Saint John’s Eve
The last few days had been a haze for Quentin Talbot.
He had booked a room in the Royal Alexandria Hotel in Alexandria.
He had gone downstairs to the lobby and found himself transported back in time to 1939.
There had been a ball going on in the hotel ballroom.
He had gone in and met a woman who claimed to be Thessalonike of Macedon the half-sister of Alexander the Great.
Somehow Quentin found himself aboard a ship in Alexandria’s harbour.
Thessalonike had jumped overboard and turned herself into a mermaid.
Quentin then recalled something that a London art gallery curator and art dealer named Dashwood Forrest had told him.
There was an old legend that Thessalonike of Macedon had turned into a mermaid shortly after Alexander’s death.
The ship soon found itself off the coast from the Suffolk town of Dunwich on the North Sea coast.
Dunwich had been the capital of the Kingdom of East Anglia at one time and a major international port.
Its decline began when three great storms struck the town- one in January 1286, one in February 1287 and a third in December 1287.
Most of the buildings that had been present in 13th Century Dunwich including 8 churches had disappeared with the storms.
Local legend has it that at certain tides, church bells can still be heard beneath the waves.
Tonight as the tides surged in a great storm, Quentin could hear the bells ringing beneath the waves.
Quentin soon found himself being taken off the ship by dwarf like creatures.
Unbeknownst to him, the dwarf like creatures were korrigans from the Breton region of France.
At the same time over in Rome, another group of korrigans from Britanny were exiting a wooden statue of the Baphomet on wheels inside the Vatican.
Quentin soon found himself being taken down to the beach where Thessalonike (who had since shapeshifted back into human shape) was standing in front of an altar by a huge bonfire.
Thessalonike was dressed in the robes of a Druidic priestess and holding a huge sacrificial knife.
Quentin deduced that things weren’t looking too promising for him when the korrigans tied him to the altar.
A huge black dog with large red eyes, gigantic bared teeth and shaggy black fur came and sat by the bonfire.
The dog was that infamous Hellhound of English folklore known as the Black Shuck who was said to haunt the coastline and countryside of East Anglia.
The dog started to howl.
Of course, the Black Shuck was singing a song but to Quentin’s ears, it sounded like howling.
The song the Black Shuck was singing was, How Much Is That Human Sacrifice By The Window?
Coincidentally a stained glass window of Saint Elizabeth (cousin of the Virgin Mary) holding a baby Saint John the Baptist from one of Dunwich’s 8 lost sunken ancient churches had washed up on to the shore alongside the altar.
“Welcome to Saint John’s Eve 2020,” Thessalonike smiled a sinister smile at Quentin as she raised the knife.
“British Prime Minister Boris Johnson says you’re not practicing social distancing,” Dracul Van Helsing shouted as he aimed a crossbow and hit Thessalonike in the chest with an arrow.
“Shit,” Thessalonike started bleeding like a woman in a TV commercial for an obviously unsuccessful tampon product.
She headed to the ocean and dived in turning into a mermaid.
Gurkas from British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s personal British Army Brigade started wrestling with the korrigans.
Eventually Quentin was freed and the Saint John’s Eve Dunwich Human Sacrifice for 2020 was cancelled.
Van Helsing went to a nearby pub to have several cold beers while Quentin Talbot was taken to a doctor.
Inside the pub, Van Helsing was approached by the ancient Babylonian Queen Semiramis.
“Sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong, eh, Van Helsing?”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 23rd
2020.
Thessalonike of Macedon
Quentin Talbot stared at the picture on his hotel room wall in The Royal Alexandria Hotel in Alexandria, Egypt.
The woman looked familiar but he couldn’t quite place her.
The radio in his hotel room was tuned to BBC World News and on it, he could hear the voice of British MP Renfield R. Renfield,
“Washington state’s Neo-Communist governor Jay Inslee is making it mandatory for everyone to wear a mask in public. You can’t enter a restaurant or enter a store without one. No doubt wearing a face mask is just the prelude to taking the Mark of the Beast by which “no man might buy or sell without it” as recorded in the Book of Revelation Chapter 13. It’s time for the American people to wake up and smell the Marx, Engels and Lenin in their coffee.”
Quentin Talbot decided he wouldn’t be returning to America any time soon.
