100th Anniversary of Red Baron’s Death: A Haiku

April 21, 2018 at 10:56 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, History, Literature, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

100th Anniversary of Red Baron’s Death: A Haiku

Dr. Cadbury Rocher the great-grandson of Sherrielock Holmes (the immortal leather skirted dominatrix and lesser known twin sister of Sherlock Holmes) had gone to see the gypsy fortune 🔮 teller and spiritist medium Dulcinea Lucia for a seance to contact the spirit of his great grandfather the famous French scientist and World War I RAF flying ace Dr. Louis Rocher who was shot down and killed by the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen 100 years ago yesterday.

And how it was 100 years today that the Red Baron himself was then shot down and killed by a Canadian World War I pilot Captain Roy Brown (although some historians believe it was in fact Charlie Brown’s pet beagle Snoopy).

Dr. Rocher did not tell his immortal great-grandmother Sherrielock Holmes that he was going to speak to her late husband via seance as Miss Holmes considered seances superstitious nonsense.

And even though he was an adult, Sherrielock would definitely not be afraid to take Dr. Cadbury Rocher over her knee and spank him.

The Set Enterprises scientist still vividly remembered the spankings he got from his great grandmother in his childhood and his youth.

A picture of the gypsy spiritist medium Dulcinea Lucia (who was unable to contact either Dr. Louis Rocher or the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen due to a Russian cyber attack on the Greek Underworld of Hades):

https://pin.it/rbzeqzwsy2uvep

Haiku About The Death of The Red Baron:

It’s true wherever
live by sword you’ll die by sword
on ground or in air

-A vampire novel chapter
and haiku
written by Christopher
Saturday April 21st
2018
The 100th Anniversary
of the Death of the
Red Baron
Manfred von Richthofen

And on the subject of aviation and fighting in the clouds ☁️,
a video of me reading aloud
the William Butler Yeats poem
An Irish Airman Foresees His Death

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The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and The Neo-Nazi Billionaire

April 18, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and A Neo-Nazi Billionaire

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was on her way to meet Raúl Castro’s handpicked successor Miguel Díaz-Canel in the Cuban 🇨🇺 capital of Havana.

Pic of Qonzilqointec on her way to meet Cuba’s next President Miguel Díaz-Canel:

https://pin.it/gpw5o3ygkufczk

She was meeting with the new leader to see if he was going to become a total despot like Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro who was Hugo Chavez’s successor (she was already plotting Maduro’s overthrow with Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).

On her way to meet Díaz-Canel, she ran into her lover Dracul Van Helsing who was in Havana to monitor the suspicious activities of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike.

(For more on the background of Robur Pike, please read:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/10/08/nazi-scientist-eckhart-fromm-and-his-attempt-at-human-genetic-cloning/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/02/02/robur-the-conquerer-ii-in-havana/

)

When Dracul saw the sexy and sensual Aztec vampiress wearing her topless gold mini dress, he asked her how much of a hurry she was in to meet Miguel Díaz-Canel.

She adjusted her skirt and replied that she might have a few hours to spare.

So she went to Dracul’s hotel room and spent the next several hours making wild passionate love to him.

. . .

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had left an extremely nasty comment on British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Facebook page.

The comment was in retaliation for Renfield arranging the circumstances whereby the Celtic horned god Cernunnos was busy killing Turkish soldiers who were undertaking a genocidal campaign against the Kurds in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria 🇸🇾.

An hour later, Russian President Vladimir Putin likewise posted a nasty comment on Renfield’s Facebook page.

The remark was in retaliation for Cernunnos likewise killing Russian soldiers at a base in Syria.

“So,” Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost remarked as he chewed on the tip of his spectral cigar and sipped from his spectral glass of brandy, “I see the fascist despot Erdogan has brought forward the date of presidential and parliamentary elections in Turkey 🇹🇷 from November 2019 to this coming June 24th.”

“I guess considering the bad shape Turkey’s economy is in thanks to the fascist despot’s misrule and the defeat that Prince Vlad Dracula, Cernunnos, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Controller of The Golem will soon inflict on Turkish forces in Syria, Erdogan figures he better call the election now so he can hurry up and pave the way to make himself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire,” Renfield remarked.

“I fear that’s very much the case,” Churchill frowned.

“If only I could find a way to convince Theresa May to start a campaign to get that bum kicked out of NATO,” Renfield rubbed his chin. 🤔

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was in her office when suddenly the ancient Egyptian frog 🐸 headed god Kek appeared to her.

