Peter Whitstable: On The Trail of Demon Possessed Dogs In The English Countryside

July 15, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Peter Whitstable: On The Trail of Demon Possessed Dogs In The English Countryside

British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked after watching Infowars Conspiracy Theorist Alex Jones on YouTube on his laptop, “This Alex Jones is an idiot for calling New York’s 14th Congressional District Democratic Party nominee Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a Communist. The man doesn’t seem to know the difference between a Communist and a Eurosocialist.”

“And then of course,” Amadeus Emanon remarked in reply, “There’s British television interviewer Piers Morgan who’s an idiot for not knowing that journalist Ash Sarkar is a Communist when everyone else in Britain knows that Ash Sarkar is a self admitted Communist.”

“That was pretty funny,” Renfield smiled, “when pompous Piers said to her “You talk like a Communist” and Ash replied, “I am a Communist, you idiot.” “

. . .

Vladimir Putin lay down to rest.

Today he awarded the 2018 FIFA World Cup to France 🇫🇷.

Tomorrow he’d be meeting America’s Twitterer-In-Chief Donald Trump.

As Putin lay on his pillow, a raven flew in through the window and cried, “Beware the Lobsters of July!
Beware the Lobsters of July!”.

A bust of Pallas Athena fell off his bedroom writing table.

And a leather bound old volume copy of The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe fell off his book shelf.

The raven turned and flew out the window.

“What the Hell,” Putin wondered, “does that mean?”.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was trekking through the English countryside.

A pair of demonically possessed dogs were running loose.

They had escaped after an exorcism attempt was performed on them by the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church.

They had then tried to attack U. S. President Donald Trump at a statue unveiling outside The Trump Arms Pub in London.

And now they were running lose in the English countryside creating chaos and havoc.

Eating sheep 🐑 and then regurgitating goats 🐐.

One of the demon possessed dogs used to be a Dachshund named Bashful.

He had now turned into a giant spectral wolfhound who was the Hound of The Baskervilles Reincarnated.

The other demon possessed dog was a Welsh corgi named Friendly.

He had since turned into a dog with the body of a Saint Bernard but he now had 3 heads- the head of a Rottweiler, the head of a Bassett hound and the head of a chihuahua.

Whitstable stumbled onto an English country pub.

He decided to go inside and ask them if they had seen the demon possessed dogs who were somewhat recognizable in appearance.

When he came through the door, he noticed to his surprise the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith sitting on a chair at the end of the bar.

“Good evening, Mr. Whitstable,” she smiled her sweet Vampiric incisors at him, “Can you tell me where your friend Dracul Van Helsing is?”.

“What do you want with Van Helsing?” Whitstable asked.

At that moment, a copy of the Kama Sutra fell off one of the pub book shelves.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 15th
2018.

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Reblog- Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec and The Roswell UFO Crash

July 8, 2018 at 10:18 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in mourning for the victims of the Roswell crash

A vampire novel chapter I posted a year ago yesterday on the 70th Anniversary of the Roswell crash- a crash that UFO 🛸 enthusiasts believe was of an extraterrestrial 👽 spacecraft that contained the bodies of ET grays.

Dracul Van Helsing

Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

French UFO researcher Jacques Vallee was sipping cognac and reflecting on how it was 70 years ago today that a UFO flying saucer was said to have crashed on a ranch near the town of Roswell New Mexico.

Later the crashed vehicle was said to be just a downed weather balloon.

Although others had speculated that the crashed vehicle was a self-conscious self-aware Hoover vacuum cleaner that had a premonitory vision of the message implied in Richard Bach’s 1970s bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Vallee didn’t know what to think about the incident.

ET better phone the nearest American Automobile Association Auto Club, was that what happened ? Vallee wondered.

His housekeeper entered the room to tell Vallee about two phone calls for him.

Mikhail Gorbachev was on Line 1 and Pope Francis was on Line 2.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister…

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: The Beginning of Donald Trump’s Downfall?

June 29, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: The Beginning of Donald Trump’s Downfall?

British MP Renfield R. Renfield sat riveted to the TV as he watched New York’s 14th Congressional District Democratic Primary winner Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez appear on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

This past Tuesday June 26th 2018, Miss Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had defeated 10 term Democratic Congressman and the district’s incumbent the House of Representatives Democratic Caucus Chair Joseph Crowley in the biggest upset victory in the 2018 U.S. Mid-Term election.

She defeated Mr. Crowley by a margin of 57% to 42%.

The district (which is made up of Queens and the Bronx) if it decides to elect Miss Ocasio-Cortez next November will be sending to Washington the youngest Congresswoman in U.S. history (she is only 28).

