Renfield Attends Oktoberfest In Bavaria
A pair of beautiful young frauleins bring a couple of large glasses of beer 🍻 to British MP Renfield R. Renfield at Oktoberfest in Bavaria
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was attending Oktoberfest in a small Bavarian town.
“What a lovely pair of jugs,” Renfield thought to himself as the two waitresses approached with the large glasses of beer 🍻.
Renfield took the two glasses and sat down at a table.
He wore a t-shirt that said I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC.
On the other side of the beer garten patio was a rather portly gentleman (whose lederhosen was way too big for his britches) who had a dozen large glasses of beer 🍺 in front of him and wore a t-shirt that read I AM EIN ALCOHOLIC.
Renfield was soon joined at the table by Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman (one of the few heterosexual cardinals working in Pope Francis’ Curia).
The cardinal helped himself to a glass of beer.
“Getting ready for the satanic AntiPope’s October Synod On Synodality are you?” Renfield asked.
“I am,” the Cardinal nodded as he took a sip of the delicious beer 🍺, “As Mystery Babylon the Mother of Harlots waits to be born.”
“Indeed,” Renfield nodded.
“I read what your friend the Calgary based geopolitical analyst wrote about the upcoming Synod,” Samhain said.
The Calgary based geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield had written:
“Vatican Cardinal Victor Manuel Fernandez the Prefect of the Dicastery For The Doctrine of the Faith has shown that he is Hegelian in his philosophy (Hegelianism teaches that truth isn’t permanent and can change) in his response to the Five Cardinals’ July 10th 2023 Dubia (of whom one of the five cardinal signatories is Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke) to satanic AntiPope Francis regarding the upcoming Synod On Synodality.
Cardinal Fernandez’s reply is part of the contemporary Vatican’s efforts to bless sodomite conjugal unions.
Left-wing Hegelian political thought led to Marxism (and all its variations thereof) while right-wing Hegelian political thought led to Nietzscheanism and Fascism (with all of its variations thereof including Nazism).
Theological Hegelianism in the Church will probably lead to the building of Mystery Babylon the Mother of Harlots as foreseen in the Apocalypse of Saint John the Divine (aka the Book of Revelation).”
Renfield’s Calgary based geopolitical analyst friend had also written:
“I have just read the full text of the 5 Cardinals’ Dubia on the Synod On Synodality and the Vatican’s response to it.
I must say the Vatican’s 🇻🇦 response to it was full of crap 💩 to put it bluntly.
It reminds me of Humpty Dumpty’s statement to Alice in Lewis Carroll’s Alice In Wonderland, “When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean- neither more nor less.”
Humpty Dumpty’s statement reeks of Hegelianism, Nominalism, Postmodernism and Deconstructionism.
As does the Vatican’s response to the 5 Cardinals’ dubia.”
Renfield commented, “Pope Francis’ pontificate began with an Alfred Hitchcock phrase “Good evening” and will now end with a Michael Myers Halloween 🎃 style massacre of Biblical faith, doctrine and morals.”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday October 2nd
2023.
Aphrodite In Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in the city of Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was in the city of Venice wearing a beautiful lilac dress as she walked along a brick pier.
She was here to meet Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
Van Helsing was on a mission for Set Enterprises.
Set Enterprises was hoping to stop Asclepius the Greek god of medicine, Thoth the Egyptian god of math 🧮 and the sciences, the Norse trickster god Loki, evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio from bringing the Egyptian divine trio of Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead.
Isis, Osiris and Horus had recently been dispatched to the Underworld by Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Phoebe Sears.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was hoping to use Van Helsing’s influence with Aphrodite to use her influence with Zeus to use his influence with his grandson Asclepius not to bring that Egyptian divine trio back from the dead.
Orson Welles’ ghost was on a boat enjoying a plate of spectral Black Sea caviar as Van Helsing approached Aphrodite.
Van Helsing and Aphrodite went to a nearby Venetian restaurant to discuss their plans.
The waiter in the restaurant poured Dracul and Aphrodite glasses of iced water as the pair examined the menu.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman (one of the few heterosexuals in Francis’ Vatican Curia) walked by.
He tapped each one of the glasses of iced water 💦 and turned it into wine 🍷.
“Don’t worry,” the Cardinal smiled, “I am just a volshebnik. I am not Christ.”
Meanwhile back on the boat, the ghost of Orson Welles holding a glass of red wine 🍷 that suddenly turned to iced 🧊 water 💦 watched as the ship The Flying Dutchman sailed into the Venetian harbour.
