Renfieldian Podcast About Next Week’s Total Solar Eclipse
Sherrielock Rocher (the daughter of Set Enterprises Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher and the great great granddaughter of Sherrielock Holmes) listening to Renfield’s podcast.
Renfield in this evening’s podcast was talking about next week’s total solar eclipse that was coming up on April 8th.
“The eclipse will be seen over parts of Mexico, a great deal of the U.S. (especially the state of Texas) and also over parts of Canada.
It will form an X with a path taken by a total solar eclipse 7 years ago on August 21st 2017.
On this upcoming date April 8th 2024 as well the Jesuit astronomer Brother Guy Consolmagno (who believes in the existence of extraterrestrials) will host a Vatican Observatory online summit on the eclipse which will be co-hosted by Jesuit priest Father James Martin (who goes ga-ga over the existence of sodomites).
Why the Vatican Observatory is paying particular attention to this solar eclipse with these two individuals is unclear unless maybe 🤔 the Vatican figures that Earth on that date will be visited by a male prostitute drag queen from Orion who will seek personal baptism from Pope Francis.
On that date April 8th NASA will launch 🚀 3 rockets 🚀 🚀 🚀 to observe the solar eclipse.
All three rockets will bear the name APEP.
Apep is the original Egyptian name of an ancient Egyptian deity better known by his Greek name Apophis who’s the Egyptian serpent god of darkness, chaos and destruction (Apophis is also the name of the asteroid ☄️ that’s supposed to pass by Earth on April 13th 2029).
And speaking of destruction, the CERN Large Hadron Collider on that date April 8th will be fired up again. And once again protons will be smashing into one another this time in an attempt to create dark matter the substance that is believed to hold the universe together.
CERN is admitting that in this experiment Black Holes might be created.
But not to worry for these will be only miniature black holes they assure us.
And then in the next sentence they tell us however that they have no idea what miniature black holes are capable of doing.
This coming April 8th 2024 (the day of the total solar eclipse over parts of the U.S., the day of a Vatican Observatory summit co-hosted by a Jesuit monk astronomer who believes in extraterrestrials 👽 and the Jesuit priest who convinced Pope Francis to bless same sex unions, the day of the NASA launch of 3 rockets named after the Egyptian serpent god of darkness, chaos, and destruction and the day that CERN will fire up its Large Hadron Collider again in an effort to create dark matter and possibly miniature black holes) will also be the 120th anniversary of a Black Magic occultic ritual that was performed in Cairo Egypt.
120 years ago back on April 8th 1904 in Cairo Egypt, Aleister Crowley the Black Magick magician performed an occultic ritual that summoned a supernatural entity calling itself Aiwass.
Aiwass claimed to be the messenger of the Egyptian god Horus.
Aiwass dictated to Crowley the text known as The Book of The Law or Liber Al Vel Legis.
So you’ve got NASA, the Vatican and CERN all doing weird things on April 8th 2024 the day of a total solar eclipse. A day that is the 120th anniversary of Aleister Crowley summoning an Egyptian demon.
Apophis, dark matter, ETs, Aleister Crowley, Aiwass.
What could possibly go wrong?”.
-British MP Renfield R. Renfield
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday April 1st
2024.
Vampiress Manat Meets Grigori Rasputin
The Vampiress Manat in a Russian forest in February 1908
The Vampiress Manat looked quite a bit like her sister the Babylonian vampiress Lilith (whose name in Arabic was Al-Lat).
Save that she had blue hair and Lilith had red.
Occasionally they would borrow one another’s outfits.
Today Manat was wearing a lingerie brassiere and tight fitting body hugging skirt with matching thong.
Her sister Lilith (Al-lat) would be wearing the same outfit six years later when she (Lilith) met the Bosnian Serb Black Hand assassin Gavrilo Princip in a forest in Serbia in February 1914.
