A Day In 186O
Cat Woman and ₱anther Vs. The Vam₱ire
Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Slay Nazi Vam₱ire Franz Kohler
Hera, Dracul and Alexander The Great On Guy Fawkes Day
The Greek goddess Hera in London
Hera in her hotel room in London
All Hallows Eve
It’s All Hallows Eve The night they call Halloween And the Greek goddess Artemis was dressed as a witch
Dracul Van Helsing a₱₱roached her Does it ever get lonely being a goddess he asked her It does, she said, very lonely. And so you’re immortal by drinking ambrosia? Dracul asked. Yes, she answered. Have you ever thought what would ha₱₱en if you sto₱₱ed drinking ambrosia? Dracul wanted to know. I’ve thought about it, Artemis smoothed her skirt, but then I don’t want to think about it. So I won’t sto₱ drinking ambrosia. What do you think would ha₱₱en if you didn’t? I don’t know, she answered, and I don’t want to know. The vam₱ire hunter fell silent as did the goddess. Then Artemis s₱oke, What about you, Dracul? Do you ever get lonely? All the time he answered. I’ve been an outsider all my life And I guess I’ll always be an outsider. And I’ve discovered nobody really cares about outsiders They might be interested in what they have to say Or what they have to write Or what they know But nobody really cares about the outsider himself. And how long have you been an outsider? Artemis asked. I first noticed it in Junior High when the teachers asked questions. And nobody raised their hands. But I knew the answers. So I raised my hand. And gave the answers. Not to be a show off. But to give the answers. And that’s when I noticed the contem₱t. The hatred. Heard the insults. It continued into High School. And a boy in Mr. Gavinchuck’s Grade 12 Social Studies Class asked me, How is it you know all the answers to all the questions he asks? The answer was easy. I watched the news every night. Mr. Gavinchuck asked about current events. But nobody else cared. Mr. Johnson my best teacher in High School And my Grade 1O ₱hiloso₱hy teacher and my Grade 1O ₱olitical Science teacher and my Grade 11 Social Studies teacher and my Grade 12 Sociology teacher His Grade 1O ₱olitical Science class was the very first class in High School I ever took in that very first class lesson ₱eriod on that very first morning of that very first
And the University years.
Lilith The Queen of Astana and The Ghost of Mussolini’s March On Astana
The ancient Babylonian vam₱iress Lilith (usually a redhead) is going out dressed as a blonde Marilyn Monroe in a witch’s outfit for a Saturday night before Halloween ₱arty. Lilith lived on a large estate several miles north of the Kazakhstan ca₱ital of Astana. She had heard the news that the ghosts of Benito Mussolini and his Blackshirts were gathered outside the invisible ghostly s₱ectral walls of Astana with a s₱ectral ghostly wooden black Trojan unicorn ho₱ing to take the city because Mussolini’s ghost had heard from the rumour mill in the Realm of Hades that Astana would become the first ca₱ital of a future One World Government (it would be re₱laced as World Ca₱ital by Jerusalem when the Antichrist arrived.) On this ₱ast Thursday October 27th (the 1OOth anniversary of Mussolini announcing the March On Rome), Mussolini’s ghost announced to his ghostly Blackshirts that he’d be marching on Astana. Yesterday October 28th (on the 1OOth anniversary of Mussolini and his Blackshirts gathering outside the City of Rome), Mussolini’s ghost and the ghosts of his Blackshirts gathered outside the City of Astana. Today October 29th was the 1OOth Anniversary of Italy’s King Victor Emmanuel III caving in to the Rome beseiging Fascists and naming Benito Mussolini ₱rime Minister of Italy. Now Mussolini’s ghost was ho₱ing that the ancient Babylonian vam₱iress Lilith (who was recognized by all ₱reternatural creatures as the Queen of Astana) would name him as the ghostly s₱ectral ₱rime Minister of the City of Astana. Lilith was not one threatened by the likes of a ₱uny little des₱ot like Benito Mussolini. However she thought she’d name Mussolini’s ghost as ghostly s₱ectral ₱rime Minister of the City of Astana as a ₱re-Halloween joke. She was going to fly on her broomstick to the City to break the news to Mussolini’s ghost and the ghosts of his Blackshirts. Just as she was about to do that, Canadian vam₱ire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered her bedroom. She was sur₱rised to see him. Vam₱ire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had been sent to Astana in a Set Enter₱rises’ dirigible to ₱our Holy Water (blessed by ₱o₱e Saint ₱ius X) on the ghosts of Mussolini and his Blackshirts sending them back to the Realm of Tartarus. However Yaldabaoth the Irish Le₱rechaun who was flying the dirigible had a little too much to drink so he landed on Lilith’s estate instead of outside Astana. Dracul noticed Lilith through her bathroom window so naturally he went to see her. Lilith took Dracul over her knee and s₱anked him for tres₱₱asing. They then made wild ₱assionate love afterwards. In the meantime she had sent her owl named Moriah to the City of Astana to deliver the news to Benito Mussolini’s ghost that he was now the new Ghostly S₱ectral ₱rime Minister of the City of Astana Kazakhstan. Later this night in the City of London England, British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was reading by candlelight (because No More Oil ₱rotestors had taken over the nearby ₱ower generating ₱lant and had shut the electricity off) the Set Enter₱rises’ Intelligence re₱ort on tonight’s activities in Kazakhstan. “Damn,” said Renfield, “Thanks to Yaldabaoth’s drunkeness and Dracul’s horniness, the ghosts of Mussolini and his Blackshirts have now taken over the City of Astana Kazakhstan.” -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written by Christo₱her Saturday October 29th 2O22.