“Captain Hendrick Van der Decken at your service,” a man wearing the 18th Century maritime uniform of a sea captain for the Dutch East India Company appeared in front of Welles.
. . .
World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab would be speaking to a group of influential businessmen.
Set Enterprises had sent one of their Intelligence Unit secret agents the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka purple bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger to inject a needle 💉 containing truth serum into the buttocks of Klaus Schwab so he would be compelled to tell the truth at some point during his speech.
As Schwab stood up at the podium shooting his mouth off with banal platitudes, he suddenly grimaced but then went on.
Said Schwab, “Adolf Hitler said it by railway loudspeaker to the Jews leaving by train to the camps of Auschwitz, Buchenwald and Dachau almost a century ago and I will say it again, “You vill own nothing and you vill be happy.” Oh kacke scheisse, I can’t believe I just said that.”
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Saturday night podcast.
Noted Renfield, “Earlier today I got an invitation on Facebook from a group calling itself Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin a group whose motto is Justin Trudeau is The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread 🥖 🍞. I googled the group and I’d have to say the photo of the group Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin looks a lot like The Rocky Horror Picture Show but with a lot uglier looking transvestites. I messaged them back saying Thanks but no thanks. I also pointed out that Justin Trudeau is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. He’s the greatest thing since castration.”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday June 3rd
2023.
Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec and The Mayan Rites
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec takes a selfie
Qonzilqointec had heard that the Roman Catholic Diocese of San Cristobal de Las Casas in Mexico had petitioned the Vatican to allow Mayan rites in Churches in the diocese.
Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather was the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl.
Quetzalcoatl had a Mayan cousin named Kukulkan who was the Mayan feathered serpent god.
Qonzilqointec thought it was unfair to have Mayan rites in the Church in Mexico 🇲🇽 but not Aztec rites.
So she had put in a call to high ranking officials in the Vatican to meet to discuss the matter.
She had also included this photo of herself in hopes this would get Vatican bureaucrats to talk to her.
What Qonzilqointec was unaware of was that most bureaucrats in Francis’ Vatican were practicing sodomites and wouldn’t appreciate such a photo.
Now if she had been a male who self-identified as female (like half of Joe Biden’s cabinet) and had looked like an ugly looking drag queen who’d send children screaming 😱 at Library Story Time Reading Hour (like Australia 🇦🇺’s Uncle Ernie and half of Joe Biden’s cabinet), she’d have had no problem lining up an appointment with a Vatican official.
Fortunately for her, her photo did reach the email of Samhain Cardinal Salaman who was one of the few heterosexual high ranking officials in the Vatican.
Cardinal Salaman had put in a call to her and so Qonzilqointec was now waiting to fly to Rome to discuss the matter.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday March 31st
2023.
Goddess Sophia and Samhain Cardinal Salaman
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom inside the Vatican
Samhain Cardinal Salaman had had a busy day at the Vatican.
Pope Francis had been rushed to the Gemelli Hospital 🏥 in Rome with a respiratory infection.
And already Samhain was getting emails and text messages from cardinals considered papabili (favourites to become the next Pope) asking for his support at the next papal 🇻🇦 conclave.
Francis wasn’t dead and already some cardinals were campaigning to be the next Pope.
Nimrod the frog was sitting on Cardinal Samhain’s bookshelf and eating fried chicken and drinking gallons of Mountain Dew.
He was eating and drinking and burping and scratching his stomach and saying, “And would you say (burp! burp! scratch! scratch!) your fellow Cardinals have good taste.”
“No!” Cardinal Samhain shook his head.
And then also Cardinal Salaman had received the news this morning that his friend Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander had almost been sacrificed in an occultic sacrifice in Cornwall England last Thursday.
Back in the mid-2010s when Samhain Salaman had worked as a professional stage magician in London England, Belvedere had served as his invisible Magician’s Assistant.
It’s easier to do more convincing and believable magic 🪄 tricks when you’ve got a ghost helping you, Samhain had discovered.
Later when Francis had discovered that Samhain also studied Kabbalah and real magic, the pontiff had had Samhain baptized, confirmed, ordained a deacon, ordained a priest, consecrated a bishop, elevated to the office of Archbishop and then created a Cardinal all on the same day.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman’s friend the Ghost White Salamander Belvedere had escaped being sacrificed thanks to the efforts of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles.
