Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

October 10, 2018 at 11:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Samael Satan Santa Muerte In The Midst of Hurricane Michael

The fallen Archangel Samael (who was actually the entity called Satan in the Book of Job and not Lucifer the Devil) is in the middle of the vortex that is Hurricane Michael as it weaves its path of destruction.

Samael, who had been spending a great deal of time in Mexico where he was worshiped as the spectral figure of Santa Muerte (depicted as a female Saint since Samael dressed in drag for this apparition after having fallen prey to a psychoanalysis session conducted by the bisexual transgendered goat-Human hybrid demon god Baphomet) by the Mexican drug cartels, drug dealers and various drug gang members, had heard of the tropical storm that was named Michael.

Since Michael was his old nemesis who had thrown him out of Heaven (Michael having done the very same to the first rebellious Archangel Lucifer the Devil also called the Ancient Serpent and the Great Dragon), Samael decided to take revenge on his old nemesis by entering the eye of the tropical storm and turning it into a hurricane to wreak great destruction.

This would be his vengeance against Michael.

Hell hath no fury like a fallen Archangel thrown out of Heaven.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was in his greenhouse inhaling marijuana smoke 💨 being exhaled by his genetically created pot smoking desert cactus 🌵 plant that he had named Strawberry Fields Forever.

He was also practicing a Guided Imagery Visualization exercise that he had read in a New Age book that came highly recommended by Oprah.

Then his spirit guide adviser appeared to him who was none other than Gali-Gula an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.

Only this time unlike his previous appearances, Gali-Gula had two heads instead of one.

“Wow, you have two heads,” said an impressed Justin, “Totally far out, man.”

“I don’t really have two heads,” Gali-Gula looked in the mirror to make sure, “Only you inhaled pot and practiced Guided Imagery Visualization at the same time. Something you should never do. Like drinking and driving, they don’t mix. That’s why you see me with an extra head.”

“Wow, imagine the shape I’d be in if I encountered a hundred headed hydra then,” Justin was starting to get a bad case of the munchies and ordered a super deluxe pizza 🍕 on his smart phone.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Gali-Gula asked the Canadian Prime Minister.

“What did I want to talk to you about?” Justin scratched his second head as he looked at his reflection in the mirror, “Oh, what did you think of my saving the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment?”.

“You didn’t save the NAFTA Trade Deal at the last moment and the deal is now called the USMCA,” Gali-Gula answered as he sucked on a lollipop 🍭 as Strawberry Fields Forever hoisted a sailing ⛵️ ship mast on his prickly person and started to sing an old Shirley Temple song from the 1930s.

“I didn’t and it is?” Justin fell back on the greenhouse’s soft carpeted floor (the Prime Minister had ordered the greenhouse floor to be carpeted to prevent further head injury to himself), “Wow. This is really turning into the trip of a lifetime.”

“Yes, what happened is when the NAFTA talks with Canada were on the verge of collapse last week, your Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland hired British dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 Donald Trump’s buttocks and get him to do something to save the deal. After he was unable to sit down, Trump asked his son-in-law Jared Kushner to do something to save the talks. So Kushner went in at the last hour and saved the deal that became the USMCA,” Gali-Gula explained as he blew a twenty foot bubble with a piece of bubble gum.

“So it was Jared Kushner that saved our trade deal with the U.S.?” Justin sighed as the ET gray burst his bubble, “No wonder Ivanka turned down my marriage proposal.”

. . .

London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was waiting outside Westminster Abbey where she was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to show up.

Both Sherrielock and Dracul had been hired by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to prevent a combined mermaid-Russian invasion of Israel.

As Dracul approached the lovely immortal dominatrix, Sherrielock said to him,

“Why, Dracul, what a big Cossack fur hat you have.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 10th
2018.

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Dracul and Qonzilqointec On Feast Day of Saint Pius X

August 21, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Qonzilqointec On Feast Day of Saint Pius X

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

She wore a low-cut short skirted red rose 🌹 decorated white mini dress and a pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled sandals 👡 whose colour matched her purse 👜.