Unbeknownst to Manat on this February day, she was photographed in a coloured photo by Sergei Mikhailovich Prokudin-Gorsky (1863-1944) a Russian chemist and photographer who had been commissioned by Czar Nicholas II to take colour photographs of the Russian Empire from 1907 to 1915.
Lilith on a February day six years later in 1914 had a black and white photo taken of her (wearing Manat’s outfit) by the Austro-Hungarian photographer Magyar Schulz (whose birth and death dates have been lost in the annals of history) who was also a spy for the Austro-Hungarian Imperial Secret Service.
The black and white photo of Lilith (taken unbeknownst to the vampiress by Magyar Schulz) was taken just prior to her meeting with Gavrilo Princip.
This colour photo of Manat (taken unbeknownst to the vampiress by Sergei Mikhailovich Prokudin-Gorsky) was taken just prior to her meeting the Russian monk and mystic Grigori Rasputin.
It was a good thing that Sergei Mikhailovich Prokudin-Gorsky didn’t ask Manat to say “Cheese” just prior to taking the photograph or otherwise he might have died before fulfilling the Czar’s commission.
When Manat saw Grigori Rasputin approaching, she asked him, “Who art thou? Whence thou comest? And whither thou goest?”.
It was a good thing for Rasputin that the last woman he had made out with had studied English and had read Shakespeare in the original because he understood what Manat was talking about.
“I’m Grigori Rasputin,” the uncelibate monk-mystic-healer answered, “I come from Tobolsk province and I recently came within Olga Dmitrovich a student of English language and literature and I’m currently on my way to St. Petersburg.”
Manat then bit Rasputin on the neck and gave him a huge hickey.
She didn’t drain all his blood so he’d die.
Nor did she get him to bite her (after she gave him the hickey) to turn him into a vampire.
However as a result of the hickey, Rasputin was now under Manat’s hypnotic control.
Rasputin continued on his way.
Some months later, an asteroid ☄️ landed in Siberia on June 30th 1908 at around 7:15 AM local time.
The asteroid ☄️ strike was called the Tunguska Asteroid Impact Event.
Riding aboard that asteroid was Apophis the ancient Egyptian demon god of chaos.
Apophis’ serpent body was mortally wounded in the asteroid ☄️ strike but his spirit left his body and went searching for a home.
He found it within the body of the monk Grigory Rasputin.
Of course he had to share the body with Rasputin’s soul who was under Manat’s hypnotic control.
Rasputin of course went on to become the healer to the Russian Imperial Family since he seemed to have the ability to heal the Tsarevich Alexei who suffered from haemophilia.
When Rasputin was murdered by a pair of Russian princes on December 30th 1916 (Gregorian calendar), Apophis left the body of the now dead Rasputin.
The serpent spirit met up with Thoth the Egyptian god of time and space and Thoth restored Apophis’ mortally slain serpent body to life.
Apophis later helped Lenin, Trotsky and the Bolsheviks seize power.
Apophis was aboard the Russian cruiser gunship Aurora when it fired the gunshot that served as the signal for Lenin and the Bolsheviks to attack the Winter Palace in St. Petersburg (then called Petrograd) and launch the October Bolshevik Revolution of 1917.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Wednesday February 7th
2024.
Apophis and Stalin
The Egyptian god Apophis
Apophis was the Egyptian god of chaos, disorder, earthquakes, thunder, darkness, storms and death.
Apophis was known as the Great Serpent and was the enemy of the sun god Ra in ancient Egyptian religion.
The sun was Ra’s great barge which sailed from dawn to dusk and then descended into the Underworld.
As it sailed through the darkness, it was attacked by Apophis who sought to kill Ra and prevent sunrise.
The Egyptian god Set was originally a protector god and was the strongest of the Egyptian gods aboard the sun god Ra’s barge defending the ship against Apophis.
Set only became a villain in history after he dismembered his brother Osiris and cut him up into 14 pieces.
