Will Dracula Be The Next Pope?

July 27, 2021 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was sitting in his office at the Vatican.

Although Francis required all Vatican employees and visitors to be be vaccinated with the Covid non-vaccine (none of the so-called vaccines for Covid were technically vaccines but rather genetic serums but most of the public was too dumb and gullible to know that. Since Big Pharma, Big Government, Big Business and the mainstream media called it a vaccine, it was obviously a vaccine to them), since most of those working at the Vatican were paying more attention to their gay sex hook-up Grindr apps on their phone rather than who was vaccinated, nobody bothered to note that Samhain Cardinal Salaman had never been vaccinated.

Salaman was informed that he had a visitor.

Sergius Materiy the Russian Orthodox Archbishop of Astana, Kazakhstan.

Salaman invited the Archbishop into his office.

“What can I do for you, your Eminence?” Salaman asked the Archbishop.

“I’m here to discuss something your Eminence,” The Archbishop answered, “Since you work in the Vatican, you are probably more aware than I am about the rumours swirling around that Francis is on the verge of kicking the bucket. Hence his reasoning and his rush to proclaim the motu proprio Traditionis custodes into law and restrict the celebration of the Tridentine Mass.”

“Yes, I’ve heard those rumours,” Cardinal Salaman nodded, “I’ve been told that the only one who hates the Latin Tridentine Mass more than Francis is Lucifer himself.”

“His recent operation wasn’t as successful as he and his doctors had hoped?” Archbishop Materiy asked.

“I’ve been told (unofficially of course) that his main trouble is his reaction to the Covid non-vaccine that he received earlier this year,” Salaman replied.

“Anyways, the reason I’m here is…” the Astana Archbishop paused, “Well you no doubt heard that a few years ago an expedition was sent to Castle Dracula in Transylvania in order to remove the wooden stake from Prince Vlad III Dracula’s heart and bring him back from the dead. The purpose being to have Vlad III Dracula fight the ISIS Islamic State in Syria and also to stop Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan from bringing back the Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that was the purpose in bringing Prince Vlad III Dracula back from the dead,” The Cardinal nodded.

“Anyways I’m going to give you this document,” Materiy handed him a piece of paper, “It describes a plan for a post-Francis world. A world where Dracula is the next Pope.”

“Dracula as the next Pope?” Salaman was astounded, “But Dracula currently isn’t even a Cardinal. How will he get to be Pope?”.

“Read on, MacDuff,” The Archbishop paraphrased Shakespeare as he pointed towards the document.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 27th
2021.

Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula ponders the question, “Will my father Count Dracula be the next Pope?”.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Erroneous Notion of White Supremacy While Exorcist Recalls Demonically Possessed Nun

July 26, 2021 at 10:08 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again in the neighbourhood dollar store.

And there in the line-up was another repulsively ugly looking white woman.

There seemed to be a surplus of repulsively ugly looking white women wandering around the dollar store this past week.

What was up with that?

The Calgary Stampede was over.

Ugly looking white women should be back in the corral or the closet where they belong.

It was probably the influence of all these annoying pansies and fruits who go around celebrating Pride Week then Pride Month then Pride Year and now Pride Century, Pan Goatee reasoned.

Soon it will be Pride Millenium.

Instead of a 1000 Year Reich, it will be a 1000 Year Rainbow.

One guarded by Ernst Rohm and not Heimdall.

This ugly looking white woman had blue hair.

Pan Goatee blamed the preponderance of ugly white women in the city, in Alberta and in Canada as a whole on the influence of that odious western world political disease known as Critical Gender Theory radical Marxist feminism.

The abhorrent ideology turned any female who heavily imbibed its contents into a creature so repulsively ugly it caused even the Devil himself to vomit all over the place.

“My God but you’re ugly,” Pan Goatee quoted the John Cleese character of Basil Fawlty as he beheaded the ugly looking white women with blue hair, “You and others like you certainly rip a big hole into that erroneous theory of white supremacy. Any race that produces the likes of you certainly has nothing whatsoever to feel superior about. Hitler must have been insane.”

Goatee went on about Hitler’s insanity as he sliced the ugly white woman with blue hair into 999 trillion pieces, “Some individuals seem to be prone to all sorts of neuroses and psychoses. And I guess Hitler was obviously one of them.”

. . .