Athena and Dracul Make Out Under A Byzantium Moon While Mussolini’s Ghost Continues His March On Astana
The Greek goddess Athena sits ato₱ a Byzantium crescent moon The Greek goddess Athena was sitting ato₱ a Byzantium crescent moon while the ghost of Orson Welles gazed on a₱₱reciativley. “This has to be the loveliest deus ex machina I’ve ever created in a stage ₱roduction,” Welles’ ghost remarked. Canadian vam₱ire hunter Dracul Van Helsing stood below the Byzantium crescent moon gazing u₱ a₱₱reciatively at Athena. The ghost of the Roman Em₱eror (and 1st Byzantine Em₱eror) Constantine the Great walked by and whis₱ered to Dracul, “In hoc signo vinco eris”. Yesterday October 27th would have been the 171Oth anniversary of the sign that a₱₱eared in the sky to Constantine on the evening before the Battle of the Milvian Bridge telling him if he ₱ainted the Chi Rho (the first two letters of Christ’s Name in Greek) on his soldiers’ shields, he’d win the battle and defeat his enemy and rival Maxentius. Athena informed Dracul that the ghosts of Benito Mussolini and his Blackshirts were outside the City of Astana Kazakhstan waiting to take over the city just like 1OO years ago today (on October 28th 1922) the living mortal Benito Mussolini and his living mortal Blackshirts were waiting outside the City of Rome Italy to take over the city. “You’ll have to do something, Dracul,” Athena urged him. “I want to make love to you,” Dracul re₱lied. Athena told Dracul to come u₱ to the crescent moon. Dracul did so. Athena took Dracul Van Helsing over her knee and s₱anked him. As Athena gave Dracul a good sound thorough wallo₱₱ing on his bare buttocks, Dracul’s friend Daniel Hy₱erion was trying to determine what malicious virus or s₱yware or adware had been ₱laced on Dracul’s tablet (making him unable to ty₱e the letter that came after “o” in the al₱habet forcing him to use the symbol ₱ instead of the letter that came after “o” in the al₱habet among other things like his ability to indent and create new ₱aragra₱hs). After an hour Athena had finished totally blistering and tomatoing Dracul’s buns. A lesser man than Dracul Van Helsing would have we₱t. And lesser men usually did. Like Justin Trudeau for exam₱le. (Although Athena wisely had never s₱anked that crybaby but world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the lesser known twin sister of world famous 221 B Baker Street consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) once had to in order to get Justin to end the dictatorial Canadian Federal Emergencies Act back in February of this year). But instead Dracul Van Helsing commented, “God, that s₱anking at the hands of a beautiful goddess such as yourself has made me horny as Hell.” Dracul and Athena immediately went down to the stage floor underneath the Byzantium crescent moon and made wild ₱assionate love to one another. “That wasn’t called for in the scri₱t,” the ₱lay’s director the ghost of Orson Welles started to wee₱. Meanwhile outside the city of Astana Khazakhstan the ghost of Benito Mussolini (backed by the ghosts of his Blackshirts) called u₱on the ghosts inside the city of Astana Khazakstan to surrender. Just then the s₱ectral ghostly image of a s₱ectral wooden (made from the ghostly wood of the sacred oak to Odin/Wotan in Germany that was cut down by Saint Boniface) black Trojan unicorn (as o₱₱osed to a wooden Trojan horse) came outside the invisible s₱ectral gates of the city of Astana. -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written by Christo₱her Friday October 28th 2O22.
