Klondike Helen
Klondike Helen the belle of Dawson City during the days of the Klondike Gold Rush
She had been born Helen McGarrett (no relation to Steve McGarrett of Hawaii Five-0 fame) in Montreal, Canada in 1875.o
When news of the Klondike Gold Rush in Canada’s northern territory of Yukon spread far and wide throughout North America, Helen headed up to Dawson City (a town built at the confluence of the Klondike and Yukon Rivers) the site of the Gold Rush to seek fame and fortune.
The year was 1899 and a stranger from London England arrived to see Klondike Helen.
And there she was standing in front of the piano in Klondike Jack’s Saloon.
“You’re Miss Helen McGarrett?” The stranger asked.
“I am,” Helen nodded, “Who are you?”.
“I’m Sherlock Holmes,” the pipe smoking man in the deerstalker cap answered.
“The famous London detective?” Helen was astonished, “How did you get here? What are you doing here?”.
“What I am doing here is I’ve been hired by the McGrew family of Liverpool to investigate the death of a family member who died here in Dawson City. A fellow by the name of Dan McGrew. His nickname was Dangerous Dan McGrew. When the family received word of his death, they said he was shot in an argument with some gold miner over a woman known as Lou. I’m here to investigate the truth of his death. As for how I got here… well I happen to know a fellow named Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin a retired German army officer. He’s just invented an airship and didn’t want any Germans to die in the testing of it. So along with an English balloonist and myself, we travelled in this airship across the Atlantic and across the Arctic and then across Canada’s northern terrain until we arrived here. We’ve arrived safely. How we’ll make out in the return journey home is yet to be seen.”
“And you think I know something about the death of Dan McGrew?” Helen inquired.
“I was told you’re a friend of the woman known as Lou,” Holmes explained, “By the way, where is Lou? No one seems to know where she is.”
“She’s dead,” Helen answered, “Staked through the heart.”
“Staked through the heart?” Holmes was surprised.
“She was a vampiress,” said Helen, “And Lou turned Dan McGrew into a vampire as he lay dying from the gunshot wounds inflicted by the jealous miner husband’s gun. So McGrew died twice. First being shot by the jealous miner. And then being staked through the heart after he became a vampire.”
“Good God,” said Holmes.
“Good void,” said a miner who was trying to write a science-fiction poem about the Klondike.
“Who staked them through the heart?” Holmes re-lit his pipe.
“The same man,” Helen replied, “Barnabas Van Helsing. The younger brother of the famous Dr. Abraham Van Helsing.”
“Well,” Holmes blew smoke rings, “I suppose I better tell the McGrew family the original story about the shooting involving the jealous gold miner and the wife of the jealous gold miner- the woman known as Lou. Talk of vampires and vampiresses might send me to the looney bin.”
Holmes left the saloon and walked out into the night to his waiting Zeppelin airship for the cold journey home.
Another man approached Klondike Helen.
“You’re Klondike Helen I presume?” The man asked.
“Who wants to know?” Helen looked into his eyes.
“The name’s Van Helsing,” the man tipped his fedora hat, “Dracul Van Helsing. I was looking at my great-great-uncle Barnabas Van Helsing’s photo collection the other day and your picture in black and white was there. So I travelled back in time using this Houdini-Pantages-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern so that I can take a colour photo of you.”
“Pantages did you say?” Klondike Helen blinked, “There’s a waiter in town here called Alexander Pantages.”
“He was one of those who helped develop this time travelling magic lantern,” Van Helsing explained, “along with the magician Harry Houdini and the great Serb-American inventor Nikola Tesla. Years later a brilliant young director and actor named Orson Welles also worked on it. The finishing touches were finally completed by a brilliant actress and inventor named Hedy Lamarr who finally made it fully operational.”
Dracul Van Helsing then took a colour photo of Klondike Helen.
“Anything else?” Klondike Helen asked.
“I’d like to make out with you,” said Van Helsing.