Renfield sighed as he saw her appear on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

“I imagine,” Renfield said as he looked at her with the intensity of Romeo when he first saw Juliet, “that if Donald Trump ever tweets about her, he’ll have a hard on as he’s doing so.”

Amadeus Emanon who was about to eat a baby carrot 🥕 from his salad 🥗 put it down after Renfield made this remark.

“Well,” Amadeus winced, “I don’t often lose my appetite but your comment about Donald Trump having a hard on while he’s tweeting and twittering managed to do just that.”

“Sorry,” Renfield apologized.

He knew how much his friend loved food.

“It’s all right,” Amadeus said, “Angelique has been telling me for quite a while now that I should really lose weight.”

The New Orleans songstress and vampiress Angelique Dumont was Amadeus’ girlfriend.

“She may have something there,” Renfield remarked as he had discovered this morning that this was the 29th time in 29 days of June that the bathroom weigh scale had been broken.

“What’s different about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez from her defeated Establishment opponent Rep. Joseph Crowley?” Amadeus asked.

“Well for one thing she’s a democratic socialist,” Renfield helped himself to some Swedish meatballs since Amadeus didn’t seem to be eating them at the moment.

“Isn’t that what the British Labour Party is?” Amadeus thought of Jeremy Corbyn.

“They are,” Renfield now ate some of Amadeus’ black pudding and poached eggs.

“And the New Democratic Party in Canada?” Amadeus queried.

“That’s right,” Renfield now started working on Amadeus’ maple syrup smothered pancakes 🥞 , “although Dracul Van Helsing’s father told him that quite a number of hard line Marxists, Leninists and Trotskyites did enter the party when the old farmer based CCF (Co-operative Commonwealth Federation) merged with the Ontario based CLC (Canadian Labour Congress) to form the NDP (New Democratic Party) back in 1961.”

“Wasn’t Dracul Van Helsing’s father the Provincial Co-ordinator of the Alberta CCF back in the 1950s?” Amadeus asked.

“He was,” Renfield started eating numerous strips of bacon 🥓 off Amadeus’ oversized plate.

“What else does Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stand for?” Amadeus watched Renfield eating what had been his combined breakfast, lunch and dinner plate.

“She supports nationally publicly funded healthcare accessible to all,” Renfield proceeded to eat himself towards a major heart attack and cardiac arrest in the next 5 minutes.

“But we’ve got that in Britain 🇬🇧,” Amadeus pointed out.

“And in most countries of Western Europe and the British Commonwealth including Canada,” Renfield ate Amadeus’ steak and kidney pie 🥧.

“Anything else she stands for?” Amadeus was debating with himself if he should start feeling hungry again.

“Free tuition at public colleges, universities and trade schools,” Renfield devoured the cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches.

“Dracul Van Helsing supports that doesn’t he?” Amadeus asked.

“Yes,” Renfield helped himself to the ketchup smothered macaroni and cheese, “he points out that’s what made Ireland 🇮🇪 the Celtic Tiger economy of the 1990s. Having a vast highly educated young work force as a result of providing free tuition at publicly funded universities and trade schools caused many companies to set up shop in Ireland so they could employ this brilliant young work force crackling with ideas and high productivity.”

“Did they ever try that in Canada?” Amadeus watched the last of the dozen maple syrup covered pancakes 🥞 disappear.

“John Manley the man that Dracul Van Helsing supported for the leadership of the Canadian Federal Liberal Party back in 2003 advocated the idea,” Renfield lumberjacked his way through the Bavarian Black Forest cake, “but unfortunately for Mr. Manley, another leadership candidate called Paul Martin had already sown up over 50% of the delegates even before the leadership convention was called so Manley didn’t even bother running.”

“So this Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who could probably easily be elected Prime Minister of Canada is considered a radical in American politics while Herr Hitler Lite (as opposed to Miller Lite or Coors Lite) aka Donald Trump is considered the great American patriot by the Tea Party which has now become the mainstream of the Republican Party,” Amadeus saw his German apple strudel disappear under the dinner fork 🍴like wand of Renfield the Magician.

“Yes,” Renfield washed his huge meal down with a one litre bottle of brandy.

Amadeus sighed as the Good Plate Amadeus had gone the way of Renfield.

Renfield rewound the video of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s interview on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

He watched enthusiastically again.

He then stood up.

He walked over to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s antique phone in the kitchen.

“I’m going to see if I can get this Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s phone number and offer her some political advice,” Renfield explained as he dialled the number.

“More likely you’re going to try to ask her for a date,” Amadeus sighed.

“Well that too,” Renfield grinned.