Athena At The St. James’ Court Hotel In Lndon
The Greek goddess Athena at the St. James’ Court Hotel in London
The Greek goddess Athena was in London at the St. James’ Court Hotel where she would be attending a Johann Strauss style Viennese ball.
Her date for this evening would be Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
In addition to dancing, they would also be discussing geopolitical affairs as they danced.
When Dracul Van Helsing entered the ballroom, he was confronted by this vision.
As they danced to the music of the Blue Danube, the goddess and the vampire hunter discussed the Russia-Ukraine War and the possibility of nuclear war.
“The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the owner of Set Enterprises here in London has been working behind the scenes to prevent nuclear war,” Dracul explained, “The same cannot be said for Isis, Osiris and their son Horus and their Freemasonic and Neo-Bolshevik Communist allies and the puppet whose strings they pull senile old fool Joe Biden who are all gung ho for nuclear war.”
“I guess they figure it’s a lot easier to Build Back Better when a few atomic mushroom clouds are decorating the landscape of the atmosphere,” Athena mused aloud.
“Set is dealing personally with operations against Isis, Osiris, Horus and Joe Biden,” Dracul nodded, “While his former employee the British MP Renfield R. Renfield is overseeing operations against Vladimir Putin so he doesn’t start a nuclear war.”
“And how’s that going?” Athena inquired.
“Well first we tried diplomacy,” Dracul noted, “We sent over the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to try to talk to him diplomatically but he made a pass at her and so the whole thing failed. She kicked him right where it hurt. So Putin was unable to emerge from the meeting waving a condom in his hand and saying, “Piece in our time.” Diplomacy was over.”
“And then what was the next method of persuasion?” Athena smiled.
“We tried extortion and blackmail,” Dracul replied, “The good old Raymond “Red” Reddington of The Blacklist TV show approach. I managed to obtain some compromising photos of Putin in compromising positions with high-priced escort call girls at The Catherine The Great Hotel Hilton in downtown Moscow. Renfield sent over the ghost of Orson Welles to the Kremlin with those compromising photos in a spectral violin case. Welles said to Putin those photos would be released to both Russia and the world in the event he launched a nuclear attack on anyone.”
“And what was Putin’s response?” Athena wanted to know.
“Putin just laughed,” Dracul answered, “And said those photos would increase his popularity among the Russian people. Showing how young and virile he was for a 70-year-old leader.”
“As opposed to dementia and paving the way for a massive diaper shortage in the U.S. in Joe Biden’s case,” Athena acknowledged.
“Exactly,” Dracul agreed.
“So, what is your next strategy?” Athena was curious.
“Well, “diplomacy stunk” to paraphrase Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel. And “extortion stunk” to again paraphrase Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel. So now is the time to bring in the “big guns” which are “tomatoed buns”. We plan to send over world-famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to tomato Vladimir Putin’s buttocks until he agrees to end the war in Ukraine,” Dracul explained.
“But how will Sherrielock get into Russia?” Athena asked, “It is my understanding that the Russian Air Defense Ministry have Dominatrixes preeminently pinpointed on their radar screens?”.
“Well, Sherrielock used to own an immortal white horse called Excalibur Lightning,” Dracul noted, “This horse could travel the world at lightning speed. Unfortunately at the outbreak of World War I in August 1914, the German secret service and the German Navy horsenapped Sherrielock’s horse and took it aboard a German u-boat and sailed to the waters of Canada’s High Arctic where it was said they buried it under a medieval Norse temple to the Norse goddess Freya. They did it to prevent Sherrielock Holmes riding over to Germany and tomatoing the buttocks of the Kaiser Wilhelm II to quickly end that war.”
“And has this horse been found?” Athena inquired.
“Yes, a team sent out by Set Enterprises happened to find it yesterday,” Dracul was pleased to announce.
An idiotic apologist for Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator character of Adenoid Hynkel kept throwing angry glances in Dracul Van Helsing’s direction.
The idiot Hynkel apologist whose name was Socrates1234 (because that was the highest he could count) went over to the punch bowl to pour himself a glass of punch.
Harvey Tallbanger the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit and secret agent for Set Enterprises put several drops of hemlock into the idiot Hynkel apologist Socrates1234’s glass of punch.
The idiot Hynkel apologist dropped dead on the spot after drinking the hemlock laced glass of punch.
Since he had no ID on him, he was taken to a charity paupers’ funeral home where his memorial service was presided over by an Ashkenazi Jewish rabbi.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Tuesday October 18th
2022.
Semiramis On The Night of The Hunter’s Moon
Semiramis the Queen of Babylon on the Night of The Hunter’s Moon
The full moon in October is called the Hunter’s Moon.