As soon as Dracul saw her, he realized right then and there that he’d have to take her right then and there on the spot.

Qonzilqointec was expecting that (in fact she was immensely looking forward to it) and so she hadn’t worn any panties under her dress.

Dracul mounted her and they engaged in several hours of highly orgasmic tantric sex which had a major effect on the Ring of Fire around the Pacific Ocean 🌊.

Coincidentally 69 (yes, 69) major earthquakes hit the Ring of Fire and the area around the Yellowstone super volcano 🌋 was on high alert.

. . .

August 21st was the Feast Day of Pope Saint Pius X.

Pope Francis didn’t really relish celebrating the Feast as Saint Pius X had been a Pope who believed in the existence of Hell (much to Pope Francis’ discomfort).

Nevertheless he said a commemoration Mass today for the sake of appearances.

No telling what Cardinal Raymond Burke and Cardinal Robert Sarah would have said if he hadn’t.

Pope Francis then left the Mass for his meeting to discuss the environment and sustainable development for Earth 🌏 Mother Gaia with Lev Tomi the Secretary of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

Lev Tomi was a vampire.

In his mortal life he had been the Russian Bolshevik revolutionary Leon Trotsky who had a falling out with Josef Stalin and was expelled from the USSR in February 1929.

It was on this date August 21st back in 1940 that Trotsky had been bitten on the neck and turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City.

The bite that changed him from mortal to vampiric immortal happened shorty after midnight 🕛 Mexico City local time on August 21st.

If he hadn’t been turned into a vampire, he would have succumbed to his head wounds from an ice pick attack to the head and died.

The ice pick attack happened on August 20th 1940 in Mexico City and was administered by Spanish-born Stalinist agent Ramon Mercader acting on Stalin’s orders.

Trotsky’s “death” was announced to the world as a way to prevent any further attacks on his person by agents of Josef Stalin (it also saved Stalinist agents the embarrassment of having to carry Crosses and Crucifixes and Holy Water as well as hawthorn wooden stakes on their person in an effort to dispose of Trotsky in his current state).

Trotsky changed his name to Lev Tomi and moved to New York City where he worked as a non-starving artist (since he didn’t have to pay to drink blood- his main diet).

When the United Nations was formed in 1945, he got a job working at the UN in New York and worked his way up to become Secretary of The UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

“So,” Pope Francis asked Trotsky aka Tomi, “how shall we bring about a world global government to save Mother Earth 🌏?”.

Tomi aka Trotsky told him.

. . .

One of Israel’s leading Kabbalistic rabbis was giving an address in a synagogue on how various mystical rabbis throughout the centuries had predicted the arrival of an alien 👽 ET saviour from another planet who would be the ultimate blessed hope of the Jewish people.

The Mossad agent who was codenamed the Controller of the Golem sat in the front row of the synagogue 🕍 in a state of shock.

Never before had he heard such utter blasphemy.

His gentile guests the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and Prince Vlad Dracula of Wallachia and Count of Transylvania were likewise shocked 😳 😮 as they sat in the front row.

What was really disturbing the Controller thought to himself was that this same Kabbalistic rabbi (who had just prophesied the advent of an alien 👽 ET saviour from another planet) had numerous gentile disciples in America- most of whom were well-known supposedly “Christian” televangelists.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 21st
2018.

Qonzilqointec on an historic date-
in every sense of that word.

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The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery

July 29, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, painting, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London cemetery.

The British Transhumanist MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 was trying to track down the location of the Ring of Solomon in Israel on behalf of the British government and Set Enterprises.

The Ring of Solomon was the ring that Israel’s King Solomon used to control both demons and djinn 🧞‍♀️ 🧞‍♂️ to help him build a Temple to God in Jerusalem.

