Drusilla The Dryad and Dracul Van Helsing Have Lunch In A French Restaurant
Yesterday Drusilla the Dryad (Dryads are what wood nymphs were called in the classical Greek world) and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had met.
They had had an intense spanking session and totally awesome round of lovemaking in a public park in Britain yesterday (which was the site of the spot where the young Arthur Pendragon had pulled a sword out of a stone and became High King of the Britons as a result).
The ghost of Orson Welles was forced to watch the spectacle while eating his spectral picnic lunch.
He was later joined by the ghost of Winston Churchill who reflected on how he felt on V-E (Victory In Europe) Day 79 years earlier while Dracul and Drusilla were busy reaching states of Kama Sutra tantric orgasms in the present.
Today Drusilla and Dracul were having lunch together in a French restaurant.
Drusilla the Dryad enjoying lunch with Dracul Van Helsing in a French restaurant.
When it came time to pay the cheque, Dracul announced that he had left his wallet at home.
“You did that deliberately,” so Drusilla grabbed Dracul, ripped his clothes off, took him over her knee, across her lap and spanked the living daylights out of him.
They then made love on the table knocking over sugar and cream in the process.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday May 9th
2024.
The above vampire novel chapter is dedicated to Leo who is my landlady’s cat.
I remember a few weeks ago I was in the kitchen and my landlady grabbed Leo, picked him up and held him under his front paws and shook him and said, “You’re so horny, you’re so horny.”
I was quite startled because I had never seen anything like this before in my life.
Then she said to him, “I should take you in to be fixed.”
And I was thinking to myself that it was a good thing I didn’t know my landlady when I was younger or otherwise she might have been grabbing me, lifting me up from under my armpits and shaking me and saying, “You’re so horny, you’re so horny.”
Then saying to me, “I should take you in to be fixed.”
But I guess she was right about Leo being horny because this past weekend a woman friend of Betty (Betty is my landlady) brought her two female cats over to spend the weekend because she wanted them to have kittens.
The two female cats were called Missy and Princess respectively.
Princess wanted nothing to do with Leo but Missy was as horny as Hell.
They must have made out together something like 14 times this past weekend.
Including knocking over and breaking a valuable antique vase which had the nightlight for the house on top of it.
Before Betty’s friend came over to pick them up, Leo and Missy started doing it on the stairs.
Betty came running up the stairs, “Leo don’t lay her on the stairs. She might strain her neck in that position.”
Anyhow I wrote a song about Leo and Missy which is set to the tune of that old Tommy Makem and The Clancy Brothers Irish-Australian folk song The Wild Colonial Boy.
There was a wild orange and white cat 🐈
Leo was his name
He was born and raised in Calgary
At a place called
Something Or Other Farms
At the tender age of a few days
He was adopted by a lady named Betty
He was taken to the neighbourhood
of Rundle
Where he would often roam
Roaming through the lawns of Rundle
He whistled a happy tune
Because getting laid for him
Could not come too soon.
And then one day, Missy showed up,
And she said to him,
Please sir, can you give me
many a fuck?
And so Leo mounted Missy,
And their lovemaking
Was quite frisky.
Down went the antique vase 🏺,
Down went the nightlight
And when Leo and Missy made out,
It was really quite the sight.
-Paraphrased Australian-Irish
Folk song
Written by Christopher
A few days ago
Posted Thursday May 9th
2024.
The Nymph On The Stone
Drusilla the Dryad sitting on the stone that was once the sight of Arthur’s famous Sword in The Stone.
Wood nymphs in classical Greek mythology were called Dryads.
And thus Drusilla the Dryad was a wood nymph.
A nymph that had emerged out of the woods in this park to sit on this stone.
But this was no ordinary stone.
This was the stone that had once held the famous Sword in The Stone of Arthurian legend.
The stone where there was an inscription in front of it that read WHOSOEVER PULLETH THE SWORD OUT OF THIS STONE IS THE RIGHTFUL HIGH KING OF THE BRITONS.
And Arthur who thought he was the son of Sir Hector had pulled the sword out of the stone.
