Birthday
Birthday
His birthday fell on U.S. Thanksgiving this year.
And he was Canadian.
So his birthday would be being marked south of the border.
Rita Hayworth was his favourite actress.
Although he had daydreamed about her, she had never appeared in any of his dreams as he slept.
Possibly the new year of his life was off to a good start as he had dreamed about her in the early morning.
In his dream, he had been a detective.
And he had been called in with his cousins to solve a mystery of a rock music band who had mysteriously disappeared on his uncle’s farm.
And Rita Hayworth was his assistant who helped him solve the mystery.
Or at least he assumed he had solved the mystery.
He woke up just as he dreamed he was kissing her.
But still that was off to a good start.
Usually he always woke up before he got the chance to kiss any beautiful woman who appeared in his dream.
He walked outside to shovel the snow.
As a great deal of snow had fallen over night.
As he walked down the steps of the house where he rented a basement room, he noticed rabbit tracks in the snow around the front yard.
That was always a good sign for a new year of life.
As rabbits always made him think of his father who had been born in the Chinese zodiac year of the Rabbit.
. . .
Xi Jinping the paramount leader of China wondered who this mysterious Mr. Inn Lu was in Sydney Australia who was hiding a PRC (People’s Republic of China) Ministry of State Security intelligence defector named Wang in one of his Sydney safe houses.
Wang defected with the help of another Ministry of State Security operative the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (granddaughter of Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh).
Ho herself then went and defected to Taiwan.
Xi tried to get ahold of another Ministry of State Security official the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu to try to track down both defectors.
But she didn’t seem to be answering her Huawei smart phone.
. . .
“Well, Mei-ling,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his vampiress friend from Beijing, “What have you come to tell me?”.
“Well,” Mei-ling licked her vampiress incisors with her tongue, “I’ve decided to overthrow China’s megalomaniac totalitarian despot Xi Jinping and make myself Empress of China.”
“An excellent idea,” Renfield sipped his brandy, “what can I do to help?”.
. . .
Inside a time tunnel in a mountain hideout, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was about to set out with her companion:
“Well, Dracul,” she asked Van Helsing, “are you ready to begin our mission?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 28th
2019.
Benjamin Netanyahu, Spitsbergen and The Tewkesbury Debate
Benjamin Netanyahu, Spitsbergen and The Tewkesbury Debate
The debate being hosted tonight among candidates for MP for the constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds in the upcoming December 12th UK General Election was on the subject of Foreign Policy.
Renfield R. Renfield the current British Transhumanist Party MP for the Constituency as well as the current UK Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering was asked a question by the reporter for the local Lux Cream and Bagel Chronicle on the matter of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today being formally charged by Israel’s Attorney-General with fraud, breach of trust and bribery.
Said the corned beef on rye eating reporter for the Lux Cream and Bagel Chronicle, “Mr. Netanyahu has described the charges as a “political witch hunt” and has said that the “authorities weren’t after the truth, they were after me” and has called on the country to “investigate the investigators”. Mr. Renfield, what is your take on that?”.
“Well,” Renfield finished off his 2nd 40 oz. bottle of Scotch whisky for the debate, “If I was Donald Trump’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani, I’d be advising the Donald to sue Netanyahu for plagiarism and expropriation of one’s favourite turn of phrase x 3.”
The next question came from the reporter for the local Undrained Swamp Times and was addressed to British Conservative candidate (and former Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds MP) Agathor Christie, “Mr. Christie, at today’s impeachment hearing in Washington DC, there seemed to be a conflict between Republican and Democrat as to which country most likely interfered in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election- Russia or Ukraine. Mr. Christie, who do you think it was that interfered in the U.S. election in 2016?”.
“Well,” Christie was eating a bag full of Christie’s Chocolate Chip Cookies, “I personally believe that it was the Norwegian island of Spitsbergen that was responsible for foreign interference in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election. The hacking was done at computers at a popular jazz cafe on the island of Spitsbergen. This jazz cafe in Spitsbergen was first mentioned in a documentary that Orson Welles made back in 1973. The very same jazz cafe that was noted artist Pablo Picasso’s favourite destination during the winter months of the year…”
Christie was unable to finish his answer because he then passed out on to the floor.
