Boris Johnson, Benjamin Netanyahu and The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec
Boris Johnson, Benjamin Netanyahu and The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson had to return to the Westminster House of Commons today after Britain’s Supreme Court ruled yesterday that his proroguing Parliament for 5 weeks was illegal.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield the United Kingdom’s Deputy Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering (and therefore a member of Johnson’s cabinet) was giving his friend Amadeus Emanon a run down of today’s parliamentary brawls and name calling.
“The Opposition needless to say,” but Renfield said it anyway, “acted like so much braying asses. It seemed that Labour MPs, Liberal Democratic MPs and Scottish Nationalist Party MPs were having a contest to see who could do the best facial impersonation of Swedish teen climate activist Grumpy Greta Thunberg. Simon Cowell would have had a hard time trying to judge a winner. Labour MPs were trying to outdo U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden in showing signs of advanced senility. The Scottish Nationalist Party showed why Scottish independence was so overwhelmingly rejected in the 2014 referendum as the Scots no doubt didn’t want this gang of bozos to be the leaders of their independent nation. The British Liberal Democrats looked like walking advertisements for the Before pictures in posters for an Enema Relief Medical Clinic. It made one wish this was the Taiwanese Parliament where one could use one’s fists and knock the living daylights out of one’s opponents.”
. . .
Meanwhile in Israel, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was having a telephone conversation with his most ardent supporter in the deep state of the Mossad intelligence service the operative known as Star of Azazel.
“Now that the country’s President Reuvin Rivlin has asked me to stay on as Prime Minister and given me first shot at trying to form a coalition government in the state,” Netanyahu drank a glass of wine in celebration, “I hope you will proceed to do everything possible in ensuring that certain external circumstances outside the country will emerge in such a way as to get other parties to support me when Israel is faced with such a dire external threat.”
Star of Azazel put aside the book of Kabbalistic black magic wizardry and sorcery he had been reading when Netanyahu called and looked at his guests Ares the Greek god of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war who were in his living room.
“We’re working on that, Mr. Prime Minister,” Star of Azazel said before ending the phone call.
Azazel looked at Morrigan who was the most intelligent of the three deities present in the room.
“I’m sure more drones can be sent flying into Saudi Aramco oil refineries,” Morrigan smiled as she smoothed her dress, “and plenty of our agents in Foreign Affairs Ministries and Departments throughout the world can point fingers at Iran.”
Star of Azazel smiled and drank a toast, “Mazel Tov.”
. . .
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec did an Irish jig when she completed dressing prior to going down to the UN General Assembly to give a speech on Climate Change.
“Global warming will definitely hit the UN tonight,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing said when he saw what she was wearing.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 25th
2019.
Britain’s Supreme Court Rules Suspending Parliament Was Unlawful
Britain’s Supreme Court Rules Suspending Parliament Was Unlawful
“Back in the 1970s,” British MP
Renfield R. Renfield told the BBC News Interviewer, “Mr. Justice William Morrow the first Chief Justice of Canada’s Northwest Territories said the end of Western Civilization would be brought about not by student protestors or the actions of foreign powers but by imbeciles sitting as judges on the benches of court rooms everywhere.
History has shown Chief Justice Morrow to be a 100% prophet. What alarmed Chief Justice Morrow was what he considered the vast number of imbeciles who were teaching as professors in various law faculties at universities all across Canada back in the 1970s. He said their erroneous ideas which would overthrow 1500 years of legal traditions and precedents in the Western world would be passed on to their students who would become lawyers and eventually become judges. This has now become the norm in Canada. A judge somewhere making a stupid decision is no longer news. It’s a judge who makes a sensible decision that’s now considered news. So of course there aren’t many real news stories emerging from the Canadian judiciary these days. But what was happening in Canada at the time was also happening in the U.S. and the United Kingdom. So the Age of Imbecility now reigns supreme in the judiciary of all 3 of these nations. Any appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court that does not meet with the approval of Wiccan airhead Alyssa Milano and her fellow Wiccan airheads across America is immediately accused of sexual harassment. And as for stupidity in the UK Judicial system, that can be seen by today’s ruling by Britain’s Supreme Court. On the plus side at least judges are showing what they truly are. The fact that Britain’s Supreme Court President Lady Hale chose to read the court’s judgement while wearing a giant diamond spider brooch on her lapel was at least honest. Poison is now falling across the land.”