“Say,” Amadeus suddenly noticed that Renfield had left him one piece of dessert and also noticed something else, “what’s that huge bulge in the middle of your tight British tweed trousers?”.

“Well,” Renfield’s face started turning red.

“Never mind it just occurred to me,” Amadeus laid aside the giant banana 🍌 that he was about to eat but he had suddenly lost his appetite again.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 29th
2018.

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Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd
2018.

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Cherchez La Femme

June 21, 2018 at 9:52 pm (Detective story, Entertainment, Film, Mystery, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Cherchez La Femme

It would take a long time for the sun to set on Sunset Boulevard tonight
Carson Cody Albion thought to himself
in the midst of cigarette smoke and haze of bourbon
in his Los Angeles private eye’s office
It being the Summer Solstice and all that

Long hours of daylight
The riff raff of the city wouldn’t have so many hours to steal, extort and murder
Bummer for them! Albion thought

Albion had been hired to find a woman
Cherchez la Femme
as the French would say

He’d been told that she only seemed to venture forth at night
by the man who had hired him
The man a Hollywood director intended to give la Femme a screen test

Yeah right!
That’s what they call it these days
Albion laughed to himself
The gumshoe had his office door open to try to keep things cool
Between the hallway fan and the office ceiling fan
Maybe a touch of the Norse frost giants
would help cool down the flames 🔥 of Hades
on this Midsummer Night in Los Angeles

Albion’s ice in his glass had melted
The penalty for drinking straight from the bottle
He reflected
Well he should go see the sun set on this solstice night
before he started hitting the night spots and lounges
where la Femme was said to hang out

Albion locked his office door and walked down the four flights of stairs to the office building lobby
He tipped his fedora to the cleaning lady and walked out into the night

The neon lights hadn’t started to shine yet
As he walked through his sector of the city
They wouldn’t really come on until after the sun had set
Maybe that’s why he preferred California winters to California summers
The temperatures were about the same
maybe slightly cooler by inches of degrees in the winter
but what was missing was the glow of neon at night
in the summer
Neon the blood that seemed to make this city feel alive

It pulsed like the beat of a drum 🥁
and summoned all to partake in the wildness of the night
It was there that this urban jungle became a jungle
The women danced and swayed like tropical 🌴 dancers
and the men sharpened their spears for the time it was necessary
to stab both friend and foe in the back

Albion saw the sun set
He whistled
and the nearest neon light
seemed to answer his call
flickering on like a woman stirring towards orgasm

Speaking of women, it was time to Cherchez la Femme
Several gin joints and several nightclubs later,
he found her
in a midnight blue evening dress

Her brunette hair
The touch of a foreign accent as she introduced her next song into the microphone
Romanian I believe the film director said it was
And when she sang, Albion thought that the moonlight had never serenaded the ocean 🌊 so beautifully
The City of Angels had been touched by an angel
Albion stubbed out his cigarette
and approached her
when she had finished singing her numbers

It was a Los Angeles night in the mid-1940s
Midsummer Night
and Orson Welles wanted him
Carson Cody Albion to locate a woman for a screen test

What Midsummer Night’s Dream did Mr. Welles have in mind,
Albion thought cynically to himself,
after all the man was married to Rita Hayworth?
Wasn’t the Love Goddess enough for him?

But enough of reflecting like Chandler’s Philip Marlowe,
Albion started heading in the woman’s direction
for he didn’t have all eternity to make a connection
La Femme flashed Albion a warm smile as she saw him approach
Her sharp incisors that hung from her top front teeth puzzled the private eye
What manner of woman is this? Albion thought
If Albion knew at the time he asked himself this question
he’d have realized that the woman did have all eternity.

-A private eye poem
written by Christopher
Thursday June 21st
2018

Dracul Van Helsing was in Romania.

He was trying to track down Dracula’s daughter the Countess Draculina on behalf of her father.

The Count since his Cadbury Rocher inspired vampiric resurrection had learned how to use the Internet.

He was trying to track down his daughter.

The only thing he managed to find on the World Wide Web was that his daughter had once done a screen test for Orson Welles back in the 1940s

Now Van Helsing had managed to track her to Romania her ancestral homeland.

He had heard that she had dyed her hair blonde.

He walked over to the window of his room in the old inn in which he was staying.

And watched the sun set on the Carpathian Mountains on this summer solstice evening.

He turned on the television to watch the news hoping to find out the weather.

And there he saw… Countess Draculina.

(Notice her vampiric incisors unless of course your eyes are focused elsewhere for some reason 😉)

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The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore

June 11, 2018 at 10:51 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Black Jaguar and The White Wolf In Singapore

Kim Yo-jong the sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was walking through the streets of Singapore late at night.