He recalled an email he had received from a traditional Catholic aunt of his last year in which she had recounted an interview with the nun Sister Lucia (who as a child had seen the Blessed Virgin Mary along with two of her cousins at Fatima Portugal) that she gave back in the 1990s.
In it, she had said that the last great world power to fall to Marxist-Leninism would be the United States of America.
Since Marxist-Leninism had collapsed in Russia and the nations of Central and Eastern Europe back in the early 1990s, it would have been absurd to think back in the 1990s that the U.S. would ever fall to Marxist-Leninism.
Even as late as last year with uber-capitalist Donald Trump in the White House, it would still have been absurd to think the U.S. would ever fall to Marxist-Leninism.
However with the advent of the Covid-19 coronavirus, various Democratic Party Mayors and governors throughout the U.S. were starting to show their true Red (as in Bolshevik Red) colours.
Then with the protests against racism and police brutality, radical Jacobin style French Revolutionary mobs were tearing down statues and trying to erase all vestiges of America’s past.
At the start of any Communist revolution, any vestige of a nation’s past must be erased.
The BBC was now reporting live from Raleigh North Carolina that a group calling itself the Disciples of Lucifer would be holding a Luciferian March For One World Government in Raleigh and 8 other U.S. cities tomorrow June 21st on the day of the “ring of fire” solar eclipse.
Insanity must have just been let out of Pandora’s box, Quentin Talbot thought to himself.
He exited his hotel room.
The hall corridor looked different.
It was the same but looked different somehow.
He used the elegant staircase to go down to the lobby.
The lobby too looked the same but different.
A bell boy approached him.
“You are expected in the ball room, sir,” the bell boy said.
“What year is this?” Quentin Talbot felt compelled to ask.
“Why, 1939, sir,” the bell boy answered with a sincere smile and laugh.
As Quentin Talbot approached the ball room, he remembered where he had seen the woman in the black and white photo in his hotel room before.
It was at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London last autumn.
It was an oil painting where the subject was Thessalonike of Macedon who was Alexander the Great’s half-sister.
Talbot entered the ballroom and there on what appeared to be a throne was seated Thessalonike of Macedon.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 20th
2020.
Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon
Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon
Today Boris Johnson was elected leader of the British Conservative Party.
In a ballot of Conservative Party members, he defeated his rival British Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt.
Boris Johnson received 92,153 votes to his rival’s 46, 656.
Boris Johnson was Mayor of London from 2008 to 2016.
He once won a magazine limerick contest for writing the best limerick making fun of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.
He’d have probably lost the limerick contest to MP Renfield R. Renfield but Renfield had submitted his limerick a couple of hours after the deadline because he spent the night drinking T-Rex shooters in a bar (the t-Rex shooter contains a lethal and deadly combination of different liquors. Renfield is the only known mortal in history to have drunk more than one T-Rex shooter and lived. Every other person was now as dead as the variety of dinosaur it was named after) so the limerick was disqualified with much regret by the contest judges.
Mr. Johnson will also now become Britain’s first Roman Catholic Prime Minister.
Although Mr. Johnson is not a practicing Catholic.
Only a baptized Catholic.
Shacking up with a woman he was not married to wouldn’t be in accord with current Catholic teaching.
Although that might change (along with several other things) if the German Conference of Catholic Bishops have their way at the upcoming papal Synod On The Amazon this October.
Tomorrow the current UK Prime Minister Theresa May will take part in her last Prime Minister’s Question Period in the House of Commons.
After lunch, she will make a short farewell speech outside 10 Downing Street.
She will then travel to see Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace to tender her resignation as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
Boris Johnson will then arrive at Buckingham Palace for an audience with the Queen where he will be invited to form a government.
Afterwards he will then be driven to 10 Downing Street where he will make a brief speech before entering the building for the first time as Prime Minister.
After Boris Johnson delivered his victory speech to Conservative Party supporters tonight, he left the Queen Elizabeth II Centre in London with 3 things on his mind.
Would he be able to get the British oil tanker Stena Impero released without going to war against Iran?
Would he be able to negotiate a Brexit deal with the European Union before the October 31st Halloween deadline or will it turn out to be a no deal Brexit?
Should he name British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to the cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering?
. . .
Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reviewing information that was sent to him by an Interpol operative in Hong Kong.