They went up to Klondike Helen’s room and got down on the bed.
As they made out, they were unbeknownst to the fact that the ghost of Orson Welles was also in the room sitting in a chair and eating some take-out food that he had brought with him from Lydo Chinese Food and Delivery in London in the year 2022.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 21st
2022.
Maria Alexa Romanova
Grand Duchess Maria Alexa Romanova
The Grand Duchess Maria Alexa Romanova (a second cousin once removed to the late Czar of Russia Nicholas II) sat on her cushioned double headed Phoenix throne in her Paris hotel room in the year 1936.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at her feet where he had landed after coming from the future using the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern for time travel.
The ghost of Orson Welles had accompanied him.
Welles’ ghost had landed in a comfortable arm chair in the hotel room and was even now sampling a glass of champagne next to him as well as a dish of Black Sea caviar.
“Who are you?” The Grand Duchess and 12th in line to the Russian Imperial Throne asked.
“I’m Dracul Van Helsing and this is my friend the ghost of Orson Welles,” the vampire hunter replied.
“But I thought Orson Welles was still alive,” Maria stated, “A rising young star on both stage and radio.”
“I was back in the day,” Welles licked his ghostly fingers, “But I died on October 10th 1985 after giving what turned out to be my last interview on the Merv Griffin Show where I talked about the happiness of hedgehogs, my sex life and Rita Hayworth.”
“I hope only two of those things are connected in that last statement you made,” Dracul looked concerned.
“You’re from the future?” Maria Alexa looked surprised, “Why are you here?”.
“Because Franz Kohler the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau and a vampire intends to kidnap you,” Van Helsing answered.
“But why?” The Grand Duchess leaned back on her cushiony throne.
“Something to do with the Ukrainian Azov Nazi Battalions,” Van Helsing replied.
“The… what?” Maria tried to grasp what was being said.
“Nazis of our time period in the early 21st Century,” Van Helsing explained, “The brainless mainstream media of our day in the West don’t talk about them because they don’t want to admit that Vladimir Putin could be right about anything.”
“Vladimir…?” The name froze on the Grand Duchess’ tongue.
“Putin,” Welles finished the last of his Black Sea caviar, “Russia’s leader of our day.”
“Glad to see that pig Stalin didn’t find the secret to immortality,” Maria Alexa breathed a sigh of relief.
“No but Transhumanist billionaire oligarchs of our day are working on it for themselves,” Welles’ ghost got on the phone and asked Room Service to send some spectral coq au vin up to the room, “although Stalin does have a number of ardent disciples in the Western world such as a pale faced lily white boy named Justin Castro Trudeau who lives in Ottawa Canada and is jealous of the appearance of African-Americans.”
“What is the connection between this Ahnenerbe SS officer Franz Kohler and the Ukrainian Nazi Azov Battalions?” The Grand Duchess inquired.
“They’re all disciples of the Black Sun,” Van Helsing answered.
“The Black Sun?” Maria Alexa was surprised by all these terms.
“The Black Sun is really a brownish red dwarf star called Nemesis which orbits around the planet Nibiru as it travels across the galaxy,” Van Helsing noted, “First noted in little known ancient Egyptian texts and Franz Kohler became obsessed with them. Solar winds from Nemesis may have combined with solar winds from our own sun named Sol Invictus in terms of cosmology to have produced a rather spectacular display of the Aurora Borealis Northern Lights back on January 25th 1938 in fulfillment of the Virgin Mary’s prophecy at Fatima that this would be the sign the Second World War would soon start.”
“What does all this have to do with me?” Maria wanted to know.
“We’re not sure but we want to prevent Franz Kohler from kidnapping you and taking you back to the future to the city of Kiev,” Van Helsing sat beside the Grand Duchess.
