Atlantis
In fathoms deep
In the deep blue sea 🌊
She lies
Atlantis
The lost city
Louis Alphonse Cousteau
Great nephew of Jacques Cousteau
Was looking for her
Atlantis
Financed by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set
Cousteau sailed the submarine The Amphitrite to depths
Never before seen
And there she was
In front of Louis Alphonse Cousteau
And the entire Amphitrite crew
Atlantis
The mermaid 🧜‍♀️ Ionela appeared in front of the sub
“Away!” “Away!” She said
“For this is where the Kraken sleeps.”
“Which Kraken?” Cousteau asked.
“Zeus’ kraken,” Ionela answered.
“What is the name of Zeus’ kraken?”
Cousteau inquired.
“Phobos Maximus,” Ionela replied.
“Let us leave this place,”
Cousteau said to his crew,
“Let sleeping Krakens lie.”
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 31st
2023.
Listening To Renfield’s Podcast In A Tea Room and Watching Jefferey The Otter Sober Up
La belle Helene in a tea room
Helene was in a tea room.
She was listening to a podcast of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
Said Renfield, “Canada’s bedwetting Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau says Meta’s opposition to Bill C-18 (Trudeau’s Internet Censorship Bill) is undemocratic.”
Renfield went on, “On the subject of being undemocratic, if Justin Trudeau would kindly remove the Amazon rainforest from his own eye, then he’d be able to see clearly before he starts removing the sliver from Meta’s eye.”
Helene laughed.
Renfield went on, “Certain people are just scumbags by their very nature and Justin Trudeau is one of them.”
Helene sipped her tea and smiled.
Renfield continued, “And now we have an airheaded guest from America here in our podcast studio. One who just posted an article at an online journaling site called Medium… what was the name of your article again?”.
The woman answered, “I took my pre-school child to a drag queen show and I’m proud of it.”
Renfield pulled out a gun and shot her.
“Well, you won’t be doing that again,” Renfield commented.
As a forensic unit removed the airhead’s body from the studio, Renfield went on to other news stories.
Explained Renfield, “The Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby says the UK’s New Migrant Bill is morally wrong but sodomy isn’t.
This shows where the Archbishop of Canterbury has his priorities.
In his rear end. 🍑🍆 “
Helene spewed the tea she had just sipped out of her mouth as she laughed.
The spewed tea hit Jefferey the Otter in the face as he was carried into the tea shop by the former DARPA operative code named Hyperion Sturm and by the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg.
“I do apologize,” Helene said as she sat there with a filtered cigarette holder in her hand.
“My dear, you look positively masturbatory,” Jefferey the talking otter commented as he looked at her.
“Quick, George,” Hyperion exclaimed, “Grab Jefferey’s paws and flippers. We don’t want Jefferey arrested for performing an indecent act in public.”
George did so.
“Roll out the barrel,” Jefferey started singing.
“Coffee,” Hyperion said to the waitress, “Pots and pots of coffee.”
“What’s the matter with your otter?” Helene asked.
“He has a drinking problem and he needs to sober up before he reads the Communist Chinese plans for the invasion of Taiwan,” Hyperion answered.
“Jefferey was taught how to read and write by DARPA,” George added, “He can read and write in a dozen different languages. Only problem is he has dyslexia. As well as a drinking problem.”
“Why of all the otters 🦦 in all the world,” Helene asked, “Did DARPA choose one with dyslexia to be their intelligence analysis reader and translator?”.
“DARPA is a government agency,” Hyperion explained, “And they do stuff like that.”
Jefferey the otter now used Computer Software For Dyslexics developed by South African inventor Timothy Wood (himself a lifelong dyslexic) to help him.
The name of the software is Polly Speaks 4 U and is available at :
http://www.pollyspeaks4u.co.za/
A parrot 🦜 flew in through the door and landed on Jefferey’s stomach.
Jefferey barked and then Polly looked at Helene.
“Squawk! Polly wants a blow job!” Polly squawked, “”Squawk! Polly wants a blow job!”.
“George, get that damned parrot 🦜 out of here!”, Hyperion shouted.
“Are you sure DARPA couldn’t use him for his obviously awesome mind reading skills?” George asked, “I have the feeling he’s able to read the mind of every male in this place.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 12th
2023.
Sherrielock Holmes In Vienna
Sherrielock Holmes in Vienna
Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal and young looking twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes was in Vienna.
Miss Holmes was a dominatrix by profession.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had brought her to Vienna to help out with secret negotiations that he, along with others, was hoping to get a peace treaty signed between Russia 🇷🇺 and Ukraine 🇺🇦.
There had been a few stumbling blocks.
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was required to do something to help out with the negotiations.
But Erdogan had refused.
So Renfield had arranged for the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the actress wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian the Great) to beat the crap out of Erdogan until he agreed.
Theodora had done just that.
And Erdogan agreed đź‘Ť.
Now both the lead Russian 🇷🇺 negotiator and lead Ukrainian 🇺🇦 negotiator were dragging their heels in accepting final details.
This called for tougher heels đź‘ (as in super spiked stiletto high heels đź‘ ).
So Renfield had called in Sherrielock Holmes in her capacity as a professional dominatrix to tomato 🍅 the buns 🍑 of both men in order to get them to agree to terms.
After a thorough and sound paddling of both men on their bare buttocks that lasted hours, both men had agreed to terms.
As both men wept tears equivalent to the Indian, Atlantic and Pacific Oceans 🌊, Sherrielock put her paddle away, adjusted her dress and combed her hair and immediately walked down the stairs:
Where she was immediately greeted by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“May I have the pleasure of this next dance?” Van Helsing asked.
“Is it The Blue Danube?” Sherrielock inquired.
“It is,” Van Helsing nodded.
They proceeded to dance (and enjoyed the dance while Lenin’s ghost was down in Tartarus roasting away on a rotating rotisserie barbecue spit on what would have been his 153rd birthday today).
“Well,” Renfield lit a cigar and spoke to the ghost of Orson Welles, “Sherrielock Holmes may have just prevented World War III.”
“The American Deep State forces behind Joe Biden will be very disappointed,” Welles sipped a spectral glass of spectral red wine, “We will have no World War III before its time.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 23rd
2023.
Renfield Sends U₱ High-Altitude Balloons
British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was finishing u₱ his Monday night ₱odcast as his friend Amadeus Emanon waited for him.
The Mystery of The Em₱ty Gas Tanks
British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was driving his vintage antique 1909 Thomas Flyabout.
“Um…. Renfield,” ₱rime Minister Sunak said with some alarm, “I think those are…”
Renfield’s January 12th 2023 ₱odcast
Egy₱tian Vam₱ire Set In New York City
Renfield’s Thursday December 8th ₱odcast
Saturn Kronos Heads To The North ₱ole
World famous genetically created satyr ₱an Goatee was once again riding a bus.
The Odin Gungnir Rocket: From Wernher von Braun To Kim Jong-un
Yale University librarian Krista Shearer locates a rare book of sonnets written by little known Irish ₱oet Sean McHendry as FBI S₱ecial Agent Cameron Brown looks on.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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