“Everyone thinks that I’m a villain because I dismembered my brother Osiris,” the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set complained to his butler and valet Athelstan, “but have I ever told you how as a child, Osiris constantly destroyed my toy barges along the Nile River and then used to hide papa Geb’s cannabis pipe and blame it on me.”
“Many a time, sir,” Athelstan sighed.
Apophis was aboard the ship Aurora when it fired one salvo from the bow gun on November 7th 1917 (October 25th 1917 on the old Julian calendar of the day then in use in Russia) at 21:40 which signaled the Bolshevik attack on the Winter Palace in Petrograd (Saint Petersburg).
If it had not been for the help of Apophis, the Bolsheviks would not have been able to seize power in Russia.
The last remnants of the Russian White Army as well as rival political factions to the Bolshevik Communists were finally defeated on June 16th 1923 (the Los Angeles Dodgers would be celebrating the 100th Anniversary of the Anti-Bolshevik forces’ defeat on June 16th 2023 with an Alphabet Soup Community Pride Night in which an order of transvestite drag queen nuns would be performing).
The suggestion to Dodgers’ management came from the homosexual god Horus (who had once falsely accused his uncle Set back in the days of ancient Egypt of being homosexual himself and once claiming his uncle Set tried to seduce him).
Apophis disappeared after the Bolsheviks’ final victory in Russia on June 16th 1923.
He reappeared in Russia again on November 2nd 1942.
Appearing to Soviet dictator Josef Stalin in Moscow.
Stalin was convinced the USSR was bound to lose to Hitler.
Apophis offered to help Stalin and save the USSR if Stalin sold his soul to him (Apophis).
Stalin being a dialectical materialist of course didn’t believe in a soul and so had no trouble selling his soul to Apophis.
After all he had soul his soul to some strange being calling itself Moloch back in 1899 when he was studying at the Tbilisi Theological Seminary in Georgia 🇬🇪.
After swallowing the signed soul document 📃 after rubber stamping it with his fangs, Apophis then became an advisor to Soviet General Georgii Zhukov and on November 19th 1942, Soviet forces attacked the German Sixth Army of General Friedrich von Paulus at Stalingrad.
That would turn the tide in the Soviets’ favour in its Great Patriotic War against Nazi Germany.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written Wednesday June 7th
2023.
The Vision of Apophis
Apophis the ancient Egyptian serpent god of chaos, darkness, evil and destruction
A tourist bus rolled through the desert
Towards the pyramids
An astronomer Paul Leblanc
Had fallen asleep aboard the bus
He dreamed he was heading towards the pyramids
When suddenly stars fell from the sky into the desert
And a fierce looking serpent
That the well educated Leblanc
Recognized as the serpent god Apophis
Seemed to embrace the entire desert
As the fires of Hell rose
From beneath the sands
Leblanc woke up
As the pyramids came into view
No sign of Apophis, falling stars or Hell fire rising
from desert sands
Leblanc looked to his left
At his fellow passenger
Who turned out to be
Thoth
The Egyptian god of time
With his ibis head
And all
Thoth picked up a very tall hour glass
Whose sands had run out
Thoth grinned and said,
“Time’s up”
The first of several falling stars
Appeared across the Egyptian desert
Night sky
Over the pyramids
-A horror poem
written
Tuesday April 26th
2022.
Princess Ayesha and The Battle In The Skies
The Ethiopian Princess Ayesha with her flying spear Asimati T’ori and her snowy owl Tammuz in a battle in the clouds surrounded by holographic constellations
The Ethiopian princess Ayesha was a direct descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba.
She was in possession of her ancestor’s shield The Golden Shield of The Double Headed Phoenix.
Solomon had once encountered a double headed Phoenix and was so impressed, he had a shield (made of gold) bearing this image.
The shield had been made by Hephaestus the Greek god of fire and forge.
Solomon’s ring which allowed him to control demons also allowed him to control the gods and goddesses of the world’s various religions.
So he forced Hephaestus to make him a shield of gold bearing the image of the double headed phoenix.
