes was there on his forehead.

Looking very very real.

And not illusory.

A church bell rang in the distance.

Only once.

Seemingly the only sound on these desolate Roman streets in this the 2nd year of the One Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus.

On this Ash Wednesday 2021.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Ash Wednesday
Wednesday February 17th
2021.

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Pope Francis Has Dinner With Baphomet

October 21, 2020 at 10:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman the former professional stage magician turned Cardinal was having a telephone interview with his former ghostly stage apprentice Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander reporter for The Times of London.

“Well,” Samhain Cardinal Salaman began, “Pope Francis has decided to mark the one year anniversary of Austrian Catholic layman Alexander Tschugguel throwing the Pachamama idols into the Tiber River by announcing that he’s in favour of sodomite civil unions.”

“How was the announcement made?” Belvedere wrote swiftly in his spectral notebook with his spectral quill pen.

“Through the world premiere of a movie that Pope Francis had shown in Rome today,” Salaman answered, “The movie is called Francesco and is about Pope Francis’ favourite person of all time Pope Francis and his agenda for a pro-Sodom and Gomorrah Communist utopia that he envisions for a post pandemic world.”

Meanwhile in his Vatican apartment, Pope Francis was having dinner with the demon Baphomet to celebrate the occasion.

An Amazon River rainforest guinea pig was suckling milk off the Baphomet’s female breasts as the demon was seated enjoying Black Forest venison and a glass of red wine.

The demon Baphomet is of course part goat and part human as well as part male and part female.

Francis called out to his chef as he ate his own plate of venison, “Luigi, this particular brand of salt seasoning you used on this venison is supurb. Where did you get the salt?.”

“From the Midde East, oh great Vicar of Cthulhu and Mictlantecuhtli,” Luigi answered, “From a pillar of salt.”

“A pillar of salt?” Francis raised his left eyebrow.

“It was apparently called Lot’s Wife by the locals for some reason and was said to have to stood in that one spot for millenia,” Luigi explained, “A group of Jesuit archeaologists this past summer who were excavating by day and having Dionysian Apollo and Hyacinth gay sex orgies by night decided to bring back the pillar of salt with them and presented it to my kitchen. I decided to save the salt for a special occasion and today marks the first time I’ve used it.”

“Lot’s wife?” Pope Francis rubbed his chin 🤔, “That name sounds familiar for some reason.”

“I believe it’s mentioned in the Bible, your Non-Holiness,” Luigi bowed and went back to his kitchen.

“Hm, it’s been ages since I last read that book,” Francis thought as he sipped his wine.

Meanwhile Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft strolled up on to the table.

A large saucer of Baileys Irish Cream (which she preferred to milk) had been left out for her.

She eagerly licked it up and then pranced off meowing, “Hic! Meow! Hic! Meow! Hic! Meow!”.

Up on the window ledge, Cernunnos the Celtic stag horned god was holding his cross-bow and arrow.

The part stag part human deity was pissed that Francis and the Baphomet were eating deer meat.

Cernunnos fired his bow.

The arrow took off Francis’ papal white cap and continued on its way striking the Baphomet in the left testicle.

Francis’ papal white cap on the Baphomet’s left testicle was somehow highly symbolic of how the day went.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 21st
2020.

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