. . .
After a day speaking and meeting with people at the UN General Assembly, Donald Trump decided to relax by spending time in an NYC karaoke bar.
Standing on stage was some long haired and bearded type who looked like he could easily fit into the band ZZ Top.
The man began singing an old John Denver song,
“High Calypso the places you’ve been to,
The things that you’ve shown us,
The stories you tell,
High Calypso, I sing to your spirit,
The men who have served you so long and so well…”
Donald Trump asked his secret service detail, “Who is this guy? He smells of marijuana smoke.”
“I believe he’s a sheriff from some place up in Canada called Calypso’s Bosom,” one of Trump’s secret service bodyguards answered.
“And is this the Calypso he’s singing about?” Trump’s tongue started hanging out and drooling, “Some woman’s bosom? I’d like to go to the places she’s been to as well. And also see the things that she’s shown the men who have served her so long and so well.”
“I believe the Calypso was the research ship for French undersea explorer Jacques Cousteau,” replied another member of Trump’s secret service detail who looked a lot like Detective Dietrich from the TV show Barney Miller.
“Oh,” Trump looked disappointed.
The sheriff of Calypso’s Bosom was carried off stage while ranting about free speech, Charles Laughton and the many breasts to be found on the statue of Diana of the Ephesians.
“What’s he doing down here in the U.S. anyways?” Trump asked his secret service bodyguard who looked a lot like KAOS agent Siegfried from the TV show Get Smart.
“I believe Justin Trudeau sent him down here on an important matter of Canadian national security,” the Siegfriedish bodyguard answered.
“Did anybody here get the licence plate of that ET gray’s space ship?” The Sheriff of Calypso’s Bosom asked as he was carried off on a stretcher.
“That makes perfect sense,” Trump nodded.
. . .
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was walking through New York City’s Central Park when he came across the Chinese vampiress secret agent Mei-ling Manchu who had been tied to a tree by Cthulhu the Great Old One who was currently in New York City contemplating a run for the U.S. Presidency.
“I hope I’m not interrupting the filming of some new type of reality TV show scheduled for the family viewing time slot,” Dracul remarked as he untied her.
“Are you the vampire hunter who’s into tantric sex?” Mei-ling asked after she was untied.
“I am,” Dracul answered.
“Take me now,” Mei-ling said as she threw Dracul back on a pile of autumn leaves and mounted him.
Rudy Giuliani dropped the legal brief he was reading when he walked by and saw what was happening.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 24th
2019.
Artemis In New York City
Artemis In New York City
The Greek goddess Artemis was renting a rustic looking room in a quaint old apartment building in New York City for the opening week of the U.N. General-Assembly as leaders from all over the world came to the Big Apple and the UN to throw the bull.
The Greek goddess Artemis looked out the window as a haggard looking descendant of the original Minotaur was walking the streets of New York City towards the UN building where he would be thrown around the podium by world leaders.
“Poor bull,” Artemis said to herself.
On the TV in Artemis’ room was the image of Donald Trump appearing on the screen telling the media that he had never said or done anything underhanded in his telephone conversations with Ukraine’s President.
“And there’s the biggest offender of them all,” Artemis said aloud.
The Greek goddess of the hunt was in New York City to try to prevent her brother Ares from using the General Assembly proceedings as a staging ground to get world powers to wage war against Iran.
In this matter of wanting to start a widespread global war, Ares had for his allies Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.
Morrigan had already managed to convince German Chancellor Angela Merkel, French President Emmanuel Macron and British Prime Minister Boris Johnson that Iran was responsible for the recent drone attacks on Saudi Arabia’s biggest oil facility.
Renfield R. Renfield who was Britain’s Deputy Foreign Secretary in Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering had tried to argue in a video teleconferencing call with the 3 leaders that the matter must be looked at with sober second thought.
