The Jeffraken Rises In The Sea of Galilee
The Jeffraken Rises In The Sea of Galilee
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was smoking a cigar and drinking brandy and eating tuna fish sandwiches in his office and trying to think up hundreds of amendments to give to pro-Brexit peers in the House of Lords in order to delay passage of the bill forbidding a no-deal Brexit until Parliament was suspended next week.
Among the amendments Renfield had come up with for the bill was a demand that the EU should change the European Union anthem from the tune and lyrics of Beethoven’s Song of Joy to the tune and lyrics of the Monty Python’s Flying Circus song How Sweet To Be An Idiot.
Another amendment was a demand that the EU must pay for Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn’s gender reassignment surgery in Sweden and also donate a portion of the European Union’s Research and Development Budget to allocate funds to see if it was scientifically possible for Jeremy Corbyn to grow himself a pair of testicles.
. . .
Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking along the shores of the Sea of Galilee.
For the past few days, there were reports of the sighting of a Kraken rising from the Sea of Galilee.
Whitstable had heard it on good authority (from the Greek sea god Poseidon no less) that Zeus had recently ordered his Kraken to be released upon the world.
Whitstable was walking the shores of Galilee to see if this was Zeus’ kraken who was rising from the depths of the Sea of Galilee.
Suddenly there were huge screams coming from along the shores.
Whitstable looked and up rose from the waters a giant kraken with 8 huge gigantic legs covered in huge gigantic tentacles.
Even more terrifying was the head of the kraken.
For the head was not an octopus head.
Rather it was the head of the supposedly dead perverted billionaire financier and possible Mossad operative Jeffrey Epstein.
The Jeffraken had risen from the depths of the Sea of Galilee.
. . .
Dashwood Forrest was getting a visit from the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal.
Donegal was carrying news from Persephone the Greek goddess Queen of the Underworld.
Persephone was feeling guilty over something her husband Hades had done.
Hades had recently released from the realm of the dead the ghost of Captain Rainbow Beard the most infamous and bloodthirsty pirate ever to sail the 7 Seas.
Captain Rainbow Beard made the pirate Blackbeard and the notorious wife murderer Bluebeard look like Boy Scouts by comparison.
Captain Rainbow Beard was a devout worshipper of the demons Baal and Baphomet.
His human sacrifices and degenerate perverted orgies were the stuff of pirate lore.
Today he’d probably be considered the leading candidate for the U.S. Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 2020 to run against Donald Trump the personal and favoured choice of the demons Mammon and Mephistopheles.
Apparently Captain Rainbow Beard was still bitter about the only defeat he had ever suffered as a pirate- the Battle of the Bahamas.
A battle which would turn out to be Captain Rainbow Beard’s last- for he was killed in that battle.
Rainbow Beard’s opponents in that battle were Captain Kerry Donegal himself and the 18th Century Scottish Jacobite Pirate Queen Sonja Henderson (who was turned into a vampiress shortly after that battle).
All the while he was roasting away on his spit in Tartarus (as his rear end was sodomized by a goat), Captain Rainbow Beard swore vengeance on the Bahamas- the area of the world where he was defeated and killed.
One day the god Hades was walking by and challenged him to a poker game.
Hades lost.
The price for losing was that Rainbow Beard was freed from his spit (and his rear end was freed from the goat) and someday the pirate would be allowed to leave the Underworld for the world above.
When Rainbow Beard heard news of the storm Dorian forming in the Atlantic off the coast of Africa and the possibility it might become a hurricane, the insidious pirate set off in search of the notorious Victorian era libertine Dorian Gray (whom Oscar Wilde had once written a book about) that he had once encountered in the flames of Tartarus.
Rainbow Beard gave Gray some Hellish hashish (which would make him more susceptible to the pirate’s hypnotic powers of suggestion) and also fed him some of the Philistine giant Goliath’s blood making him rapidly increase in stature and height.
Rainbow Beard then went to see Hades and the infernal deity granted the pirate and Dorian Gray permission to leave the Underworld.
Rainbow Beard got the now giant Dorian Gray to enter the eye of the storm of Hurricane Dorian and cause massive chaos and havoc when it hit the Bahamas- site of Captain Rainbow Beard’s massive defeat centuries earlier.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 4th
2019.
The 18th Century Scottish Jacobite Pirate Queen Sonja Henderson now a vampiress
Lilith In London
Lilith In London
The Babylonian vampiress Lilith was in London in an old abandoned factory.
She was watching the ghost of Orson Welles direct a short film showing the retirement party of a modern major-general.
As the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate captain of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal stood by, the retiring major-general sang from The Pirates of Penzance, “I am the very model of the modern major-general…”
Although the major-general wore a typical major-general’s handlebar style moustache, he also wore a Versace dress evening gown.
For being the very model of the modern major-general, he/she was naturally transgendered.
When he had finished singing “I am the very model of the modern major-general”, some of his soldiers went and sang an old musical routine from Monty Python’s Flying Circus,
“Who says I’m a puff? I’ve got your number but you couldn’t afford me dear. Ooooooooohhhhhh!”.
Orson Welles looked at his ghostly antique timepiece watch and said, “Okay, that’s a wrap.”
Cast and crew broke for the day.
Among the spectators at the film shoot was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
Just the man that Lilith wanted to see.
“Van Helsing!” She called out from where she sat.
The vampire hunter turned around.
Lilith immediately ran towards him, threw him to the ground and mounted him.
“I’m looking for a tantric sex partner,” she whispered as she ripped his clothes off.
Orson Welles turned around, “Well, Dracul, are you ready to head back to Set’s mansion?”.
He then noticed what Dracul and Lilith were doing.
“I guess not,” Welles’ ghost shook his head.
He headed to a nearby pub and ordered a spectral glass of red wine.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 4th
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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