As most of the priests in Pope Francis’ Vatican were currently engaged in the Monday night gay sex orgy, the daughter of a Rome boarding house owner was wandering the halls and walls of the Vatican trying to find a priest who would come and administer the Last Rites to one of her mother’s lodgers an elderly priest and long retired exorcist.

The girl happened to run into one of the few heterosexual Vatican curia officials Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Cardinal.

Cardinal Salaman accompanied the girl to her mother’s boarding house and administered the Last Rites to the dying exorcist.

When he had finished administering the Last Rites, the old exorcist spoke.

“There was one exorcism I recall more vividly than all the rest,” said the exorcist, “it was a nun who was demonically possessed.”

“Go on,” the Cardinal nodded, “A nun who was demonically possessed…”

“She was demonically possessed by an entity that identified itself as the Spirit of Pachamama,” the exorcist continued.

“The Spirit of Pachamama?” Cardinal Salaman was astounded.

“Yes,” the exorcist answered, “The nun had become possessed while giving birth to a child. The child’s father, the nun had told her fellow nuns in the convent, was a bishop.”

“How long ago was this, Father?” The cardinal asked the exorcist.

“Many many years ago, Father,” the old exorcist replied.

“Did the child live?” Cardinal Salaman wanted to know.

“Yes, the child lived,” the exorcist nodded.

“How old would the child be now?” Salaman inquired.

The exorcist did not answer.

For he had gone to his reward.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 26th
2021.

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Ash Wednesday 2021

February 17, 2021 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was walking the streets of Rome.

Away from the Vatican.

He could not stand the hypocrisy of the place.

He himself was an atheist with some leanings towards Jewish kabbalistic mysticism.

Thus he was surprised when he was invited a few years ago by Francis to become a Cardinal and ended up being baptised, confirmed, ordained a deacon then a priest and then consecrated a bishop and then elevated to the Cardinalate all on the same day.

Still he found today’s display of a whole bunch of priests, bishops and cardinals pouring ashes over one another’s heads (instead of using the ash to mark the Sign of the Cross on one another’s forehead) a bit much.

It seemed that the Vatican was more concerned with the worship of the One, Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus than it was with the worship of Jesus Christ True God and True Man.

He found it strange that those who professed to believe the Catholic Faith did not do so.

Maybe he should leave the Cardinalate.

The smell of mendacity was too much for him to stomach.

As he walked along the street, he came in sight of an elderly priest with a silvery white beard.

The man stood holding a small bowl.

“Good evening, Father,” the Cardinal greeted him.

“Good evening, your Eminence,” said the priest, “Do you know what day it is?”.

The Cardinal was about to say “It’s Wednesday” and then he thought carefully about it and instead answered, “It’s Ash Wednesday.”

“It is,” the priest nodded and then taking ashes from the small bowl marked the Cardinal’s forehead with the Sign of the Cross using the ashes saying, “Dust thou art and unto dust thou shalt return.”

And with that the priest vanished.

Quite literally vanished.

Just disappeared.

Into thin air.

Not knowing what to make of it, Cardinal Salaman continued walking.

It must have been a figment of my imagination, the Cardinal thought to himself.

He happened to pass a fountain.

He looked down and noticed his reflection.

The Sign of the Cross in dark black ashes was there on his forehead.

Looking very very real.

And not illusory.

A church bell rang in the distance.

Only once.

Seemingly the only sound on these desolate Roman streets in this the 2nd year of the One Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus.

On this Ash Wednesday 2021.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Ash Wednesday
Wednesday February 17th
2021.

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Pope Francis Has Dinner With Baphomet

October 21, 2020 at 10:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman the former professional stage magician turned Cardinal was having a telephone interview with his former ghostly stage apprentice Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander reporter for The Times of London.

“Well,” Samhain Cardinal Salaman began, “Pope Francis has decided to mark the one year anniversary of Austrian Catholic layman Alexander Tschugguel throwing the Pachamama idols into the Tiber River by announcing that he’s in favour of sodomite civil unions.”

“How was the announcement made?” Belvedere wrote swiftly in his spectral notebook with his spectral quill pen.

“Through the world premiere of a movie that Pope Francis had shown in Rome today,” Salaman answered, “The movie is called Francesco and is about Pope Francis’ favourite person of all time Pope Francis and his agenda for a pro-Sodom and Gomorrah Communist utopia that he envisions for a post pandemic world.”

Meanwhile in his Vatican apartment, Pope Francis was having dinner with the demon Baphomet to celebrate the occasion.