However Morrigan managed to spike Renfield’s lemonade (that he was drinking during the video teleconferencing call) with a lethal brand of Shannon River moonshine that was slipped into Renfield’s lemonade by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.
Therefore a most definitely not sober Renfield was unable to convince the 3 leaders to look at the whole Aramco oil refinery attack with sober second thought.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the apartment.
The vampire hunter was Artemis’ ally in trying to upset the plans of Ares this week.
Artemis and Dracul decided to test out the springs of the mattress on the bed in the apartment.
Zeus had lightning bolts come out of his head when he looked through the window and saw what his daughter was up to with the extremely James Bondish 007 vampire hunter.
. . .
Village of Calypso’s Bosom Sheriff Stonewalled Jackman who was on a top secret mission for Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (although he had currently forgotten what that mission was) was walking through the UN building carrying several packages of Australian Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day.
He was stopped and invited to speak at a Conference On Climate Change by a UN official who thought the long-haired hippy looking Sheriff was one of the guest speakers.
Thinking they were candies, the UN official passed out the packages of chemicals to youthful Climate Change activists at the session.
Later on CNN that night, a CNN interviewer was interviewing Swedish teen climate change activist Greta Thunberg via livestream between New York and the newsroom in Atlanta when 3 minutes into the interview, the CNN newsroom director signalled that the livestream be brought to a screeching halt.
“Due to technical difficulties beyond our control, we are unable to continue with the rest of the interview,” the CNN anchorwoman informed the TV audience.
. . .
Meanwhile the South Pacific supernatural entity Cthulhu the Great Old One was meeting with Mammon the ancient Babylonian demon god of banking and commerce in the latter’s Manhattan penthouse apartment suite.
Mammon showed Cthulhu the posters he had printed up that Cthulhu had requested.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 23rd
2019.
Qonzilqointec, The Federal Reserve and Ho Babylon Minh
Qonzilqointec, The Federal Reserve and Ho Babylon Minh
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec took a selfie of herself prior to going out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to meet British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the Irish border leprechaun Yaldabaoth, the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist MEP the Kraken Napoloeon VI and his ex-Gorgon wife Medusa to find a possible solution to the Brexit crisis involving the Irish backstop.
Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl had offered to intervene as a mediator in the dispute between Britain and the EU.
Britain’s NHS (National Health Service) had informed Mr. Johnson however that the NHS was not able to give Mr. Quetzalcoatl the amount of living human hearts he required as payment for his mediation services.
Meanwhile the American news media was full of the story that Donald Trump had asked the government of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden’s son Hunter for corruption.
As the American news media were busy wringing their hands over this, Amadeus Emanon the musician and singer who was employed as personal concert pianist to the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was more concerned about a small news story that had appeared in the Wall Street Journal today – a story that was taken down off its news website a few hours later although it could still be found if one used a search engine to search for it but unless people knew that the story was out there, they most likely would not search for it.
The story was the Federal Reserve Bank of New York was offering to add at least $75 billion daily to the financial system until October 10th to ensure the liquidity of the financial system.
The Wall Street Journal added that the Fed will conduct further operations as needed after October 10th.
Amadeus could have asked his employer Set about the matter but the Egyptian god of night and the desert was currently on a vision quest and attending a Cree First Nation sweat lodge ceremony at Elk Island National Park in the Canadian province of Alberta.
So Amadeus went to ask his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering instead.
“Wasn’t the Fed doing something similar to this before the global financial crisis of 2008?” Amadeus asked.
“It was,” Renfield admitted.
“God,” Amadeus turned pale, “I wish you had broken it to me gently in answering this question.”
“Well I’m sorry,” said Renfield, “but I haven’t been in politics as long as Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau have in order to come up with real whoppers to shield people from unpleasant truth and reality.”
Mammon, the ancient Babylonian god of banking and commerce and patron demon of wealthy elitist oligarchs, isn’t too concerned about the impact that another global financial crisis might have on average folks and those who are struggling below the poverty level
Meanwhile in Australia, a notorious Australian misfit known to all as Uncle Ernie had (because he was stoned out of his mind) walked into the ladies’ washroom of a prestigious restaurant in Sydney’s Chinatown where he encountered the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh who was currently working for the Chinese Communist government in Beijing:
“Jesus!” exclaimed Uncle Ernie, “I need to get my hands on some Viagra quick!”.