“Well,” Renfield thought to himself, “we now know who was responsible for stealing and smoking that 20 gram bag of Canadian cannabis from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s aquarium.”
There suddenly seemed to be a commotion in the meeting hall.
Renfield wondered whether an assassination attempt was about to happen.
Prior to the debate, Sherrielock Holmes the Chief of Security for Set Enterprises had informed Renfield that 3 different assassination teams would be after him tonight.
Russian President Vladimir Putin had sent an FSB assassination squad to bump Renfield off.
Donald Trump had sent a combined Israeli Mossad and Saudi Arabian hit squad (namely because he couldn’t trust U.S. deep state agency operatives to do his bidding) to bump Renfield off.
Pope Francis had sent a Jesuit hit squad to bump Renfield off.
Thus the meeting hall was stacked with Set Enterprises’ operatives and intelligence agents friendly to Renfield.
There was Set Enterprises secret agents Miranda Singh and Harvey Tallbanger, Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and South African intelligence operative Lepardia Marango.
South African intelligence operative Lepardia Marango: Backstage at the Tewkesbury constituency debate on Foreign Policy.
The four Renfield allied intelligence operatives moved quickly into action.
The light switches were hit.
The hall went dark.
And the 3 different assassination hit squad members ended up shooting and killing one another.
Renfield then invited his 4 intelligence operatives friends back to his B and B for late night tea and crumpets.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 21st
2019.
Allatallahbel Tries To Make A Vamp Out of A Cardinal
Allatallahbel Tries To Make A Vamp Out of A Cardinal
The Vampiress Allatallahbel sat at the edge of one of the old lion cheering fan stands in the Roman Colosseum.
A Vatican Cardinal named Samhain Cardinal Salaman approached Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.
“I got your message for me to be here, your Sinisterness,” Cardinal Salaman addressed the vampiress priestess.
“Nice of you to come, your Eminence,” the vampiress bit him on the neck and drained him of almost all his blood.
She then walked away.
Lenora the Dragon Warrioress Princess of Lemuria entered the colosseum with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“Was that not the statue of the god Moloch at the entrance to the colosseum?” Lenora asked Van Helsing.
“It was,” Van Helsing nodded, “That god of the ancient Canaanites, Phoenicians and Carthaginians on prominent display at the colosseum must have the Roman general Scipio Africanus rolling over in his grave.”
“So Dr. Cadbury Rocher text messaged you that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of something awful happening to one of the few non-homosexual predatory and pedophile Vatican Cardinals here?” Lenora queried.
“That is correct,” Van Helsing answered.
“Well there appears to be someone dressed in Cardinal’s robes lying on one of the steps there,” Lenora ran over to the man.
Van Helsing joined her and felt the Cardinal’s pulse.
He also noticed the vampiric bite on the Cardinal’s neck.
The vampire hunter called an ambulance.
Paramedics and ambulance soon arrived on the scene and rushed Samhain Cardinal Salaman to hospital.
“Do you think he’ll live?” Lenora asked.
“I hope so,” Van Helsing replied.
Vampire hunter and Dragon Warrioress Princess returned to their hotel and dressed for a concert in Rome.
The performer at the concert was Lenora herself who played pieces by Bach, Handel and Vivaldi on her violin.
“What beautiful music that instrument makes,” the Australian Ambassador to Italy remarked to his wife, “It certainly sounds a lot better than that Ernievarius that violin made out of rubber tires that some character called Uncle Ernie played in concert with the Sydney Philharmonic Orchestra back home.”
“Still I must admit it was hilariously funny watching that Uncle Ernie get arrested live on stage by Sydney Police during the second act for his improper conduct that he conducted in the orchestra pit during intermission,” his wife noted.
“That,” the Ambassador agreed, “was hilariously funny.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 17th
2019.
Qonzilqointec, Santa Muerte, Don Quixote and Pachamama Mark Guy Fawkes Day In Mexico
Qonzilqointec, Santa Muerte, Don Quixote and Pachamama Mark Guy Fawkes Day In Mexico
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had flown back to Mexico accompanied by Dracul Van Helsing upon hearing the news that 9 members of an American Mormon family- 3 women and 6 children- were killed in an attack by suspected drug cartel gunmen in northern Mexico.