An Amazon River rainforest guinea pig was suckling milk off the Baphomet’s female breasts as the demon was seated enjoying Black Forest venison and a glass of red wine.

The demon Baphomet is of course part goat and part human as well as part male and part female.

Francis called out to his chef as he ate his own plate of venison, “Luigi, this particular brand of salt seasoning you used on this venison is supurb. Where did you get the salt?.”

“From the Midde East, oh great Vicar of Cthulhu and Mictlantecuhtli,” Luigi answered, “From a pillar of salt.”

“A pillar of salt?” Francis raised his left eyebrow.

“It was apparently called Lot’s Wife by the locals for some reason and was said to have to stood in that one spot for millenia,” Luigi explained, “A group of Jesuit archeaologists this past summer who were excavating by day and having Dionysian Apollo and Hyacinth gay sex orgies by night decided to bring back the pillar of salt with them and presented it to my kitchen. I decided to save the salt for a special occasion and today marks the first time I’ve used it.”

“Lot’s wife?” Pope Francis rubbed his chin šŸ¤”, “That name sounds familiar for some reason.”

“I believe it’s mentioned in the Bible, your Non-Holiness,” Luigi bowed and went back to his kitchen.

“Hm, it’s been ages since I last read that book,” Francis thought as he sipped his wine.

Meanwhile Amorous Laetitia the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft strolled up on to the table.

A large saucer of Baileys Irish Cream (which she preferred to milk) had been left out for her.

She eagerly licked it up and then pranced off meowing, “Hic! Meow! Hic! Meow! Hic! Meow!”.

Up on the window ledge, Cernunnos the Celtic stag horned god was holding his cross-bow and arrow.

The part stag part human deity was pissed that Francis and the Baphomet were eating deer meat.

Cernunnos fired his bow.

The arrow took off Francis’ papal white cap and continued on its way striking the Baphomet in the left testicle.

Francis’ papal white cap on the Baphomet’s left testicle was somehow highly symbolic of how the day went.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 21st
2020.

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The 100th Birthday of Pope John Paul II

May 18, 2020 at 10:20 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The 100th Birthday of Pope John Paul II

The London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had flown in his environmentally friendly dirigible to the city of Wadowice Poland.

Wadowice is a small city in southern Poland about 50 kilometres southwest of Krakow.

It is situated on the Skawa River (a confluence of the Vistula) in the eastern part of the Silesian Foothills.

It is best known for being the birthplace of Karol Josef Wojtyla who became Pope John Paul II.

Today was John Paul II’s 100th birthday.

For May 18th 1920 was the date little Karol Josef was born to his parents Emilia and Karol Wojtyla Sr.

Set, although he had never met the man that history called Saint John Paul the Great, decided to go there to pay his respects.

Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, the streets of Wadowice were not overflowing with pilgrims and tourists as would have been the case if there hadn’t been a pandemic happening in the world.

Set stood outside the Museum of the Holy Father Family Home in Wadowice.

The museum was the actual family home of Pope John Paul II and contains a huge collection of objects that had once belonged to Karol Josef Wojtyla and his family.

Set recognized a Cardinal approaching the family home.

The Cardinal was Samhain Cardinal Salaman who had once worked as a professional stage magician in London a few years ago.

A couple of years ago he had been baptized, confirmed, ordained a deacon, ordained a priest, consecrated a bishop and elevated to the Cardinalate all on the same day by Pope Francis.

The reason was Salaman’s knowledge of Kabbalism.

Even though Salaman was neither Jewish nor a member of any Kabbalistic sect, Pope Francis was advised by one of his loyal cardinals Cardinal JM (as the Cardinal was known) that someone as familiar with real Kabbalistic magic and occultic practice as Salaman was could prove very useful in the Vatican that Pope Francis was hoping to create.

Samhain decided to come to Wadowice on this date because he had never really become a Vatican insider in Pope Francis’ Vatican (he was much too heterosexual for that) and he also couldn’t stomach the hypocrisy of the Communist Pope Francis supposedly paying tribute to the anti-Communist Pope John Paul II on his 100th birthday.

“Mr. Set,” the Cardinal greeted the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire.

“Cardinal Salaman,” the Egyptian vampire greeted back.

Cardinal Salaman informed Set that he had just been visiting the Minor Basilica of The Presentation of The Blessed Virgin Mary where the young Karol Josef and future Pope had been baptized on June 20thĀ 1920.