And the shield was now in the possession of his descendant Princess Ayesha of Ethiopia.
Ayesha also had a spear Asimati T’ori that allowed her to fly above the clouds.
In these flights, Ayesha was accompanied by her personal snowy owl named Tammuz who had the ability to fly higher than an eagle.
She had heard that an alien ET saviour (expected by a few Jesuit astronomers and Vatican Cardinals and some said by the Communist Pope Francis himself) would soon be arriving on Earth.
This alien ET saviour was said to be in alliance with Apophis the Egyptian serpent god of chaos.
Holographic images of the constellations were being projected down on to the clouds lighting the way to the alien ET saviour’s arrival.
And as such Ayesha was in the clouds with her shield the Solomonic Gold Shield of the Double Headed Phoenix, her spear Asimati T’ori and her snowy owl Tammuz to do battle with the alien ET saviour when he arrives.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 22nd
2020.
Alberta Premier Jason Kenney Is A Fat Slob Neo-Fascist Apostle of The Antichrist
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading a recent Facebook status posted by a friend of his a geopolitical analyst who lived in Calgary.
The Facebook status read:
“The Alberta Provincial Government of Premier Jason Kenney have shown themselves to be Apostles of The Antichrist by announcing Neo-Bolshevik Covid Communist restrictions on the province.
They have further established themselves as Apostles of The Antichrist by calling this stupid press conference at 4 PM local time thus pre-empting my favourite soap opera The Young and The Restless which starts in this time slot.
At least fat slob Neo-Fascist Apostle of The Antichrist Jason Kenney could have waited until 5 PM (to pre-empt the Channel 7 Global News Calgary Disinformation Branch of the Orwellian Covid-1984 New World Order Ministry of Propaganda local news) to make his bloody announcement.
Fat slob Neo-Fascist Apostle of the Antichrist Jason Kenney shall roast in the flames of Hell for all Eternity for this.”
After reading this, Renfield was reminded of a historical incident often mentioned by the geopolitical analyst’s best friend in University a History major who went on to become a professional researcher and archivist.
According to the researcher-archivist, when the Lester B. Pearson Canadian Federal Liberal government brought in the Canada Federal Medical Care Act in 1966 which would establish a federal Public Health Care system, Alberta’s Provincial Social Credit Premier Ernest C. Manning was opposed to it because Alberta already had its own provincial Health Care system MSI (which stood for Medical Services Inc.).
Manning figured that the proposed new Canadian Medicare would not be as good as the provincial MSI.
In this, Manning was probably correct as the Lester Bowles Pearson Federal Liberals had already shown bad judgement by getting the Quebec Communist Pierre Elliot Trudeau to run for Federal Liberal MP in a Montreal riding and then naming him to the Federal Cabinet when the bum was actually elected.
Manning showed bad judgement however when he publicly broadcast on TV his opposition to the Canada Medicare Act by pre-empting an episode of the popular TV show The Munsters which was shown on the CTV Network’s broadcast outlet stations in Alberta.
The Munsters was an extremely popular television show back in the 1960s relating the misadventures and mishaps of the much beloved central character Herman Munster (played by actor Fred Gwynne).
Manning’s inherent bungling and bad judgement in pre-empting an episode of The Munsters would cost Manning’s Provincial Social Credit Party dearly in the next Alberta Provincial election in 1967.
Social Credit had always enjoyed a large majority in the Alberta Provincial Legislative Assembly ever since it first won election in 1935.
Opposition parties usually only held about 4 or 5 seats at the most.
However thanks to Manning’s bungling and incompetence in the Munstergate Affair, Social Credit went from holding 65 seats in the Alberta Legislature to holding only 55 seats in the 1967 Alberta Provincial election.
Social Credit now faced a massive 10 man Opposition, 6 seats went to the Alberta Progressive Conservative Party under its new leader Edgar Peter Lougheed, 3 seats went to the Alberta Liberal Party and 1 seat was won by an Independent.