It had been found in Jerusalem back on December 11th 1917 when British General Edmund Allenby captured the city from the Ottoman Turks.

Allenby had ordered the ring hidden.

He had the location of the ring hidden in code in an oil painting that Allenby had commissioned be painted of his good friend the late Sir Simon Baskerville after the British spymaster’s assassination by Intelligence agents of the German Kaiser.

The oil painting had stood in plain view in the abandoned halls of Baskerville Hall until this past Saturday.

Baskerville Hall was currently owned by London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest.

Morgana had got her good friend the maker of Britain’s best frozen steak and kidney pie dinners millionaire Sir Rodney Fahrenham to purchase the painting from Forrest.

Forrest had gone to the Baskerville Hall estate in Devon yesterday to pick up the painting of Sir Simon Baskerville.

And there in the empty frame where the portrait had been- stood- Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal- the vampiress who along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar had been secretly controlling the Vatican since October 13th of last year.

Allatallahbel had flashed a wicked vampiress smile – bearing her vampiric incisors at the Oscar Wilde admiring flamboyant London art gallery dealer.

An astral projected image of a talking otter (who was vigorously holding a bottle of bourbon in one of his flippers) that was being astral projected by DARPA headquarters in the U.S. urged Dashwood to “Run, Forrest, run.”

The talking otter need say no more (and indeed he didn’t- for he immediately started drinking from the bottle of bourbon).

Forrest ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

While the halls of Baskerville Hall rang out with the sinister vampiress laughter of Allatallahbel.

Beneath the great majestic staircase of Baskerville Hall, The Vampiric Knights-Templar stood like choir boys and sang,

“Deck the halls with laughs of vampiress- fang-la-la-la-la…”

Morgana had contacted Dracul Van Helsing for advice on how to get the portrait painting of Sir Simon Baskerville back from Allatallahbel and the Vampiric Knights-Templar.

Dracul Van Helsing approached the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.

He was stark naked.

For he had been drinking bottles of Coca-Cola all afternoon and was quite over caffeinated.

As such, he had forgot to put any clothes on.

Furious, Morgana ordered Dracul to lie across her skirted and silk pantyhose lap as she sat on a gravestone and then pulled out a large wooden hairbrush that she used to give the vampire hunter a spanking he’d never forget.

When she had finished, Dracul mounted Morgana and made wild passionate love to her.

The Hindu god Shiva had been walking by the cemetery with his wife Kali at the time.

Both deities were in London attending the grand opening of London’s latest world class curry 🍛 restaurant serving the best Indian food outside India.

As Dracul and Morgana both came, Shiva remarked to Kali, “That’s the greatest explosion 💥 I’ve seen since Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer detonated the first atomic bomb at the Trinity test in New Mexico on July 16th 1945 and quoted the Bhagavad Gita, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” “

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 29th
2018.

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Peter Whitstable: On The Trail of Demon Possessed Dogs In The English Countryside

July 15, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable: On The Trail of Demon Possessed Dogs In The English Countryside

British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked after watching Infowars Conspiracy Theorist Alex Jones on YouTube on his laptop, “This Alex Jones is an idiot for calling New York’s 14th Congressional District Democratic Party nominee Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a Communist. The man doesn’t seem to know the difference between a Communist and a Eurosocialist.”

“And then of course,” Amadeus Emanon remarked in reply, “There’s British television interviewer Piers Morgan who’s an idiot for not knowing that journalist Ash Sarkar is a Communist when everyone else in Britain knows that Ash Sarkar is a self admitted Communist.”

“That was pretty funny,” Renfield smiled, “when pompous Piers said to her “You talk like a Communist” and Ash replied, “I am a Communist, you idiot.” “

. . .

Vladimir Putin lay down to rest.

Today he awarded the 2018 FIFA World Cup to France 🇫🇷.

Tomorrow he’d be meeting America’s Twitterer-In-Chief Donald Trump.

As Putin lay on his pillow, a raven flew in through the window and cried, “Beware the Lobsters of July!
Beware the Lobsters of July!”.