The demon possessed elk (who was presiding over the occultic ceremony and would-be ghostly salamander sacrifice) had been slain by a silver arrow fired either by the Celtic stag god Cernunnos or Dracul Van Helsing.
Cardinal Salaman was suddenly distracted by a noise behind him.
There on top of his desk was Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom.
He was reminded of something he had once read in a lost book of Solomon (that he had found), “When perilous times come, suckle on the breasts of wisdom.”
Samhain Cardinal Salaman got on top of his desk and did just that.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 29th
2023.
Saturn Kronos and The Christmas Kidna₱₱ing
Greek Goddess Hera and Samhain Cardinal Salaman
The Greek goddess Hera was modelling at a fashion show in Rome, Italy
Bothered by the infidelity of her chronically unfaithful husband the Greek god Zeus, Hera was trying to gain some self confidence by modelling among the most beautiful women in the world at a fashion show in Rome.
Among the guests who would be attending the fashion show was Samhain Cardinal Salaman.
Cardinal Salaman was one of the few heterosexual Cardinals to work in Pope Francis’ Vatican which had been described by one commentator as “one vast uncloseted closet of gays”.
The Grindr hook-up app was the most downloaded app in the Vatican today.
Pope Alexander VI (aka Rodrigo Borgia) was turning over in his rotating barbeque spit down in Tartarus over the news that his Vatican of intense heterosexual lust and orgies had become a Vatican of intense homosexual lust and orgies under Pope Francis.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman was anxious to see real women for a change rather than the fairy queens who paraded up and down the halls of the contemporary Vatican.
Although according to members of Joe Biden’s cabinet and the brainless mainstream media there was no such being as a real woman anymore.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman was impressed by Hera’s performance on the catwalk in this early September Roman fashion show.
After the show was over, he went backstage to the dressing rooms to talk to the Olympian goddess.
“Excuse me but aren’t you the Greek goddess Hera?” Samhain Cardinal Salaman asked her.
Hera the beautiful goddess (often left alone by the “always searching for a new pussy” Zeus) turned to look at him.
“I am,” she answered, “Aren’t you Samhain Cardinal Salaman the only heterosexual Cardinal who works full time at the Vatican?”.
Later that evening the Cardinal and the goddess had dinner and wine together in an exclusive Rome restaurant.
“So how did you recognize me?” Hera asked the Cardinal.
“From your busts, statues and portraits that are kept in the lower floors of the Vatican,” Samhain answered, “At one time they were on the main floor of the Vatican but after Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elected Pope, all those works of art were moved downstairs and replaced by all the busts, naked statues and nude portraits of the ancient Greek gods. No goddesses allowed.”
“It’s a wonder why Francis has not commissioned new works of art for the Vatican that are inclined towards his tastes,” Hera licked a pair of olives from her martini.
“Well it was tried once with a notorious Australian male model named Uncle Ernie (who had posed for Salvador Dali back in the 1950s). Uncle Ernie served as the model for a nude Goliath. However after the world’s first microscope, invented by Dutch father and son team Hans and Zacharias Janssen in 1590 and kept in the Vatican Archives, was broken after the papal investigation team tried to locate something that was apparently far far less than gargantuan on Uncle Ernie posing as Goliath’s statue, a new work of art was never commissioned again,” Cardinal Salaman explained.
“Interesting,” Hera swallowed the olives.
They got around to discussing the recently failed Artemis 1 moon rocket launches.
“I’ve been told they failed because Artemis is furious that Joe Biden apparently killed at least two of her sacred deer on a deer hunting expedition last fall,” Cardinal Salaman ate his spaghetti.
“That is true,” Hera nodded, “Originally Artemis just thought that one of her sacred deer was slain. So senile old fool Joe sacrificed a daughter from an extra marital affair to Artemis last Thursday in Philadelphia. Just before Joe gave his Hitlerian Fuhrer like speech (with Nazi flag colours in the background behind him) in Philadelphia in which he threatened to send the military after half of the electorate in the country. ”
“Yes, I heard that Joe did such a good job at impersonating a Hitler under the influence of alcohol and an Henry VIII style over indulgence in roast beef (the original Fuhrer was both a teetotaler and a vegetarian) that apparently an independent film producer is thinking of making a film in which both Joe Biden and Justin Trudeau will have the lead starring roles,” Cardinal Salaman noted, “The movie will be about Adolf Hitler meeting Jesse Owens at the 1936 Summer Olympics.”
“Yes, I heard that too,” Hera smiled.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday September 5th
2022.