Renfield figured that with pre-empting The Young and The Restless episode at 4 PM instead of the Channel 7 Global News Calgary Marxist Bullshit Propaganda Masquerading As News program at 5 PM, fat slob Neo-Fascist Apostle of the Antichrist Jason Kenney had sealed his electoral doom in the next Alberta Provincial election.
. . .
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee (whose serial killing specialty was killing ugly looking women) was walking to a nearby grocery store to buy eggs to make himself an omelette.
Suddenly he heard hurried footsteps.
The footsteps were coming from across the street as a thin ugly looking stoat (Pan Goatee divided ugly looking women into 3 categories- thin ugly stoats, medium sized ugly gargoyles and fat ugly blimps) was rushing to see if she could get ahead of him.
She rushed on the other side of parked cars on the street to get on to the sidewalk.
Goatee raced ahead as he wasn’t about to let someone as repulsively ugly as she was get ahead of him.
The ugly looking creature swore at Goatee under her breath (which was as foul as the sulphurous fumes of Hell) that Goatee with his excellent hearing picked up.
“Mumbling swear words is a sign of insanity,” Goatee commented with the eloquence of a Laurence Olivier delivering a Shakespearian theatrical performance as he beheaded the repulsively ugly looking thing with his astral laser machete.
He then cut the ugly looking creature up into 999 trillion pieces.
Nanites came and ate the pieces of the late unlamented uglo and then barfed all over one another.
The half-demon/half-goat hybrid Krampus then gathered up the uglo regurgitating nanites and put them in his sack and took them down to Hell.
. . .
Meanwhile on the Thames River in London, demons loyal to Apophis the Egyptian serpent god of Chaos were on board a ghostly spectral double of the Russian gunship Aurora (whose shots fired on the Winter Palace in Saint Petersburg signalled the start of the 1917 Russian Bolshevik Revolution).
The Russian gunship Aurora 2.0 had its great searchlights beamed on to Buckingham Palace.
The ghost of American singer Johnny Cash (recently granted a dispensational release from the Underworld by Hades and Persephone) protested the Aurora 2.0 having Buckingham Palace within its sites.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 8th
2020.
Joe and Justin Look Forward To Global Marxist Leninist Great Reset
The London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was looking over some rare black and white photographs of the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution in Russia that were found in a Vienna antique shop by Leonard Constantinople the Crusader Rabbit who was currently in Vienna biting the heads off Islamist terrorists.
One of the photographs showed Apophis the Egyptian Great Serpent god of chaos aboard the gunship Aurora as it had the Winter Palace in Saint Petersburg in its sight with its great searchlights during the start of the Bolshevik Revolution.
“So,” Set seethed, “It was Apophis who was behind the Bolshevik Revolution.”
Set and Apophis had once fought before millenia ago.
Set used to accompany his great-grandfather the Egyptian sun god Ra as Ra sailed his solar great barge across the sky from dawn to dusk before descending into the underworld.
As Ra’s great barge navigated through the darkness of night, it was attacked by Apophis who sought to kill Ra and prevent sunrise.
Set in those days was a protector god and the strongest of the gods aboard the sun god Ra’s barge and so defended the ship against Apoohis.
Set would often say, “Every day I would slay Apophis the enemy of Ra as I stood at the helm of the barge.”
Now it was apparent that Apophis was at the helm of the gunship Aurora the night it launched the dawn of an era of Bolshevik nocturnal darkness.
. . .
Evil billionaire George Soros (a man who blasphemously used his ethnic Jewish background to deflect cries of conspiracy from himself as the mainstream Marxist media sought to protect him by saying critics of Soros were anti-Semitic even though Soros’ co-conspirators in the Great Reset globalist Marxist plot were all non-Jewish, Klaus Schwab, Bill and Melinda Gates, Pope Francis and Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) was using an unusual mirror to communicate with the Egyptian Great Serpent god of chaos Apophis who was riding the 99942 Apophis asteroid towards planet Earth.