A bust of Pallas Athena fell off his bedroom writing table.

And a leather bound old volume copy of The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe fell off his book shelf.

The raven turned and flew out the window.

“What the Hell,” Putin wondered, “does that mean?”.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was trekking through the English countryside.

A pair of demonically possessed dogs were running loose.

They had escaped after an exorcism attempt was performed on them by the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church.

They had then tried to attack U. S. President Donald Trump at a statue unveiling outside The Trump Arms Pub in London.

And now they were running lose in the English countryside creating chaos and havoc.

Eating sheep 🐑 and then regurgitating goats 🐐.

One of the demon possessed dogs used to be a Dachshund named Bashful.

He had now turned into a giant spectral wolfhound who was the Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated.

The other demon possessed dog was a Welsh corgi named Friendly.

He had since turned into a dog with the body of a Saint Bernard but he now had 3 heads- the head of a Rottweiler, the head of a Bassett hound and the head of a chihuahua.

Whitstable stumbled onto an English country pub.

He decided to go inside and ask them if they had seen the demon possessed dogs who were somewhat recognizable in appearance.

When he came through the door, he noticed to his surprise the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith sitting on a chair at the end of the bar.

“Good evening, Mr. Whitstable,” she smiled her sweet Vampiric incisors at him, “Can you tell me where your friend Dracul Van Helsing is?”.

“What do you want with Van Helsing?” Whitstable asked.

At that moment, a copy of the Kama Sutra fell off one of the pub book shelves.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 15th
2018.

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Reblog- Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec and The Roswell UFO Crash

July 8, 2018 at 10:18 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in mourning for the victims of the Roswell crash

A vampire novel chapter I posted a year ago yesterday on the 70th Anniversary of the Roswell crash- a crash that UFO 🛸 enthusiasts believe was of an extraterrestrial 👽 spacecraft that contained the bodies of ET grays.

Dracul Van Helsing

Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

French UFO researcher Jacques Vallee was sipping cognac and reflecting on how it was 70 years ago today that a UFO flying saucer was said to have crashed on a ranch near the town of Roswell New Mexico.

Later the crashed vehicle was said to be just a downed weather balloon.

Although others had speculated that the crashed vehicle was a self-conscious self-aware Hoover vacuum cleaner that had a premonitory vision of the message implied in Richard Bach’s 1970s bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Vallee didn’t know what to think about the incident.

ET better phone the nearest American Automobile Association Auto Club, was that what happened ? Vallee wondered.

His housekeeper entered the room to tell Vallee about two phone calls for him.

Mikhail Gorbachev was on Line 1 and Pope Francis was on Line 2.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister…

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: The Beginning of Donald Trump’s Downfall?

June 29, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: The Beginning of Donald Trump’s Downfall?

British MP Renfield R. Renfield sat riveted to the TV as he watched New York’s 14th Congressional District Democratic Primary winner Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez appear on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

This past Tuesday June 26th 2018, Miss Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had defeated 10 term Democratic Congressman and the district’s incumbent the House of Representatives Democratic Caucus Chair Joseph Crowley in the biggest upset victory in the 2018 U.S. Mid-Term election.

She defeated Mr. Crowley by a margin of 57% to 42%.

The district (which is made up of Queens and the Bronx) if it decides to elect Miss Ocasio-Cortez next November will be sending to Washington the youngest Congresswoman in U.S. history (she is only 28).

Renfield sighed as he saw her appear on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

“I imagine,” Renfield said as he looked at her with the intensity of Romeo when he first saw Juliet, “that if Donald Trump ever tweets about her, he’ll have a hard on as he’s doing so.”

Amadeus Emanon who was about to eat a baby carrot 🥕 from his salad 🥗 put it down after Renfield made this remark.

“Well,” Amadeus winced, “I don’t often lose my appetite but your comment about Donald Trump having a hard on while he’s tweeting and twittering managed to do just that.”