Their burnt out SUV was found by the side of the road with the remains of some victims found inside.
They were most likely targeted as a result of mistaken identity.
Sonora state in northern Mexico is being fought over by two rival gangs La Linea (with links to the larger Juarez cartel) and Los Chapos (which is part of the larger Sinaloa cartel).
Being an equal opportunity beheader when it came to dealing with drug gang members, Qonzilqointec started beheading members of both gangs when she arrived in Sonora state.
She was assisted in the beheading by Van Helsing.
Just before their heads were lopped off, most of the drug hoodlums started snivelling and whining that this wasn’t what they had signed up for when they decided to join the gangs.
They were expecting a life of sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll and wild parties not being beheaded.
“Well, life’s a bitch and then you die,” Van Helsing remarked unsympathetically as he lopped off yet another whining drug hoodlum’s head.
Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec were soon joined in their beheading of the drug dealing hooligans by a man dressed as a medieval Spanish knight.
After over a thousand hooligans had lost their heads and the trio decided to call it a night, the Spanish knight rode off on his horse.
“Who was that unmasked man wearing the gold coloured sombrero of an old time Spanish singing barber?” Van Helsing asked Qonzilqointec.
“Well, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was a younger looking version of Cervantes’ Don Quixote,” the Aztec vampire princess answered.
. . .
Santa Muerte the patron saint of drug dealers was sitting in a rural Mexican cantina looking depressed because quite a number of his worshippers had died the past few days after being beheaded by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
Santa Muerte was depicted in his statues as a female saint but was really Samael the ancient angel of death (mentioned in the Talmud) in drag.
He had been living in Mexico since the 1930s and had been a transgendered fallen angel for almost as long.
“I’ve got a lot to complain about,” Santa Muerte wept in his tequila.
“You’ve got a lot to complain about?” Pachamama the ancient Inca Mother Earth goddess who was sitting over at the next table hit him over the head with her high-heeled shoes, “I’ve got something to complain about. Back on Monday October 20th during the Pan-Amazonia synod in Rome a group of Catholic men entered a Catholic Church where my statues were displayed and took them out and threw them into the Tiber River. Then just this past Sunday November 3rd
the Rev. Father Hugo Valdemar Romero Canon of the Cathedral in Mexico City and the official Spokesman for the Archdiocese of Mexico burned 3 cardboard effigies of me in a public ceremony in front of Our Lady of Guadalupe Church in Mexico City.”
“Well, look at the bright side,” Santa Muerte polished his 1930s era glass spectacles with a cloth, “he missed Guy Fawkes Day by two days. He obviously didn’t remember the 5th of November. And I don’t imagine Canon Valdemar will ever be awarded a Cardinal’s hat by Pope Francis.”
Pachamama was not pleased by Santa Muerte’s words of consolation.
She poured tequila all over his skull head and then set fire to it.
Santa Muerte cried, “The last thing I wanted to do was spend Guy Fawkes Day looking like Nicolas Cage in the 2007 film Ghost Rider.”
He ran up to the bar and poured a pitcher of ice water over his head.
. . .
Señorita Adriana was sitting beside a carved stone depiction of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl.
She held a red rose in her hands.
The rose had been given her by a man who had been the epitome of charm.
But the man was really Quetzalcoatl who had shapeshifted into human form.
The “man” had told her to wait for him by the carved image of Quetzalcoatl.
The feathered serpent arrived on the scene with a obsidian knife to cut her heart out.
Señorita Adriana screamed.
A man dressed as a medieval Spanish knight and wearing a golden coloured sombrero arrived on the scene and stabbed the feathered serpent with his lance.
“Waaaaah!” Quetzalcoatl cried.
“But it’s only a flesh wound,” Don Quixote pointed out.
“I haven’t had worse,” Quetzalcoatl sobbed as he ran down the street.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 5th
2019.
Qonzilqointec of The Catacombs
Qonzilqointec of The Catacombs
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in the catacombs of Rome.