Pope Francis Adopts Witches’ Calendar To Promote Season of Creation
Samhain Cardinal Salaman was reading the latest directives from Pope Francis.
Pope Francis was ordering that all Vatican linked institutions must turn over their accounts to the Vatican Bank by October 1st 2022.
“What’s up with that?” Cardinal Salaman wondered.
He then read a report from a Vatican Jesuit spy in Washington DC.
According to the Vatican Jesuit spy, Joe Biden sacrificed some unknown young woman to a statue of the Greek goddess Artemis while a NASA big shot named Dr. Nachash Naga sang the Leonard Cohen song Hallelujah.
“I think that particular Jesuit spy must be eating too many magic mushrooms,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.
He then read another directive from Pope Francis.
Francis had just proclaimed a new season called the Season of Creation which runs from September 1st to October 4th.
Interestingly enough the Southern Hemisphere Spring/Northern Hemisphere Autumn Equinox falls smack dab in the middle of the Season of Creation.
Which leads one to speculate that Pope Francis had borrowed his idea for a Season of Creation from the witches’ wiccan calendar.
Francis seemed to be heavy into practicing witchcraft these days.
A number of years back he had opened a Catholic World Youth Day by carrying a witch’s stang into the assembly.
Back on October 4th 2019 the Pontiff presided over a ceremony in which an idol of the Inca demon goddess Pachamama was brought into the Vatican.
Then on July 27th 2022, Francis listened with his hand over his heart as a Huron-Wendat shaman invoked the Spirit Great Grandmother of the West who was the leader of the Circle of Spirits.
The Spirit Great Grandmother was known by various names such as Spider Grandmother in Navajo, Hopi, Apache and Pueblo traditions. She was the pre-Columbian Teotihuacan Great Goddess. She was called Toci Yoalticitl by the Aztecs. She was called Ixchel by the Mayas.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman fell asleep and dreamed he was visiting a misty marsh he often visited in his boyhood.
In the middle of the misty marsh was a vampiress witch who was celebrating Pope Francis’ new Season of Creation.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday September 1st
2022.
Cardinal Salaman’s Dream About Dante and Virgil
Those who are wise keep their lamps lit in these times.
Those who are foolish do not.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman was asleep in his bed.
It was difficult being one of the few heterosexuals who worked at the Vatican these days.
And today he had read an advanced notice about an announcement that Pope Francis would soon be making about world geopolitics and global religion.
Most of the governments of the world should love him, Big Business should love him and the mainstream media should love him.
But what about the average worshipper in the pew?
What would his or her reaction be?
Salaman had a dream where the classical Roman poet Virgil and the medieval Florentine poet Dante visited him.
They took him to a deep circle of Tartarus.
They pointed to a rotating barbeque spit over open flames.
A sign read THIS IS JORGE MARIO BERGOGLIO’S FINAL ROASTING PLACE.
Dante and Virgil advised Samhain Cardinal Salaman not to join him.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 17th
2022.
The Children of Hecate
Pan Goatee visits a local community college and its Hall of Fame
World-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was walking down the street when he saw a fat ugly blimp and her moronic low-IQ boyfriend rushing towards a bus stop even though there was no bus approaching.
Goatee put his astral laser machete into auto boomerang mode and threw it at the uglo-moronic duo.
The machete beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
It then beheaded her moronic low-IQ boyfriend and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
As Krampus arrived on the scene to pick up the remains and take them down to Tartarus, the machete then went to a nearby Chinese laundromat to get all the blood and guck washed off it before returning to Pan Goatee as a boomerang.
The initial test for this boomerang astral laser machete was originally conducted by Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie at his Cumelita Show down in Sydney, Australia.
That test was an initial disaster resulting in the beheadings and deaths of hundreds of Uncle Ernie’s paying customers who were sitting in the audience.
The machete was wisely given to a German aeronautics firm who used their German aerodynamic skills to make the astral laser machete into the weapon that it is today.
As opposed to whatever Uncle Ernie’s bumbling Australian “what the Hell is he doing skills?” would have turned it into.
Later as Pan Goatee was enjoying a Big Mac and Diet Coke inside a McDonald’s, his enjoyment was interrupted by a thin ugly looking stoat and her two ugly looking offspring entering the restaurant section where he was sitting.
Goatee beheaded the slim ugly looking stoat uglo and her two ugly looking offspring and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each while commenting, “To think all this pre-emptive strike action was brought about by the Austro-Hungarian Augustinian monk Gregor Johann Mendel and his ground breaking genetic research into garden peas.”