The first set of videos and photos that Whitstable viewed showed a man 7 foot 6 whose name was Wang (and who could best be described as a tall thin unsmiling version of the short chubby jovial Chinese Smiling Buddha whose statue is often seen in Chinese restaurants around the world) addressing a group of pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong a couple of weeks ago and telling them to become more violent and to attack a police station during their protests.
The next set of photos and videos that Whitstable viewed showed a group of white shirt wearing Triad members being addressed by a sinister looking Black Dragon this past weekend and being told to attack pro-democracy protestors with batons and clubs in the Hong Kong subway station this past weekend.
Wondering who this sinister looking Black Dragon was, he sent copies of the photos and videos of the mysterious Black Dragon to a professor of East Asian Folklore and Occultism at Oxford University.
The professor responded that the Black Dragon was a supernatural entity known to appear at various times in Chinese history when the governing leader or ruler of China was a diabolically evil person.
The professor noted that the Black Dragon was able to shapeshift into human form.
The professor text messaged Whitstable a sketch of the Black Dragon in shapeshifted human form.
The sketch of the Black Dragon in human form perfectly resembled Wang in appearance.
. . .
Boris Johnson was receiving a special intelligence briefing from Theresa May over tea and sandwiches at 10 Downing Street on this night which was Mrs. May’s last evening as Prime Minister.
Mrs. May was giving Boris a briefing on the latest facts regarding the destruction of the British destroyer the H.M.S. Balderdash that sank in the Mediterranean Sea not far from Alexandria Egypt (while it was en route to the Persian Gulf via the Suez Canal) this past Saturday July 20th.
Trump was trying to convince the British government that it was the Iranians who were responsible for the sinking of Balderdash.
However it had recently come to light that an Irish drone had been flying in the vicinity of the Mediterranean Sea near Alexandria at the time.
The drone was operated by an Irish drone operator who had been drinking way too much Guinness while on duty.
As a result the drone had found its way from Ireland’s Galway Bay (where it was supposed to be watching the sun go down) to the said part of the Mediterranean Sea off Egypt.
The drone happened to have a camera on board taking photos with a Huawei P30 Pro operated by a robotic leprechaun that was created bearing the likeness of the notorious boozing Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth.
The photos clearly showed a mermaid turning into a giantess near the ship H.M.S. Balderdash and destroying the destroyer.
Copies of the photos had been sent to a noted mermaidologist who lived in Calgary, Alberta, Canada in hopes of finding out the mermaid’s identity.
The mermaidologist had identified the mermaid turned giantess as Thessalonike of Macedon the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 23rd
2019.
July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary
July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary
July 20th is a significant date in world history.
It was on this date in 356 BC that Alexander the Great was born.
It was 75 years ago today (on July 20th 1944) that the German colonel Count Claus von Stauffenburg tried to assassinate Adolf Hitler in the plot known as Operation Valkyrie.
And it was 50 years ago today (on July 20th 1969) that Neil Armstrong spoke these words from the moon after the Apollo 11 Eagle had landed, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”
On this day July 20th 2019, Alexander the Great’s half-sister Thessalonike of Macedon (who had turned into a mermaid after hearing of her brother’s death) was swimming in the Mediterranean Sea not far from the Egyptian city of Alexandria when an ancient shield happened to float by.
“It’s my brother’s shield!” She cried.
Just then the British destroyer The H.M.S. Balderdash happened to go by en route to the Suez Canal to the Indian Ocean and through the Strait of Hormuz to the Persian Gulf where it would attempt a rescue of the British oil tanker Stena Impero recently seized by Iran.
Thessalonike then posed the same question to the sailors aboard the H.M.S. Balderdash that she posed to the sailors aboard every ship that she had encountered throughout the centuries.
“Is Alexander the King alive?” She asked.
“Which Alexander the King would that be?” Asked Lt. Chamberlain Neville of the H.M.S. Balderdash.
“Alexander the Great, you idiot!” Thessalonike spat seaweed at him.
The correct answer as far as Thessalonike the mermaid was concerned was “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”
The captain of the ship H.M.S. Balderdash who was none other than Gladstone Disraeli answered, “No, Alexander the Great died centuries ago in the year 323 BC.”
“Wrong answer!” Thessalonike foamed at the mouth spraying sea foam in every direction.