A man wearing dark sunglasses 😎 and a red spider monkey fur toupee (surrounded by a group of men in black overcoats also wearing dark sunglasses 🕶 and earphones in their ears) approached her.

The man was turned on by Kim Yo-jong’s tight clinging skirt and exquisite pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes 👠.

“Excuse me, miss, but would you be willing to give me a blow job?” The man with the toupee asked her.

“He’ll gladly pay you $130,000,” the man’s lawyer spoke to Kim Yo-jong via FaceTime on the toupee wearing man’s iPhone that was made in China by Chinese slave labour.

Kim Yo-jong told the toupee wearing man, “Go fuck yourself, you pervert!” and kicked the man in the balls sending him backwards 666 yards.

“She’s assaulted the President! Grab her!” One of the men in black overcoat and wearing dark sunglasses shouted to the others wearing the same.

The men in black overcoats and dark sunglasses simultaneously reached out to grab her.

They likewise found themselves kicked several hundreds of yards away by the North Korean Dragon Sister and had resulting extremely sore testicles as well.

“I’m glad I decided to turn in live to this live Singapore camera street shot on YouTube,” a former DARPA employee remarked to his pet otter over a shared bottle of bourbon after watching the previous martial arts display live.

The otter nodded enthusiastically.

As Kim Yo-jong walked down the street, a white wolf with blue eyes looked protectively at the woman and followed her.

When she returned safely to her hotel, the white wolf then walked several blocks away to another hotel.

He rode the elevator up to the 18th floor of the hotel.

With his right front paw, he then entered a computerized password on the door and the door to the room opened.

Standing there was a black jaguar with golden greenish eyes who emitted a loud hiss at the white wolf with blue eyes.

“Begone Satan!” A female voice said.

The black jaguar turned, saw the woman and vanished.

The woman was the ghost of Rita Hayworth who had been sent from Paradise to Earth on the orders of Saint Michael the Archangel.

As Rita Hayworth sat there in her heavenly white evening dress, the white wolf with blue eyes wagged his tail.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 11th
2018.

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Encore of Dracul, Aphrodite and Ares

May 31, 2018 at 9:14 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote almost a year ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

When Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing returned to his office at MI-6 Diablos Nocturna Division Headquarters, he was surprised to see the Greek goddess Aphrodite sitting there waiting for him.

“Aphrodite,” Dracul said, “What a pleasant surprise. Have you brought more news about Hephaestus?”.

“No,” Aphrodite shook her head, “Hephaestus has given up building missiles for North Korea’s Kim Jong-un. He’s now working on building incredible machines for a steampunk genre sci-fi film about Jack the Ripper escaping down the Thames River in a submarine.”

“I’ll have to see that movie when it comes out,” said Dracul.

“Have you seen the new Wonder Woman film?” Aphrodite asked.

“Not yet,” said Dracul, “but I’d like to. It sounds like an excellent film judging from the reviews. It’s set against the background of the First World War which I’ve recently started studying. The First World War is often overshadowed by World…

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Encore of Lilith, Asmodeus, Kim Jong-un and Aphrodite

May 30, 2018 at 10:07 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, Nature, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago:

Dracul Van Helsing

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith stood on the Mount of Olives overlooking the old city of Jerusalem.

Alongside her was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf Hitler (his spirit was granted a temporary leave of absence from the Underworld by permission of Hades and Persephone and he had entered and possessed the body of a grey wolf).

Lilith had found the grey wolf wandering the streets of Kiev, Ukraine (where she was currently living) and had adopted the creature as her pet.

She brought him with her to the Holy Land.

“Someday,” Lilith bragged to the grey wolf, “we shall rid this land of all the Jews.”

“Sounds like a splendid idea to me,” the lupine former Fuhrer wagged his tail.

Meanwhile in France, the demon Asmodeus was visiting the village of Rennes-le-Chateau and more specifically the Church of Saint Mary Magdalene.

He had heard that there was a…

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Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

May 1, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, love, Movies, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, videos) (, , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

The Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was walking through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.

The reason being that she heard the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos used Sherwood Forest for target 🎯 practice for his archery 🏹 skills firing his arrow and crossbow at deer 🦌 hunters and various animal poachers.

She had always wanted to meet this famous Celtic god.

Thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, she was now able to walk around in the daylight without being quite literally fried to a crisp.

Somewhat tired from walking, Morgana sat down on an old leaf 🍃 clustered tree stump:

https://pin.it/lloi6gtopglhcg

Dracul Van Helsing (also walking through the forest) spotted her and took note of what she was wearing.