And that was because he was in fact the son of Uther Pendragon the last High King of the Britons prior to Arthur pulling the sword out of this stone.
But in those days the sword and this stone had been in the churchyard of an ancient church.
The church was called the Church of St. Michael and St. George.
But when Henry VIII made himself the Head on Earth of the Church of England in November 1534 and started dissolving monasteries and razing a few churches, the Church of Saint Michael and Saint George was razed to the ground.
Because a woman seer had told Henry that someday a descendant of King Arthur would be crowned King of all of Britain at that spot.
And the woman seer told Henry that despite his father King Henry VII’s propaganda, the Tudor family of Wales were not descended from King Arthur.
In fact, Henry’s elder brother who should have been king was in fact named Arthur to go along with post-War of The Roses 🌹 🥀 Tudor propaganda.
Their father King Henry VII’s desire was for Arthur to become king and for Henry to become a priest with hopes that someday in their father’s eyes he would become Archbishop of Canterbury.
And thus the Tudor family would control both Church and State in England.
With Arthur as King running the state.
And the younger Henry as Archbishop of Canterbury running the church.
But then Arthur died.
And Henry became heir to the throne.
But since he had studied to become a priest, Henry did have an extensive background in theology.
It was that background that allowed Henry to write a book against the ideas of Martin Luther which he called In Defense of The Seven Sacraments that he wrote in 1521.
That same year of 1521 on October 11th, Pope Leo X gave Henry VIII the title Defender of The Faith (a title that British monarchs still hold today) as reward for writing that pamphlet against Luther and his ideas.
On November 3rd 1534 the British Parliament gave King Henry VIII the title of Head On Earth of the Church of England.
On December 31st 1534 the Church of Saint Michael and Saint George (where the young Arthur Pendragon had pulled the sword out of the stone) was completely destroyed and demolished.
The only thing that remained was the stone (that had once held the sword).
And that was because time had forgotten what stone it was.
Today the area where the ancient church and ancient churchyard had once stood was now a public park.
And Drusilla the Dryad (a wood nymph of classical Greek mythology) was currently sitting on the stone that had once held the sword of Arthurian legend.
As Christopher Dracul Van Helsing walked through the park, he noticed the beautiful and forever young immortal nymph Drusilla the Dryad sitting on a stone.
“Good day, Miss,” Van Helsing approached the beautiful Drusilla, “Are you a fan of Arthurian myth?”.
“A myth that was once reality,” Drusilla answered, “for Arthur pulled the sword out of this stone here.”
“I wonder where I should place my sword?” Dracul mused aloud.
“Sir, I do not like your tone,” Drusilla’s eyes flashed fire.
“And what are you going to do about it?” Van Helsing demanded to know.
“This,” and with that the lovely young nymph Drusilla took Dracul over her knee and across her lap and ripped off his clothes and spanked him on the bare bottom.
“No,” the ghost of Orson Welles cried when he came around the corner carrying an extensively large spectral picnic 🧺 lunch 🥗 🥙 🥪 🍗 basket 🧺 and saw what was happening.
And so that was how Drusilla, Dracul and the ghost of Orson Welles spent V-E (Victory In Europe) Day 2024.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Wednesday May 8th
2024.
Countess Draculina Meets Dracul Van Helsing
It was a forested area of Maryland not far from Washington DC.
Senile old fool Joe Biden was giving his State of the Union address in Washington.
At the CIA headquarters in Washington, Nazis and Communists had signed a pact to jointly take over America.
And the Countess Draculina was in this Maryland forested area to meet with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
A friend of hers named Robur The Conqueror had been kidnapped by the American CIA back on Chinese New Year’s Day of this year.
She still wasn’t able to find out where he was being held.
So Countess Draculina decided to turn to Dracul Van Helsing for help.
On his smart phone, Van Helsing commented in a text message to a friend that “today March 7th 2024 is the 750th anniversary of the death of my favourite philosopher Thomas Aquinas who is considered the greatest philosopher of the Middle Ages in Europe”.