“There’s only a limited time period for Kohler to kidnap you before his time travel debit card expires,” Welles finished the champagne, “Ah, I see looking at my Dick Tracy style spectral television wrist watch that our partner in time Michelangelo has just successfully used one of his Hydra blood dipped lobster antennae to jab and poison Franz Kohler in his ankle in the lobby of the hotel. This means you’re safe, Your Imperial Highness.”
“So what shall we do now?” The Grand Duchess asked.
“How about make love?” Van Helsing suggested.
The two were soon making out on the large cushioned double headed Phoenix throne just as Room Service arrived with the coq au vin.
“That would be for me,” Welles motioned to the bell boy.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 19th
2022.
Dracul and Voluptas Hedone: An Afternoon Near Byzantium
Voluptas Hedone: The daughter of Cupid and Psyche from Greek mythology
There was a lot of Byzantine intrigue going on in the city of Constantinople (today called Istanbul).
The city was not far from the conflict known as the Russia-Ukraine War (called a “special military operation” by Russian President Vladimir Putin and called “an attack on that place that gave my no-good bum son Hunter a job for doing nothing” by Joe Biden).
Joe Biden had started the day in Washington DC in front of a Business Roundtable of U.S. Corporate CEOs.
He was totally undressed except for wearing a fig leaf that covered his long dead sword and with his behind he painted the floor a very dark brown colour that Pablo Picasso would have never considered painting during his “Blue period”.
While looking like this, Biden informed the CEOs present that from now on he was to be regarded as “the leader of the New World Order”.
Such a proclamation had not been delivered since the days of the most insane ancient Roman Emperors.
Even though Biden had proclaimed himself the “leader of the New World Order” the Biden Administration told the Israeli government in Jerusalem that it should be the one “mediating the war between Russia and Ukraine and bringing it to a peaceful conclusion”.
While Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett sat contemplating whether the bagel and coffee in front of him was totally kosher, he pondered Biden’s idiotic pronouncement and his idiotic passing of the buck (or was it a shekel?) to the Israeli government to peacefully end the Russia-Ukraine War.
Meanwhile in the City of Istanbul (that city of Byzantine intrigue originally founded by the Roman Emperor Constantine) the Israeli Mossad agent codenamed the Star of Azazel was passing out blueprints of the proposed Third Temple of Jerusalem to Turkish Freemasons.
The former Israeli Mossad agent codenamed the Controller of the Golem (who resigned his commission because he couldn’t stand the Star of Azazel’s growing influence within Mossad) managed to get ahold of one of these blueprints in an Istanbul fish market.
He got the shock of his life.
The proposed Third Temple was built in the shape of a giant pyramid with a giant eyeball serving as the capstone.
Nathan (the real first name of the Controller of The Golem) sent a copy of the blue print to his friend the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
The Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit sent out Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles (who were currently staying in a chalet in Switzerland) to Istanbul to investigate.
In a forest not far from Istanbul, Dracul and Welles’ ghost waited to rendezvous with the Controller of the Golem.
Nathan was held up by police in Istanbul because he had accidentally spilled his hot chocolate over a photo of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (the would-be Sultan of a Revived Ottoman Empire) in a Turkish coffee bazaar (which was considered a capital offense in President Erdogan’s eyes).
As Nathan used his best Kievan Jewish grandfather’s skills in trying to BS his way out of a difficult situation, Dracul and Welles’ ghost waited for him to arrive.
Dracul decided to go sightseeing while Welles’ ghost sat on the grass sampling a spectral glass of ghostly red wine from a ghostly picnic basket as he also ate a ghostly leg of fried chicken.
It was at the edge of the forest that Dracul Van Helsing spotted Voluptas Hedone the daughter of the Greco-Roman deities Cupid and Psyche.
Naturally Dracul Van Helsing being Dracul Van Helsing decided to make out with her.
Voluptas Hedone was only happy to oblige.
As the breeze of the forest seemed to sing that old song Roll Me Over In The Clover, Welles’ ghost and the Controller of The Golem approached the scene.
“Wow, Dracul, you should see what the Holy of Holies in the Third Temple of Jerusalem is going to look like,” Welles’ ghost stated.
