Qonzilqointec and Dracul See Pope Francis Wearing A Cowboy Hat

May 5, 2016 at 7:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec and Dracul See Pope Francis Wearing A Cowboy Hat

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing were in Her Vampiric Highness’ exclusive Mexico City penthouse apartment enjoying an exquisite meal and a bottle of the best Burgundy wine after a great evening of seeing Cinco de Mayo festivities.

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was wearing a fiery red evening dress emblazoned with black lace around the arm sleeves.

Dracul Van Helsing was wearing a Humphrey Bogart Casablanca white style dinner jacket tuxedo and black bow tie.

“We’re having roast lobster as the main entree,” Qonzilqointec smiled.

“Lovely,” Dracul nodded, “as long as it’s not my friend Michelangelo.”

“Speaking of which,” Qonzilqointec smiled showing her white vampiric incisor fangs, “how did Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher manage to genetically create Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster?”.

“Well,” Dracul sipped his Burgundy wine,”I understand he extracted DNA from lobsters in a certain region of the world which according to a rare and unknown work of Herodotus that he had in his possession- these lobsters were said to have advanced psychic powers according to Ancient Greek sailors of the time who had ingested too much of the opium poppy.”

“Who had ingested too much of the opium poppy?” Qonzilqointec asked, “the lobsters or the Greek sailors?”.

“I’m not quite sure,” Dracul looked reflective, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher was somewhat incoherent after downing a dozen glasses of Tennessee bourbon.”

“And who had downed the dozen glasses of Tennessee bourbon?” Qonzilqointec smiled again, “You or Dr. Rocher?”.

“I believe we were tied for twelve apiece at that point,” Dracul recalled.

“And where in the world did he get those psychic lobsters whose DNA he extracted to genetically create Michelangelo?” Qonzilqointec smiled yet again.

Qonzilqointec had been used to smiling all evening for the 550-year-old Aztec vampiress had been mistaken by numerous American tourists for actress Salma Hayek (whose identical twin sister she could have easily passed for) at Cinco de Mayo festivities and they wanted their selfies taken with Qonzilqointec for uploads to Facebook and Instagram.

“Well according to a friend of mine who’s a former U.S. Army Special Operations officer and former DARPA employee,” Dracul recalled, “Dr. Cadbury Rocher had sent a group of beautiful but fierce warrioresses who called themselves the Sisterhood of the Black Dragons on a secret mission to the Black and Caspian Seas just prior to creating Michelangelo. So my friend who operated under the Special Ops code name Jack Daniels believes that it’s probably in the Black Sea and Caspian Sea regions of the world where these psychic lobsters are found.”

“That’s interesting,” Qonzilqointec wiped her mouth with a handkerchief after taking a large bite of lobster.

On the television in the living room which had the sound turned down, Donald Trump was telling Ohio Gov. John Kasich to take “Small bites. Small bites.”

“Why is that interesting?” Dracul Van Helsing likewise took a large bite of lobster.

On the TV in the living room, Sarah Palin could be seen performing the Heimlich maneuver on John Kasich.

“Because these lobsters I ordered flown in fresh for this special occasion,” Qonzilqointec sipped her Burgundy wine, “happen to come from the Black and Caspian Seas.”

At that moment, both Qonzilqointec and Dracul Van Helsing had psychic visions by which they were teleported to the Vatican where they saw Pope Francis in his bedroom.

Pope Francis was on his way to an Ascension Day papal audience where he was to meet a group of real western cowboys from the western U.S. state of Wyoming.

Pope Francis had been advised by Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi and Cardinal Walter Kasper that when the cowboys are in Rome to do as the cowboys do.

So Pope Francis was wearing a pair of tight fitting blue jeans, buckled leather belt, red and black plaid shirt and a 10 gallon white Stetson cowboy hat.

He was looking at himself in his full length dressing mirror.

Pope Francis began singing that old Mac Davis country and western song,

“Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way…
I guess it has somethin’ to do with the way
That I fill out my skin tight blue jeans.”

Pope Francis looked down at the way he filled out his skin tight blue jeans.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 5th


  1. ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

    That is sure a very strange dinner event I ever heard or read of. LOL
    Lobster eating and then the vision of the Pope in cowboy suit.
    I wonder … can a vampire eat lobster? Interesting creature.
    Your vampire are the more human in your story than Anne Rice did.

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Yes, Anne Rice made her vampires more human than Bram Stoker did.

      And I seem to have made my vampires more human than Anne Rice did.

      Yes, in my world, vampires can eat lobster and drink wine and even see their reflections in the mirror.

      In my world, vampires still have their human souls attached to their vampiric bodies.

      The struggle to be good or evil still continues within my vampires and vampiresses.

      Some vampires like the Spanish concert pianist Mauel de Rivera y Vargas (whom you’ll read about if you purchase my book The Vampiress With Amnesia) are definitely good.

      The same goes for vampiresses like the New Orleans vampiress, songstress and actress Angelique Dumont (who occasionally goes on dates with Amadeus).

      Then there are other vampires like Set who are just plain evil.