“How many years ago would that be? What was the exact date?” Amadeus Emanon messaged back.
“March 7th 1274,” Van Helsing replied.
“That was a long time ago,” Amadeus commented.
Van Helsing was tempted to message back “Brilliant deduction” like Sherlock Holmes often said in exasperation to Dr. Watson but thought better of it.
“Hello, Mr. Van Helsing”,” the Countess Draculina said as Dracul approached.
“What can I do for you, Countess?” Van Helsing asked.
The Countess Draculina told Van Helsing of her friend Robur’s kidnapping.
“Any idea why?” Van Helsing inquired.
“My friend Robur invented a craft back in 1903 that he called The Terror,” Draculina explained, “It is a craft that can operate as either a speedboat, submarine, automobile or aircraft. It operates using electrical charges generated from the Earth itself based on experiments that Nikola Tesla carried out at Colorado Springs Colorado from 1899 to 1900. I imagine he was kidnapped by the CIA to get the prototype of the plans for his craft The Terror.”
“It can travel at high speed? This craft?” Van Helsing was curious.
“His first craft The Terror that he came out with in 1903 could travel at the then unheard of speeds of 150 miles per hour on land and at more than 250 miles per hour in the air,” Draculina answered, “The last craft he came out with last year on December 18th (the same day that Pope Francis announced he was blessing same sex unions) which was The Terror #666 could travel at thousands of miles per second in all sorts of environments- earth, water and air- at speeds as those shown by craft that the U.S. government says is “not terrestrial in origin”.”
“So the U.S. government now has plans to develop a craft that can compete with ET?” Van Helsing phoned home but got a busy signal.
“Yes,” Draculina nodded, “and I found out in a conversation I had last night with Elon Musk that all of the big U.S. aerospace corporations are now doing secret work for the U.S. government in building some sort of new secretive aircraft and spacecraft.”
“Did you find out in your conversation with Musk last night whether Donald Trump has decided to name him (Elon Musk) as his Vice-Presidential running mate?” Van Helsing asked.
“That I did not find out,” Draculina shook her head.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday March 7th
2024.
Athena and The Mad Scientist
The Greek goddess Athena sits on top of mad scientist Dr. Lonex Gunmanetti Grassyknollus’ luggage 🧳 as he packs to leave for Wuhan China
Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom had found out about Dr. Grassyknollus’ plans to leave the U.S. with a secret formula and components which would be used at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.
Thus she sat on top of the mad scientist’s luggage 🧳 as he came into the room to gather up his belongings.
U.S. government research scientist Dr. Lonex Gunmanetti Grassyknollus had originally been a German scientist working for the Nazi Third Reich’s biological warfare program.
His name back then had been Dr. Heinrich Austerberg.
He had been brought to the U.S. after World War II through Operation Paperclip run by the American OSS (Office of Strategic Services- forerunner of the American CIA) as had numerous other Nazi scientists.
This import of Nazi scientists into America had marked the beginning of the American Deep State.
Just like today’s import of Islamist fanatics into America would mark the end of the American state period and the emergence of the One World Global Deep State.
Dr. Heinrich Austerberg had been bitten by the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith and turned into a vampire back on January 17th 1961.
That was the same date as President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s farewell speech in which he warned about the emergence of a “military-industrial complex” in the U.S. and told the American people to be on guard against it.
Dr. Heinrich Austerberg changed his name to Dr. Lonex Gunmanetti Grassyknollus on December 9th 1969 as part of an insiders’ inside joke he shared with the American CIA over a certain event that happened back in November 1963.
The past several years Dr. Lonex Gunmanetti Grassyknollus had been working for the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases from 1984 to 2022 where he worked under one Dr. Anthony Stephen Fauci.
He retired from the agency at the same time Dr. Fauci did.
He then worked for a virtually unknown private think tank in New York City called The Locust Scorpion 🦂 Foundation.
His work at the Locust Scorpion 🦂 Foundation (which was financed by various globalist billionaires associated with the World Economic Forum as well as Deep State branches of the U.S. government) was now complete.