And Semiramis the Queen of Babylon was out standing in the moonlight in the backyard gardens and gazebo grounds of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate.
The Queen of Babylon was not sure why she was there on this night of all nights.
The Night of the Hunter’s Moon.
She just felt drawn to come here tonight for some reason.
The Hunter’s Moon, Semiramis thought.
Interesting as she recalled her husband Nimrod of many millenia ago was called in Genesis Chapter 10 “a mighty hunter against the Lord”.
Today Nimrod the once “mighty man” is a little green frog who is occasionally seen in the company of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith, is also seen in the company of the cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus and also serves as an advisor to NASA on the Artemis moon rocket program (even though he knows nothing whatsoever about building moon rockets).
Semiramis suddenly heard footsteps approaching as she stood alongside the gazebo landing.
It was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approaching.
In his right hand he carried a suitcase containing video footage of Russian President Vladimir Putin making out with various high-priced escort call girls in the Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in downtown Moscow Russia which is owned by Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff.
Van Helsing and Set Enterprises were hoping to use the video footage to blackmail Putin and prevent him from launching a nuclear attack on Ukraine or the West.
Van Helsing could have sent the video footage to Set Enterprises via the Internet but thought the video footage might be destroyed by Russian hackers or the American CIA’s Science and Research Division (that had been headed by the Operation Paperclip landed immigrant Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele since 1950) which wanted global nuclear war or Google just because the technocrats who run Google are a bunch of assholes.
“Van Helsing,” Semiramis gasped.
The Queen of Babylon had encountered Van Helsing on previous occasions.
“Semiramis,” Van Helsing acknowledged the Queen of Babylon.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re the spitting image of Carson Cody Albion the private eye?” Semiramis asked.
“A few people have told me that,” Van Helsing answered, “Isn’t Carson Cody Albion the private eye supposed to be immortal? In the same way that Sherrielock Holmes the lesser known twin sister of Sherlock Holmes is likewise literally immortal? Although Sherrielock became immortal as a result of eating a Lingzhi Supernatural Mushroom omelette and drinking a Lingzhi Supernatural Mushroom milkshake. I have no how idea how Carson Cody Albion became literally immortal.”
“Rumour has it,” Semiramis answered, “that he became immortal after drinking milk from the sexy incredible well endowed breasts of my very beautiful and very young looking mother the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis.”
“Really,” Van Helsing was intrigued, “Any idea where your mother is now?”.
“None, whatsoever,” Semiramis replied.
Van Helsing loked disappointed.
He’d have to continue searching for Ponce de Leon’s Fountain of Youth in Florida.
A sudden rumble came from the night sky.
Semiramis and Van Helsing looked up.
It was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos chasing a demon elk.
A couple of years ago a Calgary based geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield’s had written a blog post (out of the blue) about a demon elk seated on a throne in Rome’s catacombs who was being worshipped by a group of Cardinals and Western world political leaders.
Today at the Spanish language evangelical church the geopolitical analyst attended a woman described an experience she had this past Tuesday where she had encountered a demonic looking elk on a highway in Idaho.
The elk smashed her windshield and the woman had to keep her eyes closed so that the glass that covered her face wouldn’t enter her eyes and she’d go blind.
She was rushed to hospital by ambulance where all the glass that surrounded her eyes was carefully removed and thanks to prayer and the amazing team of doctors and nurses, her eyes were saved.
That same Tuesday the geopolitical analyst was having a dream about the Celtic stag god Cernunnos hunting a demon elk.
He was awakened by his bozo landlord who needed to get into his room to the electric control panel in his room so he could momentarily shut off all the power in the house.
The bozo landlord did so.
And did so without stepping on the geopolitical analyst’s tablet that was being charged on the floor.
However the landlord was making such a racket upstairs, the geopolitical analyst decided to go get a haircut as he needed one.
When he got home, he was shocked to discover his tablet and his cord and plug in complete disarray on the floor as the bozo landlord had stepped all over it.
His tablet that had a perfect appearance for years was now full of cracks.
He had been getting severe eyestrain the past few days from trying to read and write on it.
But that was obviously nothing to the terror that this woman in his church must have felt this past Tuesday over the fact that she could possibly go blind with her face and eyelids covered in glass from the broken windshield on her car after her car made contact with a demonic looking elk on a road in Idaho.
Ironically enough, the geopolitical analyst had recently written a blog post about Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie on a road in Idaho.
And then this woman’s testimony regarding her eyes and eyesight in Church on this Sunday October 9th 2022.