“Sorry,” Renfield apologized.

He knew how much his friend loved food.

“It’s all right,” Amadeus said, “Angelique has been telling me for quite a while now that I should really lose weight.”

The New Orleans songstress and vampiress Angelique Dumont was Amadeus’ girlfriend.

“She may have something there,” Renfield remarked as he had discovered this morning that this was the 29th time in 29 days of June that the bathroom weigh scale had been broken.

“What’s different about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez from her defeated Establishment opponent Rep. Joseph Crowley?” Amadeus asked.

“Well for one thing she’s a democratic socialist,” Renfield helped himself to some Swedish meatballs since Amadeus didn’t seem to be eating them at the moment.

“Isn’t that what the British Labour Party is?” Amadeus thought of Jeremy Corbyn.

“They are,” Renfield now ate some of Amadeus’ black pudding and poached eggs.

“And the New Democratic Party in Canada?” Amadeus queried.

“That’s right,” Renfield now started working on Amadeus’ maple syrup smothered pancakes 🥞 , “although Dracul Van Helsing’s father told him that quite a number of hard line Marxists, Leninists and Trotskyites did enter the party when the old farmer based CCF (Co-operative Commonwealth Federation) merged with the Ontario based CLC (Canadian Labour Congress) to form the NDP (New Democratic Party) back in 1961.”

“Wasn’t Dracul Van Helsing’s father the Provincial Co-ordinator of the Alberta CCF back in the 1950s?” Amadeus asked.

“He was,” Renfield started eating numerous strips of bacon 🥓 off Amadeus’ oversized plate.

“What else does Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stand for?” Amadeus watched Renfield eating what had been his combined breakfast, lunch and dinner plate.

“She supports nationally publicly funded healthcare accessible to all,” Renfield proceeded to eat himself towards a major heart attack and cardiac arrest in the next 5 minutes.

“But we’ve got that in Britain 🇬🇧,” Amadeus pointed out.

“And in most countries of Western Europe and the British Commonwealth including Canada,” Renfield ate Amadeus’ steak and kidney pie 🥧.

“Anything else she stands for?” Amadeus was debating with himself if he should start feeling hungry again.

“Free tuition at public colleges, universities and trade schools,” Renfield devoured the cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches.

“Dracul Van Helsing supports that doesn’t he?” Amadeus asked.

“Yes,” Renfield helped himself to the ketchup smothered macaroni and cheese, “he points out that’s what made Ireland 🇮🇪 the Celtic Tiger economy of the 1990s. Having a vast highly educated young work force as a result of providing free tuition at publicly funded universities and trade schools caused many companies to set up shop in Ireland so they could employ this brilliant young work force crackling with ideas and high productivity.”

“Did they ever try that in Canada?” Amadeus watched the last of the dozen maple syrup covered pancakes 🥞 disappear.

“John Manley the man that Dracul Van Helsing supported for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Liberal Party back in 2003 advocated the idea,” Renfield lumberjacked his way through the Bavarian Black Forest cake, “but unfortunately for Mr. Manley, another leadership candidate called Paul Martin had already sown up over 50% of the delegates even before the leadership convention was called so Manley didn’t even bother running.”

“So this Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who could probably easily be elected Prime Minister of Canada is considered a radical in American politics while Herr Hitler Lite (as opposed to Miller Lite or Coors Lite) aka Donald Trump is considered the great American patriot by the Tea Party which has now become the mainstream of the Republican Party,” Amadeus saw his German apple strudel disappear under the dinner fork 🍴like wand of Renfield the Magician.

“Yes,” Renfield washed his huge meal down with a one litre bottle of brandy.

Amadeus sighed as the Good Plate Amadeus had gone the way of Renfield.

Renfield rewound the video of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s interview on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

He watched enthusiastically again.

He then stood up.

He walked over to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s antique phone in the kitchen.

