Asmodeus Comments On Loki’s Shenanigans

November 5, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Commentary, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

As Chief Vote Thief and China CCP employee Joe Biden addressed members of the mainstream Marxist media and what little of his actual supporters had actually shown up for his statement where he said, “Remain calm, democracy is messy”, the demon Asmodeus had shown up in Michigan to see if he could get a good bargain on an old Model T Ford.

Asmodeus’ good friend and little buddy Nimrod the little green frog was currently having an operation to get his tonsils out at DARPA headquarters in Arlington, Virginia.

Since Asmodeus hated hanging around hospital waiting rooms, he decided to go to Michigan to see if he could pick up a Model T Ford.

While standing outside the Ford Motor plant in Detroit, Michigan holding up a sign that said, COULD ANYBODY SELL ME A MODEL T FORD?, he happened to run into a sometime acquaintance of his Loki the Norse trickster god.

“Loki, what are you doing here?” Asmodeus asked as he lit himself about 600 cigarettes.

“I’m making up marked ballots for the Biden-Harris ticket and delivering them,” Loki explained, “I’m having to rush back and forth between Pennsylvania and here in Michigan and over in Wisconsin to say nothing of having to hightail it between Georgia and North Carolina and Arizona to deliver ballots. Fortunately for me my son the serpent Jormungandr is able to shit those ballots out of his ass fast enough.”

“I thought it was the ghost of the late Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley whom the Democrats hired to make and stuff ballots for this Presidential election,” Asmodeus blew his nose, “I had heard that Pope Francis had asked Hades the god of the Underworld to release Daley from Tartarus so he could do it.”

“He had,” Loki nodded, “but Daley had violated his probation conditions that Hades and Persephone had set out. So he’s back in the clanger again. Or rather roasting like chestnuts roasting on an open fire as Nat King Cole could put it more eloquently than I can.”

“So what things have you been doing to help Biden win?” Asmodeus asked.

“Well, take a look at this from election night,” Loki handed the nicotine addict chain smoking demon a chart.

Asmodeus looked at it.

At one point this past election night when 90.9% of votes had been counted in Michigan, Donald Trump had 2,200,902 votes or 51.64% of the vote.

And Joe Biden had 1,992,356 votes or 46.75% of the vote.

Then Michigan announced they would stop counting votes at about the same time Wisconsin and Pennsylvania announced they would stop counting votes.

When vote counting started up again, a record 138,000 new votes were found.

The new tally after 93.8% of the votes had been counted was:

Donald J. Trump 2,200,902 votes or 50.02% of the votes cast.

Joe Biden 2,130,695 or 48.42% of the votes cast.

“As you can see,” Loki grinned as he bit into a lutefisk sandwich, “Biden is starting to catch up.”

“Excuse me for watering on your parade,” Asmodeus sneezed all over Loki’s Armani suit, “but I noticed Trump’s numerical number of votes remained the same. He had 2,200,902 votes when 90.9% of the votes were counted and later after 93.8% of the votes were counted, he still had 2,200,902. While the percentage of his votes changed (going in a downward direction) the actual numerical value of his votes remained the same. You mean to say of those over 138,000 new votes that came in, not one of those votes was for Trump? Do you know what the statistical probability of that happening is? Shouldn’t you have had Jormungandr shoot a few ballots out of his ass with Trump’s name on them? I mean if you’re going to cheat, you shouldn’t make it so blatantly obvious at one point in the procedure.”

“Oh shit, I hadn’t thought of that,” Loki turned pale, “Well at least among those under 40, hopefully America’s public education system has dumbed them down enough that they’re not able to do math. And as for the over 40s, the mainstream Marxist media probably aren’t going to mention that and the tech giants of Facebook and Twitter are in bed with the Chinese Communist Party so hopefully any mention of that will be censored on both those sites.”

At that moment, a group of Antifa and BLM members (who are Joe Biden’s equivalent of Adolf Hitler’s Brownshirts) marched by shouting, “Count every vote.”


Meanwhile some 87 years earlier: “Germany is finished. The trickster god Loki has just been to see President von Hindenburg. I have the feeling that Adolf Hitler is about to be named Chancellor.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 5th
2020.

6 Comments

  1. shankjoejoe said,

    Excellent!🙂

  2. Jessica E. Larsen said,

    I think my brain just collapse. Politics and math create a big error in my mind.

  3. Hyperion said,

    If the world wants to learn what political chicanery looks like out in the open, US election skullduggery is the best. If we could only get passed electing crooks and sexual predators and put a qualified fish monger in there, things would go much better.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Very true, Daniel.

      I think even a Nevada brothel madam would be better.

      In the 3-volume History of Western Canada that my dad was writing when he died, he was going to include in his chapter on the Spanish flu epidemic of 1919-20 an interesting tidbit on the town of Drumheller (where I was born and lived the 1st 2 years of my life).

      Drumheller was a huge coal mining community in 1919-20.

      And the population of miners was hit hard by the Spanish flu.

      There were so many patients, the Drumheller Hospital couldn’t take them all.

      So the local brothel Madame offered to take them at her huge brothel.

      73 miners went to the Drumheller Hospital.

      67 went to the brothel.

      The doctors at the hospital treated their patients with the recommended medicines and treatments of the world medical establishment of the day.

      The brothel madame treated her patients with her homemade moonshine.

      All 73 patients at the hospital died.

      All 67 at the brothel survived.

      True story.

      I think in this time of Covid, rather than wasting efforts on developing vaccines, people should start checking old recipes of brothel madames for homemade moonshine.

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