Likewise Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (who was currently naked and covered head to toe in blackface or rather black shoe polish)
was using his antique late Victorian/early Edwardian era cannabis pot smoking mirror named Magical Mystery Tour to communicate with Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of smoking mirrors.
Justin was using Tezcatlipoca’s advice to help turn Canada into a Communist dictatorship.
He would be within reach by now had the provinces of Canada agreed to transfer their health emergency powers to the federal government.
But one of the strongest opponents of the transfer had been Alberta Premier Jason Kenney.
Unbeknownst to Justin, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney back in 2016 (3 years before he became Premier) had used to sit in the back pew of Saint John the Evangelist Anglican Ordinariate Catholic Church in Calgary a few feet away from a geopolitical analyst who had recently arrived in the city homeless from Vancouver.
Kenney and the geopolitical analyst didn’t know one another and had just said “Hello.”
The geopolitical analyst who was originally from Alberta but had lived in Vancouver for the past 4 years had no idea who Kenney was having lost track of Alberta politics.
It was only when the geopolitical analyst had invited a friend from the homeless shelter he stayed in with him to Church that he found out who Kenney was.
The geopolitical analyst’s friend had asked Kenney when the Church service was over, “Hey, aren’t you someone important?” to which Kenney had responded, “I’m Jason Kenney. I’m an MP and I used to be Minister of Immigration in Stephen Harper’s cabinet.”
Stephen Harper had been Prime Minister of Canada prior to pothead Justin.
The geopolitical analyst had stopped attending Saint John’s in 2017 when the parish rector left to go to England and a more boring clergyman with boring sermons had taken his place.
Plus the geopolitical analyst was starting that year to have serious doubts about Pope Francis the earthly head of the Catholic Church (later discovering in his on-line research that Jorge Mario Bergoglio was a Communist).
Kenney went on to resign as an MP, run for the leadership of the Alberta Provincial Progressive Conservative Party which he won, later run for the leadership of the United Conservative Party (which was a merger of the Alberta Progressive Conservative Party and the Alberta Wildrose Alliance Party) which he won and finally was elected Premier of Alberta in 2019.
So even though Albertans were a pain in Justin’s backside, Justin had recently gone on television to tell Canadians that his government would be part of the global Great Reset.
Joe Biden (who had recently been proclaimed President-elect of the United States by the AP Associated Press on Saturday November 7th and the rest of the mainstream Marxist media and various world leaders including pothead Justin had gone along with the AP proclamation) had also announced the same day as Justin that America would be part of the global Great Reset.
Apophis’ planned dawn of the new dark age of nocturnal Neo-Bolshevism was just around the corner.
. . .
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (who was the spiritual goddaughter of the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl the arch enemy of Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of night and smoking mirrors) was standing on some rocks off the coast of Cornwall in England.
She was awaiting the arrival of her lover the vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing (who was a descendant of a daughter of Arthur King of the Britons and the enchantress Morgana) so together they could battle the Apophis and Tezcatlipoca led Great Reset.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 17th
2020
The Day After
“The U.S. Democrats believe in killing babies and supporting sodomy.
So it should come as no surprise that they would believe in cheating at elections as well.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP on the Democrats tampering with election results in the states of Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania to say nothing of Arizona, North Carolina and Georgia.
The world’s most charismatic and witty serial killer Pan Goatee was walking down the street when lo and behold! the poor chap’s night was ruined by the sight of a fat ugly blimp approaching.
“You hideous behemoth straight from the pits of the place that Pope Francis says doesn’t exist,” Pan Goatee remarked as he lopped the fat uglo’s head off, “Just because the Democrats are cheating their way to a pro-Communist Biden-Harris ticket victory doesn’t mean that you fat ugly blimps can walk around with impunity.”
Nanites immediately arrived on the scene to eat the fat ugly blimp’s head and body.
More massive regurgitation was now taking place aboard Charon’s ferry on the River Styx.