Another amazing thing is this Calgary based geopolitical analyst was raised Anglican and in the Canadian Anglican Book of Common Prayer, October 9th is the Memorial Commemorative Date of Robert Grosseteste a scholar who became the Bishop of Lincoln and died in the year 1253.
Robert Grosseteste studied the science of optics and wrote extensively on the subject.
He also invented the first pair of glasses ever invented in medieval Europe.
Robert Grosseteste also taught the young Roger Bacon science.
Roger Bacon was also the medieval philosopher who invented the Baconian scientific method (It can be found in Roger Bacon’s Magnum Opus which was one of the geopolitical analyst’s favourite books in the Medieval Philosophy class he took at the University of Alberta)).
Scholars of the Enlightenment couldn’t handle the idea of a 13th Century Franciscan monk inventing the Baconian Scientific Method so they lied and claimed that it was the late 16th and early 17th Century Protestant and Rosicrucian Freemason Francis Bacon (who conveniently had the same last name) that came up with the Baconian scientific method.
So in a matter dealing with eyes, a geopolitical analyst has had severe eyestrain the past week from trying to read and write on a cracked tablet, a woman almost lost her eyesight after her car windshield came crashing in during an encounter with a demonic looking elk on an Idaho highway and the geopolitical analyst found all this out in Church on the Anglican Memorial Commemorative Day of Robert Grosseteste the Bishop of Lincoln who studied the science of Optics and invented the first pair of eye glasses in medieval Europe.
A dream about a demon elk, an actual encounter with a demonic looking elk this past Tuesday.
Anything else?
Well the Calgary based geopolitical analyst almost died from severe food poisoning as a kid from eating a piece of undercooked wild game animal meat from… an elk.
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
-Hamlet, Act I, Scene v, lines 167-168.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 9th
2022.
They Call Her Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton in downtown Moscow Russia
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was the owner of the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton in downtown Moscow Russia.
She was also the behind the scenes owner of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel on the outskirts of Moscow Idaho.
The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel was famous for once having Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie as a guest there.
Uncle Ernie sought refuge there after he became the only guest in all of recorded history to be kicked out of the Hotel Calfornia (which was unusual because as the Eagles song informs us “You can check out but you can never leave”).
Uncle Ernie was also kicked out of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel as well.
The problem was that The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel was full of beautiful, sexy and very attractive usually scantily clad female employees.
And the problem as far as Uncle Ernie was concerned was that he kept stealing and trying on for himself the few sexy dresses that the scantily clad female employees of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel had.
So Uncle Ernie was then thrown into a potato sack and dropped off on Interstate 90 in Idaho where unfortunately he was not run over by any motor vehicle.
The potato sack wearing Uncle Ernie was picked up by a bus load of nuns who were headed to a retreat being held on Lake Coeur d’Alene.
But that’s another story.
Let’s just say they’ve never had another transgendered Jewish Rastafarian nun ever since.
Although Pope Francis is working on it since he views it as quite possibly the greatest accomplishment of his senile Synodality project.
There were rumours abounding in Moscow Russia that the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton Hotel was likewise a brothel.
But that couldn’t be the case because self-proclaimed devout Orthodox Christian Vladimir Putin was seen going in and out of the hotel all the time.
Anyways Set Enterprises was trying to prevent a global nuclear war unleashed by Russia’s psychopathic wanna be reborn Czar Peter the Great.
To that end this past Wednesday October 5th Set Enterprises sent the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to Moscow to negotiate in face to face talks with the Russian leader.
Diplomacy failed after Russian President Vladimir Putin tried to make a pass at the sexy Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
“I’m really the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg,” Putin winked at her.
“You strike me more as being a PH unbalanced sasquatch teller of tall and incredibly boring tales,” Qonzilqointec remarked prior to kicking him in his tiny testicles with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
So diplomacy had failed.
Set Enterprises was now trying blackmail.
It had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Moscow Russia to interview Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of The Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton Hotel and get her to admit and maybe even provide camera video footage of Vladimir Putin cavorting with high priced call girl escorts.
Dracul Van Helsing entered the bedroom of Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff and was confronted by this sight:
“Hello, Madame Natasha,” Van Helsing smiled, “How would you like to lie back on your bed and I’ll present to you Saint Thomas Aquinas’ Cosmological Argument for the Existence of God?”.
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff did just that and Dracul Van Helsing presented to the madame the Angelic Doctor’s Cosmological Argument For The Existence of God with a never before heard of method of discourse using illustrations from the Kama Sutra brought to life to argue the case for Intelligent Design of the Cosmos.
By the time Van Helsing had finished, Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was not only a confirmed theist but a confirmed Thomistic philosopher as well.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 7th
2022.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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