“I’m going to see if I can get this Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s phone number and offer her some political advice,” Renfield explained as he dialled the number.

“More likely you’re going to try to ask her for a date,” Amadeus sighed.

“Well that too,” Renfield grinned.

“Say,” Amadeus suddenly noticed that Renfield had left him one piece of dessert and also noticed something else, “what’s that huge bulge in the middle of your tight British tweed trousers?”.

“Well,” Renfield’s face started turning red.

“Never mind it just occurred to me,” Amadeus laid aside the giant banana 🍌 that he was about to eat but he had suddenly lost his appetite again.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 29th
2018.

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Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd
2018.

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Cherchez La Femme

June 21, 2018 at 9:52 pm (Detective story, Entertainment, Film, Mystery, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Cherchez La Femme

It would take a long time for the sun to set on Sunset Boulevard tonight
Carson Cody Albion thought to himself
in the midst of cigarette smoke and haze of bourbon
in his Los Angeles private eye’s office
It being the Summer Solstice and all that

Long hours of daylight
The riff raff of the city wouldn’t have so many hours to steal, extort and murder
Bummer for them! Albion thought

Albion had been hired to find a woman
Cherchez la Femme
as the French would say

He’d been told that she only seemed to venture forth at night
by the man who had hired him
The man a Hollywood director intended to give la Femme a screen test

Yeah right!
That’s what they call it these days
Albion laughed to himself
The gumshoe had his office door open to try to keep things cool
Between the hallway fan and the office ceiling fan
Maybe a touch of the Norse frost giants
would help cool down the flames 🔥 of Hades
on this Midsummer Night in Los Angeles

Albion’s ice in his glass had melted
The penalty for drinking straight from the bottle
He reflected
Well he should go see the sun set on this solstice night
before he started hitting the night spots and lounges
where la Femme was said to hang out

Albion locked his office door and walked down the four flights of stairs to the office building lobby
He tipped his fedora to the cleaning lady and walked out into the night

The neon lights hadn’t started to shine yet
As he walked through his sector of the city
They wouldn’t really come on until after the sun had set
Maybe that’s why he preferred California winters to California summers
The temperatures were about the same
maybe slightly cooler by inches of degrees in the winter
but what was missing was the glow of neon at night
in the summer
Neon the blood that seemed to make this city feel alive

It pulsed like the beat of a drum 🥁
and summoned all to partake in the wildness of the night
It was there that this urban jungle became a jungle
The women danced and swayed like tropical 🌴 dancers
and the men sharpened their spears for the time it was necessary
to stab both friend and foe in the back

Albion saw the sun set
He whistled
and the nearest neon light
seemed to answer his call
flickering on like a woman stirring towards orgasm

Speaking of women, it was time to Cherchez la Femme
Several gin joints and several nightclubs later,
he found her
in a midnight blue evening dress

Her brunette hair
The touch of a foreign accent as she introduced her next song into the microphone
Romanian I believe the film director said it was
And when she sang, Albion thought that the moonlight had never serenaded the ocean 🌊 so beautifully
The City of Angels had been touched by an angel
Albion stubbed out his cigarette
and approached her
when she had finished singing her numbers

It was a Los Angeles night in the mid-1940s
Midsummer Night
and Orson Welles wanted him
Carson Cody Albion to locate a woman for a screen test

What Midsummer Night’s Dream did Mr. Welles have in mind,
Albion thought cynically to himself,
after all the man was married to Rita Hayworth?
Wasn’t the Love Goddess enough for him?

But enough of reflecting like Chandler’s Philip Marlowe,
Albion started heading in the woman’s direction
for he didn’t have all eternity to make a connection
La Femme flashed Albion a warm smile as she saw him approach
Her sharp incisors that hung from her top front teeth puzzled the private eye
What manner of woman is this? Albion thought
If Albion knew at the time he asked himself this question
he’d have realized that the woman did have all eternity.

-A private eye poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 21st
2018

Dracul Van Helsing was in Romania.