“Hello, Morgana,” he smiled, “how are you?”.

“Dracul,” Morgana flashed him a warm smile and raised the hem of her already short skirt, “what are you doing here?”.

“I’m walking through Sherwood Forest contemplating that this was the spot where Robin Hood used to make out with Maid Marian,” Dracul stated.

Morgana lay back on the soft clustered leaves 🍃 and held out her arms to embrace Dracul, “And should I be your Marian to your Robin?”.

Dracul mounted her, “We’ll show Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland how it was done.”

As Dracul and Morgana made out in Sherwood Forest in an orgiastic celebration of May Day (known as the Festival of Beltane on the old Celtic calendar), a voyeuristically inclined photographer tried to take shots of the Welsh MP and the Canadian vampire hunter making out.

He found himself being shot himself- by an arrow fired from the crossbow of Cernunnos.

The voyeur paparazzi was killed instantly.

“I’ll probably be dying for a cigarette several hours from now,” Morgana moaned in ecstasy.

. . .

Donald Trump held his hand under his suit vest in Napoleonic fashion and remarked to his valet Lexington “I can’t believe there are some psychiatrists out there who are starting to question my sanity.”

“It definitely boggles the mind, sir,” Lexington admitted, “I know it certainly boggles mine.”

“On the positive side,” Trump took off all his clothes leaving on only a pair of leopard skin briefs and proceeding to swing on the branch of an artificial African jungle tree in the Oval Office, “South Korean President Moon Jae-in thinks I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.”

“And are psychiatrists starting to question Moon Jae-in’s sanity?” Lexington asked.

“I don’t know,” Trump shrugged while still swinging, “And what about you, Lexington? Do YOU think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?”.

“Well, sir,” Lexington remarked, “Seeing as how you received the Stormy Daniels Piece Prize, perhaps it might be a good thing if you went after a more noble peace prize.”

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about singer Demi Lovato.

Before bedtime, he had watched the Demi Lovato and Luis Fonzi music video Echame La Culpa.

He had developed such a hard on after seeing Demi Lovato wearing a red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose that he had to massage his erection down with a sledge hammer.

Little did he realize that this action would save his life.

A group of Japanese ninja assassins who had been hired by Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to assassinate the thorn in their side troublesome British MP watched the spectacle outside Renfield’s bedroom window.

They were so taken aback 😮 by the sight of a man hitting his most sensitive private part that way that they turned and fled and quickly jumped over the high fence of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London estate.

Meanwhile Renfield’s blanket took on the shape of a pole tent ⛺️ as the MP dreamed of Demi Lovato wearing that red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 1st
2018.

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100th Anniversary of Red Baron’s Death: A Haiku

April 21, 2018 at 10:56 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, History, Literature, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

100th Anniversary of Red Baron’s Death: A Haiku

Dr. Cadbury Rocher the great-grandson of Sherrielock Holmes (the immortal leather skirted dominatrix and lesser known twin sister of Sherlock Holmes) had gone to see the gypsy fortune 🔮 teller and spiritist medium Dulcinea Lucia for a seance to contact the spirit of his great grandfather the famous French scientist and World War I RAF flying ace Dr. Louis Rocher who was shot down and killed by the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen 100 years ago yesterday.

And how it was 100 years today that the Red Baron himself was then shot down and killed by a Canadian World War I pilot Captain Roy Brown (although some historians believe it was in fact Charlie Brown’s pet beagle Snoopy).

Dr. Rocher did not tell his immortal great-grandmother Sherrielock Holmes that he was going to speak to her late husband via seance as Miss Holmes considered seances superstitious nonsense.

And even though he was an adult, Sherrielock would definitely not be afraid to take Dr. Cadbury Rocher over her knee and spank him.

The Set Enterprises scientist still vividly remembered the spankings he got from his great grandmother in his childhood and his youth.

A picture of the gypsy spiritist medium Dulcinea Lucia (who was unable to contact either Dr. Louis Rocher or the Red Baron Manfred von Richthofen due to a Russian cyber attack on the Greek Underworld of Hades):

https://pin.it/rbzeqzwsy2uvep

Haiku About The Death of The Red Baron:

It’s true wherever
live by sword you’ll die by sword
on ground or in air

-A vampire novel chapter
and haiku
written by Christopher
Saturday April 21st
2018
The 100th Anniversary
of the Death of the
Red Baron
Manfred von Richthofen

And on the subject of aviation and fighting in the clouds ☁️,
a video of me reading aloud
the William Butler Yeats poem
An Irish Airman Foresees His Death

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