He then passed out.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday September 20th
2019.
Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken
Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken
The Norse goddess Freya was on the phone talking to Dracul Van Helsing
“Did you see that empty podium next to the Prime Minister of Luxembourg Xavier Bettel at what was supposed to be the press conference between him and Boris Johnson discussing Brexit?”
“And Dracul, you say the reason Johnson avoided the press conference was because the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist MEP The Kraken Napoleon VI had a two for the price of one Buffet coupon that was about to expire in another hour and the Kraken had invited Johnson for lunch?”
“Sure, do come over to my place, Dracul.”
“I’m always up for tantric sex, anytime, anywhere.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 16th
2019.
Renfield Discusses Bozos Heading Amnesty Canada International, The Coming Middle East War and Drones Hitting Saudi Refinery
Renfield Discusses Bozos Heading Amnesty International Canada, The Coming Middle East War and Drones Hitting Saudi Refinery
“I am NOT an impotent bed wetter with a small penis.”
-Alex Neve, Secretary-General of Amnesty International Canada snivelling in response to the latest political volley shot at him by Alberta Premier Jason Kenney
When asked by the news media to drop his trousers and his drawers in order to provide substantial empirical proof to back up his denial, Mr. Neve declined to do so.
Meanwhile over in London England, British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn stood up and left a pub when he saw the Egyptian god Anubis enter.
Meanwhile in another corner of the pub, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were discussing the world geopolitical situation.
“So, what’s this war of words going on in Canada between Alex Neve the Secretary-General of Amnesty International Canada and Alberta Premier Jason Kenny?” Amadeus asked as he ordered the Alberta Angus steak sandwich medium rare.
“Well Alex Neve being your typical Marxist-Leninist inclined climate change obsessed radical environmentalist nut case thinks that building pipelines and putting people in Alberta’s oil and gas industry back to work is a gross violation of human rights,” Renfield replied.
“That’s kind of a different claim to make,” Amadeus sipped his tea.
“It’s not how Lenin, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the current House of Saud’s idea of violating human rights would work but then Canada is a country that recently legalized marijuana,” Renfield pointed out.
“What can I get you for dinner, sir?” The waitress asked Renfield.
“The two piece cod Fish and Chips, please,” Renfield handed her back the menu.
“So, what do you think of the possibility of a major regional war breaking out in the Middle East sometime in the foreseeable future?” Amadeus asked.
“Well, it’s always possible that a major Middle East regional war won’t break out this year although even that possibility is becoming more and more unlikely,” Renfield said, “however in the longer term, saying that a Middle East regional war will NOT break out in the next few years makes about as much sense as saying that someday a member of America’s contemporary so-called progressive/liberal left will actually come to understand what Marxist-Leninism and Fascism actually are in their historical antecedents rather than in the pseudointellectual dream world that most American progressives and liberals seem to exist in.”
“Wow, then that definitely does not look good for world peace,” Amadeus admitted.
“And it may not look good for world peace in the very very immediate future if Benjamin Netanyahu’s Likud Party continues to do poorly in the polls in the next few days leading up to the Israeli general Election,” said Renfield, “Netanyahu is the sort of political personality that would prefer World War III breaking out rather than the absolutely horrific (in his opinion) possibility that he might cease being Prime Minister of Israel. Even saying he’d annex the Jordan Valley and the northern Dead Sea area didn’t give Netanyahu the boost in the polls that he desires. So obviously he may have to resort to the last resort of starting a war with Iran in order to save his political skin.”
“I see someone launched a drone attack on the oil refinery at the Abqaiq facility and the Khurais oil field run by Saudi Aramco in Saudi Arabia early this morning,” Amadeus noted, “The closure will impact 5 million barrels of crude oil processing per day which is half of Saudi crude oil production and 5 percent of the world’s daily oil production. We may soon see $100 per barrel oil.”