“Sweet Jesus,” she said in language designed to offend any pagan deity, “did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like that Internet meme Pepe the Frog 🐸?”.

“So I’ve been told,” Kek’s tongue wrestled with Mrs. Merkel’s Venus fly trap office plant for control of a fly to eat.

“What are you doing here in Germany?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

“Well having spent several days visiting the fascists and Neo-Nazis in the alt-right movement in the U.S., I’m now visiting the fascists and neo-Nazis in the anti-immigrant and anti-foreigner AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland),” Kek smiled as he licked his lips after eating both the Venus fly trap and the fly.

“Germany will never succumb to Naziism again,” said Mrs. Merkel.

“There is a man called Robur Pike who says otherwise,” Kek belched with the sound and fury of an Egyptian god of chaos.

“Who’s Robur Pike?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

Kek laughed and laughed until he had an amphibian bowel movement of massive proportions.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 18th
2018.

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The Welsh Vampiress and The White Wolf

March 19, 2018 at 10:31 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Welsh Vampiress and The White Wolf

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana (also known as Morgana Fay Lee) the British Transhumanist MP for the Welsh constituency of Newbridge was walking the streets of London.

She was unable to find a cab this evening which was unusual for London.

And she did not feel like turning into a bat 🦇 and flying into tonight’s cold wind.

She was dressed in a turquoise coloured evening dress having attended a charity event reception earlier tonight.

As she walked down the street, she was followed by a man in dark clothing much like the attire said to have been worn by Jack the Ripper.

The man was a GRU (Russian Military Intelligence Service) agent who chose the outfit because he had an historical sense of humour (unlike Benny Hill with his hysterical sense of humour).

He carried a poisoned tip umbrella 🌂 containing a poison recently developed by FSB research scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (originally of the East German Stasi).

Vladimir Putin had given the order for the assassination of Morgana.

For two reasons:

1): To test the new poison

2): To send a warning to her Transhumanist parliamentary colleague Renfield R. Renfield to tone down his anti-Putin rhetoric.

Unbeknownst to the GRU agent, he too was being followed.

By a white wolf with blue eyes.

The GRU agent was now only feet away from the Welsh Vampiress.

The white wolf howled.

Morgana quickly turned.

She jumped out of the way as the man lunged.

The umbrella stabbed him in the stomach as he fell.

“Merde,” was the last word of the GRU agent who was currently taking French lessons.

There would be one less student in the Foreign Languages school in Moscow next week.

The white wolf with blue eyes turned and vanished into the night.

Since the man spoke French with a Russian accent, Morgana deduced that he was probably a Russian agent out to assassinate her.

She didn’t know what effect lethal Russian weapons would have on vampiresses but she didn’t intend to stand around and find out.

She knew that Renfield’s friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had an apartment not far from here so she would hide there if he was home.

She rang the buzzer and Dracul answered.

He buzzed her up.

She ran up the stairs rather than take the elevator.

Dracul was standing outside his door in the hallway waiting for her to arrive.

He invited her in and closed the door.

On the other side of the hall, Dracul’s neighbour an elderly Scottish woman was peering through the keyhole of her apartment door and said to herself, “Probably another shameless hussy here to take Kama Sutra lessons.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 19th
2018.

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The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter

March 9, 2018 at 11:17 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Kim Yo-jong Van Helsing Encounter

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was meeting Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a popular London Fish N’ Chips shop called Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips.

Van Helsing had just returned from Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 where he had spent the entire week making out with Lepardia Marango who was the South African government’s Cultural Attaché in London.

Whitstable was still trying to recover from the shocking and totally unexpected news that North Korea’s Kim Jong-un had invited Donald Trump to meet with him and Trump had accepted.

Whitstable was convinced that there was something more at work here than just the diplomatic efforts of South Korea’s President Moon Jae-in.

“Dracul,” Whitstable wanted to know, “was there something more to your encounter with Kim Yo-jong than just finding out if she was a kumiho (a nine-tailed fox from Korean folklore and mythology who’s over a thousand years old and has the ability to shapeshift back and forth into a beautiful woman).”

“As Richard Dawkins is my witness,” Dracul answered, “there wasn’t.”

At that moment, the chef/owner of Cockney Kids Fish N’ Chips Shop immediately took the Today’s Special: All You Can Eat Fish and Chips sign off the counter as soon as he saw Amadeus Emanon walk through the door of the restaurant.

French President Emmanuel Macron was reading a report compiled by French Intelligence on whether the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad had been using chemical weapons against civilians in the Eastern Ghouta suburb.