After having spent Dias de los Muertos down in Mexico, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had flown from Mexico City to Rome on a mission for Set Enterprises and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Set was anxious to get his hands on the recently signed Pact of the Catacombs that was signed down in the catacombs by various cardinals, bishops and priests at last month’s Pan-Amazonia Synod.
Set feared that in that pact was an alliance treaty signed between his arch-enemy, brother and brother-in-law the Egyptian god Osiris and Pachamama the ancient Inca Mother Earth goddess.
Therefore Set wanted to discover whether talk of an Osiris-Pachamama alliance was in fact true.
So he had talked Qonzilqointec and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing into searching the catacombs to find a copy of the pact which according to one of Set’s sources inside the Vatican was hidden inside one of the catacomb walls.
Qonzilqointec stood at one of the catacomb entrances waiting for Dracul Van Helsing to catch up:
“Are you coming?” She asked him.
“I am most definitely coming,” Dracul answered as he looked at her.
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” she threw back her hair and laughed.
“I think in the catacombs, we are somewhat below gutter level aren’t we?” Dracul pointed out.
“That’s no excuse,” she shook her head.
They heard a clop! clop! clop! coming from one of the catacombs.
Then a peculiar voice that sounded like neighing and then singing, “Mr. Ed the Talking Horse! Of course! Of course!”.
Aztec vampiress and Canadian vampire hunter looked and there was a headless horseman (wearing a jack o’ lantern pumpkin for a head) riding a black horse.
A black horse that was wearing tap dancing shoes as it clopped along.
“Excuse me,” Van Helsing asked politely, “but do you know where a copy of the recently signed Pact of the Catacombs might be hidden in the catacomb walls?”.
“Well,” the Headless Horseman blew his carved out pumpkin nose with his handkerchief (a very tricky feat), “I was told by the Pope’s personal Monsignor Master of Ceremonies that a copy of the pact was hid in that wall down there.”
The headless horseman pointed.
“Thanks very much,” Van Helsing smiled.
“No problem,” the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow doffed his hat off his pumpkin head.
As the Headless Horseman’s horse trotted off towards the catacomb entrance with his headless rider, the horse sang his own paraphrased version of an old Charlie Rich song, “Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful mare in the world? And if you did, was she sneezing, sneezing?…”
A song that the horse Bucephalus Reborn sang in tribute to a long lost love of his who had a terrible allergy to hay.
“Got it,” Qonzilqointec grabbed the scroll from the wall.
She unrolled it.
“It appears Set’s worst fears are true,” she noted as she read it.
“I’ll text message him right now,” Van Helsing pulled out his smart phone and proceeded to do just that.
“Well, I suppose we better head back to London,” Qonzilqointec suggested.
“What’s the rush?” Van Helsing looked around, “I wonder what it’s like to make out in the catacombs?”.
Qonzilqointec approached him, “Are you asking me to make out with you in the catacombs?”.
“I am,” Van Helsing answered.
Later as Pope Francis was taking an evening stroll through the catacombs, he got the shock of his life.
“Great life force of the Amazon!” The pontiff exclaimed.
Being used to the confines of the Vatican, he wasn’t used to the sight of two people of the opposite sex making out with one another.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 3rd
2019.
Boris Johnson, Benjamin Netanyahu and The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec
Boris Johnson, Benjamin Netanyahu and The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson had to return to the Westminster House of Commons today after Britain’s Supreme Court ruled yesterday that his proroguing Parliament for 5 weeks was illegal.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield the United Kingdom’s Deputy Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering (and therefore a member of Johnson’s cabinet) was giving his friend Amadeus Emanon a run down of today’s parliamentary brawls and name calling.
“The Opposition needless to say,” but Renfield said it anyway, “acted like so much braying asses. It seemed that Labour MPs, Liberal Democratic MPs and Scottish Nationalist Party MPs were having a contest to see who could do the best facial impersonation of Swedish teen climate activist Grumpy Greta Thunberg. Simon Cowell would have had a hard time trying to judge a winner. Labour MPs were trying to outdo U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden in showing signs of advanced senility. The Scottish Nationalist Party showed why Scottish independence was so overwhelmingly rejected in the 2014 referendum as the Scots no doubt didn’t want this gang of bozos to be the leaders of their independent nation. The British Liberal Democrats looked like walking advertisements for the Before pictures in posters for an Enema Relief Medical Clinic. It made one wish this was the Taiwanese Parliament where one could use one’s fists and knock the living daylights out of one’s opponents.”