She then turned into a raging Gorgon tearing apart the ship and sending it and every sailor aboard to the bottom of the sea.
Trump would later blame the incident on the Iranians.
Meanwhile the Grey Wolf Formerly Known As Adolf (because it was a grey wolf possessed by the ghost of Adolf Hitler who had been let out of the Underworld a few years ago by Hades and Persephone at the request of the Norse-Germanic god Odin/Wotan) was walking the streets of Saint Petersburg Russia.
“I thought this place was supposed to be called Leningrad,” Adolf thought to himself as he looked at all the street signs.
“And to think I should have taken possession of this city but I failed!” Adolf snarled.
Meanwhile on the moon this day, the demon Asmodeus was walking around because he had never been to the moon and he figured since humans went to the moon, he might as well.
Of course Asmodeus had never learned to fly.
He had skipped the Demonic Learning To Fly Class back in Hell High School because he had been outside smoking cigarettes.
So the chain smoking demon asked the two high flying owls (who were companions to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) to grab hold of each one of his arms and fly him to the moon.
Now he was walking around the moon’s surface.
Unbeknownst to Asmodeus, the Norse trickster god Loki had been walking around the moon earlier that day (having been flown to the moon through the help of Valkyries).
Loki had eaten a banana while on the moon and had thrown the peel behind him.
As Asmodeus walked along smoking and coughing and singing that old Frank Sinatra song Fly Me To The Moon, he wasn’t watching where he was going.
The chain smoking demon slipped on the banana.
After hitting backside down on the lunar surface, Asmodeus remarked, “That’s one small slip for a banana, one giant pain in the ass for demonkind.”
The Chinese moon goddess Chang’e and the Moon Rabbit remind you:
Only you can prevent lunar fires.
Always douse your campfire and be careful with your cigarette butts.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 20th
2019.
The Siren of The Sea Plays A Sweet Melody: A Poem
A Sea Spell 1877 by Dante Gabriel Rossetti
A great beauty was she
The Siren of the Sea
who played sweet melody
Her fingers played softly each tender string
And with melodious voice she did sing
Birds of the sea flew to hear her
Sailors landed on rocks just to be near her
So tenderly tenderly she played the cords of the lute
while caught in her long flowing hair was forbidden fruit
A garland of flowers adorned her head like a sacred crown
Luminosity shone like the sun off her golden gown
Oh divine beauty, how can it be?
I’m here with you, you’re here with me
when music plays like golden rays
And with tender eyes you gaze
Then on your lap, I’d gladly lie
as the sea waves dance to the seagull’s cry.
-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday March 13th 2019.
Semiramis In New Orleans
After Semiramis the Jaguar Woman shapeshifter (who claimed to be the ancient Queen of Babylon) created a scene in the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club where her dress came apart at the seams in the process, she returned to her hotel room.
Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion Private Eye had taken the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great) to meet a man claiming to be the Greek god Zeus.
Zeus had a hankering to make out with a mermaid and had settled upon Alexander the Great’s half-sister.
Trying to ply Thessalonike with drinks in Carson Albion’s office (which was a house on stilts in the water of a New Orleans bayou), Zeus was getting nowhere as Thessalonike kept refusing them.
Suddenly a woman claiming to be Hera showed up in the office and declared that she had found something fishy about Zeus’ story that he had gone to Louisiana for the shrimp.
Seeing the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon standing there, she declared “There is something very fishy indeed.”
She then hit her husband over the head with the lobster attached to the front of Thessalonike’s dress.
Zeus hit the floor faster than a thunderbolt thrown from Mount Olympus.
Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion had gone in search of that elusive beautiful woman Semiramis for two reasons.
Reason number one: To return her dress to her (which he had picked up off the floor of the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club).
And reason number two: For personal reasons of his own (They didn’t call him the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog for nothing).
Albion used his own hound dog Methuselah to track Semiramis’ scent.
He wound up at her hotel room.
“Come in, Mr. Albion,” a sultry female voice spoke from inside the room, “it’s unlocked.”
Carson Albion entered the room and noticed Semiramis standing there next to a painting of a tiger.
She stood there alongside the painting with her fingers and finger nails posed like cat claws.
The smiling expression on her face resembled the smiling expression of the tiger in the painting.