He turned white when reading the report.

He immediately got on the phone ☎️ to U.S. President Donald Trump.

Meanwhile in the Oval Office, Donald Trump was reading an NSA (National Security Agency) report that was turning his orangish reddish toupee white.

The NSA was currently monitoring a blogger who ostensibly was writing a science-fiction novel on-line but DARPA was convinced that there was something more to it.

“Oh my Divine Self,” Trump exclaimed to an aide, “There may be the possibility that an illegal Japanese alien in this country is actually the Greek Gorgon Medusa in disguise.”

Meanwhile in his parliamentary office in Westminster, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was telling the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill over brandy, “I, an Opposition MP with only 2 seats for my Party in Parliament, have been invited by the Home Secretary Amber Rudd to a meeting of the government’s emergency committee Cobra tomorrow to discuss the nerve agent attacks on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal.”

“Congratulations, Mr. Renfield,” Churchill raised his glass, “You appear to have arrived.”

Meanwhile back in his London apartment, Dracul Van Helsing received a phone call from Kim Yo-jong the younger sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

“Dracul,” she said breathlessly, “Thank you for the gift. Wherever did you find an ancient Korean edition of the Kama Sutra?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 9th
2018.

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The Versatile Blogger Award

March 3, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Personal essays, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Versatile Blogger Award

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been performing every single act from the Kama Sutra with South African cultural attaché Lepardia Marango in a bedroom in a medieval inn in a small village in Wales in the middle of a fierce snow storm.

He had stopped when Lepardia paused to answer a text message from South African President Cyril Ramaphosa.

As Dracul checked his own social media after performing every single position from the Kama Sutra, he noticed he had been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award.

Here was Dracul’s blog post in response to the nomination:

The rules to the award are simple:

Just nominate some other blogger and ask them to answer a question asked by you and then tell 7 interesting things about yourself.

I would like to thank Shreya Sukrity

https://readnewweb.wordpress.com/

for nominating my name for the Versatile Blogger Award.

Shreya asked me a question- Every cloud has a silver lining?

My answer: But there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow 🌈.

My nominees for Versatile Blogger Award: Anyone who wants to answer the question I pose (which I will pose at the end of this blog post).

7 things about myself:

1): I use as the HTML backdrop frame for my blog an HTML backdrop frame that is 10 years out of date on WordPress.

The reason I do is because I happen to like the background- a nice Victorian Gothic style setting- perfect for a vampire novel.

Of course the only problem with it is that I’m unable to like other people’s comments on my own blog posts.

I notice many people like my comments on my own blog post but there is no like button for me to click that I like comments on my own blog posts.

So if you’ve ever wondered why I’ve never clicked Like on your comments on my blog posts, dear readers, it’s because I’m unable to do so.

2): For some reason ever since he was elected President, I have a dream at least once a week where Donald Trump phones me up for advice.

He obviously never listens to it which explains why all of his policies are such disasters.

3): My three favourite literary characters are Sherlock Holmes, Philip Marlowe and Father Jonathan Darrow the mystic Anglican priest who was the central character in Susan Howatch’s series of six novels about the Church of England in the 20th Century.

4): My favourite animated cartoon character is Jessica Rabbit.

5): My 5 favourite writers are William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and C.S. Lewis.

6): My favourite vampire novelist is Anne Rice.

7): My favourite person from History is Jesus Christ.

and here are 3 extra points about myself

8): My favourite contemporary TV character is Raymond Red Reddington (who’s a lot like my own vampire novel character Renfield R. Renfield- and they both have the same initials as well- R.R.R.)

9): My favourite male singer is Josh Groban and my favourite female singer is Aya Matsuura (a Japanese singer)

10): My favourite famous last words spoken on a deathbed by a famous personage in history would be the last words spoken by Oscar Wilde on his deathbed,

“Either that wallpaper goes or I do.”

My question for all those versatile bloggers out there who want to answer this question – Of all the gin joints in all the world, who would you least like to see walk into Rick’s Cafe in Casablanca if you happened to be there?

-An award acceptance
blog post written by
Christopher
Saturday March 3rd
2018.

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Lepardia Marango and Dracul Van Helsing On Saint David’s Day In Wales

March 1, 2018 at 10:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Lepardia Marango and Dracul Van Helsing On Saint David’s Day In Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London was visiting the Principality of Wales.

She decided to visit Saint David’s Day celebrations in Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 and report back to her government in Pretoria what she had discovered about the manner in which the Welsh celebrate the feast day of their national Patron Saint.