Then he saw what Van Helsing and Voluptas Hedone were doing.
“Holy of Holies!” Welles’ ghost exclaimed.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 22nd
2022.
Orson Welles’ Ghost Arranges For Russian Billionaire Oligarch To Be Bumped Off In Switzerland
The Russian oligarch billionaire felt like he was entering a scene in a late 1940s Film Noir movie.
Which in a sense he was.
Billionaire oligarch Hunterovich Pervertovsky (the son of the senile old fool Russian billionaire oligarch Josef Pervertovsky famous for going around sniffing the hair of beautiful women and for always wanting to dangle young girls on his lopsided knees as his pair of Russian made Depends dangled around his brown coloured ankles) was standing face to face with a woman who was the spitting image of actress Laurette Luez in the 1949 Film Noir movie D.O.A.
The entire scene had a black and white feel to it.
That’s because it was being directed by the ghost of the great film director Orson Welles.
His friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had arranged for the pro-Taiwan Vietnamese secret agent Ho Babylon Minh to drop a Mickey into Hunterovich Pervertovsky’s hot toddy as he ate his rotisserie chicken accompanied by Black Sea caviar in the Swiss chalet restaurant.
Unbeknownst to him a Ukrainian band with a Ukrainian ukulele player played that old Canadian restaurant TV commercial song “Life should taste as good as Swiss Chalet” from the top floor of the chalet as Ho slipped the mickey into his drink.
Hunterovich hit the floor faster than one of his many dropped laptops.
He soon found himself in this room, his head was spinning in a haze and everything looked black and white to him.
And he saw this vision:
Actress Laurette Luez smoking a cigarette
“There’s a glass of vodka in front of you, Comrade Uber-capitalist Hunterovich Pervertovsky,” Miss Luez pointed with her shapely leg.
Pervertovsky picked up the glass and drank.
His face suddenly turned very red like the flags rising above the Saint Petersburg Winter Palace on a Julian calendar October day in 1917.
“I believe it’s Polonium-210 that you use to get rid of the opponents of your friend Vlad the Exhaler’s regime isn’t it?” Miss Luez smiled, “Well there was enough Polonium-210 in that glass of vodka to kill a race horse. And personally I along with Mr. Welles, Mr. Van Helsing and Miss Ho have nothing against race horses.”
Hunterovich Pervertovsky the son of Josef Pervertovsky was D.O.A.
Meanwhile on Hunterovich Pervertovsky’s laptop (which had just landed at his feet) were the plans for Russia’s newest Kinzhal (Dagger) hypersonic missiles just used in Ukraine.
The plans were delivered to Set Enterprises in London.
And not the British government.
As the Bitish government was under the control of Klaus Schwab’s World Economic Forum and the Great Reset New World Order.
Set Enterprises was not.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 20th
2022.
The Woman At The Time Tunnel Entrance
The woman at the entrance to a 1947 built Time Tunnel
After doing some research on the topic, Prof. William Charles a professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford discovered that the U.S. government had built a time tunnel (like the famous 1960s television series Time Tunnel in which a tunnel was used to travel backwards and forwards in time) in 1947.
The time tunnel was built using a prototype plan drawn up by the famous Serbian-American scientist Nikola Tesla.
The time tunnel blew up under mysterious circumstances that same year.
Charles wondered what caused the explosion.
Meanwhile Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had used the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr magic film projector to go back in time to the town of Mesquite Nevada in 1947.
Mesquite Nevada was where the time tunnel was located.
It was to be found under an old blacksmith’s shop building that dated back to the 1880s.
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster in one of his visions had discovered that there was a radio screenplay writer from the 1940s who had found the time tunnel and used it to travel forward in time to the mid-2020s.
He then used his connection with the time tunnel to travel back in time throughout various decades to write predictive programming episodes for The Simpsons sitcom American TV cartoon show.