Currently standing outside the Minor Basilica of The Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary was the vampire Lev Tomi.

Lev Tomi was undergoing a different sort of pilgrimage for
Lev Tomi was Leon Trotsky the Russian Soviet Bolshevik who had been turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City back on August 21st 1940 after having been dealt a blow to the head with an ice pick by Stalinist assassin and Spanish born NKVD agent Ramon Mercader the day before on August 20th 1940.

Being turned into a vampire prevented Trotsky from dying although his “death” was announced to the world to prevent any more of Stalin’s killer hound dogs being sent after him.

Trotsky now using the name Lev Tomi started working for the United Nations after the end of World War II and in 1992 became the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

A position he had held ever since.

Trotsky was visiting the birthplace of the Polish Pope because it had been the Polish people under the military leadership of Marshal Josef Pilsudski who had defeated his (Leon Trotsky’s) Soviet Red Army in the Battle of Warsaw (also known as the Miracle of The Vistula) fought between August 12th and August 25th 1920.

The Polish Army on the verge of total defeat, after having seen the Blessed Virgin Mary appear on the banks of the Vistula River, went on to repulse and then defeat the Soviet Red Army.

Even Vladimir Lenin the supreme Bolshevik leader had called it an “enormous defeat” for his forces.

The battle had stopped Trotsky’s Soviet Red Army from advancing across Poland to attack Germany and the rest of Western Europe and thereby establish a continent wide Pan-European Soviet Union and eventually a worldwide Soviet Union.

The Poles (who produced Karol Josef Wojtyla the future Pope Saint John Paul the Great) had stopped global Communism in its tracks.

Now, Tomi reflected, in this the 100th year of John Paul II’s birth and the 100th year of the Miracle On The Vistula victory in the Polish-Soviet War, the forces of Communism would use fear of climate change and now conveniently helped by fear of this pandemic to establish their worldwide totalitarian regime.

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Monday May 18th
2020.

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Marxist Totalitarianism and The Higher Committee of Human Fraternity

May 14, 2020 at 10:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Marxist Totalitarianism and The Higher Committee of Human Fraternity

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was delivering another of his famous podcasts which are so upsetting to leftist airheads.

“Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer is starting to resemble a demon more and more with each passing day,” Renfield ate a tuna fish sandwich, “which is no surprise since being a Marxist totalitarian at heart, she’s using the Covid-19 pandemic to enact the most draconian measures in the entire American Union. And now she’s getting upset that there are groups of people actually opposed to her. Demagogues aren’t able to tolerate any opposition. Just ask Communist China’s Xi Jinping, North Korea’s Kim Jong-un or California’s Gavin Newsom who recently became upset after he got one of his perfectly coiffured hairs knocked out of place when an invisible entity threw a cream pie in the Sacramento despot’s face after he said, “I want to make it illegal for anyone in California to criticize me or question my decisions.”Ā 

“Now turning back to our Stalinist witch in Michigan,” Renfield sipped a martini, “she has ordered police in Michigan to listen in on all the cellphone conversations of people who attended the lockdown protest rallies in the state capital of Michigan. No doubt the ghosts of Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the cross dressing J. Edgar Hoover would wholeheartedly approve of the wicked bitch’s decisions seeing as how wiretapping and listening in on phone conversations was right up their alley.”

Renfield opened a bottle of bourbon, “And of course like all Communist feminist airheads everywhere, she naturally accused those who disagreed with her innately draconian polices and state intervention overreach of being “misogynists” and “racists”. The increasingly demonic looking and less human looking with each passing day Gov. Whitmer made the comments while addressing that illustrious panel of non-illustrious airheads better known as the View. She complained about the protestors holding Nazi signs. Would those be the signs that said Heil Whitmer and had a swastika beneath them? No doubt it was totally lost on the Marxist airhead that protestors were comparing her policies with Hitler’s and was not meant to be taken as a seal of approval for Germany’s late lamented Fuhrer who killed himself in a bunker in Berlin but would have planned a tunnel and submarine escape to Argentina if only he had had access to America’s History Channel programming of the mid-2010s.”