As she crossed the border from England’s Herefordshire County into Wales, it was then that the worst of the Siberian snow ❄️ storm freezing cold air system that the British were calling the Beast From The East decided to hit Wales with full force.

It was a good thing that the car had an excellent heating system as she was wearing a short skirt.

With the blowing snow, she decided that she probably would not definitely be able to make it as far as Cardiff the Welsh capital.

Driving down the highway, she came across the small village of Llanvihangel Crucorney (pronounced Clanvihangel Crew-corny) and decided to stay at the Skirrid Inn there since she could not drive further in the snow.

Fortunately they did have one room left.

She went to the dining room for supper where Welsh rarebit was the Saint David’s Night special.

Seated a few seats away from her was the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing who had also been visiting Wales to attend Saint David’s Day celebrations and had also got caught up in the Saint David’s Day snow storm.

Dracul caught a glimpse of Lepardia’s short skirt and her lovely black silk pantyhose clad legs.

He went over and spoke to her, “Aren’t you Lepardia Marango the cultural attaché at the South African Embassy in London?”.

“Yes, I am,” she smiled, “You’re Dracul Van Helsing aren’t you? We met at Renfield R. Renfield’s Parliamentary Christmas 🎄 Cocktail Party back in December.”

They had dinner together.

When both went to their respective rooms for the night, the cold stone of the inn could not keep out the cold from outside.

Both had got up at the same time to go downstairs for warm coffee or tea.

“Gee, maybe we should keep one another warm,” Dracul suggested.

“That might not be a bad idea,” Lepardia smiled.

They went back to Lepardia’s room and spent the rest of the night making love.

On the radio which was playing softly in the background, BBC News was playing Vladimir Putin’s Russian 🇷🇺 State of the Union Address in which the Russian leader boasted that he was now in possession of a nuclear weapon that was invincible.

So for that matter did Dracul Van Helsing.

Lepardia Marango squealed with delight.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 1st
2018.

Permalink 13 Comments

Dracul Van Helsing and The Kumiho

February 12, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing and The Kumiho

A kumiho (literally “nine tailed fox”) is a creature that appears in the ancient tales and myths of Korea.

According to Korean folklore, a fox that lives a thousand years turns into a kumiho.

This 9-tailed fox has the ability to shape shift and can turn into a beautiful woman who seduces men and then eats their heart or liver.

Donald Trump had contacted Interpol and explained his theory that it was his belief that Kim Yo-jong the sister of Kim Jong-un was a kumiho.

The file was passed to Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol to investigate.

Whitstable was currently investigating reports of a werewolf in the highlands of Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 so he sent his friend and colleague the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to PyeongChang to investigate Kim Yo-jong.

Whitstable was currently attending a same species marriage of two horses 🐎 🐎 at the blacksmith’s shop in the Scottish town of Gretna Green when he managed to get ahold of Van Helsing on his smart phone.

“Did you get a chance to see Kim Yo-jong?” Whitstable asked.

“I did,” Van Helsing said, “I had dinner with her.”

“Do you think she’s a kumiho? A nine-tailed fox in disguise?” Whitstable inquired.

“She had only one tail as far as I could see,” Van Helsing answered.

He had dropped coins on the floor under the dinner table so he could look up her skirt (in a maneuver he had learned from watching John Candy in action in the 1984 movie Splash).

The move had earned him a kick in the head from one of Kim Yo-jong’s spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

“Well I didn’t think the story was true given the source of the information,” Whitstable admitted.

“Oh my God, she ate my liver!” Van Helsing exclaimed when he opened his doggy bag that he had packed up from the restaurant a few nights before and noticed that all his grilled liver and onions were gone.

“What!” Whitstable was shocked, “Stay calm, Dracul and hold tight. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

Whitstable promptly leapt on the mare of honour at the wedding (or was it the best stallion?) and started riding south across the border towards London while on his smart phone he was busy booking the most timely flight he could get from London to Seoul.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 12th
2018

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Klondike Kate and The Pantages Film

January 28, 2018 at 11:02 pm (Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , )

Klondike Kate and The Pantages Film

Dracul Van Helsing was in London England where he had been asked to meet his friend Interpol agent Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Dracul was to meet Whitstable in the old film projectionist’s room of an old movie 🎥 theatre.

“Hello, Dracul,” Whitstable was putting an old reel of film through an old film projector.

“Wow, this takes me back to my childhood days when all movie theatres were like this before the advent of the big multiplex cinemas,” Dracul looked around.