The final leg of his research was to be completed at the Wuhan Institute of Virology in Wuhan China.
Dr. Lonex Gunmanetti Grassyknollus being a very old school mad scientist was unaware that there had been massive improvements to luggage 🧳 since he had last travelled widely (which was to flee Germany back in the 1940s).
Hence the reason for the very antiquated vintage looking luggage 🧳 cases that Athena was now sitting on as Dr. Lonex Gunmanetti Grassyknollus entered the room thinking that he was about to leave the country.
“Who are you?” Dr. Grassyknollus asked the lovely goddess.
“I’m the Greek goddess Athena,” Athena answered.
“What do you want?” Grassyknollus demanded to know.
“Athena is here as a distraction,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing explained as he emerged on the scene, “I’m here to offer you a nice juicy stake for this evening.”
Van Helsing plunged a hawthorn wooden stake into the vampire’s heart.
Dr. Lonex Gunmanetti Grassyknollus crumbled to dust as that old Patsy Cline and The Jordanaires song I Fall To Pieces played on the radio in the background.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday December 9th
2023.
Aphrodite At Versailles
The Greek goddess Aphrodite at Versailles
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was at the palace of Versailles when Louis XIV entered the room.
“Mon Dieu!” Louis shouted when he saw her.
Aphrodite turned to look at him and said, “I’m actually a goddess.”
“You’re Aphrodite!” Louis said, “I happen to own your official portrait that was stolen off Mount Olympus.”
“You also happen to own the Golden Apple that was given to me when Paris of Troy judged me the fairest goddess of the trio of Athena, Hera and myself,” Aphrodite pointed out.
“Now that you mention it, yes,” the Sun King nodded.
“I want you to give it back to me,” Aphrodite said.
“All right,” the Sun King agreed.
The Sun King gave the Golden Apple back to Aphrodite.
The next day August 13th 1704, the French army of Louis XIV was defeated at the Battle of Blenheim by John Churchill the 1st Duke of Marlborough (John Churchill was an ancestor of Britain’s great wartime Prime Minister Winston Churchill) and the Sun King’s plans to capture Vienna (the capital of Austria and the Holy Roman Empire) and make himself master of Europe went down the drain.
Paris of Troy gave the Golden Apple to Aphrodite and Troy lost the Trojan War.
Louis XIV returned the Golden Apple to Aphrodite and France lost the War of the Spanish Succession.
On this date December 7th 2023 in the office of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing told Netanyahu, “The National Library of Israel happens to have in its possession the original Golden Apple awarded by Paris of Troy to Aphrodite. It was captured in a covert mission raid that Israel 🇮🇱 made on Mount Olympus years ago during the 1973 Yom Kippur War (because the Greek god Ares was backing your enemies while the Greek goddess Athena was supporting you),” Van Helsing explained, “Aphrodite will be arriving soon to ask you for it back. Don’t give it to her unless you want Israel 🇮🇱 to lose the war to Hamas.”
“All right,” Netanyahu agreed.
“Happy Hanukkah 🕎,” Van Helsing said as he left since this was the first evening of Hanukkah.
At that moment the Syrian Greek King Antiochus IV Epiphanes screamed louder than usual as he roasted away on his rotating barbeque spit down in Tartarus.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday December 7th
2023.
Aphrodite In Rome
The Greek goddess Aphrodite getting her photo taken from a balcony in Rome
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was spending this October 27th 2023 in the City of Rome.
It was on this date back in 312 AD that the Roman general Constantine saw a vision of a Cross in the sky 🌌 with the words HOC SIGNO VICTOR ERIS (In this sign, you will conquer) below it.
Constantine then had the sign of the Cross painted on all his soldiers’ shields 🛡️ and he went on to win the Battle of the Milvian Bridge the next day (October 28th 312 AD) against his enemy and rival for the title of Western Roman Emperor the general Maxentius.
A few hours after Aphrodite had this photo taken, the demon Baphomet appeared to Pope Francis in the night sky 🌌 and showed him a vision of a satanic inverted pentagram with the words HOC SIGNO VICTOR ERIS below it.