“Then of course the Wicked Bitch of Lansing also complained about Confederate flags at the rally,” Renfield took a swig of Jack Daniels, “I take it what she probably meant was General Robert E. Lee’s Battle Flag of Northern Virginia as nobody has really actually flown the flag of the Confederate States of America as it actually looked in the Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia once the Confederacy lost the Civil War. Lee’s Battle Flag was associated with Lee and not the Confederate government as historically Robert E. Lee was always considered a great man while the same could probably not be said for Jefferson Davis’ administration. In fact Robert E. Lee’s portrait along with portraits of Abraham Lincoln and Benjamin Franklin were the 3 portraits that President Dwight D. Eisenhower (the former Supreme Commander of Allied Forces in Europe during World War II) had hanging in the Oval Office when he served as America’s 34th President. Lee himself was an abolitionist having freed his own slaves long before Union General Ulysses S. Grant had freed his and wrote that even the Confederacy won the war, it would, at some point in the future, have to abolish slavery since no civilized society could survive if it maintained such an inhumane institution. Lee’s reputation and his battle flag of northern Virginia took a beating in the 2010s with the advance of historically illiterate millennials and Gen Xers and you saw scenes of the unwashed, unkempt and uncouth anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa trying to tear down Robert E. Lee’s statues back in 2015 and 2016.”

“I suppose one good thing about this pandemic as far as the U.S. goes is one now knows how inherently Marxist totalitarian most U.S. Democratic Party politicians are,” Renfield switched over to Red Rose tea, “People like California Gov. Gavin Newsom, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio are total scumbags as are numerous other Democratic Party mayors and governors. Of course if one examined the statements of now withdrawn Democratic Presidential candidates Beto O’ Rourke and Pete Buttigieg very carefully when they were running, one would have realized that Marxist totalitarian scumbaggery was definitely alive and well in the U.S. Democratic Party. As it is very much alive and well in the editorial viewpoints of the Washington Post and The New York Times. And as it is very much alive and well in the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. No doubt most of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops as well as most of the German Catholic Bishops’ Conference and most of Pope Francis’ Vatican help make up the one third of Catholic bishops, that the Virgin Mary told the 3 shepherd children at Fatima, would be serving Satan that she mentioned in the Third Secret (which no doubt explains why the Vatican has never publicly released the text of that secret but only the Vision associated with it).”

. . .

The Kabbalistic Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman was walking the halls of the Vatican.

Last night Cardinal Salaman (one of the few heterosexual cardinals working within Pope Francis’ Vatican) had been visited in his bedroom by a beautiful red-headed French woman who made out with him.

This morning when he woke up, the woman was gone but she had left him a face mask on the bureau next to his bed side.

When he went to put it on, Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander (who had once served as the Cardinal’s magician’s assistant back in the days when the Cardinal worked as a professional stage magician) ran away with it.

Later as he made his morning rounds around the Vatican, there were reports of a mermaid riding a fire breathing black horse being seen in the halls.

And now it was nighttime.

And Pope Francis approached him.

The ex-Vicar of Christ (“Vicar of Myself” was what he now called himself) was carrying a copy of Jules Verne’s book Master of The World.

The cover of the book had the autographed signature of Bill Gates.

“Samhain,” Francis greeted him, “Come into this room. I’d like you to meet the Higher Committee of Human Fraternity.”

Samhain followed the Bishop of Rome Jorge Mario Bergoglio into the room.

He was shocked to see a group of sinister looking reptilian ETs beaming down from a large space ship over the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica.

At one time the sight would have been noticed by everyone but due to lockdown (and the fact that Italy’s most popular female porn star was currently singing the Italian national anthem on both television and livestream at the present moment), the eyes of the nation were directed elsewhere.

“This,” said a shocked Samhain Cardinal Salaman as he looked around, “is the Higher Committee of Human Fraternity?”.

The tallest of the reptilian ETs spoke, “We’re better known as the Ascended Masters in the writings of Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, Annie Besant, Alice A. Bailey and various New Age writers.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 14th
2020.

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Pachamama In The Tiber

December 1, 2019 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Pachamama In The Tiber

The Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama was floating down the Tiber River

“I thought all the Pachamamas were rescued from the Tiber River back in late October,” Samhain Cardinal Salaman mentioned to Pope Francis.

“The authorities must have missed one,” Pope Francis had to admit as the pair walked along the banks of the Tiber River.

The pontiff’s Huawei smart phone went off.

It was a phone call from George Soros.

Francis blabbed for a few minutes while Cardinal Salaman watched Pachamama swim to shore.