How positively feline, Albion thought to himself.
As if she could read his mind, she lit herself a cigarette and blew smoke rings.
She then spoke with a voice as melodious as that of a midnight rhapsody, “Who ultimately wins when it comes to a battle of wits, Mr. Albion? Cats or dogs?”.
Carson Albion shifted uncomfortably on his gumshoe shoes.
“Your reputation as the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog precedes you, Mr. Albion,” Semiramis picked up her dry martini in a glass and stuck in her long tongue to the bottom of the glass and then sucked up the entire liquid with it, “why do you think I left the door open?”.
Albion started to feel hot.
And it wasn’t due to the usual mugginess of a New Orleans evening.
“What’s the matter, Mr. Albion? Why no words?” Semiramis put her catlike fingers on his shoulder, “Has the cat got your tongue?”
Semiramis put her tongue on his lips and into his mouth.
“How’s that for a taste of honey?” Semiramis laughed as she withdrew her tongue, “Could you be like John the Baptist and live on wild honey but skip the locusts?”.
Albion was by now totally speechless.
Totally aroused.
But totally speechless.
“Would you like to kneel at my feet as if I was a goddess, Mr. Albion?” Semiramis smoothed her dress with her catlike claws, “would you like to be my slave?”.
Albion got down on his knees in front of her.
Never would such a slavery be more pleasant than freedom.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 3rd
2019.
The Mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon In New Orleans: A Carson Albion Private Eye Poem
Out on the bayou
in an old cabin built on stilts in the water
was where Carson Cody Albion Private Eye
had his New Orleans private eye’s office
On this New Year’s Day in 1934
Albion had been visited by a white haired
and white bearded gentlemen
who claimed to be the Greek god Zeus
New Orleans was full of such nuts
Zeus was a client of the voodoo High Priestess
Mammy Del Rey
The beautiful and lovely Mammy Del Rey had been reading lizard entrails
for the said gentleman who said he was Zeus
Entrails to determine the whereabouts of the immortal mermaid
Thessalonike of Macedon (who was the half-sister of Alexander the Great)
said to be currently visiting the City of New Orleans
Unfortunately for Mammy and for Zeus
The Voodoo Priest next door
Grandpa Doc Duvalier
performed what turned out to be a successful Resurrection From The Dead spell
as the lizard entrails suddenly got up and walked away from Mammy Del Rey’s ashtray
and dived overboard from Mammy’s house boat cabin into the bayou below
where they were promptly swallowed by a fish
Thus the Mystery of Thessalonike’s whereabouts were now as great a mystery
as they were before Mammy started reading the entrails
So Mammy brought Zeus to Carson Cody Albion Private Eye for help
Mammy had picked up an image from the lizard entrails
prior to their unfortunate resurrection
Mammy drew an image in the sand for Albion
(Albion had a sandbox on his bayou house on stilts
which Louisiana Governor and now U.S. Senator Huey Long
used to play in
whenever he visited Carson Albion’s office)
Albion recognized the image as being the symbol on the matchbooks
given to smoking customers down at Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club
rather than just giving this info directly to Zeus
The private eye said he’d take the case
and pocketed a fee from Zeus (Albion hoped that Greek drachmas
would be worth a lot in U.S. currency)
After giving Zeus a close-up view of the bayou
(by pushing him overboard)
and then making out with the lovely Voodoo High Priestess Mammy Del Rey
on his waterbed (this early prototype of the popular 1970s bedroom phenomenon had been invented by his good friend Nikola Tesla)
He then headed down to the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club
In his private eye trenchcoat pocket he carried a crystal ball snow globe
(containing the image of Thessalonike of Macedon) that had been given him by Mammy Del Rey
Thus he recognized the immortal mermaid half-sister of Alexander The Great right away
The immortal mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (who was the half-sister of Alexander the Great) in a New Orleans jazz nightclub back in 1934.
The rare colour photo was taken with a little known instant photo colour camera the Teslatroid (the colour equivalent of the first black and white Polaroid cameras that were invented by Edwin Land 14 years later) invented by Nikola Tesla.
Any resemblance between the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon at this New Year’s Day party in 1934 and singer Taylor Swift at her New Year’s Day party in 2019 is purely coincdental.