“Damn it,” the Unholy Father foamed at the mouth, “You bloody well know I got an F in Latin in seminary back home in Argentina 🇦🇷. And I’ve had a chip (from the Holy Cross) on my shoulder about it ever since. Why the Hell do you think I’ve forbidden the Latin Tridentine Mass to be said? I don’t know what the Fuck HOC SIGNO VICTOR ERIS means.”
The ghosts of Calvin and Zwingli (recently escaped from the flames 🔥 of Tartarus) walked by and remarked, “That pontiff swears and curses just like Martin Luther.”
As Baphomet was appearing to Francis, the Greek goddess Aphrodite was meeting with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a Roman taverna.
“What are you doing in Rome?” Aphrodite asked Van Helsing.
“Bergoglio’s Synod On Synodality brought a huge amount of vampires, demons and ghosts to the City of Rome,” Van Helsing explained, “so I came here to slay vampires just like my friend Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds from St. Genevieve’s Church in West London came here to exorcise the ghosts and demons.”
“And were you successful?” Aphrodite asked.
“Well the vampires, ghosts and demons who sought sanctuary in the Vatican we couldn’t get at,” Van Helsing answered, “since Bergoglio forbade us from entering the Vatican.”
Just then the Greek god Ares walked by looking as pleased as punch with himself.
“What are you so happy about?” Aphrodite inquired.
“Because very early this morning the U.S. launched air strikes on two locations in eastern Syria 🇸🇾 that were facilities used by the Iranian Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps,” Ares smiled like Bill Clinton after oral surgery had been performed by Monica Lewinsky, “so World War III may be just around the corner.”
Ares broke into a little song, dance and jig as he sang that old Edwin Hawkins song Oh Happy Day.
“If world war breaks out,” Klaus Schwab walked by grinning like the Cheshire Cat, “7.5 billion people will own nothing because they’ll all be dead.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 27th
2023.
Countess Natalie
A post card featuring Countess Natalie
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was in Rome along with the Church of England’s leading exorcist Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds.
The reason for the pair being there was the huge number of vampires and ghosts being in the city to say nothing of demons and fallen angels.
No doubt it was due to Pope Francis’ Synod On Synodality that the forces of Hell were in the city.
Francis had forbidden traditional Catholic exorcists to visit the city while the Synod was on.
However since both Dracul Van Helsing and Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds were Anglican, they didn’t have to pay attention to any of Francis’ idiotic pronouncements.
After a night of slaying vampires and a night of exorcising ghosts and demons, Van Helsing and Father Bury Saint Edmunds were now posing as regular tourists in the city.
They were visiting a gift shop.
Van Helsing was looking at posts cards as he always preferred real cards to e-cards.
It was then that he saw a post card that had on it a picture of an extraordinarily beautiful woman.
Your typical English language speaking tourist from North America might think that the words on the post card were in Italian (after all the post card was in a gift shop in Rome Italy) but they weren’t.
They were in Romanian.
The words could be roughly translated as “Good evening. A kiss yes makes an evening superb.”
Dracul Van Helsing had to admit that a kiss from that woman would definitely make an evening superb.
He was about to buy it when the post card literally vanished from his sight.
Quite literally.
He mentioned to the shop owner, “I thought I saw a post card of an extraordinarily beautiful woman elegantly dressed and the phrase on the card was in Romanian. Do you have such a card?”.
“No, signore,” the shop owner shook his head.
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds laughed.
“For some reason, your seeing a beautiful woman’s picture on a post card that isn’t there reminds me of Christopher Reeve seeing that old photograph of a beautiful Edwardian era actress in that museum room in a hotel in the 1980 film Somewhere In Time,” the priest smiled.
“I’ve never seen that movie,” said Van Helsing, “although I’ve always wanted to. I’ve just seen the trailer and some clips from it. I’ve always had a crush on Jane Seymour. For me the most terrifying scene in the 1973 movie Frankenstein: The True Story was when the Frankenstein monster rips off the head of Jane Seymour’s character Prima.”