As the Inca goddess exited the Tiber, Francis’ Huawei went off again.

American economist Jeffrey Sachs joined the conversation.

Cardinal Salaman watched Pachamama enter a Rolls-Royce limousine.

“Unless that Rolls-Royce is an extremely rare electric model that doesn’t run on fossil fuels, I don’t think it’s very climate friendly,” Cardinal Salaman thought to himself.

Bono then joined the party line conversation with Pope Francis followed a few moments later by Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of The UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

Cardinal Salaman left Francis to yack with his globalist friends as he went to find himself a nice taverna where he could buy a nice glass of red wine.

Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders from the U.S. and former Bolivian President Evo Morales (currently living in exile in Mexico) joined the phone conversation as well as with Pope Francis and the others.

Seeing as how it was a Huawei mobile that Francis was yacking into, the entire conversation was being monitored by the People’s Republic of China Ministry of State Security.

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Sunday December 1st
2019.

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Allatallahbel Tries To Make A Vamp Out of A Cardinal

November 17, 2019 at 11:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Allatallahbel Tries To Make A Vamp Out of A Cardinal

The Vampiress Allatallahbel sat at the edge of one of the old lion cheering fan stands in the Roman Colosseum.

A Vatican Cardinal named Samhain Cardinal Salaman approached Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“I got your message for me to be here, your Sinisterness,” Cardinal Salaman addressed the vampiress priestess.

“Nice of you to come, your Eminence,” the vampiress bit him on the neck and drained him of almost all his blood.

She then walked away.

Lenora the Dragon Warrioress Princess of Lemuria entered the colosseum with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“Was that not the statue of the god Moloch at the entrance to the colosseum?” Lenora asked Van Helsing.

“It was,” Van Helsing nodded, “That god of the ancient Canaanites, Phoenicians and Carthaginians on prominent display at the colosseum must have the Roman general Scipio Africanus rolling over in his grave.”

“So Dr. Cadbury Rocher text messaged you that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of something awful happening to one of the few non-homosexual predatory and pedophile Vatican Cardinals here?” Lenora queried.

“That is correct,” Van Helsing answered.

“Well there appears to be someone dressed in Cardinal’s robes lying on one of the steps there,” Lenora ran over to the man.

Van Helsing joined her and felt the Cardinal’s pulse.

He also noticed the vampiric bite on the Cardinal’s neck.

The vampire hunter called an ambulance.

Paramedics and ambulance soon arrived on the scene and rushed Samhain Cardinal Salaman to hospital.

“Do you think he’ll live?” Lenora asked.

“I hope so,” Van Helsing replied.

Vampire hunter and Dragon Warrioress Princess returned to their hotel and dressed for a concert in Rome.

The performer at the concert was Lenora herself who played pieces by Bach, Handel and Vivaldi on her violin.

“What beautiful music that instrument makes,” the Australian Ambassador to Italy remarked to his wife, “It certainly sounds a lot better than that Ernievarius that violin made out of rubber tires that some character called Uncle Ernie played in concert with the Sydney Philharmonic Orchestra back home.”

“Still I must admit it was hilariously funny watching that Uncle Ernie get arrested live on stage by Sydney Police during the second act for his improper conduct that he conducted in the orchestra pit during intermission,” his wife noted.

“That,” the Ambassador agreed, “was hilariously funny.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 17th
2019.

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The Headless Horseman’s Halloween

October 31, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Headless Horseman’s Halloween

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow was sitting in a booth in the lounge in the Saint James Court Hotel in London along with his zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn.

Both had managed to escape last night from the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s pet attack cat Nefertiti Galore by running down a back alley.

The alley was then blown up by an Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi impersonator who whimpered like a dog and then detonated a suicide vest.

Nefertiti Galore managed to dodge the falling rubble and then went around the corner and had a plate of Fish and Chips at a nearby Fish and Chips shop.

The Headless Horseman and his horse went from the back alley (now blocked by rubble at the street entrance) through the back door of a professional live theatre where they joined the cast of Shakespeare’s Richard III in taking a bow and a curtain call at the end of their performance.

One of the actresses remarked to the actor who played Richard III, “It looks like your horse arrived a little too late.”

The actor who played Richard III remarked to the Headless Horseman, “I’d have given you my kingdom if you had arrived a little sooner.”

The impromptu remarks were met with vigorous applause from the audience.