“I found this old film reel at an antique collectibles store in Paris,” Whitstable explained as he turned on the projector, “it’s most likely a copy of a copy of a copy that was shot way back but still in good condition.”

“How way back was it shot?” Dracul inquired who was wishing he had a carton of hot buttered popcorn 🍿 with him as he looked through the projectionist’s window and out on to the old classic theatre seats.

“1902,” Whitstable answered, “during the dying days of the Klondike Gold Rush.”

“Really?” Dracul was impressed.

He had been raised in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada during the days when they still had an interesting summer festival called Klondike Days when entire families would dress in Klondike attire and celebrate the days of the Klondike Gold Rush in the Yukon which hit its peak in 1897.

Klondike Days was later replaced by a boring summer festival called Capital Ex (which most Edmontonians called the Ex Lax Festival).

It was now called K-Days which gave the impression that the old Klondike Days theme had been restored but really it hadn’t.

“Yes, it shows an interesting encounter between the real Klondike Kate and Alexander Pantages,” Whitstable winked.

Dracul had heard about the famous Klondike Gold Rush love affair between saloon dancer/brothel keeper Kathleen “Kitty” Rockwell and Alexander Pantages then a struggling waiter and bartender (who went on to found the famous Pantages chain of vaudeville and movie theatres across the U.S. and Canada) in Dawson City, Yukon.

“Of course,” Whitstable smiled, “you’ve probably heard about the claim made by a TV show called The Canadians in which it was said that the real Klondike Kate was actually a woman called Katherine Ryan who lived the adventures that Kathleen Rockwell borrowed for her own use.”

“I’ve heard that, yes,” Dracul acknowledged.

“Well this film which I’ve had authenticated by various film experts shows us indeed who was the real Klondike Kate in action with future motion picture theatre mogul Alexander Pantages,” said Whitstable in dramatic fashion.

After watching the reel of film (which would probably be considered soft porn by today’s movie standards), Dracul turned to Whitstable and said, “The real Klondike Kate was a vampiress.”

“So it would appear,” Whitstable lit a cigarette in a manner more reminiscent of the Smoking Man than Fox Mulder.

“She certainly bit him with her fangs and sucked his blood but she doesn’t seemed to have killed him or turned him into a vampire,” Dracul reflected, “if Pantages had become a vampire, he might have been able to beat that phony rape charge that Joseph Patrick Kennedy Sr. orchestrated against him in 1929 in his effort to destroy a motion picture rival.”

“Yes, a vampire would have made minced meat out of a slime ball like Kennedy,” Whitstable agreed.

“Any idea who this vampiress is?” Dracul asked.

“I’ve determined that her name was Katherine Van Dusen and she was apparently turned into a vampiress at a Wild West saloon called The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in the town of Hayden Colorado back in the early 1880s,” Whitstable explained, “and the rumour which I’ve been unable to verify was that she was turned into a vampiress by Count Dracula himself.”

“The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon?” Dracul recognized the name from conversations he had with Dr. Cadbury Rocher, “Do you happen to know the name of the proprietress of this saloon?”.

“Sherrielock Holmes,” Whitstable answered.

Meanwhile Dr. Cadbury Rocher was having dinner with Dracula at the Savoy Hotel in London.

“Did I ever tell you that my great-grandmother is still alive?” Dr. Rocher picked up sirloin steak on his fork, “She’s immortal but she isn’t a vampiress.”

“Really? What’s her name?” Dracula asked over his roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

“Sherrielock Holmes,” Dr. Rocher answered.

Dracula’s face turned as white as the table cloth prior to his dumping gravy all over it at the mention of Sherrielock’s name.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 28th
2018.

Permalink 11 Comments

The Awesome Blogger Award

January 23, 2018 at 10:16 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Awesome Blogger Award

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was making out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in a luxurious hotel room in Bucharest, Romania.

Downstairs in the lobby, Dr. Cadbury Rocher was giving Vlad III Tepes the Impaler Dracula a history lesson on what’s been happening in the world throughout the entire 20th Century and the 1st 17 years of the 21st.

By all accounts, Dracul Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec were having the more enjoyable time.

“I hear you’ve been nominated for the Awesome Blogger Award, Dracul,” Qonzilqointec gasped in ecstasy as she climaxed yet again.

“That’s right, I have been nominated for the Awesome Blogger Award,” Dracul answered as he moved in for the Kama Sutra Lifetime Achievement Award.

“I would have to agree, you are an awesome blogger!” Qonzilqointec admitted as she orgasmed for the 69th time in this lovemaking session.