“I guess the Frankenstein monster needs lessons in aesthetics from Oscar Wilde, Friedrich Nietzsche and Pan Goatee,” Father Bury Saint Edmunds commented.
The pair left the shop.
They happened to pass by an art gallery that said Photograph Exhibit By The Transylvanian Count Dracula.
“I didn’t know Dracula was a photographer,” Van Helsing commented.
They entered the gallery.
And there in the corner of a gallery sat a beautiful model wearing the same dress and same expression as the woman in the post card that Van Helsing saw earlier.
In fact it was the same woman.
As Van Helsing looked at her, the lettering of a Romanian 🇷🇴 phrase also appeared in front of him.
“Good evening, Van Helsing,” the woman named Countess Natalie smiled at him, “Would you like a kiss to make this evening superb?”.
And it turned out to be a superb evening.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 18th
2023.
Byzantine Vampiress Theodora In Rostov-on-Don
The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora was currently walking the streets of Rostov-on-Don in southern Russia.
All signs of Yevgeny Prigozhin’s Wagner Group mutiny seemed to have vanished.
And intelligent intelligence analysts in the West (in other words those not working for intelligence agencies of the NATO bloc) were wondering if Yevgeny Prigozhin was the recipient of the $6 billion U.S. missing in what the Biden Administration was now calling an accounting error in the U.S. military budget for Ukraine.
Theodora was happy that the mutiny had been put down.
While she didn’t want to see Ukraine become part of a Neo-Imperial Russia 🇷🇺, neither did she have the desire to see the Neo-Trotskyite Bolsheviks currently running NATO win a Second Cold War against Russia.
Theodora had just flown in from the Vatican.
Quite literally.
On bats’ 🦇 wings.
Theodora had flown in 🦇 from the Vatican in Rome.
She was investigating a Calgary based geopolitical analyst’s claims that the Greek Orthodox Patriarch Bartholomew of Constantinople was an Apostle of the Antichrist.
One way to tell if Patriarch Bartholomew of Constantinople was indeed an Apostle of the Antichrist was to see what he had said in correspondence with Pope Fagcis (as Canada’s noted archivist and researcher Jack Morrow called Pope Francis).
So she went to the Vatican to examine Pope Francis’ drawers.
That is the drawers in his desk.
A group of gay young Jesuits were currently examining the drawers under Pope Francis’ robes.
She discovered that both Francis and Bartholomew worshipped an earth mother goddess.
Although the name of the earth mother goddess that Bartholomew worshipped was Gaia.
And the name of the earth mother goddess that Francis worshipped was Pachamama.
So much for Pope and Patriarch.
Then of course there was the Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby who worshipped Antinous (the male lover of the gay Roman Emperor Hadrian whom Hadrian made a god after Antinous’ death) and the Roman transgender Emperor Elagabalus.
These days were certainly shaping up to be a lot like the days of Lot, Theodora thought to herself.
Just then a genetically created chimera walked by.
And a lot like the days of Noah, Theodora thought to herself.
Theodora continued down the streets of Rostov-on-Don.
Where she ran into Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
And they spent a night of Byzantine intrigue together.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 26th
2023.
Hera In Paris
The Greek goddess Hera in Paris
The Greek goddess Hera was in Paris.
Hera always felt amazed whenever she was in Paris.
Not only because of the city itself (the City of Lights) but also because the city shared the same name as the man whose adultery started the 10 year Trojan War.
Today the Greek goddess would be attending a 1920s Great Gatsby style theme party.
Hence her manner of dress and her hair style.
Her date for this evening would not be her husband Zeus.
He was busy visiting the ruins of Atlantis because somebody had kraken-napped his kraken Phobos Maximus from the ruins where it lived.
It would be difficult to release the Kraken when Zeus shouted “Release the Kraken!” if the Kraken was already gone.
Zeus was visiting the ruins of Atlantis with his brother Poseidon since Poseidon being the Greek god of the sea knew the ocean floor like the back of his hand.
Zeus and Poseidon rode in an underwater chariot pulled by a pair of giant sea horses.