      Then there are vampiresses like Qonzilqointec who are varying shades of gray (probably more than 50 shades of gray) in their spiritual temperament.

      And as for the vampire Osiris and the Vampiress Isis?

      Are they good or are they evil?

      That’s the 6 trillion dollar question.

      One that will be answered in my final book of my vampire septology.

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Just as the character of Louis de Pointe du Lac in Anne Rice. The one who is the best companion of Lestat. He is the one, suffered much of his humanity and struggled with the very demon of his vampiric gift. He never wanted to feast on any humans but then at last he had a bite on Claudia as he embraced her in his arms. It was never meant to be, but sometimes the demon is stronger … I felt for him much more than the others.

        But my favourite has always been Marius because I am just like him. An artist, a scriber, a noble painter, a painful lover … His character reminded me much of myself. Anne Rice is really good in writing her pain off in any stories … Beautiful agony in eternity.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        That’s an apt and excellent description.

        Beautiful agony in eternity.

        It’s what makes Anne Rice’s tales so riveting and at the same time so sad.

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Yes, she is … You do know that Claudia is the very image of what she imagines how her little daughter could be. She was only five when she died and Claudia came from that inspiration in one of her vampire stories … Anne Rice wanted her daughter to live forever in her world and even in her writings …

        It is a pain so great that I can understand as you know that my Amanda died too young … I want her too, to live forever in my world … in paintings, songs and writings … It is one way to let her live in my world … to be always be part of me …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I didn’t know Anne Rice had a daughter who died and that was her inspiration for Claudia.

        So sad. 😦

        I’m so sorry about you and little Amanda.


      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        This is how life is … some part are simply too sad, isn’t it?
        I also did not know of the true story behind Claudia’s character until I saw this …

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Very haunting cover.

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Yes, ain’t that true? Creepy, indeed.
        But then that reminded me of your vampire cover as well … there is a similarity to it.
        When I saw your book cover, it simply creeps me up my sleeve! I was like surprised for something familiar about it … until now as we speak of Anne Rice …

        Must your pyhsic lobster power! LOL

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Yes, must be my psychic lobster powers.

        LOL !

        As I told Daniel, the reason I chose that cover besides the sexy Vampiress on it was because it looked so much like the cobblestone streets of Stamford the Lincolnshire city in northern England that my dad and I came to love so well.

        And what’s also frightening about the Anne Rice cover is that picture looks like a room in The Lord Burghley manor (built by Queen Elizabeth I’s Lord Chancellor Martin Cecil aka Lord Burghley) which was between Stamford and the town of Barnack (which was where Charles Kingsley author of the book The Water Babies was vicar of the Church there).

        Strange that covers so similar happen to occur in similar looking locales in that part of England.

        Stamford of course is where my Sherlock Holmes novel The Giant Rat of Sumatra was set in the final chapters of the book.

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        That cover did chill me down my spine and I can feel something emanate from it, both fictional and true. So, I searched on Anne Rice’s Claudia. That is when I got to learned to know of her ill-fated daughter Michelle who’d left the world early at the age of five … What a tragedy it was for her as a young mother at that time, but then she has a wonderful son Christopher Rice … and that name hit me, really! LOL Reminded me of Christopher Milner.

        I started to read him after Anne Rice starting to promote her son’s books. And all of his six novels are that of best-selling. He wrote as beautiful as his mother, but he has in own style and he is one lucky young man who’s mom’s fame does not over shadowing him at all. Love his books!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,


        I didn’t know Anne Rice had a son called Christopher.

        That’s amazing. 🙂

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        This is one of my favourite book of Christopher Rice. Brilliantly written. He is as talented as his mother. It is in the genes of both the parents. His father is also a writer and poet. Family of scribers!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I’ll have to check out his books. 🙂

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Yes, you do that, Chris.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        I wonder if Christopher Rice will ever check out my author profile on Amazon:



      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Oh, perhaps he will!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Here’s hoping.

      • ѕнєяяιє ∂є ναℓєяια said,

        Amen to that, Chris!

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Indeed. 🙂

  2. Hyperion said,

    Excellent Chris, I always liked Ms. Q. What a dresser, eh? Now I want to see the Pope ride the mechanical bull at Gilly’s. The hat will come in handy then. He can hold it out for tips to keep riding and the crowd can judge his air ballet as he sails across the room. 😀

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks, Daniel. 🙂

      Yes, Her Vampiric Highness is really quite the sharp dresser.

      Back in the days of Montezuma’s empire, guys were just dying to get up on her altars.

      Alas for most of them- she ripped their hearts out! (quite literally).

      Yes it would be quite the sight to see the Pope do the mechanical bull ride down at Gilly’s.

      No doubt he’ll really be putting that temptation of Christ about “giving angels charge over thee” to the test.

      But he may not be coming in for a soft landing.

      • Hyperion said,

        I think this would be a great reality show for Discovery Channel. They could have religious and government leaders ride the bull and the winners get to go see the Pope and pontificate with him. The losers wind up on YouTube where the viewing public can redicule them for eternity.

      • Dracul Van Helsing said,

        Sounds like a great idea. 😀

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