After Pan Goatee had bought the bread at the grocery store, he returned home.
While returning home, Pan Goatee encountered a medium sized ugly looking gargoyle.
The Oscar Wilde and Friedrich Nietzsche quoting on the subject of aesthetics genetically created satyr serial killer had, for his own personal Dewey system classification purposes, classified ugly looking females into three catgories: fat ugly blimps, medium sized ugly looking gargoyles and thin ugly looking stoats.
The gargoyle’s head was quickly lopped off by Pan Goatee’s machete and afer being eaten by nanites definitely would not be decorating the outside of Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral in the near future much to the relief of other gargoyles as well as Islamic terrorists inspecting the outside of the building as they were planning their next terrorist attack.
A reporter from Canada’s Rebel News Network approached Goatee.
It was fortunate for her that she was beautiful.
“Mr. Goatee,” the woman smiled, “I imagine both sides in the upcoming Second American Civil War will be seeking your services. Which side will you be fighting for?”.
“Well I imagine most of the ugly women will be backing the Biden-Harris ticket,” Goatee sipped his Iced Cappuccino, “so I imagine I’ll be fighting against the Biden-Harris supporters. Most women who are leftists are either ugly or airheads or in many terrifying cases both.”
“So Trump can count on your support then?” Asked the Rebel News reporter.
“Yes,” Goatee signed autographs being sought by some of the neighbourhood children, “I don’t like Trump personally but I much prefer him to that senile old fool and KKK white supremacist puppet of Xi Jinping’s Chinese Communist Party on the other side.”
. . .
Global News Canada’s Communist correspondents in the U.S. Communist asshole Jackson Proskow, Communist asshole Eric Sorensen and Communist asshole Reggie Cecchini all had to change their underwear on hearing the news that Pan Goatee would be fighting against the pro-Communist Biden-Harris camp in the upcoming Second American Civil War.
. . .
George Soros’ son Alexander Soros who was the deputy chairman of his father’s Open Society Foundations (that was currently financing the ongoing Neo-Bolshevik Revolution in the U.S.) was spending the day consulting a spiritist medium.
The name of the spiritist medium had been given to him by well-known spirit cooker Marina Abramovic.
Soros was hoping to get in touch with the ghost of the 2nd Century rabbi Simeon bar Yochai.
Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai often referred to as Rashbi was said to be the author of the great Kabbalistic work the Zohar.
Many sayings of his were to be found in the Babylonian Talmud including a passage that said it was perfectly acceptable to have sexual relationships with girls as young as 2 or 3 years of age.
Alexander Soros was hoping to get advice from the rabbi’s ghost on how to fit America into the planned Great Reset envisioned by his father George Soros, Bill and Melinda Gates, Prince Charles of Britain who talked to plants and wondered why they never talked back to him, World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab, Pope Francis and Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping.
. . .
An astronomer at the Mauna Kea astronomical observatory in Hawaii was observing the asteroid Apophis (named after the ancient Egyptian Great Serpent god of Chaos) that is calculated to be coming closest to Earth on April 13th 2029.
The trouble was the observatory’s instruments had suddenly picked up that the asteroid Apophis was accelerating its speed.
The astronomer asked the observatory’s computers to calculate what would happen if the asteroid continued to accelerate at a certain speed within a certain set of conditions.
The astronomer ripped off the final calculations on the paper from the computer printer.
The paper read, “It would hit Earth with maximum impact on…”
“Oh shit!” The astronomer cried, “Is there no end to all that is happening in 2020?”.
“Did anybody get the license plate number of that asteroid?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 4th
2020.
Renfield Discusses Bozos Heading Amnesty Canada International, The Coming Middle East War and Drones Hitting Saudi Refinery
Renfield Discusses Bozos Heading Amnesty International Canada, The Coming Middle East War and Drones Hitting Saudi Refinery
“I am NOT an impotent bed wetter with a small penis.”