. . .
Meanwhile in Israel, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was having a telephone conversation with his most ardent supporter in the deep state of the Mossad intelligence service the operative known as Star of Azazel.
“Now that the country’s President Reuvin Rivlin has asked me to stay on as Prime Minister and given me first shot at trying to form a coalition government in the state,” Netanyahu drank a glass of wine in celebration, “I hope you will proceed to do everything possible in ensuring that certain external circumstances outside the country will emerge in such a way as to get other parties to support me when Israel is faced with such a dire external threat.”
Star of Azazel put aside the book of Kabbalistic black magic wizardry and sorcery he had been reading when Netanyahu called and looked at his guests Ares the Greek god of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war who were in his living room.
“We’re working on that, Mr. Prime Minister,” Star of Azazel said before ending the phone call.
Azazel looked at Morrigan who was the most intelligent of the three deities present in the room.
“I’m sure more drones can be sent flying into Saudi Aramco oil refineries,” Morrigan smiled as she smoothed her dress, “and plenty of our agents in Foreign Affairs Ministries and Departments throughout the world can point fingers at Iran.”
Star of Azazel smiled and drank a toast, “Mazel Tov.”
. . .
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec did an Irish jig when she completed dressing prior to going down to the UN General Assembly to give a speech on Climate Change.
“Global warming will definitely hit the UN tonight,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing said when he saw what she was wearing.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 25th
2019.
Britain’s Supreme Court Rules Suspending Parliament Was Unlawful
Britain’s Supreme Court Rules Suspending Parliament Was Unlawful
“Back in the 1970s,” British MP
Renfield R. Renfield told the BBC News Interviewer, “Mr. Justice William Morrow the first Chief Justice of Canada’s Northwest Territories said the end of Western Civilization would be brought about not by student protestors or the actions of foreign powers but by imbeciles sitting as judges on the benches of court rooms everywhere.
History has shown Chief Justice Morrow to be a 100% prophet. What alarmed Chief Justice Morrow was what he considered the vast number of imbeciles who were teaching as professors in various law faculties at universities all across Canada back in the 1970s. He said their erroneous ideas which would overthrow 1500 years of legal traditions and precedents in the Western world would be passed on to their students who would become lawyers and eventually become judges. This has now become the norm in Canada. A judge somewhere making a stupid decision is no longer news. It’s a judge who makes a sensible decision that’s now considered news. So of course there aren’t many real news stories emerging from the Canadian judiciary these days. But what was happening in Canada at the time was also happening in the U.S. and the United Kingdom. So the Age of Imbecility now reigns supreme in the judiciary of all 3 of these nations. Any appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court that does not meet with the approval of Wiccan airhead Alyssa Milano and her fellow Wiccan airheads across America is immediately accused of sexual harassment. And as for stupidity in the UK Judicial system, that can be seen by today’s ruling by Britain’s Supreme Court. On the plus side at least judges are showing what they truly are. The fact that Britain’s Supreme Court President Lady Hale chose to read the court’s judgement while wearing a giant diamond spider brooch on her lapel was at least honest. Poison is now falling across the land.”
. . .
After a day speaking and meeting with people at the UN General Assembly, Donald Trump decided to relax by spending time in an NYC karaoke bar.
Standing on stage was some long haired and bearded type who looked like he could easily fit into the band ZZ Top.
The man began singing an old John Denver song,
“High Calypso the places you’ve been to,
The things that you’ve shown us,
The stories you tell,
High Calypso, I sing to your spirit,
The men who have served you so long and so well…”
Donald Trump asked his secret service detail, “Who is this guy? He smells of marijuana smoke.”
“I believe he’s a sheriff from some place up in Canada called Calypso’s Bosom,” one of Trump’s secret service bodyguards answered.