The Headless Horseman and Bucephalus Reborn then walked to the Saint James Court Hotel where they had booked a room for a couple of nights.

Now they were spending Halloween having drinks in the lounge and dancing with costumed patrons.

Someone dressed as a Vatican Cardinal entered the lounge.

“Authentic costume,” remarked the Headless Horseman who had borrowed a jack o’ lantern pumpkin from the hotel kitchen and put it on his shoulders so he could see.

“I really am a Vatican Cardinal,” answered Samhain Cardinal Salaman, “My flight to the Irish border has been delayed. I was supposed to perform the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this evening on the Irish border between north and south between 11:30 PM and 11:59 PM to forever bind the United Kingdom to the European Union so the whole continent can be under the Egyptian god Osiris when he becomes Pharaoh of the coming United States of Europe. Osiris, Maitreya the Himalayan serpent and golden cobra High King of Ireland are expecting me as are the demons Baal and Baphomet, the High Queen of Ireland who is the resurrected Egyptian Queen Cleopatra and no doubt Yaldabaoth the infamous intoxicated leprechaun who sleeps on the border.”

“Wow, well sit down and have a drink and drown your sorrows,” Friedrich ordered him a drink.

Buchephalus Reborn managed to drink both the Headless Horseman and the Vatican Cardinal under the table.

The Vatican Cardinal missed his next available flight.

And so the Celtic Druidic Mass was not said.

Allowing Britain a brief reprieve from the coming United States of Europe.

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Thursday October 31st
2019.

One of the many beautiful women in the Saint James Court Hotel Lounge lucky enough to dance with the horse Bucephalus Reborn.

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Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

October 2, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

“Well, you certainly look as pleased as punch,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield as he walked through the door.

“I am,” Renfield helped himself to a glass of punch from the bowl of punch that Athelstan the butler had made.

“What brought this about?” Amadeus asked.

“Boris Johnson has adopted my plan that only Northern Ireland should be subject to the backstop rather than the entire United Kingdom,” Renfield grinned.

“And how exactly will that work?” Amadeus asked.

“Northern Ireland will stay in the European single market for goods,” Renfield replied, “and of course Johnson did add some touches of his own like the Stormont Assembly for Northern Ireland voting to adopt the arrangements first and then voting every four years on keeping them. But Northern Ireland would exit the customs union along with the rest of the UK under Johnson’s adaptations of my original plan. But the rest of the UK leaving the entireĀ 
single market is my basic idea.”

“I see Jeremy Corbyn has said the plan is even worse than Theresa May’s plan for Brexit,” Amadeus noted.

“And it’s for that reason that I’ve officially nominated Jeremy Corbyn for the Jackass of The Year Award,” Renfield helped himself to a second glass of punch.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are against it as well,” Amadeus added.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are so full of shit that if you gave them all an enema before they died, you could bury them all in the same cigar box,” was Renfield’s final commentary for the night.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was once again sleeping on the border that divided Northern Ireland from the south.

He was awakened by the sound of voices talking.

Yaldabaoth looked and noted a golden cobra walking alongside a green skinned man dressed as an Egyptian Pharaoh.

The leprechaun recognized the golden cobra as Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland at Tara on Saint Patrick’s Day of 2018.

He recognized the green skinned man dressed like an Egyptian Pharaoh as the god Osiris from pictures he had seen of the deity from an Egyptology course that the leprechaun had taken at Trinity College in Dublin many years ago.

“So,” Osiris boasted, “friends of mine have arranged for the Vatican Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman to say the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this coming Halloween on the Republic of Ireland/Northern Ireland UK border to forever enslave all of Britain to the European Union of which I shall someday become Pharaoh.”

“So if I help you become Pharaoh of Europe,” Maitreya spoke, “I shall remain High King of Ireland once the Republic and the North join together as one.”

“That is correct,” Osiris nodded.

“What about this British MP Renfield R. Renfield?” Maitreya asked, “Won’t he put a damper in your plans?”.

“I shall have to find away to deal with this man who used to be Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for my brother Set,” Osiris seethed.

A text message went off on the green deity’s smart phone.

Osiris looked at it, “It’s from George Soros.”

“Is he afraid that Donald Trump has found out that the Democratic National Committee server was in fact based in Ukraine and that’s how it was so easy for the Russians to hack it?” Maitreya inquired.

“We shall see,” Osiris took the call.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 2nd
2019.

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