“Thank you,” Dracul thought that his childhood hero Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise would be so proud of him right now.

“Who nominated you?” The sexy Aztec vampiress asked.

“A fellow blogger Ortensia72 who lives in Dublin, Ireland 🇮🇪,” Dracul replied.

“Isn’t Dublin the home of Guinness Draught?” Qonzilqointec queried as she underwent a volcanic eruption 🌋.

“It is,” Dracul re-enacted Robin Hood hitting the bull’s eye at a Nottingham archery tournament, “Drinking a Guinness draught and reading a Van Helsing blog post seem to go well together.”

“Well, I currently like where a Van Helsing is posting now,” the Aztec vampire princess gasped, “so all I need is a Guinness draught.”

“We can order some from room service,” Dracul suggested.

“What question were you asked in getting nominated for the award?” Qonzilqointec purred like a kitten.

“Savoury or sweets?” Dracul remembered the question.

“And what was your answer?” She came as Dracul entered new terrain.

“Savoury of course,” Dracul replied, “I’ve always liked my sex extremely spicy 🌶.”

“And who do you nominate?” She pressed her lips against him.

“Every blog I read has an awesome blogger behind it,” said Dracul, “so I nominate them all.”

“And what question will you ask them?” Qonzilqointec waved a leopard skin tanga above her head.

“Where was the most unusual place you made love?” Dracul framed the question in Perry Mason like courtroom fashion.

“And where do you think was the most unusual place we made love?” Qonzilqointec started to hum that old song Thanks For The Memories.

“Probably when we made love in the clock tower of Big Ben at the Westminster Parliament just before they closed the tower down for several years as it undergoes construction 🔨,” Dracul recalled.

Meanwhile in the lobby, Dracula had fallen asleep 😴 when Dr. Cadbury Rocher started reading aloud from the U. S. Congressional Record debating the federal budget for the U.S. Government fiscal year 1952-53.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 23rd
2018.

Permalink 35 Comments

Dracul Van Helsing In Transylvania

January 22, 2018 at 10:14 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing In Transylvania

The great Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was in Transylvania.

He was visiting the decaying ruins of Castle Dracula in the Carpathian Mountains near the Borgo Pass.

Accompanying him was Set Enterprises’ chief resident scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The two were seeking the remains of the Wallachian voivode (or prince) Vlad III also known as Vlad Tepes also known as Vlad the Impaler but better known to Britain and the Western world as Vlad Dracula (the son of Vlad Dracul or Vlad the Dragon 🐉 who was Wallachian prince Vlad II).

Both Dracul and Dr. Rocher were in Transylvania on the advice of British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was being advised by the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill (Churchill’s ghost appeared to Renfield by leaving a painted portrait of himself in Renfield’s office whenever Renfield drank from the last bottle of brandy that Churchill ever owned).

According to Renfield and dear old Winnie’s ghost, the only way that Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan could be stopped from creating a revived Ottoman Empire thereby threatening world peace would be if Vlad the Impaler (who made a successful career out of impaling his Turkish enemies) was brought back from the dead.

Sadly for the world in the second decade of the 21st Century, Dracul Van Helsing’s great great grandfather Dr. Abraham Van Helsing had driven a stake through Dracula’s heart in the last decade of the 19th Century.

Ironically Dracul Van Helsing’s Romanian mother Nadja Draculescu was a direct descendant of Vlad Dracula.

Which made Dracul a direct descendant of Vlad Dracula as well.

So on his father’s side, he was a Van Helsing.

On his mother’s side, he was a Dracula.

When they found Dracula’s coffin in the dungeon of Castle Dracula, Dracul Van Helsing and Dr. Cadbury Rocher opened it.

Inside they found the dust that had been Dracula.

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” Dracul quoted from the burial service in the Anglican Book of Common Prayer.

“Son of man, can these bones live?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher quoted Ezekiel Chapter 37 verse 3.

Dr. Rocher then zapped the dust and bones with his Tesla laser particle beam flashlight helmet wearing pink rabbit Energizer Bunny.

The atomic particles and sub-atomic particles of Dracula’s body re-assembled itself.

The Energizer Bunny kept going, saying in a TV commercial announcer style voice, “It keeps going and going…”

And going and going it did.

It kept going out the door of the Castle and kept going right over a cliff.

It wasn’t in any shape to keep going once it had made its landing however.

Meanwhile Dracula now had his head and heart attached.

Dracula had risen from the dead.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 22nd
2018.

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