“And is this the Calypso he’s singing about?” Trump’s tongue started hanging out and drooling, “Some woman’s bosom? I’d like to go to the places she’s been to as well. And also see the things that she’s shown the men who have served her so long and so well.”
“I believe the Calypso was the research ship for French undersea explorer Jacques Cousteau,” replied another member of Trump’s secret service detail who looked a lot like Detective Dietrich from the TV show Barney Miller.
“Oh,” Trump looked disappointed.
The sheriff of Calypso’s Bosom was carried off stage while ranting about free speech, Charles Laughton and the many breasts to be found on the statue of Diana of the Ephesians.
“What’s he doing down here in the U.S. anyways?” Trump asked his secret service bodyguard who looked a lot like KAOS agent Siegfried from the TV show Get Smart.
“I believe Justin Trudeau sent him down here on an important matter of Canadian national security,” the Siegfriedish bodyguard answered.
“Did anybody here get the licence plate of that ET gray’s space ship?” The Sheriff of Calypso’s Bosom asked as he was carried off on a stretcher.
“That makes perfect sense,” Trump nodded.
. . .
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was walking through New York City’s Central Park when he came across the Chinese vampiress secret agent Mei-ling Manchu who had been tied to a tree by Cthulhu the Great Old One who was currently in New York City contemplating a run for the U.S. Presidency.
“I hope I’m not interrupting the filming of some new type of reality TV show scheduled for the family viewing time slot,” Dracul remarked as he untied her.
“Are you the vampire hunter who’s into tantric sex?” Mei-ling asked after she was untied.
“I am,” Dracul answered.
“Take me now,” Mei-ling said as she threw Dracul back on a pile of autumn leaves and mounted him.
Rudy Giuliani dropped the legal brief he was reading when he walked by and saw what was happening.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 24th
2019.
Artemis In New York City
Artemis In New York City
The Greek goddess Artemis was renting a rustic looking room in a quaint old apartment building in New York City for the opening week of the U.N. General-Assembly as leaders from all over the world came to the Big Apple and the UN to throw the bull.
The Greek goddess Artemis looked out the window as a haggard looking descendant of the original Minotaur was walking the streets of New York City towards the UN building where he would be thrown around the podium by world leaders.
“Poor bull,” Artemis said to herself.
On the TV in Artemis’ room was the image of Donald Trump appearing on the screen telling the media that he had never said or done anything underhanded in his telephone conversations with Ukraine’s President.
“And there’s the biggest offender of them all,” Artemis said aloud.
The Greek goddess of the hunt was in New York City to try to prevent her brother Ares from using the General Assembly proceedings as a staging ground to get world powers to wage war against Iran.
In this matter of wanting to start a widespread global war, Ares had for his allies Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.
Morrigan had already managed to convince German Chancellor Angela Merkel, French President Emmanuel Macron and British Prime Minister Boris Johnson that Iran was responsible for the recent drone attacks on Saudi Arabia’s biggest oil facility.
Renfield R. Renfield who was Britain’s Deputy Foreign Secretary in Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering had tried to argue in a video teleconferencing call with the 3 leaders that the matter must be looked at with sober second thought.
However Morrigan managed to spike Renfield’s lemonade (that he was drinking during the video teleconferencing call) with a lethal brand of Shannon River moonshine that was slipped into Renfield’s lemonade by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.
Therefore a most definitely not sober Renfield was unable to convince the 3 leaders to look at the whole Aramco oil refinery attack with sober second thought.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the apartment.
The vampire hunter was Artemis’ ally in trying to upset the plans of Ares this week.
Artemis and Dracul decided to test out the springs of the mattress on the bed in the apartment.
Zeus had lightning bolts come out of his head when he looked through the window and saw what his daughter was up to with the extremely James Bondish 007 vampire hunter.
. . .
Village of Calypso’s Bosom Sheriff Stonewalled Jackman who was on a top secret mission for Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (although he had currently forgotten what that mission was) was walking through the UN building carrying several packages of Australian Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day.
He was stopped and invited to speak at a Conference On Climate Change by a UN official who thought the long-haired hippy looking Sheriff was one of the guest speakers.