He was trying to track down Dracula’s daughter the Countess Draculina on behalf of her father.

The Count since his Cadbury Rocher inspired vampiric resurrection had learned how to use the Internet.

He was trying to track down his daughter.

The only thing he managed to find on the World Wide Web was that his daughter had once done a screen test for Orson Welles back in the 1940s

Now Van Helsing had managed to track her to Romania her ancestral homeland.

He had heard that she had dyed her hair blonde.

He walked over to the window of his room in the old inn in which he was staying.

And watched the sun set on the Carpathian Mountains on this summer solstice evening.

He turned on the television to watch the news hoping to find out the weather.

And there he saw… Countess Draculina.

(Notice her vampiric incisors unless of course your eyes are focused elsewhere for some reason 😉)

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The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore

June 11, 2018 at 10:51 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore

Kim Yo-jong the sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was walking through the streets of Singapore late at night.

A man wearing dark sunglasses 😎 and a red spider monkey fur toupee (surrounded by a group of men in black overcoats also wearing dark sunglasses 🕶 and earphones in their ears) approached her.

The man was turned on by Kim Yo-jong’s tight clinging skirt and exquisite pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes 👠.

“Excuse me, miss, but would you be willing to give me a blow job?” The man with the toupee asked her.

“He’ll gladly pay you $130,000,” the man’s lawyer spoke to Kim Yo-jong via FaceTime on the toupee wearing man’s iPhone that was made in China by Chinese slave labour.

Kim Yo-jong told the toupee wearing man, “Go fuck yourself, you pervert!” and kicked the man in the balls sending him backwards 666 yards.

“She’s assaulted the President! Grab her!” One of the men in black overcoat and wearing dark sunglasses shouted to the others wearing the same.

The men in black overcoats and dark sunglasses simultaneously reached out to grab her.

They likewise found themselves kicked several hundreds of yards away by the North Korean Dragon Sister and had resulting extremely sore testicles as well.

“I’m glad I decided to turn in live to this live Singapore camera street shot on YouTube,” a former DARPA employee remarked to his pet otter over a shared bottle of bourbon after watching the previous martial arts display live.

The otter nodded enthusiastically.

As Kim Yo-jong walked down the street, a white wolf with blue eyes looked protectively at the woman and followed her.

When she returned safely to her hotel, the white wolf then walked several blocks away to another hotel.

He rode the elevator up to the 18th floor of the hotel.

With his right front paw, he then entered a computerized password on the door and the door to the room opened.

Standing there was a black jaguar with golden greenish eyes who emitted a loud hiss at the white wolf with blue eyes.

“Begone Satan!” A female voice said.

The black jaguar turned, saw the woman and vanished.

The woman was the ghost of Rita Hayworth who had been sent from Paradise to Earth on the orders of Saint Michael the Archangel.

As Rita Hayworth sat there in her heavenly white evening dress, the white wolf with blue eyes wagged his tail.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 11th
2018.

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Encore of Dracul, Aphrodite and Ares

May 31, 2018 at 9:14 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote almost a year ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

When Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing returned to his office at MI-6 Diablos Nocturna Division Headquarters, he was surprised to see the Greek goddess Aphrodite sitting there waiting for him.

“Aphrodite,” Dracul said, “What a pleasant surprise. Have you brought more news about Hephaestus?”.

“No,” Aphrodite shook her head, “Hephaestus has given up building missiles for North Korea’s Kim Jong-un. He’s now working on building incredible machines for a steampunk genre sci-fi film about Jack the Ripper escaping down the Thames River in a submarine.”

“I’ll have to see that movie when it comes out,” said Dracul.

“Have you seen the new Wonder Woman film?” Aphrodite asked.

“Not yet,” said Dracul, “but I’d like to. It sounds like an excellent film judging from the reviews. It’s set against the background of the First World War which I’ve recently started studying. The First World War is often overshadowed by World…

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