“That’s right,” Renfield nodded, “The Houthi rebels of Yemen are claiming responsibility for the drone attacks while others are saying that it’s Iran itself behind the attacks. U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo who seems to have replaced John Bolton as the war hawk in the Trump Administration is now making the claim that it’s Iran itself which is behind the attacks.”
Meanwhile in that other corner of the pub, Anubis the Egyptian jackal headed god was reading a copy of the Last Will and Testament of Czar Nicholas II of Russia that was given to him by Virgil the longest serving librarian at the Bodleian Library at Oxford.
Meanwhile the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis had shape shifted into human form and had traveled back in time and was now a Russian countess at her palatial manor in Saint Petersburg on the eve of the Bolshevik Revolution.
She stood at the window of the manor alongside her dog.
The Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing (who had likewise traveled back in time) approached her.
“Do you know where Apophis is?” Van Helsing asked Atargatis.
“On the battleship Aurora,” the goddess answered.
“That’s what I thought,” said Van Helsing.
Apophis was the Great Serpent in ancient Egyptian religion and the ancient Egyptian god of chaos and destruction.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 14th
2019.
Self-Proclaimed Meteorologist and Hurricane Expert Donald Trump Wants To Be Cool
Self-Proclaimed Meteorologist and Hurricane Expert Donald Trump Wants To Be Cool
Ares the Greek god of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war were sitting in a bar drowning their sorrows.
They had spent the past few years working together to start a major global conflict to help alleviate their boredom.
Now one of their best hopes for starting a global conflict- John Bolton- had resigned as National Security Advisor to Donald Trump.
Trump claimed he had asked Bolton to resign.
And Bolton said no- that he had offered his resignation first before Trump asked him to resign.
But the three deities didn’t care which came first- the chicken or the egg.
All they cared about was the fact Bolton had resigned.
A man who wanted war with North Korea, Venezuela and Iran.
But now he was gone.
As the three broke into the song of Roll Out The Barrel (set to the tune of a Soviet leader has just come down with a common cold and therefore will be dead in another 24 hours Radio Moscow Cold War era funeral dirge), the Norse trickster god Loki walked by wearing a t-shirt that said AYATOLLAHS FOR MARGARET ATWOOD.
“Hey,” Loki pointed out, “instead of blubbering away over Bolton’s resignation, you should be working overtime to ensure Bibi Netanyahu is elected Prime Minister of Israel next week. He’s your next best hope for starting a major conflict.”
The three rushed to the airport to book a flight to Israel.
“Well, I did advise Bibi last night that he should annex the Jordan Valley and the northern Dead Sea,” Morrigan remarked to the other two deities as she got into the taxi to the airport and suddenly noticed that she had a run in her pantyhose.
Meanwhile Donald Trump was dreaming about being a weatherman.
Trump tweeted, “It will be a beautiful sunny day today. Absolutely no chance of precipitation whatsoever.”
As the U.S. Coast Guard came into sight of a boat carrying a group of U.S. National Weather Service meteorologists who were sailing to safety in the area which had just been hit by the worst flooding and precipitation in over a century – the same area where Trump had tweeted calling for a totally sunny day, the Coast Guard fired a warning shot across the bow of the boat carrying the meteorologists to safety.
“This is your final warning,” a Coast Guard spokesman called out through a bull horn, “do not tweet out…. Repeat… Do not tweet out… tweets that contradict the most recent tweets of America’s Twitterer-In-Chief… This is your final warning…”
Trump then dreamed of meeting a genie who would grant him 3 wishes.
Trump’s first wish was, “I wish I was actually and truly cool like British MP Renfield R. Renfield is.”
Trump then dreamed he saw a news clip of himself addressing the news media and singing a paraphrased version of an old Harry Belafonte song,
“Hey Mr. Taliban, kissy my banana,
you blow up people and you want to do more….”
“Wow, I am cool like Renfield,” Trump smiled, “I’d be totally incapable of coming up with a song like that on my own.”
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (who had just entered Trump’s dream) held up a sign that read I CANNOT DISAGREE.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 10th
2019.
Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war before hearing the news that John Bolton had resigned
Renfield’s Night of Chopin
Renfield’s Night of Chopin
“Well, you’re looking positively dapper,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to his friend the British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
“Thanks,” said Renfield who was wearing a tux and tie, “I’m going to An Evening of Chopin put on by the Saint James Court Symphony Orchestra.”
“I seem to recall you went to a similar concert back in September 2012,” Amadeus remarked who had a memory for such things.
“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “That was the night I met the Polish Countess Elena Dubrovna.”
“Wasn’t she the vampiress who bumped off Lenin back in 1924?” Amadeus inquired.
“She was,” Renfield started whistling the old Russian Czarist National Anthem.
“And didn’t she also flee Poland the night Nazi Germany invaded the country?” Amadeus was trying to remember, “She flew here to London where she was instrumental in helping set up the Polish Government In Exile in London?”.
“She did that as well,” Renfield remembered after several attempts that he didn’t really have to tie a bow tie, “I’m looking forward to seeing her again.”
“I imagine you are,” Amadeus opened the door of the house where the pizza he had ordered was now being delivered.
“I’m planning to ask her for a favour,” Renfield started polishing his teeth with a rock polisher.
“What would that be?” Amadeus opened up the box of the 72-inch pizza he had ordered.
“I’m going to ask her to ask her friends in the Polish government to veto any extension to Brexit past the October 31st Halloween deadline,” Renfield grinned, “any vote to extend the deadline must require the approval of all EU members. She also has several vampiress friends who live in Hungary and the Czech Republic. I’ll get her to ask her vampiress friends in Hungary and the Czech Republic to get those governments to veto the Brexit extension as well. Because 3 vetoes are even better than one. The Neo-Stalinist bureaucrats in Brussels and Jeremy Corbyn will really be shitting themselves once that happens.”
“Does Boris Johnson approve?” Amadeus asked.
“I haven’t told him yet,” Renfield started to put his plaid socks on.
“There’s some talk Johnson might resign as Prime Minister and ask the Queen to ask Corbyn to form a caretaker government sticking him with the whole Halloween Brexit deadline mess,” Amadeus noted.
“That could happen as well,” Renfield nodded, “This past Thursday Benjamin Netanyahu visited London to ask Boris to join him and the U.S. into waging war on Iran.”
“Really?” Amadeus was shocked, “I imagine Jeremy Corbyn if he was Prime Minister would give Netanyahu a definite no on that.”
“Undoubtedly,” Renfield brushed his hair and started slapping on men’s aftershave cologne.
“I saw Dracul Van Helsing in a pub earlier today,” Amadeus said, “He was having trouble deciding who to cheer for in the U.S. Open Women’s Tennis Final. Serena Williams is both his favourite tennis player and also his favourite athlete. So normally he’d cheer for her but then her opponent Bianca Andreescu is Canadian so his patriotic response would have been to cheer for her. So he sat there watching the tennis match not sure who to cheer for.”
“I’m sure another night of tantric sex with the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom Sophia and Dracul will be happy again,” Renfield put on his Donald Duck feet slippers and headed out the door to the concert.
“I’m sure the London paparazzi will enjoy taking photos of what Renfield is wearing,” Amadeus remarked as he watched his friend go out the door.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 7th
2019.
Passing the torch: Serena Williams and Bianca Andreescu at the U.S. Open Women’s Tennis Final.
Dracul Van Helsing wasn’t sure who to cheer for.
Dracul Van Helsing, The Goddess Sophia, Yaldabaoth and The Irish Backstop
Dracul Van Helsing, The Goddess Sophia, Yaldabaoth and The Irish Backstop
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom was worried.
What would happen to her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun if a hard border was once again built on the Republic of Ireland-UK Northern Ireland border?
Her son Yaldabaoth was a leprechaun with a serious drinking problem.
He was the only being in all recorded history to be officially banned by court injunction from attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings as any meeting he attended invariably ended up with all those present at the meetings falling off the wagon.
Yaldabaoth had the irritating habit of always falling asleep right on the line of the Republic of Ireland/UK Northern Ireland border.
This was fine as long as the border was an open (rather than a closed) border as it had been ever since the Good Friday Agreement was signed back in 1998.