Surely thereafter Thessalonike was set upon by the mysterious Jaguar Woman of New Orleans
(a woman who was able to shapeshift into a Black Jaguar)
The woman who called herself Semiramis (like the legendary Ho Queen of Babylon) addressed the woman as Mommy Dearest before knocking her to the floor
In the ensuing fish-cat fight that followed
Semiramis’s dress came apart at the seams.
Semiramis: her dress came apart at the seams when she cried Mommy Dearest
To be continued.
-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 1st
2019.
Dashwood Forrest and Mulligan The Irish Zombie On O’ Connell Street In Dublin
Dashwood Forrest and Mulligan The Irish Zombie On O’ Connell Street In Dublin
Dashwood Forrest and his manservant Mulligan the Irish ☘️ Zombie 🧟♂️ were having breakfast 🥞 🍳 in a restaurant at a hotel on O’ Connell Street in Dublin.
Mulligan was nursing a king sized hangover having drank too many glasses of Kilkenny Irish Cream Ale on the Hill of Tara in County Meath for Saint Patrick’s Day yesterday.
He did give away one of his glasses of Kilkenny to a golden cobra named Maitreya who was undergoing an old Celtic Pagan ritual to make the snake the High King of Ireland.
But he did so in a hypnotic state (which would be the only possible state in which Mulligan the Irish Zombie 🧟♂️ would give away an alcoholic beverage that happened to be in his possession).
“If you don’t mind my saying so, you look to be in awfully bad shape,” the waiter said to Mulligan.
“That’s because I’ve got a hangover,” Mulligan answered while drinking tomato juice laced with three raw eggs 🥚 and Worcestershire sauce.
“You also look to be dead,” the waiter remarked as some of Mulligan’s decomposing flesh fell on his breakfast plate of kipper and poached eggs.
“I am,” Mulligan started leaking tomato juice and Worcestershire sauce from his armpits, “I’m a zombie.”
“If you’re a zombie, then why aren’t you sitting in the Dail (Irish Parliament)?” The waiter asked.
“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t ask myself that very question,” Mulligan was debating with himself on whether or not he should order a Guinness as he noticed the old antique clock on the hotel restaurant wall was only 1 minute away from 12 noon.
“Who raised you from the dead?” The waiter asked.
“It was a South African witch doctor called Dr. Sterling Makabo who raised me from the dead,” Mulligan cut himself a slice of kipper and put it on his fork, “although he had actually been hired to raise my neighbour who was buried next to me in the cemetery from the dead but his corpse was still at his wake. A wake that apparently went on for fourteen days I might add. So when my neighbour did not answer Doctor Makabo’s call, I decided to do so. With the result that I’m now living the life of Riley.”
“Riley was the name of the man in the grave next to him,” Dashwood Forrest explained, “the fellow that Dr. Makabo was supposed to raise from the dead but his body was still at his wake as his buddies had been drinking so much, they forgot to take him to both his funeral and burial services.”
“Only in Ireland 🇮🇪 would this happen,” the waiter shook his head.
“I would have to agree,” Dashwood Forrest smelled the rose in his lapel.
At that moment on the television in the restaurant, the image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared to comment on Vladimir Putin’s landslide Presidential election 🗳 victory in Russia 🇷🇺.
As Renfield pointed to a photo of Putin and made Freemasonic death by disembowelling gestures with his hands that would send YouTube conspiracy theory channel hosts into a whirlwind of frenzy, Mulligan remarked to Dashwood Forrest, “There’s the fellow who saved me from drowning in a bowl of punch at your mermaid 🧜♀️ painting art exhibit in London last year.”
“Was that before or after you became a zombie 🧟♂️?” The waiter asked.
“After,” Mulligan replied, “My mortal pre-zombie life came to an end when I drowned in a vat of Guinness.”
And speaking of Guinness, the antique clock in the restaurant struck 12 noon.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 18th
2018.
A Mermaid On Boxing Day
A Mermaid On Boxing Day
Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had won his Boxing Day fight in the boxing ring.
He left the broken down warehouse where he had boxed and walked down to the pier.
He was covered in sweat and blood.
He reflected on the past 8 years of his life ever since he had been brought back from the dead by South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo.
As a boxer, he had fought in Ontario back in the 1880s and in California back in the 1890s.