“I wonder if Mendel’s peas left such a mess behind on the floor?” A customer commented as he watched all the blood and body parts gathering on the floor prior to Krampus’ arrival.
“They would have if he was diabetic,” Jarod Jerome Le Gnome commented.
Meanwhile in Victoria, British Columbia, B.C.’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant NDP Premier John Horgan was insulting the B.C. Freedom Truckers’ Convoy who were planning to descend on the provincial capital in protest against the socialist despot’s draconian vaccine mandates and lockdowns.
Horgan was condescending towards his opponents like all pompous and arrogant champagne socialist despots are.
“Goodness me, get a hobby,” Horgan’s gums flapped like the wind at the world’s biggest pork and beans barbeque and chili cook-off.
Horgan had a B.C. Salmon and Wild Thistle Cream Pie thrown in his face by a Kootenay area sasquatch whose hobby was throwing B.C. Salmon and Wild Thistle Cream Pies into the faces of people who are total assholes.
Meanwhile at the Vatican, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was wondering why Jorge Mario Bergoglio aka Pope Francis wasn’t dead yet.
He had watched Francis drink the entire cup of Tibetan Buddhist tea with the piece of wolfsbane and the jade key to Beijing’s forbidden city in it.
He had also watched Francis eat the recipe for Uncle Ernie’s vegetarian based koala bear and kangaroo meat stew also without any noticeable side effects.
“The man must have sold his soul to the devil to withstand such poisons,” Salaman deduced.
Meanwhile Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was sitting reading a newspaper at the Yaroviv military training area in Ukraine which is about 12 miles from the Polish border and about 25 miles from the city of Lviv located in western Ukraine.
Among the headlines Yaldabaoth read was “Barack Obama Says He Tested Positive For Covid-19”.
Interesting, Yaldabaoth mused.
This was followed by another headline that read, “Justin Trudeau Says He Tested Positive For Syphilis”.
Very interesting, Yaldabaoth mused again.
Suddenly the Yaroviv military base was struck by 30 missiles fired by Russian warplanes flying over the Black and Azov Seas.
Yaldabaoth dropped a load- Joe Biden style- when the attack hit.
“Thank God you shit green and not brown,” the ghost of W.C. Fields remarked as he was playing a game of golf in the area.
The ghost of Orson Welles meanwhile sat in his arm chair in the living room of the Set Mansion in London.
He read some recent history.
“In early 2013 Jen Psaki, when she was spokesperson for the Hillary Clinton State Department, was asked about secret plans for a proposed coup d’etat against the then government of Ukraine.
A year later the Obama Administration, with the support of George Soros’ financing, helped set up the new anti-Russia government of Ukraine.”
“In 2015, it was revealed that George Soros had spent hundreds of millions of dollars in Ukraine and had planted special operatives throughout the country.
This was not done to make Ukraine an independent and sovereign nation state (since Soros hates independent and sovereign nation states) but to make Ukraine an invioable part of the New World Order proposed by Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum.”
“Then in 2017, Neo-Con Senators Lindsey Graham and John McCain travelled to Ukraine and promised top military leaders that “the U.S. would give them everything they need to go to war against Vladimir Putin.”
Welles’ ghost organized the scene in his mind.
3 witches (children of Hecate) on a Scottish heath are transported to Ukraine.
Jen Psaki along with Lindsey Graham and John McCain in drag are the 3 witches.
“When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning or in rain?”.
“When the hurly-burly’s done,
when the battle’s lost and won.”
“That will be ere the set of sun.”
“Where the place?”.
“Upon the heath.”
“There to meet with MacPutin.”
While Welles’ ghost meditated upon and directed the scene in his mind,
British MP Renfield R. Renfield entered the room and announced, “Did you know that Renfield was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written Sunday March 13th
2022.
Pan Goatee and The Tragedy of A City Engulfed In Uglos
Pan Goatee gives advice to a Malaysian youth on what pastel colours to wear to a Michael Voris retreat
There was no doubt about it.
The City of Calgary was engulfed by uglos.
They were everywhere.
Ruining people’s days.
Sneaking up on people out of the blue.
And a blue colour that might be worn like the likes of the wig wearing self-proclaimed chaste sodomite Opus Dei apologist for Pope Francis- Michael Voris.
Leading people to Hell by saying that the last vomit of Satan (aka Jorge Mario Bergoglio) was the true Pope.