Since he knew the future (having come from there), he wrote about future events on The Simpsons such as Donald Trump becoming President and a truck convoy frightening Canada’s brainless Prime Minister Justin Trudeau out of his Ottawa office.
Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost supported the Canadian truckers’ efforts to end vaccine mandates being enforced by the various Neo-Bolshevik Communist and Neo-Fascist levels of government throughout Canada.
Most of Canada’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist and Neo-Fascist leaders were in favour of World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab’s plans for the Great Reset (which was just another name for a totalitarian One World government).
Klaus Schwab had a lifelong fascination with Hitler and his German National Socialist Workers’ form of government and admired it.
Even though Klaus Schwab’s own mother was Jewish.
Her name was Marianne Rothschild (yes- of those Rothschilds).
Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost were acting to prevent Justin Trudeau from declaring martial law in Canada.
And Michelangelo’s own sense was that the radio screenplay writer from the 1940s who wrote predictive programming episodes for The Simpsons TV Show was sympathetic towards Klaus Schwab’s Great Reset and Pope Francis’ proposed Human Fraternity Mystery Babylon Harlot Church.
Thus hoping to prevent the man’s future time travels, Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost were going to blow up the 1947 time tunnel.
When they entered the old Mesquite Nevada blacksmith’s shop and went down to the cellar where the time tunnel was, they discovered this woman:
The guardian of the time tunnel
Van Helsing picked up the woman while Welles’ ghost put down the ticking time bomb set to go off in another 5 minutes.
They returned to the present day.
Van Helsing then made out with the woman while Welles’ ghost made for a reluctant voyeur.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 4th
2022.
Hera Reflects On Zeus’ Many Infidelities
.
The Greek goddess Hera was in a hotel room reflecting on her husband Zeus’ many infidelities.
She had borrowed the ravens Huginn and Muninn from her friend the Norse god Odin to spy on her unfaithful spouse.
Zeus had gone to Ottawa, Ontario, Canada to see if he could pick up some of the truckers’ wives and girlfriends while the truckers were busy protesting the Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and his vaccine mandates.
Huginn and Munnin flew to Hera on her Ottawa hotel balcony with the bad news.
Hera sat on her bed totally shattered.
Just then Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered Hera’s hotel bedroom because he had been given the wrong hotel key card by the hotel clerk.
Van Helsing was in Ottawa to slay a bunch of Soviet Stalinist vampires.
A Canadian federal government financed expedition to Siberia located a mine where Stalin had put a bunch of Soviet Stalinist vampires on ice for the day when they were truly needed.
Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau figured they were needed now so he had ordered the financing of the expedition.
The bodies were being dethawed in the basement of the National Archives Building in Ottawa.
Van Helsing and other members of the International Federation of Vampire Hunters went in and staked the 300 Soviet Stalinist vampires through the heart.
Outside the building a convoy truck played the Bonnie Tyler hit song Total Eclipse of The Heart.
Van Helsing seeing Hera depressed offered to make love to her.
Hera accepted.
And so he did.
. . .
Out in the streets of Ottawa Zeus was trying to pick up the girlfriend of a truck driver from Texas named Pecos Bill (the truck driver was named Pecos Bill not the girlfriend. These were not Joe Biden gender pronoun challenged cabinet appointees).
It just so happened outside Pecos Bill’s truck that the Norse thunder god Thor and the Norse trickster god Loki were playing a game of cards.
Thor was busy counting how many aces he had up his sleeve.
While Thor was preoccupied, Pecos Bill picked up Thor’s hammer Mjolnir and went and hit Zeus over the head with it.
The Olympian sky god was knocked out cold.
. . .
Amadeus Emanon was talking to Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds about vaccine mandates across the world.
“There’s one thing that the strongest proponents of vaccine mandates across the world have in common,” Father Bury Saint Edmunds pointed out.
“What’s that?” Amadeus asked.