He had retired from boxing in 1899 and moved to Honolulu where he died on June 6th 1910.
Dr. Makabo had raised him from the dead in June 2009 on behalf of a billionaire sports promoter who wanted to sponsor a boxer that would someday win the World Heavyweight Title.
And the promoter thought a supernaturally controlled boxer as in one brought back from the dead would be able to do that.
It was true Gordon “The Black” Donnelly had never lost a fight in the past 8 years.
But he still wasn’t seen as a contender namely because boxing was no longer the sport it once was.
UFC Fighting had taken away a lot of the promoters and big money.
Donnelly stood on the pier and looked down at the water.
He noticed the face of a startlingly beautiful woman staring up at him from underneath the water.
Thinking she was drowning, Donnelly jumped in.
Underneath the water, he noticed the woman was topless with a firm sumptuous pair of breasts.
He looked down and noticed the rest of her was one giant fish tail.
“A mermaid?” Donnelly thought to himself.
The shock of encountering a mermaid caused the living dead boxer to lose consciousness.
The mermaid quickly grabbed the unconscious boxer and dragged him up to the shore.
She administered mouth to mouth while in the distance a choir hired by a store for its Boxing Day sale sang, “Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 26th
2017.
Mermaid Miranda’s Revelation Part 2
“The reason,” Miranda the mermaid looked at Nathan the Controller of the Golem, “that the mermaid goddess Atargatis wants to destroy Israel is because of her daughter Semiramis. Semiramis has formed an alliance with the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who, of course, has always wanted to destroy Israel and the Jews because she claims that the Babylonian Talmud maligned and libeled her good name.”
“Yes, Lilith once poisoned my Scotch whisky with polonium-210 while I was sitting in a London pub,” Nathan recalled, “it was Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher who saved my life with an antidote to polonium-210 that he invented.”
“I heard about that, Nathan,” Miranda looked at him sympathetically.
“But what caused Semiramis to form an alliance with Lilith?” Nathan asked.
“Her first husband Nimrod returned to Earth a few years ago aboard a UFO with a bunch of ET grays,” Miranda explained, “and the ship crashed near Tuktoyaktuk, Canada north of the Arctic Circle. Nimrod’s body was recovered and taken to a secret lab near Washington DC. Lilith stole Nimrod’s body and brought him back to life. Only the magic kiss Lilith used to bring Nimrod back to life went awry and the princely ruler of ancient Babel was turned into a little green frog. He now hangs out between the breasts of Lilith in her low-cut evening dresses.”
“Sounds like Nimrod has become every teen-aged boy’s fantasy come true,” Nathan thought aloud to himself.
“Is it every human teen boy’s fantasy to be like Kermit the Frog?” Miranda looked quizzically at Nathan.
“Um… no,” Nathan shook his head. “so I take it that Semiramis has formed an alliance with Lilith since Nimrod has become (ahem!) so close to Lilith.”
“That is correct,” Miranda nodded.
“And Atargatis in turn has naturally joined in alliance with her daughter Semiramis who’s aligned with Lilith,” Nathan was beginning to see the light.
The morning sun peered through the aquarium lab’s windows.
Meanwhile in Saudi Arabia, U.S. President Donald Trump had arrived with First Lady Melania Trump.
Donald: I didn’t see any mermaids down in the desert sands of Saudi Arabia.
Melania: That’s probably because they’re swimming in the ocean.
Over in London, vampire hunter and MI-6 operative Dracul Van Helsing had received a phone call from Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol.
“Dracul,” Whitstable began, “I’ve been doing some research on the famous 17th Century Jesuit scholar Father Athanasius Kircher. He apparently had in his possession some ancient Greek mechanism that was the equivalent of our analogue computers.It also served as an orrery to predict astronomical positions and eclipses. But according to the diary entry of Father Kircher’s I’ve come across, the mechanism could also be used to locate mermaids. Sadly the mechanism disappeared on the night of Father Kircher’s death.”
“You know what, Peter,” Dracul leafed through the pages of his ancestor Captain Dante Van Helsing’s journal, “I have an idea where that mechanism is now.”
“Where?” Whitstable asked.
“It’s now called the Antikythera Mechanism and it’s to be found in the National Archaeological Museum in Athens, Greece.” Van Helsing answered.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 20th
2017.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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