But Good Friday 1998 might come to an end at Halloween 2019 if there was a no-deal Brexit.
Of course the House of Commons and the House of Lords had just passed a bill brought forth by the anti-Semitic Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn to stop a no-deal Brexit from happening this coming Halloween (ironically in this regard Corbyn was fulfilling the agenda of the pro-globalist, pro-EU and New World Order One World Government oriented Rothschilds).
However the trouble was British MP Renfield R. Renfield was backing Boris Johnson in his quest to have Brexit by Halloween 2019.
And Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom being wise knew that one should never underestimate Renfield R. Renfield even though the pro-EU segments of the British Parliament and much of the British and American news media were doing just that.
Boris Johnson may have run out of tricks up his sleeve but Renfield hadn’t.
Already Sophia could visualize a Brexit firecracker exploding in Jeremy Corbyn’s rear end as the clock hit 11:59 PM on October 31st 2019 and Renfield shouted “Trick or Treat” from the window of his room in a Soho whore house.
And if a no-deal Brexit occurred and there was once again a hard Irish border, her son Yaldabaoth could end up buried underneath a concrete wall.
Unlike the American authorities and the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa, she’d know where the body is buried.
But this would be of small comfort to her.
After all, she had told people through the centuries that her son Yaldabaoth was the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.
And if it came out that her son was actually an Irish leprechaun with a serious drinking problem who now lay buried under concrete on the Irish border, well, she’d positively die of embarrassment.
Of course Sophia knew that the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was a friend of Renfield R. Renfield.
She figured that if she whipped him up her famous Greco-Egyptian-Irish-Italian-Norse-Greenlander omelette for breakfast and gave him a great tantric sex piece of tail as a midnight offering, he might put in a good word for her with Renfield.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 6th
2019.
Boris Johnson’s Historic Day, Trump’s Hurricane Bluster, Harvey Tallbanger, Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Van Helsing
Boris Johnson’s Historic Day, Trump’s Hurricane Bluster, Harvey Tallbanger, Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Van Helsing
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was sitting in his office at 10 Downing Street going over some papers this evening.
Earlier in the day, Johnson had sent three Privy Council members up to Balmoral Castle in Scotland to get Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to prorogue (suspend) Parliament for a month to cut back on the amount of time opposition MPs could use to prevent a No Deal Brexit on October 31st (the biggest Halloween trick or treat in British history).
Outside 10 Downing Street, protestors were shouting “Way hey, ho-ho, this BJ has got to go…”
Inside an adjacent cabinet meeting room, Renfield R. Renfield the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering was thinking to himself, “What have those protestors got against blow jobs?”.
. . .
BBC News Anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy was reading the news headlines, “And in other news, U.S. President Donald Trump has blasted the territory of Puerto Rico for having Hurricane Dorian barrelling down in their direction…”
The news clip shows Trump speaking to the media before boarding a helicopter, “I’d just like to say that it’s very very inconsiderate for Puerto Rico to have a hurricane barrelling in their direction for the third time in two years. Not cool at all. Two years ago they were hit by Hurricane Irma and then they were severely hit by Hurricane Maria which caused massive amounts of damage. Then they had the post-Maria nerve to say that it was a disaster and they required emergency aid from Washington DC. Again not very cool. And now a mere 2 years later, Hurricane Dorian is heading towards them. Yet again not very cool. What makes Puerto Rico think that regular American taxpayers will keep bailing them out every time they allow themselves to get hit by a hurricane? Like I say very very inconsiderate of them.”
Geeta Guru-Murthy: Mr. Trump then boarded the helicopter where he got hit in the face with a cream pie thrown at him by a 6 foot 8 tall invisible bunny rabbit according to descriptions by Harvey Wallbanger drinking secret service agents.
. . .
The Greek goddess Artemis was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London hotel room.
“Mr. Van Helsing,” Artemis beckoned him, “I’m here to tell you about the suspicious activities that have been happening at the Thule Air Base in Greenland but let’s get down to other business first…”
And that other business that Artemis had in mind turned out to be very pleasant indeed.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 28th
2019.