“They’re all apostate Roman Catholics,” Father Bury Saint Edmunds noted, “All strongly pro-Moloch child sacrifice and strongly pro-Sodom and Gomorrah in the mold of the apostate Pope Francis. America’s Joe Biden, Canada’s Justin Trudeau, France’s Emmanuel Macron, Austria’s Karl Nehammer and Italy’s Mario Draghi. All full of the spirit of Pope Francis’ “god of surprises” and all puppets of World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab and George Soros.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 29th
2022.
With Svetlana Kireeva In Moscow
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing flew from Britain to Moscow in a World War I Sopwith Camel to meet the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva.
The Sopwith Camel was almost shot down by Dr. Anthony Fauci’s drones because they thought a beagle might be flying it.
The drones were shot down by Van Helsing instead.
Inside a highrise luxury apartment in Moscow Russia, Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB was waiting for Van Helsing.
Van Helsing was serving as an envoy for British MP Renfield R. Renfeld and Svetlana Kireeva was serving as an envoy for Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Renfield and Putin were involved in negotiations preparing for a Russian invasion of the European Union to liberate the bloc from the totalitarian ideology of Vaccinazism.
On the other side of the diplomatic table, Pope Francis, acting on advice from Word of Faith Prosperity Gospel teacher Kenneth Copeland, was trying to encourage Russia to invade Israel.
According to Copeland’s reading of Ezekiel Chapters 38 and 39, Russia would lead a confederacy of nations to attack Israel in the latter days.
According to Copeland, Russia would be destroyed by YHWH or Jehovah the Lord God of Israel for attacking Israel.
Following his personal homosexual Communist Jesuit reasoning, Francis figured that with Russia destroyed, no future Pope could bring about that era of peace known as the Triumph of the Immaculate Heart of Mary since Russia would no longer exist as a nation to be consecrated to the Immaculate Heart of Mary to bring about that triumph of the Immaculate Heart.
So which route would Putin take?
Renfield’s idea that Russia should invade the European Union to liberate the bloc from Vaccinazism?
Or Francis’ idea that Russia should invade Israel so it can end up being destroyed according to Kenneth Copeland’s Biblical exegesis of Ezekiel Chapters 38 and 39 and thus making a liar out of Our Lady of Fatima the Blessed Virgin Mary?
Dracul and Svetlana would be negotiating the Renfieldian Plan.
In the night sky behind Svetlana, two meteorites lit up Moscow’s night sky.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 9th
2022.
Hour of The Rough Beast
“And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?”.
-William Butler Yeats in his poem The Second Coming
written 1919
California Gov. Gavin Newsom in addition to showing signs of Bell’s Palsy was also showing signs of demonic possession.
A video of two traditional Dominican priests trying to exorcize Gov. Newsom was filmed by the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was watching the video.
In the drawing room behind Gov. Newsom’s bedroom could be heard sounds of Rep. Nancy Pelosi engaging in a bisexual menage a trois with Pachamama the Inca Earth Mother Goddess (a fiery red dragon from the Underworld who shapeshifted into a woman and then back again) and Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of darkness and sorcery.
In the video Gov. Newsom could be seen levitating 6 feet above his bed and vomiting out carbon emitting petrol.
Newsom swore and cursed at the two exorcists in the languages of ancient Inca, Aztec, Sumerian and Babylonian.
“It looks and sounds like Gov. Newsom is possessed by Bergoglio’s god of surprises,” Renfield remarked.
. . .
Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla was having a cocktail party with the demons Baal, Baphomet and Moloch.
“People who publish disinformation about my experimental Covid mMRNA injections are criminals,” Bourla complained as he fed a human embryo/mouse hybrid to a giant Moroccan desert sandfly who was tired of feeding on beagles’ faces.
“I agree,” Baal nodded.
“Criminals like that Nazarene whom we arranged to be crucified on Golgotha,” Moloch went on.
The door bell rang.
It was Asclepius the Greek god of medicine and the ghost of Dr. Johann Georg Faust showing up to the party.
. . .