And Calgary was not only leading people to Hell.
It was Hell.
With the vast number of repulsive uglo females walking its streets.
Pan Goatee was walking up a street when a repulsively ugly medium sized ugly gargoyle tried to walk past him.
“What is it with you uglos being total morons?” Pan Goatee raised his astral laser machete and beheaded the ugly looking thing, “Don’t you know who I am?.”
He then cut the ugly looking thing up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion etc. etc. pieces.
There wasn’t much left of the repulsive uglo to carry down to Tartarus by the time Krampus arrived.
Pan Goatee then went to a McDonald’s where he bought a diet Coke and then read the local newspaper which he didn’t read back in the days when it was full of Covid propaganda and BS.
What was true in the War in Ukraine he wondered?
Just that a visible demon Vladimir Putin was battling the in the closet demons of George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab.
He wondered if the genetically created ugly women of Calgary was a Putin plot to demoralize the West?
It was certainly demoralizing the City of Calgary.
What a place for a Brian Bulroney (Brian Bulroney a Progressive Conservative asshole from Quebec had been the worst Prime Minister Canada had ever had prior to the advent of Justin Castro Trudeau) Conservative loser like Jean Charest to announce that he was running for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Conservative Party?
Making the announcement in a city of uglo women.
No wonder Charest was the Canadian brainless mainstream media’s darling and favoured choice to be the next Canadian Federal Tory leader.
Pan Goatee personally favoured Dr. Leslyn Lewis for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Conservative Party.
Goatee suddenly noticed a medium sized ugly gargoyle and her more attractive friend enter the McDonald’s but then they went and sat at the back of the restaurant where such uglos and their friends belong.
Later when Goatee left the restaurant, he noticed the ugly gargoyle and her friend walking down the sidewalk.
They then walked in front of him.
Goatee beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
He then did the same to her more attractive friend just on the off chance that such ugliness was contagious.
Goatee then walked to the Dollarama store.
The same one where he had beheaded the big heap ugly squaw and her moronic non-brave boyfriend yesterday.
Today when he entered he was shocked to see that a fat ugly blimp was working as the cashier.
He then beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Goatee headed across the street to the grocery store.
There he passed a police cruiser where the testosterone filled jackass had parked the police vehicle on most of the sidewalk blocking access to pedestrians.
The Fascist pig cop was giving a hard time to a homeless person who had dared to sit and rest on a bench.
“Come on!” The pig oinked like Klaus Barbie on steroids, “Go to a homeless shelter or something. These benches are meant for respectable folk to sit on and not the likes of you.”
Goatee removed his astral laser machete from his sheath and beheaded the New World Order porker.
He then cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus arrived on scene to carry the porker to the deepest level of Tartarus.
Goatee went into the grocery store.
He was pleased to see that his Friday afternoon massacre of uglos yesterday had done its job and there were no uglos to be seen.
Goatee purchased a package of genuine Alberta cheddar cheese- his favourite- and headed home.
As he walked along the sidewalk heading towards his neighbourhood a repulsive fat ugly blimp who could have entered her car from her house before Goatee’s arrival or after Goatee’s arrival chose the moment that Goatee was walking down the sidewalk to ungrace the world with her obnoxious presence.
Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion pieces x 999 trillion pieces ad infinitum.
There wasn’t much left of the repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp by the time Krampus arrived on the scene to carry the remains down to Tartarus.
Goatee also beheaded the fat ugly blimp’s more attractive friend and dismembered her on the off chance that such ugliness was contagious.
. . .
At the Vatican in Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was concerned with Pope Francis’ covert plans for an Unholy Holy Crusade against the Russian people because of Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.
Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau had expressed his support for the idea while in Poland and Latvia.
Senile old fool Joe Biden was thinking of flying the Pope to a nuclear missile silo where the pontiff would sprinkle some Unholy Holy Water on the nuclear missile that would be used in a “limited” nuclear war strike on Moscow.
Cardinal Salaman decided that the only solution would be to bump Bergoglio off.
After all good Popes had been bumped off in the past (the most recent having been Albino Cardinal Luciani Pope John Paul I back in the early autumn of 1978 who wished to throw the Mafia money launderers out of the Vatican Bank).
Why not bump off a bad Pope?
With his gloved hands, Samhain Cardinal Salaman put the slice of wolfsbane into Bergoglio’s cup of Tibetan Buddhist tea.
And then dropped the key to Beijing’s forbidden city into it.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 12th
2022.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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