As The World Turns

February 18, 2016 at 8:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

As The World Turns

“So,” Renfield looked at the morning paper, “Pope Francis won’t judge homosexuals but he will judge Donald Trump.”

“Is the Pope a hairdresser?” Amadeus Emanon asked.

. . .

At that moment Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a dream (or possibly a psychic vision) in his aquarium down at the Set Enterprises Lab.

In the dream, Donald Trump was holding a press conference announcing that he was dumping his third wife Melania and would be marrying– another man! – an 18-year-old fitness and aerobics instructor named Spartacus Faberge Duvalier.

Dressed in a pink wedding dress with adjoining pink coloured hair toupee, Trump fumed at the media, “How dare the Pope question my Christianity?”.

. . .

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a restaurant in Zurich, Switzerland at a table across from the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith who was wearing a lovely pink magnolia coloured evening dress.

“I had a strange dream last night,” Lilith recalled, “I dreamed I had to wrestle Donald Trump in order to buy this dress.”

“That is a strange dream,” Asmodeus admitted as he bit into his fried frogs’ legs with great relish (and a smattering of mustard).

The sheer joy with which Asmodeus bit into the frogs’ legs caused Nimrod the ancient king of Babylon (and builder of the city and Tower of Babel) to wince.

Nimrod himself had been turned into a frog as a result of a magical kiss gone awry.

The little green frog sat there on a small lily pad in a huge bowl of water on the white table cloth eating his own little dish of green algae and fresh escargot.

“So our plans for World War III are proceeding smoothly,” Lilith lowered the front top of her dress allowing Nimrod a great visual look of her cleavage causing the little green frog to roar like a tiger taking a shower in a Bavarian alpine village.

“How so?” Asmodeus spit a leaf of lettuce out of his mouth, “I never understood how anyone could be vegetarian.”

“Turkey will attack Syria to destroy the YPG Kurdish Army,” Lilith explained, “and this will cause Russia to attack Turkey and eventually seize Istanbul re-naming it Constantinople and restoring the Byzantine Empire with Putin as the new Byzantine Emperor as well as the new Czar of all the Russias.”

“But wouldn’t Barack Obama do something about that?” Nimrod asked.

On the television screen in the restaurant, CNN was showing a clip of Obama interviewing Kermit the Frog for the job of Supreme Court Justice to replace the late Antonin Scalia and was quizzing the amphibian superstar celebrity on his knowledge of legal jurisprudence and even more importantly as far as Obama was concerned- where he stood on the issues of abortion and same sex marriage.

“I’m sorry,” Nimrod lowered his head in shame and went back to eating his algae and escargot, “that was a stupid question.”

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was sitting in his Kremlin office when a beautiful Greek looking vampiress wearing a Phoenician purple evening dress came flying through the window.

Putin had encountered several vampiresses in this manner the past few years.

“I am the Vampiress Theodora,” said the beautiful vampiress in the Phoenician purple evening dress, “I am here to help you re-take Istanbul from the Turks, re-name it Constantinople and make it the new capital of the greatest empire the world has ever seen – a combined Byzantine and Imperial Russian Empire with yourself as both Byzantine Emperor and Russian Czar.”

Putin inwardly felt that this was indeed his true destiny ever since he had an epiphany on his first visit to Israel as President of Russia in April 2005.

“Theodora,” Putin sampled some black olives from a dish in front of him, “that’s a Greek name isn’t it?”.

“Indeed,” Theodora flashed him a warm smile through her vampiric incisors, “in my mortal life, I was the Empress Theodora the wife of Justinian I the greatest emperor of the Byzantine Empire.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 18th
2016.

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12 Comments

  1. doesitevenmatter3 said,

    HA! Great chapter! πŸ™‚ “Spartacus Faberge Duvalier” made me snort-laugh! πŸ˜›
    The World does keep Turning…despite the wild and weird going-ons of the human-beans! πŸ™‚
    HUGS!!! πŸ™‚

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      Thanks very much, Carolyn. πŸ™‚

      Yes, Spartacus Faberge Duvalier is such a great name, I may make him a real character and not just a figure of Michelangelo’s imagination in a dream like state.

      Whether or not he’ll turn out to be the Donald’s future husband, only time will tell. πŸ˜€

  2. ѕнєяяιє βˆ‚Ρ” ναℓєяια said,

    Spartacus Faberge Duvalier??? What a brilliant name? How come I did not come out with that one in my stories? There is a Spartacus I know who is a hero in a kid’s animation series called as Lazy Town. He is a very sportive guy and love to eat fruits. But it is quite a strange kid’s series. πŸ˜›

    Hah! And I thought so that Trump can be that perfect gay. Masculine, hairy and sharing the love of hairs! LOL

    • Dracul Van Helsing said,

      So there’s a Spartacus in a children’s animation series who loves to eat fruits?

      Well, this Spartacus likes fruits as well but fruits of a different kind. πŸ˜€

      I got the name Spartacus from the 1960 Michael Douglas film Spartacus because there was apparently a famous gay massage scene in a Roman bath and sauna involving a slave played by Tony Curtis.

      Faberge from the famous fashion designer and maker of colognes.

      And Duvalier was the last name of a couple of voodoo practicing Presidents of Haiti- Papa Doc Duvalier and Baby Doc Duvalier.

  3. Hyperion said,

    I don’t think even Monty Python could come close to this one, Chris. What a cast of characters and their crazy world seems far too real. Great story!

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