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and his leprechaun buddy Barney From Killarney were at an archery training camp for leprechauns and gnomes in Switzerland being run by Chiron the Centaur.
The camp soon found itself under attack by a group of demonically possessed ibex-human hybrids (the alpine ibex is a species of wild goat that is found in the European alps).
The tiny but courageous band of gnomes and leprechauns fought off the demonically possessed ibex-human hybrids.
“Shit,” said World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab when he heard news of the demon ibex-humans’ retreat.
. . .
The Norse wolf Fenrir (destined to kill Odin at the Battle of Ragnarok) had found itself muzzled in the courtyard of the hotel in Switzerland.
Switzerland today was the site of protests organized by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (the son of assassinated 1968 U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy) against Switzerland’s proposed draconian lockdown and vaccine mandate law which was copying the example of its neighbour to the south Italy which was currently being run by a clique of Fascists/Stalinists personally approved by the satanic antipope Jorge Mario Bergoglio.
The Norse goddess Freya happened to be visiting Switzerland on this day and was surprised to to see Fenrir muzzled in the courtyard.
Norse goddess Freya: Surprised to see Fenrir muzzled in the courtyard of the hotel.
Freya’s hotel room door opened and in walked vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“Did you muzzle Fenrir?” Freya asked.
“Yes,” Van Helsing answered.
“How?” Freya inquired.
“I fed him some of my maternal grandmother’s recipe for Scottish haggis and he succumbed to unconsciousness,” Van Helsing replied.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 12th
2021.
Ichabod and Ickabob
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was flying over Australia in the Set Enterprises’ dirigible airship The Wild Colonial Boy.
This airship like all of Set’s airship fleet was very eco-friendly and environmentally friendly and was powered by a cannabis engine.
The Wild Colonial Boy however ran on a very special high octane form of cannabis.
This cannabis had been developed by Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie back at the Hotel California in the Summer of ’69.
A large amount of this cannabis managed to eventually find its way into a Vancouver apartment that was rented out in 1978 by Canadian singer Bryan Adams.
Which was a good thing.
Because the recipe for this type of cannabis was immediately forgotten by Uncle Ernie right after he made it.
The same was the case for every other type of drug made by Uncle Ernie.
As those who suscribe to Uncle Ernie’s Drug of The Day Uberhigh Club by mail say, “You never get the same type of drug from Uncle Ernie twice.”
Seeds from Uncle Ernie’s Summer of ’69 Hotel California cannabis eventually found their way to auction at Sotheby’s in London in the summer of 2021.
Where they were purchased by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set beating out both George Soros and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad Bin Salman in bidding.
And now Renfield was flying around the world from London England to Sydney Australia in just 10 minutes using the super power octane like cannabis engine that ran on Uncle Ernie’s Summer of ’69 Hotel California cannabis.
Uncle Ernie had beat NASA, Jeff Bezos, Sir Richard Branson and Elon Musk all to Hell.
By powering a 1930s style very old fashioned dirigible.
And not even knowing it.
As he stood on an empty Sydney stage in a near empty Sydney theatre singing the title role of his drag queen Cumelita as he was unintentionally setting his girdle on fire.
The only person in the Sydney theatre was Daniel Andrews the Neo-Stalinist and Neo-Maoist tyrant Premier of Victoria state a neighbouring state of the state of New South Wales (New South Wales’ capital was Sydney).
Andrews being a globalist elitist and not a mere simple pleb was not subject to his own draconian lockdown rules (or anyone else’s for that matter).
He sat in the theatre not wearing a mask or pants or even a condom as he sat pleasuring himself like American children’s show TV host Pee-wee Herman in a porno theatre.
The seat would of course have to be steam cleaned afterwards.
. . .
Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was showing his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set blown up and magnified images of what was on microscopic slides showing samples from both the Moderna and Pfizer “vaccines” (really mRNA genetic serums) for the Wuhan CCP virus (called Covid-19 by the pro-Communist WHO World Health Organization).