They passed an underwater tennis game being played between Merleon the merlion and the mermaid 🧜♀️ Ionela.
So far neither of the tennis 🎾 players had scored a point in this game among the ruins of Atlantis.
“That tennis game reminds me of a Robert Browning poem, an Edward Burne-Jones watercolour and a novel by Evelyn Waugh for some reason,” Poseidon commented.
Back in Paris, Hera waited for her date.
She turned and there he was.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
They rode through the streets of Paris in a horse drawn carriage.
Until they arrived at the home of Fernando Faberge.
A descendant of the maker of Faberge eggs.
Hera got out looking like Daisy Buchanan.
Dracul Van Helsing got out looking like Jay Gatsby.
“I make one Hell of a Nick Carraway,” the ghost of Orson Welles remarked as he cut himself while shaving 🪒 with a ghostly blade and also spilling ghostly caraway seeds all over his suit.
“Some people will go a long way to make a pun,” the ghost of Carl Jung noted.
“I make one Hell of a Psycho-The-Rapist,” the ghost of Sigmund Freud remarked when he received an invitation to star in a new Alfred Hitchcock film.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 9th
2023.
Aphrodite In Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite in the city of Venice
The Greek goddess Aphrodite was in the city of Venice wearing a beautiful lilac dress as she walked along a brick pier.
She was here to meet Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
Van Helsing was on a mission for Set Enterprises.
Set Enterprises was hoping to stop Asclepius the Greek god of medicine, Thoth the Egyptian god of math 🧮 and the sciences, the Norse trickster god Loki, evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio from bringing the Egyptian divine trio of Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead.
Isis, Osiris and Horus had recently been dispatched to the Underworld by Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Phoebe Sears.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was hoping to use Van Helsing’s influence with Aphrodite to use her influence with Zeus to use his influence with his grandson Asclepius not to bring that Egyptian divine trio back from the dead.
Orson Welles’ ghost was on a boat enjoying a plate of spectral Black Sea caviar as Van Helsing approached Aphrodite.
Van Helsing and Aphrodite went to a nearby Venetian restaurant to discuss their plans.
The waiter in the restaurant poured Dracul and Aphrodite glasses of iced water as the pair examined the menu.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman (one of the few heterosexuals in Francis’ Vatican Curia) walked by.
He tapped each one of the glasses of iced water 💦 and turned it into wine 🍷.
“Don’t worry,” the Cardinal smiled, “I am just a volshebnik. I am not Christ.”
Meanwhile back on the boat, the ghost of Orson Welles holding a glass of red wine 🍷 that suddenly turned to iced 🧊 water 💦 watched as the ship The Flying Dutchman sailed into the Venetian harbour.
“Captain Hendrick Van der Decken at your service,” a man wearing the 18th Century maritime uniform of a sea captain for the Dutch East India Company appeared in front of Welles.
. . .
World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab would be speaking to a group of influential businessmen.
Set Enterprises had sent one of their Intelligence Unit secret agents the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka purple bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger to inject a needle 💉 containing truth serum into the buttocks of Klaus Schwab so he would be compelled to tell the truth at some point during his speech.
As Schwab stood up at the podium shooting his mouth off with banal platitudes, he suddenly grimaced but then went on.
Said Schwab, “Adolf Hitler said it by railway loudspeaker to the Jews leaving by train to the camps of Auschwitz, Buchenwald and Dachau almost a century ago and I will say it again, “You vill own nothing and you vill be happy.” Oh kacke scheisse, I can’t believe I just said that.”
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Saturday night podcast.
Noted Renfield, “Earlier today I got an invitation on Facebook from a group calling itself Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin a group whose motto is Justin Trudeau is The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread 🥖 🍞. I googled the group and I’d have to say the photo of the group Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin looks a lot like The Rocky Horror Picture Show but with a lot uglier looking transvestites. I messaged them back saying Thanks but no thanks. I also pointed out that Justin Trudeau is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. He’s the greatest thing since castration.”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday June 3rd
2023.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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