Thinking they were candies, the UN official passed out the packages of chemicals to youthful Climate Change activists at the session.
Later on CNN that night, a CNN interviewer was interviewing Swedish teen climate change activist Greta Thunberg via livestream between New York and the newsroom in Atlanta when 3 minutes into the interview, the CNN newsroom director signalled that the livestream be brought to a screeching halt.
“Due to technical difficulties beyond our control, we are unable to continue with the rest of the interview,” the CNN anchorwoman informed the TV audience.
. . .
Meanwhile the South Pacific supernatural entity Cthulhu the Great Old One was meeting with Mammon the ancient Babylonian demon god of banking and commerce in the latter’s Manhattan penthouse apartment suite.
Mammon showed Cthulhu the posters he had printed up that Cthulhu had requested.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 23rd
2019.
Qonzilqointec, The Federal Reserve and Ho Babylon Minh
Qonzilqointec, The Federal Reserve and Ho Babylon Minh
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec took a selfie of herself prior to going out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to meet British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the Irish border leprechaun Yaldabaoth, the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist MEP the Kraken Napoloeon VI and his ex-Gorgon wife Medusa to find a possible solution to the Brexit crisis involving the Irish backstop.
Qonzilqointec’s spiritual godfather the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl had offered to intervene as a mediator in the dispute between Britain and the EU.
Britain’s NHS (National Health Service) had informed Mr. Johnson however that the NHS was not able to give Mr. Quetzalcoatl the amount of living human hearts he required as payment for his mediation services.
Meanwhile the American news media was full of the story that Donald Trump had asked the government of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden’s son Hunter for corruption.
As the American news media were busy wringing their hands over this, Amadeus Emanon the musician and singer who was employed as personal concert pianist to the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was more concerned about a small news story that had appeared in the Wall Street Journal today – a story that was taken down off its news website a few hours later although it could still be found if one used a search engine to search for it but unless people knew that the story was out there, they most likely would not search for it.
The story was the Federal Reserve Bank of New York was offering to add at least $75 billion daily to the financial system until October 10th to ensure the liquidity of the financial system.
The Wall Street Journal added that the Fed will conduct further operations as needed after October 10th.
Amadeus could have asked his employer Set about the matter but the Egyptian god of night and the desert was currently on a vision quest and attending a Cree First Nation sweat lodge ceremony at Elk Island National Park in the Canadian province of Alberta.
So Amadeus went to ask his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield the Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering instead.
“Wasn’t the Fed doing something similar to this before the global financial crisis of 2008?” Amadeus asked.
“It was,” Renfield admitted.
“God,” Amadeus turned pale, “I wish you had broken it to me gently in answering this question.”
“Well I’m sorry,” said Renfield, “but I haven’t been in politics as long as Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau have in order to come up with real whoppers to shield people from unpleasant truth and reality.”
Mammon, the ancient Babylonian god of banking and commerce and patron demon of wealthy elitist oligarchs, isn’t too concerned about the impact that another global financial crisis might have on average folks and those who are struggling below the poverty level
Meanwhile in Australia, a notorious Australian misfit known to all as Uncle Ernie had (because he was stoned out of his mind) walked into the ladies’ washroom of a prestigious restaurant in Sydney’s Chinatown where he encountered the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh who was currently working for the Chinese Communist government in Beijing:
“Jesus!” exclaimed Uncle Ernie, “I need to get my hands on some Viagra quick!”.
He then passed out.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday September 20th
2019.
Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken
Norse Goddess Freya, Dracul Van Helsing, Boris Johnson and The Kraken
The Norse goddess Freya was on the phone talking to Dracul Van Helsing
“Did you see that empty podium next to the Prime Minister of Luxembourg Xavier Bettel at what was supposed to be the press conference between him and Boris Johnson discussing Brexit?”
“And Dracul, you say the reason Johnson avoided the press conference was because the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist MEP The Kraken Napoleon VI had a two for the price of one Buffet coupon that was about to expire in another hour and the Kraken had invited Johnson for lunch?”
“Sure, do come over to my place, Dracul.”
“I’m always up for tantric sex, anytime, anywhere.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 16th
2019.