-Alex Neve, Secretary-General of Amnesty International Canada snivelling in response to the latest political volley shot at him by Alberta Premier Jason Kenney
When asked by the news media to drop his trousers and his drawers in order to provide substantial empirical proof to back up his denial, Mr. Neve declined to do so.
Meanwhile over in London England, British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn stood up and left a pub when he saw the Egyptian god Anubis enter.
Meanwhile in another corner of the pub, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were discussing the world geopolitical situation.
“So, what’s this war of words going on in Canada between Alex Neve the Secretary-General of Amnesty International Canada and Alberta Premier Jason Kenny?” Amadeus asked as he ordered the Alberta Angus steak sandwich medium rare.
“Well Alex Neve being your typical Marxist-Leninist inclined climate change obsessed radical environmentalist nut case thinks that building pipelines and putting people in Alberta’s oil and gas industry back to work is a gross violation of human rights,” Renfield replied.
“That’s kind of a different claim to make,” Amadeus sipped his tea.
“It’s not how Lenin, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and the current House of Saud’s idea of violating human rights would work but then Canada is a country that recently legalized marijuana,” Renfield pointed out.
“What can I get you for dinner, sir?” The waitress asked Renfield.
“The two piece cod Fish and Chips, please,” Renfield handed her back the menu.
“So, what do you think of the possibility of a major regional war breaking out in the Middle East sometime in the foreseeable future?” Amadeus asked.
“Well, it’s always possible that a major Middle East regional war won’t break out this year although even that possibility is becoming more and more unlikely,” Renfield said, “however in the longer term, saying that a Middle East regional war will NOT break out in the next few years makes about as much sense as saying that someday a member of America’s contemporary so-called progressive/liberal left will actually come to understand what Marxist-Leninism and Fascism actually are in their historical antecedents rather than in the pseudointellectual dream world that most American progressives and liberals seem to exist in.”
“Wow, then that definitely does not look good for world peace,” Amadeus admitted.
“And it may not look good for world peace in the very very immediate future if Benjamin Netanyahu’s Likud Party continues to do poorly in the polls in the next few days leading up to the Israeli general Election,” said Renfield, “Netanyahu is the sort of political personality that would prefer World War III breaking out rather than the absolutely horrific (in his opinion) possibility that he might cease being Prime Minister of Israel. Even saying he’d annex the Jordan Valley and the northern Dead Sea area didn’t give Netanyahu the boost in the polls that he desires. So obviously he may have to resort to the last resort of starting a war with Iran in order to save his political skin.”
“I see someone launched a drone attack on the oil refinery at the Abqaiq facility and the Khurais oil field run by Saudi Aramco in Saudi Arabia early this morning,” Amadeus noted, “The closure will impact 5 million barrels of crude oil processing per day which is half of Saudi crude oil production and 5 percent of the world’s daily oil production. We may soon see $100 per barrel oil.”
“That’s right,” Renfield nodded, “The Houthi rebels of Yemen are claiming responsibility for the drone attacks while others are saying that it’s Iran itself behind the attacks. U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo who seems to have replaced John Bolton as the war hawk in the Trump Administration is now making the claim that it’s Iran itself which is behind the attacks.”
Meanwhile in that other corner of the pub, Anubis the Egyptian jackal headed god was reading a copy of the Last Will and Testament of Czar Nicholas II of Russia that was given to him by Virgil the longest serving librarian at the Bodleian Library at Oxford.
Meanwhile the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis had shape shifted into human form and had traveled back in time and was now a Russian countess at her palatial manor in Saint Petersburg on the eve of the Bolshevik Revolution.
She stood at the window of the manor alongside her dog.
The Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing (who had likewise traveled back in time) approached her.
“Do you know where Apophis is?” Van Helsing asked Atargatis.
“On the battleship Aurora,” the goddess answered.
“That’s what I thought,” said Van Helsing.
Apophis was the Great Serpent in ancient Egyptian religion and the ancient Egyptian god of chaos and destruction.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 14th
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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