The nanobots and nano-organisms in the “vaccine” were magnified an infinite number of times.
An octopus like micro-organism moved itself off the slide in one sample.
And another octopus like micro-organism moved itself off the slide in another sample.
“The Set Enterprises’ Intelligence Unit is investigating the possibility that Bill Gates’ paid help managed to extract DNA from Cthulhu,” Dr. Rocher explained.
“And it’s through this,” Set asked, “that my brother and brother-in-law Osiris (so beloved by Freemasons everywhere) intends to rule the world?”.
Dr. Rocher nodded.
“And do you have a name for this octopus like micro-organism?” Set inquired.
“I call it Ickabob,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher answered.
. . .
The ghost of Orson Welles was reading a huge leather bound volume on Vampires and Ghosts that he had borrowed from the personal library of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
“Did you know that Katrina Van Tassel became a vampiress?” Welles asked Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“She did?” Dracul was shocked, “Katrina Van Tassel who was fought over by two men the mortal schoolteacher Ichabod Crane and the ghostly Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow?”.
“That’s right,” Welles nodded as he sipped a ghostly glass of spectral red wine.
“I don’t drink… wine,” the voice of Bela Lugosi could be heard coming from the nearby television set which was showing the 1931 film Dracula.
“How did she become a vampiress?” Van Helsing asked.
“Dracula was visiting upstate New York at the time and gave her a hickey,” Welles answered.
When Van Helsing went back to his London apartment, he found vampiress Katrina Van Tassel inside.
Katrina Van Tassel
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 10th
2021.
Red October
“Where do you want the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern to take you?” The ghost of Orson Welles asked his companion.
“I’ll let you decide,” his companion answered.
“All right,” Welles’ ghost sipped a spectral glass of spectral red wine and spun the globe of the world in the Set Estate Library.
Welles put his finger down.
“Ah,” said Welles, “That’s a nice place. Very nice place.”
Welles reached into the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s glass jar coin collection (of coins dating back to the 1500s from various nations in the world) and pulled out a coin.
“Ah, a very recent time but that might be okay,” Welles stated.
He pushed the button on the Houdini-Pantages-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern Film Projector.
This magic lantern could be used for time travel.
As Welles’ ghost and his companion flew through the space and time continuum, Welles remarked, “Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster is referring to this month we just left as Red October 3.0. Do you know what he means by that?”.
“Well,” his companion answered, “The first Red October was October 1917 when Russia went Bolshevik Communist. And the second Red October… or Red October 2.0 is October 1949 when mainland China went Communist and became the People’s Republic of China. Red October 3.0 is October 2021.”
“So who will go Communist this time?” Welles lit himself a cigar.
“The United States of America,” his companion answered, “according to Michelangelo.”
“So here we are,” Welles announced, “Hawaii, October 2009.”
“Sometime between October 15th and October 25th 2009,” his companion read the sign.
“Do you have any idea who that very beautiful young woman is?” Welles inquired.
“That’s Q’orianka Kilcher,” his companion answered, “She played the last Crown Princess of Hawaii, Princess Ka’iulani, in the movie Princess Ka’iulani that came out that year of 2009.”
“I see,” Welles sipped his wine.
“October 15th to 25th, 2009,” his companion reflected, “My dad would have still been alive then.”
“Your dad?” Welles blinked.
“He collapsed to the floor while shaving in the bathroom on May 18th 2010 and had to be rushed to the hospital by ambulance,” his companion recalled, “he died less than a month later on June 16th 2010.”
“I see,” Welles finished his wine and looked around for another glass.
“One of the many strange things he said to me before he died was, Chris, fight Red October,” his companion said.
“Did he explain what he meant?” Welles asked.
“No, he never did,” his companion looked again at the sign.
“In the meantime, let’s go see a movie,” his companion suggested, “At least in this month and this year, we don’t need a vaccine passport to get in.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 1st
2021.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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